A teacher offends a child at school - what to do. Can a teacher kick you out of class or not let you into class? Thus, grave harm includes, among other things,

For a child, studying at school is not only about gaining knowledge, but also about the experience of socialization in a group of peers and adults - teachers. Relationships between people are very multifaceted, so it is not surprising that a student may encounter negative manifestations from a teacher: pickiness or even hostility.

How to differentiate between prejudice and demandingness

Excessive demands are not always a manifestation of the teacher’s biased attitude

As a rule, parents learn about problems in the relationship between the teacher and their child from the lips of the child. And, of course, he brings his subjective assessments and emotions into the story, often drawing the line: “She (he) doesn’t love me and is nagging me.” In this situation, it is difficult for moms and dads to figure out whether this state of affairs is an objective reality or the result of the student’s suspiciousness or imagination. In addition, many children perceive the teacher’s demandingness as a manifestation of a biased attitude. Therefore, it is very important for parents to get a correct picture of the existing relationship. For this:

• talk with your child more often about topics related to school life - this way it will become clear where the truth is and where the fantasies are;
• pay attention to the child’s performance in the subject taught by the teacher who is making complaints about your student (if the grades have dropped sharply, then work with the child or hire a tutor, then you can draw a conclusion about the objectivity of grading);
• visit the school, talk with teachers and the class teacher, but do this not “about”, but as a monitoring of progress (neither the child nor the teachers need to know the real reasons for the visit to the educational institution).

This way you will be able to understand what kind of relationship your student has with teachers and students. And also find out whether the teacher is really biased towards the child, or is simply demanding regarding the quality of knowledge.

How to psychologically adjust a child

Trust is the basis of a relationship with a child

Relationships between people are multifaceted, so it is not surprising that some people like them and others don’t. Interpersonal relationships between teacher and students are no exception. A teacher is a person like everyone else, so he can have likes and dislikes. Some teachers like active, inquisitive students, while others like disciplined quiet ones. Of course, a professional teacher knows how to hide his emotions, but sometimes exceptions happen. In this case, a conflict situation arises with three participants:

• student;
• teacher;
• parents of the student.

The task of the latter is to find a way out of the situation with minimal losses for the emotional health of the emerging personality. Therefore, it is very important to properly set up the child in this particular situation:

1. Tell your child how much you love him more often - the child should be sure that he is accepted and loved by those closest to him;
2. Explain that any child, even if he is still small, is also a person, and no one has the right to insult, ridicule or humiliate him;
3. Analyze the conflict situation with maximum objectivity - regardless of who was wrong, explain to the offspring why such behavior is unacceptable;
4. Try, together with your child, to outline a strategy for behavior in case the teacher finds fault or allows insults;
5. Outline a plan for further joint actions (conversation with the teacher, director, moving to another class or school) to resolve the current situation.

How can you get rid of prejudice?

Parents should communicate with teachers regularly

Nagging and prejudice on the part of the teacher, as a rule, do not go away on their own, so parents need to take active measures to resolve the conflict. There are several ways:

• open conversation with the teacher;
• conversation with representatives of the administration (director, head teachers);
• transferring a student to another class or school;
• public coverage of the problem in the media.

Let's look at each of them. The simplest and most correct way out is to talk to the teacher. Having determined the reasons why the teacher disliked the child, you can find a joint way out of the conflict situation. We’ll look at how to properly plan a conversation with a teacher a little later.

If the teacher does not agree to a conversation or does not consider it necessary to change his attitude towards the child, then you should contact the director or head teacher - perhaps they will have more compelling arguments convincing the teacher to reconsider his behavior.

This is interesting! Every year, about 20% of children transfer to other schools due to nagging from teachers.

When the conflict has gone on for too long, and the teacher’s attitude has a negative impact on the psychological and emotional state of the student, it makes sense to transfer the child to another class or school. However, you should not see this method as a panacea for any difficulties - in your child’s life there will be many meetings with inconvenient or conflicting people, so it is not recommended to create greenhouse conditions for him in childhood.

If a teacher not only allows himself to publicly insult, but also uses physical force against a child, and there is confirmation of this, then such flagrant violations of children’s rights should be covered in the media with the involvement of social services and law enforcement agencies.

How to build a conversation with a teacher correctly

Peaceful conflict resolution is the main goal of a conversation with a teacher

Knowing about the problem in the relationship between a student and a teacher only from a child, it is impossible to form a complete opinion about the reasons for the nagging on the part of the teacher. Therefore, the best solution would be to talk to the teacher. However, you need to prepare for the conversation and conduct it in such a way as not to aggravate the situation. So, going to talk with the teacher:

1. Try to make an appointment in person, not through the school administration.
2. Choose the right time. It is best if it is after school, but not at the end of the working day.
3. It is advisable that the meeting take place one-on-one, but within the walls of the school (the best option is an office; serious conversations in the corridor are taboo).
4. Try to make it clear to the teacher that you are not going to incriminate or accuse him of anything.
5. Begin the conversation by stating your desired outcome (“I would like our conversation to lead to positive changes in my relationship with my son/daughter”).
6. Be sure to stipulate the fact that you recognize some of your child’s shortcomings, and gently guide the conversation towards the recognition that everyone has the right to make a mistake (in case your child is really guilty of something).
7. Next, you should directly ask the question about the reasons for your child’s dissatisfaction. Perhaps in this way the teacher “takes revenge” for some actions towards him on the part of the student (for example, insult).
8. Depending on the answer received, the conversation can go in two directions: mutual understanding and recognition on the part of the teacher of his mistakes, or anger due to your attempt to convict the teacher of an unprofessional attitude towards children.
9. In any case, you need to end the conversation by thanking them for their time.

Depending on what results you can achieve by talking with the teacher, it will be easier to outline a plan for further action.

- What child behavior and what actions and events at school can be classified as violence? Is violence solely physical?

Violence can be not only physical, but also psychological, not only from some students towards others, but also from teachers towards students. If we talk about violence on the part of a teacher, a law was recently passed according to which a teacher can be fired from school for psychological and moral pressure on a child. There are teachers who choose a “victim” for themselves in the class and begin to make endless and often unfounded claims against her. Before this law appeared, it was impossible to attract or punish teachers. The teacher has more power than ordinary parents, and if he is authoritarian and has psychopathic manifestations, then it was impossible to influence him.

But in order to implement this law in practice, of course, it is necessary to collect evidence. I went through this myself and even filed a complaint with the ministry, where they told me that in this school there is only one specialist in this subject, and we are not going to fire him. Instead of helping to solve the problem with the teacher, the ministry suggested that I transfer the child to external studies, that is, complete this subject externally and bring the grade to school in order to receive a certificate of education. But this is also a solution to the problem that you can resort to.

As for violence within children's groups, it occurs much more often. Most often, violence occurs when a child enters a new class, a new school, or when classes are merged. The child is faced with the problem of joining an already formed team.

There are different forms of violence against newcomers. In a more intellectual environment they are less cruel and more cunning; in a less intellectual environment they are primitive and are usually associated with physical influence. For example, in the locker room of the gym, a child’s training suit may be taken away, and he will be forced to run after the offender along the entire corridor in his underpants, or will sit in the corner and cry. Moral bullying is also a manifestation of violence against an individual.

Violence is a force directed against a person and aimed at damaging or destroying him in any of its manifestations. In any case, the person receives psychological trauma. There are now a lot of different manifestations of violence at school, and children do not even always understand that they are showing violence against the personality of their classmate. They may consider it a joke, or they think that in this way they should “teach a lesson” to their friend. And this was always the case at school. And the most important thing in this situation is how the victim will react to this.

- What are the feelings of a child who has become a victim of violence?

A group of aggressive children, as a rule, deliberately chooses a victim. This could be a newbie, or just a child who can't stand up for himself. It could also be a child who studies worse or better than everyone else, or who is simply different from others in some way and stands out from the crowd. This group may begin to use various methods of violence against such a child. This can be both insults and moral humiliation. Of course, the victim immediately develops a feeling of fear and loneliness. He cannot talk about his feelings at home because he is afraid that he will be considered a coward or a sneak.

Working with psychological and physical trauma always involves working through this situation, necessarily with practicing surrender to the offenders. When I worked with kids in college, one boy was beaten at a bus stop, and he couldn’t study after that. Two weeks passed, but he could not concentrate on the lecture, remember or understand the material. He lost his appetite and sleep. But they didn’t beat him too much, they didn’t break anything. Just think, a bruise - there is no concussion. But there was psychological trauma. He was humiliated and did not respond. The feeling of humiliation was very strong because he could not fight back. This internal state interferes with life: there is a fear of walking the streets, of being in such a situation again. If a victim of violence fails to protect himself, there is always a fear of a repetition of what happened.

In another case, I was faced with a situation where a child after school was surrounded by other children and started kicking and pushing him. He would come home and tell his parents that he would not go to school tomorrow because they might kill him there. He was advised to fight back at least once, but he replied that he could not hit anyone. But, in the end, the situation changed after this boy finally punched his classmate in the eye, who was pestering him at school. After that, no one attacked him again. Once aggressive children feel that their victim is able to defend himself, they stop pursuing him.

- How does a child turn into a potential victim?

Usually a child becomes a potential victim from the moment he is very frightened of something. For example, at home, when dad was drunk and hit mom. And that’s it - the shoulders are already hunched, the arms are lowered, the victim is formed in front of you. And in nature there is such a phenomenon: when a deer runs from a wolf, then if its back bends from fear, then the wolf, having sensed the fear of the deer, will never leave it behind. Because he knows that if a deer’s back is bent, then it is inconvenient for him to run, he will stumble and fall somewhere, and the wolf will overtake him and eat him. But if this deer sees a forest ahead in which he can hide, he has hope of salvation, then he straightens his back and runs straight. And in this case, he has a much greater chance of being saved. A person with low self-esteem is a person whose back is bent. He has already lost faith in himself, he does not allow the thought that he might succeed.

- Should a child always consult with his parents? Are there times when adult intervention can hurt him even more than his own bullies at school?

If a child trusts his parents, then he can consult with them. If not, then it’s probably worth turning to your grandparents and other adults. In general, an atmosphere of trust should reign in the family. Who else, if not the closest relatives, can a child turn to for help? And adults need to teach children to protect themselves and their dignity so that they can grow up as worthy people, capable of protecting themselves and their loved ones. Because, growing up, children will again face humiliation and insults. One adult can endlessly bend over backwards in front of others, while another will simply slam the door and leave. But you can’t endlessly slam doors or cave in. We must learn to be both tough and flexible with other people when necessary. And if we are talking about a group of children in a class showing violence towards all other children, then parents need to take action and seek help from the school administration and the appropriate authorities. These issues need to be addressed at a serious level and the parents of those children who show violence at school must be involved in solving this problem.

- What should a child do if he encounters any form of violence at school?

Firstly, no one except parents will ever protect their children. You have to stand up for your child. Even if certain complaints are made against him, parents, after listening to them, should not humiliate the child in the presence of his teachers and fellow students. Deal with his behavior at home, or at least by stepping aside. There is no need to publicly shame your child.

- How can parents protect their child?

Here you need to look at what kind of incident happened to their child. In my practice, for example, there was a case when a boy was bullied because he was fat. His classmates mocked him: they took away his books and notebooks, they laughed at him, and tripped him up. The parents didn't react at all. They believed that the boy was “already 10 years old” and he should deal with this problem himself.

As a result, when this child grew up and lost weight, he was already 22 years old, he still had the feeling that no one respected him, that they laughed at him for any reason. He retained his anger towards those who bullied him and his resentment towards his parents who did not want to protect him. Thus, the situation that this boy found himself in at school affected his self-esteem, character, and affected his whole life. Although the boy himself, while studying at school, practically did not tell his parents that he was being bullied there. And to the question: “Why were you silent then?”, he replied that he could not tell his parents about what was happening because he did not want to become an “informer.”

Children do not understand that the complaint in this case can in no way be called “snitching”, that they are not “pawning” anyone. They also don't understand that they must learn to stand up for themselves. If they cannot cope with this task on their own, then they must call on adults for help. Instead, the children endure. This can happen in any grade - from first grade to graduation.

Parents often make another mistake. They instill in their child that any conflict can be resolved through negotiations. Nothing like this. Boys must be taught to fight back. Men must be able to physically defend themselves and their loved ones, otherwise they are not men.

Another example: a girl who was 20 years old came to see me. From the 8th grade, because she was pretty and the boys liked her, her classmates began to show their dislike for her - they called her names and did not accept her into their circle for a very long time. She talked about it at home, but no one helped her until she stopped going to school altogether. Only then did her relatives begin to fuss. But she made the decision not to go to school anymore, at the age of fifteen, and she came to me, also by her own decision, only at twenty. The fact is that since then she has not been able to join any team. She always thinks that they will begin to push her out again, and now she may be afraid of groups for the rest of her life. But then it was necessary to sound the alarm, immediately hold parent and class meetings, call the students and their parents. To prove and explain to them that she also has the right to study here, has the right to be treated with respect. There was no need to wait until she said: “I’m not going to school anymore!” The situation cannot be brought to a crisis; action must be taken immediately.

When I come to a children's group, I often notice: one child is sitting crying, and next to him is another, happy, lounging on a chair. I go up to the teacher and ask him why they offended this boy. But the teacher does not understand such, in his opinion, small cases. He organizes the children, that is, he monitors whether they washed their hands, sat down on chairs, and how lunch is laid out on plates.

- What position should parents take: protect their child from violence at all costs or try to help him cope with this situation on his own?

First we need to help him deal with the problem himself. I am a mother of two children myself, and we have faced very different situations. One day, my son, who was in elementary school at that time, began to be offended by a girl from the middle classes, from the 7th or 8th grade. In the buffet, she constantly took away his bun, and at the same time beat him. When he came home, he was silent, but I saw that something was happening to him. When he finally talked about the reason for his bad mood, I asked: “Why are you giving her your bun? Why don’t you defend yourself when she hits?” “Well, she’s a girl, you can’t hit her.” He did not understand that in this case she was not just a “girl”, but already quite an adult who behaved aggressively. And in this case he needs to defend himself. The next time this girl came up to him again to take the bun, he punched her in the stomach and said: “I won’t give it.” And he moved on. She never touched him again.

I do not call for always responding to violence with violence, but children should be taught to defend themselves in such situations. Only by defending themselves will they be able to maintain their health - physical and moral. And if you haven’t taught your children to defend themselves, then you need to come to their aid and protect them yourself.

- What are the signs that make it clear that parents need to intervene?

I am ready to repeat this a hundred times: the situation must be resolved at the very beginning of its development. As soon as something happens, it is imperative to intervene and “resolve” this situation together with the child. And don’t let this situation get worse. It will never just go away on its own. But to choose the right methods for resolving violent conflicts, it is very important to understand in detail what is happening. And it makes no difference whether your child has this problem with an adult or with another child. You need to monitor your child’s behavior and mood in order to identify the problem in time.

A child to whom violence is manifested, firstly, remains silent and answers questions in monosyllables. Then, he doesn’t sleep at night, doesn’t want to go to school, his temperature rises, his stomach starts to hurt. Physiological resistance arises when the body protests against going into an environment where it is in danger.

A child cannot help but want to go to school just like that. Either something is happening inside or outside. It could be just laziness, or maybe there was some kind of conflict at school that makes you no longer want to go there. In both cases this is something to be concerned about.

For example, I had a 4-year-old boy at my appointment who sometimes did not want to go to his kindergarten group. He peered in cautiously, but did not want to go inside. On another day, he could calmly come in and the whole day in kindergarten went normally. When asked why he didn’t want to go there, he refused to answer.

One day I went to see what was going on in this group and found the following picture: two boys beating each other, and this brawl ends in tears. The teacher separates them and places them in their places. The next day the same thing happens in the group. I found out the names of these boys so I could approach them and find out what happened. It turned out that the boys fought because one of them pushed the other. Then I asked: “What happened before that?” And before that, it turns out, one boy hit another in the chest. So I questioned them until we got to the situation that caused the conflict. It turned out that it arose due to the fact that during lunch one of the boys accidentally pressed the other’s finger with a chair. It hurt him and he hit the one who was moving the chairs. He, of course, also answered him. Then the first boy pushed him and ran. The second boy caught up with him, tripped him, and the first boy fell and sprained his leg. Since this situation was not dealt with by the teacher, the conflict continued day after day...

Teachers and educators generally rarely investigate such situations, because there are a lot of children in a class or group. And they usually punish the one who came to hand first. As a rule, the one who goes to the corner is the one who hits at the moment when the teacher turns his head to see what is happening. The task of parents is to understand this situation and understand the essence of the conflict. And when the situation is sorted out, then we need to try to reconcile the children. We need to tell Yegor how to ask Nikita for forgiveness. He must go up to his friend and say: “Nikita, forgive me for crushing your finger with a chair, for hurting you.” Nikita will forgive him, but, in turn, he must also ask Yegor for forgiveness for being angry with him and starting to push and hit him. “Egor, forgive me for kicking you.” And that’s it, the conflict is over, the children have made peace. Very often, children push or trip each other as a joke, but then this joke can turn into violence.

As for the conflict with an inadequate teacher, the child can also and is capable of confronting him on his own, but this is inappropriate. Usually, having received a rebuff, the teacher begins to put even more pressure on the child, use his power and even turn his entire class against this child, recruiting other teachers, parents of other children, to help him. Teachers know how to do this. Again, parents don't have to wait for this to happen. Personally, I will rip my children’s throats out, and school is not the whole of life, and there is no remedy for crowbar. I believe that you shouldn’t give up, you shouldn’t give up; you need to go to school, sort things out and talk to teachers.

I had a situation where a teacher terrorized the children of the entire school for many years. My son left this school, and two years later the parents and students got the teachers to remove it. She was asked to leave, and she left - again, “of her own free will.” Sometimes it is possible to eradicate such teachers, and sometimes not. But you can never give up.

- Do you think parents can sort out a conflict situation faster and better than teachers?

Certainly. But this does not mean that the parents of an offended child should immediately run to the mother or father of the offender. They need to teach their children how to get out of such situations, how to stop the conflict in a timely manner. If we are talking about psychological pressure, then you can try to influence the situation through teachers, school management, and the parent committee.

When my son moved to a new school, he found himself in a very difficult class. His classmates greeted him warily at first, and then began to attack him in large groups. He came home, cried, did not sleep at night: “They will kill me; I'm afraid they'll kill me! I came to meet him, because if his opponents saw me, they immediately ran away. The three of us - the eldest son, the husband, and I - persuaded him at least once to simply hit one of his offenders in response.

I went to the school principal, and she herself personally went to the classroom with a magazine and took a signature from everyone that they would not offend anyone in the class today. However, from time to time the conflict situation arose again, and I had to go to the director again so that she could take action. Despite the bullying my son suffered from his classmates, he did not complain about anyone. But I saw that he went to school in no mood, simply because he understood that he had to study. And then, when he got used to it a little, after classes he had several “fights” with his classmates, each “fight” one on one. I went to all the “fights” with my son, stood around the corner while they fought there. After four such “fights,” the son began to communicate normally with his classmates. And no one offended anyone else.

Boys often want to compete, they need to show themselves somehow. This also applies to violence that manifests itself in the form of bullying and ridicule. In this way, children test what their new friend is capable of. And we need to teach the child to maneuver and build relationships so that he acquires the skills of entering a new society that will be useful to him in later life. Here, the support of loved ones is very important for children.

There are many levers to control the situation, but parents are often afraid to use them because they think it will make the child even worse. There is also a category of parents who believe that the child should learn to cope with all the difficulties in communicating with other children on his own. There are also parents who do not want to get involved in the situation because of their busy lives.

I know a boy who had three older brothers, none of whom wanted to stand up for him when he was bullied. He came to them and asked for help, but the brothers, who had also faced a similar situation at one time, believed that he himself should solve his problems. And not one of them protected the baby. And then this boy found another way out of the situation: he began to pay the offenders so that they would not touch him. That is, he bought his security by giving them the money that his parents gave him for lunch. In this situation, the boy’s relatives should have come to his defense, but they did not.

- Are there situations when a child should be transferred to another school?

Yes, there are. In some cases, the child must be transferred to another school. Parents should decide to take such a step if the child is really unwell. This should be done only if parents can no longer do anything to resolve the conflict situation: when it is impossible to restore relationships with students, or when they cannot hope for help from teachers. In this case, it is better to change the situation.

- How effective is the use of force to resolve a conflict? What advice can you give to a child who cannot defend himself with his fists?

Such a child must, first of all, not provoke others and not become bullying. But if he is not guilty of anything, and they continue to bully him, then he simply needs to learn to defend himself. He must learn ways to defend himself in order to survive in a group.

- What can a child do if it is not a matter of physical, but psychological violence? For example, was he boycotted?

If a child learns not to take ridicule to heart, and learns to respond to them with humor, then the ridicule will stop. But we must also remember that ridicule is an insult, and if a child is constantly mocked, it means that he is constantly subjected to mental pressure. And this must be explained to those children who mock others.

In this situation, a school psychologist or class teacher could help by coming into the classroom, conducting communication training, and sorting out the situation. A boycott is usually announced to those children who have done “something wrong” or stood out in some way. Parents can also get together and discuss the issue with their children to understand the reasons behind the boycott and resolve the situation. In this case, it is better to act quickly and not delay. If the conflict cannot be resolved, then the parents of the boycotted child must look for another school, because in a situation of boycott it is very difficult for the child to survive. He may have fear not only of school, but also of life.

Usually there are two or three people in the class who are the instigators of such situations. And the class teachers most often know who it is and why violence occurs in the team. And parents who want to understand the situation need to establish contact with the teacher.

- Does the child still have any consequences of school violence after it has already stopped? What to do with them?

Both in the case of beating and in the case of moral pressure, psychological trauma is caused to the child. In such situations, I would advise you to contact a psychologist who works with mental trauma. Any situation must be worked through, because all these situations are deposited in the child’s unconscious. And then these injuries prevent the child, and then the adult, from living. The sooner you manage to cope with them, the easier it will be for the child to live further. The child will have less fear of life, of the world, and it will be easier to build relationships with people.

When a physical or emotional injury occurs, changes immediately begin in the child’s mental development. Memory decreases, perception of material worsens, distractibility, insomnia appear, appetite decreases, vomiting may occur, and shortness of breath may occur. Fear of everything can arise. Self-esteem decreases, fear appears that he will not be able to cope with any task. “I won’t do it because I know I won’t do it right.”

- How should parents behave with a child who has been subjected to physical or emotional abuse? What, besides raising self-esteem, should they pay attention to?

Parents should pay great attention to the physical development of children, especially boys. You need to enroll your child in a sports section or train him at home. Thus, the child will not only develop physically and learn to defend himself, but he will also have confidence in his strength, that, if necessary, he will be able to fight back against his offenders.

In addition, parents should not cultivate internal weakness in their children. Boys who are prevented from asserting their interests through force become too feminine. And it is these boys who usually become victims of more aggressive children.

- And the girls?

Girls usually suffer from moral and emotional abuse. It's all about appearance, money, girls fight more on a psychological level. Although, they can also get together in a group, go behind the school, and beat up one of their classmates; pull out her hair, tear and stain her clothes.

- Do the situation at home and relationships with parents influence a child’s tendency to become a victim?

A child’s personality begins to develop from the family, this is understandable. If parents are authoritarian and an internal state of fear is put into the child, then it will manifest itself at school.

- How to overcome the tendency to sacrifice in a child? How to deal with the consequences of violence when the victim was unable to adequately respond to it?

There are three types of reactions to violence: a person can fight back immediately, freeze, or run away. The most dangerous reaction is when a person freezes and does not know what to do. Then somatic manifestations begin, various diseases and even mental disorders arise. It turns out that the person was injured, but did not react to it. This is where violations occur. The professional must help the person respond to the trauma. If a boy was hit, but he did not fight back, he will still know inside that he should have done it, and he really wants to hit back, but he cannot. And he freezes. And she begins to worry about this situation inside. A dialogue begins inside him: “How come, I couldn’t fight back. That means I'm a weakling." We need to return to that situation, work through it and it will go away.

In any situation, the child must react instantly. Parents should teach their children in which situations they should not fight, and in which they can and even should. I'm not saying that you have to fight and bite all the time, but you need to be ready to stand up for yourself.

For example, a guy is vacationing in the south. Dancing on the dance floor. Another guy comes up to him and hits him on the head. He can't understand what's going on. Then he hits him a second time and breaks his nose. The situation is incomprehensible, but the guy who started to be beaten had to either immediately run away or immediately defend himself.

- There is such a thing as “false sacrifice”...

Of course, why is it needed? Well, even the priest told me that a priest is also a man who must stand up for himself and protect his loved ones. So in any case, you should not allow yourself to be offended. The more we allow, the more this happens.

We may not respond to violence if we know that there will be no negative consequences if we do not worry about what happened later. Only a spiritually prepared person can not respond to violence with dignity. Such a person can “turn the other cheek” and calmly move on. In this case, it is already his choice, and violence will not cause him any moral damage. A child brought up in this spirit will be able to calmly respond to the offender in the style: “Whoever calls you names is called that himself.” In other words, he understands that the offender bears responsibility for his actions and the words he speaks do not cause any harm.

But not all people are able to do this. And if the child does not understand this and did not respond to violence out of fear, he begins to constantly return to this situation, play it over and over again in his head, all the time thinking about how he was offended. The child begins to experience internal worries, obsessive thoughts appear, and he can even reach a mental disorder. He will consider himself defeated, a loser.

(Stories from the forums)
How to get people to stop teasing and bullying you without much difficulty (part 1) ( Izzy Coleman)
How to get people to stop teasing and bullying you without much difficulty (part 2) ( Izzy Coleman)
The child was bullied at school... ( Anastasia Melikhova, 15 years old)
I will not allow myself to be offended ( Isaac Lerner, teacher)
Psychology of violence in school: aggressors and outsiders ( Evgeniy Grebenkin, Candidate of Psychological Sciences)

Children are not always honest storytellers. It is unwise to panic when a first grader comes home and declares that he is the teacher hates him.

But when you yourself begin to notice signs of unreasonable dissatisfaction in relation to your child, you need to take action. But which ones?

For the fifth evening in a row yours schoolboy returns home in tears and with the firm conviction that the teacher didn't like him.

At first you don't believe him, but then you listen and agree that his teacher isn't that friendly.

Take action before the situation gets out of control.

Talk to your child

Remind your child that no matter how the teacher treats him at school, you love him and will love him no matter what.

Promise in the conversation that you will discuss this painful topic directly with the teacher. Don’t turn your child against the teacher, don’t feed his hatred, it will be even worse.

Just make it clear that you won't leave it like that.

Make an appointment

Make an appointment with the teacher as soon as possible. Be courteous and friendly, but persistent. If the teacher refuses, make an appointment with her through the school principal.

During the meeting

Don't start the conversation with aggressive accusations, as this will only ruin the situation. Start the conversation with the phrase: “I know that my child is not always truthful, so I would like to hear the truth from you.” Let the teacher describe the event.

Try to find out what caused this relationship between your child and the teacher. Don’t rush to draw conclusions, try to put yourself in the teacher’s shoes.

Set a plan for further action

The most important step is to outline a goal, and only then choose the means to achieve it. Discuss with the teacher the general line of behavior, agree on who should behave and how, in order to avoid unnecessary claims in the future.

Be positive

If you were able to find a common language with your child’s teacher, then after talking with her, thank her for being able to devote time to you and help you solve this delicate problem.

If the teacher does not want to change her behavior in the future, contact the school administration for help and let her consider this issue.

The child should be in a safe environment and feel the love and support of loved ones. It is necessary to transfer a child to another class or school only if there are no other options.

Throughout his life, a child will more than once encounter people who will not like him. That is why it is necessary to teach him to effectively cope with problems of this nature, and not avoid them.

Relationships at school or another educational institution, where the main character is, can become conflicting.
known, teacher. As a result of the abandonment of a number of traditional
forms of school education, due to the rapid revaluation of values, a sharp increase in the importance of property and financial factors, the nature of relationships is changing
at school (both in teaching teams and in student groups).
As a result, didactogenic neurosis becomes more common.
The term didactogeny refers to mental trauma,
the source of which is the teacher (disrespectful, unfair, biased attitude towards the student,
public ridicule of his answers, behavior, appearance
appearance, abilities, rude, humiliating reproach).
A careless word or actions of a teacher can cause
painful mental reaction in a child. After which the latter may require help from doctors.

Moreover, teachers also experience a similar neurosis. Medical
practice, as well as information from the literature, allow us to believe that
that teaching work is very nervous (especially in high school), work that often creates a situation of chronic stress. Very often we see teachers with various forms of neuroses. The general climate in the school plays a huge role. The psychological state of the teacher is very important, and if he
comes to class nervous, nervous, then his work is not
will be fruitful, there will be more conflicts,
which children feel and somehow begin in them
are drawn in.

However, we must remember that the school bears full responsibility for the life and health of its students
(physical and mental) during educational
process. Moreover, the school is entrusted with not only educational functions, but also educational ones. At
causing harm (damage to health, property, moral
harm) to the student, both from teachers and from classmates, the school will be held responsible,
unless she proves that the harm was caused through no fault of hers.

It is well known from psychology that the younger the child, the more sensitive he is to the adult’s style of interaction with him.
and the easier it is to perceive this style as generally accepted and natural. Moreover, according to experts, the norms of interaction between teachers and children are being assimilated
the child’s personal structures are almost unchanged and
become the basis for the further development of his personality.
Children are especially vulnerable to any form of pressure
and aggression from adults, since they do not have
sufficient experience and are unable to subject their behavior
criticism. A child can be compared to a patient, sanity
which from the point of view of making a responsible decision is always limited. Here, however, the analogy of pedagogy with
medicine ceases to work, since pedagogical interventions, unlike medical ones, are not one-time in nature, but simply coincide with the child’s living conditions. It is impossible to ask parents' permission for every
raising your voice, prohibiting or praising, for every little thing
teacher's action. However, the effect of these influences
may turn out to be far from small.

Recently, the Human Rights Center has often received complaints about cruelty on the part of teachers. In our practice
There are cases when a labor teacher hit a student’s head on a door frame; in another high school in Perm, the class teacher lost her temper, after which the boy was taken to the hospital with a concussion. Until now, these teachers have not suffered any responsibility, and are still teaching at school.

For insult, for belittling human dignity,
good name, causing harm to health, the teacher must
bear responsibility. The complexity of all such cases
is that such incidents are often witnessed by students (minors) who are under the influence and pressure of the school and teacher. Often it is even difficult to initiate a criminal case on the fact of beatings. As a rule, law enforcement agencies try to find a reason to close the case.

Children who have been abused by a teacher may not confess to their parents right away and may withdraw for a long time.
keep quiet about it. Subsequently medical examination
at the tramping station, the possibility of causing harm is already fading
impossible. By then, bruises and abrasions may disappear.

It is difficult to develop a unified methodology for school conflicts
to solve the problem. Decides a lot in this case
human factor. But still give a number of recommendations
necessary.

If a child's conflict at school has gone far, the child
experiences pressure from teachers and classmates,
then the mandatory rule for all parents is -
transferring a child to another school! Often due to conflict
neither teachers nor parents can remember what is most important
The interests of the child are always of value. Neither feeling
revenge, resentment, thirst for justice, etc., and, above all, the interests of the child.

It is not always possible to resolve a conflict internally,
therefore it is necessary to invite a third party. For solutions
conflict, it is necessary to involve psychologists and administration
schools and lawyers.

Of particular note is the role of the school principal. Be aware of all conflicts, act as a mediator between teachers and
parents are his direct responsibility. Often rights violations
students come with the tacit consent of the director. Sometimes the director chooses not to interfere. In practice
The Human Rights Center reported a case where a foreign language teacher removed a student from class for bad behavior and did not allow him to attend his lessons again for the entire quarter. The student stayed
not certified. It is unlikely that the director of this institution
knew that this would violate the educational principle of universal access to education. In this case, the teacher prevented
education of a child with tacit consent
school director. The school is also responsible for quality
education. If the quality of education is desired
promise the best, then the parents of the students can be presented
claims for damages. Damage may include expenses
to pay for the tutor's work. We believe that a complaint from parents to the prosecutor’s office or district would completely help solve the problem of not allowing a child to attend classes.

There are cases when a child at school is subjected to violence from classmates (beatings, bullying). Parents don't
It’s worth getting into a showdown with other people’s children, you just need to talk
with adults. In this case, both the classmates themselves (criminal) and their parents (administrative, compensation for harm) will bear responsibility. The school will also be a co-defendant,
which is legally responsible for the life and health of students, ensures their safety and supervision.

In relation to children under 14 years of age, a criminal case has been initiated for causing harm
your child's health will be denied by the police, but registration
They will still be assigned to the juvenile affairs commission. The parents of the offenders will be held administratively liable, i.e. will impose a fine. The parents of the victim can also go to court with a claim for compensation for moral damages.
and material damage.

Particular attention should be paid to the problem of psychological pressure on the child. Unfortunately, insults towards students and unflattering comparisons from teachers are often
encountered phenomenon. Who hasn't heard: "Well,
what - two?! What else can such a stupid student get?
for which only a madhouse cries"!

What should an offended student do in this case? Silently swallow humiliation, and even in front of the whole class, so as not to run into trouble, or get into a squabble with the teacher, arranging a showdown with him in a raised voice and proving him wrong? It must be said that not one of the proposed options will turn out to be correct, but on the contrary, it will only aggravate an already difficult situation. In this case, it should be noted that students should not remain silent. There is no need to arrange a showdown right on the spot. How
We can advise you to contact the school administration with a complaint or request to resolve the conflict. Indicate that the teacher
has no right to insult and humiliate human dignity. Just don’t run around for any reason, since the conflict can be resolved to the benefit of the student, provided
if he shouted and argued with the teacher (to prove his rights,
those. we need to talk about them calmly and correctly, in a civilized manner).
In some situations, the student may indeed be wrong and will have to accept defeat gracefully.

Almost all the disadvantages of a modern school are based on shortcomings in the educational system, in which the interests of the student are primary, and the interests of the teacher are secondary. But the desires of both should be taken into account equally. In fact, there are teachers who discredit the good name of the teacher, but this is rather the exception. And there are many more students who deserve censure. And if the improvement of the educational process does not happen, there will be even more such students. There are a lot of disadvantages in being a teacher.

Psychological pressure

Now there is an anomalous situation in the educational system. Enormous pressure is put on teachers due to student grades and USE results. Informally, teachers are prohibited from giving bad grades to students, no matter how absurd it may sound. “Two” - in the mind, “three” - on paper - this is the setting of the Education Department and is followed by the school administration. And from the school administration, teachers are ordered not to give students unsatisfactory grades, to avoid such results in every possible way. The argument is this: with “D” grades, the school will have low performance.

A principled teacher will simply be tortured with checks. Such a teacher will be required to provide an individual plan for working with lagging students. And this despite the fact that the teacher has a workload of 20-25 hours of teaching, checking notebooks, class management, and on top of everything, his own family. While a student with two marks in the journal will still “spit at the ceiling.” And all because every student will tell you without hesitation what rights he has and how teachers should treat him, but such children do not know what responsibilities he has.

“F-grade students” are not afraid of anything, so they go to class with unfinished homework. They know that they won’t get a bad grade in the journal, and they won’t kick them out of school, but they will help them pass the Unified State Exam. In such situations, the class teacher and teacher turn to parents for help, who only shrug their shoulders in response. Their excuses are very simple: “The child doesn’t listen to us,” “We can’t force him to study,” “We can’t do anything.” Well, if parents cannot do anything with their child, then what can we say about teachers.

Regarding the Unified State Exam, many students believe that they will pass it without problems. Surprisingly, this will actually happen. The whole point is that at the teachers’ meeting the director categorically states: “You need to pass the Unified State Exam without failing!” And on the day of the exam, teachers rush to help their students. This is exactly what happens when passing the State Exam (Unified State Exam for 9th grade). In 11th grade, students use the “call a friend” prompt while observers are deliberately distracted. This happens because there is an unspoken agreement between the school and the Education Department that the exam will be successful - and everyone will be happy as a result. Students, knowing this, do not sit at their textbooks to prepare well.

And recently another “service” appeared. And not at all in favor of the teacher. Children have the opportunity to call the helpline and report unlawful actions of the teacher. It’s mostly the same “B students” who are complaining, who are stressed out by their studies. Of course, such information cannot be called reliable and objective. It is a pity that there is no such service for teachers so that they can complain about careless students.