Help me, please, I don’t know when and how this happened, most likely it didn’t happen in one day. I lost all desire to live. no, not even that. I don't want to die at all. I just have practically no desires. I simply exist. My only wish is to be left alone. Phone calls and visits from friends irritate me. I don't want anything. A friend recommended shopping. But I not only don’t want to, but I don’t see the point in it. I don't want new things or hairdressers. I can’t get out of this state on my own. It's getting scary. I am an individual entrepreneur, I have abandoned all my business, and sometimes I force myself to go somewhere. That's all. I understand with my mind that I’ll have to sort it out later, but I can’t break through some kind of internal armor. What should I do? Help.
Svetlana, Novokuznetsk, Russia, 40 years old
Psychologist's answer:
Hello, Svetlana.
Perhaps we are talking about depression, the causes of which are varied. Physical, sexual or emotional abuse, abuse, addiction, for example to food, drugs, alcohol. Conflicts, experiences of death and loss of significant loved ones. Genetics - family history (relatives suffering from depression), divorce, loss of income, work, other personal problems. Problems such as social isolation, serious illnesses. Sometimes depression coexists with an underlying illness or is a reaction to an illness. You need an individual consultation with a psychologist in person or in absentia (Skype).
Sincerely, Lipkina Arina Yurievna.
Ecology of life. People: Nowadays such a thing is popular - “searching for your true desires.” This is when a person does different practices to find out what he really wants. That is, not what was imposed on him, but what he himself wants. But all these searches proceed from the axiom that a person has his own desires, which he somehow subconsciously knows about.
Nowadays such a thing is popular - “searching for your true desires.” This is when a person does different practices to find out what he really wants. That is, not what was imposed on him, but what he himself wants. But all these searches proceed from the axiom that a person has his own desires, which he somehow subconsciously knows about.
The more I observed people's desires, my own desires and their different levels, the more convinced I became that a person does not have his own desires. All your desires, one way or another, are imposed. The only difference is the degree of primitiveness of the imposition, let’s say, the level from which they are imposed. And “searching for your desires” is a bit of a pun, by and large.
In reality, you are just moving from lower levels of imposition to higher ones. One way or another, there is still some sense in this, because at higher levels desires are more interesting.
Low, primitive levels of imposition are when, for example, desires are simply conditioned by your body.
Sexual feeling and sexual attraction to other people is an imposition of biological instinct, and when you become aware of it, you can still follow it, but more selectively.
There are higher levels of imposition - all sorts of social ladders that set the direction of your movement in society. Status, property, desire to be some kind of leader, business owner, and so on.
It's the same with social desires. Realizing that they are imposed by society, you can be more selective about what you need and what you don’t.
When you seriously believe in the truth of your desires, it is much more difficult for you to achieve them, this is the paradox. But when you understand that this is such a game, that these desires are not truly yours, but these are just some levels of imposition, it becomes easy, because these are just illusions that you play. And implementing them is much easier.
Now you can go to extremes, into the trap of “fighting imposed desires.” This will be the same nonsense as the “search for the true.” You just need to realize the imposition of these desires. Desires are not inherently important, only the changes they make in a person’s essence are important.
Why do you think some people in old age remain cheerful and active, while others, while still quite young, do not see joy in life, fall into apathy and want nothing? Maybe this is how nature created us - some vigorous, others tired? Or do we gradually, over time, waste our strength, and someone wastes it too quickly? Why is it sometimes so difficult to move even for something that previously seemed so desirable? And what to do if you no longer expect anything from this life? Let's try to answer these questions from the point of view System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan.
Desire equals life
We all do something, move somewhere only because we have a burning desire, a desire for something. This is our energy, the force pushing us forward. No desire means no strength to move. But sometimes a person loses the desire to live and strive for something. Why this happens, for what reasons - the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will help you understand.
Each person is born unique, with his own set of innate properties and aspirations, which in SVP are called vectors. There are eight of them. Along with the vector, special desires and the necessary amount of vitality are given to fulfill these desires. And everything would be fine if we clearly understood ourselves - we would know how to achieve what we want. But in reality, we are often disoriented and live blindly, which leads us to disappointment.
For example, a person with a sound vector differs from others in his special need to know himself, the world, and the root causes, which overrides all ordinary, earthly desires in its importance. To realize his desires, he is endowed with the ability to concentrate and abstract intellect. Concentration on their thoughts and self-absorption can make such people absent-minded, and it is difficult for them to make contact. They are interested in the inner world, which seems more meaningful and real to them than the world outside. Such people strive for meaning in any of their actions. But achieving it turns out to be not so easy.
Until now, knowledge about human nature has been limited, the unconscious is hidden from understanding - for a modern person with a sound vector, the insufficiency of this knowledge is tantamount to hunger, only not of the body, but of the soul. Without understanding your Self, there can be no meaningfulness.
When life doesn't make sense
Apathy in the sound vector occurs when a person does not find meaning in life and any actions, he does not understand why all this mouse fuss that others are busy with. He does not receive pleasure, joy from life, because he does not realize his desires - he does not find answers to the eternal questions that are so important to him. And then he goes to sleep, sleeps for days on end, he does not have enough energy to do any necessary things. The sound artist’s suffering is so great that he, who considers this world illusory, dreams of leaving it as soon as possible.
And to prevent a person from committing suicide, nature took care of a defense mechanism. From the unbearable pain of chronic unfulfillment, desire seems to burn out, and apathy sets in. The pain dulls, but, becoming insensitive, losing desires, the person gradually completely loses interest in life. The strength also goes away. He no longer dreams, does not strive, does not take risks, does not love, does not want anything from this life... So mortido (the desire for staticity, death) begins to prevail over libido (the desire for life) - nature slowly and gently takes us away from life.
Why do people die? Because their desires disappear. And those who want, strive and achieve something live long. This is how a person is designed that he wants more and more, the desire grows with each time, with each filling, and along with this the pleasure grows. And life goes on.
Apathy among the most diligent
Apathy can arise not only in the sound vector. Almost anyone can become apathetic and lethargic if his desires are not fulfilled for a long time. After all, a person lives according to the principle of pleasure. And if there is no pleasure, desires become dull. A person already despairs of getting anything and gives up desires, continuing to float limply with the flow of life.
People with the anal vector, one of the eight psychotypes with its special set of desires and aspirations, are often prone to apathy.
What is characteristic of these people? Striving for fairness, purity, quality. These are high-class specialists, they have golden hands, the desire to bring everything to perfection, to brilliance. These are true friends, devoted husbands and wives who value and especially cherish relationships with family. Such people love to give and receive advice, they listen to the opinions of authorities and are often dependent on loved ones, especially their mother. These are often indecisive, slow people; they do not like to take risks and take initiative. Before committing an act, they can think for a long time, gather strength and only then do it.
Why do the desires of such people fade away? There can be many reasons, let's look at some of them.
Need for praise and recognition
A person with an anal vector is more aware and dependent on the opinions of others than others. He needs praise and wants to receive it from others. He is sometimes ready to do excellent work just for the sake of it.
Without receiving approval and satisfaction from his actions for a long time, he loses motivation. Moreover, a kind of distortion arises in his rigid psyche: I invested my efforts, but did not receive a reward (resentment is born). Feeling injustice, the anal person no longer wants and cannot move (stupor), being a hostage to his ideas about the world: everything it should be equal! He will refuse to take any action in advance, realizing that no desired reward awaits him ahead. Refusal to act further limits the possibility of receiving pleasure, and the person gradually fades away. He has less and less desire to go out and do any work. And now he lies on the sofa all day long, apathetic and obese from inactivity.
Couldn't say no
The little man with the anal vector is growing up, learning to interact with people, like all other children. But his peculiarity is that he is a very obedient, naturally flexible child, and his mother’s tips and praise are very important for him, this gives him a feeling of security and helps him develop. When a child grows up, he learns to make independent decisions and achieve what he wants without trying to look for praise and approval everywhere.
If development in childhood did not occur entirely correctly, such a person, already mature, may find himself unable to say “no.” He remains dependent on the opinions of others, seeking his mother’s approval that was not received. Therefore, he wants to please everyone, to be liked, to receive praise for the sake of praise itself, and only then can he feel needed and valuable. Gradually he ceases to feel what he himself wants.
This applies to an even greater extent to people whose set of vectors also includes a visual vector. The viewer is shy from birth and has the most difficulty adapting to our world. Trying to adapt to others, he seeks protection and security. An anal-visual person may be so dependent on the opinions and desires of other people that he is unable to do anything of his own free will.
As a result, chronic dissatisfaction sets in, fatigue from realizing other people’s desires and trying to please, but never pleasing to the extent required. Eventually exhaustion sets in. Since it’s impossible to please, you can’t satisfy others, that means you shouldn’t do it. The person sinks into deep resentment and remains inactive.
Uncertainty and feelings of inferiority
Another cause of apathy in the anal vector may be chronic, debilitating insecurity. We can stand still for a long time, waiting for an opportunity to start something. We constantly delay the realization of those desires that seem difficult to achieve. While we make up our minds and mark time, we miss a lot of opportunities.
Then we get upset, blame ourselves and gradually begin to lose faith that we are ever able to carry out this or that action. Then there is a renunciation of desires: it is useless to do something - nothing will work out anyway. This is how we think, feeling that we are not strong, brave or fast enough to get what we want.
Even if we have great determination, perseverance and the intention to still achieve what we want, we can still be haunted at times by the thought that we cannot and will not achieve anything. This is largely due to children's attitudes received from their parents. “Dumb”, “slow”, “crooked” - children often hear this from their parents. “How are you going to live, you worthless creature?” - an anal person unconsciously repeats within himself, who has not had a good day, or has had some problems at work or at home.
How to take the first step, which is already difficult by nature, if you are convinced that it will not work out well anyway. But we want to be the best. But dependent on the opinions of others, and in childhood especially on the opinions of our mother, we take these attitudes upon ourselves, and they change our whole life. This makes an already indecisive person unable to take important steps and leads to pathological procrastination.
This feeling of worthlessness can haunt a person for a long time. The depressed mood lasts longer and longer, the suffering intensifies and unfulfilled desires are put aside as if they will never be realized.
Refusal to implement. Dependency instead of freedom
Those people who have come to terms with their own unfulfillment, of course, depend on someone who cares about them. A person needs food, clothing, a roof over his head, and if the person himself does not provide himself with all this, then someone must give him everything he needs. Often mothers who do not want to part with their children take care of their now adult children, and non-working women depend on their husbands to feed and take care of them.
Nowadays, quite often anal-visual people, growing up, remain infantile, unable to independently take care of themselves, let alone others. If their upbringing was incorrect, without the feeling of security and safety received from their parents, then they live in fear and uncertainty for the rest of their days. It can be quite problematic for them to enter adulthood.
Instead of implementation, they look for opportunities to postpone any action because it seems difficult and dangerous. If the environment supports this desire, then they can sit in the “penalty box” all their lives, avoiding communication with the world, decisions, actions, any responsibility or manifestation of themselves.
When we ourselves do not strive for anything, we get used to depending on those who care about us. We learn to manipulate them and depend on their location. We learn to live by certain rules, we are afraid to break them, so that the one who cares about us and solves our pressing problems does not deprive us of what we need.
As a result, we live in a golden cage, where we have everything or almost everything, but lack the main thing - the freedom to realize ourselves in accordance with the properties given by nature. In the end, life becomes like in a fairy tale - “it’s all the same,” because desires have long died, and skills, if they were once acquired, are lost. We can only live out a gray, joyless, apathetic life of addiction.
How to bring back the joy of life?
To revive your desires, you should start small. First, clearly determine what desires are hidden or suppressed in us. Many people are so dependent on the opinions of other people that they never realized what they really want. System-vector psychology allows you to understand yourself in a short time and with great accuracy. Next you need to start taking action little by little, taking small steps towards the goal - realizing your desires. You just have to try once, enjoy it, remember this pleasant feeling from what you have achieved, and then try again and again. Each time the desire will increase, grow, and with the increased desire strength will appear.
Don't be upset if something doesn't work out yet. We give up so easily for various reasons - either the belief in our worthlessness is so strong that we try our best to unconsciously find confirmation of it, or we are already accustomed to being so lazy that we don’t want to change anything - it’s so convenient for us. We didn’t even notice how at a young age we began to feel like decrepit, useless old people. But we are not like that, even if we are already 70! It's never too late to start living a full life.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to work through all our negative attitudes, to realize those unconscious mechanisms that have led us time after time in a vicious circle of unfulfilled desires. A deeper understanding of yourself, your characteristics and true desires gives a new sense of yourself and life in general.
Equally important for maintaining confidence and stability is the right environment, which will give strength to gain new life experiences. Only among other people can we understand our natural qualities and fully realize ourselves. We need like-minded people nearby, people with whom we can speak the same language, with whom we can be guided.
You will definitely find such people at the training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. And here you can decide what exactly you will do in your life, learn to make the right decisions for which you won’t have to blame yourself or others. You can understand a lot about your life from introductory free online lectures, where the anal vector is also discussed.
Let's act and our awakened desires will lead us as far as we want!
And let life go on!
Victoria Gogoleva, student of the Faculty of Psychology
The article was written using training materials on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
Chapter:
There are times, some more often than others, when one rather unpleasant thing happens. You wake up in the morning and suddenly feel that you no longer want to go to your previously favorite job. You are too lazy to even get out of bed, let alone cook breakfast or go to a meeting with friends. And the only thing you like is to sit in front of the TV all day, and even along with some high-calorie “snack”. Extra folds suddenly begin to appear on your stomach, but you can’t find clean socks in the apartment. And here, if you don’t immediately pull yourself together, it will be quite difficult to get out of this state without anyone’s help.
What should you do? It is necessary to identify the main symptoms of the disease in time and prevent the catastrophic spread of infection throughout your body.
While watching the news, one article from Lifehacker.com caught my attention; it talked about what you need to do when you don’t want to do anything at all. That is, in cases where motivation has disappeared and even to tear your body off the sofa, you need a solid kick. Of course, I can’t say that I am now in the situation described above, but anxious thoughts began to visit me more and more often. This doesn't necessarily apply to work. This may well apply to sports, home life, and a previously favorite hobby.
And if it is still possible to survive cooled feelings towards your hobby, and without any particularly serious consequences, then, for example, with work or personal life, things are always much more serious. Here drastic measures must be taken immediately.
So, there are several reasons for loss of motivation. And, of course, solutions too.
Social rejection.
Recently, an interesting experiment took place at one reputable university - students were given the task of writing the names of those people from their group with whom they wanted to work. And further, ignoring the data received, some were told that the other half had chosen them, and others were told that no one wanted to have anything to do with them.
Ultimately, the “outcasts” stopped looking after themselves and trying to adapt to others. If you try to restrain yourself and behave according to generally accepted rules, then for this you are obliged to receive a certain reward. Naturally, social. And if you are trying your best to adapt to those around you, and they, in turn, still do not want to have anything to do with you, then the question arises, why in this case change your behavior and take care of yourself? The conclusion is logical and obvious. Among other things, the hands of those students who were supposedly not chosen were more likely than others to reach for sweets. In this way they tried to sweeten the bitter pill.
Other studies have shown that in situations where you feel rejected by others, your ability to solve various puzzles decreases, you become more difficult to work with, and your level of personal motivation drops to zero. And all you can do is actively engage in self-destruction, that is, smoke, drink or indulge in sweets. Over time, you stop controlling yourself and begin to lose yourself.
Ignoring physical needs.
Another study found that feelings of lack of motivation may stem from poor nutrition. Often people who are up to their necks in their work eat incorrectly. They dine at fast foods, or even dry sandwiches, in the evening they have a hearty late dinner, and breakfast is generally skipped by default.
Scientists conducted an experiment in court for 10 months. Ultimately, before lunch, on average, judges handed down suspended sentences to only 20% of the accused, but after the lunch break, the number of lucky ones rose to 60%. And all due to the fact that before lunch the judges had low blood sugar levels, this had a direct impact on their thought process and emotional state.
It follows from this that the problem in this case lies not in emotional distress, but in the usual lack of sugar in the blood.
The burden of responsibility for decisions made.
Certain problems of motivation may also arise due to the emergence of responsibility for making certain decisions. These may well be both serious decisions and banal ones, for example: “what to cook for dinner.” It’s just that there are cases when a huge number of such small decisions accumulate, and as a result, your nerves simply begin to give out. You often do crazy things and make irrational decisions. For example, you start buying things without any need.
The described condition is fundamentally different from the manifestation of physical fatigue. Here you experience an exceptional lack of psychic energy.
How to deal with this?
In cases where you feel that they are simply ignoring you and do not want to do business with you, the best way out is to have a serious conversation with this person or group of people and try to find out what exactly is interfering with normal relationships. Perhaps a simple misunderstanding has arisen that can be resolved in a matter of minutes. In the case where the problem is much deeper, you also need to not be afraid to work on it. In some cases, you may come across people with whom you are completely incompatible; there is nothing you can do about it. The only way out here is to change the environment. But in any case, you should talk first. Because if you don't ask a question, you will never get an answer.
In the second situation, the solution is simple: you should start taking care of yourself and eating normally.
In the third option, you will be required to draw up your own so-called “decision-making schedule for one day,” but with one condition, you need to allocate at least two intervals in it for rest. And when you know exactly what needs to be done and when, it becomes less burdensome.
In any case, you should actively look for a way out of the current situation. Moreover, each person will have his own. If I'm having trouble deciding whether I want to do something, I try to clear my thoughts and at least spend the weekend not touching the computer. In some cases, this is quite enough for a surge of optimism and energy.
Sometimes there are situations when, starting to tell a person about your work, you begin to understand that it is really very interesting and you really like it. This means that you are just very tired and you just need to rest a little.
And one last thing. Absolutely all people are a little selfish by nature, so I don’t know a person who wouldn’t be flattered by praise. If I hear truly sincere praise addressed to me, and from a stranger, I feel that I am doing exactly what I like. Therefore, when you see that a person is trying his best and doing well, do not be stingy with praise. Perhaps at this moment you are saving someone from loss of motivation.
