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Paranoid Husband
The upcoming meeting is not for the weak.
Note: he hasn’t seen you yet, but he’s already made three stories about your merits, and when he sees you, he’ll force you to live up to them. These are the two dragons with which you have to fight: Projection and Projective Identification. Like Narcissus, the quixotic paranoid DOES NOT SEE you - he sees you instead perfect image created by his own imagination. A paranoid person demands that you embody his projection, and this is already a blow below the belt. The most disgusting thing is that this is done, firstly, with the best intentions (he is not projecting a frog onto you, but Dulcinea - a storehouse of all sorts of virtues!) and, secondly, he is also offended: he calls you a liar and a traitor if you don’t live up to to Dulcinea (go to hell). What to do? Maybe you remember the erotic, hoarse voice of Edita Piekha: “If I invented you, become what I want!” A fitting response from a paranoid woman! It’s scary to even think about what happens when two projective identifications collide! This is not a shadow fight. I just feel sorry for the kids. If your personality type is different, the children are absent or get along with daddy (Oh, kids are great psychologists!), and you are not afraid of difficulties - let's try to survive. Several methods have been developed for this, varying in degree of rigidity.
The hard way: The windmill answer. It is used at the moment of highest tension, which you characterize as “That’s it! We’ve arrived!” Don Quixote, of course, arrived on his bed (Oka or Mercedes - it makes no difference) with an accusation spear at the ready. For example: “You and I agreed that after work you will go to the store, take groceries to my mother, visit my grandmother’s grave, go to the bank and get ready to meet guests!” They bristled and threw him and his projection far away: “Darling, you said all this, and I answered - I’ll do what I can. So you can go to your mother, to the bank and to the grave yourself. But it’s better to take a vacuum cleaner and help me - guests will come soon.” The moment of impact was calculated precisely: he still didn’t believe you (you’re a liar!), but there’s no time to argue – guests are coming.
Semi-rigid method: Return of projection. The projection discussed above is of a flattering type: it simply assumes that you are a six-armed goddess, easily and naturally performing the dance of Shiva the economic one. Projection of the offensive type is used much more often when you are innocent! – suspected of all sorts of sins and dirty tricks, including adultery (traitor!). Your natural reaction is something like “You’re a fool!” will only turn his suspicions into confidence. But, in essence, you are right: he projects onto you his repressed fears and desires that he does not want or cannot accept. We must respond to accusations seriously and respectfully, recognizing their fundamental possibility, but clearly being tied to reality. For example, like this: “Dear, I haven’t thought about a lover, I just don’t want to. And if you want, I will certainly let you know. I really hope that you will do the same for me.”
The soft way: To deserve and justify. Particularly gentle is the understanding that projection and projective identification are not the evil will of a paranoid person, not a conscious means of manipulation, but the costs of his personality type. Can you imagine how scary it is to not trust anyone! Well, then become for him a person whom he can trust unlimitedly. You will receive the same in return. The loyalty of a trusted paranoid is as strong as the steel in which he is dressed. And just as tough. Not a step aside! The modern Othello may not strangle, but he will part abruptly and irrevocably - that’s the type.
The paranoia of jealousy illustrates two things well. This is a feature of the nature of thinking of people with any delusional disorder and the dubiousness of looking for paranoia as a special syndrome, autonomous and different from all others in practice.
The peculiarity of thinking, in any disorder of a delusional nature, is that it is divorced from reality, and at the same time, the implementation of those structures occurs that, under normal perception, is assessed as unreal.
In case mental disorder jealousy can develop into paranoia
The wife is pathologically jealous of her husband. She makes wild scandals for him, looks for hairs, tries to catch the smell of women's perfume, traces of lipstick. How did you imagine it? He's damn handsome, a heartthrob, and she's energetic and pretty. Scene for women's series. And we take it and show another one, a little closer to the reality of psychiatric problems.
He was once a handsome man, but he became an alcoholic and his degradation is visible to the eyes. He smells like a mixture of fumes, sweat and the devil of something unspeakable. When they have last time there was sex - they no longer remember. What kind of jealousy is this? He somehow doesn’t even think about women anymore. Or maybe he can no longer walk away from her in an erotic sense... What he thinks about is unknown, but he always wants to drink.
In her own inner world he represents someone whom she once loved and created a family for human happiness. For many years Living with an alcoholic has created a situation of confidence in two things that contradict each other:
- person in in every sense he won't;
- something needs to be done.
Do not confuse intense jealousy with paranoia
This contradiction gives rise to the need to be in a world where it is possible to act, but on the basis of imaginary concepts. Should I do it? Great - look for hairs, traces of lipstick, think that he can be a full-fledged man. Thoughts influence the perception of reality and consciousness generously produces such thoughts that are formed new reality. Not oneiric, but representing a consequence of the active alteration of the real world.
She checks his pockets. What useful things can you find there? She looks for the phone numbers of his mistresses on some pieces of paper. He wrote down some phone number. She shouts that this is evidence. He finds telephone directory and shows her that this is the telephone number of the reception desk at the dental clinic. Alcoholics also treat their teeth. But it was not in vain that her consciousness built a “reality” divorced from reality. She yells: " Have you sniffed a toothbrush? Well, I'll go tomorrow! Well, I'll arrange it for her" Paranoia of jealousy, what to do? So what? Go to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. IN women's series- this is quite real, but not in this case. Paranoia as a diagnosis, with an entry in the medical history, is generally exotic. Something like stage three alcoholics. Everyone talks, but few have seen it.
Is your husband's jealousy paranoid?
It's the same with men.
We can say with the greatest degree of confidence that every case of abnormal jealousy is associated with the fact that a man is experiencing some kind of difficulties in the field of sex, and the construction of natural family relations it didn't work out.
It is not necessary for a man to have erectile dysfunction. There may be other problems, but a break from reality is required, and people don’t just break away like that.
It is difficult for a person suffering from jealousy paranoia to prove his innocence
Delusional disorder, which in itself, is more often based on natural foundations, but the separation makes them projections in that “reality”. More often you can find examples of delusions of influence, relationship, persecution. Very often neighbors behave badly. They poison with gases, add powders, and shine them with rays. There are also enemies who send entire groups of killers. But jealousy or religious paranoia, if you look carefully, turns out to be either some kind of initial state before the premiere of paranoid schizophrenia, and then you will have to forget about autonomous delusional disorder, there will be more interesting topics, or it is some kind of condition that will soon be difficult to differentiate with senile insanity .
Paranoia is expressed as a super idea, which is why psychiatrists describe it that way. It turns out that consciousness is captured by a super idea, and therefore the person is delusional. Yes, at least some kind of super idea, but where can the phenomenon of nonsense develop? It is necessary to break away from this reality and move the epicenter of perception to a new one, where you can think, and the thoughts themselves become equal to action.
The first step to solving the problem of jealousy may be to see a psychotherapist.
Jealousy and schizophrenia are another matter. A real patient with paranoid schizophrenia can also be jealous, but he knows for sure that his wife is cheating because of devils, and voices can lie. Patients do not blindly believe voices. They are schizophrenics, not idiots. Especially this one that speaks from underground. Well, how does he know where his wife went? Only the voice from above can see this, but today he laughs constantly. However, this is a completely different story...
A psychopath is always a psychopath. Not only he himself suffers from his abnormal character traits, but also the people around him. Okay, if a person with a personality disorder sits next to you at work, he can change jobs, and you can get promoted. And if, in the heat of love, you have connected your life with a psychopathic man, then you will either have to swallow grief, or you will learn to adapt, perceive your husband as he is, and predict all the time " sharp corners” and skillfully bypass them.
In any case, it is better to take off your rose-colored glasses in advance and see future prospects, so as not to repent for the rest of your life. . How does psychopathy manifest itself in men, what signs help to recognize them in time, and what awaits you in family life– this is exactly what you will learn from the article.
Hysteroid husband
It occurs not only in women, but also in men. A hysterical man tries his best to attract attention to his person. He likes to dress beautifully, carefully monitors his appearance, teenage years participates in performances of school or student theater groups, KVN clubs, sings, if vocal abilities allow, dances. He is characterized by demonstrativeness, theatrical gestures, he strives to please women (and not only his wife), so that they admire him.
If you decide to connect your life with such a man, then you must be ready to sing your husband’s praises all the time, admire his actions and achievements. But your applause alone will not be enough for him, he will look for admiration in the eyes of others, and he will need to come to terms with this. It is unlikely that it will be possible to find a compromise on serious issues; the hysterical person will resort to blackmail, may threaten to commit suicide, or even begin to demonstratively prepare for suicide attempts.
Schizoid husband
Men suffering from pain always have difficulties communicating with other people. They are not interested in the opinions of others, they are characterized by emotional coldness, and quite often they do not even know what to talk about with women. Such men and friends, in most cases, do not have, at most, one. But we, women, are an amorous people, and some of these “eccentrics” manage to find the one who will agree to share their joys and hardships.
A schizoid husband is unlikely to cheat on his wife; carnal pleasures are not so significant for him, and it is not so easy for this type of person to establish contact with women. There will be no gatherings with friends, going fishing, hunting, going to the sauna or just drinking beer. But there will be lifelong hobbies - collecting, reading books, sports or something else.
It seems that not everything is so bad at first glance, but if you are hoping for help with the housework, support from your husband, sympathy, empathy, or just general leisure, then a fiasco awaits you here. The schizoid is used to living in own world, he is not able to understand the emotions of other people, communication with others is painful for him. Living with a schizoid means existing in two parallel worlds, but do not divide everything in half.
Paranoid Husband
A paranoid man is characterized by increased conflict, extreme selfishness, vigorous activity to defend his own interests. If something interests him, then it is extremely important (in his opinion), and if someone disagrees with him, then this person becomes worst enemy.
Living with a paranoid man is very difficult. He needs to be constantly “stroked”; his whole life needs to be put on the altar of his extremely valuable ideas. There will always be many “enemies” in your environment, with whom your husband will forbid you to communicate. This could be your mother (for him - mother-in-law), your sister or someone else from your relatives. You will have to raise the child only as your husband believes (wake you up at 5 am, take you to sports section, to music, to prohibit communication with friends – whatever). Please also keep in mind that paranoid men are quite jealous and will constantly look for your “lovers.”
Many women cannot withstand all the difficulties life together with a paranoid person and get divorced. But their hardships do not end there, because from now on ex-wife becomes your worst enemy. Such a man will direct all his energy, all his strength towards revenge. He can deprive his wife of her job, apartment, and the opportunity to see her children.
Asthenic husband
Asthenic psychopathy is otherwise called. Indecision, diligence, lack of initiative, self-sacrifice - these traits distinguish asthenics. Increased diligence is combined with low performance. Such people try their best to avoid both mental and physical activity. Asthenic men always become dependent on women (wives, mothers), and the latter have to take on the entire burden of making decisions for such a man.
To be honest, an asthenic person does not need a wife so much as a mother who will look after him, take care of him, and make decisions for him. In turn, such a man can give a woman love, mutual understanding, he will practically idealize his wife, follow all her instructions.
Asthenics are exemplary family men; going “to the left” is not typical for them. If you are looking for a man so that he “gets under his heel and doesn’t stick out from there,” then a man with dependent disorder personality is the ideal choice. True, such a husband will never become the real head of the family.
Sociopathic Husband
Sociopaths are people who suffer. Such people are immoral, they are not used to limiting themselves in anything, or following social norms. Stubbornness, deceit, restlessness, and impulsiveness distinguish such men. Frequent conflicts, fighting, thrill-seeking, adventures, acts of violence - all this can be expected from a sociopath. And also gambling, drugs, alcohol abuse. Often such people find themselves in the dock.
But girls are always attracted to “bad” men, so a sociopath is unlikely to remain lonely. Will it change over time? Will he become a law-abiding citizen? an exemplary family man, loving father? Hardly. So if you don’t want to worry about your husband every day “what else will he do?”, wait for years for him from places not so distant, fight the influence of bad friends, alcohol or drug abuse, then run as far away from him as possible, because in there are still many good men in the world.
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