An article about the masks that we try on ourselves, wear for years, and sometimes merge with them, has been asking me for a long time, and it seems that the day has come for it. A superficial search for existing information on this topic on the Internet did not yield anything that could be comprehended and used, so I will make do on my own (the existing articles simply describe several masks that are often found in people, but I am more interested in understanding what the role of the masks we wear) .

Let's start with the fact that wearing masks is normal, it is a way to protect yourself from unwanted attention and interference from others, to hide what you do not want to wave in front of the whole society. This is also a way with people - often, not counting the closest circle of people, we communicate with each other through masks, that is, they communicate. In nearby social contacts the function of masks is clear and justified, I don’t even want to stop here.

It becomes interesting when you realize that your loved ones also have the pleasure of communicating not with you, but with another mask. I, of course, do not mean a mask of some kind that is completely opposite to the inner filling of the personality; in my understanding, a mask is a continuation of me, that is, it is endowed with my features, written from me, so to speak. Another thing is that I, as a creator and artist, can endow her with vivid manifestations of qualities that I myself have in their infancy, add a few intriguing details, and simply remove what I don’t like or doesn’t fit the situation.

For colleagues, classmates, friends, relatives and friends, I have different masks, which the more similar to the real me, the closer the person is to me and the more I trust him. Having been meticulous, I found out that with only one (okay, at least that way) person from my circle I don’t wear a mask at all, and that’s when it became a little scary (but also interesting). The search for information reduces the persistent reader to two postulates - everyone wears masks and masks are worn because psychological trauma in childhood. I will not argue with either the first or the second statement.

I've only recently started working with my masks (and the work begins the moment you first become aware of putting the mask on - there's a sort of on-off click that happens), but some progress has already been made.

Firstly, masks can be adjusted. If it is outdated, tired or simply no longer suits you (does not correspond to your age, position, etc.), you can change it. Doing this at home alone is useless, since the mask turns on only in the presence of other people, so you need to change it directly in the process of communication, and for this you need to save it.

Secondly, masks can be removed(for people with this, this is probably not a great discovery, but perhaps someone, like me, will be happy to know this), but this must be done carefully and not rashly. People who are used to communicating with your mask (and without own desire we take them off only during serious shocks and out of surprise), they may be very surprised when they get acquainted with your bright, real face. Choose non-critical moments and a calm environment if you set out to say goodbye to the mask.

Thirdly, mask is not you. Problems begin when a person stops separating “I” and the mask and begins to associate himself with it. Awareness will also help here; at the first stage, this is generally the only means to distinguish, for example, between one’s feelings and masks (which, in fact, cannot experience them, it simply reacts properly - the way that is expected of it).

Fifthly, masks are still better use consciously, understanding for what purpose you are putting it on now, and not wearing it thoughtlessly and unnecessarily. It's okay to use masks in situations where they're comfortable, but remember to take them off and be yourself when they've served their purpose.

One day an exhausted woman came to me for a consultation. She plopped down on a chair and almost immediately tears began to flow. “Why didn’t anyone tell me it would be like this?” – she repeated through sobs…. Our conversation with her gave a lot of food for thought. And I want to write about something that even those closest to you will never tell you. So….

1. They will never tell you that marriage does not save you from problems, or from emptiness, or from loneliness. Another person will not shut up or compensate for your own defect; rather, on the contrary, he will either strengthen it or expose it, and only you will have to deal with it.

2. They will not honestly tell you that it is more honest and correct to remain alone than to grab the option that is simply the only one out of fear that there will not be another.

3. Children are not always happiness. These are problems, lack of sleep, complete absence of his time, and sometimes of his life. If you realize this, great, but if you have illusions that with the birth of a child your life will smell like roses, think carefully about whether you should have children at all.

4. Relationships are a mutual responsibility, and if everyone is responsible for themselves, and not their partner, then everyone will be better off and more comfortable.

5. Those families that you consider ideal have their own problems and their own dark bottom. Ideal families No.

7. All “I love you” ends quickly. If you haven't learned to talk, respect, and care for each other, then you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship. You haven't grown up to them.

8. Most couples lie to each other about sex. A woman imitates an orgasm, a man considers the spasm of his penis to be intimacy. Both walk around dissatisfied and angry. Learn to talk honestly about your sexual desires—learn to talk about everything.

9. If you and your partner don’t have anything in common from the very beginning, then it’s unlikely to appear. Therefore, after a while, there is no need to complain, you initially saw who you were choosing.

10. Learn to admit your mistakes. If you realize that you made a mistake with your choice and the person next to you is not yours, leave immediately. Don't fool yourself or others.

11. People don't change. They simply open up more and take off their masks. You, with your love, will never change anyone. If a person decides that you are a value for which you can change your life, that is his choice. But if you decide to take on the function of the Good Wizard, you are an idiot.

12. No spiritual practice will save you from real problems. Just because you stopped seeing them doesn't mean they disappeared. Therefore, the problems of objective real world decide in this reality with specific actions.

13. Don’t live by other people’s advice and don’t let it into yours. inner world and the world of his family of non-professionals. “Kitchen psychology” is good as a way to relieve stress, but very bad as a system effective recommendations. Usually it all comes down to an exchange of brain cockroaches.

14. It’s simple with men: you need to support them, listen to them, feed them, give them and not take away their place in the house. It’s simple with women: you need to talk to them and give them security and a feeling of love. It’s easy with everyone if you’re sincere and don’t want to break your partner by any means.

15. You should approach creating a family and having children when you know why you need them. Other people's opinions and attitudes of society do not work here.

16. If you make a mistake, forgive yourself and move on. Life is too interesting and beautiful to turn it into hell with your own hands.

8 chosen

We often wear masks: at work, on the street, communicating with friends and acquaintances, sometimes we don’t even take them off at home. Some of them are like us like two peas in a pod, others are strikingly different from us real. Let's figure it out why we need these psychological superstructures and what disadvantages they may have.

So, why are masks needed in the first place? In different life situations we play different roles, and this must be taken into account. If you are a strict boss at work, when you come home, you have to readjust so as not to behave the same way with your family. And vice versa, if you communicate with subordinates as if they were your own children, there will be no benefit from this.

In my opinion, wearing masks is not bad at all; at certain moments in life they are very necessary. Well, is it bad to smile at a child, even if the cat herself is scratching her soul? Or cheer up a loved one when you’re scared yourself?

With the help of masks you can solve some psychological problems. There is even such a practice - role therapy, during which people are invited to get used to various roles to overcome your fears.

Masks themselves are just a tool; they can be used for both good and bad purposes. And if we use masks only for the sake of good, then what is the problem? It turns out that here too There are some complications that would be good to avoid.

Imposed masks

It happens that we use some masks or models of behavior not because we like them, but because they are imposed: by colleagues, environment, loved ones. For example, parents raised their child from childhood leadership qualities, and he got used to putting on the mask of a leader. At the same time, it is quite possible that a person does not want to pretend to be a leader, but he uses this model of behavior out of habit. And when is our behavior goes contrary to our true desires, this inevitably has a negative impact on psychological state. Dig into your "home dressing room", look at which masks you don’t need at all - Maybe it’s worth taking them to the trash without a twinge of conscience?

Do you have to please everyone?

We often put on masks to please other people, this especially often happens with new acquaintances. I have noticed more than once how people who seem almost ideal at the beginning of communication lose a good half of their charm after a long acquaintance. The natural desire to be liked forces us to hide character flaws and emphasize strengths.

On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with this. But, on the other hand, it turns out that those around us don’t like us, but our masks, and upon closer communication, this becomes obvious - we cannot wear a mask all the time. So is it worth spending so much effort and time on people who don’t like the real us? After all, our friends and loved ones love us as we are, with all our advantages and disadvantages.

Do we want to be better or seem better?

Another reason why people wear masks is because they most often strive to be better than they actually are. We were all brought up on similar principles, we want to do well, and not what is easier, to be kind, and not evil, sympathetic, and not insensitive. Some people do it better, others worse, but almost everyone wants to seem good. So, maybe we should try to change what we don’t like about ourselves, and not just wear it habitually "good" mask?

Well, a little about sincerity

What about sincerity? Often open, sincere behavior looks much more attractive than all our nicest masks. T So if you can afford to be sincere, be so.

And finally, a funny approach to masks, which was formulated by the famous surrealist artist Salvador Dali: “If you start playing at being a genius, you will certainly become one!” And he did it!

Really, when we get used to portraying certain qualities, they often become part of our character. So we have a lot to learn from our own masks.

What masks do you wear? Do you think masks are good or bad?

Let's take off our masks!

This is approximately the case, because a person acquired this image, his mask, a very long time ago, defending himself from what they tried to do to him.

Taking and taking off a mask is scary.

The man still remembers the horror that forced him to put on the mask.

The horror is that no one really needs him and is dangerous.

That he is scolded, beaten and punished for this.

And the person remembers this horror.

What is a person's face?

This is the main part of his image, which we most often look at when communicating with each other. This is our business card.

When communicating with a person, we not only listen to what he tells us, but also automatically track his gestures, and most importantly, his facial expressions.

Moreover, not always being aware of the process itself, we clearly fixate on the result of our holistic perception of this particular person.

Every minute we play a role, hiding our true feelings and emotions behind masks.

But sometimes we take off our masks. Then it's time to choose faces.

And faces become masks.

Real problems are what really worries us, what eats us from the inside.

And over time, we can no longer show anyone what is happening in our souls. Why?

Why is it so scary to show your insides?

Why is it so difficult to admit that you are wrong?

So why do we hide what is wrong?

Because it destroys the “image of oneself” that a person has created and shows to others through his feelings and emotions.

Not real person communicates with people, and his images. And don't destroy this image.

Reason for strengthening muscle tension in adults – constant mental and emotional stress.

Hunting is the state of modern man.

Imposed ideals of material well-being and comfort, conditions for their achievement, focus on end result, not on life in present moment – keep people in constant tension.

Hence muscle tension, spasm of blood vessels, hypertension, osteochondrosis, peptic ulcer, etc.

Hypocrisy, the victim state, “a crown on the head,” manipulation and the like - all this is a manifestation of Pride.

Pride- This is the natural defense of Man. And you shouldn’t be ashamed of it or consider yourself defective. Yes, yes, this is exactly how clients answer me when they come to sessions. The only fact is that perhaps such protection was relevant before, but there comes a moment in a Man’s life when these emotions have become accustomed to him and turned into a mask that begins to dictate its terms and control the Man. And the client sometimes doesn’t even understand what’s happening to him: “Where do these sudden outbursts of aggression come from? Or a little bit of tears in your eyes, tearfulness?” Clients tell me this. This served as a combination of several techniques in order to maximally help people in solving many issues of their physical and mental condition.

Elimination of muscle tension, blocks and fears when using a combination of several techniques is achieved through:

• complete relaxation;
• accumulation of energy in the body;
• direct impact on chronic muscle blocks - brush massage;
• expression of released emotions, which are revealed at the same time;
• spontaneous release from fears from the past.

The reason for increased muscle tension in adults is constant mental and emotional stress.

As a result of the massage, microcirculation of blood and lymph, metabolic processes in tissues are improved, small wrinkles are smoothed out, facial muscles are tightened and become more elastic, and skin color improves. Massage provides a healing, rejuvenating and relaxing effect.

It is the relaxing effect that is extremely important, since any stress, painful experience, tension is “imprinted” into our body and remains on our face. This massage releases the physical and emotional stress, the body becomes relaxed and natural, vital energy flows freely over the face and entire body, creating a feeling of physical and mental comfort. Massage also has a positive effect on male potency and restores hormonal balance in women.

Massage with brushes and jade (or onyx) rollers in a combination of several energetic and metaphysical techniques is a pleasant and interesting procedure that will allow you to get a wonderful healing effect and relax, forgetting about everyday worries and problems. But it’s better to feel once than to hear many times...

Now ancient knowledge is returning to us in a new quality.

Brush facial massage is a beautiful, soft, but at the same time very powerful way of working. The massage takes into account individual characteristics each client, the individuality of his face and body, and the result is visible after the first session.

Soft and deep in impact, giving a long-lasting effect, it is called massage because the master holds different brushes in his hands and makes slow, soft movements over the client’s face. I wonder what exactly this speed gives good effect and the most pleasant sensations. In addition, lymph, a fluid that removes toxins from tissues and organs, moves at such a speed ( in simple words- the sewer system of our body).

The healing effect of brush massage affects not only the face, which becomes younger and more beautiful, but the entire body: it deeply relaxes along with the face, the natural energy balance is restored in it, and internal healing processes begin and are maintained.

Brush facial massage is a unique method of relaxation, removing “masks” of tension from the face, and correcting appearance.

Procedure, Naturally, it begins with cleansing the skin and toning. After this, before using the brushes, a preparatory massage of the face and body with rollers with crystals takes 8-10 minutes. Then the magical dance of the brushes begins: along the main massage lines at a certain pace, the master touches the skin with the brushes, achieving the effects of lymphatic drainage-relaxation-peace. During the session, 6 pairs of natural bristle brushes are used different sizes and different hardness, each of which gives unpredictable, but very comfortable sensations, cleansing energy channels, restoring psycho-emotional balance, improving the functioning of organs and systems (since touching with brushes has a beneficial effect on the facial projections of all organs).

A facial massage with brushes lasts about 35 minutes.

Brush facial massage is fast recovery after stress and physical and psychological stress on the body. Restores strength and energy.

And so - come, try and enjoy the result!

PRICE

one session “Removing the masks” in different countries differently,

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How to take off the mask with your interlocutor and is it worth asking tough questions? What is provocation in communication? How to recognize that the interlocutor is lying and what to do in this case? We all know popular phrase Shakespeare: "The whole world is a stage. In it women, men - all actors." We habitually put on one mask or another and take part in the masquerade called life. Why are we doing this? Very often we do not behave sincerely, we waste time on ourselves and others, but we very rarely think about the question: “For what purpose are we playing?” We are so accustomed to the fact that life is a masquerade that we don’t even ask the question: “Why, in fact, do they put on a mask?” Let's think, speaking not metaphorically, but literally, what kind of masks are there? Why are they dressed?

Carnival masks that seem to transform a person into another creature. Children love these masks. They love that in a split second they can turn into a kitten or Spider-Man. Literally in a second you can become someone else, someone you really are not. Knight masks, goalkeeper masks, masks for swimming in water - they all serve not to transform a person into someone else, but to protect him.

Those invisible masks that we put on every day combine these two properties. In other words, a person plays a role because he is afraid of something. What exactly is he afraid of? Any person is afraid that they will offend him, that they will tell him, point out, show, hint, or even prove that his place is not even in the center of life. When a boss puts on the mask of a strict leader, he is afraid that his subordinates will not perceive him as a boss and may offend him. When a girl in love puts on a mask of indifference, she is also afraid that if she is sincere, she will be offended. When the head waiter in a restaurant puts on the mask of a hospitable owner, he is afraid that you will not like the restaurant, you will not come here again and he will be offended. This fear is much stronger and deeper than the fear that the restaurant will lose money.

When a child puts on a mask of humility and obedience, he is afraid that he will be punished. When a person, when communicating with you, puts on a mask of being cool, this most often happens because he is afraid: you will understand that he is actually not that cool and will offend him. Consciously or unconsciously, whether we are aware of it or not, we are all afraid of the aggression of the world. Such fear can be expressed in excessive rudeness or in ostentatious humility - it does not matter, the roots are the same.

How to remove the mask from your interlocutor?

Human masks are somewhat reminiscent of wax masks. It melts easily with heat. How can we show this warmth? To make a person feel like the “center of the world.” That is, talk and communicate with a person so that he understands that now he is the center of the world for you.

We can give a person a compliment, but we must be careful here. A person who wears a mask expects aggression from the world, and if he suspects insincerity or, God forbid, irony in a compliment, then this can make his mask even stronger. If you still decide to give your interlocutor a compliment, then you must remember that compliments are divided into sincere ones and those that interfere with communication, and sometimes even destroy it.

We can also ask questions that force the interlocutor to remember . We have already said that, firstly, such questions soften a person, make him think about good things, and secondly, they show that you are interested in your counterpart, you are interested in his life and he is interested in you as a person. But also about questions that make you think, - you shouldn’t forget either. Very often simple questions: “How? Why? Why did you decide this?” make a person stop the flow of speech and think, and then the mask itself flies off his face. Instead of the usual accusations and reproaches, try asking these questions to your spouse during the next scandal. This is much more effective than simply getting emotional and sorting things out in a raised voice. Questions that make you remember melt the mask, and questions that make you think tear off the mask. And here you have to decide for yourself when, what questions and how to ask.

So, you can remove the mask from your interlocutor in different ways. However, we must remember that if in the future you do something that causes distrust of your interlocutor, then this will no longer be protection made of wax, but, let’s say, made of cast iron or steel. And it will be much more difficult to remove it than the first one. Why? You said a compliment, you smiled, you asked a question that turned your counterpart to a pleasant memory and he convinced him that you were interested in his life. In other words, you managed to prove that you are not aggressive. The interlocutor unloads, opens up to meet you, and provides exactly the information you came for. And suddenly you strike him with blunt and sharp questions or an insincere compliment, or an expressed desire to learn something from him that he categorically hides. There are many ways and possibilities to destroy trust. The interlocutor feels deceived. Only he felt like the center of the world and suddenly this happened. It is clear that he will begin to defend himself again. It is also clear that this second defense will be more serious and more powerful than the first.

Is it necessary to remove the mask from the interlocutor and is it worth asking “thorny” questions?

Before removing the mask from your interlocutor, you need to clearly understand whether you should do this or not? Who is more profitable to communicate with now? social function"or with a living person? We should talk about removing the mask only if you see a living person in front of you. Let’s say you were stopped by a traffic police inspector. He is always wearing the mask of “the most important boss of the world.” More often it is easier to play along with him in this role rather than take a long time to remove the mask from him.

Many people believe that in order to remove a person’s mask it is necessary to give him sharp unpleasant questions. Is this true? What are “thorny questions” - these are questions that force the interlocutor to defend himself. Such questions close a person even more. Why do we ask tough questions? Because we want to say: “Hello, it’s me!” We expect to show our own coolness, courage and originality. Perhaps we will even succeed. By starting a conversation in this way, we can feel our strength and importance, but to receive information and build a full-fledged dialogue with a closed person almost impossible. Does this mean that you shouldn’t ask tough questions at all? It’s possible, but you should never start communication with pressing questions. However, during a conversation there are situations when the interlocutor, despite all your efforts, is not available necessary information, then in exceptional cases, provocation can be used. Provocation is a method of conducting a conversation when you deliberately irritate your interlocutor, hoping that this will help to get necessary information. This technique should be used only if you feel the formality and meaninglessness of the current conversation and have already tried all other methods.

A provocative, pointed question is a serious weapon in a conversation. And like any weapon, it should be used rarely and forcedly, when other methods of obtaining information have not worked. This is a weapon with which you may tear off the mask from your interlocutor, simply tear it apart, but if the provocation fails, if it does not reveal the interlocutor, then it will close him forever. The conversation can end.

How can you tell if your interlocutor is lying?

It’s one thing when a person puts on a mask, but you’ll agree that it’s completely different when he lies. How to recognize that your interlocutor is lying and what to do in this case? Man is so interestingly designed by God, by nature, that it is inconvenient for him to lie. One of the classics argued that telling the truth is easy and pleasant, respectively, lying is difficult and unpleasant. The very fact that it is difficult and unpleasant for a person to lie indicates that it is unnatural.

Precisely because it is unnatural to lie, he certainly gives himself away. Suddenly a person becomes overly fussy, his eyes begin to dart, pauses appear in his speech, which not only surprise you, but also clearly irritate the speaker himself. Someone begins to fidget in their chair, as if they are uncomfortable sitting. Or, on the contrary, he will begin to speak excessively arrogantly, pathetically, but his eyes are a little frightened.

There are very few people who know how to lie, what is called organically. They exist, but, fortunately, they are not the majority. If you are attentive to your counterpart, you will certainly understand that he is lying. A free person takes part in the conversation. And when he begins to fantasize excessively or lie, he seems to be captured by his own fantasies, own lies. Any lack of freedom is an unnatural state. When a person suddenly begins to behave unusually, this should alert you.

However, in order to understand exactly where the lie is and where the truth is - non-verbal signs is no longer enough. Questions can help here. If it seems that a person is giving out false information, then try to ask him so-called closed questions, that is, those that require a clear answer “yes” or “no.” Or those that require a specific answer. For example, you need to find out from your child whether he skipped school today or not. As a rule, in this situation we approach from afar and begin to ask: “How was it at school today? What’s new?” a child can tell a lot of things. You can do things differently.

Did you skip school today?

No, says your child. But from the look of him you understand that this is not true. A series of specific questions: “How many children were in the class today? What lessons were there? What did they have for breakfast?” They force him to surrender.

If you want to get information from a person, you should not pretend that you do not notice that he is lying. A person whom you caught lying once during a conversation will most likely not lie again. He may become rather irritated for a while, he may even interrupt the conversation, but if he continues it, he will tell the truth. But a person who thinks that you don’t understand that he is lying will continue to do this. This means that such a conversation as a way to obtain information will cease to make sense.

Based on materials from the book by Andrey Maksimov “Communication: in search of common ground”

Communication skills and exercises for happiness and success.

Communication skills and specific practical exercises that will help increase personal efficiency in business and personal life, improve relationships with people around you and become a happier and more successful person.

Excerpt from Nikolai Kozlov’s speech at the conference “Find and Accept Yourself 2.0”

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