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home Nature in literature A great many parents around the world are thinking about how to improve the process of raising their child and make it more effective, because in itself it is associated with many problems, subtleties and nuances. This is especially true when it comes to raising boys: their daily lives are filled with many challenges (physical, psychological, emotional) and stress. And, of course, every caring parent must do everything necessary to ensure that his son is able to pass all the “tests” with his head held high, steadfastly and confidently. How things turn out often depends on this

future life a growing man. But what else should parents know about raising their sons? After all, today, it would seem, there are practically no topics left that psychologists have not studied. But in fact, the issue of education can be considered indefinitely and new facets can be found. It is for this reason that its relevance has remained for decades. And many interesting information».

William Pollack's book on this topic contains

Real boys. How to save our sons from myths and boyishness 978-5-905392-17-7.

About the book

ISBN

The basis of this book is the author’s own research on the topic of how it is customary to raise sons in today’s society, and what myths, stereotypes and prejudices exist in connection with this. In today's world, boys, for the most part, are experiencing a certain crisis of consciousness. And there are a number of reasons for this. One of them, according to the author of the book “Real Boys” William Pollack, can confidently be called the fact that boys are separated from their mothers too early. And boys experience this separation itself twice - in infancy and in adolescence. The author considers the second reason to be an unspoken set of norms of behavior in society, provided for boys and expected by the same society. This set of rules is sometimes also called the “Boys Code.” And it is based on stereotypes that have lost all relevance and meaning, but are still valid., but, in addition to this, the necessary tips, tricks and recommendations to improve education are also given. It tells about what it is necessary to focus on when upbringing, what points of contact are best to use and what lines of behavior to adhere to; which should become the basis of the so-called new “code” that will replace the old one.

The author tactfully and respectfully, but very competently, points out to parents what it is desirable to correct so that their sons can find their way in life and grow up to be real men. William Pollack's book "Real Boys" will be useful to both parents and teachers, educators and psychologists.

about the author

The author of the book "Real Boys" is a great specialist and recognized authority in the field of boys' and male psychology, senior lecturer in psychology at Harvard Medical School, founder of the Society for the Study of Men and Masculinities, and consultant on school safety issues at the US Department of Education.

About the publication

Language: Russian.

Publisher:"Resource".

Format: 140x212, integral binding, 512 pages.

Buy the book “Real Boys” by William Pollack. We advise how to save our sons from myths about boyhood, first of all, to parents of boys, but also, of course, to all those who are interested and concerned about the problems of education.

William Pollack is a Harvard professor who has been researching masculinity for 20 years. I wrote this book based on extensive research."Listening to the boys' voices."The author writes that in our society there is an unspoken Boy code, and this code - the “Procrustean bed of sex” - affects both boys and parents. The book is about how this “code” kills the boy’s true self, and what can be done about it.

Introduction

Boys are separated from their mother too early. The mother is expected to “cut the umbilical cord” that connects her son to her and, in fact, to the entire family. Already at the age of 5 or 6 years, many boys are pushed out of the family and expected to be independent at school, in camp, in different types activities and situations that they may not yet be ready to handle on their own.

The problem is not that parents introduce boys to the world - that's what parents should do - but how we do it. Boys are separated from their families too suddenly, insufficiently prepared, without emotional support, unable to express their feelings and often without the opportunity to go back or change their mind. We cannot stand delays, we do not hear complaints. This is because we believe that a break is important, even necessary, for a boy to grow up and become a man. We don't expect the same from girls. In fact, if we were to push girls into separation in the same way as boys - with little help or support - we would expect the outcome to be traumatic.

I believe that boys, ashamed of their vulnerability, hide their emotions and, ultimately, their true colors. Unnecessary separation from family and their true selves leaves many boys feeling alone, helpless, and afraid. The prevailing myths in society do not allow boys the right to these emotions, and the boy feels that he “does not measure up.” He cannot talk about this failure of his, he is ashamed of it, but he cannot talk about his shame either. Over time, his sensitivity is so suppressed that he loses touch with his inner self. And then the boy “tempers”, becomes the way society sees him.

And even as we continue to “toughen up” our boys the old fashioned way, we expect them to meet modern and conflicting expectations, especially when it comes to relationships. We want them to be “new men” in creating relationships, treat girls with respect, share their experiences emotionally difficult situations and transformed their “machismo” into male strength, responsibility and sexuality. In short, we want our boys to be sensitive New Age kids while still being cool dudes. So is it any wonder that boys are at a loss in the face of these double standards?

The book discusses in detail the following...

Professor Harvard University Dr. William Pollack is widely known for his research into male psychology and masculinity. The book is based on his large-scale study, “Listening to the Voices of Boys,” which allowed the author to conclude that in our culture there is a deep misconception about proper education boys.
Dr. Pollack names several reasons for the crisis of consciousness that today's boys are experiencing. One of them is separation trauma - the premature separation of a boy from his mother. The boy experiences this trauma twice: first in infancy, and then again in adolescence. Another reason is the so-called “Boy Code” - a set of unspoken rules behavior and expectations of society, which are based on outdated and completely useless gender stereotypes. By obeying the “Boy Code,” boys are ashamed of their vulnerability and hide their true feelings under the guise of “masculinity.”
The book discusses the following issues in detail:
how does raising boys differ from raising girls?
how to increase boys' self-esteem;
how to avoid double standards of masculinity;
how to help boys become confident and emotionally expressive men;
how to make boys stronger by strengthening family attachments;
how to help boys find their authentic voice.
William Pollack not only diagnoses the way boys are raised, but also offers a cure. He believes boys need permission to express their feelings and more nurturing than they currently receive. They need fathers who are emotionally involved in their lives, with irreplaceable gifts such as cooperative games with son. They need mothers. It is affection that should become the basis of the new boyish code. Using the power of attachment, we can teach boys to be themselves, to go to adult life in our own way - to be truly real boys, to grow up to be strong, real men. Our love is the force that will teach boys to resist the “code.” This is the strength from which true masculinity is born.
The book will be useful to parents of sons, and will also provide invaluable assistance to educators, teachers, coaches and psychologists.
3rd edition, corrected and expanded.

Olga Shikhova, clinical psychologist: review of the book from the publishing house "Resource" "Real Boys".

This is a much needed book in our country. This is a feminist book, written by a man, about future men with sympathy and empathy for both sexes. Boys don't have to be tough tin soldiers, speaks . Boys feel, boys want to be friends with each other and with girls, boys want and know how not only to fight and survive, but also to love and empathize. There is nothing good about the “boy code” of behavior, based on shame and fear, requiring boys to be “tough” - strong and emotionless. It doesn't harden a boy's character, it just teaches us to sweep problems under the rug - until they become too big, so big that they lead to fatal consequences, and we can no longer ignore them.

Boys need more than just discipline and a firm hand. Boys need a family - and, in particular, a mother.

William Pollack argues with the popular belief that mothers “spoil” boys, spoil them, that the boy must be separated from an overly soft mother and thrown into the river to swim so that they “harden” and are able to “survive in a cruel world.”

Boys also need a father. But not at all in the “courageous and tough” father, who contrasts himself with the soft and indulgent mother. Boys need a father who spends time with them, who is interested in their affairs, a father who has the patience to support the child, and not just punish and discipline. The light from under the door does not educate, and the coolest macho does not educate if he is too busy to play football or listen to his son. What is important is the contact between father and son, which can only be created by the father himself (and not the mother for him).

William Pollack writes that by focusing on the problems of girls (this, however, is not about Russia), teachers and psychologists miss the problems of boys. That depression does not occur less often in boys, but is diagnosed less often, since the diagnostic criteria are more suitable for girls. That boys suffer no less, we notice their problems less - in particular, because we, adults, first teach boys not to complain, to hide pain, to be strong - and if not to be, then at least to appear. That some cases of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder - a disorder diagnosed several times more often in boys) may actually be depression or a consequence of psychological problems.

Indeed, boys make up most students of correctional classes. They are more likely to have problems learning school curriculum. Pollack raises the question of how much of these problems are related to neurological disorders, and how much is due to the discrepancy between school teaching methods and the characteristics of boys.

A very difficult topic is teenage suicide.

This is primarily a problem for boys - boys commit suicide several times more often than girls (also indirectly suggests that perhaps there is something wrong with the methods for diagnosing depression in boys). Boys have a harder time than girls getting help because it is indecent for a boy to show weakness and ask for sympathy. Boys often do not complain, but become isolated, not giving the opportunity to help themselves.

This is a book that talks about real boys, and not about the mythical sons of a regiment without fear and reproach. About boys who are going to be grown men worthy people, fathers. About how not to poison their lives with shame and self-loathing, attempts to push themselves into the obviously narrow framework of ideas about traditional masculinity - about a man who does not cry, does not complain, does not feel and does not sympathize.

Dr. Pollack names several reasons for the crisis of consciousness that today's boys are experiencing. One of them is separation trauma - the premature separation of a boy from his mother. The boy experiences this trauma twice: first in infancy, and then again in adolescence. Another reason is the so-called “Boy Code” - a set of unspoken rules of behavior and expectations of society that are based on outdated and completely useless gender stereotypes. By obeying the “Boy Code,” boys are ashamed of their vulnerability and hide their true feelings under the guise of “masculinity.”

William Pollack's book on this topic contains

• Name: Real boys. How to save our sons from myths about boyhood
• William Pollack
• Genre: Psychology
• Series:-
• ISBN: 978-5-905392-17-7
• Pages: 131
• Translation: Lyudmila Vladimirovna Petranovskaya
• Publisher: Resource
• Year: 2014

EBook

For work of this magnitude, the efforts and ideas of one person are not enough. The author is constantly looking for a variety of personal, professional, and creative supports, which turn out to be his friends, family members, and colleagues. So I would like to express my sincere gratitude to those who helped Real Boys come to fruition.

First, I want to thank my editor at Random House, Kate Medina. Without her insight, energy, sincere support and critical comments, this book could not have been published. From our first meeting in Cambridge, I sensed her deep interest in my work and her hope that my research and this book could change the way we understand and raise boys. Her editorial comments and suggestions were brilliant, and I will be forever grateful to her for the way her creative direction turned a bunch of ideas into a cohesive whole...