Emotions are an essential part of our everyday life. Do we laugh at good joke or we experience irritation while stuck in a traffic jam - the experiences we experience significantly affect our lives. In addition, our ability to control our emotions determines the light in which others perceive us.
If we laugh at a funny message from a friend during business meeting- V best case scenario, they will look at us with pity. On the other hand, displays of anger are also often completely inappropriate and can lead to undesirable consequences. Fortunately, you can develop useful skills that will allow you to hide your emotions at the right time. Let's look at some of them.
- Learn to identify signs by which you can judge a change in your condition. If you feel like you're losing control, stop! Indeed, at such moments people act more automatically, without much thought possible consequences. Learn to identify the signals that indicate the onset of such a state. For example, these could be physical signs– clenched jaw, or a rush of blood to the face. Or you may notice that, as you lose control of yourself, thoughts come to you about quitting or divorcing your spouse. Having learned to pay attention to these signs in time, you will act more consciously next time, as well as apply other techniques to control emotions.
- Reduce the intensity of experiences. First of all, in order to hide your experiences from others, you need to learn to control them. Do it in moments strong voltage and at the same time preserve rational thinking, quite difficult. In order to assess the situation soberly, it is necessary to moderate the ardor a little. To do this, you can leave the room or go outside. Fresh air will help clarify thoughts and reduce emotions. Or try doing any monotonous activity. This could be drawing or knitting. The peculiarity of such classes is that they include repetitive movements that help you concentrate on the present moment.
- Understand what is important right now. When we are under stress, it is very important to understand what is truly important and what depends on our actions. For example, you came to important meeting. And suddenly you realize that when you closed the car doors, you left your keys in it. What is important at this moment - the meeting or the keys? The answer is obvious: you need to rush to the meeting, and you can deal with the keys later. It is necessary to determine priorities in time, as well as the range of possibilities, since learning to hide your emotions and feelings without these skills will also be very difficult.
- Study body language. Most experiences becomes obvious to others through posture, gestures, facial expressions and other signs. Therefore, having mastered those features with the help of which the body expresses different emotions, you can hide those that you deem necessary. If you need to hide your anxiety, avoid nervous movements, try to relax your whole body. Special role Facial expressions play a role in expressing emotions. If you want to hide anger or irritation, relax your facial muscles: do not tense your eyebrows, nose, or jaw. Once you have perfected your craft, people will be completely unable to discern what passions are truly bubbling within you.
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- Remove yourself from the situation. This is absolutely necessary when you need to hide your emotions and feelings. The easiest way is to recall happy memories. Think about the moments you spent with your loved ones. This will help you mentally transport yourself back in time from the anxious or stressful environment you are in. at the moment.
- Change the meaning you attach to a certain situation. The more you practice the methods described above, the less “catchy” they will be for you. difficult situations. You may even find something good about them in terms of the lessons they can teach and the skills they can help you develop. To change the meaning of the situation, repeat to yourself, for example, the following phrase: “This is not a problem.” The more often you do this, the faster your subconscious mind will be able to believe that this really is not a problem.
Question to a psychologist
Hello! I am 16 years old and I constantly hide my feelings and emotions. I got used to this since childhood, I realized that it was easier to deal with some problems this way. Pretending that everything is fine, you involuntarily begin to believe it yourself. I only cry if there is a serious reason for it. Even when I’m very sad, but I understand that the problem is not terrible, I can’t cry. And only recently did this ability of mine not to show my emotions begin to scare me. (I should note that I only suppress bad emotions, I don’t want anyone to think that everything is bad with me) I am one of those people who are always very cheerful, energetic, and whom it is impossible to think that they are sad. I don’t even tell my very close people and friends that I feel bad. Sometimes I cry all night, and then I go to school very cheerful, but my soul is sad. Sometimes I tell someone later, after a while, that there were problems then and there, it was hard. And they usually ask me why I didn’t tell right away, and how is it even possible to pretend that everything is fine, when in fact everything is very bad, and I myself don’t know. I don't know what to do with this. In addition, I began to notice that the feelings that I hide later and do not have to be hidden: they simply disappear. It seems to me that soon I won’t have to pretend, because I’m becoming indifferent to everything, I’m becoming heartless. I hope you can help me
Answers from psychologists
Marina, it’s good that you sounded the alarm about your condition in time. Yes, you correctly noted that there is a reciprocal relationship between outward expression emotions and internal state. Not only ours internal state evokes emotion, but also external manifestation emotions can be caused by an internal state that corresponds to this emotion! This was established by American psychologists (so they all walk and smile completely in public). So, if you “stuff” your feelings, not allowing them to be expressed in facial expressions, appearance and behavior, then over time they will actually begin to disappear from the palette of your experiences!
There is also such a term among psychologists as “congruence” of emotions and experiences - this is how accurately the emotions that a person expresses (primarily with facial expressions) correspond to his real experiences. There is a simple exaggerated example to understand the meaning of “congruence” - if a boy likes a girl, and for this reason he pulls her pigtails, then this means that the congruence of his experience and his behavior in connection with this is na-ru-she-na!
Just try to be yourself. If you are sad or annoyed, or you feel sorry for someone, behave naturally. You are a living person and have the right to different feelings and emotions, like everyone else.
Sincerely, online psychologist Pokolova Yanina (Arkhangelsk)
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0A chance meeting with a friend of our youth whom we had long lost sight of; emergency situation on the road; speaking in front of an unfamiliar audience; the long-awaited first “mom” or “dad” from the lips of a child - many events daily awaken our emotions. We are embarrassed by them, afraid to look ridiculous from the outside, we restrain ourselves and think that we control them. And yet emotions get the better of us every now and then.
Double standards
Perhaps the fact is that we grew up in a society where the ability to control our feelings - “master ourselves” - has always been considered a virtue. Self-control, like a vigilant guard, constantly reminds us: it is indecent to behave too emotionally, it is impossible to openly show your anger, it is necessary to hide your fear, restrain your excitement and even joy.
Any strong emotional reaction may seem inappropriate, funny, even obscene and be perceived as a manifestation of our weakness.
There are not many exceptions: this is joy or anxiety experienced simultaneously by many people who find themselves in certain circumstances. So, it is natural to shout and chant slogans together at a football stadium or to empathize together in front of a television screen on which a tsunami wave is sweeping away a peaceful beach. But, let’s say, dancing in the office on the occasion of a promotion is, to put it mildly, not accepted - just as openly experiencing one’s grief is not accepted.
Strict self-control creates a certain psychological comfort for us: ritualized manifestations of emotions somewhat soften the state of affect (strong short-term emotional experience) and regulate it. But at the same time, self-control causes frustration, creating a dangerous gap between how we feel and how we behave.
Thanks to emotions, we express our true “I” and become clearer to other people. We also need emotions to survive.
Those whose own emotionality interferes with their lives sometimes try to “drown out” it with the help of a miracle pill. Many blame their own, as it seems to them, oversensitivity their own parents, who raised them “wrongly”. But both do not know or forget how important the manifestation of emotions is for our lives. Thanks to them, we express our true “I” and become clearer to other people. Moreover, emotions are essential for our survival.
In this sense, by suppressing our emotions, we literally put ourselves at risk, because each of them plays its own special role.
Fear tells us about real or imagined danger. It captures what is meaningful to our lives at the moment. Fear not only receives information, but also gives commands to the body: it directs blood to the legs, if you should run, or to the head, if you need to think. Typically, fear mobilizes our energy, although sometimes its effect is the opposite: it paralyzes us while we decide how to act in a particular situation.
Anger sometimes confused with the violence it can provoke. Typically, this feeling comes over a person when he suspects that he is not being taken seriously (and some people live with this feeling all the time). But anger can also be useful: it causes the release of hormones (including adrenaline) into the blood, and they, in turn, provide a powerful surge of energy. And then we feel our strength, we feel courage and self-confidence. In addition, anger indicates to us that we have reached a point at which we can no longer control ourselves - in a sense, it replaces the manifestation of violence.
Joy acts like a magnet: it attracts others and helps them share their feelings. It is also known that smiling and laughter have a healing effect, strengthening the body's immune defense
Grief helps to withdraw into oneself to cope with the loss ( loved one, some qualities in oneself, material objects...) and return the energy of life. It allows you to “overcome yourself,” adapt to the loss and re-find the lost meaning of what is happening. In addition, the experience of grief evokes the sympathy and attention of other people - and we feel more protected.
Joy- the most desired emotion. She is the one who releases maximum quantity energy, stimulating the release of pleasure hormones. We feel confident self-worth, freedom, we feel that we are loved and loved. Joy acts like a magnet: it attracts others to us and helps us share our feelings. It is also known that smiling and laughter have a healing effect, strengthening the body's immune defense.
Mind and Feelings
Another important benefit of emotions is that they make us smarter. For a long time science in some sense devalued them, placed them lower thinking mind. Indeed, from the point of view of evolution, emotions were born in the depths of the “pre-human” archaic mind and are closely related to instinctive behavior animals. New sections of the cerebral cortex, which, in particular, are responsible for the processes of conscious thinking, appeared much later.
But today it is known that reason does not exist in its pure form - it is nourished by emotions. American neurologist Antonio Damasio proved that cognition, which is not accompanied by emotions, turns out to be sterile, and emotionally cold man unable, for example, to learn from his mistakes. It is interesting that children and adults learn and remember something new only against the backdrop of a positive and sufficiently strong emotional impulse, which, figuratively speaking, opens the door to new area neural connections.
In a professional environment, the most successful are not specialists with multiple diplomas, but those who are able to analyze their feelings and manage both their own and others’ emotions
Perception also does not exist without emotions. Every word we perceive, every gesture, smell, taste, image is immediately “interpreted” by our senses. Without emotions, we would turn into automata and lead a rather colorless existence.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman introduced scientific circulation concept " emotional intelligence" He came to the conclusion that our personal success depends not so much on IQ, an indicator intellectual development, how much from the emotional quotient (EQ).
Based on experimental data, he proved that in a professional environment, the most successful are not specialists with many diplomas, but those who have valuable human qualities- the ability to analyze your feelings and manage both your own and others’ emotions.
When such people, for example, ask for help in solving some problem, those around them readily respond, while “emotionally disabled” (with low EQ) can wait several days for an answer to their request...
Voice of the unconscious
Emotions tell us vital information about ourselves or what we are dealing with, and therefore we should trust them, listen to them and rely on them. At first glance, this existential position seems to contradict personal experience many of us: more than once we have made mistakes, following our feelings.
The greatest German philosopher Max Scheler explained this contradiction by the existence of two types of sensations. On the one hand, there are contact sensations that act like the mechanism of touch.
When we feel joy, we feel better, we can relax, we worry less, and therefore we are able to experience “ more life" If something upsets or makes us angry, we almost physically feel that our health, energy, “part of life,” is being taken away from us. Contact feelings communicate important information about the existential significance of what is happening for my health, my vitality. But one should not rely on such feelings (often coming from childhood) when making decisions; it is important to be able to set them aside and put them out of brackets.
If you look back at your life, you will probably notice that all the most important and right decisions they accepted it, relying on instinct: rational explanations usually come later
Another type of sensation is distant. They are not directly related to our current state, but they capture something very significant about another person. This is a well-known intuitive feeling. It is this that prompts us to ask a loved one: “Did something happen to you?” Or he says: “We urgently need to call home!”
We are not taught to listen to distant feelings, but they are the ones that allow us to instantly assess the atmosphere in a group of people and form an impression about the interlocutor or the situation. If you look back at your life, you will probably notice that all the most important and correct decisions in it were made by relying on instinct: rational explanations usually come later.
Trust in your emotions can and should be cultivated and trained. It is only important not to confuse contact feelings, which report about us personally, with distant feelings, which talk about another person.
High voltages
When the power of experiences is too great, our mechanisms turn on psychological protection- and we don’t feel anything anymore. Depression, apathy, stupor - this is how it looks from the outside, but from the inside a person simply no longer hurts, as during anesthesia. We transform suppressed (“forgotten”) emotions into bodily sensations, erasing the relationship between the emotional experience and what caused it.
Sometimes emotions take on the appearance of their opposite. Sadness is sometimes expressed as euphoric excitement; joy is in tears; sometimes we can laugh out loud - as long as despair does not crush us. Psychological defense mechanisms deplete our mental and physical strength and almost always turn out to be ineffective: at some point, true feelings break through and overwhelm us.
Those who successfully hide their emotions are also susceptible to their pressure. You can fake laughter, play anger, lie about your true feelings, but it’s still impossible to pretend forever: sooner or later they will come out. So it’s better to be able to accept them as they are.
Are you hot-tempered or hypersensitive, complex or paralyzed by fear... Try to master several simple exercises that will help harmonize your emotions.
You have a complex
You hold back, not allowing yourself to express either anger or joy... There is a motive for your behavior that is not easy for you to admit. The solution is to “let go” of yourself, to free your feelings.
Try to express your feelings with gestures
Words are important, but 90% of our emotions are expressed through facial expressions and the body. A smile, posture, gestures - even a simple shrug says more about our attitude to what is happening than long speeches...
Acknowledge the existence of emotions
If a child is afraid of wolves, it is useless to convince him that they are not found in our forests. Accepting his feelings, parents may ask, “What can I do to calm you down?” There is no shame in being afraid, there is no need to be ashamed of fears.
None of our emotions are dangerous; they are our allies, from whom we should not constantly expect a dirty trick.
Keep a diary
You're paralyzed by fear
The higher the “stakes” (that is, the greater the loss if you lose and the greater the reward if you win), the more you panic. You are so afraid of failure that you mentally imagine the most catastrophic scenarios and you give up. The solution is to master your feelings and overcome the “paralysis” of the will.
Who does the person who scares you look like? Maybe the teacher who tormented you as a child, or the neighbor who did not give you access? Each stressful situation awakens in us memories of something we experienced in the past, often in the first six years of life. And the feeling of fear that we could not overcome returns to us again.
Breathe correctly
Focus on your breathing: lengthen your exhalations and shorten your inhales to neutralize your internal sensations.
Remember your successes
About, for example, how you passed an exam brilliantly or won a tennis set against a friend. By drawing on past successes and the feelings of pleasure associated with them, you can overcome the desire to see catastrophic scenarios of events that have not yet happened.
Prepare for the test
Consider the possible options for the event, determine what you want to achieve in any case, and what you can give in... This will help you better control your emotions.
Look at your interlocutor, but not directly in the eyes, but at a point between them
You will be able to focus on what you say, and not on what you read in his eyes...
You have a short temper
The solution is to learn to control your feelings and manage a conflict situation.
Don't accumulate complaints
The more you accumulate them in yourself, the more you risk breaking down. By speaking up about your grievances, you help yourself avoid an outburst of unbridled anger.
Learn to express your feelings clearly
Name the feeling that bothers you. Without complaining or blaming, say openly: “I’m having problems at work, I’m stressed out and don’t know what to do.”
Take breaks
The brain needs time to make a decision and take control of the situation. Relax your solar plexus by taking a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, exhale and wait before inhaling again. Close your eyes for 2-3 seconds from time to time: turning off visual signals reduces stress.
American psychotherapist Haim Ginott advises constructing your statements according to the scheme: “When you did X, I felt Y, and at that moment I wanted you to do Z.” For example: “When you reproached me for being late, I felt guilty. It would be better if you hugged me instead of scolding me.”
Give a helping hand
Before responding to aggression with aggression, ask the “aggressor”: “Is there anything wrong with you?” Or offer him a truce: “I’m starting to get nervous, let’s take a break and cool down.”
You are hypersensitive
You react sharply to both criticism and compliments. The solution is to establish balanced relationships with people.
Don't focus on yourself
You worry excessively about what others think of you. Try to “move away” a little from yourself and show empathy (empathy). Learn to put yourself in another person's shoes. What is he thinking about? What is he worried about? This change in perspective helps change the relationship strategy.
Don't strive to be loved by everyone
Sometimes it’s worth taking a risk and agreeing that your actions will not please someone and will make life difficult for others. It is impossible to avoid manifestations of rivalry, antipathy, and incompatibility of characters. The more clearly you understand this, the easier it will be for you to accept it, and the harder it will be for others to deceive you.
Try to find trigger situations
Make a list of situations in which you are particularly vulnerable and words that provoke you. inappropriate behavior. When you encounter them again, you will be able to recognize them and not get confused.
Avoid categorical forecasts
Addressing yourself in a commanding tone (“I have to make a career!”) or a minor tone (“I’ll probably live my whole life alone…”) is not good for you: you feel the weight of guilt for your troubles, and this weakens your vitality and does not allow you to tune in to win.
How to hide emotions?
It is possible to mask emotions!
Suppressing your feelings is akin to suicide. Negative thoughts lead to heart attacks and strokes, influence the appearance of psychosomatic diseases. It's better to take care of yourself in advance.
· Before you learn to hide your emotions, you need to buy sunglasses if it’s summer outside and unpleasant conversation With ex-boyfriend or an insincere friend.
· You can imagine yourself in a mirror ball, behind a stone wall, so that negativity or fears from the outside stop penetrating into life.
· It is allowed to carry a pin and a mirror in your pocket in case of fear of evil from the outside.
· A cup of green tea or validol in your purse sometimes not only masks emotions, but simply prevents them from developing.
Switch, or How to hide emotions on your face
If your eyes twitch from fear, your lips tremble, and a person begins to stutter, it’s time to understand: he has the power to make his fears work for him. Such psychological sublimation can move mountains! You just need to change the direction.
1. If you don’t want to cry, you need to raise your eyes up and look around - at the lamp hanging from the ceiling, at the pear-shaped cloud. As one of the physical education teachers said in the series of the same name, when you want to cry, you can open your eyes. Let your opponent be afraid!
2. If anger comes up, you need to give it a way out. Just not as assault. You can ask for a minute's break and go to another room. And here... Squat or do push-ups until you drop. With such shaky nerves, your figure will soon change beyond recognition! So the title of Miss Universe is just a stone's throw away.
But there are times when you need to cry - when they propose, talk about future children, watch a heartfelt movie. And in tragic situations, you should not be ashamed of tears.
But pulling yourself together is a must in emergency situations. It’s enough not to focus on yourself, but to think about how the other person is feeling now—needing help or shouting angrily. For some, it gets worse. You need not to be selfish, and your problems will fade into the background. There will be no time for unnecessary emotions!
