Ecology of life. People: There are a lot of ways to make people angry, and most of them don't require any effort. It is enough to look at what you are doing on social networks, or chat with you for a few seconds.
There are plenty of ways to make people angry, and most of them don't require any effort. It is enough to look at what you are doing on social networks, or chat with you for a few seconds. We have selected some of the most common reasons that turn people away and explain how to avoid such situations. Read it - does it sound familiar?
But research shows that when you post too many photos on social media, it can damage your relationships with people. “People - unless they are your close friends and family - are not very accepting of those who constantly post photos of themselves,” says the author of one of these studies. In particular, your friends don't like it when you have too many photos of your family, and your relatives don't like it when you have too many photos with your friends. So be careful with photos - they can both strengthen the relationship and deal a blow to it.
2. You have too many or too few friends on social networks
The authors of one study asked participants to rate the profiles of fictitious social network users. This was in 2008, and then the ideal number of friends turned out to be something around 300 (the average number of study participants was about that). When the user had about 100, he received low rating(many users simply did not like him), and a similar situation arose when he had significantly more than 300 friends. Interestingly, people did not realize that they were evaluating a profile by the number of friends - they simply said that they liked or did not like this person.
If you look at a group of people who have on average about 1000 friends on a social network, then the ideal number would be this very thousand. But recent surveys show that the average social network user has 338 friends.
3. You talk about something personal too early.
People usually like each other better when they share something confidential. But psychologists say that when you reveal some intimate information when you are just building a relationship with a person, it gives the impression that you are insecure and pushes people away from you. It is important to communicate personal level, but not too personal. As research by Susan Sprecher from the University of Illinois shows, talking about your hobbies and favorite childhood memories can make you seem warmer and more pleasant.
4. You ask others questions, but don’t talk about yourself at all.
The same research by Susan Sprecher shows that it is important to share details personal life was mutual. People don't like it if you don't reciprocate in exchange for some intimate information. “Although shy or insecure people may ask questions to deflect attention away from themselves, our research suggests that this is not a good relationship-building strategy,” the authors write.
5. Your profile photo is too close-up
If your profile, say on LinkedIn, shows your face very close to the camera, it is better to change this photo. Research shows that people photographed from a distance of 45 centimeters are perceived as less attractive, competent and trustworthy than those photographed from a distance of 135 centimeters.
6. You hide your emotions
Research shows that this is a bad relationship strategy. In one study, people were shown scenes from famous films and were asked to either restrain emotions or express them openly. Then they showed videos of these people to other study participants and asked them how pleasant it would be to make friends with the people in the video and evaluate them. Those who suppressed their emotions were rated as less agreeable, less extroverted, and less agreeable than those who naturally expressed emotions.
Researchers believe this is due to the idea of reciprocity, which we discussed above: “When someone hides their feelings, it can be perceived as their disinterest in intimacy, social support, joint activities."
7. You're being too kind
You might think that altruism helps you win new friends, but research says otherwise. In 2010, scientists at the University of Washington gave study participants points that could be kept or exchanged for lunch at a cafe. Participants were told that they were playing in groups of five - although four of them were "plants" - and that when you share points with others, it increases the chances of the whole group receiving a cash reward.
Some of the "dummy" participants gave away a lot of points, but most real participants in the end they said that they no longer wanted to work with such people. Some said that against the backdrop of such altruism they themselves look somehow not very good, while others suspected that altruists have some kind of hidden selfish motives.
The conclusion is this: you shouldn’t be that person who always agrees to buy and bring pizza to a meeting or deal with a printer in which paper is stuck. It’s worth saying “no” from time to time - just explain why.
8. You praise yourself under the guise of self-criticism.
Don't try to impress friends or potential employers by hiding self-praise behind self-criticism. This really turns off a lot of people. In one recent study, students were asked to write down how they would describe themselves in an interview. main weakness. More than 75% of participants said they were perfectionists or complained that they worked too hard.
But those participants who rated these reviews with more likely were ready to hire those who spoke honestly about themselves, and such honest people were more liked by evaluators - for example, those who wrote that they "don't always manage to stay organized" or admitted that they "sometimes react too nervously."
Another smart option is to write about weaknesses that are not directly related to yours. potential job: For example, if you're applying for a copywriting position, it's okay to admit that you're afraid of speaking in public.
9. You're too nervous
Research shows that when you make others sweat, others subconsciously make unfavorable judgments about you. In 2013, participants in one study were shown videos of women in regular life situations- at work or in communication with children. During the viewing, three types of odors were distributed in the hall: 1) the smell of sweat during sports activities; 2) the smell of sweat that is released during stress; 3) the smell of sweat from stress, but with added deodorant.
Participants were then asked to rate these women's level of competence, confidence, and trust they deserved. The video's heroines received the lowest ratings when the video was accompanied by the smell of sweat caused by stress. The deodorant gave more high marks. So if you are prone to sweat from excitement, do not hesitate to use deodorant. published
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Mark Manson
Here are 20 paradoxes that, oddly enough, work.
1. The more we dislike a trait in others, the more likely we are to avoid it in ourselves.
The famous psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung believed that the qualities that irritate us in other people are actually a reflection of the qualities that we deny in ourselves. For example, those who are unhappy with their weight will notice chubby people everywhere. And people experiencing financial difficulties will criticize those who earn a lot. Sigmund Freud called this projection. Most would simply call it "being a jerk."
2. People who don't trust anyone aren't trustworthy themselves.
People who constantly feel insecure in relationships are more likely to undermine them themselves. After all, we often try to protect ourselves from pain by hurting others first.
3. The more we try to impress people, the less they like us.
Nobody likes someone who tries too hard.
4. The more often we fail, the more likely we will succeed.
Edison created more than 10,000 samples of the incandescent lamp before he invented a successful one. And you've probably heard many more similar stories. comes when we correct ourselves and improve, and we have to correct ourselves when we have failed.
5. The more afraid we are of something, the more likely we are to do it.
Except in truly life-threatening situations, our fight-or-flight instinct usually kicks in when we are confronted with past traumas or actions that make us uncomfortable. For example, usually an attractive person and I call someone asking for a job, speak in public, start our own business, express controversial opinion, be completely honest with someone.
6. The more we fear death, the less we enjoy life.
As Anaïs Nin wrote: “Life contracts and expands in proportion to your courage.”
7. The more we learn, the more we realize how little we know.
Every time we learn something, we have new questions.
8. The less we care about others, the less we care about ourselves.
It would seem that it should be the other way around. But people treat others the same way they treat themselves. It may not be obvious to others, but those who are cruel to others are usually cruel to themselves.
9. The more social opportunities we have, the more lonely we feel.
Even though we now have much more different means for communication, in last decades researchers note in developed countries increased level loneliness and depression.
10. The more afraid we are of failure, the more likely we are to fail.
This is also called a self-fulfilling prophecy.
11. The more we try, the harder the task will seem.
When we expect something to be difficult, we often unconsciously make it more difficult.
12. The more accessible something is, the less attractive it seems to us.
We subconsciously believe that rare things are more valuable, and those that are abundant have lower value. This is wrong.
13. The best way to meet someone is not to look for anyone.
Usually we find our other half when we are happy with ourselves and do not need someone else to be happy.
14. The more we admit our shortcomings, the more people think we don't have them.
When we are comfortable with the fact that we are not that good, others consider it a virtue. This is one of the advantages of vulnerability.
15. The more we try to hold on to someone, the more we push them away.
This is a strong argument against jealousy: when feelings or actions turn into obligations, they simply become meaningless. If your partner feels obligated to be with you on weekends, the time spent together becomes devoid of any value.
16. The more we argue, the less chance we have of convincing our interlocutor.
Most are based on emotions. They flare up as participants try to change each other's minds. For a discussion to be objective, both sides must agree to set aside their perceptions and address only the facts (and this is something few people succeed in).
17. The more choices we have, the less satisfied we are with the decision we made.
This is how the well-known paradox of choice manifests itself. When we have many options, our opportunity costs (what we lose by making a particular choice) also increase. Therefore, we are not so happy with the decision we ultimately make.
18. The more convinced we are that we are right, the less we know.
There is a direct relationship between how open a person is to other points of view and how much he knows about a subject. As the English mathematician and philosopher Bertrand Russell said: “Alas, this is how the world works: the dull-headed are firmly confident in themselves, and the smart are full of doubts.”
19. The only thing you can be sure of is that you can’t be sure of anything.
It is very important to accept this, no matter how much you resist.
20. The only thing that remains constant is change.
This is another one of those cliched sayings that seem very profound but actually mean nothing. However, this does not make it less faithful!
We bring models of behavior with a partner from childhood. To put it extremely simply, we can say that as a couple we reproduce the relationship that we have with our parents. Exploring the attitude of children towards parents who beat them, abandoned them alone or humiliated them, American psychologist David P. Selani found that these children - contrary to what he might think common sense- were very attached to these parents. Why?
Origins of addiction
Communicating with the parent, the child gradually “introjects”, that is, absorbs and assimilates his ways of behavior, reactions, responses to different situations. If a parent consoles a child, the child will eventually learn to console himself. And he will stop needing a parent - or, at least, needing him so much.
Actually, this is how, step by step, children gain independence in order to eventually begin their own adult life and build equal relationships with other people.
People deprived of love will cling to anyone, without particularly caring about human qualities their partners
But what if the parent treats the child badly? The child will mistreat himself. Paradoxically, this binds him even more strongly to his parent. Without creating internal resources(due to lack of material), such a child will always be dependent on external ones.
“As adults, these previously loveless people are very likely to cling to anyone, without particularly caring about the humanity of their partners, because the fear of abandonment is too great,” the author writes.
But an adult, it seems, has a choice that a child does not. The child has no other family, so he cannot turn away from his bad parent. Whereas an adult can choose among many other people.
Alas, the possibility of choice for such a person is only an appearance. Because in order to choose, you need a selection criterion, an idea of what you want. But this is the idea of an adult who grew up with insufficient good parents, hopelessly distorted.
Searching for love
The reason for returning to someone who treats us badly is not at all a thirst for suffering, but the result of a peculiar idea of \u200b\u200blove that developed in childhood.
The child knows nothing about how parents “should” treat children. He only knows how his parent treats him. And such an attitude becomes for him the standard of love.
Love received “free of charge” from normal developed personality, is not perceived as such, it seems something alien
“Love for a deprived child seems to be some complex combination of contradictory feelings, and not at all a direct feeling that loving person accepts and appreciates you. On the contrary, love received “free of charge” from a normally developed person is not perceived as such, it seems to be something alien, having nothing in common with what “love” means in his mind, explains David P. Selani.
Even the worst parents occasionally show a sentimental interest in their children. And this “spoon of honey” inside the “barrel of ointment” turns out to be decisive.
It makes one reach out to the parent and at the same time makes the child perceive this mixture of sympathy and anger as “right honey.” Growing up, he does not find other relationships because he is not looking for them, he does not know how to recognize them.
Weak "I"
A child cannot abandon his parents. They are his source of life. Giving up on them is like giving up on life. But how can he bear the thought that anger and coldness await him? What's happening to him?
Firstly, he considers himself guilty and takes responsibility for the behavior of his parents. They are not bad, but “I am bad.” Similarly, women who have experienced violence explain that they themselves provoked the attack. Often the blaming partner helps them “create” a feeling of guilt - this is similar to parents telling their children that they are punishing them for their own good.
A suffering person flatly refuses to see reality and gets angry at anyone who dares to point it out.
Secondly, the child fantasizes and hopes that maybe today dad will come sober and mom will be affectionate. These thoughts are also very pleasant because at this time he perceives himself as “good”, as deserving of a kind attitude.
The child gets used to completing the image of the parent with the help of active imagination- but this work itself is hidden from his awareness; he does it without even knowing what he is doing.
As a result, he does not have a single, holistic idea of himself. He cannot answer the question “who am I?”, “what do I want?”
When he grows up, he needs a partner to fill in the gaps in his “I”. Therefore, such a strong, although harmful for both, connection is formed between him and his partner.
For the same reason, a suffering person flatly refuses to see reality and becomes angry with anyone who dares to point it out.
Therefore, adult children often come again and again to their parents, who refuse them support and affection, even if they live separately from them.
The path to change
Everyone who is faced with the task of separating from a partner needs to learn to be a “mother to oneself” - and a good, kind, comforting “mother.”
In the most successful therapeutic process, it can take three to five years to restore the destroyed self-image.
“A child, not deprived of the care and attention of his parents, is able to collect large collection positive memories that will allow him to explore safely in the future the world. The more inner confidence a child has accumulated, the more willing he will be to differentiate himself from his mother,” writes David Selani.
But where can someone who has been deprived of it get positive experience? This is a really difficult task.
The American psychologist points out that in the most successful therapeutic process “it may take three to five years” to restore the patient’s destroyed self-image and teach her to confront the real offender and the horror of unloving that she experiences at the thought of separation.
He emphasizes that a woman needs to imprint within her consciousness the image of an accepting psychotherapist who does not judge her and tries to help her. In the future, she herself will be able to treat herself in this way.
If your girlfriend is being abused
It hurts us to see people close to us treated poorly. I want to help them. But for help to be effective, it is useful to take into account some features.
What to do?
Support. When a person is treated poorly, his self-esteem (especially unstable) suffers. Remind your friend of the good things you see in her, be it her appearance or her abilities. Be truthful. Talk only about what you really like.
Encourage. Those who are absorbed in their problems have their horizons narrowed. Sports or creative activities, walks and going to the movies - anything that expands the boundaries of daily experience and improves your mood will come in handy. Suggest, invite, keep company, approve if your friend has found entertainment for herself.
Help you find new friends. If you get the opportunity, introduce your friend to different people, young and old, men and women, who would enjoy her company. This way she can see that many people can treat her well - without having to make a special effort.
Recommend contacting a specialist. Unfortunately, own strength is often not enough to change difficult situation. Social worker, a psychologist can become a resource that will help solve the problem. Advise your friend where she could turn.
What not to do?
Don't denounce. It is useless to point out to a friend the shortcomings of her partner. She will suspect you of dishonesty or find another way to hide from knowledge that is unbearable for her. Do not criticize him or assent to him if she does it herself. Just listen calmly and let her know that you sympathize with her.
Don't be offended. Those who live in an atmosphere of violence become insecure and suspicious. Even those who seek to help them often attribute bad motives to victims of violence. If a friend suspects you of self-interest or bad intentions, do not be angry or offended. Try to gently dissuade her or simply tell her what you really think and feel.
Don't give in. Due to the psychological stress that she has to endure, your friend may be offended by your words or attack you as if you were trying to harm her. Don't argue, just respond by saying how you feel about her.
Don't forget your interests. Those who have many problems of their own are not always sensitive enough to others. If you are in this moment are busy, don’t expect your friend to figure it out on her own. And remember that you are not obligated to come to help at any time of the day. If you are not ready to communicate, say so openly and reschedule the conversation or meeting. It might sound something like this: “I understand that you have serious problems, and I want to hear your story. I can't talk right now, so let's move the conversation. Is it convenient for you tomorrow at two o’clock?”
[Chorus]:
I can't fucking give a damn, I'm too real for that
I can't betray you, I'm too real for that
I can't be like you, I'm too real for that
Moving, moving pesos, running, running in the ghetto
[Verse 1, KIZARU]:
We don't care about the law, boy
We're flying high, boy
We don't care about the law, boy
We're flying high, boy
You're just scratching your tongue, boy.
Yeah, my mom didn't raise weaklings, man.
Through the ashes and shadows, the same one
White motherfucker, I came from the streets
I conjure with these briquettes and
Make me disappear, man, yes, I'm crazy
I can't give a damn
I'm too real for this
I can't betray you
I'm too real for this
Who are you, guy? You're a sucker, guy
Fucked your bitch, fuck off
Yes, you heard, fuck you
Let this world go to hell
We still know the whole truth
I like horror, I don't like drama
If you fuck, we'll cause injury
I don't like to wait, I like right away
You're a broke boy, you're a pussy boy
You are nothing, you are zero
You're a total bitch on the battlefield
And I know it then, anyway
With me, fuck, those who kick out
Silence immediately sets in
We can even do this: pow-pow-pow
Prrr, problem solved
[Chorus]:
I can't fucking give a damn, I'm too real for that
I can't betray you, I'm too real for that
I can't be like you, I'm too real for that
Moving, moving pesos, running, running in the ghetto
I can't fucking give a damn, I'm too real for that
I can't betray you, I'm too real for that
I can't be like you, I'm too real for that
Moving, moving pesos, running, running in the ghetto
[Verse 2, KIZARU]:
Well you know, yes, she liked it
I don't know how to behave properly
Everything that was thrown off without a fawn
Fuck them all, fuck their rules
You guessed it right, you all get kicked out 100 out of 10 points
Bitch, microbe, shut your f*ck up
We sold everything, everything is perfect
I used to love hard, but now I'm a savage
She changed me, I'm a savage
Fuck these bitches, yeah, I'm a savage
Mary Jane is with me forever
The subscriber is unavailable, no, no, she won’t get in touch
Took your girl, yeah, that bitch really wants me to do the dirt on her
How so, guy? You thought it was love, everything is still passion
But why, when she sucked my bolt, was it a holiday for her?
Well, fly away, I'm the top, you're angry. Shut your mouth, you're a complete zero
It won't be easy for you if you're not from here
All my guys are chasing cash
We don't give up, we do everything in hope
I flew out of the area, fucked like fresh
What the hell are you looking at? Take off your things
Do everything quietly, come on, bitch, faster
No, we won't talk to you
You guessed it, yes, it's a gang shield
[Chorus]:
I can't fucking give a damn, I'm too real for that
I can't betray you, I'm too real for that
I can't be like you, I'm too real for that
Moving, moving pesos, running, running in the ghetto
I can't fucking give a damn, I'm too real for that
I can't betray you, I'm too real for that
I can't be like you, I'm too real for that
Moving, moving pesos, running, running in the ghetto
About the song KIZARU - Too real for this
- Kizaru presents his third full-length release of 11 tracks entitled "Back to the Future". Quote: "Hello everyone! I know how long you have been waiting for this, my third solo. I spent a lot of time and effort to create this. Thanks to all my people for their support and faith in me. Nothing else will be the same at least at least for me." Oleg further thanked his fan base around the world on English language, translation: "Thank you to all my fans for everything Globe, for your support and belief in me and my music. It would be impossible to achieve this without you! Special thanks to all my producers: Yung Cortex, Reality Beats, Chaz Guapo, Kid Hazel." It is worth noting that this album contains only one feature with a member of Basta's label - Smokey Mo, and Kizaru released the latest album "Lost Tapes" in early February this year.
Additional Information
Text KIZARU songs- Too real for that.Album "Back to the Future".
Release label: Haunted Family.
Author of the text: KIZARU|YVN KXX (Oleg Nechiporenko).
Cover author: Daler Khakimov.
September 20, 2018.
