If one of the family members has died, then the child should be told the truth. As life shows, all options like “Mom/Dad went on a business trip for six months” or “Grandma has moved to another city for now” can have negative consequences.
Firstly, the child simply will not believe it or will decide that you are not telling what you are saying. Because he sees that something is wrong, that something has happened in the house, for some reason people are crying, the mirrors are curtained, you can’t laugh loudly. Children's imagination is rich, and the fears it creates are quite real for the child. The child will decide that either he himself or someone in the family is in danger of something terrible. Real grief is more understandable and easier than all the horrors that a child can imagine.
Secondly, “kind” uncles and aunts, other children or compassionate grandmothers in the yard will tell the child the truth. And it is still unknown in what form. And then the feeling that his relatives lied to him will be added to his grief.
Who's better to talk to?
First condition: close and native child the person who is the dearest and closest of all those left; the one who has lived and will continue to live with the child; someone who knows the child well.
Second condition e: the one who will speak must control himself enough to speak calmly, without breaking into hysterics or uncontrollable tears (those tears that well up in the eyes are not a hindrance); he will have to finish speaking to the end and still be with the child until he realizes the bitter news.
To complete this task, choose a time and place when you will be in a “resource state”, and do not do it while relieving tension with alcohol. You can use mild natural sedatives, such as valerian.
The child will not blame the one who tells him about what happened
Often adults are afraid of being “black messengers.” It seems to them that they will injure the child, cause pain. Another fear is that the reaction that the news will cause will be unpredictable and terrible (screaming, tears that the adult will not know how to cope with). None of this is true. Alas, what happened happened. Fate dealt the blow, not the messenger. The child will not blame the one who tells him about what happened: even small children distinguish between the event and the one who is talking about it.
As a rule, children feel gratitude to the one who brought them out of the unknown and supported them in difficult times. Acute reactions are extremely rare, since the realization that something irreversible has happened, pain and melancholy come later, when the deceased begins to miss everyday life. The first reaction is, as a rule, amazement and attempts to imagine what it would be like to “die” or “died”...
When and how to talk about death
It's better not to delay. But sometimes you have to take a short break, because the person reporting must calm down a little himself in order to control himself during the conversation. Still, speak as quickly after the event as you can. How longer baby he remains in the feeling that something bad and incomprehensible has happened, that he is alone with this unknown danger, so much the worse for him.
Choose a time when the child is not overtired, when he has slept, eaten and does not experience physical discomfort, when the situation is as calm as possible under the given circumstances. Do this in a place where you will not be interrupted or disturbed, where you can talk calmly. Do this in a place that is familiar and safe for the child (for example, at home), so that later he has the opportunity to go and, if necessary, be alone or use familiar and favorite things. A favorite toy or other object can sometimes calm a child better than words.
The longer a child remains in the feeling that something bad and incomprehensible has happened, the worse it is for him
Hug a little child or take it on your lap. You can put your arm around the teenager’s shoulders or take his hand. The main thing is that this contact is not unpleasant for the child, and also that it is not something out of the ordinary. If hugging is not customary in your family, then it is better not to do anything unusual in this situation. It is important that at the same time he sees and listens to you, and not look with one eye at the TV or window. Make eye-to-eye contact.
Keep it short and simple. At the same time main information should be duplicated in your message. “Mom died, she is no more” or “Grandfather was sick, and the doctors could not help. He died." Don’t say “gone”, “fell asleep forever”, “left” - these are all euphemisms, metaphors that are not very clear to a child. After this, take a break. There is no need to say more. Whatever else the child needs to know, he will ask himself.
What can children ask?
Young children may be interested in technical details. Will they bury it or not? Will worms eat it? And then suddenly he asks: “Will he come to my birthday?” Or: “Dead? Where is he now?
Don't be surprised, don't be indignant, Do not consider these to be signs of disrespect, no matter what strange question the child asks. It is difficult for a small child to immediately understand what death is. Therefore, he “gets it in his head” what it is. Sometimes it gets pretty weird. To the question: “He died - how is that? What is he like now?” you can answer accordingly own ideas talk about life after death understandable to a child words, short sentences.
Don't be scared under any circumstances. Do not say what these sins are as punishment, and avoid explaining that it is “like falling asleep and not waking up”: the child may begin to be afraid to sleep or watch other adults so that they do not sleep, otherwise they will not wake up. As a rule, they ask with alarm: “Are you going to die too?” Answer honestly that yes, but not now and not soon, but later, “when you are big, big, when you have many more people in your life who will love you and whom you will love...” Draw the child’s attention to this that he has relatives, friends, that he is not alone, that many people love him besides you. Tell them that with age there will be even more such people. For example, he will have a wife/husband and his own children.
The first days after the loss
After you have said the main thing, just silently stay next to him. Give your child time to absorb what he hears and respond. In the future, act in accordance with the child’s reaction. If the child responded to the message with questions, then answer them directly and sincerely, no matter how strange or inappropriate these questions may seem to you. If your child cries, hug him or hold his hand. If your child runs away, do not go after him right away. See what he is doing after a short time, 20-30 minutes. Whatever he does, try to determine whether he wants you there.
Sometimes people have the right to grieve alone, even very young ones. But this should be checked. If your child sits down to play or draw, slowly join in and play or draw with him. Don’t offer anything, play, act according to his rules, the way he needs. If he cries, try hugging and comforting him. If he pushes you away, say “I’m here” and sit next to him without saying or doing anything. Then slowly start a conversation. Say sympathetic words. Tell us about what will happen in the near future - today and in the coming days. If the child wants to be alone, asks you to leave the room or moves away from you, let him be.
The theme of death may appear in his games (for example, he will bury toys), in drawings
Do not change your usual daily routine on this day or at first. Don't try to do anything exceptional for your child, such as giving him chocolate that is usually forbidden to him, or preparing something that the family usually eats during the holidays. Let the food be ordinary and also something that the child will eat. Neither you nor he have the strength to argue about “tasteless, but healthy” that day.
Before going to bed, sit with him a little longer or, if necessary, until he falls asleep. Allow him to leave the light on if he is afraid. If your child is scared and asks to come to your bed, you can take him with you on the first night, but don’t offer it yourself and try not to make it a habit: it’s better to sit next to him until he falls asleep. Tell him what life will be like next: what will happen tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, in a week, in a month. Fame is calming. Make plans and carry them out.
Participation in wakes and funerals
It is worth taking to funerals and wakes only in in that case, if there is a person next to the child whom the child trusts and who can deal only with him: take him away in time, calm him down if he cries. Someone who can calmly explain to the child what is happening and protect (if necessary) from too persistent condolences. If they start wailing over a child “oh you little orphan” or “how are you now” - this is of no use. In addition, you must be sure that the funeral (or wake) will be held in a moderate atmosphere (someone's hysterics may frighten the child). Finally, you should take your child with you only if he wants to. It is quite possible to ask the child how he would like to say goodbye: to go to the funeral (tell me how it will be), or maybe it would be better for him to go to the grave with you later?
If you think it is better for him not to attend, and you want to send him to another place (for example, to relatives), then tell him where he will go, why, who will stay there with him and when you will pick him up. For example: “Tomorrow you will stay with your grandmother, because a lot of people will come to us here.” different people, they will cry, and this is hard. I’ll come pick you up at 8 o’clock.” Of course, the people with whom the child stays should, if possible, be “friends”: those acquaintances or relatives whom the child often visits and is familiar with their daily routine. Also agree that they treat the child “as always,” that is, do not regret it out loud, do not cry over him.
The deceased family member performed some functions in relation to the child. Maybe he bathed him or picked him up from kindergarten, or maybe he was the one who read the child a fairy tale before bed. Do not try to replace the deceased and return to the child all the lost pleasant activities. But try to preserve what is especially important, something the lack of which will be especially noticeable. Most likely, at these very moments, the longing for the departed will be more acute than usual. Therefore, be tolerant of irritability, crying, anger, the fact that the child is dissatisfied with the way you are doing this, the fact that the child wants to be alone and will avoid you.
The child has the right to grieve
Don't avoid talking about death. As the topic of death is “processed,” the child will come up and ask questions. This is fine. The child tries to understand and accept very complex things using the mental arsenal that he has.
The theme of death may appear in his games (for example, he will bury toys), in drawings. At first, do not be alarmed that these games or drawings will be aggressive in nature: brutally “tearing off” the arms and legs of toys; blood, skulls, dominance dark colors in the drawings. Death took the child away loved one, and he has the right to be angry and “speak” to her in his own language. Do not rush to turn off the TV if the topic of death flashes in a program or cartoon. Do not deliberately remove books in which this topic is present. It might be even better if you have a “starting point” to talk to him again. Do not try to distract from such conversations and questions. The questions won't go away, but the child will go with them is not towards you or he will decide that they are hiding something terrible from him that threatens you or him.
On average, the period of acute grief lasts 6-8 weeks
Do not be alarmed if the child suddenly begins to say something evil or bad about the deceased. Even in the crying of adults, the motive “who did you leave us with” slips through. Therefore, do not prohibit your child from expressing his anger. Let him speak out, and only then tell him, repeat that the deceased did not want to leave him, but it just so happened. That no one is to blame. Nobody wanted this to happen. And that the deceased loved him and, if he could, would never have left him.
On average, the period of acute grief lasts 6-8 weeks. If after this time the child continues to be afraid, if he wets the bed, grinds his teeth in his sleep, sucks or chews his fingers, twists and/or tears his eyebrows or hair, rocks in a chair, runs on tiptoes for a long time, is afraid to be left without you even on short time- all these are signals to contact specialists. If a child has become and remains aggressive, pugnacious, or frequently receives minor injuries, if the child is too obedient, tries to stay close to you, often tells you nice things or fawns over you, these are also reasons for concern.
Key message: life goes on
Everything you say and do should have one core message: “Misfortune happened. It's scary, painful, bad. And yet life goes on and everything will get better.” Re-read this phrase again and say it to yourself, even if the deceased is so dear to you that you refuse to believe in life without him.
If you are reading this, you are a person who is not indifferent to children’s grief. You have someone to support and something to live for. And you also have the right to yours acute grief, you have the right to support, medical and psychological assistance. No one has ever died from grief itself, as such: any grief, even the most terrible, passes sooner or later, this is inherent in us by nature. But it happens that grief seems unbearable and life is given with with great difficulty. Don't forget to take care of yourself too.
About the expert
psychologist, systems family therapist, member of the Society of Family Counselors and Psychotherapists.
The material was prepared based on lectures by psychologist and psychotherapist Varvara Sidorova.
(5 votes: 4.8 out of 5)Death is an integral part of life, and any child sooner or later learns about its existence. This usually happens when the baby sees a dead bird, mouse or other animal for the first time in his life. It also happens that he receives his first knowledge about death under more tragic circumstances, for example, when a family member dies or is killed. It is quite expected that this question, so frightening for adults, will be asked: What happened? Why does grandma (dad, aunt, cat, dog) lie motionless and not talk?
Even very young children are able to distinguish living from non-living and a dream from something more frightening. Usually, out of fear of traumatizing the child’s psyche, parents try to avoid the topic of death and start telling the child that “the cat got sick and was taken to the hospital.” “Dad has left and will return when you are already quite old,” etc. But is it worth giving false hope?
Often behind such explanations there actually lies a desire to spare not the child’s psyche, but one’s own. Small children do not yet understand the meaning of such concepts as “forever”, “forever”, they even consider death reversible process, especially in light of how this is presented in modern cartoons and films, where characters either die or move to another world and turn into funny ghosts. Children's ideas about non-existence are extremely blurred. But for us, adults, who are well aware of the gravity of what happened, it is often very, very difficult to talk about the death of loved ones. AND great tragedy not that the child will have to be told that dad will never return, but that they themselves will experience it again.
How traumatic information about the death of a loved one will be depends on the tone in which you talk about it with your child, with what emotional message. At this age, children are traumatized not so much by words as by the way we say them. Therefore, no matter how bitter the death of a loved one is for us, in order to talk with a child we should gain strength and calmness in order not only to inform him about what happened, but also to talk, discuss this event, and answer the questions that have arisen.
However, psychologists recommend telling children the truth. Parents must understand how much information and what quality their child is able to perceive, and must give him the answers that he will understand. In addition, it is usually difficult for young children to clearly formulate their question, so you need to try to understand what exactly is worrying the baby - he is afraid to be left alone, or he is afraid that mom and dad will also be gone soon, he is afraid of dying himself, or something else. And in such situations, believing parents find themselves in a more advantageous position, because they can tell their child that the soul of their grandmother (dad or other relative) has flown to heaven to God. This information is more benign than purely atheistic: “Grandma died and she is no more.” And most importantly, the topic of death should not be taboo. We get rid of fears by talking about them, so the child also needs to talk about this topic and get answers to questions that are understandable to him.
It is still difficult for small children to understand why their loved one is taken away from home and buried in the ground. In their understanding, even dead people need food, light, communication. Therefore, it is quite possible that you will hear the question: “When will they dig it up and bring it back?” the child may worry that her beloved grandmother is alone underground and will not be able to get out of there on her own, that she will feel bad, dark and scared there. Most likely, he will ask this question more than once, because it is difficult for him to assimilate the new concept of “forever.” We must calmly answer that the dead are not dug up, that they remain in the cemetery forever, that the dead no longer need food and warmth, and do not distinguish between light and night.
When explaining the phenomenon of death, one should not go into theological details about the Last Judgment, about the fact that souls good people go to Heaven, and the souls of the bad ones go to Hell and so on. It is enough for a small child to say that dad has become an angel and is now looking at him from heaven, that angels are invisible, you cannot talk to them or hug them, but you can feel them with your heart. If a child asks a question about why a loved one died, then you should not answer in the style of “everything is God’s will”, “God gave - God took”, “it was God’s will” - the child may begin to consider God an evil being who causes grief and suffering to people and separating him from his loved ones.
The question often arises: should I take children to the cemetery for burial or not? Definitely - small ones are not allowed. The age at which a child will be able to survive the oppressive atmosphere of a burial, when the adult psyche cannot always withstand it, is purely individual. The sight of sobbing people, a dug hole, a coffin being lowered into a grave is not for the child’s psyche. Let the child, if possible, say goodbye to the deceased at home.
Sometimes adults are perplexed as to why a child reacts sluggishly to the death of a loved one, does not cry or mourn. This happens because children are not yet able to experience grief in the same way as adults. They do not fully understand the tragedy of what happened and, if they experience it, it is inside and in a different way. Their experiences can be expressed in the fact that the baby will often talk about the deceased, remember how they communicated, and spent time together. These conversations must be supported, so the child gets rid of anxiety and worries. At the same time, if you notice that after the death of a loved one, the baby has developed the habit of biting his nails, sucking his finger, he began to wet the bed, became more irritable and whiny - this means that his experiences are much deeper than you might think, he is not If you are able to cope with them, you need to contact a psychologist.
Memorial rituals adopted by believers help to cope with grief. Going to the cemetery with your child and putting a bouquet of flowers on the grave will make your grandmother happy. Go to church with him and light a candle on the eve, read a simple prayer. You can take out an album with photographs and tell your child about how good his grandparents were, and remember the pleasant episodes from life associated with them. The thought that, having left the earth, the deceased did not disappear completely, that in this way we can maintain at least such a connection with him, has a calming effect and gives us hope that life continues after death.
ABC of education
Usually at the age of 5-6 years, a child first realizes that death is an inevitable fact of the biography of any person, and therefore of himself.
Life invariably ends in death, we are all finite, and this cannot but worry an already grown-up child. He begins to fear that he himself will die (go into oblivion, become “nobody”), his parents will die, and how will he remain without them?
The fear of death is also closely related to the fear of attack, darkness, night monsters, illness, natural disasters, fire, fire, war. Almost all children go through such fears to one degree or another, this is absolutely normal.
The fear of death, by the way, is more common in girls, which is associated with a more noticeable instinct of self-preservation in them, in comparison with boys. And it is most pronounced in impressionable, emotionally sensitive children.
What we, parents, need to do first of all is to understand our own attitude to the topic of life and death. Determine for yourself what you believe in? What, in your opinion, happens or does not happen to a person after death (it is better to explain to the child the difference between body and soul: the body is buried in the ground or burned, but the soul...). Explain your introduction, be calm, concise and sincere.
Don't be fooled.
Keep it simple in clear language(say “people are dying” instead of “we are falling asleep eternal sleep" / "we depart to another world").
Reply only to questions asked. If you don’t know what to answer, just say: “I don’t have an answer yet, but I’ll think about it.”
Do not compare death with sleep (many children then begin to fear that they may die in their sleep). Like a dried flower that will never bloom or smell sweet again, a dead person does not breathe, does not move, does not think and does not feel anything. When we sleep, we continue to live and feel, and our body continues to function.
“Mom (Dad), are you going to die? And will I die too?
Here it is better to emphasize that people die in old age, and before it comes, many, many different, interesting and important events: “you will grow up, you will learn (then you can list the numerous skills that the child will master - skating and roller skating, baking delicious cookies, writing poetry, organizing parties), you will graduate from school, go to college, you will have your own family, children, friends, your own business, your children will also grow up and learn, will work... People die when their life ends. And your life is just beginning.”
You can say about yourself: “I’m going to live for a long, long time, tomorrow I want to do this and that, in a month I want to do this and that, and in a year I plan..., and in 10 years I dream...”
If a child already knows that people die at a young age, too, one must admit that this really happens, there are exceptions to any phenomenon, but most people still live to see deep wrinkles.
The fear of death can be reflected in nightmares, once again emphasizing the underlying instinct of self-preservation. Here you need to remember that fears really don’t like being talked about, spoken out loud again and again, so you should not tremble with fear under the covers, but share what frightens you with your parents.
Fears also really don’t like to be drawn. You can tell your child: “Draw what you are afraid of.” Then discuss the drawing and ask them to think about what the child wants to do with it (tear it into small pieces, crumple it up as hard as they can and throw it in the trash, or somehow change it and make it funny and ridiculous, because fears are terrified of a child’s laughter). Also a little later baby can draw himself - how he is not afraid and conquers his fears (this is very therapeutic).
In the process of drawing, fears can come to life again and become sharper. It is believed that there is no need to be afraid of this, since the revival of fears is one of the conditions for their complete elimination. (Important: for ethical reasons, you cannot ask a child to depict the fear of his parents’ death in a drawing.)
Fears are worked out perfectly during sand therapy sessions.
And yes, the best strategy for parents when children’s fears arise is not to dramatize, not to create a stir, to reassure (“I’m near, I’m with you, you’re under my protection”), caress, kiss, hug, be emotionally responsive, give support, love , recognition, and ourselves - to be stable, calm and confident, to work through our own fears, and not to broadcast them to children.
What if someone close to you died? (instructions according to V. Sidorova)
Death cannot be hidden.
The closest adult, the one whom the child knows well and whom he trusts, should inform the child.
You need to start a conversation at a time when the child is full, not tired, and not excited. Not in the nursery!
During a conversation, you need to control yourself, you can cry, but you cannot burst into tears and plunge into own feelings. The focus is on the child.
Skin-to-skin and eye-to-eye contact is desirable.
You need to say clearly and briefly: “We have experienced grief. Grandma died (pause).” A pause is needed so that the child has the opportunity to comprehend what he has heard and ask questions that he will probably have. Answer the questions as sincerely as possible and only what you really think, in simple, accessible words.
The child’s reaction can be different, sometimes very unexpected, accept it as it is. If you cry, hug him, rock him in your arms, comfort him quietly and affectionately. If you run away, don’t run after him. Visit him in 15-20 minutes and see what he is doing. If nothing, sit silently next to her. Then you can tell what will happen tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. If he does, join the game and play by his rules. If he wants to be alone, leave him alone. If he gets angry, increase this activity. When you're exhausted, sit next to him and talk about the future. Don't be afraid of a child's tantrum, most likely there won't be one.
Cook him his favorite food for dinner (but no big feasts). Spend more time with your child. When putting him to bed, ask if he wants to leave the light on? Or maybe you should sit with him, read, tell him a story?
If on this or the next night the child has terrible dreams, wakes up and comes running, then on the first night, if he asks, you can allow him to stay in your bed (but only if he asks, do not offer). Otherwise, you should send him back to his bed and sit next to him until he falls asleep.
Do not avoid talking with your child about death or his experiences, do not limit the choice of books or cartoons that, in your opinion, may contain scenes that remind him of grief.
It is important to make as few changes as possible to it familiar image life. The child should have the same people, toys, and books around him. Tell him every night about your plans for tomorrow, make schedules, outline and - what is very important! - carry out activities. Do everything to give your child the feeling that the world is stable and predictable, even if there is no loved one in it. Have lunch, dinner and go for walks at the same time as the child was used to doing this before the loss.
Whims, irritation, aggression, apathy, tearfulness, agitation or unusual isolation, games on the theme of life and death, aggressive games for 2 months are the norm. If the nature of games, drawings, interactions with objects and other children does not return within 8 weeks to the norm that was before the loss, if after this time the child continues to be tormented by nightmares, he wets the bed, began to suck his finger, began to rock while sitting on a chair or standing, twirling his hair or running on tiptoes for a long time - he needs to see a psychologist.
Should my child attend the funeral?
This issue is resolved individually. You can ask the child himself (you need to ask 2 times) if he wants to go to the cemetery. If not, stay at home. If so, then during the funeral there should be a close acquaintance of an adult next to the child who will remain with him. physical contact and answer all questions, i.e. will devote himself only to him.
If your pet dies
The whole family can bury him and put flowers on the grave. A funeral is a farewell ritual that helps us build the boundary between life and death. Tell your child not to be ashamed of his feelings, that mourning and grieving for a deceased loved one, be it a person or a pet, is absolutely normal and natural, and it takes time to survive the loss, when acute melancholy is replaced by light sadness and reconciliation with life occurs, in which the beloved being is no longer there, but there is his image in the memory and hearts of those to whom he was dear.
Literature (for children):
1. W. Stark, S. Virsen “A Star Called Ajax” (this art book about how to survive the loss of a close friend, about how joy is reflected in sadness)
2. K.F. Okeson, E. Erickson “How Grandfather Became a Ghost” (it turns out that people become ghosts if they haven’t done something in their lives. According to the plot of the book, the grandfather comes to his grandson every night, and together they try to remember what the grandfather forgot)
3. A. Fried, J. Gleich “Is grandpa in a suit?” (about how main character, a boy of about 5 years old, experiencing the death of his grandfather and solving for himself the problem of the finitude of life)
4. U. Nilsson, E. Erickson “The Kindest in the World” (a story about how children play funeral ritual - one summer day they decided to conduct last path all the dead animals that we could find)
5. P. Stalfelt “The Book of Death” (a small picture book, not suitable for all children and not all parents!)
6. Tales of G.-H. Andersen's "Chamomile", "The Little Match Girl" and others (very sad stories, which help to respond to feelings that arise in connection with the topic of death - look at them first for yourself and decide whether you need to give them to your child)
You can make your own list of fairy tales, myths, legends, life stories (or come up with them yourself), where the theme of death would be present, how heroes cope with the loss of loved ones, what happens to the soul after death.
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Question: How can you tell your child about the death of a loved one? My mother died; she is my four-year-old son’s grandmother. She was very close to her son. He was often taken to stay with his grandparents. Lately She was very sick, he saw it.
Now we tell him that his grandmother has gone far away for treatment, but we won’t be able to hide the truth for long. And is it necessary to hide it? He is now with other grandparents, but he constantly asks about Lena. Lena is my mother.
Thanks in advance for your answer. Maria Yasnova
Anastasia Komarova, child psychologist, answers:
Hello Maria. How to tell your child about the death of a loved one?
Despite the fact that there is a lot of pain and tears behind this event, the child needs to be told the truth. Yes, it is very difficult, first of all, because it hurts you and it is difficult for you to accept this loss. But the children feel everything, your son also feels that something has happened, you are sad for some reason, even the other grandparents are also (I assume) tense.
In such a situation, the child’s anxiety increases, which may be the cause of fears. Therefore, it is better for him to tell the truth. At the same time, do not hide your feelings from your child: if you are in pain, tell him that you are in pain, if you want to cry, cry. And he will cry with you. This way you will experience this grief together. Don't be afraid of his reaction and your feelings. Children, unlike adults, cope more easily with the death of loved ones.
Perhaps he will have questions about death: what is it, and will grandpa, mom, dad, me die? To make it easier for you to talk about this topic with your son, read this fairy tale together:
A TALE ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT SECRET
Far, far away, high, high there is a wonderful country. Beautiful creatures live there. True, they may seem unusual to us: they look more like clouds than people. These beings are called souls.
Souls live very interesting lives: they try to do as many good deeds as possible. But they especially like to watch people and participate in their lives. So, for example, if a soul sees that a child is upset, crying or capricious, it will fly closer to him and begin to whisper kind words into his ear. But the baby doesn’t see the soul and thinks that Bad mood and troubles go away on their own. But souls are not offended by people because they do not notice their presence. For them, the most important thing is to bring goodness into the hearts of people.
There are people who feel the presence of souls nearby. These people call souls guardian angels. People even draw guardian angels and turn to them for help. Of course, souls help those who ask them. And this help is felt by people as peace in the heart or as a feeling of calm joy.
One might think that people should not help souls. But that's not true. People can do a lot for souls.
The fact is that souls really want to do something in the world in which people live. Maybe they want to build beautiful houses, paint wonderful pictures, grow flowers and fruits, help the earth be clean and beautiful. But souls are like clouds, they don’t have legs to walk on the ground, they don’t have hands to draw, write and build, hold the steering wheel of a car and plant flowers. Imagine how difficult it is: to carry wonderful desires within yourself and not be able to make them come true!
It turns out that this is how people can help souls: people can help souls fulfill their desire to make life on earth beautiful. After all, people have hands to build and draw, they have voice and speech to consult with each other, they have legs to walk and observe those who need help.
I wonder if every person can help souls realize their cherished desires? Maybe you need to have special qualities for this? If this is so, what qualities do you think a person should have who can help souls?
(Here you are supposed to listen to the child’s opinion and discuss these issues with him. Afterwards, you can ask: “Who of your loved ones or people you know has these qualities? Do you yourself have them? Do you think it’s possible to develop these qualities in yourself? What Do you need to do something for this? Are you ready to do something for this yourself? Who could help you with this?
Now it's time to reveal an important secret. It turns out that souls can become people! When small child grows in the mother's belly, just about to be born, the soul makes an important decision for itself. She decides to leave her wonderful country in order to start living next to a person on earth. And when little man is born, and his soul is born along with him. The soul that chose this little man and left her wonderful country for him.
A person grows, and the soul grows with him. Thanks to her, even quite little man does good deeds.
What do you think a person does thanks to the soul?
Of course, first of all, the soul helps a person to be sensitive. Do you know what this means?
Thanks to sensitivity, a person subtly senses the mood of other people, especially those who love him. He feels when a loved one is sad or happy, sad or tired. And then the soul helps him find good word to comfort, encourage or share joy.
Do you think this is important?
Yes, you're right - this is very important. Because thanks to sensitivity, a person, even the smallest one, can show his love to loved ones. And love, as you know, is something without which not a single creature in the world can live.
However, you may ask: if all people have a soul, and the soul helps them to be sensitive and loving, then why do some people quarrel, fight, and destroy what others build?
There are questions that are difficult to answer even for adults. And this question is one of them. Maybe people quarrel, get angry because they don’t know that they have a soul and can live differently? Or maybe some people don’t need to know that they have a soul at all? Or maybe there are people who have no soul? How do you think?
Many people think about these questions throughout their lives. True, they rarely talk about it out loud.
And now the most main secret. It turns out that the soul can live with a person only for a while. Each soul has its own life span with a person. For example, you know that you can watch cartoons from five to six o'clock. They talk about this - there is a time limit to watch cartoons. That is, a period has a beginning and an end. Thus, with the birth of a person, the life span of the soul and the person together begins. When the soul feels that its life with a person on earth is coming to an end, it must leave the person and return back to its wonderful country. At the moment when the soul says goodbye to a person and flies away to its country, the person can no longer live alone, without a soul. And about such a person people say: “He is dying” or “He is dead.”
At this moment, tears appear in the eyes of the people closest to this person. After all, when someone loved and close goes far away, for example to another city, many also cry. Parting and separation from those we love touches our soul. When a loved one is not around, it is difficult for us to help and support him; make sure he has good mood and well-being.
And when a person dies, people who love him understand that his soul has flown far away. But how can you take care of someone who is not around? It turns out that it is possible.
Imagine that you are traveling by train to another city. You have to travel for many hours and days, because you want to get to a city far, far away. If the seat is hard, the trip will cause a lot of trouble. Therefore, when people go on a trip, they check whether the carriage is soft, whether they have enough food and much more.
So the soul, when its life span with a person ends, must go on a long journey to its country. And in order for her to feel good on the road, she needs the help of people who loved the person with whom her soul lived.
What help can we provide to the soul of a person close to us? First of all, we need to often remember the time when our loved one did something good and kind. For example, he painted, helped others, looked after animals, planted flowers, and wrote poetry. In a word, everything that brought joy to him and those who were next to him.
You may ask why this is necessary. It turns out that these memories and conversations about it with other people give the soul the strength necessary to long journey. How more power those who remain on earth will give the soul, the faster it will reach its wonderful country.
Now you know how to help the soul in its difficult journey. Can you talk about how you will help the soul?
Is it probably important for you to find out what happens to a person when his soul goes on a journey?
People close to a person ask the earth to accept his body. It turns out that this also gives the soul strength to travel to its wonderful country. Just as a tree gives its leaves to the earth in the fall in order to become stronger in the spring, so the soul gives the human body to the earth in order to become stronger. And the soul needs strength, as you already know, in order to help people accomplish good deeds.
Thus the soul returns to its country. And other souls, of course, are very happy when they meet her. Indeed, for other souls, the life of the soul on earth together with man seemed like a long, sad separation. Therefore, when the soul reaches its wonderful country, a great welcoming celebration is held there, and all souls rejoice. After all, this is how we rejoice when a person whom we love and have not seen for a long time arrives. We are even more happy when he brings gifts. Is it true?
The human soul also brings gifts to other souls. The most expensive gifts for souls are stories about good deeds person. Isn't it strange? Instead of rejoicing at bright cars or toys, souls rejoice at stories of good deeds!
And here we can again help the soul of a person close to us. Good memories, the care for others that we will show on earth will help the soul tell other souls many interesting and pleasant things.
So, today life has revealed to you another of its secrets: the secret of friendship between the soul and man. Few people, even adults, know about this secret. But you were the one who recognized him.
What will you do now that you know this secret?
There is no need to be afraid to talk with your child about “adult” topics.
If life has already put him in front of an acute situation, then it would be strange to bypass current issues side. Such reflection is a great spiritual work, but, believe me, it harmonizes even the state of an adult.
The tale is quite long, so it is better to read it in parts. Think together with your child and share your feelings with him as you read. You can then draw on fairy tale themes. For example, how he imagines a country where souls live. Together remember your grandmother, what she loved, what she was like.
Of course, grief will take time to pass. Time heals everything.
If you have any difficulties, write, I will try to help. Good luck!
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