Our ancestors said: “Don’t wash dirty linen in public when the sun has set.” Here lies the meaning - all things need to be done during the day, and at night only bad deeds are committed. The Slavs believed that during the day, while the sun is shining, the gods see, but at night they are not manifested and do not see in our world. This means you don’t need to do anything at night. That's why thieves go around at night. But, the idea is immediately given that the Slavs considered rubbish to be something like the creature Navi and therefore threw it away from home without looking, and one should not even look at the east and the sun during such a thing.
Witches used rubbish for sabotage:
In the spring, when cleaning, you need to throw the rubbish collected from the house on the floor of the person you want to harm and say: “All the bugs, yes fleas to you!” and run from this place without looking back.
You cannot burn rubbish from the house - dark fires will spoil it. That's it
If a girl sweeps the floor poorly, the groom will be crooked” (broken, ugly). If you wanted to isolate yourself from bad person, then they threw a coal from the stove or household rubbish after him. If a family moved to a new place, they swept everything out of the house and took a handful of garbage with them. It was believed that litter connects our world with the world of our ancestors, and thus the connection with them will not be interrupted. In the new house, garbage was thrown into a corner that was visible as you walked through the door. If household members, relatives or dear guests have gone on a long journey, then you cannot clean up for three days - they may not return. The same thing happens when a man joins the army or goes to war.
You can’t track down a person who left the house, and you can’t even sweep rubbish into the street. And of course, you can’t clean the house when you’re sick: “don’t sweep when you’re sick, otherwise you can sweep it away with the trash.”
From the point of view of preserving the unified space of the house and its security in interaction with the outside world, rubbish cannot be swept out, it tears apart protective barrier, the same applies to conversations about households and home.
True deep meaning The saying: “don’t wash your dirty linen in public” means: keep your domestic relationships a secret, otherwise you will break the protective barrier of your home and invite disaster!
IN in this case the word rubbish is used in the meaning of squabbling, swearing, quarrel, that is, everything is waste, don’t bring gossip to show. In fact, swearing in the house gives rise to waste energy and there is no other name for it than rubbish.
Considering that the Russian language is a language of images and reflects the true content of things, their role, we can understand true meaning sayings.
Therefore, you should not tell strangers about your quarrels; you will cause laughter and attract other people’s energy into the house, which can lead to illness and failure.
We women have one very feminine quality:)
Of course, on the one hand, this is a completely normal desire to discuss with someone your concerns about the increasing frequency of Lately husband's delays at work, spend detailed analysis his recent action or statement, and of course, to grieve over his fate with a like-minded person. Yes, from the outside it all may look harmless, but is it really so?!
Actually, there is one person with whom you can discuss any quarrel with your husband - and this is your mother-in-law. She is the only one who can adequately respond to your complaints against her son and, perhaps, will even help you resolve the conflict and establish peace in the family of her beloved child.
Why? Yes, because she is an interested person, i.e. she wants happiness for her son and his family and she can influence him with good intentions. Yes, it happens that the mother-in-law is jealous of her son and may even take advantage of the opportunity, having learned about your disagreements in the family, to do harm, but that’s another story. So, if your husband's mother is quite an adequate person, then sometimes, in some cases, you can complain to her and this can bring good results.
Now I would like to figure out why you shouldn’t discuss any difficulties in the family with someone other than your mother-in-law. Everything is very simple. Once upon a time, even my mother told me: “Daughter, you don’t need to tell your friends about quarrels with your husband. You will make peace later and you will be ashamed that you somehow spoke badly about him.” I remembered her words well when I was still a girl.
But this is an example at a rough level. There are also equally important subtle reasons. The point is that a woman has enormous psychic power, with the help of which she influences a man, i.e. whatever she thinks her husband is, that’s how he will be. This is true and there is no escape from it, whether we believe it or not. It's amazing, but if a woman attributes certain things to her husband negative qualities, then he will certainly have them and, accordingly, if she believes in him and looks for him positive features character or even behave as if he already has those qualities that he lacks, then very soon he will become exactly the way she sees him. A woman can either trample her husband and ruin his life or elevate him in ways he never dreamed of.
I recently read one wonderful story on this matter: "One evening, President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to go to an unplanned dinner at a restaurant that was not very luxurious. Once they were seated, the restaurant owner asked Obama's security guard if he could address the First Lady privately Michelle and the man then had a conversation. After this conversation, President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She replied that in her teenage years, he was madly in love with her. President Obama said, “So if you married him, you could be the owner of this wonderful restaurant now?” and Michelle replied, “No. If I had married him, he would have become president."
The moral of the story (and what I want to get at) is that a lot depends on the woman. It depends on us who is next to us now - a smart, generous and successful man or a donkey whom we tied to the sofa in the living room; it is we who reveal our behavior limitless potential loved one, it is our words and actions that can create or destroy family hearth, which we so wanted and dreamed about so much.
Advice not to tell others about problems in your personal life is often formulated in the form of a saying: “Don’t wash your dirty laundry in public!”
The saying sounds suspicious. Should I save it? What to do with it if you can’t take it out of the hut? Or should there be no litter at all in the hut? But is this possible?
In fact, the correct version sounded different: “Don’t wash your dirty laundry in public when the sun has set.” The meaning of this saying is approximately the same as “The morning is wiser than the evening.” The point is not only that the Slavs believed in witches who went on rampages at night and used their neighbors’ trash to cause damage. The fact is that at night a person is too tired and weak, and there is not enough light to leave the hut safely.
This rule is still relevant today.
There is no need to try to restore order in your life when you are tired, there is chaos and darkness in your mind. I need to get some sleep, bring nervous system to a normal state, achieve clarity of mind, and then accept important decisions: what is trash and what is not, what to get rid of, what not to get rid of.
There is another saying, closer to the meaning in which “don’t wash your dirty laundry” is used today: “Don’t wash your dirty laundry in public.”
According to the rules of the settlements of our ancestors, rubbish should have been swept from the corners to the center of the hut, collected and carried away from the settlement. In this way, two goals were achieved at once: the area around the huts remained clean and the garbage did not disturb the neighbors, and hostile neighbors could not determine from the waste what kind of life and what kind of difficulties were in someone else’s hut and how these difficulties could be increased.
Thus, the rule of keeping intimate communication secret performs two tasks at once. You protect other people's ears from negativity and protect yourself and your partner. We will consider both problems based on.
Other people's ears
Many are sure that there is definitely nothing to protect other people’s ears; everyone, of course, is very interested when they are told intimate details, especially those that discredit one of the participants. This is not always the narrator’s partner, often it is the narrator himself; attacks of masochism and the need for self-incrimination arise in people in an unbalanced state not so rarely. People willingly engage in self-destruction and even make themselves laugh, hoping in this way to get out of an acute situation. internal conflict. Seeking “repentance” and even punishment for the sake of relief is a well-known human habit. She often dresses up in the clothes of “humility”, in the need to “shed her arrogance” and even “take off her crown”.
People are ready to portray themselves and their partner in a negative light if they are trying to cut the Gordian knot of a conflict that could not be untangled. Some people get so used to humiliating and humiliating their partners that don’t feed them bread, let them describe in detail what wimps they are, how they wiped their feet on them again today and what a pig their partner is. Or they are a pig, and he is a wimp, it doesn’t matter. They think that this helps them to reflect on everything that is happening, to get feedback and see the exit. At the very least, let off some steam.
Other people's ears are perceived by many storytellers at this moment as beneficiaries. Shrines are opened to them, shrines are opened to them, they are given the right to judge. Incredible honor!
In fact, for other people's ears (eyes) during such acts of exhibitionism and auto-aggression there is a lot negative consequences. It’s better for you and other people’s ears to remember this when you sweep your dirty laundry in public.
After an act of self-deprecation and humiliation of a partner, a person, as a rule, comes to his senses; he does not remain in a fit of masochism and self-destruction. Even if he has a long-term habit of exposing himself and complaining and he no longer worries about the fact that this happens to him regularly, he is still not in a state of rags all the time. His witnesses poor condition V in good condition seem almost like invaders to him. They took advantage of his weakness and penetrated his inner world seeing him with negative side. They literally “stuck their nose” into his trash and rummaged through it with curiosity.
Do not be surprised if among those who discuss their intimate details with you, you find many secret ill-wishers. They are angry at themselves for chatting, they are angry at you for being the “beneficiary” (although there is usually zero benefit, but if the person thinks that he has also burdened you, he will get even more angry). People don't like people who have seen them in a negative way. People love those in front of whom they can look noble and beautiful. Well, people completely hate those who stand on top when secret corners are revealed (advises, criticizes, encourages), even if they are not aware of this hatred. Psychotherapists know this well and make sure to keep their distance and not get close to those with whom they work. Friendship between a psychologist and a patient is impossible (unless after long time after work). And many of our friends try to become psychologists for themselves and do not understand that they are destroying their friendship by pouring out their slag.
Protecting yourself and your partner
The fact that by revealing the secret corners of your personal life to others, and even in the negative light of resentment and jealousy, you are exposing yourself is probably understandable. The information can be used against you and your partner. If your partner found out about this, he would be offended or even furious, but many, especially women, justify it this way:
He should be glad that I’m letting off steam, because he gets less negativity.
He should be glad that I value our relationship and am actively looking for a way out.
In these justifications, the crown is visible to the naked eye. The chatterbox assumes that the other one is trying his best to maintain the relationship and is ready to take any measures just to soften quarrels and delay the breakup. In fact, most partners of chatterboxes are ready to quarrel and even break up, just so as not to become the object of discussion of strangers at the suggestion of a loved one.
Another typical female argument (some men are guilty of this too).
I myself wouldn’t mind if he discussed me with his friends.
The speaker does not imagine that they will say negative things about him (he himself does not see anything bad in himself), he himself does not think that he is telling exactly negative things, it seems to him that “only facts.”
People often believe that just a statement that they love and want to be together is enough to neutralize any negative information about your partner. He is rude, lazy, dull in sex, earns little, finds fault with little things, behaves like a pig in everyday life, likes to brag, whine, gets drunk in the trash, BUT she still loves him. So he is certainly on top, no one humiliates him with stories, because the highest throne in the world is her love. She loves him, which means he is a priori above everyone. But only her crown thinks so.
Many (most often women) argue this way when a partner finds out that his problems at work or his behavior in bed were discussed with his girlfriends. “They know that I love you very much!” You might think that your love would prevent you from laughing at your partner or thinking about what a fool he is. You might think that you are an authority among those around you, and your love is a prize. Yes, you are capable of falling in love with the very last pig, your friends have long understood this if this is not the first time you describe the shortcomings of your partners. They hardly respect you and your love does not make your partner more beautiful in their eyes.
But most importantly, your partner doesn't care that you "love" them if you disrespect them. Respect is a much more valuable thing than your “love”. Thanks to "love" (fusion), you consider it your own personal thing that you can discuss. "I'm discussing MY personal life“- such chatterboxes exclaim indignantly. Yes, but you and your partner have a common personal life, it’s like a shared apartment, you cannot go and sell or rent, you must either separate or agree.
The most powerful argument is
But one woman was silent and did not tell anyone that her husband was beating her, and then he killed her...
ABOUT physical violence over you or the children - the best thing to do is to run away and tell the police. You can contact a lawyer for advice. You can talk to a psychologist, especially a specialist in working with victims of violence. Can to a loved one who is able to help you financially and morally. To help is not to talk, to help is to help do something urgently, without delay.
Gathering a circle of friends and discussing in such a situation can be not only pointless, but also harmful. You can talk it out and calm down, they can tell you similar stories and you will decide that everything is not so bad. They may start telling you “leave him and run,” but most likely this will be said by those who are lonely and you may perceive this as anti-advice, they say, run and you will be like me.
That is, discussions of the situation rarely contribute to action. Most often, the entire reserve of resentment and anger is exhausted during the discussion. Very soon the accuser himself becomes the accused's lawyer, pay attention. You can be sure that when it is important for a psychologist to relieve stress from a person, dangerous activity, or even shock (when working with released hostages, for example), he tries to get him to talk: to talk means to calm him down and relax him. By discussing everything in detail, you get rid of the energy of action and come into balance. Everyone has spoken out, splashed out the slag, and you can go to bed. The situation remains the same. “Thank you, darlings,” you say. “I feel better!” But if the task is relief, what does the reflection that you imagine have to do with it? Then chats are a replacement for alcohol, but do not consider such a replacement safe. It can be destructive if you sweep away the rubbish.
This does not mean that you cannot discuss your personal life with anyone or anything. You can, following the rules:
1. Imagine that your partner hears what you are saying about him. If you don't have feelings of fear and shame, then you most likely are not stepping into common territory. A state of passion when you “don’t care, let him find out!” is not considered, it is important to evaluate this in a calm state. It is important not to step into common territory in order to feel within your own boundaries. Only by being and feeling right can you control. Otherwise, your dependence grows, even if it seems to you that you are rebelling, pouring slop on your partner. Slaves always rebel when the master doesn't listen. After such cowardly riots it starts vicious circle: feeling of guilt, going down, accumulation of new discontent, rebellion in the form of sweeping up new rubbish.
2. Reflect first, then tell. That is, do not pour out unreflected flow. When you invite guests into your home, you prepare food and place clean cups on the table. You don't dump dirty dishes and a bowl of dough on the table and invite guests to participate. By doing this, you show respect for the people who came to you and want to have a good time without delving into your dirty laundry (unique, of course). Tell us a situation (taking into account point 1!) about which you already have a reflection and even an approximate conclusion. Let your friends tell you their opinion about it, compare your conclusion with theirs, this will bring you closer, keep you busy, and help you stretch your brains. Usually reflected situations sound artistic and instructive, interesting and witty. This is really interesting to listen to and discuss. But if, without understanding what, how, where, what, you unleash a stream of emotions on those around you (and this happens more than once a year due to acute shock, but often happens to you), you are like the hostess of a house who invites guests, but comes out to them in a nightcap, with a chamber pot, saying that it’s all because of trust. Can you trust a little less?
And the last point regarding ecology, that is protecting your future.
If you love to gossip about your partner, you are gradually creating a vacuum around yourself. It is unlikely that anyone will trust you, knowing that you cannot hold your tongue when you are emotional. This even applies to friends, and even more so to possible candidates. Most likely, they will not come close to you, knowing that you discussed your ex (ex) in a narrow or wide chat from the most intimate aspects. You may wonder why everyone you know prefers the friend zone and no one even wants to just sleep with you, much less have a relationship. Yes, because no one wants to become another object for your dissection under lock and key. Although you probably think that this is an honor.
Well, you make your person weaker with such trash removal. Your own figure in your own field. But I’ll tell you more about this later, although this is perhaps the most important thing. Some people probably understand roughly what we are talking about. When you complain about low self-esteem, and you yourself are constantly exposed in public, it is unclear where normal self-esteem will come from if you always stand in the pose of a pathetic, humiliated poor thing and grow this image in your own and other people’s eyes, concreting it with repetitions.
Are the problems described in this post familiar? Confused between reflection and letting off steam? Do you notice that the buzz often goes away (there is no strength left for changes after conversations) or does it seem that, on the contrary, “it helped, it helped” to rely on others? Do you protect other people's ears or does it always seem like everyone is squeaking out of curiosity? In general, do you have your own observations of what was described or, basically, blind spots and why, do you think?
Our ancestors said: “Don’t wash dirty linen in public when the sun has set.” Here lies the meaning - all things need to be done during the day, and at night only bad deeds are committed. The Slavs believed that during the day, while the sun is shining, the gods see, but at night they are not manifested and do not see in our world. This means you don’t need to do anything at night. That's why thieves go around at night. But, the idea is immediately given that the Slavs considered rubbish to be something like the creature Navi and therefore threw it away from home without looking, and one should not even look at the east and the sun during such a thing.
Witches used rubbish for sabotage:
In the spring, when cleaning, you need to throw the rubbish collected from the house on the floor of the person you want to harm and say: “All the bugs, yes fleas to you!” and run from this place without looking back.
You cannot burn rubbish from the house - dark fires will spoil it. So there is a belief in the village of Polesie: “throwing rubbish into the fire will make you blind by spring” or also “throwing rubbish into the fire will cover the sheep with scabs”...
If a girl doesn’t sweep the floor well, the groom will be crooked” (broken, ugly). If you wanted to isolate yourself from a bad person, then they threw a coal from the stove or household rubbish after him. If a family moved to a new place, they swept everything out of the house and took a handful of garbage with them. It was believed that litter connects our world with the world of our ancestors, and thus the connection with them will not be interrupted. In the new house, garbage was thrown into a corner that was visible as you walked through the door. If household members, relatives or dear guests have gone on a long journey, then you cannot clean up for three days - they may not return. The same thing happens when a man joins the army or goes to war.
You can’t track down a person who left the house, and you can’t even sweep rubbish into the street. And of course, you can’t clean the house when you’re sick: “don’t sweep when you’re sick, otherwise you can sweep it away with the trash.”
From the point of view of preserving the unified space of the house and its security in interaction with the outside world, rubbish cannot be swept out, this breaks the protective barrier, the same applies to conversations about households and home. The true, deep meaning of the saying: “don’t wash your dirty laundry in public” means: keep your domestic relationships a secret, otherwise you will break the protective barrier of your home and invite disaster! In this case, the word rubbish is used in the meaning of squabbles, swearing, quarrel, that is, everything is waste, don’t show off gossip. In fact, swearing in the house gives rise to waste energy and there is no other name for it than rubbish.
Considering that the Russian language is a language of images and reflects the true content of things, their role, then one can understand the true meaning of the saying. Therefore, you should not tell strangers about your quarrels; you will cause laughter and attract other people’s energy into the house, which can lead to illness and failure.
