Most often, women, who are often raised accordingly, tend to feel excessively sorry for others, although this shortcoming is also inherent in men. “Have pity on grandma, she’s tired and can’t play with you,” “Mom never sat down at work, don’t you feel sorry for her?” - similar phrases form the impression that feeling sorry for loved ones is good and right. However, if you wish, you can find reasons for pity every day. Therefore, it is important to be able to stop in time.
What harm does pity do?
Although you have the best intentions, pity can harm your loved ones. She does not encourage you to work on yourself and change anything in your life. A person who is pitied may suffer for years unloved job and worry that you are not able to do anything around the house. If he regularly receives support, they will treat him like a patient, trying only to please him, and relieve him of all everyday troubles so as not to aggravate the situation, it is unlikely that anything will change. This will make things worse for both the one being pitied and the object of pity.
Is it worth regretting?
You feel sorry for a friend who is suffering with a capricious wife, for a mother who, when she reached retirement age, left her career and moved to the country, for a school friend who has no children. However, there is a chance that these people, upon learning about your reaction, will be surprised and even offended. Talk to them and the pity may disappear after their honest answers. A friend may well be happy, indulging his wife’s whims and at the same time feeling like a strong male breadwinner. Mom finds growing roses a much more relaxing activity than writing reports. The friend is happy in her solitude and devotes all her time to self-realization. These people don’t need your pity, since they themselves are satisfied with everything.
More than pity
Think about whether your loved ones are worthy only of pity, or perhaps they are capable of arousing other emotions in you? Remember their successes for lately, note the personal qualities they possess. They probably deserve love, pride, admiration. Periodically remind yourself that these are independent and strong people, and then the desire to hold them to your chest and cry together over their fate will visit you less and less.
Help instead of pity
Instead of feeling sorry for your loved one, try to help him. If the person expresses their problem, sit down and come up with a solution together. My husband is not satisfied with his job - open a website with vacancies, put together a resume and send it to a potential employer. My son got into a fight with his peers - wash his abrasions and enroll him in a karate class. A friend complains about a lack of money - invite her to work part-time in your office.
Emily Brontë
We are all very familiar with such a feeling as pity, which, on the one hand, seems to be a very good and in some cases even necessary quality for a person, and at the same time it often betrays us, forcing us to feel sorry for people who absolutely do not deserve any pity . Or are there even more worst situations when a person feels sorry for himself and thus indulges his weakness, looks for an excuse for his failures and shifts responsibility for them to other people. Such a pity, without a doubt, suits the man to the detriment And here the question arises - how, in fact, to distinguish useful pity from harmful, and how to suppress this harmful pity in yourself? So, let's answer this and some others in this article, also very important issues, associated with the feeling of pity, and at the same time we will find out what pity is.
First of all I'll give short definition pity so that we all understand perfectly what we are dealing with. Pity is a feeling of discomfort, which manifests itself in the form of condescending compassion, condolences, mercy, sadness, regret. We can experience this feeling both in relation to ourselves and in relation to other people. I would also say that pity is one of the forms of a person’s dependence on society, this is when we're talking about about pity for other people. Because, pitying other people, a person partly feels sorry for himself, because at this moment he treats other people the way he would like them to treat him when he finds himself in the same situation as them. And the fact that we or other people need precisely pity in certain situations, and nothing else, we not only and not so much understand as we feel. After all, where did we get the idea that people need to be pitied? We feel it, right? We not only know about this, but we feel that people in a given situation need to be pitied, since from time to time we ourselves feel the need for self-pity. Is this good or bad? Let's figure it out.
Pity for others
First, let's look at pity for other people in order to understand when and why we feel sorry for someone and where this pity leads us. Usually we start from certain ideas about good and evil, about good and bad, about right or wrong when we do something, in in this case, we feel sorry for someone. Also, we impose the situation in which the other person finds himself on ourselves and thus, by feeling sorry for him, we seem to feel sorry for ourselves. That is, we proceed from the fact that in a certain situation a person needs to be pitied, precisely to be pitied, not to cheer him up, not to be ignored, not to do anything else with him, but to be pitied. Consequently, if we find ourselves in exactly the same situation, we expect that we will also be pitied. And what happens to us in the end? What happens is that in some situations, our pity actually benefits both ourselves and the people we pity, while in others it harms them, us, or only us. Well, for example, you felt sorry for your child who fell, say, from a swing and hit himself painfully. He is hurt, offended, he needs support from you, which you can give him in the form of pity. He wants to be pitied, and you do it. And when you feel sorry for him, you show him your love and care in this way, which strengthens his trust in you and plants in him the seed of love for other people, primarily for you. That is, when we feel sorry for someone, we show this person that we care about him, and in some cases we let him know that we love him, that we sympathize with him, that we share with him his pain, suffering, resentment and so on. In situations like these, pity is very useful. Kindness itself is very useful - it makes us human.
So we need to be able to feel sorry for people, even if not all of them and not always, but in general we should be able to do this, because this is a very useful skill. After all, many people need pity, especially children, who expect it primarily from their parents. But many adults also love it when people feel sorry for them. People expect pity from others, they often count on it, they look for it. And if you can give them this pity when it is required, you will gain confidence in them, which sometimes, you agree, is very important for establishing useful connections. If you are a ruthless, cold, indifferent person who does nothing good for other people, then you are unlikely to be able to enlist their support when you need it. Few people are eager to help those who never help anyone themselves. So pity, as one of the manifestations of kindness, has its price in this world. Although people often take advantage of our pity in the most ruthless and immoral way. They can manipulate us with its help or simply be ungrateful that we took pity on them. It is what it is. I'm sure you've encountered people who spat in your soul in response to your pity and kindness. However, because of people like this, we shouldn’t think that our pity is our enemy. This is wrong. Our pity can also be our ally, helping us establish warm and friendly relationships with many people, especially with those who are commonly called normal people. Therefore, you should not worry too much about the problems that arise due to the manifestation of this feeling. You just need to start controlling it in order to understand who and in what situation you should feel sorry for, and who you should treat coldly and with indifference. Now let’s turn our attention to this.
What is important to consider here? It is important to always take into account your benefit, primarily in the medium and long term, in order to understand where your action, that is, your expression of pity in a given situation, will ultimately lead you. Let's say you took pity on a person and did something good for him. And it seems like it didn’t give you anything. The person disappeared from your life or continues to live as he lived, without considering it necessary to somehow thank you for your help, for your kindness. And so you think that you took pity on the person, but there’s no point in doing so. And you may begin to regret your actions. Still, what can I say, we are not always ready to do everything completely unselfishly. But don't rush to conclusions. It's not all that obvious here. Firstly, as you know, they don’t seek goodness from goodness, and if you took pity on someone and helped someone, then you shouldn’t think that this person now owes you. Pity and kindness are not things that need to be traded, although people manage to do this too. And secondly, if we talk about benefits, how do you know when and in what form you will receive it? That is, how do you know in what form your goodness will return to you?
Understand that the effect of one or another of our actions is always much larger than what we can see and understand, and therefore much more difficult to evaluate. In addition, this effect is extended over time and you never know where your action will ultimately lead you in the long term. When you feel sorry for another person, even an ungrateful one, you show yourself as a person, as a person, not only to him, but also to other people who form their opinion about you based on your actions and according to their beliefs and values. That is, by your actions you tell other people what kind of person you are. And when a certain opinion is formed about you, as a rule, positive, because kind people are loved, even if they are not always respected and appreciated, but they are loved, then all normal people know that you are the kind of person whom it makes sense to help, suggest, and whom one can feel sorry for. , if you need it. Therefore, even if it is not the person whom you took pity on and whom you helped, he will help you in return, but many other people, knowing about your good deed, can do it for him. In addition, some people do not thank immediately, but after some time, when they have such an opportunity. You, I repeat, by taking pity on the person, showed yourself to him, you showed that you can be humane, and this, no matter what you say, inspires trust. Thus, by helping other people, including feeling sorry for them, you can earn yourself a good reputation - a reputation as a normal, responsive, kind person. That is, with your good deeds you make a name for yourself, which, as you know, can work for a person all his life.
Of course, any name, even the kindest and most honest one, can be spoiled, denigrated, and discredited. But, you know, friends, when you personally know a person well, with whom you have dealt many times and who has never let you down, deceived you, or used you, but on the contrary, helped you, you will never believe in any nasty thing that his ill-wishers will spread things about him. Therefore, if you felt sorry for someone, someone who really needed it and deserved it, then rest assured that he will most likely begin to think very well of you and will never believe someone who speaks badly about you. So from this point of view, showing pity in those situations when you need to help a person, support him, restore his faith in the best, faith in himself, and not think about how beneficial it is for you right now, can be very beneficial. Your past actions can serve you very well in the future. People, no matter what they are, for the most part, still try to reach out to the good, kind, normal people who you can trust and rely on.
But not everything is as simple and beautiful as we would like. If our goodness always returned to us like a boomerang, we would all be very kind and would constantly help each other and feel sorry for each other. However, in real life good deed good deed, not only is not always rewarded, and sometimes even punished, but is not always a good deed and good deed. You may be mistaken in believing that by feeling sorry for this or that person, in one way or another, you have done a good deed. Our pity can turn out to be very harmful, and therefore, as I said at the very beginning, we need to be able to distinguish it from useful pity. Let's give another example of pity. Suppose you feel sorry for someone, for example, the same child, while trying to protect him from pain, not letting him on the same swing from which he might fall, trying to protect him from difficulties, saving him from hard work, for example, during study, protecting him from fear, protecting him from unpleasant information, from suffering, and also protecting him from meeting bad people, from your point of view, and so on. So, with all these prohibitions and excessive care for your child, you are preventing him from fully developing, receiving useful life experience, you prevent him from overcoming difficulties, you prevent him from learning to get up after a fall. That is, such excessive, inappropriate, wrong pity prevents a person from becoming stronger. This is certainly harmful to him, and it is especially harmful to the child who needs to learn to live in real world, and not hide in the “greenhouse” you created for him. Do you understand what the problem is here? We must be able to fall and we must be able to rise, on our own, without outside help, in order to be as adapted to life as possible. And this needs to be learned. And in order to learn this, you cannot avoid difficulties, you cannot avoid pain, you cannot protect yourself from everything that you do not like and that you are afraid of. And even more so, you cannot protect other people from this, in particular children, especially children for whom it is important to learn to be strong. Therefore, a child and any person in general must suffer. You see, I should. And if someone’s pity prevents him from doing this, then it simply harms him. After all, when we get used to this pity, we only look for it everywhere, instead of struggling with difficulties, overcoming them and always relying primarily on our own strengths.
Besides, our pity often lets us down, as I’m sure you know very well. It happens that you feel sorry for a person, help him, and then he will do something bad to you in response. Let him not do this on purpose, but by inertia, for example, climb onto your neck and constantly ask you to help him. In the end, it will turn out like in that parable about the donkey and the bull, in which the simple-minded donkey, wanting to help the bull, began to do the work for him. hard work, that is, he took on his burden, to his own detriment. Such pity on your part will simply leave you in the cold. In addition, some people, as you know, perceive other people's pity as weakness and take advantage of it - putting pressure on this feeling in order to gain some benefit. This is a very ugly and even disgusting manipulation, which is used, for example, by the same beggars who do not want to work. And we, it seems, have all our hearts for the person, we feel sorry for him, we want to help him, but he craps into our souls. A familiar situation, That's it. That is why it is important to understand who deserves our pity and in what situations, and who does not. Let's return to this issue a little later, below I will tell you how to get rid of the feeling of pity, and there we will raise it again. In the meantime, let's talk a little about an equally harmful form of pity - self-pity.
Self pity
Self-pity is a very harmful habit for a person, developed as a result of his inability to cope with difficulties, his inability to solve problems and his lack of self-confidence. It may be due to the fact that in childhood a person was pitied too much and too often, as a result of which the line between his parents showing love for him and that very excessive care for him that I wrote about above was simply erased. That is, excessive care for a person is detrimental to him. In such cases they say: “If you want to destroy a person, start feeling sorry for him.” And I would clarify: if you want to destroy a person, pinch or squeeze him. This will be more correct. And in the end, what happens is that a person is accustomed to pity, he does not perceive his weakness as something wrong, abnormal, unnecessary for him, which he needs to get rid of, but instead he can even enjoy it. So from, it would seem, noble deed, pity can turn into one of the forms of a person’s dependence on external circumstances and other people, with which a person can live his whole life. After all, it is always easier to justify your weakness, laziness, stupidity, your mistakes than to correct them. And to do this, you need to feel sorry for yourself, make yourself a victim of circumstances in your own eyes, and, if possible, in the eyes of other people, so that they pat you on the head and wipe your nose. All this, of course, is very touching, but not useful.
Some people like to suffer, cry, complain about their lives, pour out their souls to someone to calm themselves down. And you know that, sometimes, I emphasize, sometimes, they really need it to unload, to cleanse themselves of bad thoughts, get rid of pain, from that unnecessary burden that has accumulated in their soul as a result of an unfavorable combination of circumstances and their own mistakes. But such cleansing should not become an end in itself. You can’t constantly feel sorry for yourself, just to do nothing and blame everything on circumstances and other people, and even on yourself, just to, I repeat, do nothing. Pity - it’s like a sting - stings right in the heart, and we do it to ourselves, we pity ourselves, we ourselves suppress our will when we feel sorry for ourselves. So you need to get rid of harmful pity, and below we will talk about how to do this.
How to get rid of feelings of pity
Well, now let's look at what is probably the most important question for some of you - the question of how to get rid of feelings of pity. From the very pity that harms you and prevents you from achieving your goals. I, of course, understand perfectly well that sometimes we need to make this difficult choice for many of us - between other people’s interests, other people’s well-being and personal gain, and it needs to be done in such a way as not to be left in the cold, so as not to lose, so to speak. At the same time, your conscience may tell you one thing, and your mind another. On the one hand, you will feel sorry for the person if you don’t feel sorry for him, but on the other hand, you need to take care of yourself, solve your problems and tasks. So, sometimes, yes, you need to forget about pity, even when people really need it, and act in a way that benefits you. Therefore, this choice can be called a choice between conscience and profit. How to do it?
Friends, let’s use logic and think about whether our and in particular your help to those people who, from your point of view, need it, is really what they really need? Now, suppose you felt sorry for a person, so what? Has the world changed for the better? This man has changed better side? Or maybe you have become better? Hardly. Or rather, our pity does not always lead to something good. And often no one needs our pity at all. Do you know why? Because people should be independent, responsible and strong, and not rely on the pity of others. In addition, do not forget that you owe yourself no less than others. I'm talking about those cases when you feel sorry for someone to the detriment of your interests. We are, of course, taught to be altruists, taught to help other people, taught to be kind and good, so that the lives of all people as a whole would be better. And indeed, it is impossible without this - the world cannot and should not consist of only heartless and ruthless egoists, otherwise it will be impossible to live in it. Nevertheless, no one will deny that the same evil, no matter how anyone understands it, was, is and will be, which means that such actions that, let’s say, will go against our conscience, are not only inevitable, but they must be in our lives. In other words, no matter how much you feel sorry for other people, the world will not change much because there was good and evil in it, so they will be, because they must be. And you, as a person, will always remain a sinner, both from the point of view of “original sin” and from the point of view of common sense. Because you cannot always do good and right, always and everywhere do good, no matter how much you want to. Because life cannot consist only of good, there must also be evil in it, otherwise we will not understand what good is. In that case, why don't you do what your mind tells you to do instead of trying to be what you think you should be? Why would you feel sorry for people in situations where it makes no sense? If you do not feel sorry for a person in a situation where it is not beneficial for you, you will not become worse because of this, you will simply do something for yourself, and not for this person. And, as I already said, you owe yourself no less than others, and perhaps even more.
Besides this, as I already said, your pity, like your help, may actually not be needed by anyone in most cases. In some situations, you will think that by pitying a person you are doing good, but in fact you can harm him by indulging his weakness, laziness, stupidity, irresponsibility, and so on. Do you know what I mean? For example, the same beggars do not always need to give, because by doing this you only help them remain poor, because they do not need to work, they do not need to do anything useful for society or themselves, because good people will still give bread. Why does this world need people who don’t want to do anything? Think about it, think about the meaning of your pity and excessive kindness. After all, all your decisions and actions depend on the attitudes that are in your head, and believe me, they are not always correct. To understand that pity, whether for yourself or for others, is not always appropriate - do not put yourself before a choice between good and evil, put yourself before a choice between two or more evils. Do you feel the difference? Not always ours good deeds, are truly kind and correct. So I repeat - choose between two or more evils, and not between good and evil, choose between your different right actions, and not between right and wrong. This makes it easier to ignore the voice of conscience, which makes you feel sorry for others, including to the detriment of yourself, and including to the detriment of those whom you feel sorry for.
Now let's move on to heavier artillery in our fight against unnecessary, unnecessary and harmful pity. And for this, let's set ourselves more cardinal question– do people deserve pity at all? In your life, what kind of people were there more, those who, if you pitied them, became better, kinder, more honest, more decent, or those who perceived your pity as your weakness and climbed on your neck or other people who pitied them? As you can see, I am not asserting anything, but I suggest you think about your attitude towards other people, about your opinion about them. It is quite obvious that many, or maybe only some people, you know better, whom you feel sorry for, felt sorry for, or may feel sorry for in the future, may not deserve this very pity. When you show pity for other people, you base your decisions on the understanding that these people, for the most part, are good, kind, honest and decent, so you need to feel sorry for them, you need to help them. But I know that there are people who, in their decisions, proceed from the fact that all people are bad, evil, vicious and they do not deserve any pity. And these people who think so have no problems with feelings of pity and conscience. Therefore, for you, friends, it is advisable, if the feeling of pity really bothers you, excuse the expression, to proceed, first of all, from the understanding that all, well, almost all people are bad and evil, and therefore it is not just unprofitable to feel sorry for them , but even harmful. Because they don't deserve pity. I understand that this may not sound entirely objective, not entirely beautiful, and not entirely correct. But if you constantly feel sorry for everyone and do it to your own detriment, then you need such an attitude so that you can simply emotional level change your attitude towards other people the worst side, and then you will lose the desire to feel sorry for them and help them. But I warn you that you under no circumstances need to become a ruthless misanthrope and misanthrope. And it’s not even that it’s just not good – it’s unprofitable. Bad, evil, cruel people who hate everyone and never help anyone - often get the same bad attitude. Fierce hatred of people, as well as excessive love for them, is simply the other extreme, which also must be avoided.
Now let's turn your attention to another very important reason which makes people feel sorry for others. To do this, I will ask you a provocative question - isn’t your pity for other people connected with self-pity? Wait, don’t rush to answer it, think a little about it. You need to understand the motive behind your actions. The fact is that many people who feel pity for others subconsciously expect the same pity for themselves. And she, too, as we found out, is very harmful to humans. And if you want to be pitied, so you yourself feel sorry for others, then you need to solve the problem with your weakness, since self-pity is associated with it. You need to hate this weakness, roughly speaking, in order to want to get rid of it. To a strong man other people's pity is not needed, moreover, for him it is very suspicious, since it makes him think that someone is trying to gain his trust in this way. Weak people, on the contrary, ask for pity for themselves and for this they can feel sorry for others. That is, the problem of pity in this case is largely related to a person’s weakness, which he needs to get rid of. In addition, if we proceed from the idea I indicated above that many people are evil, bad, vicious, then you can rest assured that most of those whom you have pitied will not regret you. Think about it. After all, the less you begin to see good in other people, the less you will count on them and the less you will feel sorry for them. So don’t expect pity from people, even if some of them can give it to you, and without any self-interest, still don’t expect it, because many of them will not feel sorry for you.
And of course, you need to learn to rely more on yourself, so as not to seek consolation in pity, but in strength, your own own strength, in your own capabilities. You need self-confidence, not pity. When you are confident enough in yourself, you will begin to rely less on other people and therefore the need to help them, subconsciously or consciously counting on reciprocity, that is, that they will also help you when you need their help, you will no longer be there. And if you also begin to clearly understand that your help and your pity for another person will result in not just a loss of some benefit for you, but also certain problems, then you will no longer have either the desire or any reason to feel sorry help someone and someone. So, in order not to count on other people - on their pity and help, just get into your head the idea that all people, with rare exceptions, are evil and bad, and that they not only don’t need your help, but it is also harmful, both for you and for them. I won't say that it's completely correct installation, that feeling sorry for other people and counting on their pity yourself, and also believing that all people are bad and evil, is correct, but I repeat, in cases where a feeling of pity prevents you from living and you cannot consciously control it, you can use it fight this way.
In general, we need pity. Without it, life in our society will become much more difficult. I believe that people need to feel sorry for each other, but only in special cases when it's really needed. Pity helps you get rid of heartache, with its help you can provide the necessary support to a person in trouble. This feeling in itself humanizes people, it helps them trust each other more, helps them worry difficult times, allows you to show love to each other. But we should not forget that we should always look at life with different sides, including from the side that shows it to us dark side, in which any, even the most sacred feelings, are used by some people in a very cynical, immoral and ruthless manner. Therefore, pity can be both a holy and at the same time a cruel feeling, causing harm to the one who pities someone, the one who is pitied, and the one who feels sorry for himself. Do not paint this feeling with one brush, do not think that it can always be only harmful or only useful, or be solely a manifestation of weakness. Your task is to rid yourself of the extremes to which you can fall because of this feeling, so as not to be too kind or too evil. Then you can use pity for your own benefit, rather than being led by it.
Pity. What is pity really?
This, at first glance, is a very good and necessary quality of a person. This is the ability to treat another with understanding, with sympathy, the desire to support in difficult times.
There is also a pity for what can no longer be returned, the past years, times, people, events, what is remembered with pleasure, with pleasant sadness, with regret.
Pity is caused by people who have found themselves in various everyday troubles, the homeless, the disabled, and street beggars.
We feel sorry for our children, aged parents, relatives who find themselves in unfavorable situations.
There are quite a lot of reasons for the manifestation of this feeling and, very often, many people begin to believe that by doing so they are really helping such people. real help.
But, as always, not everything is so simple.
WHAT IS PIRE REALLY?
If a child falls from a slide and hits himself, naturally one should feel sorry for him. Express your sympathy and concern to him. This is our parental duty. But, if, out of a feeling of pity, you don’t let him go on this slide anymore, or stand next to him and constantly hold his hand, then, most likely, your child will never learn to deftly climb this slide, and at least a small , but a gap that will need to be filled in the future.
If, out of a feeling of pity, you do your child’s daily chores (put away toys, make the bed, wash the dishes), then, over time, your child will turn into a complete egoist who does not know how and does not want to do anything in the house .
Many wives, out of pity, tolerate the antics of their husbands and, instead of jointly changing the situation, these antics flourish over the years.
Out of pity, you can give alms on the street. And the tramp who receives it will never begin to work and think, but will sit on the street in the hope of receiving his portion of pity and, in addition, financial reward.
The feeling of pity is very subtle and not a simple manifestation. human soul. Everyone needs to figure out for themselves where the line between heartlessness And ruthlessness, and when the manifestation of pity brings harm to a person, including the mechanism for receiving the next portion of this very pity.
Sometimes it is enough to feel sorry for a person once, and after that he gathers his strength and finds a way to change his situation. And sometimes you need to show this feeling for a long enough time so that a person takes a breath and manages to gather his strength.
You need to learn to feel sorry for your child in such a way as not to create in him unnecessary fears and the desire to solve his problems with someone else’s hands. When your child falls, he thereby learns how to do it. You have to be able to fall. But no less important learn to RISE yourself, without outside help. You also need to be able to do this, in adult life this will be very useful.
The only thing that can be recommended here is that it is necessary in every situation to find this line, when pity from a warm, kind, sincere feeling is transformed into a poisonous inoculation that kills a person’s desire to tense up and change the course of things.
It's no coincidence that the words SORRY and PITY very similar, the difference is only one letter. This is the difference we must learn to see and not go too far in our desire to help a person.
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Instructions
Get rid of feelings pity necessary simply because in this way they refer to creatures that are wretched or defective. Pity is quite appropriate for a street kitten with a broken leg - it is not his fault and he simply will not survive if you do not leave him. But when you start to feel sorry for an adult whose arms and legs are fine, you deliberately make him miserable. You give him the right to use your life resources without being weaker, more unhappy, or richer than you.
Realize that your pity does not help your neighbor at all. She discourages him from making any effort himself, to work on himself and on the arrangement of his life. own life. The more you feel sorry for him, the deeper he will plunge into his problems and, in the end, he will also blame you for them. Since you feel sorry for him, he will soon begin to believe that he is worthy of this pity, and will be happy to allow you to solve it life problems and providing for his needs.
It is human nature to value his work and his efforts, but he does not always adequately appreciate what others do. Don't expect gratitude from the person you are helping from feelings pity, it simply won't exist. If you really want to help, just shake him up, even scold him, awaken his ambitions and make it clear that no one is going to bother with him. You can only help someone who is doing something, and not someone who is just going with the flow.
Understand that your pity has a detrimental effect on a person and his soul. Replace this feeling and show your love, care and attention. These are the ones feelings will become a real manifestation of mercy, will help him cope with misfortune, arrange his life.
When a person knows that you are not indifferent to him and his fate, but you believe in his fortitude and will, he will be happy and proud to prove to you that your faith was justified. Only in this case will you really help and even save the person, only then will he be sincerely grateful to you.
Video on the topic
The successes of friends and loved ones can become a serious test of the strength of relationships. Not everyone can accept other people's victories with joy. Blame it on varying degrees - feelings, corroding from the inside and preventing you from enjoying life.
Instructions
Start by realizing that you really feel jealous of to a certain person. This insidious feeling can “masquerade” as inexplicable hostility or reluctance to cross paths with a more successful acquaintance. Do not extinguish it under any circumstances and do not try to lie to yourself that you actually treat the person well and rejoice at his successes. Unleash yours feelings m for a while and then try to analyze them. Think about what price a person pays for the possession of these goods? What are the reasons that you cannot have similar values. Perhaps if you realize that your neighbor is “paying for” a new car sleepless nights and overload at work, you will look at the situation more calmly and objectively.
If the feeling envy overwhelms you so much that oh common sense out of words, try to switch. It is unlikely that in such emotional moments you should work on yourself and get rid of the thing that is corroding you. envy. Distract yourself with something interesting, start watching an exciting movie, go to an exhibition, or just do meditation. Your goal is to make previous thoughts irrelevant. Try to calm down and maintain a positive attitude.
