Fear of silence is a condition in which a person often cannot control his thoughts and actions. He panics every time he has to be alone with himself. Sometimes fear appears for no apparent reason, as soon as you find yourself in an unfamiliar place. Of course, such manifestations do not add optimism, but only interfere with fully enjoying life.
Fear of silence in psychology is called iremophobia. Statistically, many people suffer from this disorder. It’s just that not everyone turns to a psychotherapist for help, not everyone is ready to discuss a problem of this kind even with close relatives, considering it shameful and unworthy strong man. Meanwhile, there is nothing to be shy about. Need to determine as soon as possible the real problem, which is hidden behind this phobia. Otherwise, it is unlikely that it will be possible to defeat the destructive condition.
Manifestations
Many people associate the fear of silence with the fear of death. A person suddenly experiences an inexplicable panic that he cannot overcome on his own. Coping with such fear is actually not very easy.
Fear of being alone with yourself
Iremophobia forces a person to constantly look for something to do. Even when preparing for bed, a person avoids completely disconnecting from the outside world. He has a need to watch films, listen to the radio. When it is necessary to take some decisive steps in relation to other people, he acts without hesitation. In case of immersion in your own world such a person is lost, does not know what to do correctly.
Other fears
The fear of silence is often accompanied by the fear of being alone. Such a person is very afraid of the prospect of immersing himself in his own thoughts. They seem scary to him. Often against this background there is tinnitus, dizziness and general disorientation in space. This condition scares a person even more, makes him withdraw into his inner world and become isolated.
How to overcome
A state of internal melancholy that does not go away long time, definitely needs correction. How formerly man begins to act, the better for himself. This phobia has its own distinctive characteristics. They need to be taken into account so that the process of getting rid of fear is as effective as possible.
Right to make mistakes
First of all, you should realize that every person can show their weakness, and there is nothing shameful in this. The right to be imperfect is given by nature. The more a person strains to demonstrate his strength and power to others, the more strength goes to fight with himself. All you need to do is relax and accept your inner state.
Having realized his own right to make mistakes, a person will be able to overcome any difficulties and overcome significant obstacles. Of course, you cannot leave this condition of yours without due attention. But it is very important not to focus on what is happening. The more effort spent on struggle, the less chance there is of finding oneself.
Rationalization
Any fears need to be carefully analyzed, then they will begin to pass. It’s better to try to sort everything out and explain to yourself why you are afraid of silence. If a panic attack takes you by surprise, there are a few things you need to do: deep breaths and try to calm down. Rationalization of any event reduces the degree of fear. As soon as we begin to think actively, something switches in our heads. Existing problem no longer seems so global and serious. It is important to analyze in time and identify what is really happening.
Conditions for silence
Many people absolutely cannot be alone with themselves, because various disappointing thoughts immediately begin to fill their heads. It is necessary to create appropriate conditions for silence in order to eventually stop being afraid of it. This is why some people constantly fall asleep with headphones in their ears. Continuous listening to music and various lectures on self-development gives them a temporary feeling of belonging to the world. If a person is suddenly placed in an isolated space, he begins to suffer. Stop constantly looking for some source of background noise. If you don't watch TV, there's no reason for it to work in your bedroom. Fearing loneliness, many people sit computer games for days on end. This is the wrong position. This will make the fear of silence even worse. You need to learn not to be afraid of loneliness. Only in this case can you be satisfied with life.
Thus, the fear of silence is associated with the individual’s inability to apply his own internal resources. When overcoming iremophobia, you should turn to your internal state, seeking to find peace and harmony.
If you are calm, the whole world becomes calm for you. It's like a reflection. Everything that you are is reflected completely. Everyone becomes a mirror. Osho.
The most inhumane act a person can commit is turning someone into a thing. Osho.
I don't have any biography. And everything that is considered a biography is absolutely meaningless. When I was born, in what country I was born, it doesn’t matter. Osho.
Just watch why you are creating a problem. The solution to a problem is at the very beginning, when you first create it - don’t create it! You don’t have any problems – it’s enough to understand only this.
When you are sick, call the doctor. But most importantly, call those who love you, because there is no medicine more important than love. Osho.
Before knocking on the right door, a person knocks on thousands of wrong doors. Osho.
The greatest fear in the world is fear of the opinions of others. The moment you are not afraid of the crowd, you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar is heard in your heart - the roar of freedom. Osho.
If you can wait forever, you don't have to wait at all. Osho.
The only person on earth whom we can change is ourselves, Osho.
Don't run from yourself, you can't be anyone else. Osho.
Inside every old person there is a young person wondering what happened. Osho.
Learn to laugh more. Laughter is as holy as prayer. Your laughter will open a thousand and one roses within you. Osho.
Make life around you beautiful. And let every person feel that meeting you is a gift. Osho.
The child comes clean, nothing is written on him; there is no indication of who he should be - all dimensions are open to him. And the first thing you need to understand: a child is not a thing, a child is a being. Osho
Get out of your head and into your heart. Think less and feel more. Don’t get attached to thoughts, immerse yourself in sensations... Then your heart will come to life. Osho
Only occasionally, very rarely, do you allow someone to enter you. This is exactly what love is. Osho.
Suffering is the result of taking life seriously; bliss is the result of the game. Take life as a game, enjoy it. Osho.
The head is always thinking about how to get more; the heart always feels how to give more. Osho.
Dying for someone, for something, is the easiest thing in the world. Living for anything is the most difficult thing. Osho.
Everything that has been experienced can be overcome; what is suppressed cannot be overcome. Osho.
The reasons are within ourselves, outside there are only excuses... Osho
Love is patient, everything else is impatient. Passion is impatient; love is patient. Once you understand that patience means love, you understand everything. Osho.
At this very moment you can drop all problems because they are all created by you. Osho.
Stop thinking about how to get love and start giving. By giving, you receive. There is no other way... Osho
When you think you are deceiving others, you are only deceiving yourself. Osho.
If you don't change now, you will never change. No need for endless promises. You either change or you don't, but be honest. Osho.
Falling is part of Life, rising to your feet is its Living. Being Alive is a Gift and being Happy is your CHOICE. Osho.
If you don’t know how to say “No,” your “Yes” is also worthless. Osho.
Without you, this Universe will lose some poetry, some beauty: there will be a missing song, there will be a missing note, there will be an empty gap. Osho.
People believe in the immortality of the soul not because they know it, but because they are afraid. How more cowardly person, the more likely it is that he believes in the immortality of the soul - not because he is religious; he's just a coward. Osho.
Any borrowed truth is a lie. Until you experience it yourself, it is never true. Osho.
No one should follow anyone, everyone should go into his own soul. Osho.
The only criterion for life is bliss. If you don't feel that life is bliss, then know that you are going in the wrong direction. Osho.
Don't take life as a problem, it is a mystery of stunning beauty. Drink from it, it is pure wine! Be full of it! Osho.
If you lie once, you will be forced to lie a thousand and one times to cover up the first lie. Osho.
A woman in love with you can inspire you to heights you never dreamed of. And she doesn't ask for anything in return. She just needs love. And this is hers natural law. Osho.
Sin is when you don't enjoy life. Osho.
Don't teach others, don't try to change them. It is enough that you change yourself - this will be your message. Osho.
What's wrong with someone laughing for no reason? Why do you need a reason to laugh? A reason is needed to be unhappy; You don't need a reason to be happy. Osho.
Don't expect perfection, and don't ask or demand it. Love ordinary people. There is nothing wrong with ordinary people. Ordinary people- unusual. Every person is so unique. Respect this uniqueness. Osho.
What difference does it make who is stronger, who is smarter, who is more beautiful, who is richer? After all, in the end, all that matters is whether you are a happy person or not? Osho.
Miracles happen every moment. Nothing else happens. Osho.
Until you can say no, your yes will have no meaning. Osho
In 2014, one of the latest books I. Yalom, a cult author in world psychology. It was called "We Are All Creatures for a Day" and the title is a direct quote from Marcus Aurelius' book Meditations. “We are all creatures for a day: both who remembers and who is remembered... The time will come when you will forget everything; and the time will come when everything will forget you.”
This quote can serve as an epigraph to I. Yalom’s book, where we're talking about about the relationship between a therapist and a client, who was greatly helped by reading Marcus Aurelius. That’s why I want to start this review with the words of our contemporary who read this book: “Last week I asked myself: “Who did he write all this for?” And now I understand. This is... a message to himself from his deepest self, which has sworn allegiance to the principles of a righteous life." Indeed, when you read the book from the point of view internal dialogue, as a unique example of self-help and support, even self-therapy, if you like, it takes on a truly timeless meaning.
The sobriety of thought, the depth of self-knowledge, the analytical mind of Marcus Aurelius, the emperor who reigned from 161 to 180. n. e. The Roman Empire is simply amazing. While reading, it is sometimes difficult to get rid of the idea that a book is many hundreds of years old, because many of the ideas resonate with modern cultural attitudes. The philosophical treatise “Alone with Myself” touches upon the most important questions from the category of so-called “eternal”. Let's look at the main ones.
Idea of God
Instead of God, Marcus Aurelius is inclined to take into account a certain unshakable law of life, the Whole, the first principle as a force of nature, which is initially wise, regulates itself and is self-sufficient. According to his teaching, the purpose of man is to actualize exactly what his soul strives for, to realize in simplicity and completeness his plan, close divine nature, “preserve the purity of your genius.” This is a righteous life. It is interesting to imagine how difficult it was for Marcus Aurelius himself to bring this to life, whose philosophical nature was clearly abhorred by the need to decide state affairs, wage wars, act as an important public person - in fact, not to be himself. And this need was so unsatisfied that Aurelius found a slave who wrote down all his thoughts in order to be “alone with himself” and become authentic at least in some moments of his life.
Approaching God to human nature, understanding him not as a personified deity (or deities), but as common law, really helps to bring the restless to peace, the uncertain to confidence in the depths of his being: what can happen that would not be in the original divine plan? What can a person do contrary to his nature? Can someone force a person to go against his inner self? These questions have worried many for thousands of years, and perhaps one of the first to raise them was this Roman emperor, who, being a true born philosopher, was forced to rule the Empire. He spoke about the freedom of existential choice, about following one's destiny - and, again, there is a lot of personal stuff in this. There are frequent references to gods in the treatise, but if we abstract from the realities of the Roman Empire of 160-180. n. e., his thoughts sound quite modern. The idea of fate is closely connected with the concept of gods - it comes close to the understanding of fate in Greek tragedy - it is pointless to fight with it, because it takes best forces And best time life. Submission and acceptance are motifs that run like a red thread throughout the book.
In addition, Aurelius moves away from the pagan idea of polytheism more than once, as if recognizing its certain convention: “Everything is intertwined with each other, there is a divine connection everywhere, and there is hardly anything alien to everything else, for everything is united in general and serves to decorate the same world. After all, everything is made up of one world, everything penetrates one god, the essence of everything is one...” Therefore, according to Aurelius, a person has much more responsibility (he is not so much controlled by the gods as he chooses to accept his original nature, of his own free will and at the behest of the rational principle, and after this emotions are balanced, wisdom and harmony appear).
About death
Marcus Aurelius was convinced that it is our perception that determines our assessment of any external phenomenon according to the principle of benefit or harm: if a person is uncomfortable, he regards the phenomenon as negative, if he receives a benefit, he considers it positive. The same thing happens with the understanding of death: considering it “bad,” a person impoverishes the very concept of nature - after all, one of its laws is precisely the finitude of the living. For some this causes rejection and fear, others are inclined to consider it a punishment, and there are rare individuals who calmly accept even their own impending death. Everything passes - and fame, success, gloss, and wealth turn out to be conditional, and then it makes no sense to boast about all this, because it is transitory. The present is the only thing that can disappear; besides this, a person has nothing. Everything else is not an object of possession, which means it is impossible to lose it. And this is true: with the passage of time and history, we are constantly convinced that Alexander the Great and a simple groom are easily equated with death. And if we draw a slightly deeper conclusion, although Aurelius did not have this, we can conclude that the meaning of death is the ability to separate the really important from the temporary, superficial, illusory.
Ethical issues
What can lead a person to the true, worthy path? According to Marcus Aurelius, nothing but thoughts. It is this genus mental activities allows you to maintain internal integrity, find support from passions, prepare yourself for a bright and joyful acceptance of death, “as simple expansion those elements that make up each Living being" Based on the worldview of Aurelius, the Whole consists of parts - us, and when we are born, we split it into billions of parts, so that after death we can reunite again and dissolve in the Existence. And this is the law of life, which, using modern language, can be designated as fragmentation and integration, replacing each other sequentially within a separate human life and from a general macrohistorical perspective.
To answer vital questions, it is important to go within yourself. However, “nowhere does a person retire so calmly and serenely as in his own soul... It is this solitude that you constantly indulge in, thus renewing yourself.” How does solitude provide the opportunity for renewal? Through deep and sincere reflection about oneself and about life, knowledge of nature as a neutral law, devoid of evaluative accents. Only people endow it with a certain mode, and if you remove negative perception(“complaint”), then the harm from the phenomenon will be eliminated. It turns out that the main thing is self-analysis, not a person’s external activity, but the quality of his internal work.
Marcus Aurelius considered an important quality to be the ability to accept all the hardships that befall one’s lot without unnecessary grumbling - absolutely in the spirit of Stoic culture - as inevitable, “assigned”, but certainly bearing the potential for growth. It is complaints about life and discontent, according to Aurelius, that violate this harmony of destiny’s destiny.
“Is anyone being mean to me? Well, that's his business. He has his own mental mood and his own way of acting. I am what he wants me to be, general nature, and I act as my own nature wants me to act.” The highest ideal wise man Aurelius considered someone who, seeing something wrong, points it out to someone else and teaches, but without anger or irritation, without expecting real change. This is where the author’s attitude is reflected: not to expect gratitude from the world - but only to do what the soul and “internal indicator of truth” requires.
In any case, the book is recommended to be read if there is a need to deepen, search for existential meanings, if there are anxieties and concerns about various things. The unhurried rhythm of the book, repetitions, clear structure - all this helps to find the ground under your feet. Or just think under a cozy blanket with a cup of hot tea about the essence of the world and nature.
Literature:
- Yalom, I. We are all creatures for the day. - M.: Moscow Institute of Psychoanalysis, 2014. - 240 p.
- Marcus Aurelius. Alone with myself.
Editor: Chekardina Elizaveta Yurievna
Strange nonsense... Why is everyone so against loneliness? Why do we forbid ourselves to be alone, just like in the book “O wondrous new world"Huxley? One senses some kind of global conspiracy in all this, they say, be fruitful and multiply, comrades, the main thing is to be with at least someone, otherwise it’s indecent. In fact, we are always alone. Loneliness is the most common state of any person. A person is alone by nature, even if he managed to find people who are dear to him, who understand, who can be called loved ones or true friends, we are still completely hopelessly alone. And that's okay. You don't even need to write "suck it up" because loneliness is a normal part human nature, which is not scary at all. Many psychologists are sure that fear of loneliness is one of the indicators of an immature infantile nature.
Without privacy, personal space, the need to think trivially and no healthy personality. But why is it so important to be yourself and sit alone doing absolutely anything?
1. Learn to live a simple life
Understand that a “simple life” does not mean drinking with friends and groping the ass of creepy girls in Adidas leggings. No, man. Simple life- this is an opportunity to enjoy things that do not require running around, the excitement of the hunt or any additional difficulties to obtain pleasure, relaxation or experience. A simple life with solitude - sit with a book in the park, walk down the street after work, sit and drink coffee and read Brodude. No running around - peace and quiet.
2. Keep your mind clear
Solitude will allow you to clear your mind of negativity, vain thoughts and worries. I sat and thought - it turns out that there is no tragedy in this or that situation, everything goes on as usual. I rebooted, finished my coffee and moved on.
3. More accurate assessment of what is happening
When you are alone with yourself, and something is changing around you, you need to understand the situation in order to understand whose side you are on and what you generally think about it, but, to be honest, the most important thing is to understand whether you need to deal with it at all. what's happening, is it worth it? Sometimes you need to clearly understand your reality in order to understand who you are, where you are, what you think about this and where your place in the world. If you have problems with self-identification and a sense of reality (and extroverts often suffer from this), it’s high time for you to retire and withdraw a little into yourself.
4. You will learn a lot about yourself.
When we understand how we perceive the world, it is easier for us to understand what kind of people we are and to realize our shortcomings. Unfortunately, many people have no idea that they are complete assholes because they never think about it. When you start to really understand what's going on in your inner world what worries you, external world It becomes somehow clearer and simpler. It's high time we learned to differentiate ourselves, our thoughts, the thoughts of other people and the various impurities that need to be eliminated. If you don't do a good cleaning of your head, you'll lose a lot.
5. Reduce anxiety
When we don't differentiate between ourselves, other people's influences, and our thoughts, anxiety begins to grow within us like a weed, and at about the same rate. If we are overloaded with problems and tasks, we have far from good thoughts. We are unable to slow them down because we feel they are part of us. But this is far from true. If thoughts are negative, they end up affecting us on a very deep level, bringing out our inhibitions from the darkness of the subconscious. To rid yourself of unnecessary negative thoughts To ease your anxiety, you need to look inside yourself more often. How to do it? That's right: retire.
6. Learn to separate your thoughts from the influence of others
Most people don't like being alone because they feel the need to be social and interact with other people. This is the only way they feel alive and significant. It's part of human nature. Introverts are more dependent on their opinions, therefore they are terribly subjective; extroverts are more dependent on society, but are more open to different facts. However, the quantity social interaction should be enough to keep you sane. Although he often goes overboard. Most of us experience constant pressure society. Someone else's opinion pours into our ears; the environment can be very different from what is inside us. This puts pressure on ALL people, unless they are autistic. The main thing is that time alone and in society corresponds to our needs.
The fact is that most of us depend on others. The other part depends to a lesser extent. Many people need other people to be happy. We need other people to distract us from ourselves. So if you feel the need to communicate, why not chat? We have the same thing when we are tired of other people and communication with even the coolest of them begins to make us feel truly sick. Sometimes even in literally. Why not reduce your communication with them a little?
7. Need to slow down
Life is not a race. When you finally understand that you need to slow down and enjoy the most banal little things, the air around us thickens and we become more alive, or something. This should be enough to make us a little happier. If this doesn't happen, you need to remove all distractions from your life.
8. Remove unnecessary information from yourself
We are exposed to a colossal amount of information that we, in a good way, do not need. Look at all these VKontakte public pages, to be honest, do we really need them in such quantities? Is anyone looking at them? Does anyone start their day with this? This cannot be said to be correct. All these social media, the abundance of articles, posts and the need to follow the life of Russia and the society around it literally makes the brain explode. Everything is constantly changing, and you are not even aware of some things and events. What if tomorrow everything is bad? Disconnect from the constant flow harmful information- that's what we need. Definitely.
9. Get to know your weaknesses
You know for sure that you have them, right? Sometimes it's so scary and unpleasant to realize that weak sides- they really are your weaknesses, as you suspected before. Of course, our ego does not like the fact that you have found a number of tangible shortcomings in yourself; it will in every possible way resist healthy criticism of your loved one. Don't give in! We all have our weaknesses. Ignoring them is a disgusting thing because someday they will come out and show you their ugly face.
PHOTO Getty Images
Usually, when we say that we are doing nothing, we mean that we are doing trifles, killing time. But in the literal sense of inaction, many of us try with all our might to avoid, because then we are left alone with our thoughts. This can cause such discomfort that our mind immediately begins to look for any opportunity to avoid internal dialogue and switch to external stimuli.
This is evidenced by a series of experiments conducted by a group of psychologists from Harvard University and the University of Virginia. In the first of them student participants were asked to spend 15 minutes alone in an uncomfortable, sparsely furnished room and think about something. At the same time, they were given two conditions: not to get up from the chair and not to fall asleep. Most students noted that they had difficulty concentrating on anything, and about half admitted that the experiment itself was unpleasant for them.
In the second experiment, participants received a mild electric shock to the ankle. They were asked to rate how painful it was and whether they would be willing to pay a small amount to no longer experience that pain. After that, the participants had to spend time alone, as in the first experiment, with one difference: if they wanted, they could again experience the electric shock.
Being alone with our thoughts causes discomfort, which is why we immediately grab our smartphones in the subway and in queues
The result amazed the researchers themselves. Left alone, many of those who were willing to pay to avoid the shock voluntarily subjected themselves to the painful procedure at least once.
Among men there were 67%, among women 25%. One of the participants repeated the electric shock 9 times, and one participant 190 times!
Similar results were obtained in experiments with older people, including 80-year-olds. “Many participants found being alone so uncomfortable that they would voluntarily inflict pain on themselves to distract themselves from their thoughts,” the researchers concluded.
That is why, as soon as we are left alone with nothing to do - in a subway car, in line at a clinic, waiting for a flight at the airport - we immediately grab our gadgets to kill time. For the same reason, many people fail to meditate. writes science journalist James Kingsland in his book The Mind of Siddhartha. After all, when we sit in silence with eyes closed
, our thoughts begin to wander freely, jumping from one thing to another. And the task of the meditator is to learn to notice the appearance of thoughts and let them go. This is the only way we can calm our mind. “People often get irritated when people keep telling them about mindfulness,” says James Kingsland. - However, it is possible the only way
resist the aggressive flow of our thoughts. Only by learning to notice how they fly back and forth, like pinball balls, can we observe them dispassionately and stop this flow.” The importance of meditation is also emphasized by the authors of the study.
“Without such training,” they summarize, “a person will most likely prefer any activity to thinking, even one that harms him and which, logically, he should avoid.”
