, Comments to the entry It's hard to live disabled
It's hard to liveGood evening. I feel like I can’t cope with my condition on my own; it’s very difficult to live. A year ago there was a divorce for the second time, I separated from my husband. Left with three children. Health problems began (pancreas and harmonic failure). It seems like I didn’t worry too much, but I still feel so stressed...
I changed jobs 2 months ago. Sleep has still not returned to normal. I gained 15 kg in weight. I feel like it’s hard to live, like there’s a ton hanging on me. There is no joy... I don’t want anything.
The first and second divorce are like twins. Both the first and second times there was betrayal. Children 19,14,4. I don't receive alimony. I live alone with my children. My mother-in-law (from my first marriage) helps me with the children. I work and have always worked a lot, usually working 2 or 3 jobs. I came back from maternity leave, and then there was a divorce and no work... lack of money. I haven’t returned to the old one - they don’t pay enough. I started looking for a new one. I changed 3 jobs for various reasons.
Hello, Elena.
I still don’t have enough information to understand why it’s so hard for you to live now, but I can make a few assumptions, maybe some of them will seem correct to you, and it will become clearer what you can do about your condition.
You write that you didn’t worry much after the divorce, and this surprises me, because betrayal is usually a very painful event. Maybe you are used to hiding your negative experiences, and therefore it seems that they are not there at all. However, they accumulate inside, and this can lead to depression. If this is the case, then you need to gradually sort out these heaps of emotions, for example, go to a psychologist regularly and talk about what happened and how you felt about it.
When you talk about everything in detail, maybe even more than once, and cry, then the emotions come out and it becomes better. If money is bad now, then you can find a free government psychological center or call the helpline. You just need to find a specialist with whom you will be truly comfortable. Or you can start a journal and write in great detail about what you experienced, but the results are better when someone listens and sympathizes.
If there are no desires, this most likely means that you are used to not noticing them or not considering them important, or abandoning them for something more important. Fortunately, a person always wants something, so if you start listening to yourself in order to understand what you want right now, at this moment, then desires will begin to awaken.
A bad dream speaks either of unexperienced experiences, which I have already written about, or of anxiety. If it’s more likely the latter, then it’s worth talking in more detail about what worries you: maybe it’s the future, or loneliness, or overwhelming responsibility for children, or something else. When you talk through your fears and look for ways out, life becomes less difficult.
Perhaps you have some psychological difficulties from childhood. When you are always busy with something (you have three children), you don’t have time for them, but there are times when these problems suddenly begin to greatly interfere with your life, and then you have to deal with them. First you need to understand what could be the matter. These could be some habitual fears or thoughts, or low self-esteem. You probably think about something when you feel hard or bad, these thoughts need to be analyzed in order to understand the reason for your current state. But these are more complex things, so it’s worth starting with a simple one: with the fact that your condition can be explained by unexperienced emotions not only from the second divorce, but also from the first.
Raw and cooked or the only way find out the truth about yourself
Why is a person given external difficult circumstances?
In order for us to change under their influence, for what else! Well, why should we change, you ask?
The answer is simple. The whole point is that only by changing under the influence of external aggressive circumstances can a person discover his true nature. In order for a masterpiece to be born from a block of marble, it must be hewn by a sculptor’s chisel. In order for a lump of shapeless clay to become a beautiful utensil that will adorn a private collection or museum centuries later, this clay must first be mercilessly crushed with the fingers of a potter, a demiurge, and then fired in a hot oven.
“Find yourself” is the goal of a person’s life. Psychology, religion, and philosophy agree with this. Only those who disagree with this at the moment crushed with fingers or stuffed into fire...
I will tell an old parable about how people react differently to difficult circumstances in life. From this parable it turns out that there are only three types of people - according to three types of reactions to the so-called “discomfort”... In any classifications, for some reason there is always too much and three types- and no more is needed.
However, if you have any thoughts of your own, and you want to argue or continue this metaphorical series, or even rethink it in some other way, then you and I will be able to adequately “complete” this parable. Here she is.
The Parable of the Egg, Carrot and Coffee
One day a young disciple came to the guru and complained to him about his difficulties:
- Teacher, I’m so tired, my life is somehow wrong, hard, hard. It feels like I'm always swimming against the current, so I have almost no more strength...You are wise. Tell me, what should I do?
The Guru, instead of a long, lengthy answer in “words,” performed a strange ritual.
He went to the stove and put three identical pots of water on the fire. The guru threw raw carrots into one pot, and ordinary carrots into the other. chicken egg, and poured ground coffee into the third pot....
After some time, the guru took the carrots out of the boiling water. Then - an egg. And then he took beautiful cups and poured aromatic coffee into them, brewed in the third pot.
- What has changed in your opinion? - the guru asked his young disciple.
- The egg and carrots were boiled... Well, the coffee, the coffee just dissolved in the water,” the young man answered.
- This is a correct, but only superficial view of things - this is how most people judge, so they are never happy, the wise guru chuckled.
I will teach you to look at ordinary things and ordinary processes that occur with these things as spiritual metaphors , giving the key to understanding the nature of things - the guru grinned.
Look at the first metaphor
Once upon a time hard The carrots, having been in boiling water, suddenly became soft and pliable.
And here is the second metaphor
Liquid The egg, having been in boiling water, suddenly became hard.
Outwardly, they have hardly changed. However, they - both the carrot and the egg - changed their internal essence under the influence of the same external unfavorable circumstances - boiling water.
Isn't that what we see in people's lives?
Under the influence of adversity externally strong people they can become limp, become weaklings...
While some, about whom they said: they are too “fragile and tender” for this life, will only harden and grow stronger in adversity and difficulties...
- “Well, what metaphor does this wonderful coffee represent?” - the student asked his guru.
- ABOUT! Coffee is the most interesting thing!
The third metaphor is coffee
As you can see, our coffee completely dissolved in a new hostile environment and, having dissolved, changed it. Coffee, ground into powder, turned some tasteless boiling water into a magnificent aromatic drink.
There is a third type of people, oh, these are special people!
These people do not change due to difficult circumstances that are aggressively trying to suppress them - no! They themselves will change these circumstances and turn them into something new and beautiful...
***
Who are you? Carrots that have become soft and “cooked”?
Is a hard-boiled egg hardened by fire?
Or coffee, which “created something new and beautiful”, having found itself in difficult circumstances suggested by someone (who was not asked for this)?
You will never know this until you stop seeing only “negative” in difficulties and, as a result, fear and avoid them in every possible way.
Moreover. If it suddenly turns out that you were intended as coffee , but you never had to get into “boiling water”... this is what will happen...
The coffee will expire and will lose its aroma. Such coffee will be thrown away immediately or brewed, but immediately throw away the resulting “stupid”, loudly disappointed in the quality of the resulting drink and the wasted time...
And finally...
Carrot salad with egg...
The fate of a boiled “carrot” is not so sad... It is a real carrot that is no longer destined to become hard after one bath in boiling water. But a person is a completely different matter.
It just so happens that outwardly “strong” people, having found themselves in difficult circumstances and weakened by them, always meet unexpected support and support in the person of those who seemed outwardly “weak” to everyone, but in the face of hardships showed fantastic courage.
For some reason, these people are always unconsciously drawn to each other and always find each other, as if fate were helping them in this... There are many examples that can be given.
Maybe fate decides this way, in order to make the “supposedly strong” less self-confident, and therefore more tolerant and humane, and the “supposedly weak,” on the contrary, more confident in his truly limitless powers?
Elena Nazarenko, Natalia Yakovleva
There is an opinion that people are divided into two categories. Supposedly there is happy people, who have not life, but raspberries. They are rich, lucky, joyful and always in a great mood. There are other people, they are constantly unhappy, their life is hard: there is no money, everything is not working out, there are only ill-wishers around, and there is no talk of joy at all. Most of us, of course, define ourselves somewhere in the middle, but still gravitate toward the second category: life throws up troubles from time to time and pain, resentment, fear, disappointment, and depression settle in our hearts. How can we finally begin to live normally and move into the category of “permanently happy”?
Why is life so hard? Why is life often unfair and wrong?
How to change your life? How to start living normally? How to live full life?
Is it possible to be happy all the time?
Humanity has been in pursuit of a pipe dream- for a well-fed, beautiful, carefree life, where there is no place for heaviness, pain and suffering, but only happiness and joy. However, this aspiration, no matter how pure and beautiful it may be, always runs into the realities of life that can defeat even the most purposeful person. There are many negative factors, which from time to time happen to each of us, and completely without our consent.
A natural continuation of thinking on this topic may be the conclusion that a person is destined to be unhappy. Evil Rock, evil fate- as a counterbalance to happiness and joy - this is the cause of all our troubles and misfortunes. Supposedly an insidious God or evil and despicable the mighty of the world This was specifically planned - to create a world full of pain and suffering, enslaving humanity in the tenacious grip of misfortune. There are even people who, in a fit of their own suffering, begin to think about suicide as a way to get away from all misfortunes at once.
You can, of course, continue to sit in this dead end and suffer from injustice. Or you can look for a different angle on suffering - after all, it cannot be that they are completely meaningless.
Why is life so hard?
We feel life in changing states. We cannot do without comparisons. It is impossible to imagine life in a purely white space; our eye needs at least a speck of yellow, or even better, contrasting black, in order to understand distance, perspective, appreciate beauty, and generally get caught up in a thought. And the more pronounced the opposite is, the more we have something to build on.
If we look closely, we will not find a single example in life that does not have a comparative category for it, through which we come to know it. Whether we want it or not, love it or hate it, it annoys or worries us. The whole world exists around us in a spectrum of possibilities, where there is a plus and a minus. Let's say there is wealth - but the very fact of its existence is possible only if there is poverty. A person is rich only relative to another who does not have that much money. His wealth is expressed in something: the amount of money, cars, houses, yachts - all this can be counted and the opposite can be understood. If all people had the same, equal wealth, then the concept of wealth itself would not exist, as an object without an opposite.
There is no person in the world for whom only wonderful events constantly fall on his head, like manna from heaven. Each of us lives in a series of events and each of us is destined for some kind of lack, pain, and experience. Another thing is that for one, the problems of another look small and funny, and the problems of a third look overwhelming and terrible, but this is just an outside view. And if we abstract from our own personal assessment, we will see that each person lives life in variables, from lack to fulfillment. And life for any person can be quite difficult.
At the most primitive level, this principle can be seen in food and water. We feel the taste of food only if we first experience hunger and work up an appetite. We enjoy the taste of water only if we feel thirsty, the desire to drink. When we are full, food no longer seems so tasty. When we have overeaten and sit with a full belly, the most best food will be disgusting and unpleasant to us. In order to again enjoy food, all the overflows of its taste, you need to wait until hunger appears.
But food is a primitive, one might say, animal example. If we talk about all other aspects of life, then our desires, when filled, increase. He described this feature very colorfully human psyche Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin in "The Tale of the Goldfish". Desire increases and is not always fulfilled on time - from this the feeling of lack grows, we are crushed by the weight of our life.
In fact, this is precisely why our world is developing. This is why we travel in cars and can send a telescope to Pluto and photograph it. The desires of mankind began with the smallest values: to eat, not to freeze, to preserve offspring and to get a little entertainment. Today, the realization of these desires has reached incredible proportions, but after this, according to the principle of pulsation, our desires have also increased. We are suffering and suffering very much. Humanity has never experienced greater shortages than our generation. In an age of industrial abundance, the most various entertainments, the development of medicine and technology, we all individually suffer incredibly.
How to start living normally?
First, you need to realize that the very fact of the existence of a feeling of heaviness in life is not a problem, but a spurring element that was created for our development. All shortages, all problems, all tragedies that happen in our lives are created for only one reason - so that we develop. And so that, having reached the goal, they can feel the joy of fulfillment.
The problem is not that life is hard, but that we don’t see where to go, how to get to the opposite state. This happens because this very opposite state is often not obvious, but hidden. For example, everyone knows the feeling of fear - unpleasant, driving you crazy. What is its opposite? At first glance, this is the absence of fear. Hundreds of thousands of people around the world are looking for a recipe “how to stop being afraid? How to eliminate fear from your life?” But this is a mistake. In fact, the opposite of fear is not the absence of it, but the feeling of compassion and love.
When we feel fear, we suffer. Having ceased to feel fear, we will be like an empty jar, not feeling anything. And only by transforming fear into compassion and love can we be filled with happiness and joy.
Through thorns to the stars
Surprisingly, life can truly feel like pure happiness. But not when we don't have any problems. But only if we can see in the trials, in the hardships of life that befall our fate, pointers to our own development.
It happens that life is hard for us, but these nine rules will help you overcome difficult times and gain lost interest to life.
John Lennon famously sang in his song "Beautiful Boy": "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." And in fact, most often life does not turn out the way we imagine it. It seems that everything is going well, but suddenly panic sets in and life becomes difficult. It seems to you that everything around you is capsizing. Thought about beautiful life starts to disappear, and for many of us, with every breath, life takes on new complex tasks, and eventually we stop evading the never-ending succession of melancholy.
You may have to face frequent obstacles in life. But these obstacles make your life difficult, but I want to see life as a wonderful journey. How?
You should remember the following nine rules if life becomes difficult.
If you believe and work at it, anything is possible.
Life is short.
Failures are the basis of success.
Keep this quote in your head that Michael Jordan said: There are no shortcuts to success.
Avoid constant comparison with others.
You may find that your salary is much less than others. Your friend always gets best ratings than you. Your sister is more beautiful than you. We always make such comparisons and make life difficult for ourselves. We often make comparisons with people who are at the top of success, for example, comparing our guitar playing skills to Eric Clapton's and wondering why we have a hard time living. But it’s one thing to be and set a goal for yourself. And it’s a completely different thing to constantly compare yourself with other people and feel inferior, believing that life is difficult for you. Life is a journey, not a destination.
Don't worry about what others think.
Nothing lasts forever.
You may think that life is hard for you and life has failed, but if you... keep the faith and work hard at it, you are destined for success. Yours dreams can be quite big and you may feel like you'll never do it because it's so hard. What's the point of always whining and fearing that things won't go well if you haven't even started? If you work hard, you will definitely move forward. If things don't seem to be going the way they should and life has become difficult, remember what Christopher Reeve told us:
“If you choose hope, anything is possible.”
Stevie Wonder said:
“Time is long, but life is short.”
Life is too short to achieve everything we ever wanted. Every time life becomes difficult, remember this and you will help yourself in many ways in life. You can't achieve absolutely everything , and that's okay. But there is no point in worrying too much about the slightest problems that appear in such a short life. Constant worry about this and excessive analysis of events in this short life will not help you and your life will always be difficult.
“I have failed in my life over and over and over again. And that’s why I was successful.”
You shouldn't achieve success in everything at once. Most often, a person is doomed to fail on his first attempt. Don’t be heartbroken and don’t give up everything, thinking that life has become difficult. Although you were not successful, you nevertheless learned the specifics of what you were going for. So work harder next time. And you will definitely reach the finish line.
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and with regret at closed door that we don’t notice how another one opens up for us.”
These are the words that Alexander Graham Bell said, thereby depicting how most of us think when something goes wrong and it became difficult to live and breathe. Keeping this in mind will help you if anything in life goes in the wrong direction. We will never achieve everything we want in life, and sometimes, something that is gone is gone unexpectedly and forever. But this does not mean that life has become difficult. There's no point in doing own life unhappy. Remember every time new door. The best that is in life, and accept the beauty of life again open door, and life will become much easier.
One of common features, due to which it's hard for us to live, is that we want to achieve a lot and in a very limited time. But believe me, this cannot be the case. You may have heard about this or even read books like “Learn to Play Guitar in a Week” or “Master Spanish in three days." But you may have already experienced this, these things don't work. The fact that they are helping you acquire some skill or knowledge cannot be denied, but what they are selling you by claiming that it will make you an expert in a limited time simply won't work in practice.
The same goes for life. Your most big dreams it takes a long time to achieve them, sometimes even your whole life. But even if so, don’t tell yourself that life is hard for you, just forget about building Rome in a day.
You must remember that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses , and you may not be able to reach the top, or it will take you longer. There is a lot of competition at the top, so it is better to take a realistic approach to life, improving yourself gradually with every step.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said:
“Life is a journey, not a destination.”
And this important quote to remember it if life is very difficult for us and we want a happy and prosperous life for ourselves. Many times we imagine ourselves at the end of the road, when we achieve everything. But when we try to follow the path, we don't have enough.
We constantly think about fame and prizes. Remember, honors are what others have offered you, experience is what you actually get for yourself. Thus, at every step, even the most difficult tasks will seem easy to accomplish, and you will no longer feel like it’s hard for you to live.
This common problem For most of us, we always worry about what other people think of us and that's why it's hard for us to live. It's big obstacle prevents us from fulfilling our dreams and enjoying life. We want to create a new business, but thoughts come to us: “What if it doesn’t succeed?” “How will others react when they find out about this?” and “Will it really make them happy?” You don't have to live your life pleasing others all the time. What others think of you simply doesn't matter. If you always hold yourself back with this, then life will really be difficult for you and you will never be able to and make your dreams come true.
Life is full of ups and downs. And things don't always work out as you planned. What to do when such cases arise and life becomes difficult? Remember: “Nothing lasts forever.” Even your worries and troubles. This won't help you solve the problem, but it will definitely help you move forward in the most difficult times.
Remember these nine rules every time you feel that it’s hard for you to live, and then you will be able to get out of crisis life situations much easier.
