Question to a psychologist
Hello. My name is Lera, I'm 19 years old and I'm a dreamer.
I don’t know exactly what it’s called, it seems like escapism. Throughout many years I feel a passionate need to escape reality.
For example, when I experience bright emotions, or when I’m watching a movie and some situations make me so excited that I fly away and start coming up with my own options for the development of events. I begin to develop the plot, introduce new characters and the whole action sometimes acquires independence.
Moreover, when fantasizing, I feel the need to move. For example, I turn on music and start walking around the room. Or rocking on the bed.
Sometimes, for example, while waiting in line to see a therapist, when I slip away, I start to sway and don’t immediately notice it.
I often feel a sense of déjà vu, and sometimes familiar places look like I'm seeing them for the first time. As if the world isn't real. Like my fantasies.
At some moments I seem to wake up and begin to live. I went to university to study graphic design. I like to study. I was very active in going to exhibitions, participating in competitions, meeting new people.
And then again the illusion eclipsed the world around us. I felt unbearably sad and tired. I told myself, “You need to rest.” I stopped communicating and dropped out of life for a month and a half. I only dreamed of what success I could achieve. As if I was already a successful designer, my career had reached sky-high heights and so on. It seemed to me that these thoughts could influence the world.
But this is stupidity! Why can't I like normal people step by step towards the goal?
It's like a drug: a sweet dream overshadows the world. Everyone is happy there, but not here.
I want to get rid of a bad habit. I don't know how to translate nervous excitement which covers me in peaceful course. Because it's not even inspiration. These ideas feed my vanity, my ego, I perceive the world inadequately. Any problems only spur care.
It's like a free dose that is always with me. How can I stop flying away?
Answers from psychologists
Hello Lera!
Dreaming is good. It’s creative when a dream is formed and turns into a goal, and then turns into action. But it also happens: a person has a dream that can be realized before the end of the week, but he thinks about it all his life.
But you are describing something slightly different. You even found out what it's called. In general, I have the impression that, on the one hand, this is for you I like the condition, with another-- You understand that it's like a drug. Of course, what contributes to the development of this situation is that you creative person. But this could also give vent to your dreams: where, if not in art, to realize yourself?
But there is another approach. Imagine that you have settled in a village where the water is in a well, the stove needs to be heated, the clothes need to be rinsed in the river, etc. Would you have time or energy left, let alone indulge in daydreaming? Most likely not. So the recipe can be very simple - physical work. If you really want to solve this problem.
It’s also worth thinking: why are you replacing, for example, “live” communication with the world of dreams? And do you have enough of this communication? There is another way - to volunteer at an orphanage, where children are waiting to talk to them, communicate with them, tell them a fairy tale. In general, some kind of “living” thing.
Every person has dreams: some dream of their own apartment, some of a promotion at work, and some of trip around the world. Sometimes a dream becomes a goal that a person strives for, and often remains just a dream that is pleasant to think about. The situation is completely different if a person begins to live fruitless dreams and lose touch with real life. In this article we will look at the pros and cons of dreams, and also give advice on how not to dream and start achieving something in reality, and not in the world of dreams.
Determine the nature of your dream
Naturally, each of us, at least occasionally, indulges in some dreams that seem impossible at a given time. It would seem, then why think about them? But there are dreams that can be made into reality if you strive hard for it.
Therefore, it is very important to soberly assess how possible it is to realize your dream and what your capabilities are to realize it. If you feel the necessary potential in yourself and know what to do, then you should not give up on such dreams.
However, in situations where you realize the complete unreality of what you want and see no way to achieve it, you should try to avoid constantly thinking about such dreams. Otherwise, you risk being “imprisoned” in an illusory world where everything happens the way you want. But no one has yet canceled reality and you have to put up with it.
Often too rich imagination and the unwillingness to accept reality as it is leads people to serious mental disorders. Therefore, give up those transcendental dreams that will not lead you to any positive results: “The only noble dream is the one that carries creation within itself.”
Embrace the real world and love it
If you do not know how to appreciate the advantages of your real life, then even the fulfillment of your dreams will not bring you the expected satisfaction. As a rule, people who begin to live in their fantasies are not able to perceive their implementation due to habit.
They get used to pleasant dreams, but if they suddenly discover that they have become reality, they either refuse to believe in such a fact, or are simply disappointed in their former dream. From a psychological point of view, this is due to the large gap between fantasies and real world person. Dreams are always too ideal to become reality.
Many people even admit that they are afraid of realizing their deepest desires: in such a case a dream ceases to be a dream and a person has to look for new dreams.
If you are interested in how not to dream and learn to live real life, try to notice in it not only the harsh gray routine, but also the small daily joys. In a word, look for a reason for happiness, at least in the fact that you woke up on a sunny morning and you have a family, friends, work - something that many who dream of being in your place do not have. Be content with what you have and you can get much more.
Set goals
And finally, it is much easier to achieve something by following real goals and striving for their implementation. To do this, simply make a list of what you would like to achieve in the near future. Before each point write possible ways and options for achieving the goal. This will help you realistically assess the situation without relying on illusions.
As your list fills with checkmarks, your self-confidence will increase as you complete each item. You will feel strong and successful in reality, and not in your dreams. Believe me, this will bring you much more satisfaction and joy than fruitless dreams.
In addition, it is very likely that it is then that you will find the strength to bring your old ideas to life. cherished desires, which will no longer seem like just fantasies, but quite feasible goals.
Dreams are what make a person’s life better, richer, more interesting. There is nothing wrong with them, because it is in dreams that a person imagines what he wants to achieve in life, and only after that he begins to realize his idea. On the scale of human history, until quite recently, human flight across the sky, travel into space, the ability to communicate while in different places on the planet, at great distances from each other, seemed like a dream, and only in the last century these dreams were realized by scientists and engineers. However, dreams also have reverse side. Some people become so deeply immersed in their own dream world that they become unable to make their dreams come true. In this case, we can say that dreams become harmful; a person needs to think about how to stop dreaming.
If you lie on the couch all the time and indulge in thoughts about how good it would be to have a huge fortune, without doing anything for it, the chances that money will appear to you on its own are negligible. In the same way, you are unlikely to become if, instead of working out in the gym, you just spin in front of the mirror, dreaming about ideal figure. In the first case, a carefully worked out business plan and absolute compliance with it in your work will help you realize your dream. The second involves a properly selected diet and a set of exercises necessary to correct your figure. Only when you begin to make efforts and patience to make your dream come true can you expect that your goal will be achieved.
For what reason do our dreams and fantasies never come true and come true? This may occur due to the fact that the fantasy is too divorced from reality, or due to the dreamer’s lack of confidence in his own abilities.
For example, you work for low paid job and you don't have your own home. Your life's dream is a luxurious mansion on Atlantic coast. Can this dream be considered feasible, taking into account the fact that even if you save all the money you earn throughout your life, it will still not be enough to purchase a plot of land and build a house? Most likely you will decide that your goal is unattainable. However, who is stopping you from changing yourself, your way of thinking, finding yourself new job, which will be paid decently, or even open your own business? Any dream can become a reality if you constantly do something to achieve it.
For those who are wondering about how to stop dreaming and start realizing their fantasies, can I advise you to think about what they are ready to do to get what they want right now? Don’t delay the start of your actions; start moving towards your goal right now. Do something every day that will bring your dream at least one step closer to you. Constantly ask yourself the question of what you have already done to make your dream come true, and how close you have come to it at present.
When setting a goal for yourself, dreaming about something, try to do it in such a way that your dreams are as specific as possible. For example, if you are not satisfied with your figure and you want to get rid of a few extra pounds, then you must clearly tell yourself exactly how many kilograms or centimeters are extra for you. You also must, in accordance with which you will move towards your goal. IN in this example you must decide what your diet will be, what physical exercise you will perform and to what extent, etc. When the plan is ready, start implementing it, and you yourself can see that your dream is quite real and achievable.
If achieving your dream is very difficult, then break it down into several more simple tasks, the implementation of which is within your power. By achieving these goals one by one, you will begin to believe in own strength and the reality of your ideas.
If you are a dreamy person, then your frequent absence “in this world” causes many problems: necessary things are not done, desires do not materialize, life seems to stand still. Imagination is, of course, good, but how to make it so that you both dream and do it?
There is a way out. Here are a few simple solutions, which will help you “ground yourself.”
Eat with pleasure
Delicious, satisfying food is grounding. To stop having your head in the clouds, you need to feel the pleasure of food. Thus, your attention switches to the earthly, dense - and now you are thinking concretely, tangibly, to the point.
Move
Shift the emphasis from the head to the body. When your blood is raging, you have no time for dreams. Vigorous cleaning, a pleasant walk in the park, swimming in a river or pool - everything will help you to be transported to “this” world.
Set yourself a specific goal and deadline
We dream when we have a lot of free time and nothing to strive for. No, in our heads, of course, we draw pictures of a wonderful future, but we don’t take action, because we simply devote time to the very process of dreaming. Come up with a goal for yourself, divide the period of achievement into several stages and act. You will see how there will be no trace left of ethereal dreams: they will be replaced with something very concrete.
Find something to admire
The fact is that we need external incentives to come down to earth. Beautiful colors, rich colors, amazing landscapes - all this will concentrate you on life here and now. You must understand that life is not a dream, but a reality. More precisely, these are those dreams and ideas that became reality thanks to your efforts or simply as a gift from nature, people, from everything that surrounds you.
Having a dream and being a dreamer are two things different states mind. Dreamers simply go with the flow of life without real plans. Anyone who has a dream acts towards achieving his goal.
When you decide to come down from heaven, overcome the obstacles that stand in your way and organize a plan of action, you become a doer. If you're ready to get started, here are 9 steps to stop dreaming and start taking action:
Take responsibility for your actions
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."— Arthur Ashe.
One of the most frustrating things is listening to someone constantly complain about their life. Especially when they blame the world for their problems. Perhaps the whole universe is against you, does not care about you and is deceiving you. But your actions or lack thereof are not her fault. Say this statement out loud: “I control my actions and choose how I respond to circumstances.” Say this every day. Nothing is truer than this statement.
You can and should start being active and emotional. Learn to control your anger when you are angry. When it slips into your head negative thought, immediately push it back. This will take practice because we have been programmed by our environment to behave and think in a certain way. Fight to change your negative thinking, or you will remain a bitter and unhappy person. Use your aggression for good, or use it in your work.
Give and receive love and forgiveness
“Learn to fill your day with POSITIVITY. Think about how your ideas CAN work, not how they can't."— Steve Harvey.
After you have curbed your inner ability control your thoughts and emotions, it's time to start focusing on the positive. The best way to start is to accept and forgive people who have hurt you. Loving and forgiving is no longer about giving something to someone, but about receiving - you heal by letting go negative relationships. If these people truly love and care about you, they will fight for you. If you leave and never hear from them again, then they don't care about you, so why should you? Your resentments cause you to focus on people who are not worthy of your time and attention. Anger makes you feel depressed, deceived, sad, sad and lonely. Learn to truly forgive those who have offended you and you will take tons of weight off your shoulders. You will free your mind and be able to start working towards your dreams.
Accept yourself
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”— Eleanor Roosevelt
Now that you're focused on living positively, it's time to look in the mirror and love what you see. Physically and mentally. . Don't let anyone dictate how to live your life. This will only lead to a boring, predictable, miserable and mediocre life. Do what makes you happy, don't just dream about it. Love everything about yourself, including your flaws.
Choose your surroundings wisely
“We met not by chance, You are either a blessing or a lesson.”
This path will end many relationships in your life. People who don't support you, who take advantage of you and are negative should leave! At first, you may feel lonely and insecure. If you focus on yourself and not on them, these feelings will go away. It's time to move on. Time to let go. Those who truly love and respect you, who accept you for who you are, will stay. They will support you throughout your journey. Your relationship with them will become more valuable to you than it ever was. If you give your all in a relationship and they don't give anything back, stop running after them the next time they leave. You will thank yourself for this in the future.
Learn to ignore negativity from other people
“I don’t know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.”-Bill Cosby
Since you have set out on your path, there will always be people who will try in every possible way to pull you off it. Therefore, before starting, you must complete the steps described above. If you are prepared for the attacks of the haters, you can rise above. It is easier to criticize others than to work on yourself. Knowing this gives you a sense of peace about where you and where they are in life. It's obvious that you are taller, even if others don't think so. Keep moving and let them say what they want.
Make your plans carefully
“Failure is not the opposite of success, but inaction.”— Royce Liano
Freeing your mind from emotional confinement gives you space to focus on your dreams. Now that you have a clear understanding, it's time to take action. As a doer, you need a game plan. Write down your ultimate goals at the top of a sheet of paper. Below, write down the steps you plan to take to get there in an organized, realistic manner. Let's say your goal is to become a nurse. Your possible first step is to volunteer at your local hospital to see if it's something you really enjoy. Next, you can make a list of schools that you can apply to. The third step is to collect necessary documents for admission to the respective colleges. See what you got? The sum of all the small actions you take equals your goal. Write them down in your list of daily, weekly, monthly tasks, and get closer to your dream.
Do ANYTHING, ANYTHING
“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to look for it.”— Henry David Thoreau
Many people get to step 6 and stop. Your plan won't come true on its own. magically. To get results later, you need to do something today. So start exploring, traveling, volunteering, writing, calling, asking, developing, or jumping on any opportunity that will help you get ahead. You may have to take complex solutions in order to ultimately reach the goal. Start with what you can, do your best, that's where it starts.
Accept failure and detours
“I didn’t suffer defeats. I just found 10,000 ways that don't work."— Thomas Edison
We've all had epic failures in life. It's time to stop looking at these failures as the end of everything. Failure is an integral part of success. Ask anyone very successful person, has he had any defeats, and he will tell you that he has had hundreds of them. Failure just means trying another way. Start looking at failures as positive experiences. How can we learn without making mistakes? An error is the result of an attempt. People who avoid failure in everything lead mediocre lives. We're not like that. We long for true happiness and inner peace. I remember in the past, I would go to work with trepidation and fear. Now, thinking about work, I feel calm and happy. It's still hard work. But now it's a job I'm passionate about.
When you set out on the path to achieving your dreams, be prepared that along the way, it may change a little, or change a lot. Your passion is already programmed within you. Unleash your potential and talent through this process and keep moving forward no matter what you receive.
Use social connections and resources
“Opportunities don't happen. It is you who create them.”-Chris Grosser
Sooner or later, you will realize that you need others to help you get to your goal. Do you get information and experience from them or recognition for your talent. Browse good informative websites, attend courses or lectures where you can learn and interact with other people. Put your pride aside and promote yourself, your work and/or knowledge without shyness. Take seriously everything you find and anyone who helps you. Opening one door can lead to many more opportunities.
Start with the first step. Don't stop halfway. If you follow these 9 steps from dreamer to doer, you will overcome your fears and take a leap of faith. Congratulations, now your life will begin for real. Please note that this will be hard and at times not fun. Stay focused, but don't forget to take time to clear your mind and relax. I hope you are now feeling inspired to step out of your comfort zone and take a chance on happiness.
“Dreams seem to float down a lazy river. The path to success is like riding a roller coaster. Find the courage to get on this roller coaster and keep going until you feel sick.”—Margot Daughtry.
