Hello dear Olesya! My name is Elena. In principle, my situation is not so confusing at first glance, but I’m already tired of running in circles... so I’m asking for your advice.
Two years ago I got married. At first everything was more or less normal (at least more stable than now). For the first six months we lived separately in my apartment, then it started... I want to clarify, my husband is four years younger than me. I’m 28, he’s 24. So, I got pregnant six months later and, naturally, I stopped going out with my husband, so to speak. Well, I don’t particularly like these festivities anyway, and noisy companies, and when I became pregnant... I began to get more tired, since I had been working for up to 7 months. And my husband started walking... without me.
Almost every day, and he came home in the morning and made me some strange scandals. And I waited and cried all night and didn’t understand how you could do this to your pregnant wife. After all, we got married for love. I was waiting for him from the army, everything was fine. I lived like hell for 2 months. It got to the point that I began to be afraid of his morning or night visits and constant showdowns.
When he slept off, he asked for forgiveness. He said that he didn’t know how he could behave like that. That I was with friends and couldn’t leave them to come home on time. At the same time, he says that he loves me and cannot live without me. But it seems to me that these are empty words, a person who loves will never act like that.
As a result, after 2 months I packed my things and moved to my mother, he moved to his parents. We lived separately for a month, then we reconciled and he came to live with his mother and me. It didn’t last long; he again began to lead a riotous lifestyle. At first, he seemed ashamed of his mother, he came at 12-1 at night, and sometimes at 5. In general, this chaos continues to this day, our son is almost a year old. Last time We broke up and didn’t live for 3 months, but now we got back together. But it seems to me that our life is only getting worse. He continues to walk, although less often. Once a week he consistently arrives late and drunk. Yes, and he drinks beer almost every day, arguing that he loves beer, just think, it’s not vodka.
And I’m already exhausted to the limit. I’m afraid when he leaves, I’m afraid when he comes (it’s not clear what type and in what mood he will come). He blames me, says that I find fault with everything. That he doesn’t do anything terrible, just think he goes out with friends sometimes!!! (2.3 times a week he leaves for 4-5 hours, and once a week he is gone until 2-3 am).
I would like to ask for advice, my case is probably hopeless and I took off my rose-colored glasses a long time ago. I don’t believe his words that if we lived separately, he wouldn’t leave me alone at home with the child. But this is not true, my mother used to leave for a month, it was the same. I sat alone with my son, and he walked. In fact, I understand that it is better for us to separate, get a divorce, and give him his freedom. But the child is very drawn to him.
It seems to me that I lost myself somewhere between these constant quarrels, breakups, and desperate expectations. I’m not me anymore, I’m nervous, freaking out, calling him 10 times. I don’t want this, I can’t, this is not how I imagined our family (((. I keep thinking that I’m ruining 3 lives. I still don’t know what to do. Maybe I can find the right words. But, on the other hand, I need to save my child from his always drunk dad. So that his subconscious is healthy, and he doesn’t think that it’s right to live like this when he grows up. I’d really like to hear an outside view, because it’s impossible to live like that.
Answer from theSolution psychologist:
There is a high probability that your husband suffers from alcoholism.
It is advisable for him to consult a psychiatrist with a specialization in addiction medicine. It is advisable for you to understand that alcoholism is a psychiatric disease requiring special treatment. On your own, your husband cannot stop drinking and living a riotous lifestyle. The reason for this is a defect in the emotional-volitional sphere, typical of alcoholics. The stage of alcoholism can be determined by a psychiatrist-narcologist. The diagnosis is made by the sum of clinical signs. Good tutorial on etiology, pathogenesis and Let's proceed from how to think and act in the event of a confirmed diagnosis.
The prospects for living with an alcoholic are bleak.
You are already in a codependent relationship: you control an adult man, call him, beg him to come to his senses. Yours emotional state varies depending on the amount your husband drinks. You don't receive love and attention. Moreover, your relationship cannot even be called emotionally safe. He creates scandals for you according to the Karpman triangle scheme. At night you listen to ridiculous claims and suffer in the role of the Victim, and in the morning he puts up with you and saves your marriage until the evening. Relationships are unpredictable, emotionally unstable, and you are constantly on edge due to emotional swings. More about the psychopathological scheme similar relationships can be read in Eric Berne's book “Games People Play” - the game “Alcoholic”. Please note that these are psychological manipulation games for life. You can also read other subvariants of the psychological manipulative game “Alcoholic” described by Steiner - “Drunk” and “Drunkard”.
It is impossible to create a happy relationship with an alcoholic; no one has ever succeeded.
Please read Nella Pributkovskaya’s book about patterns of unhappy relationships. The more often you help an alcoholic, the more you play along with him in the implementation of his subconscious life script. The alcoholic has already made an early negative subconscious decision not to live. The personality of an alcoholic is a personality suffering destructive narcissism. This is a form when a person is selfish and destroys both himself and the lives of his loved ones.
The best thing you can do for your child is to leave his alcoholic father.
You won’t ruin your child’s life at all if you build a correct pattern of your baby’s emotional attachment. Children living in families of drinking parents do not receive full personality development. They are always in fear of the state in which their father (or mother suffering from alcoholism) will come. They develop neurosis, and then it is more difficult for them to realize themselves in life because of higher level anxiety. They really end up with a lot of things they don't need. psychological problems. Children of an alcoholic often copy the behavior pattern of their drinking parents; this is an experience that your son does not need at all.
14/10/09
For some reason I'm not surprised by the preponderance of the red column on this topic. Unlike many online resources, forums and social networks, it seems to me that LH is more to the liking of people who are more withdrawn than the “souls of companies”, because you can simply write about everything and nothing, without adhering to the topic, which is usually inherent in most forums - a specific activity and can remotely characterize the temperament. But I don’t like noisy and, especially, large companies because of their uninformative emptiness - and the fun in them is somehow crumpled, communal, divided among everyone. And sitcom laughter. In addition to noise, in the subject there is something between recklessness and collective neurosis. Unpleasant.
Lamia1112, 05/06/10
I am an introvert and feel comfortable in the company of 2-3 people I know well (including me). If there are more than three, then for me this is already a big company. I just don’t like talking about anything and laugh stupidly just to laugh and hang out. When I find myself in a big company, I become a gray mouse. That’s why I don’t go to clubs and discos, although for a 17-year-old girl this is at least strange.
Andromeda888, 19/08/10
I don’t like it... Even big ones and not noisy, even noisy ones and not big ones... None. I invite the closest people to my birthday party, usually there are 5-6 people. I feel like on my next birthday I will actually be alone... I tried to “fit in”, tried to please, but nothing worked. Even people close to me in worldview don’t accept me - that’s how it is. And none behavioral strategies don't help. And when I throw them away and start behaving naturally, it only gets worse. In such companies I am usually on the outskirts, although I strive to be the center of attention. If the latter fails, I simply withdraw into my shell. I feel discomfort in large companies, as if someone is pouring something into my stomach. huge amount warm oil. Therefore, I decided to refuse them, even rock festivals and the like. For what? If they don’t understand me and don’t accept me, and I’m not interested in myself? The best thing to do is sit quietly in the park with a close friend...
ZaRish, 30/09/10
In the company of family and friends, it’s easy and simple for me to communicate, if only because they know me and how to behave with me... In the company of strangers, it’s like being in a foreign country, you don’t always understand what they’re talking about, what they like what to say to them. Especially when there are so many of these people at holidays, concerts, meetings...
Stee Country, 29/10/10
I’m in a group and I can’t say a word to more than one person - but here they are big, noisy. I can’t manage the superficial communication that is used at such gatherings. And when I try to imitate others, I feel like a complete fool. And I immediately shut up. But there is a huge plus here - you can find some secluded corner and watch others. Oh, how I love this business =) The main thing is to remain unnoticed. Otherwise it will be inconvenient))
Anime metal, 26/05/11
I love peace and quiet, I hate stupid children's jokes and I don't like hanging out with strangers... Because of this, I don't like noisy companies. I have nothing against 2-3 friends and family... And so...
Mikhail LMV, 29/04/12
I only like to communicate with one or two people. And I rarely go to companies where there are 5-10 people or more, but I haven’t seen anything fun there, and I’ve never felt like the soul of the company. I told him something, but no one listened to me. At first I thought that I was so boring, but then I found out that no one there usually hears each other - everyone just stupidly chats and laughs as if they are uncomfortable. Therefore, if I get there again, I’ll try to look for 1 interesting person there and communicate only with him. If nothing works out, I’ll decide that no one needs me in this company anyway and I’ll move further and further away from the crowd. First I will patrol the area around them, and then I will go on my way for a walk alone. Let them have fun themselves.
Kate McFly, 31/05/12
I immediately want to go somewhere far away. To be honest, I don’t even like it when I plan to go for a walk with a friend, but someone else will definitely go for a walk with us. Again, such a test... I have to do my best to show that I do not feel any inconvenience.
savage81, 17/06/12
I HATE!!! I'm not at ease in them
Woman from the North, 17/06/12
I don’t like losing myself out of control, and when you find yourself in a noisy company, this often happens. Stupid, “herd” actions, nonsense instead of normal words, time slips through your fingers, you don’t know what will happen next... And something from the outside observes and asks: “Aren’t you ashamed to behave so pitifully, to discuss some kind of nonsense, trust complete strangers? In general, I try to avoid such companies. Even after communicating with family and loved ones, emptiness arises.
little skeptic, 17/06/12
I don't like noise at all. In such a company, if there are a lot of people unfamiliar to me, I will most likely get lost. I will feel uncomfortable there and, accordingly, bored. For me, 2-3 good friends are enough. Now I’m at the dacha, and the same noisy group of Chechens is hanging out nearby. It’s actually not clear where there are so many of them here... Did they come from Russia? In general, Lmfao is playing throughout the whole country, screaming, uproar, wild dancing around the fire... but they seem to be having fun. Let them rest. Perhaps I would have joined them, but that’s only true when I’m in a good mood :)
Soli, 18/06/12
Not long ago I left the company and am happy. I meet several good friends in cafes, on picnics, or we just go for a walk. much more pleasant than sitting in a company where half of them are people whom I don’t even consider to be people, but I have to make a sweet and cute face...
Silvergirl, 02/02/13
Large and noisy companies are not my thing. It happened to me when I was 14 years old that I tried to find friends, to become popular. I tried to get into such companies. I laughed at the fact that it wasn’t funny, I smoked for the company. I tried to draw attention to myself. And now I think what the hell? The company was not very smart, they only talked about where they got drunk and made dirty jokes. How uncomfortable it was in this “cool company.” I’m an introvert, and in general I don’t like big companies, and even more so. Now I’m alone. But it’s better to be alone than with people like that.
sqrpshr, 02/02/13
I have nothing against companies, but on a small scale, where everyone knows everyone. With strangers, I can’t immediately adjust my behavior to their wavelength; I don’t know what to talk about with them in such situations. I stay aloof in the crowd, preferring to get lost. It depends on the character of the person, for example, mine is more inclined to communicate with a small number of people, and best of all - one on one. On the other side, external factors, such as alcohol, can temporarily change this attitude.
Waffle, 14/08/13
I feel terribly shy and terribly tired in such companies. Here is a small group of friends, this is a different matter, you can have a good time with them.
Silver Shadow, 15/08/13
I feel uncomfortable in them, no matter what company.
Achessa, 05/08/14
Oh, how hard it is for me to be in places where there is music, where there are a lot of people, my head immediately starts to hurt. I don't understand party people. I am a homebody myself, I spend all my weekends reading books. And this makes me very happy.
Unimortal, 04/07/15
For me, five people is already a crowd, and if they are also noisy... No, that’s not for me. I try not to get into large and noisy companies, and if I do, then get out as quickly as possible - under a plausible pretext or in English. Yes, I instantly get lost in such companies, and it would be very convenient if they didn’t “find” me and tug at me endlessly. As soon as I find a secluded and relatively quiet place, someone will definitely cling to me like a leaf, and let’s find out why I’m bored. Because, I just want to say, the music is too light and cheerful, and there are too many people. Melancholy...
FreedomEagle, 28/07/15
Sometimes I have to be in such companies, but it really exhausts me. Usually I just keep quiet and listen to everyone, but not everything is interesting to me. I prefer to go out with only one or two friends.
Forwе, 22/11/15
No, I am absolutely not a sociable person, and I can’t stand noise. And therefore the subject, in a sense, depresses me, and I organically cannot be among them. However, I have built my life in such a way that I don’t have to do this - relatives and friends have long come to terms with this trait, so family holidays and friendly gatherings almost always happen without my participation.
Unimortal, 23/11/15
A large, noisy company is an introvert's nightmare. It’s easier for me to swing a shovel than to “rest” like that, honestly. I love people individually and preferably at a distance, and even then not all of them, and communication in doses exceeding homeopathic ones is poison for me. I don’t know how and don’t want to make acquaintances and establish connections, out of habit I try to delve into conversations, forgetting that they are extremely superficial, and this makes my skull burst at the seams... It’s just not my thing, period. True, a large company has one advantage over a small company, but I don’t need it just as much - you can get lost in it and, with minimal risk of being drawn into any social events, wait until all this chaos is over. Or slowly move to quieter and less crowded places.
Cyrax Cyborg, 24/11/15
Well, how to say. If this company consists exclusively of those people whom I have known for a long time and well, friends, that is, then let them at least jump on their ears. At least you can understand them. And if this company consists of friends, their acquaintances and their friends, and all sorts of leftists in general, then I will have nothing to do there, they will start making noise - whoever is talking about what, and the noise of fun will only irritate.
She-WolfLonely, 07/07/17
Being an introvert, I can’t stand large crowds of people where hubbub and whinny bloom and smell. One or two is enough for me, well, as a last resort case of three a person close to me in worldview and interests. And in general, I prefer solitude over a bunch of people. Parties, noisy companies, endless hubbub and laughter, bustle - I get very tired of all this, it depresses me. It is difficult for me to maintain the topic of conversation in large companies, not to mention being the life of the party, because usually I have nothing to talk about: what interests me does not interest those around me, just as their concerns and interests are of no concern to me. There are many parties without drinking, but that doesn’t suit me. Usually they listen to me little or not at all, or even don’t notice me at all, which is for the best - more chances quietly sneak away. I love peace and tranquility more. I’d rather take a walk alone in the forest with my dog, listening to the player at the same time, or read a book at home, than go to a noisy party where no one needs me anyway.
callisto666, 07/07/17
I don’t like large crowds of people.. It’s just that I rarely come across people I’m interested in, so it’s difficult to gather them into one big company.. Although, if that happened, I’d probably be quite comfortable in such a company.. But what’s the point of gathering a big NOISY one? company? To complicate communication? Spray your attention on everyone and think if you offended anyone, instead of simply and naturally enjoying spending time with a person you like? For what? Although.. if it’s, for example, a rock concert.. Then yes, a big and noisy company will be better)
ghdaksiak, 22/08/17
I find them boring and uninteresting. It’s much more pleasant to take a walk and chat alone, a person opens up and is himself, you can get to know his inner world better.
hellish mixture, 02/04/18
I can still tolerate noisy big companies at a wedding. At least this company is “ruled” by the toastmaster in most cases. Otherwise, there will be some kind of chaos. And not really talk. Everyone usually interrupts each other. Then someone will definitely get drunk... Apparently they gather in huge groups just to go wild. It’s much more pleasant and useful for me to communicate face-to-face. And I feel much more confident this way, but in large companies I usually had to remain silent, nobody listens, they just interrupt. In short, no benefit.
Often, fans of holidays and fun do not understand those who do not like noisy feasts and avoid them. After all, these people deliberately refuse to communicate with friends and acquaintances and from positive emotions.
Reasons for negative attitudes towards large companies:
Low self-esteem
Unusual communication in a company four people has its own characteristics:
- Making a judgment to a wide circle people, a person receives a lot of comments on this topic. He should be more confident than in the company of friends. After all, it is more difficult for a large number of listeners to prove some idea. Especially if self-esteem is low.
- In order to feel comfortable and be yourself in a big company, you must have high self-esteem. Trying to meet the expectations of those present can lead to disastrous consequences. A person is morally dependent on the assessment of other people, so he is in constant voltage and strives to leave the event as soon as possible.
- An assessment of the appearance and statements of a person who finds himself in a large company has great value. In a narrow circle of close friends or acquaintances, it is much easier to behave naturally and speak out on any topic than in a company of large number people. Therefore, people with low self-esteem find it difficult to adapt to such an atmosphere.
Temperament type
In large companies, as a rule, there is an intensive exchange of information, opinions, and judgments. This all happens at a fast, dynamic pace. One person may suggest a topic for conversation, another will turn it in a different direction, a third will start talking about something of his own. In addition, several people can talk at the same time. There are constantly comments on the topic, jokes, laughter, the air is simply filled with bright and strong emotions.
However, there are people who do not enjoy such intense, emotional communication. This does not mean that they have any problems or that they have failed as individuals. They are simply tired of the constant fuss, loud conversations, heated discussions of one topic or another. These people are tuned in to thoughtful, deep, calm communication, which is not the case in large noisy companies.
Past unpleasant experience of staying in similar companies, individual characteristics related to this
Perhaps as a child a person was forced to recite poetry in front of guests or in kindergarten in front of the audience. Or maybe at school the teacher scolded him in front of the whole class, or classmates mocked him for some shortcomings. Such unpleasant memories can leave their imprints for later adult life.
Even in a friendly environment, it will seem to him that he is being mocked and not accepted. To change the situation, a person needs the sincere support of real friends whom he trusts. This is the only way to overcome old memories and established behavior patterns.
Do you always need to be “saved from loneliness”?
Maybe in some cases discomfort for a person who is in a large company, several reasons arise at once. It is necessary to consistently understand them and find the optimal solution to the problems.
On the other hand, if a person prefers to communicate only with the closest people or spend time alone due to the characteristics of his temperament, then there is no need to force him to stay in a noisy company. Some people like to spend time in bright, noisy, emotional situation, and for some in the silence of their home. These are individual character traits. Therefore, everyone chooses their own social circle and behavior in a given situation and company.
Don't be shy - video
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In the middle of the last century, Carl Gustav Jung divided people into introverts and extroverts. Today, Jonathan Chick and his fellow psychologists believe that this model far from complete. Indeed, among introverts there are both those who feel comfortable in the company of close friends and those who deliberately avoid any communication. Based on this, scientists have proposed divide introverts into 4 types, and this classification can provide answers to many questions.
We are in website got acquainted with latest research to get to know yourself better.
1st type. Social introverts
Social introverts can be sociable, laid-back and even chatty. When surrounded by close friends, you can hear jokes and boisterous laughter from them. Such introverts carefully choose their social circle and truly open up only with those they truly trust.
Based on this, scientists concluded that social introversion- this is not shyness. Such a person thinks that communication with a large number people are pumped out of energy. Therefore, he avoids noisy companies, and to recuperate, he chooses solitude or the company of those closest to him.
You can be classified as social introverts if you:
- prefer the company of several close friends rather than noisy parties;
- are sure that a person cannot have many friends;
- try to make time to be with yourself;
- choose unpopular places and routes for your vacation;
- you feel like a squeezed lemon after communicating with a lot of people;
- you can do without communication for a long time;
- you prefer to work alone - other people only distract you from work.
2nd type. "Thinking" introverts
“Thinking” introverts are difficult to be confused by a large crowd of people at a noisy party. They simply don't notice anyone around them. Such introverts can remain lost in their own thoughts for hours, assessing and analyzing your inner world.
For “thinking” introverts, fantasies are not a reason to escape from reality. They perceive the world around us through the prism of personal experiences. Empathy and developed intuition - key features of “thinking” introverts; their signature style is visible in any business. But they are not always able to work according to the instructions.
You have all the signs of a “thinking” introvert if you:
- often busy analyzing their own experiences;
- try on the characters of your favorite movie or book;
- real events have always meant less to you than your internal reaction to them;
- have a complex and rich inner life;
- are you seriously working on your personal growth;
- evaluate yourself from the outside;
- fantasize about different situations with your participation.
3rd type. Anxious introverts
Anxious introverts are those people who are looking for loneliness with all their might, because the company of other people frightens them and unbalances them. They often encounter misunderstandings from others and find themselves in awkward situations and do not immediately understand what is wanted from them.
Often, even when alone, anxious introverts may feel anxious and worry about events that happened to them in the past. At the same time, they are not against communication, but avoid contacts due to uncertainty and low self-esteem.
You may find yourself with anxious introversion if you:
- when entering a room where there are already people, you feel the appraising glances of others;
- don't you think social skills his strong point;
- you feel restless for no apparent reason;
- you often remember some unpleasant event that happened many years ago;
- you get very upset at any failure;
- you feel stressed and cannot find yourself in an unfamiliar environment for a long time;
- Even among close friends you may feel uncomfortable and alienated.
4th type. Reserved introverts
Reserved introverts are anything but loners. Just their style weigh everything and think it over carefully, and then start working or communicating. They can be compared to a motor that needs time to warm up. In the morning, they do not jump out of bed, but lie for a long time and stretch, thinking about the coming day.
They don’t see anything scary in communicating with a large number of people, but they will try with all their might to postpone this communication until the evening. It is important that events do not develop too quickly. Then they will have time to get involved and feel comfortable.
You can be classified as reserved introverts if you:
- trying to find time to relax, looking for an opportunity to relax and make everything as simple as possible;
- put forward the most reasonable and balanced proposals;
- don’t think you need to try everything in life;
- do not act on the spur of the moment or strong emotions;
- don’t like to take risks and speak without thinking;
- You often feel tired for no reason.
“Of course, like any classification, this model is very conditional,” Jonathan Chick. -You may be part social and part anxious introvert. But, knowing what features are characteristic of both, we can better predict our own and other people’s reactions and ultimately live in harmony with your nature."
Psychologists have done great job, to prove once again: even the most established ideas can be revised, because each of us is unique. Have you already determined your type?
Introverts do not need noisy companies; they relax alone or with close friends. But social events, parties and holidays with crowds of people are here to stay, and no matter how hard an introvert tries, some still have to be attended. Here are some tips to get through noisy holiday with a bunch of people and small talk and not get only negative emotions from this experience.
Know when the worst begins
Socialization is inevitable and quite normal even for introverts. Be that as it may, there are situations that will be useful for introverts, and others can be avoided without losing anything.
What you can avoid
- Weekly get-togethers at a bar or cafe. There is a total misconception that often relaxing in a bar with a large crowd of people is very fun and cool, but you can completely avoid these gatherings and find best use your energy.
- Weddings, parties and other events of people you don't know very well. For some go to a wedding best friend great-uncle is very cool and fun, but if you are an introvert, it is quite possible to avoid such fun, and no one will be offended (of course, if you do not need to accompany another introvert who will be completely miserable without you).
- Going somewhere to meet new people. If you are lonely and this no longer suits you, you need to go out somewhere with potential friends. If you decide to do this, great, because meeting in person is still better than constantly corresponding on the Internet. But if you are not ready for meetings and new acquaintances, no one is forcing you. Delay the moment for as long as necessary.
What can't be avoided
- Work events, corporate events and meetings are not included in your personal life, and you will have to communicate with employees, even if you don’t really like them. Of course, you can find a profession that does not involve communicating with people, but if you still work in a team, advance in career ladder without communication it will be almost impossible.
- Special events for close friends and family members are a must visit. Whether it's your sister's wedding, your best friend's birthday, or celebrating some significant date with relatives, you must come. Everyone has social obligations, even if sometimes they feel like a challenge.
- Your personal significant events. Of course, you can do nothing at all, not gather friends and not throw a noisy party. But it’s not a fact that your friends won’t want to arrange anything for you. If you organize the holiday yourself, at least you can control its size and format, which is a plus.
So, despite your dislike of noisy companies, there are still events that cannot be avoided. And here are a few ways to not only not get annoyed about it, but also have some fun.
Give yourself a goal
It seems that goals don’t go very well with the pleasure of a party, but if you already don’t enjoy noisy gatherings, then come up with a few quests for yourself, and you will have at least some sense in communicating.
For example, if you are going to advance your career, try to communicate with people who can help with this. If you are going to a friend's birthday, give him more attention, and if you want to diversify your social circle (or create one), choose the most attractive strangers and try to communicate with them.
A specific goal will help you clearly understand why you are in this “terrible place.” And, more importantly, it will help you stay focused.
In a noisy crowd of people, introverts are attacked by a flow of external stimuli that is too large for them, which confuses them and makes them feel unhappy. If you come up with it for yourself specific goal, your brain will be focused on doing it, and loud music, lights and conversation noise will not be so noticeable and annoying.
Have some peace before and after the party
Why do extroverts love noisy gatherings and parties so much? Because they are recharged by communication with other people and a continuous flow of external stimuli. Introverts, on the contrary, restore energy in solitude, but waste it in society.
Before you spend your energy on communication and new acquaintances, you must first acquire it. Before the event, try to stay alone for a while and do some favorite things: read a book, listen to music, or watch an episode of your favorite TV series.
After the party, also try to make time for your favorite activities to replenish your energy, and don't plan any social events the next day. If you can't avoid it, try to leave the party early so you can have a few quiet hours before bed.
This will not only help you relax and recover, but will also allow you to change your attitude towards noisy gatherings and parties. After all, if you come home from an event without the usual depression and fatigue, then you will more likely you will wait for the next such event, and not be afraid of it.
Find a place to relax
Let's say you were filled with energy before the party, but this does not mean that your strength will definitely be enough for the entire event. Therefore, as soon as you arrive at the venue, find a “safe haven” for yourself where you can hide and rest if necessary. This could be the kitchen, bathroom, balcony or even your car.
A few minutes alone can help you take a break from the external stimuli that affect introverts so much.
It's even easier if you're on . Here you don’t have to look for a place to relax, but arrange one for yourself. For example, make a balcony or bedroom a special place for introverts, where you and people with a similar behavioral type can take a break.
Explore a new social space with the help of friends
Not all introverts are shy, but this personality type is often combined with some communication problems, especially with new people. If you can't just meet someone, friends can help.
For example, let an extroverted friend start a dialogue with a new person, and then you join the conversation. Or in another way: you can start a conversation with a friend, and then involve strangers in your discussion.
Ask a stranger who approaches you or someone who is listening to your conversation what they think about it. This way you can talk about a topic that interests you, which is much more comfortable for an introvert than small talk about nothing.
It's a good idea to have a few outgoing extroverted friends. As a rule, they do not sit in one place for a long time, constantly communicating with one group of people, but move from one company to another, making new acquaintances.
You can always use this to chat with new people or get away from those you don't like. For example, you realize that you are stuck with a person who is unpleasant to you. Just say that you need to chat with friend X. Go away, look for him, communicate with him and, at the same time, with everyone who is near him at that time.
Accept small talk as part of life
You are unlikely to be able to meet new people without simple conversations. It is clear that you can talk for hours on topics that interest you, but most people will say that it is boring.
Small talk brings people together enough distant friend from a friend: who you work for, where you live, who you know, what you think about some event, and so on. All this has to be discussed before you move on to topics that are more interesting to you.
No universal remedy, which will help you have such conversations well, but you will have to agree with their necessity. Remember two things that will help you approach these conversations more easily:
- People are interested in you. It may seem to you that the interlocutors do not care who you are or what you do, but they are asking out of politeness. Sometimes this happens, but not always. More often than not, people are really interested when they are interested in your work or hobbies, especially if you have something in common.
- You get what you give. You will get out of the party what you put into it. You may have to work hard to force yourself to meet new people, but in the end you will be surprised how many new people you meet and pleasant impressions you will get from it. And if someone doesn't want to talk to you, it's not your fault. You did everything you could.
Unless you think you've already met all the interesting people in the world and their company will last you the rest of your life, it's still worth meeting someone else.
Surely you will come across at least one interesting person. The most important thing is that this person also wants you to find him, and small talk is just a way to meet and realize that you like each other.
Come up with an escape plan
If your energy reserves are rapidly running low and you feel like you need to get out urgently, forcing yourself to communicate further is not the most pleasant experience.
However, this may well happen if, for example, you arrived in the same car with your friends. If it's your car, you can't leave without taking them. If it doesn't turn out to be friendly, you'll ruin their fun and, most likely, your relationship.
If it's a friend's car, it's also not very pleasant. So it’s better to figure out in advance how you will get home so that you can do it any time you want.
Moreover, it is not a fact that you will leave the party before everyone else, but having this opportunity, you will feel more confident.
That's all we can advise introverts about parties. Do you have your own ways to feel more comfortable at noisy events?
