Signs of high self-esteem in men. Can self-esteem be too high? To determine self-esteem,

Today we will talk about how they differ high and low personal self-esteem. After reading this article, you will find out what it is personality self-esteem, why it is needed, what main functions it performs, what are the main signs and causes of low and high self-esteem, and many other interesting and useful information on this topic. We will need all this in order to consider in the next article how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. So, first things first.

What is personal self-esteem?

Let's start with a definition. Self-esteem is a person’s opinion about himself, about self, its advantages and disadvantages, about your physical capabilities and spiritual qualities, about one’s abilities and skills, about one’s appearance, comparing oneself with other people, imagining oneself against the background of others.

IN modern world adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are one of the key factors in any business.

If a person does not have self-confidence, he will not be able to convince his interlocutor of something, he will not be able to lead other people, therefore, in general, it will be much more difficult for him to follow the intended path.

Personal self-esteem plays a huge role in human development and achievement. Without adequate self-esteem, a person is unlikely to achieve success in business, build a career, or be happy in life. personal life, will generally achieve something.

Functions of self-esteem.

Psychologists identify 3 main functions of personality self-esteem:

1. Protective function. Personal self-esteem forms the degree of a person’s independence from other people’s opinions, and self-confidence makes it possible to feel relatively protected from the influence of any external unfavorable factors.
2. Regulatory function. Self-esteem gives a person the opportunity to make choices and regulate his life path: to independently set and follow his own goals, and not someone else’s.
3. Developmental function. Thanks to self-esteem, a person develops and improves, since it acts as a kind of motivating factor for.

Low, high and inflated self-esteem.

You can often hear such expressions as “adequate self-esteem”, “low or low self-esteem”, “ high self-esteem”, “inflated self-esteem”. Let's figure out what they mean in simple words.

Low self-esteem (low self-esteem)- this is giving yourself, your personality, lower ratings and characteristics than they really are.

Inflated self-esteem- This is the perception of one’s own personality at a higher level compared to reality.

Respectively, adequate, ideal, high self-esteem- this is the most objective and realistic assessment of one’s own personality, perceiving it as it is: no better and no worse.

Both low and high self-esteem prevent a person from developing, but this manifests itself in different ways. In fact, there are very few people with adequate, high (but not inflated!) self-esteem. Numerous studies by psychologists have proven that most often people have low self-esteem, which is one of the most serious reasons for their life failures. Including, in relation to the theme of the site Financial Genius - and low level. Therefore, it is very important for people who have low self-esteem to think about increasing their self-esteem, and not just think about it, but begin to act in this direction.

Signs of low self-esteem.

Since it is always difficult for a person to evaluate himself objectively, let's look at characteristic features, which indicate that he has low self-esteem.

• Constant dissatisfaction with yourself, your work, family, life in general;
• Constant self-criticism and soul-searching;
• Increased sensitivity to criticism and comments from other people, strong reaction to criticism;
• Strong dependence on the opinions of others;
• The desire to act in accordance with common stereotypes, the search for approval from others, the desire to please everyone, the desire to justify one’s actions to others;
• Indecisiveness, fear of making mistakes, severe frustration and feelings after making a mistake;
• A strong feeling of jealousy, especially without reason;
• A strong feeling of envy of the successes, achievements, and lives of other people;
• Constant grievances, incl. over trifles;
• Dissatisfaction with your appearance;
• Hostile attitude towards the surrounding world (everyone around is an enemy);
• Constant feeling of fear and defensive position;
• A pronounced pessimistic attitude.

The more of these signs you find in yourself, the more you should think about how to increase your self-esteem and gain self-confidence.

Problems and difficulties arise in the life of absolutely any person, but the difference in their perception is important. A person with low self-esteem perceives all temporary problems as permanent, as his “hard fate,” and therefore is always negative and pessimistic. As a result, all this can even cause serious mental disorders. While a person with adequate self-esteem strives to overcome emerging difficulties and does everything possible for this.

Why do you need high self-esteem?

Now let's look again at why adequate, high self-esteem is so important. Many people have a stereotypical opinion that high self-esteem is bad, that you need to “know your place and sit and keep a low profile.” And such a belief, by the way, is also one of the signs of low self-esteem.

In fact, low self-esteem of an individual gives rise to a lot of problems, causes the development of complexes and even mental disorders, and most importantly, it greatly hinders a person’s development and movement forward. Simply because he is not confident that he can pass any certain steps. Such people “go with the flow,” and the main thing for them is that no one bothers them.

High self-esteem, on the contrary, opens the way to achievements, to new heights, new areas of activity.

There is another important point: if a person has low self-esteem, other people will never rate him highly (and this, as you remember, is important for him!). While a person with high self-esteem is always known and respected, his opinion is valued and listened to.

People will begin to appreciate and respect you only when you have adequate high self-esteem and self-confidence. Believe in yourself and then others will believe in you!

Signs of high self-esteem.

Now, by analogy, let's highlight the main signs that you have high self-esteem, you were able to raise it, or it was like that (in this case, you are great!).

• You are always confident in yourself, your strengths and capabilities;
• You accept yourself as you are;
• You are not afraid to make mistakes, you learn from them, perceive them as experience, and move on;
• You are calm when you are criticized, you distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism;
• You easily make contact and find common language With different people, do not be afraid of communication;
• You always have own point views on any issues;
• You strive for self-development and self-improvement;
• You tend to achieve success in your endeavors.

Causes of low self-esteem.

To talk about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence, it is also necessary to know the causes of low self-esteem, since eliminating the cause is more effective than dealing with the consequences. Interestingly, these reasons may be the most of different nature, ranging from genetic predisposition to social environment, the conditions in which a person grows and develops. Let's look at them.

Reason 1. Wrong upbringing. Parents raised many people only with the “whip”, constantly scolding, comparing not in better side with other children. Naturally, such a child develops low self-esteem from childhood: he cannot do anything, he is bad, he is a loser, others are better.

Reason 2. A series of failures or psychological trauma. It happens that a person often has failures, and especially when there are many of them, and they come in succession, he begins to perceive this as a pattern, his own weakness, his own powerlessness. Or it could be one thing, but very significant event, which psychologists call “psychological trauma.” This is especially pronounced, again, in children and adolescents (namely in early age self-esteem is primarily formed). Accordingly, a person develops low self-esteem: he cannot be confident in himself and “programs” himself in advance for failure.

Reason 3. Lack of life goals. A very serious cause of low self-esteem. If a person does not have clearly expressed ones, he has nothing to strive for, there is no need to develop. Such a person leads a passive lifestyle, without developing his personal qualities. He doesn’t dream, doesn’t care about his appearance or his well-being, and such a person often has not just low self-esteem, but non-existent self-esteem.

Reason 4. Environment and social environment. The formation of a person’s self-esteem is greatly influenced by the environment in which a person is located. If he grows and develops among amorphous people without goals, floating with the flow, he himself will most likely be the same, low self-esteem is guaranteed. But if he is surrounded by ambitious, constantly developing and successful people, which are good example to follow, a person will strive to keep up with them, and he is more likely to develop adequate, high self-esteem.

Reason 5. Problems with appearance or health. And finally, another significant reason for low self-esteem is the presence of certain defects in appearance or visible problems with health ( overweight, poor vision, etc.). Again, with early years Such people may be subject to ridicule and insults, so they often develop low self-esteem, which interferes throughout their adult lives.

Now you have certain idea about what personal self-esteem is, how low and high self-esteem differ, what their signs and causes are. And in the next article we will talk about how to raise your self-esteem if it is low.

Stay tuned! See you again at !

Hello, dear friends!

Have you ever encountered people suffering from narcissism syndrome? Or maybe you have noticed similar manifestations in yourself? Then today’s article will be very useful for those individuals who are trying to overcome reverse effect inferiority complex.

Inflated self-esteem is a categorical overestimation of one’s own merits and potential. A person who has such a piquant sense of self has a distorted and overly inflated idea of ​​himself, which is expressed in behavior.

Are there any advantages to such a behavioral norm of self-expression? Yes, high self-esteem can act as an engine that stimulates the inexhaustible development of self-esteem and strength.

But in fact, people in this category experience strong dissatisfaction with both personal and professional qualities. As a rule, they have difficulty building relationships with opponents due to the fact that they cannot adequately perceive and pay attention to other individuals.

Reasons

Why is this happening? The reason lies in the fact that a person who clearly expresses his merits often sins by excessively embellishing his abilities.

They want to appear better than they really are, and this leads to the fact that the most base and arrogant side of their soul comes out in a distorted form.

People with high self-esteem love to praise themselves, ascribing to themselves simple merits, which unfortunately have no evidence. The presentation of one's superpowers can sometimes reach the point of being aggressive or even intrusive.

In addition, a person can literally and intentionally allow himself to speak about the skills of other people in a negative way, focusing on the fact that only he has the right to talk about merit.

Such a demonstration of achievements is caused by the desire to assert oneself at the expense of others. The individual is manically determined to prove to the whole world that the truth is on his side and that he is the best person ever born. And at the same moment he makes it very clear that the rest of the people are no match for him! In a word - slaves!

How is the desire to prove superiority born?

Before thinking about how terrifying the consequences may be, the science of psychology recommends understanding the cause of the syndrome “ I'm the best!».

The “star” or Lord of Rus' complex is most often formed back in early childhood and most likely in a child who grows up as the only child in the family. He has a feeling of being the king of the atmosphere. Because he constantly has unlimited attention, freed from competition between his brother or sister.

This happens because all the interests of the family are focused on his beloved. Adults perceive any actions of the child with joy and immense tenderness, putting the idea of ​​an unhealthy trait in their head. Growing up, such a person still strives to find beliefs that the whole world revolves around him.

In truth, excessive self-confidence is still the same thing, but from the other side and in profile. Not a small reason lies in too low self-esteem. And self-confidence plays a role in this case protective barrier and bunker.

But there are other mechanisms that can provoke an attack. So:

• childhood fears, complexes or (the desire to prove to loved ones and others that he is not an empty place);
• working conditions: the only man in a team or an employee who has succeeded in the effectiveness of his work (one-time, like a flash);
• publicity, especially sudden;
• tendency to be influenced we're talking about about participation in the movement to increase self-esteem, development, etc.)

How to recognize the symptoms?

Identifying the owner of an inflated Ego is quite simple. This is because the manifestation of the “illness” is always typical and monotonous. People with high self-esteem are too similar to each other in their favorite narcissism.

If you hear phrases like: “ I'm the most successful», « only I can know this», « I'm smarter than everyone else", etc., then be sure that in front of you is “Narcissus vulgaris.”

But in order to try to solve the problem of getting rid of it, you need to understand the signs of a tricky disease for further correction of behavior and worldview. So you can observe:

How to overcome self-confidence and return it to normal?

1. Situation analysis

Conduct a systematic analysis of failures and strive to identify those “culpable” for what happened. Every time the desire to blame someone else begins to outweigh, try to evaluate your own contribution to what happened.

2. Communications and communities

In relationships with people, you should adhere to the “golden mean”. This means that you should not attribute a level of insignificance to yourself, but there is also no need to demonstrate jumping above the heads of others. Avoid criticizing colleagues, people you know or don’t know. Reduce the level of personal importance and try to hear your interlocutor.

Ask more questions, take an interest in their life, successes, and present your own as needed and appropriate. Learn to give compliments and admit failures. After all, we are all people, not automatons.

3. Work on yourself

In order to evaluate your skills and abilities as objectively as possible, I recommend that you write down your strengths and areas for development on a piece of paper.

Having analyzed your own pros and cons, carefully and with the help critical thinking study each point. It may happen that their importance will be exaggerated.

4. Meeting the reflection of yourself

Carl Jung argued that the most important meeting in our life it is a meeting with ourselves. Until you openly and honestly look at yourself, the situation will not change. As a result, you will live your days in an imaginary and illusory world, offending people.

A person with high self-esteem fears such a meeting most of all. After all, to accomplish your plans you need a reserve of courage and determination. Maybe it's time to open your eyes to inner world, and not on external tinsel and opinions?

Be sure to subscribe to blog updates and recommend it to your friends to read. Please advise other ways to get rid of it in the comments!

See you on the blog, bye-bye!

In my practice, I constantly come across questions that clients ask me: “Why do people treat me this way, what’s wrong with my self-esteem?” First, let's figure out what self-esteem is in principle. This is an assessment of yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. Self-esteem is:

• Underestimated - underestimated own strength;
• Overestimated – overestimation of one’s own strengths;
• Normal – adequate assessment of oneself, one’s own strengths in certain life situations, in setting your goals and objectives, adequate perception world, in communication with people.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

2. Inability to drive own life. A person believes that he cannot cope with something, cannot make a decision, hesitates, thinks that nothing depends on him in this life, but depends on circumstances, other people, the state. Doubting his capabilities and strengths, he either does nothing at all or shifts the responsibility for choice to others.

3. Tendency to blame others or self-flagellation. Such people do not know how to take responsibility for their lives. When it is beneficial for them, they engage in self-flagellation so that they will be pitied. And if they don’t want pity, but self-justification, then they blame others for everything.

4. The desire to be good, to please, to be liked, to adapt to another person to the detriment of oneself and one’s personal desires.

5. Frequent complaints to others. Some people with low self-esteem tend to complain about others and constantly blame them, thereby removing responsibility for failures from themselves. It’s not for nothing that they say that best protection- this is an attack.

6 . Focusing on your shortcomings rather than your strengths. In particular, being overly critical of one’s own appearance. A sign of low self-esteem is pickiness about your appearance, constant dissatisfaction with your figure, eye color, height and body in general.

7. Permanent nervousness, groundless aggression. And vice versa - apathy and depressive states from loss of oneself, the meaning of life, a failure, criticism from the outside, a failed exam (interview), etc.

8. Loneliness or vice versa – fear of loneliness. Quarrels in relationships, excessive jealousy, as a result of the thought: “You can’t love someone like me.”

9. The development of addictions and addictions as a way of temporarily escaping reality.

10. Strong dependence on the opinions of other people. Inability to refuse. Painful reaction to criticism. Absence/suppression of one's own desires.

11. Closedness, closedness from people. Feeling sorry for yourself. Inability to accept compliments. Persistent state victims. As they say, the victim will always find an executioner.

12. Heightened sense of guilt. Critical situations he tries on himself, without sharing his guilt and the role of the current circumstances. He accepts any showdown in relation to himself as the culprit of the situation, because this will be the “best” confirmation of his inferiority.

How does high self-esteem manifest itself?

2. Closedness as one of the manifestations of arrogance and a reflection of the thought that others are lower than him in status, intelligence and other qualities.

3. Confidence in one's own rightness and constant proof of this is the “salt” of life. The last word must always remain with him. The desire to control the situation, to play a dominant role. Everything should be done as he sees fit, those around him should dance to his tune.

4. Setting lofty goals. If they are not achieved, frustration sets in. A person suffers, falls into depression, apathy, and despises himself.

5. Inability to admit your mistakes, apologize, ask for forgiveness, lose. Fear of evaluation.

6. Painful reaction to criticism.

7. Fear of making a mistake, appearing weak, defenseless, unsure of yourself.

8. The inability to ask for help is a reflection of the fear of appearing defenseless. If he asks for help, it is more like a demand, an order.

9. Focus only on yourself. Puts own interests and hobbies come first.
The desire to teach the lives of others, to “poke” them into the mistakes they have made and show them how to do it by the example of oneself. Self-affirmation at the expense of others. Boastfulness. Excessive familiarity.

10. Arrogance.

11. Predominance of the pronoun “I” in speech. In conversations he says more than he does. Interrupts interlocutors.

For what reasons can failures in self-esteem occur?

Oedipal period. Age from 3 to 6-7 years. At an unconscious level, the child acts out a partnership with his parent of the opposite sex. And the way the parent behaves will affect the child’s self-esteem and how he or she will develop a relationship scenario with the opposite sex in the future.

Adolescence. Age 13 to 17-18 years. A teenager searches for himself, trying on masks and roles, building his life path. He tries to find himself by asking the question: “Who am I?”

Certain attitudes towards children from significant adults(lack of affection, love, attention), as a result of which children may begin to feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, unrecognized, etc.

Some patterns of parental behavior, which subsequently passes on to children and becomes their behavior in life. For example, low self-esteem among the parents themselves, when these same projections are imposed on the child.

The only child in the family when all attention is focused on him, everything is only for him, when there is an inadequate assessment by parents of his abilities. This is where high self-esteem comes from, when a child cannot adequately assess his strengths and abilities. He begins to believe that the whole world is only for him, everyone owes him, there is an emphasis only on himself, the cultivation of egoism.

Low assessment by parents and relatives of the child, his abilities and actions. The child is not yet able to evaluate himself and forms an opinion about himself based on the assessment of people significant to him (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.). As a result, the child develops low self-esteem.

Constant criticism of the child leads to low self-esteem, low self-esteem and closedness. In the absence of approval of creative endeavors and admiration for them, the child feels unrecognized for his abilities. If this is followed by constant criticism and scolding, then he refuses to create, create, and therefore develop anything.

Excessive demands on the child can foster both high and low self-esteem. Often parents want to see their child the way they would like to see themselves. They impose their destiny on it, building on it projections of their goals that they could not achieve themselves. But beyond this, parents stop seeing the child as a person, beginning to see only their projections, roughly speaking, of themselves, their ideal selves. The child is sure: “For my parents to love me, I must be the way they want me to be.” He forgets about his present self and can either successfully or unsuccessfully meet parental demands.

Comparison with other good children lowers self-esteem. Conversely, the desire to please parents inflates self-esteem in pursuit and competition with others. Then other children are not friends, but rivals, and I must be better than others.

Overprotection, excessive taking of responsibility for the child in making decisions for him, right down to who to be friends with, what to wear, when and what to do. As a result, the child ceases to develop the Self; he does not know what he wants, does not know who he is, does not understand his needs, abilities, desires. Thus, parents cultivate lack of independence in him and, as a result, low self-esteem(to the point of losing the meaning of life).

The desire to be like a parent, which can be either natural or forced, when the child is constantly told: “Your parents have achieved so much, you must be like them, you have no right to fall flat on your face.” There is a fear of slipping up, making a mistake, or not being perfect, as a result of which self-esteem may be low and initiative may be completely killed.

Above I have given some of the common reasons why problems with self-esteem arise. It is worth adding that the line between the two “poles” of self-esteem can be quite thin. For example, overestimating oneself may be a compensatory and protective function of underestimating one’s strengths and capabilities.

As you can already understand, most problems in adult life stem from childhood. The child’s behavior, his attitude towards himself and the attitude towards him from surrounding peers and adults build certain strategies in life. Children's behavior carries over into adult life with all its defense mechanisms.

Ultimately, entire life scenarios of adulthood are built. And this happens so organically and imperceptibly for ourselves that we do not always understand why certain situations happen to us, why people behave this way with us. We feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, we feel that we are not valued, it hurts and hurts us, we suffer. This all manifests itself in relationships with loved ones, colleagues and superiors, the opposite sex, and society as a whole.

It is logical that both low and high self-esteem are not the norm. Such states cannot truly make you happy man. Therefore, something needs to be done about the current situation. If you yourself feel that it’s time to change something, that you would like something in your life to become different, then the time has come.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

2. Make a list of the things that bring you pleasure. If possible, start performing them for yourself. By doing this, you will cultivate love and care for yourself.

3. Make a list of your desires and goals and move in this direction. Playing sports gives you tone, lifts your spirits, and allows you to take quality care of your body, which you are so dissatisfied with. At the same time there is a release negative emotions, which were accumulated and did not have the opportunity to exit. And, of course, you will have objectively less time and energy for self-flagellation.

4. Keeping an achievement diary can also boost your self-esteem. If every time you write down your biggest and smallest victories in it.

5. Make a list of qualities that you would like to develop in yourself. Develop them with the help of various techniques and meditations, of which there are now plenty both on the Internet and offline.

6. Communicate more with those whom you admire, who understand you, and from communication with whom “wings grow.” At the same time, minimize contacts with those who criticize, humiliate, etc. to the maximum possible level.

Scheme of working with inflated self-esteem

2. Learn not only to listen, but also to hear people. After all, something is also important to them, they have their own desires and dreams.

3. When caring for others, do it based on their needs, and not on what you think is right. For example, you came to a cafe, your interlocutor wants coffee, but you think that tea would be healthier. Don't force your tastes and opinions on him.

4. Allow yourself to make mistakes and mistakes. This provides real ground for self-improvement and valuable experience with which people become wiser and stronger.

5. Stop arguing with others and proving that you are right. You may not know it yet, but in many situations, everyone can be right in their own way.

6. Don't get depressed if you couldn't achieve the desired result. It’s better to analyze the situation to see why it happened, what you did wrong, what was the reason for the failure.
Learn adequate self-criticism (of yourself, your actions, decisions).

7. Stop competing with others on every issue. Sometimes it looks extremely stupid.
Stick out your merits as little as possible, thereby underestimating others. The objective merits of a person do not need to be clearly demonstrated - they are seen through actions.

There is one law that helps me a lot in life and in working with clients:

Be. Do. Have

“To have” is a goal, a desire, a dream. This is the result you want to see in your life.

“Doing” means strategies, tasks, behavior, actions. These are the actions that lead to the desired result.

“Be” is your sense of yourself. Who are you inside yourself, for real, and not for others? Who do you feel like?

In my practice, I like to work with the “being of a person,” with what happens inside him. Then “to do” and “to have” will come by themselves, organically forming into the picture that a person wants to see, into the life that satisfies him and allows him to feel happy. Where work more efficiently with cause, not effect. Elimination of the root of the problem, what creates and attracts such problems, rather than relief current state, allows you to really improve the situation.

In addition, the problem is not always and not everyone is aware of; it can sit deep in the unconscious. Working in this way is necessary in order to return a person to himself, to his unique values ​​and resources, his strength, his own life path and understanding of this path. Without this, self-realization in society and in the family is impossible. For this reason, I believe that the optimal way for a person to interact with himself is “being” therapy, not “doing”. This is not only effective, but also the safest, shortest path.

You were given two options: “do” and “be”, and everyone has the right to choose which way to go. Find a way to yourself. Not what society dictates to you, but to yourself - unique, real, holistic. How you will do this, I don’t know. But I am sure that you will find a way that will be better in your case. I have found this in personal therapy and have used it successfully in certain areas. therapeutic techniques rapid change and transformation of personality. Thanks to this, I found myself, my path, my calling.

Good luck in your endeavors!

Sincerely, psychologist-consultant
Drazhevskaya Irina

We hear it often. Many articles describe why it is important to increase self-confidence and how uncertainty threatens us.

However, the question is, why is high self-esteem dangerous for a person? After all, if we overestimate our strengths and are too confident that we can do everything, then won’t this become the cause of severe disappointment? Read on about this and much more.

• Reasons
• Is this good or bad?
• How to deal with narcissism

How to determine whether it is overestimated or not?

As already mentioned, inflated self-esteem is a person’s overestimation of his strengths and capabilities. At the same time, a person thinks that he is better than he really is. It is impossible to admit that there are shortcomings in this case.

From the outside, it is seen as follows: a person behaves self-confidently, does not listen to anyone’s advice, and considers himself right in any case. In general, the behavior of a typical Narcissist from myths.

Signs:

1. Excessive self-confidence. Usually has no objective reasons;
2. Ignoring other people's opinions, especially if they do not coincide with the person's opinion. It is also worth noting that attention is not paid to the feelings of people around;
3. Selfishness. Seeing only your goals;
4. Lack of skills to apologize or admit one’s own wrongs;
5. Competition with others. And it happens on an ongoing basis;
6. The conversation is based only on a discussion of a person’s merits, thoughts and feelings. The experiences and thoughts of those around him are not interesting to him;
7. Criticism from others is considered a sign of disrespect.

And one more distinguishing feature- the desire to always be the first in everything.

Such a person will never be satisfied with an honorable second place, and the saying “The main thing is not victory, but participation” is also not about such a person. All activities are aimed at becoming a winner and proving to others that he is the best.

It is worth paying attention to the fact that if it is not possible to achieve the desired recognition, a deep depressive state may occur.

Reasons

The reasons for the development of inadequate assessment of one’s capabilities and strengths include:

• Inferiority complex. No matter how strange it may sound, this is the most common reason. The point is that a person can for a long time suffer from self-doubt. But at one moment a decision may come to stop it.

Through willpower, insecurity is hidden behind arrogance and selfishness. And this interesting thing arises defensive reaction. But a person is unlikely to admit to you that he does not feel confident;

• Features of education. For example, if parents praise the child too often and inappropriately, then he gets used to the fact that he is special and does everything right. And to convince a person that sometimes he can be wrong in this case is almost impossible.

So it turns out that a child’s high self-esteem smoothly flows into adulthood. Therefore, if you notice that your baby is developing too big ego, then it is worth paying more attention to establishing boundaries of behavior and praising only to the point;

• Working conditions. For example, if a good specialist finds himself in an atmosphere where there are no more workers with his specialization (that is, there is no competition), then development is possible overconfidence in one's own strength;
• Fame. This applies more to public people. After all, if every day you are interviewed or photographed for fashion magazines, how to resist and not become too self-confident. That's why they say that not everyone can pass the test of fame.

Is this good or bad?

Each manifestation of our psyche has pros and cons. As for the too high level of self-esteem in one’s abilities, then plus May be:

• Sufficient level of confidence required to achieve your goal. After all, sometimes we lack faith in our own strength to take that single, decisive step forward, express our opinion or defend what is important to us.

But an individual with too much high level certainty such problems simply cannot arise;

• Achieving success faster is possible. After all, you are so confident in yourself that the option of failure is not even considered. And in some cases, a positive attitude is already half the battle.

Now, as for cons:

• Not accepted in society. Think about how long others will tolerate you if you always treat them with disdain;
• Difficulty forming friendships and romantic relationships. It follows from the previous point. If people cannot tolerate a narcissist, then they are unlikely to want to get close to him;
• Failures. If we do not pay attention to circumstances, but only follow our ambitions, then we risk ending up with nothing.

As you can see, there are more minuses than pluses. In addition, you can achieve success or protect your rights by having adequate self-esteem.

How to deal with narcissism

If, after reading the material provided earlier, you realized that this is all similar to you, then do not panic. It is possible to combat such negative manifestations of character.

To do this, try to remember a few rules:

• Evaluate only your real deeds. Remember that wanting something more is good, but this does not mean that you already have this more simply because you wanted it.

Therefore, each step you take in the direction of your dream should be considered both from the pros (what you did and received as a result) and from the cons (what you haven’t done yet, but will definitely do next time);

• Another person's luck is not a challenge for you. Try to perceive someone's success as self-development and a good example. However, this does not mean at all that you need to go out of your way to outrun a more successful acquaintance;
• Review your list of close friends and admit to yourself which of them praise you just like that. Flattery in in this case only inflates self-conceit and hides the real state of affairs.

Therefore, try to communicate more with people who can tell you the truth, no matter how bitter it may be;

• Admit to yourself your shortcomings. Don't perceive them as something unworthy. Remember that shortcomings are given to us so that we develop along the path of overcoming them;
• Compromise is not an admission of failure. Rather, it is an acknowledgment that other people may have different opinions and you are willing to hear them.

Remind yourself of these truisms needed every day. And if over time you notice that the situation has not changed for the better, then I recommend seeking advice from a psychologist.

Perhaps the reason is in the deep attitudes of the subconscious and, by resorting to the help of a professional, you can get rid of them faster and more effectively.

How to Deal with People with High Self-Esteem

The main thing here is to understand whether you are ready to accept them as they are. If so, then in moments of particular interpersonal tension, remind yourself that inside, under all this arrogance, most often lies uncertainty and fear of being left with nothing.

And if possible, it is worth paying the “narcissist’s” attention to how others perceive him. However, this must be done in a gentle manner, without pressure.

But you shouldn’t try to deliberately lower a person’s self-esteem by pointing out his shortcomings. This may cause or worsen psychological trauma, which will be quite difficult to get rid of later.

So, today we talked about what it is increased self-esteem, what it can lead to, what to do with it and how to communicate with a person who is too confident in his strengths and capabilities.

I hope that the material was useful and interesting for you. And we still have a lot of new things ahead.

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I was with you, practicing psychologist Maria Dubynina

Self-esteem is a component of self-awareness. A person evaluates himself, his place among others, and abilities. It can be adequate, average, overestimated, underestimated and low. Its level, according to , is primarily influenced by family education. The level of self-esteem is not formed from birth. It is influenced by upbringing and the character of the parents. Inflated self-esteem is a person’s overestimation of their potential. It is often said about such people that they are out of touch with reality. Low self-esteem is characterized by a negative attitude towards oneself. Such a person pays increased attention shortcomings, while own merits knows little.

Adequate self-esteem and level of aspirations

Self-esteem forms the individual's self-awareness. It consists of two components:

1. Cognitive. It reflects the information a person has received about himself;
2. Emotional. The component expresses the individual’s attitude towards himself (character, habits).

US psychologist W. James created the following formula: Self-esteem = Success / Level of aspirations.

Let's consider how the level of aspirations and success affect self-esteem. The level of aspirations is characterized by the desired level of self-esteem of an individual. This is the level that a person wants to achieve. It concerns , . Success is the result achieved by an individual. An increase in the indicator will occur through an increase in the result of actions or a decrease in the level of claims.

An adequate level is the ability to objective assessment yourself and your abilities. A person has an adequate understanding of his place in society, accepts his feelings and character traits, his pros and cons.

Nathaniel Branden - famous psychotherapist believes that healthy self-esteem gives inner stability and confidence, without which it is impossible to cope with life's challenges. He gives in his book "Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" six practices for developing healthy, adequate self-esteem.

Low level of self-esteem

Signs of low self-esteem appear at any period of life, but the inclinations are formed in childhood. This problem occurs frequently in society and interferes with the normal existence of a person. A person with low self-esteem doubts his attractiveness and capabilities, and is afraid of causing laughter and rejection from people. Strong resentment and envy often manifest themselves. A person risks not realizing his potential due to indecisiveness and shyness.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

Signs of low self-esteem are as follows:

• Negative phrases in speech. “Maybe”, “hardly”, “not sure”. A person may not realize how often he says these words, but they indicate his attitude towards life;
• Frequent Bad mood. A person often thinks about his shortcomings, criticizes the country and the people around him, hiding a bad mood behind cynicism;
• Perfectionism. It manifests itself in excessive attention to appearance, the desire to be better than others in everything;
• Loneliness. Fear of new acquaintances, avoidance of communication;
• Fear of risks. Even if a person is offered a promotion at work, he may refuse due to fear of not living up to expectations;
• Guilt. A person with low self-esteem can take the blame on himself, apologizing to everyone, even if the situation concerns him indirectly;
• Low initiative. In a dispute, a person will not prove a point of view, and will give the assigned task to someone else at the first opportunity.

A person with a low level is prone to loneliness

If almost every one of them listed signs low self-esteem can be seen in behavior, you should think about active actions to solve the problem.

How low self-esteem affects our lives

With low self-esteem, an individual does not appreciate his efforts and talents. He will agree to less greater potential. Such a person is often surrounded by people who criticize him, and he does not stop communicating with them. No attempts will be made to improve the quality of life, since there is no . A person believes that he deserves such a life.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

To get promoted you need:

1. Reveal. Positive affirmations, if they are not true, are not always beneficial. It is better to define attitudes that emphasize actual character traits. Do not underestimate reliability, tact, responsibility, even if it seems that these qualities are less recognized in society than the ability to easily find a common language. It is important to accept your own sides of personality and learn to appreciate them;
2. Try not to allow self-criticism. All people react negatively to failure and humiliation. But an individual with low self-esteem will significantly exaggerate the situation. You should imagine that the failure happened not to you, but to a friend. You need to write him a letter to cheer him up and console him. Try to show kindness, care, empathy. Then describe the event based only on facts, without emotions. You need to understand that a person with an underestimation of himself may react incorrectly to the facial expressions of others, accidentally heard snatches of phrases that are not relevant to the matter. He often interprets even words about himself incorrectly. You should try to analyze unpleasant situation as dry as possible;
3. Take action. Affirmations and visualization will not help increase self-worth without . Should start with not very difficult task. It is important that if you fail there are no serious consequences. To begin with, it is worth collecting as much information as possible about solution methods and forming an action plan. Then calmly and step by step begin solving the problem.

Inflated self-esteem

Inflated self-esteem is a person’s overestimation of their capabilities. It has its pros and cons. Positive side– individual’s confidence, which helps to achieve success. Negative aspects– excessive selfishness, disdain for the opinions of other people, overestimation of one’s strengths. If failures occur, a person may fall into. Therefore, even with the advantages of such self-awareness, it cannot be considered useful.

Main signs of high self-esteem

Inflated self-esteem manifests itself quite monotonously. The individual considers himself superior to others. Sometimes people themselves overestimate it, which causes pride that will remain even after the moment of glory.

Signs of high self-esteem:

• Confidence in one’s rightness even in the presence of arguments contradicting it;
• With each or discussion a person leaves last word behind you;
• The opinions of other people are not recognized at all;
• In case of failure, the blame is shifted to society and the current situation;
• Such an individual does not know how to apologize;
• A person always competes with others, strives to surpass them;
• The point of view is expressed constantly, even in the absence of an expressed desire to listen to it;
• The word “I” is heard from him very often in any dispute;
• Criticism is not accepted, indifference to the opinions of others is shown;
• It is necessary to remain perfect, not make mistakes;
• Any failure knocks a person out of his previous rhythm; irritation is felt when things don’t work out;
• An individual takes on complex cases, but probable risks are not taken into account;
• Fear of showing weakness, uncertainty;
• One’s own interests are valued above others, selfishness is expressed in one’s character;
• Tendency to educate people and interfere in their affairs;
• The person often interrupts, does not know how to listen, prefers to talk more himself;
• There is arrogance in his tone, requests are presented in the form of an order;
• If it is not possible to be the first in any matter, the individual falls into depressive state.

When identifying signs of high self-esteem in childhood, it is important for parents to avoid excessive praise

The impact of high self-esteem on your life

Inside, people with high self-esteem are usually dissatisfied with themselves and feel lonely. Relationships in society are difficult, as people do not approve of arrogant behavior. In some cases, aggression is visible in actions. The reaction to criticism is very painful. With any failures, depression can develop, so correction of inflated self-esteem is necessary.

How to deal with high self-esteem?

1. Accept any opinion of people. An outsider can see the situation more objectively;
2. When listening to criticism, avoid quarrels and aggression;
3. If unsuccessful, it should be analyzed own behavior, and not look for reasons in the environment;
4. Praise should be perceived critically, to understand its sincerity, deservedness and correspondence to reality;
5. Compare yourself with people who have achieved more success;
6. Determine your capabilities before taking the initiative;
7. Accept negative aspects character, do not consider them not as significant as others;
8. Become a little more self-critical, as this quality has a positive effect on development;
9. After completing the case, analyze whether it could have been done better and what was missing;
10. Perceive the assessment of others, and not just your own;
11. Accept the wishes and feelings of others, realize their importance.

Many people are interested in the question of how to communicate with a person with high self-esteem. Such people definitely need to be put in their place. At first it is better to do this delicately, then you can directly ask why he considers himself better than others.

You should not accept attempts at humiliation from such people. They are not very happy as they have to play an arrogant role out of fear of being themselves.

Self-esteem and health

People with low levels suffer from a deficiency positive emotions, so they have less energy and strength. Such a person often restrains his activity, so the energy does not come out.

Because of constant stress the individual loses their appetite or has eating problems, which affects their weight. These people are often manipulated, as a result of which they develop a depressive state. Avoiding responsibility leads to limitations physical activity, which negatively affects the condition of the lungs and joints. Inflated self-esteem also negatively affects, since in case of failure the individual often develops depression, which leads to other problems.

It is important to have adequate self-esteem. Any deviation from the norm negatively affects not only relationships with others and self-realization, but also health.