I see the loss too. Strong need to be alone

The feeling of being lost overtakes every person in different periods life. It seems that you fall out of life for some period, as if you don’t know what is happening, and in general what planet we are all from.

• Failures in your personal life

A girl often sees family and children as the meaning of her life. Having reached a certain age, she feels the need to get married and give birth. It happens that you have to wait longer than you would like. And if your girlfriends got married before you, then it becomes completely sad and even envious. Such a girl feels as if inferior. “Why is everyone lucky, they were chosen, but I wasn’t? “I feel lost and worthless,” she thinks.

• Career problems

A person may feel lost in the event of a career decline or job loss. Due to professional unsettlement, a loss of strength, a kind of depression, and loss of interest in life may occur. This usually applies to men, since they are to a greater extent interested in career than women.

• Losing purpose in life

The feeling of being lost also occurs when a person loses the goal he was striving for. Perhaps, having achieved it, he gets what he wanted. Then he discovers that there is nothing left to move towards.

• Unhappy love

Also the reason may be unrequited love, or breaking up with a loved one. When you need someone who is almost or completely indifferent to you. In such a situation, a person seems to see no way out. What to do with your feeling? After all, you can’t order your heart. Just wait for it to go away on its own. And at this time, the state of uncertainty and loss takes its toll.
If the reason remains unclear to you, you cannot understand why you feel lost, then perhaps everything is not as scary as it seems.

How to overcome the feeling of being lost?

What happens when a person loses himself and the meaning of life? First of all, there is a loss of interest in any active work. Or simply the loss of the main activity.

First of all, find yourself interesting activity. Come up with something that can distract you from the drabness of everyday life and your inner experiences. New look activities will definitely distract and captivate you. If you were before office worker and lost your place, try yourself as a manager active sales. You will come to your clients yourself. And the walls of the office will be replaced by city landscapes. Surely this will lift your mood and make you forget about bad thoughts.

Have a conversation with yourself. It is very useful to write down your thoughts. You can have yourself personal diary. Describe your feelings. Then read it out loud. Talking through your problems can help you understand and accept them. When you speak out loud and read your thoughts, it’s as if you are looking at them from the outside. So you can give objective assessment everything that is happening to you at the moment.

I feel lost

Why do I feel lost?

If there is real problems, and there are several of them, then they should be solved, of course, in order of importance. It happens that everything comes at once and there is no way out, a person is lost. Stop and decide for yourself which problem is of greatest importance. What needs to be done first, and what can wait at least a little longer. Doing several things at once, filling your head with a bunch of questions, you are unlikely to find answers to everything at once. You are just rushing around, wasting your energy on useless actions when you could direct it into the right direction. Systematic problem solving will lead you to success. And it will help you gain confidence.
And remember that there are probably people who are ready to help you in your difficult situation. Don't be shy or afraid to ask for help. Perhaps all you need is a little. For example, nice evening in the company of old friends. When you see that your loved ones are happy about your presence and are happy to communicate with you, you will feel in demand and the right person. This could give you back good mood and give impetus to resolving your internal problems. The feeling of being lost will soon leave you.

In any case, don't despair. There is a way out of any, even the most difficult situation.

Temporary feeling - lost
Every person has moments in life when he feels lost. This can happen in any area: work, relationships, home or everywhere at the same time! You have stopped focusing on own life and you don’t see any prospects - as if you were thrown out of a boat during a storm - there is nothing to lean on, nothing to grab onto, life is given over to the elements...

Feeling lost is a temporary feeling that simply means you have reached some kind of turning point. Yes, this is a difficult time - you don’t want anything, it’s unclear what’s happening and where to move next. In today's article we will analyze the reasons for being lost, find out how to get out of of this state and again take the helm of your life!

Find pleasure in the little things. Be patient.

We often feel lost when something big and serious has gone wrong. Perhaps a relationship broke up or we didn't get the job we wanted. In such moments, try to find joy in the little things that make our lives better. Admire the beauty of the setting sun, enjoy the taste of morning coffee or the smell of flowers in a nearby park. We want to have the whole world, right here and right now, we set goals, set deadlines for achieving them and are disappointed when something goes wrong. Of course, your zeal and perseverance deserve respect, but be patient - there are certain things that may take longer than you expected. It is impossible to predict all the moments and unforeseen circumstances that may arise on the way to your dream!

Feeling lost often comes from stopping doing something we really enjoyed. It's time to get back to what we loved. Remember what made your heart beat faster, which made you look forward to the next weekend? Rediscover forgotten hobbies, stop making excuses about lack of time. Have you heard the following saying: “Those who want, look for opportunities, those who don’t want, look for reasons!”
Try to sit down at least once and make a list of things to do for today, or better yet, for a week. It’s good if you schedule these things in time, indicating what needs to be done and when.
and write down all your dreams and goals. Remind yourself where you were going and what you were striving for before the bustle of life pulled you in. Get back on track again - write small steps or subgoals, which, when completed, will ultimately lead you to the realization of your main dream.
When the feeling of being lost sets in, it feels like you have no control over anything anymore. But this is just a state of your mind, which often has nothing to do with the surrounding reality!

The feeling of being lost cannot come out of nowhere; everything has its own reasons. Analyze your thoughts, filter out the negative ones and don’t let them enter your mind again. If something or someone leads you astray, steals peace of mind and faith in your strength, say goodbye to him and move on!

Ask for help

We often forget that we can ask others for help, and sometimes we consciously do not want to do this, so as not to feel weak and vulnerable. But at one point or another in life, every person needs help and every person deserves help. There may be people around you who have already been in a similar situation, so why not ask their advice?

I’m 25 years old, it seems to me that I’ve been lost in life for 7 years now and I can’t find myself, from the outside everything is going well for me, I have education, work, family, income, but I don’t see the point, I studied for 5 years where I don’t like , now I’m not happy with my job, the same situation is repeating itself, every day I force myself to go to work, deliberately in a negative mood. I don’t know what I want. I’m afraid of everything, most importantly I’m afraid of people, I’m afraid to go to a beauty salon, although I want to become beautiful, I’m afraid to go into a store and buy something for myself (I only go when my husband comes with me), I look completely unkempt, but there is an opportunity, I’m afraid to go out late down the street, I’m afraid to be left alone at home, if I’ve been sitting at home all day, I’m afraid to go outside. I'm afraid to give birth to a child, etc. I react to all comments with tears. I was promoted at work, now I’m afraid of letting everyone down, the responsibility is huge, it seems to me that I’m not ready for it yet, but I have to. I always want to go to my parents, I dream about my family, school, the time when I was happy and carefree, I don’t know what to do, I want to leave the city to my parents, but when I come to us I understand that everything is no longer the same as before and again I can't find myself. I don’t have any friends, sometimes I want to talk to someone, but I only have my husband, he’s wonderful, but he doesn’t understand me. I don’t have time to do anything at home, I don’t clean, I rarely cook, after work I want to come and go to bed, most often I do that, I don’t take care of myself and my husband at all, he irons and tidies the house himself. I don't know how long it will last. I don’t know how to figure everything out and what to do to make everything change.

Hello, Yana! From your letter it seemed to me that the main problems for you are uncertainty and fear and they seem to feed each other. Fear arises from uncertainty, and when it arises, it increases uncertainty even more. It turns out to be a kind of snowball - the more uncertainty, the more terrible, and this makes the uncertainty even stronger... Although everything is not entirely bad - you managed to start a family, get an education and even career growth, it means there is still strength, but it’s not enough for everything. Therefore, fatigue often occurs and you want to sleep, and you cannot take care of yourself and your family. Perhaps this is because a lot of energy goes into overcoming fear and uncertainty, you have to constantly be on edge to cope with them. The main thing is that, being overwhelmed by these feelings, it is almost impossible to independently cope with the problems that cause them. Therefore, it seems to me that you simply need the help of a psychoanalyst in order to understand everything and change the situation.

Yana, the state that you describe indicates that there is a certain psychological trauma in childhood (much indicates this), and that perhaps you are “replacing” someone in your family (there is such a concept in psychology) - it is better to clarify this in a face-to-face consultation, I will tell you if there is a specialist in family constellations in your city. Everything is solvable!

Yana, hello. As far as I understand, your problems may be associated with a feeling of the meaninglessness of life, leading to depression. You seem to be coping with issues related to self-realization - education, career and creating a family for you in general achievable goals. However, perhaps the lack of YOUR meaning in life at this time has begun to appear. life stage- You don’t quite feel the incentive, the energy to overcome internal inertia, you succumb more and more to reflection, and lose your taste for life. Additional difficulties may arise from your internal attitude and accepting oneself as happy person, which also gives rise to depression, generates anxiety, fear and uncertainty. On the one hand, apparently, what is happening to you may indicate a crisis of motivation, but at the same time it may be a manifestation of fairly high unconscious needs that require satisfaction. The solution to your difficulties, in my opinion, is quite possible using methods existential psychotherapy, psychoanalysis and logotherapy. Wish you all the best. Best regards, Andrey Gennadievich

Yana! You feel like you are lost in life. It started when childhood ended, when it became necessary for you to manage your life yourself. Before this, you studied, got a job, and perhaps got married with the permission of your parents, fulfilling, so to speak, their unspoken instructions that this should be done, this is correct. And now it turns out that there is no joy in life. Fatigue after work that doesn’t bring you joy. Everyday problems that you don’t want to solve at all. The time has come for you to figure it out and determine what is yours in life and what is not. Yours is what you want to do. Now you are rejecting everything. But take a closer look. What is easy for you to give up? If you don't like your job, what would you like to do? Give free rein to your imagination and do not limit yourself to any boundaries. Can you give up your husband? From family? Fear is bound energy aimed at eliminating the cause of fear. Fear is still there component anxiety. Anxiety occurs when a person is faced with big tasks and he doubts whether he has the strength to solve them. All your difficulties are difficulties of growth. Classes with a psychologist can make this process more effective and less painful. I can offer you online consultations. If interested, write.

Hello Yana. It seems that at some point in your life you gave up your own desires in favor of what you “need”. You need to study and get an education, you need to work and make a career, you need to get married and start a family. Did you really want it that much? Social norms have become more of a priority for you, but a person lives in order to realize himself, putting his own desires(unless, of course, they harm others), and not in order to sacrifice themselves just for the sake of following social attitudes. Constant self-restraint leads you to the point where you begin to be afraid to express own initiative Thus, you are only cultivating your own fear. You need to gain courage and start doing what you want. And let these be simple desires at first, the main thing is that they are sincere. Gradually, having learned to listen to yourself and do what you want, you will get rid of painful fear. All the best to you.

Hello, I have some difficulties with self-perception.
I'm 25, I have higher education, have experience in their own field professions, but the fact is that I moved and life began from scratch, my pen pal called me, but upon arrival I realized that he didn’t really need me, but still we met in the summer. Then I went to the seaside, he wrote that he missed me, I returned. And if there are no details about the fact, then everything he does alternates in communication between pressure and mercy. We haven't seen each other until now. So you understand, he proposed joint business, now this is no longer relevant. I took off my rose-colored glasses and now I need to figure out how to live further, because I’m not going home. In no case do I shift my responsibility onto him for my behavior. But I can't help but feel lost.
How to deal with this?

Answers from psychologists

Good afternoon, Yulia!

Your question is essentially a "request for psychotherapy" - which could give you support, "a joint search for understanding your needs and goals." For one reason or another, you find yourself in a difficult area. life path, and “if there is someone nearby who can support you, understand you, help you understand yourself” - then this segment can be passed not only with minimal possible losses - but also with maximum gains.

If you want, you can contact me, I work with similar situations. We’ll talk to you in more detail and think about what to do.

Hello. Yulia. You’re great for taking off your rose-colored glasses. But the young man continues to destroy your self-esteem by communicating with you either with a stick or with a carrot. And if you tolerate this, then accept the fact that you are prone to masochism. If you tolerate this If you don’t want to, then start with decisive behavior (and not with words of begging). Tell him - What goes around comes around. And refuse to feed him, wash him, sleep him and respect him. If this doesn’t help, then find a job and gradually start living separately starting to build your life anew.

Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychotherapist-psychanalyst Volgograd

Julia, hello!

I assume that your problem of self-perception is much deeper. You decided to make radical changes in your life at the encouragement of a friend by correspondence, that is, you left your home, family, friends, your usual environment, to the call of an unfamiliar, virtual “friend”. And this allows me to assume that you simply needed to escape from something intolerable. Maybe it's a scam Love, Maybe family drama, and perhaps a feeling of deep loneliness and emptiness, despite being surrounded by fearful people. You went for the hope of change, even if it was illusory, and it turned out that you were faced with emptiness. Probably the reason for your loss is inside you, and when you move yourself, you carry everything you have with you. Leave from own feelings, from one’s own conflicts is impossible. You should understand the reason for your internal state, find yourself for yourself, regain the meaning of life, just life and a feeling of joy. It will be difficult for you alone to return the fullness of sensations, we all need live contact, feedback from another. Through interaction with another, we gain a sense of our own identity, and it is better if this other is a specialist, psychologist.

Karina Matveeva, psychoanalyst, psychologist.

Matveeva Karine Vilievna, psychologist in Moscow