VK group just story. As a child I played strange

The social network Vkontakte is still trying to keep up with its competitors. Relatively recently, developers demonstrated the VK Live application. This addition allows you to carry out. And a little later VK got new feature "Stories". Thanks to which you can send messages (records) that self-destruct.

A similar function first appeared in Snapchat, and after some time it was acquired by Facebook and Instagram. This opportunity allows its users to write messages containing, photos, captions and videos. Their main feature is as follows - they are shown to friends, as well as subscribers only within 24 hours.

The function is only available in mobile applications for Android and iOS;

VKontakte stories can be found in the “News” tab (at the bottom left of the screen).

To create your own History in VK you just need to click the “History” button.

• You can upload a photo from the gallery (images taken within 24 hours are displayed), take a photo or record a short video (press and hold the round button);
• To the left of the round button you can turn on the flash for photo/video, and to the right you can switch it to front camera or add a mask ;

Important: if you take a photo, the story will only last 3 seconds, and the video can be held up to 15 seconds.

• You can decorate your story beautiful inscription, stickers and drawings (top right);
• The history can be saved to your phone (bottom left);
• You can select recipients, so that the story is not sent to everyone, but only to specific users (in a message) or publish now(in the news);

How to post a story on VK

• History will disappear forever in 24 hours;
• 2 stories It won’t be possible to post it in one day (although there was such a possibility before);

To change history settings in VK You must first open it and click on the ellipsis in the lower right corner.

• Here you can edit privacy settings, save to your phone and delete history;

• Change the settings as you wish;

If you try upload history from computer, then I’ll say right away that this is impossible. This was not provided initially. I don’t recommend downloading any emulators, since it won’t work anyway, and there will also be a chance of catching a virus on your PC.

All stories created by you and your friends can be found in the news. Maybe someday this function will be available in the web version (from a computer).

How to respond to a Story on VK

To reply to your friend’s story on VK Just open it and click on the icon in the lower left corner.

• Answers will be displayed when viewing history;

I noticed a lot of questions about stories, so I'll answer right here:

Question: How many seconds does one story last?

Answer: Up to 15 seconds - video, 3 seconds - photo.

Question: When will history self-destruct?

Answer: 24 hours after publication.

Question: What exactly can be attached to a story?

Answer: Photos and videos, additionally - stickers, inscriptions, masks.

Answer: For now, you can only attach 1 image (communities have more than 3).

Question: Why does the story only last 3 seconds?

Answer: If the story involves photography, then only 3 seconds, if video, then up to 14 seconds.

Question: I don’t understand how to add a video to a story?

Answer: You need to press the round button and hold it for as many seconds as necessary (up to 14).

Question: How to hide stories on VK from some users?

Answer: In the settings, in the “Privacy” tab, there is an item “Who can see my stories.” You can customize it as you wish.

Question: Will the user see that I looked at his story?

Answer: No, only visible general statistics views.

Answer: There is no such function, there are all sorts of emulators, but I do not recommend using them. All scripts are long outdated.

Question: How to upload 2 or more stories per day?

Answer: On at the moment You can only publish 1 story per day (previously there were 2).

Question: How to create a story in VK on behalf of the community.

Answer: While the mode is in testing, stories can only be published large communities, who took part in it (MDK, Overheard, Lentach) and with a tick (official). Soon all communities will be able to publish stories. We'll let you know when.

The article is constantly being updated, so stay tuned! If there are any left, ask in the comments.

51 conclusions for 2018 for the New Year

Let's go!

1. Big results = big journey. First conclusion: achieve high results in any field - this is always to pass big way practice, training, effort. People want everything at once, but only many years of work in the right direction can give the results you dream of.

2. The state of flow is what gives ENERGY for the effectiveness of actions. Hobbies, rest, recovery, resourceful people, nature, healthy lifestyle and other factors provide a state in which we can CREATE. Read the book Flow - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

3. Planning is the key to monthly growth. Money, tasks, team, reports, calendar, key actions, solid and empty. Read Vladimir Tarasov’s book “Technology of Life,” especially the chapter about “Solid and Empty.”

4. Set 100 goals for 5 years. I like the example of Oscar Hartman - how he staged it, he does it, it turns out! Inspiring!

5. Team. Work with honest people who you can rely on in any situation. See who “grows” with and invest more effort, implement more details so that your project grows and DEVELOPES.

6. Start doing exercises already. Let this become a tradition. “Tradition is an irresistible thing.” Healthy and right attitude to the body - this is karma and energy. They gave us a body to keep an eye on! "More luck and more results! - My grandfather's technique.

7. To develop you need to study, go from 3 to 10 different trainings per year. So that it can be “stretchable” in terms of cost and level of speakers. This gives growth and results in all areas of life. Best product BC is a two-month Flow course.

8. Go to healthy eating and make sure you are well-fed - this gives you the mood and positive energy(especially for learning and for action on the path to results). I recommend BC graduates - Futbalance https://vk.com/foodbalanceplus and #bkfood - food can be ordered directly from BC.

9. Finance for beginning entrepreneurs.
At the first stage, 20% of the money earned should be spent on yourself - this gives motivation and acceleration of movement towards Goals (realize your wish list). 10% - put aside for an emergency fund for any situation in order to accumulate a cushion for 1 year of life. save 50% for big goal. 20% on all expenses.

10. Investments. At the second stage of earnings, you need to start investing (increasing money). There are instruments that can give from 20% to 30% per annum - write to PM

11. Develop all areas of life so that there is harmony, development, happiness: health, parents, personal life, children, friends, business, finances, spiritual sphere.

12. Do good. We all make mistakes and make a lot of mistakes along the way - we need to correct them, solve the problems that we have created for others, and be honest with ourselves. This gives energy, “good karma”, luck, happiness and great growth in life! As Timati says, even though I’m not a fan of his: “Do it normally, it will be fine!”

13. [Secret conclusion, will be at the Intensive]

14. Conclusion from my billionaire friend: sometimes you need to stop. In the bustle of affairs we do not have time to accept right decisions, choose the right directions. All best solutions are accepted in the resource. All the worst are in bad mood.

15. Cleanliness and order are the key to harmony and resourceful state. In deeds, in actions, in relationships, in the entire world around us.

16. If the condition is not very good, and you don’t know what to do, or it seems that everything around you is wrong - start with small improvements, use the “a little better” technique. When I walked for 8 hours to get home and wanted to give up everything, I was able to get there only due to the fact that I could always take one more step - and I did. This is how I achieved my goal.

17. Every entrepreneur must have a good manager who will lead the company.

18. Work with people who know how to earn more. Focus and you will become very very rich.

19. Look for the good in people, and you will find talent, magic and simply unique people. I quickly fall in love and invest in those people who know how to work, think positively, create results and are always support and support.

20. Beauty will save the world. I strive to make everything around me beautiful, aesthetic, bright. I like both design and the beauty of people, nature, cities, but even more I admire the beauty of the soul of some people. The higher the spirit, the larger the person.

21. Build 8 sources of income so that you don’t depend on any of them. Over time, find 25 actions with which you can “forge money” so that you can always earn the required amount to solve any issue at any time. Write down what sources of income you have had over the past 10 years, see which of them can be activated.

22. Structure your business first on paper, then in real life. This is the only way you can manage it and gradually delegate it. Pass required training. If you need a business consultant who structures your business, helps you automate everything and increase profits and free time at times - there is such a contact, write to me in PM.

23. Invest 80% of your time in developing your main business, 20% in working with large checks. Later it can be 50/50.

24. The best for the best. Use only the best, it will increase your sensations, awareness and Quality of life. When I first started earning money, I saved for better headphones, a better bike, a better camera, a better apartment, etc. I always use the rule: “the best or nothing.”

25. The main thing is people. In the pursuit of money, we forget about the main thing that we have - about our wife, about our children, about our parents, about friends, about those who have always been with us, those with whom we live some part of our lives. Spend more time with people, and there will be much more happiness, energy, health, harmony and pleasure from life!

26. Write down the actions that gave you money, orders, transactions over the past 3-5-10 years. Start doing these actions 2-3-5-10 times more, and you will start earning more.

27. Stop communicating with people who deceive, devalue, stir things up, stay away from negative people, even if...any "even". We turn into those who surround us. Imprinting works 1000%.

28. Travel more - it gives development, energy, mood! And 1000 photos will help you develop your personal brand. Invest in a photographer.

29. You have to pay for everything; the habit of the poor is to look for free things. The habit of the rich is to pay for quality. If you are looking for a freebie, then your whole life consists of freebies, promotions and a constant lack of money. Start paying where the quality is, and you won’t notice how quickly you will become a rich person.

30. Give away debts. First to people, then to banks - if there are any. Don’t judge who is bad and who is good, if you have to, you need to gradually pay off, first of all, in order to be clean before yourself and before the world. Your success will only increase!

31. Upgrade your image. As Lebedev said, everything should be expensive, of high quality, ah....but! I also believe in the energy of brands. But also in reverse side: Consider in what situations your image should look modest or like an expert in your field. At the level of Steve Jobs, you can have any image, but at the first stage it plays a big role in any negotiations.

32. [Secret conclusion, will be at the Intensive]

33. Give up bad habits. My friend Alexey Sergienko counted more than 100 of them, but how many bad habits do you have and what are they? My immediate ones: telephone, YouTube, Internet, daily routine, diet sometimes, spending, computer, communication with a list of people “-”, getting distracted from the plan, information noise. Something that I constantly get rid of until it works out.

34. To be successful, you need to learn to serve people: your clients, your boss, your company, your family, your wife/husband, your child, your country. This is very great strength and human energy.

35. If you don’t stop, you will still find, win, and be happy. The main thing: keep making the effort. And, as my mentor Gogun says: “Not a single effort remains without result.”

36. Develop good ones human qualities. The richest and successful people in BC: , , , , and others - they are all kind, positive, honest, reliable, optimistic, hardworking, sincere, simple, good. People who inspire trust.

37. Unravel knots of conflict. Contact and find common language with those with whom you did not share something or did not understand each other - meet, find general solution. Win-win. Such unresolved issues take away energy, mood, and attention.

38. Choose banal niches that are in demand. It is from them that the first good money is earned. The uniqueness lies in HOW you make the Product, and how profitable your offer is, i.e. more advantages and details that are important to customers.

39. Choose with your heart.

40. Keep your word.

41. Develop the main skill of entrepreneurs - Communication skills.

42. Develop all the necessary connections and contacts. This is important in Russia.

43. Phone book is your asset.

44. Client base- Your second asset. Invest, choose a giving position, and it will work.

45. You can grow 2-3 times a month and 10 times a year, but at least increase your income by 2% per month, that’s 24% per year - and you will be Rich.

46. ​​Choose the reality in which to live, do not put up with what is if it does not give you HAPPINESS.

47. The world gives chances and opportunities - take them.

48. Winning a battle does not mean winning a war. You need to constantly maintain the result and continue the Effort further.

49. Yes best helpers, and they can be picked up. - my assistant is doing this - contact me!

50. How to move from Dream to specific Actions“here and now” - find yourself a mentor!

51. If you want to open your own school/club/online/offline community, then it’s time to do it! We have a Team that provides this service - write to PM ‍

P.s. Save it on your wall to read at a convenient time!

Harlot! Get out of my house! - my neighbor shouted, so that the walls seemed to be shaking from his screams. Agree rare word, but the situation is familiar. The wife didn’t come home for the night, and the neighbor went crazy with jealousy. She, a small, fragile woman, scared, jumped out of the apartment and knocked on our door.
- Can I call the police for you? - she asked, however, having received permission, she listened to the beeps on the phone for a long time, not daring to dial the well-known number. She hung up the phone, sat down on the ottoman and, sighing heavily, told her what was the matter. It turns out that she spent the night with her daughter, called to warn her, but her husband didn’t pick up the phone, now he doesn’t want to listen to anything, he took a stick and knocks on the walls and doors - he’s indignant.
She sat with us for a couple of hours and then calmly returned home. During this time, the neighbor calmed down, was able to calmly listen to his wife, after which they made peace. These are Shakespearean passions! And everything would be fine, but our Othello is 87 years old, and his wife is 85...

10.09.2018 08:18

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Found this on the street this morning

This morning I found a smartphone on the street with a phone number on the locked screen (prudent people do this so that the finder can contact them or friends/relatives).
Having dialed the indicated numbers... the found smartphone rang. My number appeared on the screen.
“Woman,” I thought with irritation. And he began to wait.
Around lunchtime, a girl called and was surprised why I didn’t contact her myself at the phone number indicated on the screen.

10.09.2018 08:18

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Doctors are often scolded, but rarely

Doctors are often criticized, but rarely praised. But since they even wrote to my mother, a neurologist, thank you letter addressed to the head physician.
A woman came to the appointment with back pain, and when her mother examined her, she noticed a black dot on her finger right hand. A woman complains about her back, and her mother says:
- I don’t like your finger, I’ll now refer you to a surgeon for cito, if he doesn’t confirm my diagnosis, then come, we’ll continue to treat your back.
The woman went to the surgeon, he confirmed dry gangrene (Raynaud's disease), and suggested amputating the finger so that the gangrene would not spread higher. The patient agreed. She underwent surgery in the dressing room. She then looked at her mother, waved her hand without a finger, and said that she would come back with her back later, there was no time for that now.
And I wrote a letter of gratitude. And I understand that my mother did a great job and saved her hand from gangrene, but the situation when you come to the hospital with a sore back and leave without a finger gives me a small, compact feeling of horror.

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I read about calls that supposedly

I read about calls that houses were allegedly mined - a whole wave of them went through Russia. I remembered how the same crap hit Perm in the late 90s.
At night, a call to the duty room - the house in Polazna was mined. Five-story building, 6 entrances. They didn’t immediately find out where the call came from. We call the regional police department, the military. They say that explosives experts will arrive in a week. Well, amazing!..
We are going to Polazna. I am from the cops, the district authorities, the prosecutor. An ambulance, a fire department, a gas house - more gas workers. People were lifted up and the inspection was thorough, especially the gas pipes. We had two dogs trained in explosives. They walked the whole house.
In general, three hours flew by. There is nothing. And we have to make a decision - to let people back into the apartments or not... What if the bomb wasn’t found? People will come back and like f*ck.
And the authorities, the prosecutor and others, are all looking at me. Damn, it turns out I'm in charge. I'm crazy! Here it is, power! Make a decision, what if it’s wrong and people die?
Well, my face looks like a brick on the outside, everything is stern and OK. I spoke again with those who were walking around the house. And I say - you can come in.
We returned back. I sat in my office until the morning. But everything turned out to be fine. Then they found the callers.
Then I finally understood what such a decision was to make. Read more...

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It was a long time ago. Late 90s

It was a long time ago. At the end of the 90s, we played cool heavy metal on guitars and expected that a little more and “Manovar” would perform as our opening act. And then our lead guitarist Roma disappears somewhere.
Cell phones back then were only on TV about cool guys. We decided to cancel one rehearsal and go to Roman’s house to find out why he was disrupting our world tour and performance at a local rock festival in the House of Culture. Our lead guitarist lived in the suburbs about 30 minutes walk from public transport. The beginning of September was very hot and we were thirsty for the moisture of life at every pump along the road. Having finally reached Roma’s house, they rang the bell on the porch of the house.
We heard shuffling steps and our solyuk’s grandfather opened the door for us.
- Hello, can I call Roma?
The old man looked at us with an attentive gaze:
- Rom?.. - pause, - Romochka?.. And he’s gone!
After these words, grandfather cried silently, covered his face with his palm, turned around and shuffled away deeper into the house without closing the door.
We stood silently and looked at open door. Everyone's head was in complete confusion. Thoughts were spinning: - How? When? He was only 15!
Then indignant women’s screams were heard in the house and Romina’s grandmother appeared on the threshold:
- Don't listen to him! The old fool has gone completely crazy. Romka entered vocational school as an aircraft mechanic. He left for Rylsk to study. Read more...

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The stupidity of some people and desire

The stupidity of some people and the desire to shift all responsibility onto others is sometimes amazing.
Industrial climbers, sometimes we work on removing seals from trees.
Today I called a friend on the phone:
(D) - friend, (F) - woman.
(F) - A dog was hit here.
(D) - Hello, so what?
(F) - Well, something is broken, take it.
(D) - I’m not a shelter or a foster home, I just remove cats from trees. Climber. And in general, I’m now in Sakhalin, and you’re in Novosibirsk!
(F) - So what? You won't do anything?! What difference does it make to me what you are there and who? Come and get this dog!!!
¯\ _ (ツ) _ / ¯

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This wonderful incident happened

This wonderful incident happened to me 3 years ago.
I decided to go home from work early. I went down to the subway. She sat down in the carriage with her back to the opening doors on the edge. A guy stood next to him with a sushi bag. And right away I didn’t like him... But I didn’t trust my intuition and continued the trip. I took out my phone, I sat, played and didn’t hold my gadget too tightly. The train stops. A voice says: “close the doors carefully, next station blah blah blah.” At this moment the phone is pulled out of my hands. And then the fun begins...
I was told that in critical cases the sense of time slows down... I didn’t believe it. Now I understand that it’s slowing down like crazy! Looking back at that moment, I remember that I had so many thoughts and actions that Julius Caesar, with his multitasking, was simply smoking on the sidelines.
So, the phone was pulled out. My first thought was that this kid decided to flirt with me, but when I raised my head, it turned out that there was no trace of my “boyfriend”. Having decided to run after him, I jumped up and only managed to stick my hand out of the carriage when I was pinched by the doors. The feeling is amazing! You are bursting with adrenaline, and then there are some doors... I immediately remembered what my husband said: until the doors close tightly, the carriage will not move, so I didn’t even worry about the hand that was hanging over the platform. But through the glass I saw a young man walking away, looking around with my phone... A thought flashed through: where can I get the money for a new phone?! And the photos were not copied to iCloud... But then the driver took pity on me and opened the doors! I joyfully jumped out of the carriage and rushed after the criminal.
My “seducer” was already calmly walking through the station and, apparently, was looking at my photos or continued to play Angry Birds. Idk. And then I run out from behind the column and begin to make inhuman sounds... When I tried to portray them later, talking about this adventure at work, my colleagues described them as the cry of a mad bison. I will also say that all the people who later testified in this case did not understand a word of my loud arias.
Well, as one would expect, the thief of my phone number never thought that we would meet again, so he decided to escape down the escalator. I was very lucky, because the station where everything happened is very deep underground and has only one exit to the outside.
While we were playing tag for so long dangerous object like an escalator, a whole train of thoughts rushed through my mind: “I won’t make it in time,” “What will I do when I catch up with him...”, “It’s good that I’m wearing comfortable sandals,” “Damn, I’m falling behind,” “ But no! I have a chance,” “Citizens, why don’t you stop him?!” etc.
To my happiness, although people did not understand my screams, they nevertheless realized that I was not just rushing after this young man, jumping over the steps, and strong handsome men They tied up the sushi delivery guy in no time! And this is halfway to the top...
When we went up to the station lobby, two brave police officers were already waiting for us and took the criminal into their strong arms, and they took me by the elbow to the police room at the station. Read more...

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In light of certain events

In the light certain events I remembered today a story that happened to me in the winter of 2017... While on a business trip in Saransk, I accidentally crushed my glasses, well, it happens - it’s an everyday thing. Well, I think that the fact that both glasses flew out is a bullshit issue - the glasses are intact, but the fact that the metal frame broke at the place of the tie is a problem...
In the first half of the day I probably ran into about 12 different optics in the center of Saransk, fortunately there were them like dirt, but alas and ah - answers ranging from “it can’t be fixed, change the frame” to “I can of course try to solder it, but the paint will fly off the frame Yes, and it will cost a lot, and you will still be unhappy."
And then, on the way to the hotel, stomping past the central market, I saw an inconspicuous sign, something like “metal repair, key making, repair of locks and umbrellas.” I came in and there was a man already well into his 60s, I explained the problem to him and took out the frame. He turned it all over in his hands, come on, he said, more glass, come back in an hour - I’ll do everything. I was so a little freaked out that I was talking about money, and the answer was cut off on the spot - “ONE HUNDRED RUBLES.”
Considering that I had already written off the frame, in fact I was just wondering what would happen - I left him everything and my phone number. An hour and a half later, a call saying come and pick it up. I came, I looked at everything CLEARLY and EXACTLY, nothing flew off, didn’t crumble, didn’t darken! I welded it, inserted the glass, straightened everything out conscientiously!!!
I say how so?! After all, everyone in the SPECIALIZED workshops refused, but you did... The answer was simple - SO THEY CAN’T DO ANYTHING! THEY DON'T WANT TO WORK, THEY ONLY WANT TO EARN!
I tried to pay 500 rubles, but he clearly stood his ground, “I said I named the price, I won’t deviate from it, it was just for the steward’s work.”
This is how we live... Only a few can work, but everyone wants to earn money. Read more...

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I live in a private wooden house,

I live in a private wooden house, the house was built in Soviet era, the buildings are dense, sometimes some houses stand 6 meters from each other. They used to like to stick it right next to each other...
The house next door is dilapidated and the new owners decided to renovate it. To do this, they dismantled the veranda. At the same time, they decided to burn the old boards right in the garden. Let me remind you that the buildings are dense, the houses are wooden and old. Any spark is enough and there will be a repeat of the situation in Rostov.
The most amazing thing is that the fire, sometimes reaching one and a half meters in height, was sometimes left unattended. One day, I was doing my chores in the garden, and I was watching out of the corner of my eye, but you can’t keep watching!
While I was watching, I was thinking about how to tactfully make a remark. But I decided that the remark might not help, but on the contrary, would only create a conflict.
I called the fire department and described the situation, thinking that they would then direct me to the right place. It turns out I was in the right place. And then the most amazing thing. When you contact a government agency, you expect red tape, but in my case, the inspector left within 10 minutes, calling back and clarifying the address. 20 minutes after my call, the inspector was standing next to my neighbors filling out paperwork while they put out the fire.
After 40 minutes, the inspector called me back and “reported.” My wife watched all this through the window.
What we have. There are no more fires. I didn't waste my nerves arguing. My anonymity is respected and no one will throw a brick through my window or scratch my car out of revenge.
Many thanks to the fire inspector for his prompt work! Read more...

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Call to kindergarten: "child

Call in kindergarten: "the child is unconscious." And judging by the information received from the calling woman, “everything is really bad” there, and not just a banal fainting.
The flashing lights turn on, the driver does everything possible and impossible - the intensive care unit literally reaches the kindergarten in a matter of minutes, the team, grabbing the equipment, runs to the group...
Girl 3+ years old, already clearly expressed biological death, resuscitation is done “for social reasons”, naturally, a miracle does not happen... the screams and tears of the mother, the tears of teachers and nannies, the police, clarification of the circumstances that led to the tragedy.
A couple of days later we spoke with the investigator, and this is what turned out:
That day, the father of the family returned home in the morning from another café feast in a clear state of “unrest” and, to the displeasure of his wife, declared that in any condition he could help dress his beloved daughter for kindergarten. It was winter, the frost dropped to -30, my mother was in the car in kindergarten it was necessary to go through the whole city, so they dressed the child warmly, and finally, dad tied a warm scarf for his daughter.
And he pulled it out with all his heart...
Without looking closely, the child’s reaction to such “tying up” was attributed to morning whims, and the subsequent loss of consciousness to “well, we thought she just really wanted to sleep, so she fell asleep in his arms.” The child was taken out of the house, put in a child's seat in the car, buckled up and driven through traffic jams to the kindergarten.
Well, upon arrival at the kindergarten, the mother brought her “sound-sleeping daughter” into the group, began to undress, and saw what she saw.
Moral of the story? No morals, just be careful, that's all. Read more...

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As a child I played strange

As a child, I played a strange game: I took two bags, filled them with pillows, sat on the sofa, and then... sat. Long - about an hour, on average. When my mother asked what I was doing, she busily answered: “Mom, please don’t touch me, I’m actually on the train!”

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Once after classes at the university we went

Once, after classes at the university, the group and I went to a cafe to have lunch and chat. After a while, people began to break up into pairs, and me and another guy no longer had pairs. We started talking and it came to school years. The dialogue itself lasted two hours, but I chose the most important things. Further, I am I, the bully is X.
X: Yes, I was actually a hooligan at school and at the same time I graduated with a gold medal!
Me: and how did you misbehave?
X: Yes, he drank constantly, sometimes right in class, but the teachers “didn’t notice.” I'm an excellent student... the pride of the school!
Me: how interesting, what else happened?
X: I also sent all the teachers, I come to school after drinking, my head hurts, and then the biology teacher starts asking questions, so I send her.
Me: what about her?
X: what, what, she patted her eyes and went to interview others, but I gold medal I'm coming...
Me: really... what else happened?
X: once the boys and I were smoking weed in the toilet, it stank, oooh... the teacher came running at the smell and started yelling at everyone except me, then they called the parents of the other boys, but they didn’t touch me, they don’t touch the excellent students!
Me: well, you're cool, the teachers were shaking over you like a crystal vase!
X: of course, my aunt is a school principal!
I: ... Read more...

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Once Seryoga went with his

Once Seryoga went with his class to birch grove for a picnic. We arrived at the grove and immediately sat down to eat. Boys have their own circle, girls have theirs. After eating we rested a bit and started playing various games. Either in catch-up tag or throwing pine cones. It was a little disappointing that everyone tried to hit Seryoga, but few succeeded, because he was dexterous and threw cones faster than anyone else and very accurately. After everyone was tired of running, the girls went to pick flowers, and the boys went to fight. At first it was one on one, but when Seryoga defeated everyone, he suggested fighting against two at once. Having defeated them, he said that he would try one against all. It was difficult for him, but he managed. The boys gathered around Seryoga and asked why he is so strong and dexterous? He answers them:
- Firstly, healthy image life, secondly, playing sports, and also the fact that I am 27 years old, I have already served in the army and now I work as your class teacher.

10.09.2018 08:18

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As my grandmother said, the doctor

As my grandmother said, the doctor highest category, who has saved more than a dozen lives: “sometimes I go on the Internet to repeat the symptoms of diseases, to read what new things are written, but reading the advertisements (banners), I get the impression that no one needs fucking medicine, everything will be cured by soda, fly agaric and the remedy for penis enlargement."

10.09.2018 08:18

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I'm climbing the stairs today

I'm walking up the stairs to my house today. I approach the apartment while I'm looking for the keys to the door. I hear footsteps behind me, turn around and see my alcoholic neighbor getting up, breathing heavily.
- Oh, I’m just coming to you *taking a breath* give me a hundred until tomorrow.
- Well, you’re in vain... I answer ironically.
- How in vain *perplexed*?
- Yes, I’m not at home.
The neighbor is intensely pondering my words... 5 second pause.
- Why?
I answer with an even bigger smile:
- Well, I haven’t come yet!
- Ahhhh. The drunk neighbor nods his head, turns around, mutters something under his breath, and stomps downstairs.

10.09.2018 08:18

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This story happened to my

This story happened to my friend. I must say that a friend works in a delivery service and drives around in a cargo gazelle. He delivers... well, almost everything. Further from his words.
I come home after almost two days behind the wheel. I've clocked up more kilometers. There is no strength at all. One eye is already asleep. I used the strength of my last yawn to park the car and crawl to the bed.
I woke up the next morning, washed my face, had breakfast, wanted to smoke with a cup of coffee on the balcony - but it turned out that I had forgotten the cigarettes in the car. Well, I think to hell with it. There were about 6 cigarettes left there - just enough to get to work, and even to the store.
I got dressed, went down to the car, pressed the key... But I forgot to lock the car yesterday. I immediately slammed my hands into my pockets - except for cigarettes, I also left all my documents in the car. Everything in my chest immediately tightened, my hands shook, there was horror in my eyes... I open the car door, and there...
All the documents for the car, insurance, license are neatly folded on the driver’s seat in a pile, and on top is my open pack of cigarettes. There is ONE cigarette in the pack!))
I checked everything in the salon - they didn’t take anything, and there was actually nothing to take, except for five cigarettes, and they left one for me, a lucky loser. Read more...