Childish insult. How we offend ourselves by thinking that we are being offended

Excessive touchiness - bad quality character. Firstly, people are uncomfortable communicating with you, because you can be offended by any joke or phrase, and constantly keeping yourself under control in a conversation with an offended person is not much pleasure. Secondly, resentment causes enormous harm to the offended person, because the feeling is painful, destructive, oppressive, bordering on vindictiveness and malice. Therefore, you need to stay as far away from touchiness as possible, not let it reach the threshold of your soul, and learn to quickly forgive offenders.

1. Strike while the iron is hot. Most the right way to fight offence is not to be offended at all. In essence, resentment is our internal decision, our attitude to the situation, our own subjective interpretation of reality. To put it simply, it’s my business: if I wanted to, I was offended, if I didn’t want to, I didn’t. How can you control yourself so as not to be offended in the first place?

2. Take care of your image. Personally, it helps me to think that the people I communicate with find it unpleasant to deal with someone who is “always offended over trifles.” And in general, it ruins my image cheerful person. So take note of this, and before you get offended by someone, think that you are losing the feeling in the first place self-esteem. And the offender? Well, what can you take from him! So he took it and said such a “byucka”.

3. Warning. Before you get seriously offended, you can warn your interlocutor: “Why did you say that? I’ll be offended now!” You can even pout offendedly at this. Nobody likes to offend people, join . Well, perhaps only out of a feeling of revenge, and in a fit of anger. But, as a rule, situations of resentment arise due to nonsense, everyday trifles and misunderstandings. Therefore, if you are really offended when your interlocutor makes a bad joke, use a warning about offence. In 99% of situations it will immediately follow: “Sorry, I didn’t mean to, don’t be offended.” The main thing is to be able to really not be offended at this moment and smile at this “scoundrel.” We all have the right to make mistakes, and so does this person sitting across from us.

4. Habit and character. In general, touchiness is a character trait, and character is formed by habits. You are used to flaring up at every occasion, and you react this way to every nonsense. Cultivate “offense tolerance” in yourself, seize the moments when you are ready to be offended, and... change the habit. For example, you can send everyone “to the garden”, you can turn everything into a joke, you can simply control the process of formation of emotions, knowing that now I will not be offended, and my precious character will change to an even more golden one.

5. Who is the offender? The funny thing is that we're offended we usually focus on people we care about. Well, it’s logical that if we don’t give a damn about a person, then he can easily keep his opinion about us to himself. But it’s enough for our beloved to simply not notice our new dress, and we are already offended. Learn not to make too many demands on your loved ones. He, the beloved, is exactly the same as the stranger Vasya, with his own emotions and sensations. And he didn’t intend to offend you, you just react to this more sharply due to your own feelings. Do not raise the bar for claims against a person just because he is dear to you; rather, on the contrary, forgive him as soon as possible.

6. I take revenge and my revenge is terrible. You may also be offended revenge for your offense. And we understand perfectly well, deep down in our hearts, that we were simply taken revenge. Yes, revenge is a bad thing and unworthy, but do not rush to take offense right away. After all, if you took revenge, it means that you have a “stigma in the cannon”, which means that you also offended the person. What you gave is what you received. So try to understand your guilt and accept the deserved punishment. It's your own fault.

7. What if you are already offended? We are all alive People. And sometimes “burying” emotions in yourself is worse than letting them out. But the release of emotions is not development, deepening or “cherishing” them. If you have already understood and realized that resentment is here, here in your soul and gnawing at you, then try following methods struggle.

8. Give time time. Sometimes resentment- it’s just a superficial emotion that rages in your soul for some time. Harmful, psychotic, hot-tempered... All the signs are there! Well... Let the storm rage, but just don’t let the offender get close to you at this moment, because you will “tear it to shreds.” It is better to go through a storm of emotions alone, because when it all boils over, you will be able to soberly assess the situation and not aggravate the resentment and quarrel.

9. Constructive dialogue. Our complexes sit deep inside us. And often we cannot admit to ourselves that this or that remark, comparison, phrase is unpleasant to us. But the resentment will not go away until we ourselves understand what exactly hurts and confuses us. Don't rush to blame outside world, deal with your inner world. Do you understand the reason? Now calmly, without unnecessary emotions, try to explain to the offender what exactly and why offended you so much. If this is a person close to you, or just a person whom you respect and are going to continue communicating with him, then this method will be the most correct and civilized. He will understand. He's not an insensitive blockhead either. And then, don’t forget, the person has no idea why you haven’t talked to him for the third day. Explain yourself.

10. If you are offended, ask for forgiveness! If you dear man- ask for forgiveness first! Yes, sometimes, in order to get rid of resentment, you should ask for forgiveness yourself. This move acts like a cold shower on the offender, and he usually begins to ask for forgiveness after you. After all, it happens that you were offended, and you could not restrain yourself, responded, quarreled... On the one hand, the offense torments, and on the other, it is unlikely that your interlocutor will be in a good mood after a quarrel and will come running to ask for forgiveness. So, decide for yourself how important a person and a relationship with him is to you.

11. Old grievances. Well, now you learned quickly forgive, or not be offended at all. And there are also old grievances that, no, no, periodically pop up in the memory and interfere with life. Psychologists advise mentally “replaying old grievances in reverse,” like a movie reel. Imagine all the details of the quarrel from end to beginning, and then from the beginning, but come up with the ending yourself. For example, imagine that a person tells you at the end a completely different phrase that increases your self-esteem, or gives you a compliment, or falls to his knees and asks for forgiveness. This visualization practice does not work instantly, and requires some training. But then, if you master it, you can even get rid of childhood grievances and traumas. What does a person need to be happy? So that they do not offend and love us, so tender and vulnerable.

Hello dear readers of the Samprosvetbyulletin blog!

“The resentment towards my loved one made me do a lot of stupid things. As a result, I found myself in a situation: I came up with it myself - I was offended myself. But I'm generally very touchy person, I take everything personally. This ruins my relationship with my loved one. How to stop being offended and? — Victoria writes.

“I lost a loved one and ruined relationships because of my resentment. My last grudge against my beloved was that he refused a well-paid job when we didn’t have enough money! I stopped talking to him, withdrew into myself, and complained about him to mutual friends. Thus, I pushed him away. Then already retroactively I realized that I was unfair to him. This job fell apart, and he was right to refuse. How to stop being offended and learn to control yourself?” — writes Natalya.
Resentment is formed from three elements:
1. Our expectations from loved one, our ideas about how he should behave with us.
2. Behavior of a loved one that differs from our expectations and ideas.
3. Ours emotional reaction to this behavior.

The main reason for resentment is that we limit the behavior of another person to our expectations, we believe that he is programmed to behave in accordance with our ideas. We do not take into account his right to independent action.

But if you carefully understand a man’s behavior, it very often turns out that he had certain reasons to behave contrary to our expectations, but these reasons are simply not always known to us.

We are not offended by natural phenomena and fauna, on people who are completely strangers and indifferent to us, because we recognize them as independent beings, we do not expect from them certain behavior that corresponds to our ideas.

But with close people everything is different. We believe that their behavior must meet our expectations. And if this doesn’t happen, we get offended.

The first step to eradicating resentment is to recognize a loved one as free and independent of us. Stop mentally programming with your expectations and ideas. Recognize that your loved one determines his own behavior.

Touchiness is an infantile reaction. In childhood, a child uses touchiness to regulate the behavior of his parents depending on his expectations. Over time, going through all stages of personality development, we gain autonomy and understand that the behavior of a loved one is determined by him, and not by us.

Touchiness ruins relationships

If you are too touchy, you risk ruining the relationship. When you demonstrate your touchiness, you create a feeling of guilt in your loved one, and he begins to associate your image with unpleasant experiences. A person is wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure, which will ultimately lead to your man moving away from you.

I often receive questions on the topic: “why did I move away, why did I start communicating less, grew cold, stopped inviting people on dates.” So, one of the many reasons is excessive touchiness, which forms a negative image of a woman.

When you learn not to be offended, it will have a positive impact on your communication with a man. Touchiness is the path to... Any man would not want to constantly feel guilty because he unintentionally offended you.

There are two types of grievances

1. Resentment as irrational fears - I came up with it myself, I was offended myself

As a rule, such grievances have no real basis and rely more on the fantasies of the offended person. In this case, the significance of the situation is exaggerated, non-existent negative motives are attributed to the partner’s behavior. The reasons for such fears may be wrong thinking, jealousy, addiction, fatigue.

2. Resentment as an incorrect expression of dissatisfaction, disagreement or anger

Resentment in such cases is caused by behavior or a situation with which the offended person cannot tolerate, but does not know how to express his dissatisfaction or anger other than through resentment. If a man behaves unfairly, does not take into account your interests and needs, then it seems so natural to simply be offended by him. Then he will understand that he was wrong and will correct himself. But such tactics are not always effective.

In a relationship, it is very important to be able to express your opinion, declare your interests and needs, but without provoking a conflict, without offending your loved one and without being offended yourself.

Difficulties in communication arise because a person sees only his problem and nothing else. It's useful to be able to find alternative point vision. To do this, you can use the self-help method " Real action and Desired Action."

Self-help method “Real Action and Desired Action”

Take a piece of paper and divide it into three columns.

The goal of this method is to learn to discuss conflict situations. Let me give you an example.

It is very important to be able to support positive communication in relationships, be able to weaken rather than increase the tension that arises. In any relationship there can be misunderstandings. If partners do not know how to communicate and negotiate, grievances will accumulate like a snowball. With a constructive approach, the conflict can end in reconciliation and deepening harmony.

We have known resentment since childhood. Some are more offended, others less. And how many relationships, families, and what can I say, destinies she destroyed. It is scary because it eats a person from the inside.

This leads to serious illnesses, physical and psychological. Therefore, you need to be able to forgive.

What is resentment?

Resentment in psychology is the response of an offended person to an act of another person that is unacceptable to her. It causes a feeling of hostility, you can get rid of it, the main thing is that it does not develop into constant resentment.

Some people don't hold grudges, they let it out bad emotions on others. Others, on the contrary, close themselves off and carry them deep inside, not showing them to anyone. They smile despite adversity. But this is fraught with dire consequences.

As a rule, this leads to deep depression. Again, if this concerns a single offense, the matter is not so bad, but systematic offense is already a big problem. This is what the psychology of resentment talks about.

What is this emotion characterized by?

She carries a powerful destructive force. This deteriorates health and relationships.

The main components of resentment:

• Strong heartache. Arises in response to unfair treatment of an individual.
• Feeling of betrayal. Offended man says he never expected this.
• The perception of the unfair actions of another individual in relation to the offender, based purely on the results of one’s own observation and analysis. That is, his pay for the same work is higher than mine, or his parents love younger brother more, etc.
• A long-term experience, and for some subjects it can stick forever.
• May cause rupture of strong family relations. If this is a childish resentment that remains unaddressed within the child, then it can subsequently result in a deep interpersonal conflict with parents.
• The ability to remain deep in the soul. Often a person is unable to admit that he is offended, which makes him even more unhappy.
• A feeling that the situation is irreparable.
• Blocking of consciousness. An offended person is unable to give objective assessment what's happening.
• May provoke a state of passion.

It is clear that resentment has very serious consequences. This is a loss of meaning in life, apathy and even suicidal thoughts.

But it is worth noting that you can only be offended by a loved one or loved one. A stranger can only insult.

People get offended in different ways

Before we start the discussion this issue, it is necessary to understand why it is very easy to offend some, while others are difficult. The point is that everyone gets offended differently. Some have many pronounced vulnerabilities, others have fewer and are hidden. It often happens that you can offend unconsciously, touching a nerve. It may seem that the person is very touchy, but in reality this is not the case.

Causes of grievances

There are three main sources:

1. Conscious manipulation. This is a deliberate airing of resentment in order to get what you want, as well as to cause guilt in another.
2. Inability to forgive. This is an unconscious manipulation that is the cause of most grievances. A person does not understand what and why he was offended, but he knows how to make amends for someone else.
3. Frustrated expectations. Everything is simple here. Let's say a woman wants an expensive gift, but gets a teddy bear, or when you count on the help of close friends, but there is none.

People with disabilities are more likely to be offended physical capabilities people who are in a state of stress, quarrels, depression, as well as loving and feeling sorry for themselves.

So, what is resentment in psychology? This is a monstrous feeling of annoyance that arises from sudden human actions. That is why the phrase is often heard that this could not be expected from him. But if you learn to recognize people right away, then there will be no room for resentment. After all, when a certain situation happens, the actions you expect take place, you won’t be offended.

We figured out what resentment is in psychology. How to get rid of it? Read more about it.

Resentment in psychology: how to get rid of it

These tips will help you overcome unpleasant feelings.

You need to learn to respond adequately to any unexpected negative situation, turn on the mind, and not be guided only by emotions.

It is necessary to find the root of the resentment. People often wonder why they did this to them, but they should ask another question, why irritability arises so quickly. It is necessary to deal with your emotions and engage in self-improvement.

You can’t hide behind carelessness and joy. Because by deceiving others, you drive resentment deep into the subconscious. What causes depression and poor emotional state.

There is no need to be afraid to talk about your feelings. Share your experiences. This will help you rethink the past situation, get rid of resentment, and possibly prevent the occurrence of unpleasant moments.

You cannot fit people into one frame by placing high hopes, because everyone is completely different, with individual character and perception. You don't have to be treated well and loved by everyone. You can't please everyone. By learning this truth, many hurtful situations can be avoided.

If there is a deliberate attempt to offend you, there is no need to show a reaction. And next time the person will not do this.

You cannot accumulate this feeling in yourself, otherwise, when resentment goes beyond the edges, quarrels, scandals and even separations begin. All nuances must be resolved as they arise.

You need to be able to forgive and let go of people from your life who constantly and deliberately offend you.

Do some self-reflection. The reason may be hidden behind your fatigue and irritation, overexertion, or old emotional wounds.

If it is difficult to cope with this problem on your own, it would be right to turn to a specialist for help.

It is clear from everything that it is possible to overcome resentment, the main thing is to use your mind and act quickly.

There is another good one practical method, which will help get rid of resentment. It's very simple. You need to take a pen and a piece of paper and write a letter of appeal to the offender. You should not restrain yourself in your statements, because no one will read it. Afterwards, you need to be alone in silence with yourself, rethink the situation, it will immediately become easier. Putting negative emotions out on paper is a great way to release anger.

Psychology: resentment towards everyone

As a rule, it appears in tandem with a feeling of guilt. Some are offended by something, others, experiencing remorse, trying to please everyone, try to correct a past mistake.

Before we move on to discussing the grievances of men (in psychology), let’s figure out why people are offended.

They fall into three main categories:

• people living in the past;
• overly emotional;
• vindictive.

People who live in the past run the risk of developing a complex from a long-standing resentment. Let's say a man who harbored a grudge against one woman in his youth will experience a similar feeling towards others throughout his life.

People of the second type are able to embellish the situation and exaggerate the offense. And the most difficult thing is that it is almost impossible to convince such a person that the problem is far-fetched.

Grudgers are scary because for a long time hatch and try to implement a plan for revenge.

Thus, we smoothly moved on to the next question.

Psychology of male grievances

Representatives of the stronger sex find it difficult to admit their own weaknesses. Therefore, they do not give direct answers to questions, avoid them in every possible way, or speak evasively.

The ability to disguise offense well makes it possible. But men are offended.

Let's look at the reasons:

1. Manner of speaking. Excessive straightforwardness and harshness can not only offend, but even push people away.
2. You must always remain correct. In anger and process, you should not touch a man’s sore spot. For example, if he is worried about a low salary, you should not reproach him for this. There is no need to criticize his masculinity.
3. Men, as a rule, do not talk about the lack of love and affection. And perhaps the offense is a manipulation to attract attention. You need to engage in self-analysis to avoid such a situation.
4. The person can be very emotional and impulsive. Perceive everything acutely, obsessing over trifles. In this case, you need to understand that with age, they need to be accepted as such.
5. Inflated self-esteem can cause resentment. When parents early childhood they praised their son, extolled him to the skies, and then the wife expresses her dissatisfaction, the husband will not tolerate this. He does not understand this attitude and is not used to it.

You need to understand that men are straightforward. They either tell the truth or simply remain silent. After unflattering statements, he may withdraw into himself. But this will not indicate resentment. Thus, he moves away and calms down, reflects, after which he comes up and apologizes.

The situation is much more complicated with children’s grievances against their parents.

Children's grievances

Until the age of five, they are offended by any parental prohibition. At this stage, kids believe that everything was created for them and belongs only to them. As the child grows up, he will begin to understand that he is not alone in the world, and there will be much less resentment.

From five to twelve years conscious. And their wishes must be listened to, because this can become a source of deep problems and misunderstandings.

Childhood resentment (in psychology it is considered so) entails anger, rage, desire for revenge, and disappointment. This is difficult to deal with, so various psychological problems which can affect the child's entire life.

They must be taught to forgive in early childhood to avoid big problems in adult life.

How to help your child cope with resentment

Resentment and forgiveness of parents by children in psychology is vital important question. The main thing that adults should know is that you cannot ignore your child’s grievances. If your baby is asking for another toy, you should not leave, ignoring his cry. You need to explain why you can't buy it.

When a child withdraws into himself, this is an alarm signal. He must be brought out of this state by any means. Take a walk, watch a cartoon together, and then be sure to return to this situation and figure out what caused it.

Everything needs to be discussed with the child. It is impossible to keep silent and simply punish. We need to break the system: resentment - anger - desire for revenge.

In addition to resentment, forgiveness in psychology is no less significant moment. Forgiveness is the most important thing parents can teach a child. Any methods are suitable for this: reading books, watching cartoons, singing, dancing. The main thing is that the child does not accumulate negative emotions. He may not be able to fully forgive his offender, but if there is no desire for revenge, this is already half the success. There is a lot of beauty in life, and it needs to be shown and emphasized.

But resentment (in psychology it is considered so) is not always a bad feeling. It helps you look at yourself from the outside. See those character traits that need improvement. After all, resentment can arise due to chronic fatigue, persecution, is an invitation to change and relaxation.

How to forgive an insult

We understood the concept of resentment in psychology, learned how negatively and destructively it affects a person. After all, an offended person cannot function normally and simply enjoy life.

But it’s not enough to understand what resentment is in psychology. How to deal with this? A frequently asked question that we will try to answer.

Here are psychologists' tips on how to forgive an offense.

You need to calm down and soberly assess the situation, imagine what life will be like if you continue to be offended. This is the psychology of people - grievances have a crushing force.

It is worth analyzing in writing what led to this situation. What offended you, what sore spots did your opponent press on, because in this way he pointed to yours weaknesses.

You need to start with words of forgiveness. Repeat the phrase “I free myself from resentment” many times and it will really become easier. The worst offense (in psychology it is considered so) is against the mother, who prevents her from building her own happy family. It is important to understand that she gave you life and forgive her.

Fight resentment with a sense of humor. The ability to laugh at yourself will help you endure troubles easier.

To overcome resentment, you can find the following advice in psychology: people often offend others unconsciously, perhaps this is your case. No identical people, everyone perceives what is done and said in their own way. But in order to clarify the situation, you can bring the offender into conversation and set all the accents, find out his intentions and speak out yourself.

Every person is capable of forgiving an offense. If you let it go, it becomes much easier. This complex process, at first it will be difficult, but then it will become automatic.

Resentment and self-defense (in psychology it is considered so) are closely related. Resentment is a certain degree of self-defense, thanks to which the offended person calls to himself special attention, a feeling of compassion, pity, thereby showing one’s “I”.

This is a psychological reaction of a person, the purpose of which is to influence the opponent. It arises due to the fact that the expected does not coincide with reality.

Components of Resentment

How are grievances and expectations related in psychology? To understand this issue, you need to consider three components:

1. Construction of the expected result. A person mentally pictures the outcome of an upcoming event. But, unfortunately, it does not always coincide with what is desired. People are different, with their own worldview. All problems have one source - the inability to speak. Instead of silently waiting for the implementation of the plan according to your own scenario, it is better to talk with the person, find out his wishes and find out about his upcoming actions. And if there is love and respect, this act will not feel like manipulation.
2. Observation. You need to not just watch, you need to think about your expectations, perceive the behavior of another person, evaluate and criticize.
3. Comparing expectations with reality. You won't always get what you want in the end. That's why resentment arises. The more inconsistencies there are, the stronger it will be. You cannot impose your point of view on a stranger; he has the right to do as he wants. It is necessary to make it a rule that you need to rely only on yourself. If expectations are not met, solve the problem by talking about it.

There is no need to lead to offense, they need to be warned. And it’s better, of course, not at all; it’s difficult, but quite possible.

Even this feeling has its positive sides

The benefits are as follows:

1. Our weaknesses are revealed. You need to get to the bottom of the source of the resentment.
2. In the event of a breakup, resentment acts as a pain reliever. Self-pity, anger and rage help you quickly free yourself from memories, give you the strength to move forward and leave everything in the past.
3. Resentment allows you to throw out bad emotions. Sometimes clarifying relationships is even useful.

And one more interesting fact. More often offended people come from Because they got what they wanted. Because of this, they have developed two shortcomings: the belief that everyone around them owes them, and the inability to work.

Therefore, resentment must be eradicated from early childhood. Get rid of it in a timely manner, because it can cause physical and psychological diseases.

“Have you been offended by a kind person? - Don't believe it.

Bad? - Don’t be surprised” © Seneca

Resentment is a state inherent children's age, it is there that it originates, and then accompanies us throughout life.

However, resentment is normal. human feeling. IN everyday life this feeling arises when events occur that are unplanned by us, something unpleasant happens to us. Suddenly life goes on not along the route or plan as we would like. We don’t know how to deal with this, we are not ready for such a turn of events, we want to protect ourselves from the situation, from circumstances, and how defensive reaction a feeling of resentment arises.

Resentment is a natural reaction that we will periodically experience and we can learn to control it, but deep down, sometimes we will be hurt and wounded.

There is another concept - resentment, that is, a chronic state of resentment.

What you and I definitely need to free ourselves from is touchiness as a quality of character. Touchiness is a more mental concept, it is already a state of mind. This is already a cause for concern. Psychologists say that touchiness is a manifestation of a child’s ego state. There is always a child inside each of us, regardless of our age. And this child is either happy or lonely inside us.

Sometimes it is he who makes decisions for us, issues emotional outbursts, unpredictable behavior, and it is he who is able to easily learn and find the most incredible creative solutions.

Don't let your inner child be touchy. Learn to respond correctly to grievances like a mature person

Often our negative emotions are directed at the wrong person. These are the so-called portable feelings, i.e. ones that I experienced or experienced as a small child.

Function mature man- show respect for a person when we must definitely clarify the situation, even if the interlocutor’s words cause us pain and resentment. Unfortunately, in most cases we do not want to hear each other, we only want to hear ourselves and the point of view that somehow coincides with ours.

In order to respond correctly to grievances, it is very important to learn to label your feelings. And you need to learn this in the model “I am messages” or “I am statements”

More often we say “you - by messages”. We say: “You annoy me, you bother me, you act this way or that way.” We always begin our speech with the pronoun “You”, and almost never say “I”.

What does “I am statements” mean?

As children, we were never taught to pay attention to our feelings and sensations. Thus, it is not common for us to understand ourselves and our feelings. But it is important to learn this understanding of yourself and your feelings.

How do “I-messages” help you respond correctly to grievances?

It is very important to understand that we always feel something. Learn to turn to your inner feelings and wishes before becoming offended by anyone. Then, try to speak out these feelings, starting with the pronoun “I”. For example: “I feel pain right now” or “I feel irritable right now” or “I feel scared right now” and “I am aware of how I feel in at the moment time."

We need to study and understand such moments in order to learn how to respond correctly to grievances. The man accepted definite solution, he said hurtful or unpleasant words to you.

And you were offended by him, and you can carry this feeling of resentment for who knows how long. But if before that he told you: “You know, I’m completely shrunk inside right now. And I’m so uncomfortable inside myself and it’s like I can’t breathe.”

The person has indicated his feelings; will his words or intonation offend you in this case?

If you begin to understand your feelings and label them, you will soon begin to understand the feelings of other people. And then the hour will not be long when the offense will not be so destructive for you personally. To do this, keep a diary where you will describe all your feelings and emotional state, starting with the words “as if...”.

And if you share your feelings and experiences with someone, you will be surprised to find that from time to time people experience the same condition. Then the understanding will come that the claim is not against people. The reason is not them, it is your condition that occurs periodically. And it is your decision whether to be offended or not.

99% of all grievances are portable feelings

In fact, there are few real grievances, and mostly we tend to resolve real grievances. That is, we have some real grievances, but one way or another we want to clarify them, we have a desire to clarify them. But when these are portable feelings, we feel that it is impossible to clarify, correct, we have a feeling of despair and helplessness, exactly the same feelings that we experienced when we were little. As a child, few people heard us, few people were interested in us, they simply told us: “Shut up, stop it immediately!”

It is this feature of transference feelings that is the reason that we prefer to distance ourselves, be offended, and angry. We get stuck in this emotion, exclusively in childhood condition. This means that your feelings were addressed to someone from your childhood.

If you have been offended, have the patience to understand that perhaps the person is projecting their childhood fears and grievances onto you.

How to stop being offended?

And when you are offended, just look at the offender. Think about who offended you in this way, who once ignored you. Where were you so hurt that now this person simply reminded you of this feeling? And now all those feelings that you had, having multiplied, you address to this innocent person. This is the essence of the offense.

Mental resentment as a social tool of pressure on others

Mental resentment is a resentment that practically does not let go, and this is our special taste for life. For example, when you were a child, your parents paid attention to you when you were offended. AND small child I realized how to influence this world in order to be heard.

As an adult, you use this emotion to influence and manipulate others.

Mental resentment occurs when one manipulates an illness or “pouting lips,” causing the other person to feel guilty.

The manipulator may have a sad expression on his face, sigh, when asked about his well-being, asks not to pay attention to him, etc. Often mothers unconsciously manipulate their children: “When I die, you’ll know...”

It is impossible to get rid of mental resentment, because a person is not in the mood to forgive at all. He gets a special taste from resentment. Such people often turn to a psychologist. But their goal is not to get rid of the resentment, but to once again mourn themselves or prove to others that it is impossible to help, and that the psychologist is good for nothing. They play their favorite game “Yes, but...” and this game will never end.

How to properly respond to mental grievances?

Think about what should happen to your offender? Fair punishment - atomic bomb and imagine that it happened. Then ask yourself, “Are you satisfied?” No satisfaction.

Nothing can satisfy mental resentment. It's like throwing wood into a fire and waiting for it to go out. This is our desire to be offended. We haven’t learned to attract attention any other way. Our racketeering emotions are to blame for this.

Tips to help you respond correctly to grievances

• Firstly, it is necessary to distinguish between resentment and resentment.

• You can get rid of grievances only from a position of reason.

• People around us should not try to please us, otherwise it is either a manifestation of love, good character, or a favor.

• Try to perceive the actions of others as a favor, and not as obligatory actions. This will immediately show you that it is stupid to be offended and you need to enjoy life more.

• But we should not forget that grievances can be small (and easier to forget), but there can also be big ones that can bring serious suffering and leave emotional wounds.

  “Nature has arranged it in such a way that insults are remembered longer than good deeds. Good things are forgotten, but insults stubbornly remain in the memory." Seneca

• Only those who hear at least a grain of truth in the words spoken are offended.
  A defensive reaction kicks in and we try to escape awareness. internal problems and switch to the “offender”. Work on your weak character traits, and then some words will no longer be offensive.

• Conflict situations can attract resentment. Try to prevent conflicts or get out of them wisely.

• Be wary if your interlocutor repeats a mutual friend’s opinion about you. This automatically causes resentment and irritation. Don't gossip.

Respect yourself and don't let insults hurt you