If the level of your communication skills does not suit you, and you want to improve the quality of communication with others, we advise you to follow simple recommendations, which can significantly improve the quality of your communication with your interlocutors.
Tip 1
It’s better to start communication with interesting question. Listen carefully to your interlocutor's answer, this will endear him to you.
Tip 2
Ask your interlocutor for advice, for example, in choosing a cocktail or restaurant. By doing this, you will let your interlocutor understand the importance of his opinion for you.
Tip 3
The most valuable advice. To properly assess yourself as an interlocutor, periodically apply an economic concept to the conversation. Imagine a conversation in the form of a bank, your remarks in the form of loans, your interlocutor’s remarks in the form of investments. From this position, the conversation can be presented as follows. In addition to your remarks and stories, loans include:
- lie,
- flattery,
- inappropriate gestures
- disagreement, argument with the interlocutor,
- indecent questions, remarks,
- unnecessary stories about yourself and unknown to your interlocutor, your friends.
However, we include the following as investments:
- usage correct language bodies,
- witty jokes,
- encouraging your interlocutor's ideas,
- agreement with the interlocutor,
- appropriate compliments,
- attentiveness to his stories.
Now try to increase, starting from scratch, the balance of your communication.
Tip 4
This is an ancient practice of endearing oneself to one's interlocutor, and is also used modern psychologists. Try to repeat every gesture of your interlocutor. The hand he places on the table or the crossing of his legs, copied by you, as in a mirror, will significantly endear the person to you on an unconscious level. But don't overdo it - it shouldn't be noticeable.
Tip 5
Change the depth of the conversation towards its gradual increase. This will open up the interlocutor and bring you closer to him.
Tip 6
In order not to be boring when talking about yourself, before it make an attachment according to the above economic concept conversations.
Tip 7
Allow your interlocutor to open up to you with his most interesting side, by direct question about interesting facts from his life and about him directly.
Tip 8
Ask your interlocutor how he spends his free time from his main activity.
Tip 9
One of the most important advice: Be an attentive listener. Show sincere interest in the stories of your interlocutor, ask leading and clarifying questions, let your interlocutor understand that you are interested in him - this will arouse mutual feelings in him.
Tip 10
Always speak at a measured, unhurried pace, breaking this rule only when the pace of your interlocutor’s speech is somewhat accelerated. Echo him.
Tip 11
In order not to offend your interlocutor by abruptly changing the topic, do it gently, first making an “attachment”, then change the topic.
Tip 12
Give compliments the right way. A compliment should highlight the person's achievements, not theirs. natural properties. When communicating with an athlete, tell him about his beautiful physical fitness, with a careerist - about his excellent business acumen.
Tip 13
At corporate parties, encourage people who know each other but are in different companies to communicate. This will make your image more friendly.
Why can some people make friends easily, while other people are very reserved and do not know how to do this? After all, we are all born with the same abilities: we do not know how to walk, talk, meet people, etc. As children, we fully express ourselves and have fun. Some people retain this inner drive from childhood, while others lose it under the influence of their environment. What to do about it? How to regain your former self-confidence and learn to communicate with people? We'll tell you in the article.
Why is it worth making acquaintances and communicating with people?
Do you think our environment greatly influences us? Remember how carefree we were as children and how easy it was to make acquaintances. But then they began to unconsciously learn from others and the media how to behave “correctly.” How much have we changed? 100%, with rare exceptions. Our environment has a huge influence on us. As one popular business consultant says:
“Show me the 5 people you spend the most time with and I'll tell you how rich you are ” .
The same applies to health, relationships, level of education and other areas of life. Therefore, it is very important to know how to communicate with new people in order to make acquaintances with those who will be useful to you and will make your life better.
Of course, you can resist the influence of your environment. But still, the people with whom you spend your time influence and change us more strongly. And that is why you need to choose your environment yourself, and not leave everything to chance.
Why do we sometimes have “nothing to say”
Sometimes the question arises: “How to start communicating with new people if I don’t know what to say to them after “Hello!”.” We've all encountered this problem. We want to produce positive impression on a person, but all words and thoughts seem to evaporate. Because of this, we experience discomfort and feel somehow “wrong”.
In fact, we always have something to say. It is fears that block your communication skills. Because of fear, we limit the topics we can talk about in order to:
- Don't seem stupid
- Don't insult your interlocutor
- Do not make a negative impression about yourself, etc.
As a result, it turns out that we either cannot say anything at all, or we say mediocre questions like “How are you?” or “How was your day?” , which don't really mean anything. They are asked simply to fill the void.
But give up these inhibitions and allow the conversation to go in an unknown direction. Do you know what kind of conversation goes on a straight line? Boring. So just talk about everything that comes to mind. Ask questions and then it is important not to speak yourself, but much more important to be able to listen to your interlocutor. Remove all blocks! Even if you accidentally offend your interlocutor, there is always the opportunity to sincerely apologize.
Don't be afraid to take the conversation in your direction.
How to communicate with new people correctly? The way you want it: you can listen to your interlocutor, or you can conduct the conversation yourself. If everything is simple with the first option, then what about the second? What does it mean to have a conversation and how to do it effectively?
Let's talk about it.
Are you interested in listening to people who passionately talk about something? Surely yes. We usually get caught up in the enthusiasm and energy these people exude when talking about their favorite topics. Even if the topic was not too interesting to us initially.
Therefore, if you want to seize the initiative in the conversation and lead it in your direction, feel free to do so. Unobtrusively take the conversation in a direction that interests you and talk about it with enthusiasm.
Where can you find topics for an interesting conversation?
Most interesting conversation happens when you don’t know at all what you will talk about with a person. Because such a conversation is like a roller coaster: it goes up sharply, then flies down, and then turns sharply to the right at great speed. This is not the same as having a boring conversation according to a plan.
But how to communicate with people so that it is interesting? Where can I get topics for conversation? And how to develop the conversation in an interesting and exciting direction? How to make contact?
- Look around and find something interesting. Let's say you are at a meeting with a lot of people. At such meetings huge amount potential interlocutors, so: go up to a stranger or your friend and ask him for what purpose he came here. At the same time, share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.
- Remember fascinating stories from life. If you want to be very interesting conversationalist– learn some of them by heart. Having worked on pauses in the right places, changes in intonation, etc. When you start a conversation you will worry less.
- Ask yourself: what could I ask the other person? And try to repeat it until you find something interesting. Our brain is designed in such a way that initially it gives the simplest and most obvious solutions, but over time it begins to dig deeper and deeper. Using this question will help you have a meaningful dialogue.
- IN as a last resort use standard questions: cinema, music, sports, etc. These topics can also be developed in an interesting direction.
How to develop a conversation and make it interesting? Listen to your interlocutor and ask about the details of the story, you can ask clarifying questions. It's all in the details - that's usually the fun part. Plus, you'll show the person that you're listening carefully and not just standing in front of them and nodding. The ability to listen and hear your interlocutor will give you a lot of topics for communication with a new interlocutor.
How to make friends with strangers
We talked about what we talked about above, now a little practice. How to start communicating with people, making acquaintances at work, school, various events, or just on the street? How to appear attractive to other people?
There are several rules for this:
- Use not only words, but also voice intonation, facial expressions and body language
Agree, it is much more interesting to communicate with a person who, during the conversation:
- speaks loudly
- changes the intonation of the voice in interesting and significant places in the story,
- uses hands to show something
- and openly expresses emotions on the face through facial expressions.
Pay attention to this important skill, it will significantly improve your speech. Applying these simple tips you will be able to conduct a dialogue more lively and interesting than those who speak monotonously and are in tense positions. With such active people willing to make acquaintances.
- Smile
Everyone likes to see the faces of people around them. sincere smiles. A smile requires you to make an emotional investment in conversation, but you will be rewarded.
Therefore, when making acquaintances, smile more often - this way your appearance will seem more friendly to others, and they are unlikely to refuse to get to know you.
- Talk to strangers as if you were talking to loved ones
Don't strain yourself when you want to talk to stranger. Imagine that you have known him for a long time. Do you think this is weird? But put yourself in his place: would you really be pleased if people around you were afraid of you and were nervous when talking to you? Of course not. And the people around you don't want it either.
- Making eye contact will help you succeed in a conversation.
Look the other person in the eye when you communicate. Only occasionally look away so that it doesn’t look strange.
In order to make acquaintances, you can use several more reasons:
- discuss the purpose of the meeting (if you are at the event);
- find out how things are going in the company,
- what kind of people are here (if this is your first day at work);
- what brought your interlocutor to this educational institution(if you are studying).
Don’t ask yourself the question “How to communicate with people correctly.” It is untrue in itself. After all, there are no prohibitions and right paths there is no development of conversation.
Just be active: constantly communicate with new people. Then you will have interesting circle communication and you will develop your communication skills.
How to stop being afraid of public opinion
Why can't we make acquaintances and just chat with a stranger? This can happen during your first day at school or work, while attending an event, or just while walking if you meet an attractive man or woman you would like to meet.
As soon as we have the desire to go and talk to a person, we are attacked by thoughts like these:
- What if this person refuses to meet me?
- What if I look insecure?
- What if I have nothing to say, etc.
In order to remove these thoughts, you need to know a little communication psychology. Namely: how to stop being afraid of the opinions of others.
Nobody wants to look like an insecure person, but the problem is that if you constantly think about it, that’s exactly what you will look like.
What to do about it?
Go towards your fear and understand that nothing bad will happen to you. No one will beat you for trying to get to know each other, no one will remember every day and laugh at the stupid thing you said or anything else.
When you make enough attempts to get to know each other and realize that the opinions of others mean nothing - and that no one thinks about you - you will relax and your fears will simply disappear. You will become a confident person and will be able to easily start a conversation with anyone.
No one will film your unsuccessful attempts get acquainted and post them on the Internet. No one will tell this to your acquaintances and friends. Because the focus of every person is on himself. You are the center of attention for yourself. And each person is exactly the same center of attention for himself. We are preoccupied with our own problems and have no interest in judging other people.
“All people think that others evaluate them. But this is an illusion: everyone is preoccupied with themselves and does not think about you ” .
On the one hand, it may seem a little sad that no one cares about you. But look at it this way: you can do whatever you want. Meet and calmly communicate with new people if you want. Many will enjoy your company.
Exercises to erase fear of public opinion
Your fear of communication is your “monster”. Only when you get rid of this “monster” that takes away all your conversation topics and makes you feel uncomfortable, will you begin to easily meet new people.
It is important for you to create right attitude to other people. What exercises will help you with this?
- When walking down the street, say “Hello” or “Hello” to strangers.
- If the first exercise is too easy for you, ask people for the time or directions to a place.
- Give compliments to strangers. You can stop them by saying something like this: “Hello! Please stop for a second. I wanted to say that you have great style!” . Then you can wish Have a good day and just move on. Remember that this means you are nothing bad to a person you don’t, but on the contrary, you can lift his mood.
If these exercises are uncomfortable for you, then you definitely need to do them. Why? Because first of all, it will show you that most people are friendly and don't mind chatting with you at all. And secondly, that you have realized your problem and really want to overcome your fears
Of course, not everyone will answer. But the problem is usually not you: most people are so immersed in their thoughts that they don’t hear anything around them. Or they don't have the energy to respond to you at all.
So don't worry about being ignored. This is the whole point of the exercise - to feel discomfort and understand that nothing bad will happen to you if you talk to strangers. Be a polite and tactful interlocutor, then the maximum that can happen to you is that you will be ignored.
Working on yourself
Constant communication is one of the important components of developing communication skills. But sometimes the problems that make us afraid to communicate can be deeper. Therefore, it is worth working on the following points:
- Accept yourself as you are. If you can't make a drastic change at the moment, then why worry about it? Will being overly concerned help you? Of course not.
Learn to love yourself. The following will help with this:
- Praise yourself more often
- do not give control over your self-esteem into the wrong hands;
- keep a success diary in which you write down each of your victories
By doing this, you will stop dwelling on your mistakes.
- Don't run away from hard work and fear. If you encounter something that you don't think you can overcome, just tell yourself: “Yes, it will be hard, but it is possible. At least I’ll try and if it doesn’t work, I’ll gain communication experience.”
This will be useful if you want to get to know someone, but you are caught by one of the fears that we described in previous chapters.
- Learn to be patient. You can develop your communication skills endlessly. It's like sharpening a sword: no matter how much you sharpen it, it will never be perfect.
You should want to develop communication skills, but at the same time, do not care about the result. Because it will prevent you from developing in communication. Just work on yourself and praise for every achievement: a new acquaintance, an exercise completed, an interesting conversation with someone, etc.
- Read more fiction. The more you have vocabulary, the more interesting and competent you can conduct a dialogue. What to read? Whatever you like: you can have classics, you can have detective stories, or you can have novels.
The main thing is that reading brings you pleasure - this will help you not to stop and learn to communicate with strangers.
- Learn to be cheerful and open. Why is this so important? Because when approaching people, main value that you can give is positive emotions. And you can call them if you are an open and cheerful person.
You can share your failures in conversation and laugh at them - this is one of the the best ways put your interlocutor at ease and relax.
Completion
The most important thing to remember about learning how to communicate with people is to try to meet new people. Reading useful material, like this article, is just an assistant. You need to constantly take action to develop communication skills.
- keep starting conversations,
- be tactful
- polite,
- smile,
- take initiative
- save eye contact,
- ask questions
- The main thing is to listen carefully to your interlocutor,
- think about him
- be relaxed
- move forward and don't expect results.
So forget about what other people think about you and learn! Remember: we learn valuable lessons not only from successful attempts, but also from failed ones. Please share your experience in the comments.
Target: learn to compare positive and negative actions; learn to evaluate these actions; establish rules of behavior at school; develop the ability to behave correctly during changes.
Preliminary work: reading Mayakovsky's poem “What is and what is bad?”, drawing “My first day at school.
Progress of the conversation:
Guys, imagine that you are students and are in first grade. You know how to behave at school during lessons and breaks. We'll look at the pictures now and you'll understand how!
(1 slide)
What is shown in this picture? (the boy, covered with a book, plays Tetris). (Children's answers)
Do you think it is possible to do this? (children's answers)
Of course not. During the lesson you need to study and listen to the teacher, and not play. When can you do this? Yes, on recess.
(2 slide)
(the teacher entered the classroom and the children stood up)
Do you think this is correct? (children's answers)
Yes, that's right. And for what? (children's answers). In order to greet and meet the teacher. Well done.
(3 slide)
(The boy throws everything off the table and drops the chair)
Is it possible to behave this way at school? (children's answers)
Of course not. Textbooks and school supplies need to be taken care of, because other children will study from these textbooks. This kind of behavior is not acceptable at school. We must restrain ourselves and keep school supplies and property in order.
(4 slide)
(the boy is sitting in class)
Please describe what is shown in the picture? (children's answers)
He has the correct posture, he raised his hand correctly to answer the teacher’s question. His desk is tidy and his supplies are neatly stacked. He is very neat and well-mannered. Do you like this student? So I want you to be like that at school too.
(5 slide)
(boys splash water during recess)
Do you think these boys are doing good or bad? (children's answers)
Of course not. Water pistols and sprinklers are not allowed into school. You need to play with them during bath time, not during recess.
What can you play during recess? (children's answers)
You're right. During recess you can play calm games or board games. You can go to the gym and play ball or jump rope.
(6 slide)
(Children give flowers to the teacher)
Children congratulate the teacher on some holiday. What holiday do you think? (children's answers)
It can be any holiday. For example, March 8 or birthday or teacher's day. How would you rate the behavior of these children? (children's answers)
They are well-mannered, friendly, attentive, loving their teacher.
And now we will play the game “What is good, what is bad.” There are two pictures in front of you. One with well-educated children, and the other with uneducated children. You take turns naming the good and bad qualities of these children. For each correct answer, you get a chip ( good quality- red, poor quality - blue). At the end of the game, we will count the chips and see who named the most good and bad qualities.
Summary of the conversation:
You and I have seen how to behave at school. That you need to listen carefully to the teacher and not be distracted by extraneous activities. We also learned that during recess there is no need to disturb other children and the teacher, but you can play calm or board games. Be attentive, well-mannered, take care of school supplies and property. And I wish you to be like that at school.
Municipal budget educational institution
"Average secondary school No. 11"
Conversation with older children preschool age
on the topic: “How should you behave at school?”
Compiled by: Afanasyeva E. V.
Angarsk, 2017
Conversation with children of senior preschool age on the topic “How do you weigh yourself at school?”
Target: learn to compare positive and negative actions; learn to evaluate these actions; establish rules of behavior at school; develop the ability to behave correctly during changes.
Preliminary work: reading Mayakovsky's poem “What is and what is bad?”, drawing “My first day at school.
Progress of the conversation:
Guys, imagine that you are students and are in first grade. You know how to behave at school during lessons and breaks. We'll look at the pictures now and you'll understand how!
What is shown in this picture? (the boy, covered with a book, plays Tetris). (Children's answers)
Do you think it is possible to do this? (children's answers)
Of course not. During the lesson you need to study and listen to the teacher, and not play. When can you do this? Yes, on recess.
(the teacher entered the classroom and the children stood up)
Do you think this is correct? (children's answers)
Yes, that's right. And for what? (children's answers). In order to greet and meet the teacher. Well done.
(The boy throws everything off the table and drops the chair)
Is it possible to behave this way at school? (children's answers)
Of course not. Textbooks and school supplies need to be taken care of, because other children will study from these textbooks. This kind of behavior is not acceptable at school. We must restrain ourselves and keep school supplies and property in order.
(the boy is sitting in class)
Please describe what is shown in the picture? (children's answers)
He has the correct posture, he raised his hand correctly to answer the teacher’s question. His desk is tidy and his supplies are neatly stacked. He is very neat and well-mannered. Do you like this student? So I want you to be like that at school too.
(boys splash water during recess)
Do you think these boys are doing good or bad? (children's answers)
Of course not. Water pistols and sprinklers are not allowed into school. You need to play with them during bath time, not during recess.
What can you play during recess? (children's answers)
You're right. During recess you can play calm games or board games. You can go to the gym and play ball or jump rope.
(Children give flowers to the teacher)
Children congratulate the teacher on some holiday. What holiday do you think? (children's answers)
It can be any holiday. For example, March 8 or birthday or teacher's day. How would you rate the behavior of these children? (children's answers)
They are well-mannered, friendly, attentive, loving their teacher.
And now we will play the game “What is good, what is bad.” There are two pictures in front of you. One with well-educated children, and the other with uneducated children. You take turns naming the good and bad qualities of these children. For each correct answer, you get a chip (good quality - red, bad quality - blue). At the end of the game, we will count the chips and see who named the most good and bad qualities.
Summary of the conversation:
You and I have seen how to behave at school. That you need to listen carefully to the teacher and not be distracted by extraneous activities. We also learned that during breaks there is no need to disturb other children and the teacher, but you can play calm or board games. Be attentive, well-mannered, and take care of school supplies and property. And I wish you to be like that at school.
Municipal budgetary educational institution
"Secondary school No. 11"
Conversation with children of senior preschool age
on the topic: “How should you behave at school?”
Compiled by: Afanasyeva E. V.
You can learn to conduct a conversation correctly in a civilized society, you just need to learn to develop certain skills in communicating with people. Not every person can have casual and intelligent conversations. In the art of conversation, you need to practice for a long time, but you shouldn’t be too talkative, you need to be well-versed in the general topic of the conversation, you also need to adapt to your interlocutor, and after long training you can become a pleasant and interesting interlocutor.
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Photo gallery: Rules of etiquette during a conversation
First of all, in a conversation you need to try not to use the loud “I”; the cultural tone of behavior requires you to avoid topics that are unpleasant for him or those that will cause boredom in a conversation with your interlocutor.
To maintain a conversation, you need to choose topics that will be interesting to your interlocutor. It is very incorrect to conduct a conversation in a language that other people do not understand.
Each word must be pronounced very clearly and confidently so that your interlocutor can understand you. But at the same time, you should not talk very loudly, so as not to end up in an awkward position. If a third opponent intervenes in your conversation, and your conversation was of an intimate nature, you need to be quite correct and delicate.
Under no circumstances should you show during a conversation that you are bored, tiring, or that you would like to talk with other people. Also, you should not hold in your hands any objects that could distract you from the conversation or look at your watch all the time.
In order for you to feel confident and at ease when talking with strangers, to start a conversation without any problems and speak freely on any topic, you need special preparation. It should be borne in mind that in any civilized society you should be as natural, confident and calm as possible.
The number of problems discussed can be very diverse, but you should only talk about those topics in which you are confident. Do not tell your interlocutors about your problems, troubles, illnesses or thoughts about the weather.
To make your conversation with others interesting and attract the attention of your interlocutors, you need to have good feeling humor and great ingenuity.
You can talk about the weather with a person you don’t know well, since this topic is the most conflict-free and you don’t need to come up with a topic for conversation at all.
When talking to a stranger, it is best not to talk about personal topics or about your life. After talking about the weather, you can start a conversation about television, sports or newspaper news. Eventually you will be able to find interesting topic for the interlocutor.
When receiving guests at home, an awkward silence may unexpectedly arise for everyone and there is nothing to worry about. At such an inconvenient moment for everyone, you can treat everyone to tea and cake and the conversation will resume again.
Conducting a discussion is a great art, which not everyone can conduct. You need to join the discussion immediately, while clarifying what ideas the discussants have about the presented topics that have become the subject of discussion. To defend your position, you need to present your indisputable facts that the interlocutor does not know about. Do not use words during a conversation such as “selfish”, “slow-witted”, “cynic”, so as not to offend your interlocutor in any way. In conversation, you need to avoid any generalizations. So that the discussion does not turn into a quarrel or altercation when you defend your point of view and not try to offend your interlocutor.
A well-mannered and civilized person during a conversation will not tell people around him about his work, family and children, personal life, illnesses, experiences and habits. He also won’t talk about what he did in the morning. Cultural and well-mannered person will never gossip.
If they try to talk to you about such a topic, you need to delicately answer that this does not concern you. If you hear that they are gossiping about you, you should not pay attention to it. Very often topics can be discussed about appearance people you know, you should not support such conversations, as they are incorrect.
In small companies, you should not start a conversation with topics that will be incomprehensible to your interlocutors, this is very impolite, and you should also not talk with hints that will be understandable only to some people. If the company has less than seven people present, you need to support general theme conversations rather than other individual conversations. You should not speak in conversation with other people. foreign languages, which your interlocutors do not own.
It is very unsightly to interrupt your interlocutors during a conversation, especially if the person is elderly. Do not suggest words to the narrator, correct mistakes in words, or finish the phrase for him.
It is not advisable to make any comments to adults; only young people can afford this, both in a friendly and professional manner, by the way.
You should not ask your partner about his illnesses, even if he noticed that he felt unwell just recently or was previously in the hospital. If the interlocutor wishes, he will talk about his illness himself.
Don’t ask people who earns money and how much – it’s very ugly. It is completely incorrect to ask women or girls you know about their marriage or why they don’t get married, to be surprised about this and generally start a conversation on such topics.
If a person leaves without explanation or refers to being busy, you should not demand from him detailed explanations. If, nevertheless, they tell you the reason for leaving, you do not need to dissuade him and do not try to give advice.
In lively companies, all men should give pleasant compliments to the women around them, but do it very correctly and not at all intrusive. You need to talk calmly, confidently and not loudly, but very categorically, without entering into discussions. Respond to a given compliment with a short phrase.
On no funny joke and tactlessness should be reacted calmly, a minute of silence after such statements works very well, and after a couple of minutes someone should start a conversation on a different topic. If a person continues to tell his tactless anecdotes and jokes, which can lead other people into absolute confusion, then one of the interlocutors must stop him.
You shouldn’t tell too many jokes without giving people time to come to their senses. It’s better to tell jokes that are relevant, unobtrusive and funny. A person who tries to show off his intelligence and wit with stupid jokes, in most cases makes a bad impression on others.
You need to be able not only to talk, but also to listen. Do not look at your interlocutor with “renounced” eyes, which may reflect your absent-mindedness and worries. When a person is telling you something, it is rude to be distracted by other people, look away, rummage in your bag, keep looking at your watch, or divert your attention to watching TV. You need to look at your interlocutor with interest and from time to time insert comments, while emphasizing that such a conversation is very interesting to you. If you have already heard the topic of the conversation before, then you should immediately note “Yes, I have already heard this and I know about it,” so as not to interrupt your interlocutor later. Polite and cultured person, will never interrupt another person’s story during a conversation, even if he has heard it many times already.
Girls and boys who are already 18 years old should be addressed as “you”. You can start talking to someone you already know on a first-name basis only after you make sure that your interlocutor is interested in this.
Facial expressions and gestures during a conversation are also very important, with the help of which our speech becomes clearer and more expressive. Your gestures should be expressive and clearly refined, but the main thing is not to overdo it with your gestures.
