What's in the article:
Comforting someone who has recently lost a loved one or someone who is terminally ill can be difficult. Today on the website Koshechka.ru we’ll talk about these 2 global topics, which do not have unambiguous solutions.
How to comfort a dying person?
Superficial consolation expressed in words: “Well, brace yourself!” or “How I understand you!” – much worse simple silence near. Paradoxical? But this is true.
What exactly can you do to console a person who is terminally ill? In order to understand this, it is important to know that those who are already on the brink are seriously progressing in personally. A lot is changing:
- little things are no longer so important, but elementary phenomena acquire special value - fallen snow, falling leaves, deafening downpour;
- there is no obligation - and the desire for life intensifies;
- communication with loved ones becomes deeper;
- the desire to take risks grows.
In other words, a person becomes much more sensitive, so you need to weigh every word you say.
How to comfort someone with words? Paradoxically, the best consolation for a dying person will be his words, listened to by a caring and patient interlocutor. A loving loved one who sincerely empathizes. Listen to those stories, memories, experiences, ask questions, be interested.
How can you console a person who is about to step over the border of our reality? The whole secret is not to console! And just to become even closer and dearer to him and help him accomplish everything that he was going to do in this life, but due to an incurable illness he may not have time. You should not be overly protective, even out of compassion; do not deprive the dying person of independence and responsibility. True, the site understands that another problem arises here - help, and serious help, will be needed by a person who has lost a loved one. But more on that below.
Spend as much time as possible with the patient. If he (or she) is able to move, you can go to the sea, to another country, or just go out for a cozy picnic to the lake, feed the ducks, ride horses, swim with dolphins, or have a holiday that a sick person dreams of.
You can console a person not with words, but with some pleasant little thing...
From the outside it seems that everything is happening, as in a sentimental film, but the moment of farewell comes, and it is inevitable... The feelings are not at all identical to “light sadness or melancholy”...
How to comfort someone who has lost a loved one?
The question is not an easy one. And when you see that your friend or acquaintance is suffering from the loss of a loved one, you seem to understand that tears, despair, depression, sometimes even an unwillingness to live are normal reactions, but you still don’t know what to do or what to say.
It is very important not to leave a person without consolation, alone with his grief, because unexpressed emotions and experiences can sit deep and result in diseases, infectious, heart, psychological, a person may develop dependence on drugs or alcohol, and the risk of accidents increases.
There are many ways to console a person after the death of a loved one.
Sometimes just being around is enough. Hug, take your hand, put your arm around your shoulders and just be silent. Your calmness, empathy and compassion will be transmitted at the level of subtle matter, simply through a warm touch. A person will feel that with the death of a loved one he is not alone. Of course, nothing will replace that native shoulder, but you will be there.
Calm, even conversation - always effective way if you talk with love. Let the person who experienced grief choose the topic of conversation. Perhaps someone can relax by discussing events that are simply not related to death. Others need to vent their worries.
Try to involve a person experiencing the death of a loved one in some common cause. It will be distracting.
How to comfort someone who is in shock from loss?
- Don't leave a person alone.
- Give him your touch, but if the person pushes you away, don’t impose yourself.
- Make sure that he has enough rest so that the person does not forget to eat.
- Be an active listener.
- Say something good about the deceased if you knew him personally.
Often many people say wrong words, ineptly comforting, but in fact, only hurting more.
For example, you shouldn’t say that the person is exhausted or that everything is ahead of you. Or that - yes, indeed, this loss is irreparable. At the same time, do not stop the person from expressing his emotions and experiences: getting angry, crying. It is much worse if outwardly a person seems calm. This suggests that someday this grief will spill over and “hit” your health, both physical and mental.
Also, do not say routine phrases like: “If you need my help, call.” After all, a person in a state of grief may simply not have the strength to dial your phone number or write. Try to “take it out” more often: for a walk, to the movies.
Every day someone dies, but it is still difficult for us to part with this world, and even more so to understand how best to comfort a person grieving for a loved one. I would like to believe that today's tips will help you find answers to these questions.
Eva Raduga - especially for Koshechka.ru - a site for those in love... with themselves!
First, understand and accept one thing: even though you have known each other for a long time and you know the person inside out, now this does not mean at all that his behavior will meet your expectations. "There are some general stages experiences of grief. You may well be guided by them, remembering, of course, that each of us still needs individual approach“, explains psychologist Marianna Volkova.
Our experts:
Anna Shishkovskaya
Psychologist at the Gestalt Center Nina Rubshtein
Marianna Volkova
Practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology
How to support someone if they are in shock
Stage No. 1: usually the person is completely shocked, confused and simply cannot believe the reality of what is happening.
What can I say? If you are really close friends, it is best for you to be close without relying on the phone, Skype or SMS. For some people, tactile contact and the ability to see their interlocutor in person are very important. “At this time, conversations and attempts to express condolences are not necessary,” Marianna Volkova is sure. - None. Therefore, if your friend asks you to stay close and refuses to communicate, do not try to get him to talk. Contrary to your expectations, things will not get easier for him. It’s worth talking about what happened only when your loved one is ready for it. In the meantime, you can hug, sit next to, hold hands, stroke the head, bring tea with lemon. All conversations are strictly on business or on abstract topics.”
What to do. Loss loved one, sudden terrible illnesses and other blows of fate require not only reflection, but also a lot of worries. Don’t think that providing this kind of help is easy. It requires a lot of emotional investment and is very exhausting. How to support a person in such a situation? First, ask how you can help. A lot depends on what state your friend is in. You may have to take on organizational issues: calling, finding out, negotiating. Or give the unfortunate person a sedative. Or wait with him in the doctor’s waiting room. But, as a rule, it is enough to at least deal with everyday issues: clean up, wash the dishes, cook food.
How to support a person if he is acutely worried
Stage No. 2: accompanied by acute feelings, resentment, misunderstanding and even aggression.
What to do. It is clear that communication at this moment is difficult. But right now, a friend needs attention and support. Try to come more often, to be in touch if he is left alone. You can invite him to visit for a while. It is important to clearly understand whether you are mentally ready for this.
Words of condolences
“Most people, when expressing condolences, use common phrases that do not carry any meaning. Actually, this is a manifestation of politeness and nothing more. But when we're talking about about a loved one, you need something more than a formality. Of course, there is no template that fits every situation. But there are things that definitely shouldn’t be said,” says Marianna Volkova.
- If you don’t know what to say, be silent. It’s better to hug one more time, show that you are nearby and ready to help at any moment.
- Avoid expressions like “everything will be fine,” “everything will pass,” and “life goes on.” You seem to promise good things, but only in the future, not now. This kind of talk is annoying.
- Try not to ask unnecessary questions. The only appropriate one in this situation is: “How can I help?” Everything else will wait.
- Never utter words that could devalue the importance of what happened. “And some people can’t walk at all!” - this is not a consolation, but a mockery for a person who has lost, say, an arm.
- If your goal is to help a friend moral support, first of all, you yourself must behave stoically. Sobbing, lamenting and talking about the injustice of life is unlikely to calm you down.
How to support someone if they are depressed
Stage No. 3: at this time the person becomes aware of what happened. Expect your friend to be depressed and depressive state. But there is good news: he is beginning to understand that he needs to somehow move on.
What can I say? We are all different, so the best thing you can do is ask what exactly close person is waiting from you.
- Some people need to talk about what happened."There are people who difficult situation It is vital to speak out loud your emotions, fears and experiences. A friend doesn’t need condolences; your job is to listen. You can cry or laugh with him, but you shouldn’t give advice or put in your two cents in every possible way,” advises Marianna Volkova.
- Some people need a distraction to cope with grief. You are required to talk about extraneous topics, to involve a person in resolving some issues. Invent urgent tasks that require full concentration and permanent employment. Do everything so that your friend has no time to think about what he is trying to escape from.
- There are people who are in difficult life situations They prefer loneliness - this makes it easier for them to cope with their emotions. If a friend tells you that they don't want any contact yet, the worst thing you can do is try to get under their skin with the best of intentions. Simply put, to forcefully “do good.” Leave the person alone, but be sure to make it clear that you are nearby and ready to provide all possible help at any time.
What to do.
- In the first case, help of a domestic nature is often required, especially if your loved one is not one of those who easily negotiate, communicate and can easily choose the best of several proposed options.
- You must help your friend move a little away from what happened. If you are connected by work issues, you can carry out distracting maneuvers in this direction. Good option- playing sports. The main thing is not to torture yourself and his grueling workouts, but choose what you like. You can go to the pool, court or yoga together. The goal is to try to have fun.
- In the third case, you only need what is asked of you. Don't insist on anything. Invite them to “go out and unwind” (what if they agree?), but always leave the choice to the person and don’t be intrusive.
How to support someone when they have already experienced grief
Stage No. 4: This is a period of adaptation. One might say – rehabilitation.
What can I say? It is at this time that a person re-establishes contacts, communication with others gradually takes on its usual form. Now a friend may need parties, travel and other attributes of life without mourning.
What to do. “If your friend is quite ready to communicate, there is no need to try to somehow behave “correctly” in his company. You should not try to forcefully cheer up, shake and bring to your senses. At the same time, you cannot avoid direct glances or sit with a sour face. The more familiar you establish the atmosphere, the easier it will be for a person,” Marianna Volkova is sure.
Visit to a psychologist
No matter what stage a person is in, friends sometimes try to provide help that is not needed. For example, forcefully send you to a psychologist. Here you will have to be especially careful, because sometimes it is necessary, and sometimes it is completely unnecessary.
“Experiencing trouble, sadness is a natural process that, as a rule, does not need professional help, says psychologist Anna Shishkovskaya. – There is even a term “grief work”, the healing effect of which is possible provided that a person allows himself to go through all stages. However, this is precisely what becomes a problem for many: allowing oneself to feel, to face experiences. If we try to "run away" from the powerful, unpleasant emotions, ignore them - the “work of grief” is disrupted, and “getting stuck” can occur at any of the stages. That’s when the help of a psychologist is really needed.”
Cons of support
The tragedy they experience sometimes gives people a reason to manipulate others. We are, of course, not talking about the first, the most difficult period. But you may be required to be present continuously for a long time. Yours personal life, work, desires will not be taken into account. Let's say you invited a friend to stay with you for a while - a fairly common practice. But all the agreed upon dates have long passed, and the person continues to visit. You are silent, because it is impolite to talk about inconveniences, but the natural result will be a damaged relationship.
The financial issue is no less important. Happens, time goes by, everything that was needed has been done, and the need for investment never goes away. And you, by inertia, continue to give money, afraid to refuse. " I noticed that you are starting to sacrifice yourself and your interests, which means there is a reason to talk and clarify the situation,” reminds Anna Shishkovskaya. – Otherwise, the accumulated resentment and indignation will one day provoke a serious conflict with mutual claims. It would be good not to lead to a scandal, but to define the boundaries in time.”
Personal dramas are just one of those very troubles that friends find themselves in. And your behavior during this period will certainly affect your relationship in one way or another. Therefore, you should rush to help only if you sincerely want it.
Hearing
The main thing is to be sure to let the person speak out. There is no need to be afraid of the flow of revelations and to panic: no one demands vigorous activity from you and immediate decision all problems. It is also better to leave questions, advice and universal wisdom for later: at this stage, a person just needs to know that he is not alone, that he is heard, and they sincerely sympathize with him.
Listening does not mean standing still like a statue and remaining silent until the very end of the monologue. This behavior is more like indifference. It is possible and even necessary to show “signs of life” in order to console a loved one: say “Yes”, “I understand you”, sometimes repeat words or phrases that seemed key - all this will show that you really care. And at the same time it will help you collect your thoughts: both for your interlocutor and, by the way, for yourself.
It's a gesture
There is a simple set of gestures to help sympathizers. An open posture (without arms crossed on the chest), a slightly bowed head (preferably at the same level as the head of the person you are listening to), understanding nods, an approving chuckle in time with the conversation and open palms are subconsciously perceived as a sign of attention and participation. When it comes to a loved one with whom you are accustomed to maintaining physical contact, soothing touches and stroking will not hurt. If the speaker becomes hysterical, and this also happens quite often, then one of the options to calm him down is to hug him tightly. With this, you seem to tell him: I am near, I accept you, you are safe.
WITH unfamiliar people regarding skin-to-skin contact It’s better not to experiment: firstly, you yourself may feel awkward; secondly, such behavior may turn off a person with a strict personal space. You should also be very careful if you are a victim of physical violence.
No change
Many of us believe that we should not dwell on stress. “Pull yourself together!”, “Find a reason for joy” - here standard set phrases that the culture of global positivity and lightness of being drives into our heads. Alas, all these settings in 90 cases out of 100 give reverse effect and they don’t help at all to console a person with words. Having firmly believed that we must look for the positive in everything, we learn not to work on the problem, but to overwhelm it with a mass of conditionally positive experiences. As a result, the problem does not disappear anywhere, and it becomes more and more difficult to return to it and try to solve it every day.
If a person constantly returns to the same topic, it means that stress is still making itself felt. Let him talk as much as necessary (provided that you can handle this process yourself). Do you see how it has become easier? Great. You can slowly change the topic.
If specifically
What words can you use to comfort someone? Often, someone in trouble feels like a social outcast - it seems to him that his misfortunes are unique and no one cares about his experiences. The phrase “Is there anything I can do to help?” It seems banal and insipid, but nevertheless it shows your willingness to share the problem and be in the same boat with the victim. And it’s even better to offer something specific: “Do you want me to come to you right now and we’ll discuss everything?”, “Dictate the list of what you need - I’ll bring it within a day,” “Now I’ll call all the lawyers I know (doctors, psychologists), maybe What will they advise” or simply “Come any time.” And even if the answer is an irritated grumbling in the style of “No need, I’ll figure it out myself,” the very desire to help will have a positive effect.
Help should only be offered if you are really ready for heroic deeds, wasting time, money and emotions. Don’t overestimate your strengths, promising what you can’t do will only make things worse in the end.
Under supervision
Assurances like “Don’t touch me, leave me alone, I want to be alone” often indicate not so much a desire to cope with the situation alone, but rather an excessive obsession with the problem and, unfortunately, a state close to panic. Therefore, it is strictly not recommended to leave it alone for a long time. Unless for an extremely limited period of time, while being nearby and keeping your finger on the pulse.
Often the mood of “withdrawing into oneself” provokes excessive curiosity of others, sometimes even those who are not close at all, their excessive pity, and patronizing attitude. Nobody likes it. Therefore, when you see someone in front of you in exactly this state, you should moderate the level of your feelings and sympathy (at least externally) and make it clear that you are not going to teach him about life or put pressure on him with authority, but at the same time you sincerely want to help.
He, she
We are accustomed to believing that a woman is an emotionally unstable creature and is always prone to a hysterical reaction, while a man is strong and resilient by default, and therefore is able to cope with stress alone. However, this is not entirely true.
Recent research by scientists shows that a socially isolated man tolerates stress much worse than a woman left to her own devices: he is more prone to withdrawal and depression (and girls even have an increased immunity in force majeure situations!). And the problem that we, emotional ones, will experience and still forget, can torment us for a long time male brain. Psychologists believe that such a protracted reaction is a consequence of the fact that boys are taught from childhood to remain silent and pay more attention to their reputation than to their state of psychological comfort.
A man needs consolation, but it will be brought by actions rather than words. How to console a loved one? Your arrival, a delicious dinner, an unobtrusive attempt to stir things up will work much better than verbal confessions. In addition, the active behavior of someone nearby brings men to their senses. And also make it clear that it won’t hurt him to speak out and you don’t see anything wrong with it.
Rescue those who help
Sometimes we get so carried away with saving drowning people that it becomes obsession. Which, by the way, the victim himself indulges in: having gotten used to your readiness to listen, he, without realizing it, turns into your personal energy vampire and begins to dump all negative emotions on your fragile shoulders. If this goes on for too long, you will soon need help yourself.
By the way, for some people the opportunity to help someone turns into a way to get away from own problems. This should absolutely not be allowed - sooner or later there is a risk of a full-fledged nervous breakdown.
If after long and, as it seems to you, therapeutic conversations, you feel like a lemon, fatigue, sleep disturbances, and irritability appear - you should slow down a little. In such a state, you are unlikely to help anyone, but you can easily harm yourself.
Depression
We like to use the diagnosis “depression” with or without reason. And although only a specialist can diagnose this disease, there are still general signs that, if manifested, require urgent seeking of qualified help. This:
Apathy, sadness, prevalence of bad mood;
Loss of strength, motor retardation or, conversely, nervous fussiness;
Slowing down of speech, long pauses, freezing in place;
Decreased concentration;
Loss of interest in habitually joyful things and events;
Loss of appetite;
Insomnia;
Decreased sexual desire.
At least a couple of the symptoms listed above - and you really should find a good psychotherapist for the victim.
Text: Daria Zelentsova
Now let's move on to practical side- communication...
Have you often encountered a problem when your friend or loved one is depressed, and you don’t know what to tell him or how to help him overcome this condition? Very hard to find the right words in such a situation, because a person may react incorrectly and even inadequately. Below are the most effective words that will help you support your loved one in difficult moment.
Phrases that make it clear that you care about a person:
What can I do for you?
All written sources who describe this problem advise SHOWING rather than TELLING. Words are not all that is helpful to a person struggling with depression.
So, what I find most comforting at a time when it is impossible to gather my thoughts is a friend coming over and preparing lunch for me, or someone offering to tidy up my place. Believe me, practical care is a great support for a person facing grief or suffering from depression. Why not go and check on a person who has completely lost his mood?
Actions are very effective when, when communicating, you express compassion to the interlocutor in a practical way. Even if he is too humble to accept such help, I can assure you that he will place your words in that secret corner of his soul that will remind him: “This person cares about me.”
Maybe there is something that could help you feel better?
Talk to the person about something that once brought them joy, or about something new that could bring them joy. Perhaps he himself will not have an answer to this question, or perhaps he will remember something that could cheer him up now, but he is not able to implement it. Then you can give him this support and help him do something that will lift his spirits.
Brew him tea, be close, don't talk unnecessary words, position him for a confidential conversation.
Do you want me to accompany you?
Maybe the person is already used to it for a long time being alone and not even thinking about the fact that someone might be nearby when you need to go shopping or get to some place. Moreover, no one accompanied him home. You can offer such support, it will show that you really care about the person and do not want to leave him alone with his thoughts.
Such actions will say more than just the words “I’m nearby”, “I’m with you”, “You can count on me”, because you are really nearby and you can really be counted on!
Do you find support in anyone?
These words say: “You need support. Let's find a way to get it."
This question will help you understand whether a person is surrounded by support from loved ones or whether he is left to his own devices. If you know that someone is trying to support him, but he himself does not talk about it or does not notice the support as such, then this will help you understand what is important to the person, what helps him and what does not.
The more loved ones show such care, the better for a person. If you know that he feels alone in his trouble and does not receive the support of loved ones, talk to them. Let them know how important it is that they get involved and be there for you during this difficult time.
You should also not forget that you can seek help from specialists if the person himself does not mind. I think this is not the first method of help, but if you yourself cannot help a person, it is better to entrust this to professionals. Again, only with the consent of the person. He needs to be helped to understand that depression is a serious and dangerous disease, but it is completely correctable, especially if the person himself understands this and is ready to fight.
This will definitely end and you will feel the same as before.
These words do not judge, do not impose anything, and do not manipulate. They simply give hope, and this HOPE will keep a person alive, or at least motivate him to live until next day to see if there really is light at the end of the tunnel.
This is not a simple and seemingly indifferent “This will pass”, “It happens and not so.” Such words show that you really care about what is happening in a person’s life, wish him and you sincerely believe that this will soon pass.
Make it clear that this is just a disease, a treatable condition, after which there is happy life. Everything will not end with such experiences and emotions.
What do you think about most?
This question will help determine the possible cause of depression, what causes the most concern and occupies a person’s thoughts. You explore everything possible reasons, but don’t stop at just one. When, through such a conversation, a person makes his own conclusions, he will take responsibility for what can be changed.
Perhaps your loved one now really needs someone who knows how to listen and encourage conversation the right questions. Be gentle during this time and prepare to listen more than you talk, and right time even be silent.
What time of day is the most difficult for you?
Try to find out when your loved one’s depressing thoughts are most disturbing and be as close as possible at this time. Don't leave him alone. Even when he doesn’t want to talk, believe me, over time this presence of yours will bring extraordinary fruits and healing.
Calling at the right time, the willingness of the other to wait until the time when he wants to talk about the problem, simply being present is very valuable! If you are nearby, hug the person, make tea, sit next to them and just be ready to help with all your being. At the very difficult time- You are nearby. And most importantly, they are constant.
I'm here to help you.
This is what you can say to confirm all the actions that you are already doing for a person. There is no need to throw around such words if this is not the case. But if it is true, backed up by deeds, it gives strength. It's simple. This is necessary. And in these words there is everything you need to say: I care, although I cannot fully understand everything, but I love and support you.
Silence.
This is the most inconvenient because we always want to fill the silence with something, even if it's talking about the weather. But saying nothing... and just listening... sometimes is the best and most appropriate thing to do in this case answer.
Be sensitive and attentive. Don't chat in vain. Be closer to a person’s heart, it can understand without words.
How can you be ready to provide such support?
Supporting someone during a difficult time is not easy for the person providing the support. Firstly, because you may not know exactly how to help a person. Secondly, because you are simply worried about him, and yes, you also hurt somewhere inside from his pain!
In advance, stock up on patience and love, be prepared to wait as long as necessary. You won't always understand everything. This is not required of you. But if you are there and support and express your care in every possible way, you can do it.
But this requires a certain dedication. We are not always ready to invest so much in someone. To do this you need to really love.
Help a person find meaning in life. If you yourself are confused about this issue, we can talk about it with you. After all, there is nothing more important than condition human soul and the contribution we can make to the relationship.
PHOTO Getty Images
“My friend had a very hard time when her husband left the family,” says Elena. “She depended on him both emotionally and financially, and to support her, I tried to help her find a job. I persuaded my friends to take her on a trial period; it seemed to me that a new activity would help her get out of a state of emotional numbness. However, she took my efforts with hostility.” “This is an obvious example of what a sincere desire to help can lead to,” says social psychologist Olga Kabo. “It is likely that at that moment my friend did not need active proposals, but silent sympathy. And effective help with work would probably be useful a little later.” Researchers at the University of Louisville identify two main types of behavior when people try to calm someone down. The first involves specific support and psychological assistance in resolving the problem, the second one comes down, rather, to silent sympathy and reminding “everything passes, this too will pass.” “These two dissimilar strategies can be equally effective in helping different people, says psychologist Beverly Flaxington. - The only problem is that we often various reasons choose the one that is not suitable for specific situation. A person perceives our words as false and insensitive. And we understand that not only did we not help, but it seems that we upset him even more.” Psychologists admit that choice true words for consolation turns out to be a difficult task.
What should you (always) consider?
- How well do you know the person and understand their problem?
- Human Temperament
- His ability to deal with the problem on his own
- The depth of his feelings
- The need, from your point of view, for professional psychological help
One of the factors in how we perceive outside support is our sense of self-confidence. A study from the University of Waterloo (Canada) 1 found that people with low self-confidence are more likely to reject attempts by loved ones to help them find a more optimistic and constructive view on things. And this distinguishes them from those who are more confident and, as a result, open to rethinking what happened and taking action. It's obvious that you're in to a greater extent help less confident people, if you just be there and share their experiences, without any attempts to change your perspective on the situation or simply distract yourself from it. But for people with enough high level I'm sure your active support would be more effective. Understanding another person's needs does not happen overnight - it takes time to get to know and understand them well. There are also existential problems that it is important for a person to face and cope with on his own. There are people who at the moment They do not need attention and prefer solitude. At the same time, psychologists identify a number of rules that should be followed if a loved one is in trouble.
Strategies to note
Stay close. Sometimes words lose all meaning. And the best thing you can do is just be there. Call, invite to visit, to a cafe or for a walk. Stay in touch without making your presence intrusive. “Just try to always stay within reach of your loved one,” suggests social psychologist Olga Kabo. – It seems to us that this is insignificant, just to answer calls and be ready to listen. But for your loved one, this is a huge support.”
Listen. For many of us, opening up is not easy. Be patient and support your loved one when they are ready to talk. “When the person starts talking, encourage him with a few phrases,” advises Olga Kabo. – If tactile contact is important to him, you can take his hand. After that, don't interrupt and just listen. Do not give any assessments or advice - just be careful with your words. Your interlocutor needs to free himself from the burden negative emotions, and a frank story about what happened, about your feelings and experiences is the first step towards recovery.”
Be gentle. Of course, you have your own point of view. However, it may be important for the person to speak up. And if your thoughts go against the way he currently sees and experiences the situation, this will hurt him even more. great pain. It is possible that your constructive (as you think!) advice may be useful. But not now, but when the acute period passes and your loved one will be able to treat what is happening more sensibly and balancedly. Let him know that you will be there and support any decision. “You can help a person look at a problem from a different angle by asking questions. It is important that they remain neutral: “What does this mean for you?”, “What would you like to do next?” and, of course, “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
Be positive. Remember, right now a loved one needs your support, which means it is important that you remain emotional resources to the rescue. While empathizing, do not allow the despair and feeling of hopelessness in which your interlocutor may be to overwhelm you. It is worth thinking and acting like doctors. Try to outline the distance between your life and what happened to your loved one. Think: yes, what happened is difficult. But he needs time to live and accept the situation in which he is immersed. You look at it from the outside and therefore maintain a more sober view.
1 D. Marigold et al. “You can't always give what you want: the challenge of providing social support to low self-esteem individuals,” Journal of Personality and social psychology, July, 2014.
