How to get rid of aggression and irritability. What is anger and how to get rid of it? Aggressive behavior during the postpartum period

Erich Fromm distinguished two types of aggression: benign, which serves to protect one’s interests, property and life, and malignant, which is an acquired pathological model of behavior. In the second case, a person, in order to raise his own authority, can humiliate, insult, beat others, put pressure on them psychological pressure. What leads to attacks of aggression? How to deal with them?

Types of aggression

Psychology deviant behavior- a relatively new branch of psychology that studies behavior that does not fit into the framework of law, morality and ethics. It is under her competence that aggressiveness falls.

Psychologist E. Bass compiled an expanded classification of aggression. He pointed out that, according to purposefulness, hostility is divided into 2 types:

1. Instrumental aggression. It serves as a tool to achieve some goal. For example, my goal is to sit on the bus, but all the seats are occupied, I can quarrel with someone so that he gives up his to me. This is a spontaneous attack of hostility directed at a random person;
2. Targeted (motivated) aggression is pre-planned actions aimed at a specific object (to take revenge on a partner for betrayal; to watch for the offender after school to hit back; to deliberately humiliate or insult a person who is unpleasant to the aggressor). The purpose of such an act is to cause physical or moral harm. Motivated aggression is more often shown by people who grew up in unfavorable conditions. social environment deprived of normal upbringing, attention and care of parents.

Causes of sudden outbursts of aggression

Unmotivated aggression can arise in a number of ways psychological reasons, and also be a symptom of a serious illness.

TO psychological factors include:

• Fast pace of life;
• A large number of responsibilities;
• Professional burnout serious problems At work;
• Lack of sleep, severe fatigue;
• Wrong upbringing.

Outbursts of aggression can be a symptom of diseases such as:

• Brain tumor;
• Hormonal imbalance, thyroid dysfunction;
• Alzheimer's disease;
• Post-traumatic stress disorder;

Mental disorders accompanied by instability and sudden acts of violence:

• Dissocial personality disorder (sociopathy, psychopathy);
• Emotionally unstable personality disorder;
• Schizophrenia;
• Alcoholism and drug addiction;
• Psychoses.

Unmotivated aggression in adults

Uncontrollable attacks of aggression in adults are most often caused by constant stress, lack of sleep, fatigue. The body is constantly under emotional and physical stress. Irritability increases, short temper and imbalance appear. Often these emotions remain unconscious, and when the accumulated irritation turns into an attack of aggression, the person does not understand why he reacted so sharply.

There may be outbursts of rage reverse side good manners. From childhood, everyone is told how they should behave cultured people, teach to be obedient and calm “Are they taking away the car I play with? I have to give it away. After all, we need to share!” Such a child turns into an adult with the firm conviction that screaming and swearing are bad. When his rights are infringed, he cannot fight back, but an unpleasant aftertaste remains in his soul. Discontent is growing. As a result, it suddenly breaks out in the form of inexplicable and uncontrollable aggression.

It is believed that rage and depression are opposite, mutually exclusive concepts. However, in fact, in this state a person, on the contrary, becomes more susceptible. These emotions remain inside, which provokes increased aggressiveness in a person after getting out of depression.

Aggressive behavior during the postpartum period

May be caused by postpartum depression. The birth of a child greatly changes the lives of all family members, but the greater burden of worries and responsibility falls on the mother.

On the one hand, active hormonal changes are taking place in the body of a woman who has given birth. She becomes more vulnerable, sensitive, and cannot always control her emotions. On the other hand, her life is changing dramatically: work remains a thing of the past, the number of household chores increases sharply, and there is no time or energy left for her former hobbies. Life turns into a continuous “Groundhog Day”, consisting of feeding, changing clothes, washing, cleaning... All this causes despair, nervousness and rage, which are taken out not only on adults, but also on the defenseless baby.

There are many ways to combat anger attacks during the postpartum period. in a simple way: divide household responsibilities among all family members to give the mother the opportunity to take a break from routine worries and the baby, to leave the house for a walk.

Unmotivated aggression: prevention measures

To prevent causeless aggression, it is necessary to establish a clear daily routine, eat well, rest and sleep. sufficient quantity time. Don’t forget to pamper yourself from time to time, doing what you love for at least half an hour a day.

It is important to understand your feelings and learn to understand them. Sometimes the real reason anger can “hide”, and the feeling itself can be transferred to another object. For example, you cannot understand why you are so annoyed by your partner’s slowness. The real picture is different: your boss has given you too much work. You cannot express your dissatisfaction to your boss and subconsciously transfer this anger to your colleague, accusing him of being slow. This psychological trick will help you save good relationship with guidance, but will have a detrimental effect on mental health.

Shouldn't be suppressed and hidden negative emotions. If the situation allows, then it is necessary to voice your feelings using “I-expressions”. For example, “It makes me want to hit you when you talk to me like that.”

It is useful to be able to competently and constructively conflict with people. This will help resolve problematic situation without bringing her to a scandal.

How to deal with attacks of aggression

You need to be able to get rid of aggression in peaceful ways. You should tear paper, beat a pillow, do a few squats or push-ups, even break a cup that you don’t mind. The main thing is not to harm anyone.

Water relieves irritability very well. You can take a shower or wash the dishes. Anger and rage will be excellent helpers during cleaning. These emotions will help you ruthlessly throw away unnecessary junk that has been stored for years.

You can go to the stadium and cheer for your favorite team. The main thing is to do it very actively, loudly and emotionally.

Sport is a good way to get rid of accumulated irritation. Suitable for some active activities(running, dancing, football), others - calm and peaceful (yoga, gymnastics). Caution should be taken when handling various types struggle. For some, negative emotions come out in this way, for others, on the contrary, the behavior model “anger - physical aggression” is consolidated.

It is useful to master several relaxation techniques: meditation, breathing exercises,visualization.

If you feel that you cannot control your behavior, then do not be afraid to seek help from a specialist. Perhaps outbursts of aggression are a symptom of a disease that requires serious treatment.

Have you ever found yourself thinking? “These traffic jams are annoying!!!”, “This queue has no end!!!”, “The children are screaming terribly loudly, when will this end?”, “I’m annoyed by my husband, neighbors, colleagues, dog, even the fact that the traffic light takes so long to light up! " Yes, today we will talk about how to get rid of aggression and irritability. Nowadays, many people face this problem. Sometimes people think that some people lose their temper for no reason, they scream and get nervous for no reason. But nothing happens for nothing. For some people, the techniques we will consider will be completely new.

Don't be so quick to judge people who behave aggressively. There are many reasons that cause sudden attacks of anger, anger, and aggression. But whether a person wants to change and fight his irritability or not, that’s another question. Often people don’t understand where they have so much anger, they are glad to get rid of it, but they don’t know how.

A person who is overcome by negative emotions has an increased pulse rate, increased heart rate, and his voice and movements become harsh. This condition is characterized by tingling in the neck and shoulders. Flashes of rage appear in the eyes. As a rule, a person does not experience such emotions for long. But many people manage to do stupid things during this time.

So what is the reason for this condition:

• Physiological reasons are often not taken into account. A person becomes more irritable if he has some kind of illness. For example, diseases gastrointestinal tract, hormonal imbalance in the body, lack of necessary substances in the body or a feeling of hunger.

Women in general separate topic. For them, the cause may be PMS, although it has already been proven that if the body functions well, then mood swings will be minimal during the period of PMS.

• Psychological reasons are lack of sleep, stress, overwork. This also includes depression, although the cause of depression is mainly physiological abnormalities.
• Any irritant can cause aggressive state. Remember this situation, you woke up in in a great mood, left the house with a smile, and then someone was rude to you on the subway, your mood was ruined for the whole day. And there are a great many such irritants around us.
• Heavy workload can also cause irritation. For the most part this applies to women. Now is the time when the fair sex is busy all day and often does not have enough time even to sleep. They wake up in the morning, go to work, then to the store, then household chores, and again everything in a circle. The family requires attention, we need to get everything done, but we can’t give away some of the household chores, because we think it’s better to do everything ourselves. Many reasons follow from this. These are lack of sleep, overwork, depression due to monotony, oppression. But other family members can experience the same thing.
• An aggressive state can also occur during an argument. Even if you are balanced and calm person, you may be provoked by others and cause negative emotions. You need to be able to cope with any situation, so the techniques described below will also suit you.
• High expectations often cause despondency. Inflated expectations of others or oneself. Most people will feel negative if plans are disrupted. You may give in if you dreamed of losing ten kilograms, but only managed to get rid of two. If you expected from yours, as you thought, loved one support in difficult moment, and he turned away from you.
• There is an opinion that aggression is a long-standing instinct. Since ancient times, such behavior contributed to survival, the struggle for territory, and improvement of the gene pool.

Tips for dealing with aggression and irritability

1. No matter how paradoxical it may sound, there is no need to accumulate irritation within yourself and suppress it. Emotions will not disappear anywhere, they will accumulate and find a way out in the form nervous breakdown, imbalance and psychosomatic illnesses. It’s not for nothing that they say that all diseases are caused by nerves.
2. Learn to accept people as they are. After all, unjustified expectations are often an irritant. This doesn't just apply to your family, friends or colleagues. First of all, this concerns yourself. To avoid disappointment from unachieved goals, set yourself realistic, achievable limits. Learn to accept and love yourself.
3. Think positively and learn to take only joyful moments out of any situation. You may ask, how can you think positively when there are only problems around? Whether it's a problem or an opportunity is up to you to decide. Any situation can be turned in your favor. About 4 months ago I looked wonderful movie“Polyanna”, I recommend it. He will teach you to see the positives and benefit from any situation.
4. Rest often and you will get rid of fatigue. As we have already said, the cause of irritation can be heavy workload. If on weekends you relax with your family in nature or at the theater, and on weekdays you get good sleep, then you will work more efficiently and get more done. In addition, you can divide household chores among all family members. Then you will have more time for communication and relaxation. Don't forget to leave some time for personal space.
5. Take care of your health. Both physically and mentally. In addition to fatigue and lack of sleep, the cause of irritation can be suffering from psychological trauma, depression. The reason may lie deep in a person's soul. In such a situation, the most important thing is to realize that there is a problem and begin to solve it.

Techniques for combating aggression

The first thing to do is to realize that there is a problem and find the cause of the outbursts of aggression. When you find an irritant, and this could be a person, a situation, you need to accept what is happening. It is important to understand that accepting a situation does not mean agreeing with it.

Emotions must find a way out naturally. But there are situations when this is unacceptable. Try to be alone at such a moment and find a way out of the emotion you are experiencing.

Be aware of your body during this technique. If any muscles are contracting, intentionally squeeze them even harder, intentionally intensify your emotion for 2-3 minutes. Next, change your position to the opposite one, but deliberately continue to feel the negative emotion. In just a few minutes unwanted emotions you will be abandoned. The exercise can be done several times in a row.

Another great technique is laughter. Take time to laugh, just like that, for no reason. Laughter must be alternated with emotions that bother you. The technique helps to release negative emotions well.

You can use the suggested techniques and advice if you feel that there is a problem with aggression and irritability, or you can contact a specialist. The most important thing is not to sit still and solve the current situation.

Anger can eat you up inside and slowly destroy your life. While anger is a natural emotion and a healthy reaction, giving in to it is dangerous. You have to learn to let him go for your sake. Here are some tips on exactly how to do just that.

Steps

Part 1

Understand anger. Existing for long period Over time, anger becomes an emotion that hurts the person experiencing it more than the person or people it is directed at. Anger often occurs when someone wants to avoid feeling hurt by a situation, but this anger can only end up hurting him or her further.

Identify the root of your anger. Find out what exactly is causing you pain. Only by identifying the loss or underlying problem can you confront it and let it go.

• For example, if your spouse cheated on you or left you, naturally you would be angry. The sense of loss you are experiencing is most likely due to the loss of feeling loved, valued and respected.
• As another example, if you feel angry after a friend betrays you, the loss that leads you to sadness and anger is the loss of friendship and companionship. The more important this feeling of friendship was to you, the greater will be your loss, and the greater will be your anger.

1. Allow yourself to grieve. Because anger is often a mask to hide pain, remove that mask when you are alone and allow yourself to grieve that pain or loss without feeling guilty or weak about it.

   • Denying your grief is not a strength, although many people mistakenly believe that experiencing grief and sadness is a sign of weakness. When something upsetting happens, there is no real meaning deny how much great pain it brings you. The pain won't go away just because you refuse to admit it. In any case, the pain will remain longer if it is preserved internally.
   • Instead of saying, “I'm fine,” admit, “I'm suffering.” In the long run, this acknowledgment will help relieve pain and anger more effectively than denial.

2. Replace resentment with compassion. Another way could be to try to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Consider the reasons the offender might have for such actions. You may never fully understand someone else's motives, or maybe you will agree with them after accepting them, but you will find it easier to stop being angry at someone after you spend a little time in his or her head.

   • People rarely hurt others without hurting themselves in some way. Negativity spreads like a disease, and if you are caught by someone else's negativity, it is likely that the person caught it from someone else before.

3. Sorry. This does not mean that you have to accept, respect, or forgive the wrongdoing that caused your anger. In this sense, forgiveness only means acceptance conscious decision let go of resentment and desires to take revenge on the person who treated you badly.

   • Understand that forgiving someone may not encourage the other party to change their behavior. The purpose of forgiveness in this sense is to cleanse yourself of the anger and resentment that is growing inside you. Forgiveness for one's own benefit is an internal necessity, not an external one.
   • Forgiveness can help you build healthy relationships, reach more high level spiritual and psychological well-being, reduce stress and anxiety, lower blood pressure, reduce symptoms of depression, and reduce the risk of alcohol or drug abuse.

   Part 2

   Approach to anger personal level

   1. Take a more optimistic view. Remember that every cloud has a silver lining. Although the situation that caused your anger may be extremely negative, there may be several positive points or side effects that are actually beneficial to you. Identify them and latch on to them to help you cope.

      • In particular, consider any ways your pain has helped you grow as a person. If this doesn't work, reflect on what your pain has put you in new way, leading to good things that you might not have experienced if you skipped this path entirely.
      • If you can't find positive aspects unpleasant situation, look at others good points in your life and other things for which you can be grateful.

   2. Write a letter or journal. If you keep a diary or journal, write about your anger as often as necessary to help you release it. If you don't have a journal, you can write an angry letter to the person who initiated your anger to vent your emotions. But don't send it.

      • Sending a letter is almost always a bad idea. Even if you phrase it as politely as possible, the other party will likely take it poorly, especially if he or she suffers from low self-esteem or other personal pain.
      • Ideally, you should write a letter, read it out loud, and tear it up or burn it as a form of symbolic release.

   3. Scream. There are times when a person feels so angry that he or she feels the urge to scream. If you're facing this kind of anger right now, pause reading and scream into your pillow. The cry gives you physical release. The mind and body are connected, so by physically releasing your anger, you can also help relieve some mental emotions.

      • As a precaution, you should make sure your screams are well muffled by a pillow to avoid disturbing your neighbors.

   4. Practice. Like yelling, exercise provides physical release of your anger. If you're not a big fan physical exercise, you can still start small by walking more.

      • This works best when you find a form of exercise that you enjoy. Take a walk in the picturesque park, take a swim in the refreshing water, or throw a couple of balls in the basket.

   5. Replace negative thoughts positive. When memories of past anger begin to surface, quickly replace the thought with something positive to prevent your mood from worsening.

      • You may remember something good in the past, think about something exciting ahead, or think bigger by daydreaming.
      • Although, as a general rule, you will want to avoid thinking about things related to the person who hurt you, even if those thoughts are positive. Remembering the way it was can increase the pain of how things turned out, only increasing your anger as a result.

   6. Metaphorically throw it away. If many of the details of a given situation upset you, you may want to find something symbolic to represent those components of your anger before throwing them away.

   7. Find a hobby you like. Sometimes the best way to heal from negative emotions like anger is to have a positive hobby that you are truly committed to investing yourself in.

      • If you don't have a hobby yet, try a few different ones. Take a class in painting, cooking, knitting, or any other potential hobby that catches your attention.

   Part 3

   Approach to anger spiritual level

   1. Pray. If you believe in God, pray for strength of spirit and a willingness to let go of your anger. When you are unable to let go of your anger on your own, asking for Divine help can help soften your heart enough to release the anger.

      • If you can't find the words to express your anger and pain while praying, you can also look online and in prayer books for pre-written prayers that describe exactly how you feel.

   2. Meditate. Whether you adhere to any particular faith or not, meditation is in a good way to stabilize your body, mind and soul. There are many types of meditation you can try, so choose what's best for you and your needs.

      • When learning to meditate for the first time, choose a basic meditation program and create a calming space for yourself, but not so relaxing that you fall asleep during your meditation exercises.

   3. Turn to your faith. Again, if you believe in a higher power, rely on this higher power seeking strength to overcome anger and resentment can be a successful idea.

      • Particularly if you believe in God and that God is loving and actively involved in the process human history, release your negativity and realize that God has a purpose for your pain and has not abandoned you.
      • Consult with the religious leader at your worship center or others who share your faith for support and guidance. Read biblical texts or spiritual books written on the subject of anger and forgiveness.

There are two ways to do it: suppress them or express them. In the first case, the emotions accumulating inside turn into a big lump, which one day will break out, so much so that it won’t seem like much. Therefore, to maintain aggression, like any other negative experiences, should be expressed, that is, give it a way out. It is not always possible to do this right at the moment of aggression, when it overwhelms you, but it is better to try to let it go immediately, otherwise there is a risk of losing a lot nerve cells. Today I will talk about how to relieve aggression.

Exercise to relieve aggression

One of the most effective exercises to relieve aggression, borrowed from yoga and called “Buddha Smile”. It can be used whenever you feel a surge of aggression and want to deal with it quickly.

• Relax. Let the flow of thought gradually slow down and then stop completely. Relax completely facial muscles(this can help), feel how they fill with warmth and heaviness. The facial muscles seem to lose their elasticity and flow down like thick molasses.
• Now focus on the corners of your lips: imagine your lips moving slightly apart and forming a slight smile. There is no need to strain your facial muscles, a smile will appear by itself, and with it a feeling of boundless joy arising within you. Enjoy it for a while before finishing the exercise.

Exercises and games to relieve aggression in a team

Group processes are often more effective than individual processes, especially if the cause of your aggression is in one or more group members. You can offer these games to relieve aggression to the organizer of corporate events in your company or initiate them yourself at work. Exercises to relieve aggression in a group of friends or family are also effective.

1. The group forms a circle, one leading participant is selected and blindfolded, then one of the participants (or the leader) points the disoriented driver in the direction (to one of the circle) in which to pour out all his aggression, rage and anger. Having poured out negative emotions, the driver removes the blindfold and apologizes to the “victim.” It would seem like an elementary exercise to relieve aggression, but it works very effectively. It turns out interesting when the presenter points to the driver himself.
2. Exercise "Camel". This is a rather harsh way to remove aggression, and it is very important that the leader, to whom this aggression is redirected, is able to analyze it and make sure that the group does not remain angry with him. All participants stand in a circle and put their hands on the shoulders of their neighbors to the left and right. The presenter says that he will say the name of the animal in each participant’s ear, and when it is spoken out loud, he will have to wait on his feet and hang on his hands. Then the presenter very carefully and unnoticed by the others says in each participant’s ear: “camel.”

   Then the presenter asks everyone to be very attentive and not to miss their animal: “Dog, crocodile, camel!” It is important to remember that the group’s reaction to such a “set-up” may be different, so I repeat once again - the leader must be able to deal with the aggression splashed out in his direction.

Removing aggression

Any games and exercises, as you understand, do not eliminate the cause of aggression, but only remove the consequences. Therefore, at least smile like Buddha, but if day after day the same person or situation makes you furious, you need to work with the cause of the aggression. One way is to keep a diary. Write down everything that makes you angry during the day and describe in detail how you feel about it. Within a week it will be possible to analyze what was written and draw conclusions.

Remember that people are mirrors for each other, so what infuriates you in the world and people around you is inside you. Perhaps you don't accept yourself for who you are, and that's why you take it out on others? Or is someone happy to do something that you forbid yourself to do, but actually want to do, and becomes the target of your aggression? Think about it.

It is very difficult for me to tell a person who has offended me or brought me to a destructive state everything that I think about him and about this situation. Why is it “difficult”, it’s practically impossible! But I also cannot accumulate unexpressed negativity in myself, so I use the following simple technique: in absolute solitude, I close my eyes and imagine in front of me the person with whom I am angry, and then I express out loud everything that is in my soul. I can scream, I can cry, I can repeat the same thing until the source of aggression dries up. Then there is a release and I can function normally again.

Of course, ancient teachings, such as yoga, Taoist practices, and Buddhist meditations, help relieve not only aggression, but also dissolve its sources. I know that the art of non-contact combat also helps. Some people just work in the garden, but others! Therefore, find your own way to relieve aggression, and under no circumstances accumulate it within yourself.

Instructions

Learn adequate perception external factors, as a result of which a surge of negativity occurs. The simplest and time-tested method is - at the beginning of an alarming situation that threatens to develop into a noisy conflict, mentally gather yourself and count to ten. This simple move dramatically reduces the amount of adrenaline in the blood and allows you to act meaningfully and act.

Develop a tolerant attitude towards people. Don't expect perfect people to gather around you. In principle, such things do not happen. Better remember your explosive nature (if this is the case), control the likelihood of conflict. Or watch the behavior of people who are hot-tempered, in your opinion, be prepared for their manifestation inappropriate reactions. Prepared, you will be less painful dangerous situation.

Always remember to laugh. This positive emotion are characterized by miraculous powers that charge people with positivity and at the same time relieve them of stress, depression and aggressive feelings. Don't feel like laughing? You can just smile. There is an exercise in yoga called the “Buddha Smile”, the essence of which is to relax the facial muscles as much as possible and then lightly move the corners of the lips to form a smile. It is important not to make any muscular efforts - everything should happen at the level of internal sensations. Yoga practitioners say that with the appearance of such a subtle smile, the whole body is filled with joy, and there is no place in this feeling aggression.

The best way from aggression– don’t accumulate it in yourself. Any excess of negativity is well spent in physical education and sports. Today many people, concerned about the too frequent occurrence of aggression, anger and irritability, they say thanks to a very original type of aerobics - phytoboxing, which is a successful combination of fitness and boxing. Nothing complicated: come to the gym, put on special gloves and hit the bag as hard as you can. The pear is unusual; it is installed on the floor, filled with water or a granular substance. What’s remarkable is that some pears have the shape of , all you have to do is imagine that in front of you is the person who irritates you the most, and...

Find time to relax. Syndrome chronic fatigue, intense rhythm provoke us into outbursts aggression. This is not surprising - this is how the body reacts to external stimuli. As paradoxical as it sounds, you can start your working day with rest. Get up a little earlier than usual and devote it to setting up emotional balance. It could be yoga, not tiresome morning exercises, walking in the park, etc.