Secrets successful communication, or how to become a pleasant conversationalist?

“She literally glows from within”...

“Her face lit up with a smile”...

Familiar expressions, aren't they? Why do we say exactly these words and phrases about many of our interlocutors?

Indeed, many of us have met people in our lives from whom it seemed to us that some kind of glow emanated from them, warm light. Such light seemed to become the background of these people’s lives. " Sunny people"! “Sunny natures”... Such people always attract attention, they are very pleasant to us, we feel good around them, and it’s pleasant to communicate with them, we like them, even if they are completely ugly in appearance. Many would like to be like them, but we can’t even imagine how easy it is to achieve this, how easy it is to become the one from whom emanates constant light and warmth, generously given to those around us.

In the ability and mastery of communication there are following rules or exercises that you need to remember and follow in order to become a pleasant, desirable interlocutor, a “sunny” person:

1. Inner glow should become your reflex to your interlocutor. (Ideally - a reflex to any living creature, for life, for the beauty of nature...) The glow inside you should not go out just because there is a at the moment there is no one and you are alone. You must constantly evoke this feeling within yourself, “train” its constant presence. And don’t let it bother you that at first the feeling of “light” will disappear from your inner essence without your desire, and that it is not possible to preserve it always and not everywhere. Belief in the need for glow in your life, the habit of bringing it into your internal state souls will do their work in time.

2. No matter how the communication takes place (from misunderstanding to conflict), the glow reflex should not leave you or seem unimportant and unnecessary to you. Figuratively speaking, even in the ring he would not harm you, but would confuse your opponent.

3. Don’t think about the result of the dialogue, don’t count the “change” from your inner glow “given” to your interlocutor, don’t “loan” it, but generously give it to people. Do you want to become a “rich person”? The sooner you forget about this desire, the faster you will become it!

Always and everywhere, with everyone and with everyone, we can, using the power of suggestion to ourselves, turn on our inner light, radiate heat coming from within. Instill in yourself that a fire, a candle, a huge hot sun is burning inside you... In a word, a constant source of heat and light lives inside you. This source is yourself. You sanctify and warm everything around you. Remember your feelings from a friendly handshake, from communicating with bright people, from your sympathy or love for someone. Remember these most pleasant sensations from something bright and joyful in your life, accumulate them together and “turn on” inside yourself for no reason, just like that. The time will come when a similar state of mind will come to you not caused by memories, but on its own, moreover, easily, naturally and naturally. You will notice how people are drawn to you, how they rush to enjoy communicating with you. After all, there is warmth around you now, bright light and a pleasant, kind atmosphere.

Do you want to know three basic rules that, if you follow them, will help you achieve certain heights and victories in communicating with people?

1. So, the first rule. Don't blame the person, but try to understand him! (By accusing your interlocutor of anything, you will only cause him to protest...)

2. Rule two. Let your interlocutor satisfy his vanity in a conversation, help him inner virtues“go out” and evaluate them.

3. Third rule. Do not insist on your point of view, convincing your interlocutor of something, but evoke in him a sincere desire to do what you ask, to agree to your conditions and proposals.

And now a little more about why the above rules are so important and paramount in communication.

When entering into a conversation with your interlocutor, build your dialogue with him so that you talk not about what discords you with this person, but about where your opinions with him are most similar. At the same time, several times in the conversation, focus on the fact that you are both striving for the same goal, perhaps only your methods of achieving it are different, but the desire is the same (naturally, if this corresponds to reality).

The art of building a dialogue and persuading the interlocutor “in your direction” lies in achieving positive answers for yourself at the beginning of the conversation. The more “yes” your interlocutor says to you, the more skillful you are at talking to people. When you say “yes,” there is no alienation or denial from the interlocutor. Frequent “no” in conversation with psychological point vision gives rise to general denial from the interlocutor, even if he was ready to lean in your direction on a certain issue. His entire neuromuscular-impulse system will take a defensive position against you. Is this what you sought in the negotiations?

Therefore, we propose here to recall the secrets of communication that experienced psychologists and thinkers possessed in ancient times. One of the wisest psychologists of his time and a man who came up with more than one iconic formula proper communication- Socrates never told his interlocutor that he was wrong about something. In the psychology of communication, there is such a thing as the “Socratic method,” which is based on receiving affirmative and positive answers from the interlocutor. To speak “in the Socratic way” means to ask questions that the interlocutor could not help but answer in the affirmative, to turn the conversation in a direction in which your opponent could not disagree with you...

By following the above rules, you will learn to receive positive answers from your interlocutor even to those questions that a few minutes earlier caused them to be in denial and unwilling to resolve them.

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MENSBY

4.5

How to produce pleasant experience on others, it’s easy to make contacts, find friends and be liked opposite sex? Detailed Guide how to be a nice person.

While everyone has the right to be their own person and express themselves, there are basic ways that anyone who wants to improve their relationships with others can take advantage of. Best impression The impact you have on others and an excellent reputation can be useful to you in networking, career development and personal relationships.

1. Be pleasant in conversation

1.1 Treat others with respect and be polite to everyone you meet. This means respect your friends, strangers, and most importantly, respect yourself! If you act judgmental or dismissive towards other people, they are more likely to give you back negative emotions. Friendliness and respect will help you make friends faster.

Communicate kindly and calmly with strangers, calmly ask for favors, respond directly, and don't forget the "please and thank you."

Remember that everyone you talk to is human too. Just because you pay someone to serve your table doesn't give you the right to be rude; treat them the way you would like to be treated.

As J.K. said. Rowling, “It is easier to see a person’s true nature by how he treats his subordinates rather than his peers.”

1.2. Be confident. People like to be around someone who is confident without being arrogant. Be confident in who you are without stepping on toes. An adequate level of confidence is knowing that you great person, but there is always someone better than you.

If you constantly criticize yourself and are unhappy with who you are, you run the risk of people thinking the same way about you. After all, if you don't like yourself, why should others like you?

The other side of the coin is just as bad - be too self-confident, and others will think that you are so self-liking that you don’t try to please someone else. The goal is a sense of satisfaction, not excessive pride.

1.3 Be honest, but do it carefully. It is especially important to be honest with your friends and people who ask for your advice. People can usually easily tell who is frequently lying and insincere; No one likes insincere people. The people you want to communicate with must have a low tolerance for liars.

If someone asks, “Does this make me look fat?” (yes, it's a cliché, but it's classic example), comment carefully, trying not to offend the person. If you know a lot about fashion, tell me why. They will trust you, knowing that you are honest and helpful.

There are tricks to being frank with someone who isn't asking for your advice. Commenting something like this could cause either a reaction of approval or offense, depending on the person, so be aware of the situation. You'll likely want to avoid making negative comments, no matter how true, with people you don't know or aren't friends with.

1.4 Listen. There isn't a single person on this planet who gets too much attention (at least not a single person who isn't being followed by the paparazzi). When we humans start a conversation, most of us want someone to be genuinely interested in what we're saying—the other person's participation isn't that important. Don't think you're boring! You make the other person feel good about themselves.

It's important to listen actively, though. If someone talks and talks about himself effective way washing his dog, looking away does not mean being good listener. Try to participate fully in the conversation - with your eyes, nodding, commenting and asking questions, the position of your body - you should be completely focused on it.

1.5 Ask questions. Most good conversation (and when you listen) consists of questions. A person leaves a master of communication after a conversation, feeling good and not realizing that he did not learn anything from the person, because he was talking all the time. Be that master. Ask who, why and how. The other person will feel appreciated and will start going into detail, which will take all the pressure off of you. And he will like you.

Let everything have an “open ending”. If Julia from the office says: “Damn, I’ve been sitting on this stupid Powerpoint for hours,” insert yourself into the conversation! Ask her what she does, why it takes her so long, or if she's been looking for additional information. Even basic topics like Powerpoint can help get you started. good conversation, in which Julia will be the center of attention.

1.6 Call people by name. One of the rules successful book Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People says to use the person's name in conversation. The sound of our name excites a part of the brain that sleeps with all other sounds, and we like it. Our names are our identity, and talking to someone who uses them makes us feel validated. So the next time you talk to someone you know, discreetly insert their name. Chances are that he will feel a connection with you that he didn't have before.

It's easy to do. The most obvious way is to add a name to the greeting. “Hey Robert, how are you?” sounds more personal than “Hey, how are you?” And if you and Robert are close enough to say, “Hey, Robin Bobbin! What's up, man?" - that will work too. Besides greetings, you can also insert a name almost anywhere. At the beginning of a conversation: “Do you think this would suit my desk, Robert?”, or simply comment: “Robert, you are very funny.” Robert will feel as if you are best friends.

1.7 Know your audience. Chances are you know people from different social groups. To please high school queens, you need to act very differently than with college students. Faculty of Engineering. So know who you're dealing with. What do they like? What do they value? What are they interested in?

If you want to be genuinely liked (being popular and being liked by everyone are not the same thing), you're in luck: all people usually like the same qualities. Reliability, honesty, warmth and kindness, according to recent surveys, are valued most (across all types of relationships), followed in importance by openness, intelligence and a sense of humor.

1.8 Watch for backlash. You can ask all the questions you want, be very polite, say only the right things, and still people will not react to it. If every time you approach Vanya urgently needs to answer the phone, take the hint. Spend your resources on someone else. This is bound to happen – you can’t please everyone. It's important to try, but it's also very important to know where to put your effort.

In a relationship you have to give and take. If you're always the one who puts in the effort and tries to be nice and friendly, take a closer look at the situation. If there is an explanation for this (the second person is now experiencing hard times, works 60 hours a week, and so on), then you will have to be patient a little. But if they always have time for others but not you, leave. You can't be friends with everyone.

1.9 Make someone laugh. Everyone likes a person who can lighten the mood and make you laugh. good feeling humor can help you a lot. If people know you like to joke around and have a good time, they'll want to join in. This is also great way be friendly because people know what to say (they want to be liked as much as you do) - they can joke too! Everyone is happy.

If sometimes people laugh at you, that's good! If you can laugh at yourself, that's a plus. This will show that you open man and don’t think only about your image - these are two very good qualities. And research shows that if you get into awkward situation and laugh about it, people will like you more, and they will trust you - you will become a living person in their eyes.

2. Master pleasant body language

2.1 Don't forget to smile! You will radiate positive energy and can improve the mood of everyone around you. Even if you don't feel happy or feel very depressed, the muscles involved in smiling can trigger a feeling of lightness and happiness.

Think about something good or moments from the past that made you laugh to make you laugh. sincere smile. People will think, why are you smiling?

It takes more muscles to frown than to smile - and that's it good reason! Everyone should smile, not frown.

2.2 Open up. The fact is that everyone wants to be liked. All. This is simple logic - than more people like you, the easier it is for you to live. Since everyone is fighting the same battle, help them out a little. Be open to communication. Smile, open your arms and put down your phone. The world is before you. What will come to you if you let him in?

Think about the people you would like to be friends with. Chances are you won't use the adjective "gloomy." If you want to make it easier for you to find a friend, make sure you radiate positive emotions. Let your body be relaxed, get involved in what is happening around you and notice people. In fact, it will become twice as easy.

2.3 Make eye contact. Have you ever talked to a person while their eyes wandered around the room but never looked at you? It's a disgusting feeling - as soon as you notice it, you want to shut up and see if it's even noticed. Don't be that person. If someone is getting too carried away, it's okay to look away (you don't want to play a staring contest), but if they're talking on topic, give them your attention. You'd like it too!

Some people have problems with eye contact– they just don’t make eye contact. If this applies to you, try to trick yourself and look at your nose or eyebrows. People tend to lose their minds if you don't look at them, so fool them and yourself by looking at their orbital ossicles.

2.4 Mirror their movements. This known method create a subconscious connection between you, mirroring and repeating the movements of the interlocutor, so that you both are in the same pose, with the same facial expression, weight distribution, general position bodies and so on. Try to play with this during a conversation - the imaginary “sameness” can help you. However, you should do this subconsciously, don't overdo it - you might get too carried away!

This technique works well with peers, not with elders. Recent studies have shown that a negative effect - coldness, etc. - can occur if two subjects are in an inappropriate environment (talking about money, problems with work, etc.). Save it for a group of friends you want to get close to, not your boss.

2.5 Show the difference. Chances are, at some point in your life, someone has emphasized the importance of keeping your shoulders back, holding your head high, and squeezing your hand tightly when greeting someone. While this is fine for some situations (like a job interview), it won't help you get liked or make friends. Your body should be relaxed. Show that you are not challenging your interlocutor to a duel.

Think about how you say hello. In that video where Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela met (two people who have the right to think of themselves as important), both showed themselves to be different - friendly and helpful to each other, using their free hand for extra touch , smiling. They show that they respect and like each other - this will help you like them.

2.6 Use the force of touch. People need other people in order to survive and in order to be happy. Children who lack touch do not thrive. The same thing happens in adult life! If you want to create a stronger connection with someone, find reasons to touch them. Of course, within acceptable limits! Touch an arm or shoulder, or even high-five someone. Small moments turn into connections when you add touch to them.

Think about someone coming up to you and saying, “Hi! How are you?" Now imagine that same person coming up to you and saying, “[Your name]! How are you?" The second is better, isn't it? Use it. It won't cost you anything.

3. Think about it

3.1 Love people. Let's face it, the easiest way to get people to like you is to make them like you. It's not that difficult anymore, is it? Sure, you've been around someone who didn't care whether you were there or not. But you were also in opposite situation– with people who made you feel needed and were happy to see you. What do you like best, even if you can't explain why?

You can't expect people to like you if you can't say the same about yourself. Chances are you like the people you want to like (why else would you care about their opinions?), so let them know that! Smile when they enter the room. Talk. Make comments about what they mentioned last Wednesday to let them know you listened. Small things will tune them into your sincerity.

3.2 Be positive. Everyone wants to be around someone who radiates so much energy that they light up the entire room. The opposite is also true - no one wants to be near Princess Nesmeyana. To get people to like you, be positive. This means smile, be enthusiastic, happy, look at everything in an optimistic light. You probably have an example to follow.

This behavior should be around the clock. It will be difficult for you to radiate positivity if your soul is heavy. You need to train your brain to make some changes - and positive thinking will be one of them. Try to always be optimistic, even if you are alone; so you will quickly get used to it.

Know when to sympathize. There is a special level of connection between those who complain. Talking to your co-workers about how terrible your new boss is will bring you together, but if that's all you do, you'll only be associated with negativity. Rarely complain and only comment, never start a conversation with a complaint.

3.3 Think about yours strengths and find out how you can manifest them. What talent or character trait do your friends love? Show them to the world! People are drawn to those who have passions and abilities. This makes us useful and interesting. Whatever it is, fly your flag proudly.

If you're a good singer, take the stage on karaoke night and entertain everyone. Are you a good baker? Bring treats to the office. Do you draw? Invite a group of people to your exhibition or simply hang your painting in the family room. Let everyone see your personality and get to know you better.

3.4 Most importantly, don't forget to be yourself. It's impossible to please everyone - your fake identities may play tricks on you at some point in your life - but you will gain the approval of those who matter and with whom you have a lot in common.

People like authenticity, so don't change yourself so much that you feel uncomfortable with the changes. Pretending may alert those who respond. Let all your words and actions matter. If you want to be liked, then you have good intentions and everything will be fine.

3.5 Know that people are only momentarily impressed by appearances. They like sincerity. So, for now, that designer bag and those perfect abs have won a few fans, but it won't last long. Of course, it's tempting to think that being attractive will make people like you, but only in one sense. If people find out that you are a liar, they will run away from you and won't care what you look like.

IN latest research people were asked what qualities they thought other people looked for in friends or relationships. Money, looks and status have taken up enough high places. But when asked what they valued, they said honesty, warmth and kindness. Society tells us (and it's not true) that looks and money are more important than anything else, but deep down you know that's not true.

It is important to maintain hygiene. People won't want to hang out with you if you smell like you just walked into a manure farm. Even if you have the character of the son of Mother Teresa and Jim Carrey, you will be treated lukewarmly. So take a shower, brush your teeth, look in the mirror before going out and go out with a smile.

3.6 Acknowledge that you feel vulnerable. The desire to be liked leaves you at the mercy of others. Leaving your comfort zone will be a challenge for you. The actions you take will scare you. This is good. This is a challenge to yourself. This is how you will develop. If you still feel like yourself, you are only building your character by improving it. It can be scary, but it's worth it.

There is a difference between wanting to be liked and needing to be liked in order to feel happy. Your opinion of yourself should not be based on the opinions of others; so you will be offended very quickly. But if you feel comfortable and just want to be well received, that's worthy of respect. People will see it and react. The fear will go away very quickly.

3.7 Control your weaknesses. Most people don't like people who can't face their shortcomings. If you say things like, “It's okay...good enough for me,” or constantly talk about how fat or ugly you are, people will notice that you don't like yourself. Your personal negativity should not spread to others. So leave it at the door. It's not good for you and it's not good for your friendship.

Imperfections are the feelings and behaviors you show when you are unhappy with yourself. If you feel uncomfortable, it ruins the mood of the entire room and many people won't want to deal with it. Don't be afraid to appear modest or arrogant. Say what you really think. You have value. We all have it.

3.8 Know that you can control your thoughts. Negative thinking can be learned and just as easily forgotten; no one says, “Oh my God, my child is so negative.” If you have problems with optimism, fortunately, you are the one who can help you! Your brain is plastic and can be trained. You need to gather your courage and do it.

The easiest way to start is to stop. Stop negative thinking. When you find yourself thinking negatively about yourself, don't finish the thought. Replace it with something more positive and realistic. You will feel better. Turn “I'm fat” into “I'd like to lose some weight. How would I do this? and the thought will flow in a different direction. So get started!

3.9 Don't worry about other people's things prejudice. We know that confidence appeals to everyone, and not caring what others say about you has the same effect. When you start presenting yourself, people will notice. Think about the guy at a party who is "peacocking." He wants everyone to notice his masculinity. It's unattractive. It's disingenuous and, let's be honest, sad; he doesn't think he's good in himself. Don't be this guy.

Whether you're a nerd, a hipster or a jock, it doesn't matter. If people think your love of glitter polish means you're an idiot, well, they're wrong. If they think your veganism is stupid, so be it. Even funny. People will judge you, so let them. They can think whatever they want. This shouldn't worry you.

4. Develop pleasant habits

4.1 Be friendly and kind. Do you know why shy people are they treated badly? Because people think that they are cold and indifferent. These are two qualities that frighten and repel. So be the exact opposite! Warmth and kindness are highly valued in society - this means that you think about the interests of the individual and want to do what is best. Who wouldn't like it?

Start making random good deeds. Do something for others, even if you don't know them. Hold the door when entering or leaving a building, help a stranger who has dropped something, encourage the group to take a photo of them if they are seen trying to do so. This type of selflessness inspires others to do the same in return—not just for you, but for other people in their lives.

4.2 Be an extrovert...before to a certain extent. Generally speaking, people like some degree of openness. This makes sense: we all want to talk and be sociable, and hanging out with extroverts reduces the risk of awkwardness. If you're sitting at a table not participating in a conversation, you might as well be somewhere else. Cast your vote! Let him be heard. How else will people know you are valuable?

However, if you know you can't be talked over, you'll need to calm down a bit. Everyone likes it good conversationalist, but no one wants to spend time with a person who won't let them get a word in edgewise. If you made the last five comments, back up a little. The second person does not necessarily have to intervene in the conversation, maybe he needs an invitation. Find out his opinion so you can share in the pleasure of the conversation.

4.3 Don't be clingy. People like nice people, and not those who are ready to die, but to please. If you constantly compliment them and follow them around, you won't get what you want. They will see you as an annoying mosquito that needs to be swatted away. Try not to be needy.

If you pay attention, you will see hints. If someone doesn't answer your calls, only communicates with you when they need something, don't try too hard - and if you're constantly begging them to spend time with you, you might be clingy. Although you have good intentions, despair is not attractive. Back off and see if they come back.

4.4 Ask for favors. If you've ever heard of the Benjamin Franklin Effect, you know what it's all about. It turns out that we often make decisions based on our own behavior. If you do something nice for someone, you will like them more. If you offend someone, you will like them less. It's all about cognitive dissonance. So ask for a favor - if the person helps you, they might like you even more.

The point is that we subconsciously look at our behavior and ask ourselves what you did. Why did we lend this friend our favorite coffee cup? Well... probably because you like him. It's funny, but deciding that we like someone is the same as actually liking the person.

4.5 Keep your promises. Make sure you can handle all your responsibilities. They're called "responsibilities" because you have an obligation to try to complete a given task, so don't back down. last minute. If this cannot be avoided, let everyone involved in the task know that you will not be able to complete it. This can be annoying, but at least they will know what to expect and adjust their schedule as necessary.

Whether you're cooking dinner or finishing up a project, it's important to keep your friends and co-workers in the loop. Be it email letting people know everything is okay or a note apologizing for the delay will be appreciated. Not knowing can be exhausting, even if the project is completed on time and to the highest standard.

4.6 Stand up for your beliefs, but don't preach them. To be liked, you must be a person. Nobody will argue with this. To be a person is to have beliefs, opinions and standards. Express them! They are part of you. If we were all the same, life would be unbearably boring. Insert your two cents. You can contribute something interesting.

Standing up for your beliefs is one thing, preaching is another. If you disagree with someone's comment on a topic, great! Find out more. Talk about it. Have an intelligent discussion about your different points of view. You will both learn something. Instead of shutting someone down, telling them they are wrong and preaching your ideas, open your mind and try to understand their point of view. Maybe you will understand something too.

4.7 Know that the most important thing is that everyone is happy. Humans are sensitive creatures. If someone you know starts arguing that the Easter Bunny is lost son Jesus Christ and you want to please him, don't make a scene about how stupid it sounds. Let the person speak. It's the same if someone says, "I really think I'm like this. good man. I mean, my actions are so humble and selfless.” This is not a reason to get angry and express everything you think about this person.

Again, this rule only applies if you want to please these people. After a certain amount of comments about what a great person he is, you may well not be able to contain yourself. But if you're new to a group, sometimes it's better to just go with the flow.

4.8 Give compliments. Everyone is looking for approval. We want to be told that we are beautiful, smart, funny, and so on. We can never have enough. So when someone comes up to us and says something nice, it can lift our spirits throughout the day. Think about it: some people never hear anything good about themselves in their entire lives. Change it. This will take two seconds of your time.

"Be sincere. Don't walk up to someone and tell them you like their sweatpants. Let your words have meaning. Say something to the person themselves. It could be something as simple as, 'That's a great idea.' “It’s often easier to believe in little things, and they carry. more meaning. “You are so funny” after a joke or: “Your article made me think.” Whatever you say, make it matter. You will most likely receive the same answer.

4.9 Try. Most people don't flutter around like butterflies. We would like some attention, but we don't know how to get it. We all feel vulnerable in social situations, and we want to minimize this feeling. Realizing that we all feel the same will help you realize that you can try and it won't look weird - it will. a brave act. Everyone else “wants” but feels awkward. If there is someone you would like to become friends with, start talking to them. This might be exactly what he's been waiting for.

It's impossible to please if you're... empty space. Often we feel as if no one likes us, when in fact others have no feelings about us - simply because you have not proven yourself. Next time you're in a group of people you want to like, show your personality. Try to get a place in this group. Make a joke, smile, start a normal conversation. This is where it all begins.

Adviсe

A very simple way to be liked is to ask someone to help you. Try to find a request that matches his skills or interests. This will not only show that you are thoughtful, but also that you respect his authority in the matter.

Nice people are those who like people. People feel if they are liked. If you want to please someone, focus on something you like about them. If you don't like them...maybe it's not that important to like them.

Dress up. Don't hide behind clothes and hair. Wear clothes that suit you and, if possible, add color to your wardrobe. If you think about your appearance, it will help you feel better inside too.

Be open. If you look sad or angry, people will understand that on some level and won't want to talk to you. Even if you're angry or upset, think about all the things that could make you happy about the situation, and try to save your difficult thoughts for time with close friends and family.

Don't brag. Braggers are unattractive. You won't look better; your behavior will look as if you are waiting for applause. It's not cute.

Warnings

Even if you notice something in yourself that needs to be changed, do not forget to be proud of yourself. Your personality is amazing, there is something in you that can be shown without embarrassment, and everyone has shortcomings, and they can be corrected.

Don't be fake. People will notice the awkwardness of your mannerisms and realize that you are just acting. You need to really believe in what you are doing, otherwise things will turn out even worse. First impressions are important, however, it may seem insincere that you care so much new person in your life, although in reality this is not the case. Behave the way you would like to be treated.

Remember that it is impossible, and not necessary, to please everyone! There will always be people who you will upset and who will upset you, for better or for worse. Know when to walk away, be respectful and handle conflicts maturely. Don't blame yourself for mistakes and always be confident in yourself.

Don't try to convince others that they like you. If you list your best qualities, I might think that you are arrogant. Let people see for themselves how good you are.

Don't try to obviously please everyone. People see this and stop communicating with you.

Some people can instantly light up everything around them! They make us feel important and special. We cannot always determine for what reasons, but we know that we simply like the person.

These are the people we want to be around and like. What makes them so attractive?

1. They shift the focus to others.

Nobody gets enough praise. Nobody. So start telling people what they are doing well. And then they will feel more satisfied and important. They will love you because you make them feel this way.

2. They listen much more than they talk.

Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Nod your head. Answer - not so much with words, but non-verbally. That's all it takes to show the other person that he or she is important.

Then, when you speak, don't offer advice unless asked. When you listen, it shows much more caring than when you offer advice because it starts a conversation about yourself.

Speak only when you have something important, something that matters to the other person, not to you.

3. They don't practice selective listening.

Charismatic people listen carefully to everyone, regardless of position or social status, and make it clear that they have something in common with them. Although it is true. We are all people.

4. They are caring simply because they want to be.

Instead of turning time into just “me time,” nice people use their free time to do something good. Not because it is expected of them, but because they can.

5. They focus on communication

They don't constantly look at their phone or watch when talking to someone. They give full attention. This is a gift that few give.

6. They give before they receive, although sometimes they receive nothing.

Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you have to offer.

Giving is the only way establish strong connections and relationships.

7. They don't show much self-importance...

The only people who are impressed by your swaggering, pretentious persona are other swaggering, pretentious, selfish people. The others are not impressed.

Conceit is annoying, alienating, and makes others feel uncomfortable.

8. ...because they understand that other people are more important

You already know what you know. You know your opinion. You know your perspectives and points of view. It doesn't matter because it's already yours. You can't learn anything from yourself.

But you don't know what other people know. It makes other people more important than you because you can learn from them.

9. They choose their words

The words you use affect the attitudes of others.

We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic people. The words you choose can help other people feel more beautiful and feel better about themselves.

10. They do not discuss the shortcomings of others...

Of course, many people like to gossip and hear a little dirt. But don't laugh at other people. When you do this, people around you wonder if you're laughing at them too.

11. ...But they readily admit their shortcomings.

It often seems incredible successful people have charisma simply because they are successful. Their success seems to create a halo effect, almost like a glow.

The key word here is "seems".

You don't have to be incredibly successful to be charismatic. Be meek. Admit your mistakes. Be cautionary tale. And laugh at yourself. Let people not laugh at you, let them laugh with you!

They will love you even more for it and want to be around you.

There are people who are drawn to. People want to communicate with them, their advice is listened to, and thanks to such people their mood improves. They're nice. What makes some people nice and others so-so?

Firstly, appearance. WITH beautiful people It’s nice to communicate, it’s nice to work. But it’s not so much about spectacular appearance, but about grooming. Sloppiness is repulsive.

Secondly, always has a smile. Even if you are not Claudia Schiffer or Alain Delon, you can attract people with a smile much more than arrogant handsome men and beauties. Just don't overdo it. Perpetually stretched lips cause some misunderstanding.

Thirdly, listening skills. This is one of those factors that can turn you into a pleasant conversationalist. People are so designed that they like to talk about themselves. If you listen to everything that a person tells you, and even ask questions, you simply turn into a godsend. Rest assured, the conversation will not come to an end for a long time. Just choose a pleasant person as your interlocutor, who will give you the opportunity to get a word in.

Fourthly, be tactful. Don’t step on your interlocutor’s sore spot (and everyone has one), go around sharp corners, don’t “poke” into your interlocutor’s mistakes, and he will appreciate it.

Fifthly, sympathize with your interlocutor if he needs your sympathy, give advice if necessary... In general, take part in the conversation, and don’t stand like a pillar: “Chattering? Well, let him chatter to himself!”

Sixth, remember what they tell you. There is nothing worse than constant questions a la Ivan Vasilyevich from the film of the same name: “What is your first name and patronymic?” The colors, of course, are condensed, but, you see, what’s the point of talking to someone who doesn’t remember anything from your conversations?

Seventh, Have your own opinion about everything, don’t “bend in” to someone else’s. It is a mistake to believe that nice person won't argue. Well, unless he considers it absolutely hopeless... In fact, it is very nice to communicate with someone who has his own opinion on any issue, who can convince you that his opinion is correct. But be careful: don’t turn into a stubborn bull who cannot be moved. What if your opinion is wrong? You will scare away all your interlocutors with your categoricalness.

And also, do not use other people’s words for personal gain: sometimes you talk to a person and you can see him thinking: “Oh, can you do this? I'll need this! Oh, do you have that? Good for me! Communication with such people is kept to a minimum.

The most important, try to be yourself, don't play. Sincerity (but definitely plus tact) - best way be a nice person.

Your friends, strangers and most importantly, respect yourself! If you act judgmental or dismissive towards other people, they are likely to return negative emotions to you. Friendliness and respect will help you make friends faster.

• Chat with strangers kindly and calmly, be patient when asking for favors, answer directly and do not forget about “please” and “thank you”.
• Remember that everyone you talk to is human too. Just because you pay someone to serve your table doesn't give you the right to be rude; treat them the way you would like to be treated.
  • As J.K. said. Rowling, “It is easier to see a person’s true nature by how he treats his subordinates rather than his peers.”

Be confident. People like to be around someone who is confident without being arrogant. An adequate level of confidence is knowing that you are a great person, but there is always someone better than you.

• If you constantly criticize yourself and are unhappy with who you are, you run the risk of people thinking the same way about you. After all, if you don't like yourself, why should others like you?
• The other side of the coin is just as bad - be too self-confident, and others will think that you are so yourself that you don’t try to please anyone else. The goal is a sense of satisfaction, not excessive pride.