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Unfortunately, not all of us are given the natural ability to keep our emotions and feelings under strict control. It depends on the person’s temperament, his upbringing, and character traits. However, many people are well aware that self-control is one of the main factors contributing to success in any field.
The ability to control the expression of one's feelings and emotions is also important for personal development person. Psychologists believe that every person can learn to manage their emotions. We will try to figure out how to learn to control ourselves in our article.
Learn to control your feelings and emotions It is also possible based on practical experience.
- So, business people, we strongly recommend planning your day as carefully as possible and sticking to your schedule as closely as possible. Planning and following your plans teaches not only self-control and discipline, but allows you to move closer to your goals at a faster pace, and, therefore, improve the quality of your life.
- Sports and systematic approach to your physical activity, they allow you to control and manage your emotions in the best possible way. If you want to let off steam, relieve tension, think about the situation, go to the gym. Triple benefit: and physical fitness You will put things in order, and pacify the raging emotions, and relieve the tension.
- Learn to meditate. Since self-control begins in our head, meditation can become the best technique, strengthening the mind. The ability to concentrate is one of the useful properties meditation and it is in the process of meditation that a person learns to resist the influence of external factors.
Of course, learning to control and manage your feelings and emotions is not easy - it is complex and painstaking work every day. But once you master self-control techniques, you will notice how much your life will change.
Good luck to you!
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How to learn control food
You can often hear " I can't control myself", "I - impulsive person", "Control drives me crazy", "My sugar cravings drive me crazy", etc. For some reason people think that control necessarily means restrictions and constant stress, that it can go crazy, and life can become gray and joyless. Maybe, but now about something else. In fact, to control yourself in something means to stop being distracted by all sorts of nonsense.
It’s convenient to convince yourself: “I can’t control food and I break down,” but I want to ask a few reasonable questions:
1. Ok, you can't control food, what do you control in your life?
2. Why do you voluntarily abdicate responsibility for your own choices? You make a choice, right? When do you decide to continue eating or stop, eat dessert or refuse? Or does the food just fly into your mouth?
3. Why do you like being a victim? Holidays, friends, no time, no season, temptations that you can’t resist. And then remorse, self-flagellation, punishment. Why are you doing this?
Just don’t be sour: “I am who I am.” If you are satisfied with everything, accept yourself, and you don’t have to read further. But if it interferes, take responsibility to improve your life.
Responsibility has nothing to do with guilt. This is an understanding of WHAT needs to be done to achieve the desired result and the ability to force it, noting the consequences of your actions. We already know everything, right? We know that to lose weight you need to eat with an adequate calorie deficit for a long time, choose real food instead of processed foods, exercise, get enough sleep, and drink water. How many makes people this, but how many simply know, but stubbornly continue to dream of losing weight?
Once you understand the importance of doing what you can every day to develop new habits, everything will fall into place. You will stop looking for excuses, say goodbye to the role of the victim, and in a matter of weeks you will not recognize your reflection.
Last week I asked the question: “Who needs your excuses?” So, no one needs them except you. The result is either there or it is not. Yes, situations happen that cannot be foreseen, but the only thing that matters is how you act - give up or do as much as you can under the current conditions.
The very phrase “I can’t control my eating or cravings for sweets” sounds scary. Work on this lies in the field of psychotherapy, but not in nutrition. Well, tell me, how can a nutritionist help a person who does not control himself? For example, for my own safety, I try to stay away from people who are not responsible for their actions, because I simply don’t know what to expect from them. author Ekaterina Golovina It may seem that I am exaggerating, but this is exactly what “I can’t control” looks like from the outside.
Next I'll give you a few simple recommendations, which once helped me return take responsibility for yourself, but I warn you, this personal experience. If you have psychological problems, consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. And if you just feel like a lazy ass, but are ready to start taking action, then let’s start:
1. Decide to stop being a victim. Keep a diary, track your thoughts, actions, and their results every day.
2. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, “pampering” yourself, and consoling yourself. Everyone sucks. Is it true. Failures, conflicts, Bad mood, stress is not a reason to soothe yourself with sweets. You are an adult, treat yourself adequately.
3. Stop thinking of responsibility as punishment: “ I'm responsible for your results." No, you are responsible for what you do now. It is useless to regret the past or expect that tomorrow you will be turned away from sweets forever, and in the new year your love for training will awaken or what will come perfect time when no one and nothing will stop you from finishing what you started. Reality is what it is, so focus on what you can control. No one can control other people, the economy, inflation, the weather, but everyone can control themselves (except for mentally ill people/people with an altered state of consciousness).
4. You know exactly what you need to do (if you don’t know, read my blog), now think about which of these things you do regularly? Write on paper what you are ready to do: reduce portions, stop eating, count calories, train three times a week, give up the elevator, walk more often, drink two liters of water, etc. Next to each item, write down what it will cost you. Counting calories means you will have to spend time calculating your norm, planning meals, and mastering an application with a calorie counter. Stop biting - you may experience some discomfort, hunger or increased appetite. To train will mean that you will have to give up other activities previously planned for this time. Write, don't be shy. And at the very end, choose the most important thing, think about whether you are ready to pay this price.
Nothing comes for free. You need to work, overcome yourself, do what you are lazy or don’t want, for the sake of what you really want. Remember, every action strengthens a habit, every overcoming strengthens the will.
Every person dreams of being happy, achieving success, creating prosperous family. To do this, he creates plans, defines his goals and objectives, imagining in advance a plan for solving them and his own actions. But it is common for a person to be distracted, to forget about everything he has in mind, succumbing to a momentary desire or action that does not at all correspond to the chosen plan of action. Distracted by a fleeting desire, an individual tends to not only forget about the plans he has made, but also finds it difficult to return to their implementation. The reason for all this is the individual’s lack of ability to control his actions, desires and emotions. The ability to control one’s own “I” is an individual’s character strength, which helps to hold back unnecessary emotions, take control of feelings, the ability to act purposefully at any time, restrain impulsive impulses, while following established norms and rules of behavior.
Deprived of self-control of one's own emotional states and feelings, a person can easily succumb to them and commit uncontrollable, rash acts. The ability to restrain and self-control are those character qualities that modern world not enough for most. Due to the presence of different species and different upbringing of individuals, situations called conflicts occur very often. A person’s emotionality, lack of self-control skills, control of one’s own emotions, leads to disastrous consequences and changes mental state individual, the development of aggression. Therefore, how to learn to control yourself and not get angry is not an easy question, but one that psychologists often ask.
A person experiences deep respect, admiration and, most importantly, a desire to become like him, looking at a person who is able to control emotions, act in accordance with set goals, able to achieve success without being distracted by petty desires, focus on the main thing, and separate the unimportant from the truly important.
How to control yourself and not get nervous? Realize that this personality quality is necessary, find a point of contact that encourages agreement with your own “I”. Restraint and the ability to control helps regulate levels of emotional manifestations, which allows you to achieve success in various fields, the most important thing is to install peace of mind and maintain a healthy psyche. Possessing the quality of control allows an individual to feel protected, achieve personal freedom, and gain respect from himself and from the people around him. A person who is capable of not submitting, but overcoming his own momentary desires, is strong, capable of overcoming all kinds of difficulties. Meanwhile, his willpower is difficult to break for those who wish harm to this individual. Discreet people able to control themselves, their own actions, thoughts, emotions, actions.
How to learn to control yourself and not get angry at others? How to learn to act correctly? Actions for which a person subsequently repents are often committed in a state of emotional dyscontrol and driven by false feelings. There is absolutely nothing good about a person’s emotions taking precedence over his reason. Everything should interact harmoniously, leading a person to success in professional field, in personal life and to the inner peace of mind. Therefore, a person who wants to learn control must carefully analyze own behavior and desires. Having done this, find " weak points", where he allows himself to give in and let his emotions take over.
Itshak Pintosevich, a person who is a coach for the success of human life, expressed the opinion that for the effectiveness and success of achieving self-control, control must consist of three components that must develop simultaneously:
– first, the subject needs to learn to treat himself honestly, not to be deceived and not to create illusions around him;
– second, control must exist in two planes: internal and external. By controlling the completion of the task, a person can tell his colleagues or friends about it, while promising them, if he does not complete it at the appointed time, to pay a fine. An external stimulus allows you not to be distracted by outside activities, but to go in the intended direction;
– third – control of one’s behavior must be carried out systematically and nothing more. If an individual engages in self-control from time to time, this will only a waste time, and the person himself, confident in his efforts aimed at control, will complain about life, fate, and subsequently disappointment in his own life, since nothing worked out for him.
A person starting to learn should make a list of goals, following the appropriate hierarchy. This list should always be in sight: on the desktop, on the refrigerator, on the wall that the individual sees when waking up. You need to control the actions you take every day, noting even the slightest progress towards your goal.
When finding yourself in various situations, whether they are joyful or sad, you should analyze what is happening and monitor your own reaction, what emotional response comes out and at what moments.
Having identified situations that cause a “storm of emotions,” the individual needs to understand and realize whether what happened is worth such experiences. Perhaps imagine the most worst solution situation, which will make it possible to understand which consequences will be more destructive for psychological state individual: the consequences of the situation that happened or inappropriate, emotionally rash behavior.
To release accumulated negative energy Sports activities are good: any type of wrestling or self-defense. What is important is the individual’s internal desire to get rid of negative emotions. This can be done in another way, more loyal to one’s own physical health and to the health of others. For example, if an individual does not like a certain subject so much that the person is ready to get into a fight or simply destroy him, this really needs to be done. But you need to do this mentally! In a situation where a person becomes uncomfortable while communicating with a subject of hatred, one should mentally do whatever one wants with this subject. It is also possible to use paper as a means to help get rid of negative emotions: you can draw a person you hate, and next to it write down the problems that arose thanks to this person. Then the sheet should be burned, and mentally or even verbally put an end to the relationship with the person.
When faced with rudeness and injustice every day, an individual should not become upset and react violently every time. Without the ability to change circumstances, you should simply change your attitude towards them; it is much easier to cope with your own attitude.
The emotional state of an individual is relatively strongly dependent on the state of his finances. You should keep your financial situation, loans, expenses and income under control. The fewer shortcomings and problems there are in the area of finances, the fewer reasons there will be to be distracted, pay attention and waste your energy.
Creating maximum comfort in the home, tranquility in all matters and relationships, the ability to influence what is happening at any moment is the most the right way to the ability to control one’s own emotional experiences.
How to learn to control yourself with alcohol
Self-control is a quality that consists not only in the ability to regulate emotions and feelings, but also one’s habits, hobbies and actions. There are often many difficulties in controlling alcohol consumption. Alcohol is a certain kind of toxin, the use of which is relatively difficult to give up, but many do not have such a desire. There is only a desire to learn to control the limits of what is permitted. Many drinks containing alcohol, when entering the body, do not show their effects immediately, but later. certain time. It is for this reason that individuals who generally drink in small quantities turn out to be the most drunk of the whole large group.
There are several ways to learn to control yourself when drinking alcohol and not get angry about the consequences.
The first thing an individual needs to do is to realize that drinking alcohol weakens a person’s will and ability to control their actions. After all, for many people it all starts with drinking alcohol in big circle friends, in honor of the holiday. But this habitual use can become excessive, regardless of the situation. Over the course of a certain amount of time, an individual is faced with the circumstance that his life has qualitatively changed and has fallen to a completely undesirable level of existence.
The second step towards regulating alcohol consumption is recognizing the fact that drinking has become uncontrollable. The individual must admit that this has become his weakness. As soon as he admits that he is weak, a moment comes that can move the person further along the path of solving the problem.
Drinking alcohol alone should be avoided. “If it’s just beer,” many will notice. Drinking beer becomes the source of the development of alcoholism, and leads to a form that is very difficult to cure. You should also avoid companies where people often drink, especially without reason. It is important to learn your norm and always try to control it.
If an individual knows that free time can easily go and knock over a bottle of alcohol, rules for free time should be established. Instead of noisy company with alcohol and partying until the morning, it is better to go to the cinema, theater, or go for a run. You need to lead the most active lifestyle possible, find a hobby that will bring you the same pleasure as alcohol. But if you have to go to a holiday that involves drinking, you should clearly determine the amount of alcohol that will be drunk. It will be even better if your friend knows about this and can also control it.
You should learn to set goals for yourself healthy image life, enjoying it without consuming any toxins.
How to learn to control your appetite
A large number of girls ruin their health with various diets and fasting in order to lose weight, which is considered unnecessary, to get in shape so that men will like them. After some time of inactivity, girls gain weight again, this leads to irritability, anger, and sometimes depression. Specialists dealing with issues proper nutrition, claim that more in an efficient way put away overweight, is only regulation of one’s own appetite. That is, you should learn to recognize the desires of the body itself, how to satisfy them, while controlling your appetite. Scientists highlight various types hunger, accordingly it requires in various ways control.
Thus, there is visual hunger when, passing by a display case with buns, a person notices a croissant or pie, which causes an immediate thirst to eat it. The sight of food provokes the release of a certain set of hormones into the blood, which provoke a feeling of hunger.
How to control visual hunger:
– a person should first of all switch to a completely different object. Figuratively speaking, eat with the eyes of a handsome guy passing by or an apple depicted on a poster;
– before eating food, you should examine it carefully to see how appetizing everything looks;
– even if the meal takes place alone, the table setting should be perfect, right down to the color of the tablecloth and the correct placement of food on the plate.
Physiological hunger is a loss of strength, rumbling in the stomach, headache. These are signs that the body requires replenishing energy reserves.
How to control your appetite:
– eat food slowly, paying attention to the signals given by the body;
– stop mid-meal to assess your strength;
– don’t confuse hunger with anxiety.
Taste hunger may be due to the desire to feel a special taste, something specific or original.
To control taste hunger you need:
– use the same product in different dishes (for example, steam fish, bake it in the oven, or make fish balls;
– try to diversify the food you eat as much as possible, even if it involves something extraordinary.
You should also learn to ask yourself questions: “is this worth it?”, “am I sure that I really want this?” Until you get the true answer to these questions, don’t simply clog your stomach.
Hello!
I’m finishing my studies now, barely, I can’t imagine how I’ll be able to defend my diploma in this state.
Until the age of 17-18 I was sociable, a cheerful person. Then there were some unpleasant moments, but nothing too terrible.
And now I feel like I'm in a dream. I often feel like I'm drunk (even though I haven't been drinking). It happens that I speak slurredly or confuse words. For another 2 years I have had tremors in my hands and neck, which manifests itself during... public speaking, at the table, with a close look. Everything is annoying, especially public transport, passers-by who are watching. I’m afraid of ice, cold, crowds of guys, I had an MRI, I barely calmed myself down not to start yelling. Sometimes I want to cry in a crowded place, but I endure it until I get home. I can’t restrain myself in anything, I smoke a pack a day, I can’t talk to unpleasant people. Most people seem very strange to me. But the worst thing is that I have some attacks. I can't be consistent and finish something if I don't want to. Even if it is very important, I will give up everything. I’ve already dropped out of school twice and have barely recovered. In communication, I also say everything face to face. Because of the tremor, sometimes I try to remain silent, without defending myself. I just can't bring myself to do what I need to do!
It’s very upsetting that these are seemingly basic, everyday things, and I can’t even control it. It’s a shame that before this period I was ahead of my peers, I worked, communicated, went to conferences, had hobbies. I don't understand how this could happen to me. Please help me identify the reasons why I feel exhausted.
I found only one reason. I don't know if it's true. I tried several times to do what I loved, which was stopped by my parents. At school I hated mathematics and did not take it, for which, of course, I received punishment from the teachers; I had difficulty finishing it because of algebra. I hate my university even more. I’m trying to reassure myself that I need to work for 3 months, get a diploma and that’s it. I entered only to get away from my parents; my relationship with my father was terrible. I’m ashamed to admit, but I don’t find love for my family in myself, I don’t like sitting with my sisters, I wouldn’t even come. I just feel sorry for my mother, she helped me a lot and will help me with work and housing, but for some reason even she annoys me sometimes. Don’t think that I’m a despot, I communicate with people, but due to my problems it’s no longer like that. But I'm still interested in new people. I'm 22 years old and I feel like I'm missing out on life. There are normal days, when I come to my senses and live normally, I try to remember it and hold on to it... but this doesn’t last long.
If you often catch yourself thinking that in a given situation you, to put it mildly, “got overboard”, or have been repeatedly told about excessive display of emotions unpleasant people that surround you, then it’s time to talk about how to learn to control yourself.
Inability to hold your own emotional background under control, is fraught with a number of problems, such as the inability to take rational decisions V stressful situations, inability to achieve goals due to lack of self-control, as well as health problems (experts have already been able to find a connection between negative emotions and many diseases). To make room for harmony and understanding in your life, it’s time to think about how to learn not to give in to your own emotional impulses and control yourself.
To begin with, following the advice of experts on how to learn the intricacies of self-control, you need to find the source of the very negativity that prevents you from living normally and enjoying every day. A good way to master the intricacies of how to learn to control your emotional outbursts is to keep a special notebook or diary, on the pages of which you will list the entire spectrum negative feelings(for example, anger, irritation, apathy, emptiness, fear, etc.). Each such emotion should be accompanied by a description of the situation that led to changes in your mood.
For greater convenience, the diary should be divided into two columns: in one we write down the manifestation of this or that negative emotion, while the second column is devoted to its description. Thanks to such a simple table, you can learn which feelings need to be controlled first of all. To improve the results of learning how to control yourself, it is recommended to divide the diary pages into three columns (in the third column you write down an alternative way out of the current situation that would allow you to refrain from negative thoughts).
If you think that similar analysis will not teach you at all how to find a way out of the current situation, then do not rush to conclusions. Keep a diary for a certain time, re-read what was written earlier, and you will be able to understand how to learn to control yourself. In addition, you will become a good role model; the ability to skillfully keep your emotions under control is not given to everyone.
Smile at the world and the world will smile at you
It is necessary to understand that it is not always possible to correct the situation with self-control by keeping a diary. In order to control your own thoughts and feelings you can “one or two”, you will have to follow a number of expert tips:
Enjoy what you love and leave the negativity behind
When it becomes obvious that you will not be able to keep your emotions in check, then in such a case it is worth coming up with ways to discharge the negativity. Unfortunately, there is no definite advice here, since each person has his own individual character: for some, a trip to the store will be enough, but for others, it will help active occupation sports or playing your favorite song.
Be that as it may, but favorite activity should help you calm down, after which you can take time to analyze what exactly provoked such a surge of negativity in you.
Putting things in order in our emotional sphere
It would be useful to say that if you are interested in learning how to control yourself, then you should understand that this process does not at all mean restraining and suppressing your own feelings. Experts say that preventive measures can be considered optimal control.
The basis of emotional and psychological hygiene (yes, there is such a thing) comes down to control over yourself and your environment. This can be understood as the fact that all events in your life will occur in accordance with your wishes, whereas if unforeseen situation, it will not be difficult for you to directly influence it. Of course, this will not be easy to learn, but following rules will help you cope with a similar task:
- First of all, try to get rid of all debts (financial and not only). Perhaps you have long been required to do some specific task, but you never took up the task of doing it. Do you have “tails” in terms of finances? Determine for yourself a certain time period, after which you will be able to pay off all your “creditors”. Believe me, learning to control your own thoughts and emotions will not be very easy if you are always thinking about what needs to be done;
- Rate your workplace or home/apartment. Perhaps it’s worth redoing something, bringing comfort and coziness. As a rule, even the most minor changes in your usual environment can have the most in a positive way affect a good mood;
- Try to avoid situations that trigger your emotional exhaustion. In other words, when you don't like being around someone specific people, then minimize communication with them, do not agree to do things that cause you acute rejection, and if your work is a constant source of stress, then maybe it’s time to change your field of activity? Are you afraid that you won't be able to find another job? In this case, try to imagine yourself, say, ten years from now. What can you become by doing least favorite thing? What is the state of your nerves and relationships with loved ones? That's the same;
- It’s a good idea to train yourself to dedicate at least thirty minutes a day to sports exercises. The point is that as a result physical activity the body produces pleasure hormones, which will become an excellent defense against negative impact irritating factors and an indispensable ally in learning to control emotions;
- It's never too late to reconsider own life and make adjustments to it (don’t listen to those who say that this is not the best idea). Decide on your main goals in life. Once the awareness of these very plans comes, you will certainly be able to achieve success (of course, provided that you not only understand them, but also make attempts to implement them).
It is important to understand that just the desire to learn to control your own emotions is not enough - you will need to do daily work on yourself. However, the matter will go wherever faster when you can understand that the ability to be in charge of your feelings is the key, as in family matters, and in the professional field.
