Self-aggrandizement serves to maintain and increase self-esteem.
If a person rates himself very highly, this does not necessarily mean that he overestimates himself. Perhaps the person really has some outstanding qualities and other people value him very highly. Or he has a very positive picture of the world and values highly not only and not so much himself, but all people.
Overestimating yourself is a very common phenomenon. Objective reasons This lies in the fact that it is easier for a person to objectively see and evaluate other people than themselves. Therefore, people evaluate others, as a rule, honestly and impartially, while they evaluate themselves according to some kind of gentle scheme. But it is not always possible to understand whether this is done for the reason that a person wants to look better in the eyes of others, or whether he is really mistaken in his real self-esteem.
Self-enhancement can thus be interpreted as an inaccurate self-perception. People who were previously not at their best and those who are focused on high results are especially prone to this. Those who overestimate themselves are more involved in the task and are more proud and vain than other group members who underestimate themselves. For proud people, it is extremely important to solve a problem and achieve their goals. They tend to attribute all successes to their own merits (and defeats to external factors). Their mood after successfully solving a problem will be higher than that of those who underestimate themselves.
At the same time, people with excessively high self-esteem consider putting effort into completing tasks as not so important. And they give up seemingly unattainable goals, following the principle of the famous character in the fable “The Fox and the Grapes”: the fox called the delicious grapes hanging too high green and sour, thereby saving themselves from the need to survive defeat in the pursuit of a tasty morsel.
In general, people who overestimate themselves are prone to gain in the short term in the form of satisfied vanity, and in the long term to disappointment (as a result of failures due to an unrealistic assessment of their capabilities), a relative decrease in self-esteem and a decrease in passion for achieving goals.
V. Kwan et al. noted in their work that self-esteem is based on the assessment style and real abilities(qualities) of a person. That is, the accuracy of self-perception and the objectivity of social comparison are important (how a person perceives himself and how others see him).
Self-revaluation can therefore be considered all aspects of self-esteem that go beyond the limits of real social comparison and objective qualities of a person. That is, overestimation of oneself can include both self-esteem that is more positive than the assessment of a person by other people, and self-esteem that is higher than the assessment that a person gives to other people (“I am better than others, and better than others think I am”) .
Overestimation of oneself in the above definition will not depend on the quality social connections(that is, a person who overestimates himself will not be among the best or worst relationship with different people than other group members), but will depend negatively on the person's ability to decide specific tasks: A person with high self-esteem will perform worse on a task than other group members.
Ambitious and success-oriented people will initially infect other group members with their example, since they initially appear competent and trustworthy in their eyes. Over time it turns out that these positive qualities overpriced. The true face of a person, the negative qualities described above, come out.
In the long term, such people tend to be overwhelming and annoying to others. This is also facilitated by the fact that people prone to self-enhancement are distinguished by overestimating their results and underestimating the results of other group members. Therefore, self-praise often goes hand in hand with possible conflicts in the group. After all, the group partner will be underestimated and will not be given what he deserves. In general, the team climate suffers from this behavior of individual team members (especially leaders), and the motivation of the group will decrease.
Increasing self-esteem can often be promoted by self-aggrandizement by underestimating other people or sticking negative labels on them. However, this method of achieving self-affirmation (“I AM BETTER THAN OTHERS”) is still less common than simply overestimating one’s abilities and qualities.
HIGH SELF-ESTEEM AS A FACADE AND DEPENDENCE ON EXTERNAL SOURCES
As a rule, inflated self-esteem plays a protective role, since sometimes terrible uncertainty hides behind the façade of self-confidence. Thus, one can distinguish between true (basic) self-esteem and superficial (earned) self-esteem. IN the latter case a person is convinced that he must, through his own efforts, obtain the components of his positive self-esteem. In other words, a person is not guided by internal fundamentals self-worth, but on its external sources (for example, status, work, family situation, money, car). This, as we have already discussed above, is fraught with considerable dangers. After all, dependence on any external source of self-worth means the threat that when this source “dries up”, a significant fragment of self-worth will simply disappear. The result is severe depressive reactions.
Thus, many people are extremely dependent on others due to different internal attitudes and needs. For example, some want to be liked by others, need a feeling of love and support from another (the threat of disapproval, termination of the relationship can mean a complete collapse of the sense of self-worth). Other people may not be interested in such “sentiments” as love, since they focus on themselves in achieving their goals, are independent of the control of others, but use others as a means to achieve their goals. However, such people still often depend on recognition and admiration from others (and the slightest criticism can seem disastrous to them).
That is, both individualism and other-orientation can be sources of crises of self-worth and resulting depression. But if individualists are more often susceptible to such crises at a young age, then others-oriented people are more likely to experience such crises at any age. In general, individualism is more positive factor, playing a shock-absorbing role during various stresses and interpersonal conflicts.
PATHOLOGICAL NARCISSISM
Pathological NARCISSISM manifests itself, in particular, in an extreme overestimation of one’s qualities. Such people are characterized by fantasies of grandeur, on the one hand, and repressed feelings of inferiority, on the other hand. They are characterized by a belief in their own uniqueness, a need for admiration from others, and a lack of ability to feel and understand others.
Narcissists rate themselves as “better than others” in their personal qualities and abilities, such as intelligence, openness to experience, outward orientation, but not in those qualities that reflect emotions and relationship orientation (conscientiousness, reliance on moral principles, tolerance). Therefore, narcissists are characterized by high extroversion, low tolerance, extreme high self-esteem and underestimating or negatively evaluating others. In addition, the narcissist is characterized by problematic behavior patterns, experiences and emotional reactions. That is, narcissism can be considered as a pathological type of overestimation of oneself.
More specifically, manifestations of pathological narcissism can be seen in the following:
- Overestimation of one’s own attractiveness and intelligence, one’s contributions to the affairs of the group.
- Selfishness, malice, low ability for empathy (feeling for others).
- The need to be admired. Their contribution to the solution of the problem will fluctuate sharply depending on external recognition of their merits and qualities. Overall, in social relations(including in family relationships) narcissists prefer to be admired rather than loved.
- In interpersonal relationships, narcissists will use other people; there will be no talk of fidelity. Their behavior will be selfish, manipulative, domineering.Narcissists react with great rage and aggressiveness to situations in which they feel rejected by others, and they also respond with equal passion to feelings of hurt pride when they feel their self-worth is threatened.
Read more about NARCISSISM in the section specially dedicated to it.
THREE OPTIONS FOR AN INCREASED SENSE OF SELF-WORTH
(by Astrid Schutz)
UNSTABLE SELF-WORTH may be high, but it strongly depends on external sources, and therefore experiences strong fluctuations depending on the state of these sources. Such sources may include, for example, recognition by others or success. TO negative influences This could include, for example, criticism, a breakup, or experiencing failure. When their self-worth is threatened, such people may become angry and react aggressively.
EGOCENTRIC SELF-VALUES differs in that people evaluate themselves very positively, without noticing or ignoring their weaknesses. They present themselves as socially independent and guided by their own standards. Recognition from others, they claim, is not important to them, just as criticism is not important. In interaction with others, such people try at all costs to advance their interests and achieve their goals. They may be overly critical of others. Such a person tends to justify or reinterpret his problematic behavior.
STABLE SELF-WORTH characterizes people with stable self-acceptance. One’s own weaknesses are perceived adequately and do not lead to doubts about one’s worth. Such people do not focus exclusively on such transitory personal qualities as athleticism, attractiveness, and performance. They are also not very dependent on success and recognition from others.
Regarding external influences and the opinions of others, such people are neither overly dependent nor do they indiscriminately deny the significance of these external factors. They take both praise and criticism to heart. They take their successes and failures seriously, perceiving them as signals feedback, and without reacting to them as something destructive or pride-enhancing. In relationships with others, they are ready to compromise. They confidently accept responsibility and admit their guilt if their action had negative consequences.
Oh yes, I have the best one best doctor in the country... Oh, yes, I can earn a million in one day... Oh, yes, he does my haircut himself... Oh, I bought such a computer in America, but almost for free, for pennies, not so much here...Have you ever heard this from braggart friends? Soon you get used to their strong exaggeration and divide everything by 2, or even by 10, to get correct value from their words. Boasting, strong exaggeration - those are the traits that push us away from a person and even put us on guard: well, why lie like that? Why exaggerate the significance so shamelessly? And what is worst in this situation, what infuriates me most: if a person exaggerates, then in everything, even in completely unimportant things. It turns out that you can’t believe a single word he says. Lies sit on lies and push lies with lies. Well, where does such boastfulness come from in a person?
What is the psychology behind simple boasting? Why do some people exaggerate everything in the world, and, simply put, lie?
What causes the tendency to exaggerate and why do only some people do it?
How to behave with a person (girlfriend, man, child, boyfriend) who brags? Accept all exaggerations silently or mercilessly fight his lies?
Surprising as it may be, the tendency to exaggerate or minimize everything, to boast, is far from being a whim of a person, but an unconscious action that he performs, often without even realizing it. A habit that has quietly entered into life and is deeply rooted in it. And by the way, often this action brings more suffering to the exaggerator himself than to others. He just doesn’t show it or brushes it off himself, not bothering himself with reasoning on this matter. But in vain, because the origin of this phenomenon has very interesting psychological roots.
If you like to exaggerate, you also love to clear away the rubble of lies behind you.
When a person exaggerates too much, his family and friends, those who love him, and his friends get used to it and make “small” corrections to his words. We tend to forgive the small sins of others if we are unable to change them. Surely you know many such examples from life. The guy patiently waits for the girl on a date, despite the fact that she is indecently two hours late, the wife forgives her husband for promising to go on vacation to the Maldives this year, although they still end up in the same Berdyansk. The man promises his companions that they will reach their destination the drive is only 20 minutes, underestimating the distance by 3 hours.
But for strangers, exaggeration can be a complete surprise. We are designed in such a way that we trust our interlocutor, especially when we're talking about about things where there is no need to lie. This is how they arise various kinds troubles, troubles, gossip that have nothing to do with reality or greatly exaggerate it. Untruth and lies go hand in hand with such a person and it seems that nothing can be done about it.
Girlfriend bragsat the party:
- Listen, I was in Italy. Can you imagine, I bought a miraculous anti-wrinkle cream - you won’t believe it, almost free, for only 200 rubles with our money.
- What are you talking about! Are you exaggerating? It can’t be! So next time you're going in a month, I think? Buy me 2 of these, no, 3 things - I want to give them to my mother and sister. Here's your money right away. Wow, it’s so cheap, but here it costs 1000.
It would seem like an ordinary conversation between two girls, but there is a problem. The “Italian” lied and significantly reduced the cost of the cream to show how bargain purchase she managed to do it. In fact, the cream costs much more, and now the girl is faced with a problem out of the blue: either she has to pay extra money for someone else’s cream, or she has to admit to lying, and how can you explain this. You'll have to lie again, for example, that in Italy suddenly, for no reason at all, this brand of cream was taken out of sale or some other nonsense...
Empty promises, exaggerated expectations - all this leads to conflicts and misunderstandings. Exaggerated promises entail increased demands that are simply impossible to fulfill. In the end, such a braggart loses the trust of others, which can turn into a disaster, as in the fairy tale about the boy who shouted in vain "Wolves! Wolves!"
The root of exaggeration in the skin vector against the background of the urethral mentality
A huge negative factor shaping the personality of a modern skin worker is also our special urethral mentality. It is the person with the urethral vector who is prone to boasting. Russians are braggarts on a “mental” level.
Skin exaggeration, unlike urethral exaggeration, is always tied to exaggeration of personal success, when a person wants to emphasize that he has greater benefits than he actually has. With his exaggerated words he often arouses envy, negative attitude other leather workers, which is even more unpleasant, because this envy is completely groundless.
We tend to spend our last penny on a luxury taxi just to show off a supposedly luxurious life. For what? To show off and make others jealous. Do we really have anything to envy? Certainly not wastefulness and ostentatious exaggeration.
Western society is formed completely differently - it is built on a skin mentality. They value precision, the ability to limit themselves and maintain discipline, and to live according to generally accepted laws. People in the West are not used to making each other jealous. There is no place for exaggeration in everyday life on such a scale as is often found here, where every 2nd person in the city likes to brag.
What to do with a braggart? And how can you stop exaggerating?
A person who constantly exaggerates often simply does not realize that he is doing something reprehensible. It seems to him that everything is normal in this and there is nothing terrible. People with the skin vector have a very superficial memory and very flexibly bypass any interference, such as shame, for example. And if a person also has other vectors, for example, visual, which loves to show off in front of the public, or oral, which will do everything to be listened to attentively, then exaggeration comes into use, takes root there, and it is no longer possible to get rid of it. This will be confirmed by anyone who has ever exaggerated - having tried it once, you already want to embellish it every time, paint on unnecessary things, and brag even in the smallest things.
So what to do? Maybe give up on all this exaggeration and live like this, calmly boasting (or listening to the constant strong exaggeration of another) and not knowing grief? Unfortunately, it won't work that way.
Such states are negative manifestations of our psyche and always lead to many problems. And the point is not even that lying greatly harms our reputation. No, the complexity here is much deeper. Striving for exaggeration, we trust the exaggeration of others and often get caught in the lies of others who brag for a reason, but with a real desire - to cheat a sucker, to make extra money on a good-for-nothing person. Our own exaggeration, our faith (precisely thanks to the archetypal skin against the background of the urethral mentality) blinds the eyes of skinned people and makes them the biggest spenders, those about whom the saying goes “a fool pays twice.” And this ultimately leads to disappointment, a painful feeling of being a real idiot.
For a person with the skin vector, in order to enjoy life, it is important to count very well. Everything: money, time, distance. Save for real, and not increase your benefits in the eyes of others. Only in this case does he receive happiness and joy from life.
How to do this? How to learn not to exaggerate yourself, or teach loved one stop doing this? Just not with reproaches and scandals, self-flagellation and tears. There is only one healthy path: and it lies through awareness of the reasons for one’s own behavior. Today, this opportunity is provided to everyone at an online training on system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan. Sign up for free introductory lectures, where the skin vector is discussed in detail, you can follow this link or click on the banner:
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3. Is a million a miracle?
Most people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in ten years. Jim Rohn, "The Power of Ambition"
If you were faced with a choice, what would you prefer: 50,000 marks in six months or 1,000,000 marks in seven years? Would you prefer 50,000 marks in cash or a “suitcase full of possibilities”? To earn money in short term some more money You'll probably have to work a little harder. But in order to have a million marks in seven years' time, it is not enough just to "work a little more."
Five levels at which change occurs
There are five levels at which change occurs. I would like to talk about them in this book. Truly far-reaching change is only possible if something happens at each of the five levels.
1st level. You are overcome by a feeling of dissatisfaction with your situation; in order to change the situation, you need to act. Example: Mail is piling up on your desk and you decide to clear it out until you can see what color the desk top is again.
2nd level. You are not achieving the results you want. You understand that actions alone are not enough. Actions must be clearly focused on solving the problem. You ask yourself: how can I achieve the desired result with the least amount of effort? Example: You work very hard, but at the end of the month it turns out that your earnings do not correspond to the work you have done. New technologies and strategies will provide the solution. Many people, by the way, expect exactly this from specialized literature: a formula that is guaranteed to achieve results. In the following chapters you will find many specific technologies, strategies and tips. Long-term, decisive changes occur, however, at higher levels.
3rd level. Technology has helped you to some extent, but when you compare your achievements with the achievements of others, more lucky people, then you "may feel that they achieve their goals with less effort because they have influential friends with the help of whom many doors open. Example: You are faced with an unexpected problem. Usually you devote all your energy and all your time to your business, but now you need, first of all, to solve the problem that has arisen in front of you. Everything is going wrong.
The decision is not easy: it is about the development and growth of your personality. It doesn't look like things will move quickly, especially since you won't be able to acquire influential contacts with the help of technology. It takes time to become the person you would like to become. One way to solve this problem: perhaps there are people who serve as examples for you, whom you admire. You too can become admirable and serve as a model for someone if you organize your life accordingly.
4th level. Communicating with other people and leading internal dialogue with yourself, you rethink your worldview. The glasses through which many view life transform our beautiful world into the jungle, where everyone fights with everyone.
Example: there are people who don't trust anyone. They were disappointed several times and have been on guard ever since. They look at everything and everyone with skepticism and only look for shortcomings. For the most part they create obstacles for themselves because those around them prefer to stay away from them.
There can be only one recipe here: new glasses, new glasses through which the world looks different. Reality is diverse, but for us, reality is the way we perceive it. If we look through new glasses, then the world seems different to us.
Famous teacher management Stefan Covey described the following event: one day he was traveling on a train to an event where he was supposed to give a talk. He wanted to use the Travel Time to prepare for his performance.
At this time, a man with three children entered the carriage. The children immediately became noisy, they screamed and squealed, jumped on the seats and disturbed other passengers. The man who was apparently the father of the three children did nothing to calm them down. He just stared blankly out the window. The children became more and more intolerable. They stomped on the seats and even pulled some passengers' clothes. Finally they grabbed one lady's hair. However, the father still did not react to their behavior. Stefan Covey's patience ran out. Barely able to control himself, he decided to intervene. He stood up energetically and turned to the head of the family: “Excuse me, but don’t you see that your children are disturbing everyone? Won’t you call them to order?!”
Proud of his self-control and the strength of his demand, he sat down again. The father turned away from his thoughts, slowly turned to Covey and quietly replied: “Yes, yes, I am very sorry that my children behave this way, and that I did not pay attention to it at all.
My wife, the mother of these children, died a few hours ago. I don't know how to live with this yet. My children and I have not yet fully realized all this. I think they are reacting in their own way... Please excuse me."
Surely there are glasses that will make us and those around us happier. We shouldn't look at everything through black and white lenses. There are glasses that show possibilities, not mistakes and troubles.
There are glasses through which you see money as a force that creates weapons, provokes wars, makes people greedy and lonely. We must realize that it is only a matter of point of view. You might as well look at money completely differently. We can put on glasses that will show how, with the help of money, hospitals are built, relief is provided to the hungry, and the prerequisites are created for extending human life. With their help, better living conditions can be created, and with their help, a lot of good can be done. What glasses do you think will make you richer and happier?
Level 5. We achieve the greatest changes by changing our own personality and view of ourselves. Example: Heinz Hartig (Hartig - hard-working (German) works as a salesman. He works very hard and has all the necessary skills. He is a person, and people are drawn to him. He views customers as friends and does not stick to, therefore, the rules are “just to snatch.” He advises clients and enjoys their trust. This is, of course, good, but there is nothing out of the ordinary in this. It is very important how Heinz Hartig sees himself as a seller. then he must please the clients, but if he sees himself as a specialist, then the clients themselves are interested in him.
Many of Hartig's decisions and actions would change depending on whether he considers himself a salesman or a specialist. Looking at yourself is a kind of prophecy that always comes true.
I once had a companion who willingly saw himself in the role of a victim. He was sure that no one else was deceived or cheated as often as he was. Plus he wore "Everyone Is Bad" glasses.
In fact, he was deceived three times by one company, and he could not prove anything and lost a lot of money. This strengthened him in the belief that he was a magical magnet for deceivers. He thought that he was too good for this world. Unfortunately, he could not break with this company due to contractual obligations. And he did not want to - after all, his role as a victim was so well confirmed here.
He quickly infected me with his negative attitude: "Mr. Schaefer, we are not careful enough." I soon found myself developing a “defense plan” with him.
It wasn't very smart to have a "Defense Plan" as the first step in a new venture. First of all, we didn't have anything worth defending yet. Secondly, this does not correspond to my idea of myself: I want to see in every breakdown and positive aspects. I firmly believe that everything also has a positive side.
So, I slammed my hand on the table and said: “That’s enough. I don’t even want to think about this. Let’s better find out if anything good can come out of being deceived three times.” My partner blushed and almost choked with indignation: “Good? You're crazy!” In a word, we began to look for what good could be in his failures - and we found it. The bosses of the company, tormented by a bad conscience, turned out to be ready to meet us halfway in our further cooperation unusually far. We were able to earn a lot of money in the course of one single conversation.
The miracle happens on five levels
If you want to quickly and easily earn your million using a few standard techniques, then I must disappoint you. This book is not ready dish, which you just have to warm up, that is, read it - and you are already rich. The reason this will not happen is that profound change can and must occur at all five levels. However, if you take into account all five levels, then miracles are possible!
One day St. Peter came to Jesus and said: “Master, we have a problem. Tomorrow we have to pay the tax, but we have no money.” Jesus replied, “No problem.” St. Peter objected: “Teacher, you don’t understand. I said that tomorrow we have to pay taxes, but we don’t have money. This is a problem.” But Jesus answered again, “No problem.”
You need to surround yourself with people who will do what is necessary to solve the problem. They get up as early and go to bed as late as necessary. They read as many specialized articles and books as necessary. They interview as many people as necessary, and they do it for as long as necessary to resolve the issue. These are people for whom the word “problem” does not cause despair. And they don't complain: "Why did this have to happen to me?"
Jesus solved the problem very simply. He told St. Peter to go fishing. Since Peter was a fisherman, this was the right idea. The first fish that Peter caught had a coin in its mouth, which was enough to pay the tax. The lesson is quite simple.
Level 1: A miracle happens if we do something about it.
Level 2: if you go fishing, you need to have the necessary skills.
Level 3: You must be a person that people are drawn to because you are known to be strong and competent. Peter came to Jesus because “something must come to his mind.”
Level 4: Filing (tax) is not a problem. The state does not exist to rob you.
Level 5: Your self-determination: a “No problem” type of person. The world is full of people who have accomplished miracles. Miracles are for us events in space and time that contradict our own experience. What you cannot imagine today based on your experience is for. You are a miracle. A certain amount of wealth and a certain income seem like a miracle to many. Many people can imagine doubling their monthly income; on the contrary, doubling it would be a miracle for them.
There was a time when it seemed like a miracle to me to earn 20,000 marks a month. The amount of 50,000 marks was simply unimaginable to me. Two and a half years later, I earned more than 100,000 marks in a month for the first time. Looking back, I don't consider it a miracle at all, because I know how I achieved it and how hard I worked to make this miracle happen.
Miracles happen if there are changes at the third, fourth and fifth levels. And we can prepare these changes. Sitting and waiting for a miracle is as stupid as an athlete sitting at home in front of the TV, watching Olympic Games and hope to get them gold medal. A miracle does not come on its own - we must perform it. The four disciplines that do the magic are what I call continuous learning and growing.
Constantly learning and growing has become a way of life for me. If we no longer grow spiritually, we die. Growth is life. To constantly learn and grow is to feel truly alive. It means being the best you can be.
Books
You've probably already noticed that every rich house has a library? Do you think these rich people keep a library only because they could buy it? Or are they so rich because they read a lot?
A wise man once said: “A man is the sum of all the books he has read.” Why is reading so important? On the one hand, because words express an idea. Every new word we learn means a new idea. And ideas are priceless. And our income often develops in proportion to our vocabulary.
We have a great advantage: today books have become an integral part of life. It wasn't always like this. If you were a student in the last century, you would not have any books. I think great achievement that in a few hours we can find in books the quintessence of many years of experience and research. We must no longer repeat old mistakes. All knowledge is already written down somewhere. Of course we must find them. We must meet information halfway, seek it. We have freedom of opinion and freedom of the press, and printing press also already invented.
How are you using this chance? Do you read books on all five areas of your life? Two books in a week adds up to more than 100 books a year. In seven years, that will be 700 books. Do you believe that 700 books will change you?
You may ask, "How can I deal with this? I don't have much time!" The first book you should read is a book about fast reading, because time is precious. If you practice for just three hours, your reading speed will constantly increase. You can then easily read 1,000 words per minute, which means you can read a 300-page book in less than two hours.
Another tip for saving more time: when you meet an interesting person, use your time wisely instead of wasting it in empty conversations. Ask about two or three best books books that this person has read. Take the next step and ask why he finds these books good.
This way you get free advice from a competent reader. In a few minutes you will find out whether you want to read these books yourself. Thus, I came across some treasures of thought in books.
Your personal success journal
A journal is an empty book. A book that you write yourself. And only for myself alone. Every person should write their own success journal every day. Include in it everything that you did well during the day: every praise and every compliment that you received if you were disciplined, if you performed a task perfectly, if you made someone happy.
Unfortunately, we cannot always trust our brain. We remember mistakes and failures ten times more clearly and longer than achievements. Because of this, we always think of ourselves worse than we really are. Our environment and our upbringing also support this negative trend. Thus, we, like a small child, receive seventeen “no” for every “yes”. At least 80 percent of all media messages mass media are negative. Therefore, it is important to be able to resist all this and maintain at least an undistorted idea of yourself.
After many great people, we are left with diary entries. Interestingly, most of them started keeping a diary very early, long before they did anything really significant, and before they became famous. “They could not have known then that one day they would become famous. Or maybe it was these daily entries that contributed to their future success? In any case, the entries preserved their positive thoughts for us.
So, take yourself seriously enough to write about yourself. Before I start my work day, I systematically write in my success journal and thereby strengthen my self-confidence and self-esteem. (In Chapter 7, you will learn why your income is directly related to your self-awareness.) Over the years, in addition to my success journal, I have added an ideas journal (all the ideas that come to my mind), a relationship journal (everything that makes me happy), and a knowledge journal ( everything that I learned from my own mistakes so that this experience would not be in vain), and some others...
Self-confidence is not something accidental. We can never be confident enough in ourselves. Whether we stop on our path to success or continue moving forward always depends on whether we have enough self-confidence to decide on the next step.
Time and time again we see: people who are not self-confident enough try to protect themselves by “avoiding all risk.” But whoever risks nothing does nothing, owns nothing, and is nothing.
The difference lies precisely in the absence or presence of self-confidence. And nothing builds that confidence more effectively than a success journal. Please reflect right now on what you did well today or yesterday. What did you cope with? Who did you manage to promote? Who gave you a compliment?
If nothing comes to mind right now, it means you lack a sense of self-worth. The less you can write now, the more important it is for you to keep a success journal.
But even if you are now bursting with sensation self-importance, life always has the next task ready for you, which will make you grow further. Whether you risk taking on this new task will be determined by your assessment of your own personality.
To check how true this is, ask yourself: “What goal would I strive for if I knew for sure that I would not fail (to become Federal Chancellor, writer, Formula 1 champion, savior of wet tropical forests, a large landowner in Canada, a partner of a certain person, etc.)"?
We often believe that we do not take the next decisive step out of love for peace or because of a certain “satisfaction with life.” In fact, these are just excuses. The reason is that we don't believe in success.
Key Tips
Keep a daily personal journal of success and thereby strengthen your self-confidence.
● Our self-confidence determines whether we take risks.
● By avoiding risk, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to grow.
● Our thinking, our upbringing and our environment in general are not conducive to strengthening our sense of self-worth. It grows from self-confidence. A success journal will help you realize how good you are.
● By keeping a success journal, you learn to pay attention, first of all, to your strengths.
● After a while, you will get used to noting “hot on the heels”: I did it well, I can write it down in a journal.
● Our expectations determine what we get from life. Our sense of self-worth determines how high our expectations are.
Seminars
Seminars have certain advantages over reading books: we hear, see, feel and experience at the same time. The more our senses are involved, the easier it is for us to learn. In addition, we can chat with the speaker. Even at large seminars, I was often able to meet the presenter personally and establish contact with him. Seminars also provide a good opportunity to completely disconnect from everyday life and look at yourself from the outside. This teaches us to think outside the box, to imagine old situations from unusual, new angles. Sometimes this helps us rely more on our intuition.
The advantage of an intense learning atmosphere is that we meet other seminar participants with a similar mindset. Valuable connections can develop from these acquaintances.
Good seminars are expensive, and this deters many from attending. Once upon a time, when I still had almost no money, I decided to attend at least four seminars a year. I couldn’t afford to do it more often, but I knew that I couldn’t afford not to improve my skills. After all, the price we pay for raising professional level, is nothing compared to the price one has to pay for ignorance. By the way, even the high cost of the seminars did not deter me. I attended seminars that cost 30,000 marks and each time I earned more than double the cost of the seminar over the next two months.
What seems incredible to us Europeans is considered absolutely necessary in the United States. American firms provide their employees with an average of 40 days off work per year so that they can attend seminars. 40 days when the company's employees do not work - and the company pays for it! And it pays off. In Japan this norm is even higher.
The seminar market in the USA has an annual turnover of over DM 700 billion (twice that of the personal computer market)! We Europeans must be vigilant so as not to be excluded from this process.
Role models
From the first minute of our life we learn mainly by imitation. Our environment influences us much more than we are willing to admit. No book or study influences us as much or shapes us as much as the people around us.
If we associate with people who are better than us, we grow spiritually. If there are people around us who are worse than us, we find ourselves in stagnation. However, we underestimate this influence because we consider our way of thinking to be completely independent. My last consultant put it this way: “He who goes to bed with dogs wakes up with fleas.”
This topic is so difficult to understand, so important and at the same time fraught with such dire consequences that I devoted an entire chapter to it - Chapter 13: “The Consultant and the Network of Specialists.”
It takes courage to perform a miracle
At the beginning of this chapter you read: “Most people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”
To really achieve much, deep personality changes are required on all five levels. This takes a significant amount of time. And the results of these changes, under certain circumstances, do not appear immediately, but if they do, they do so “explosively.”
Bamboo illustrates this point very expressively. The farmer plants the sprout in the ground and fertilizes it with ash. The dormant plant remains in the ground for four years. The farmer waters it every morning. Every morning for four years. At the end fourth year the sprout finally bursts to the surface. Now bamboo will grow 20 meters in 90 days!
All these four years, the farmer was not sure that the sprout was still alive. But he believed, and hope did not leave him. The author of long-term plans needs the same trust in his plans. The art is not to allow yourself to lose courage. Nothing gives us more courage than working on all five levels at the same time.
There is no miracle without risk
To make a fortune within seven years, you must be willing to take risks. What does risk mean to you? “It doesn’t cost you anything to fight a bull if you’re not afraid of it,” a famous bullfighter once said. “And it doesn’t cost you anything to not fight a bull you’re afraid of. But it doesn’t cost you anything to fight a bull you’re afraid of,” This is already something."
And a certain very wealthy person expressed it this way: “Everything that was really worth doing scared me to death at first.” If you do not feel any fear before taking a new step, this is a sure indicator that it is not significant enough for you.
In the first chapter we talked about great achievements. What is great? Perhaps you do something that comes very easily to you, but others are surprised by it. It is possible that the opposite is true: you struggle hard and are forced to overcome fear, while others do not notice anything. Therefore, we should not measure ourselves by someone else's standards, but only by what we ourselves could achieve. Please read the following suggestions and consider your risk tolerance.
● We forget that it is often equally risky to follow both the old and the new path. Old way is not at all safer just because it is familiar to us.
● Life is a game. He who does not take risks does not win.
● There are no certainties in life - only accidents.
● Do everything immediately, because you will never be sufficiently prepared for great success.
●
" The only person"Who never makes mistakes is a man who does nothing" (T. Roosevelt).
● The pain of uncertainty is much stronger than the certainty of pain.
● “Every plan of action has its cost and its risk, but these are much less than the cost and risk of doing nothing comfortably” (John F. Kennedy).
● If you are afraid of losing, you will never win.
● "Take risks; you won't fall off the floor" (Daniel S. Peña).
If we want things to change for us, we must change ourselves. Every change means a risk for us, as we leave our familiar environment in one way or another. However, personal growth is outside our comfort zone. That’s why one of my mentors said: “Leave your comfort zone. Immediately replace every solved problem with a new, more complex one.”
You will find in this book a plan on how to create capital in 20 years, on the interest from which you can live very well. But you can cope with this in seven years. A miracle occurs where change occurs. However, you must be willing to leave your comfort zone and take risks AND you need luck.
Do you really need luck?
You need a lot of luck. But what is luck? Let me first say what luck is not. It is not something so desirable that a person gets it without effort on his part.
Frank Sinatra became a star overnight. One performance in live on television - and the whole country recognized him. Speaking about what incredible luck he had, he noted: “Firstly, I did not sleep that night, and, secondly, I prepared for it for ten years.”
Professional golfer Bernard Langer once hit a ball into a tree, and it got stuck high above in a fork in the branches. The game seemed hopelessly lost. Then Langer climbed a tree, sat on a branch and knocked the ball down. He landed exactly in the center of the field. Langer put the ball in the hole and won the tournament. The journalist then asked him: "Mr. Langer, it was incredible luck, wasn't it?" Langer replied: “Yes, I noticed too: the more I train, the luckier I get.” Sensational success, upon closer examination, often turns out to be nothing more than the result of many years of and not at all sensational preparation.
Where does luck come from?
There are always people who are very lucky in money matters. However, if you look at this luck more closely, through a magnifying glass, so to speak, you will discover painstaking preparation. As a rule, these are people who have learned to save. They have a certain amount of money, and they have learned to take advantage of their chance.
Luck comes to us all in the form of opportunities. Some people don't hear when happiness knocks on their door because they fail to recognize these opportunities. Anyone who has to scramble to pay his bills has his head too busy to notice his chance. Others, although they see this chance, are not able to make a decision and would like to postpone everything until later. However, good opportunities quickly pass by and do not wait for latecomers. You need to act immediately.
Only a few recognize the opportunity, have the necessary capital and act immediately. Luck smiles on them. And very few people themselves go in search of new opportunities - they are truly truly lucky.
So, the components of luck:
● accumulate capital;
● recognize opportunities;
● be able to make decisions quickly and also act quickly.
If someone was truly lucky, then it means that he walked towards his luck and was not afraid of risk. We see roses, but we don't see thorns. We see success, but not the preparation for it. And we don’t see other people’s failures. We will be amazed to learn how carefully the “lucky” ones prepare their luck. We tend to call things we don't understand miracles or luck. However, we have already seen that miracles are “created.” Luck is also the result of many years of preparation.
In the end, it depends on our perception of the world whether we classify a “miracle” in the realm of the supernatural simply because we are unable to explain it, and whether we claim that we are simply unlucky. By doing this, we abdicate responsibility, and our failure becomes a great excuse. If you, however, want to take responsibility for your destiny, you will be able to plan your happiness. And every person has a chance to catch luck by the tail.
The fundamental question is: do we want to take responsibility for everything - including miracles - and for luck? If yes, then you will be surprised to realize what you are capable of. If you shirk responsibility, you will claim that you are “just unlucky” (and who can argue against that?). If you take responsibility, then you plan your own happiness.
Is it easy to perform miracles?
Could you sit down at your desk right now, read for an hour, and write in your success journal for five minutes? Could you attend a seminar once a quarter? Could you surround yourself chosen people? Of course, it's very easy to understand.
And yet it is not easy. After all, even very easy things turn out to be not simple at all if they must be done systematically. Discipline and changing your habits is no longer easy. In fact, it is almost impossible to deal with. How often have we taken on something, but never completed what we started!
How to deal with this? You will find the answer in Chapter 5. You will see that discipline and new habits always begin with new articles of faith. Without them we will not be able to change our habits, but if we develop new articles of faith, then new habits will not be a problem for us. Chances and opportunities do not waste their time on people who are not ready for them. Any preparation begins with internal adjustment. Do you really believe that you alone are responsible for your destiny? The willingness to accept full responsibility is essential to achieving a miracle. He who takes responsibility moves forward at full speed.
Key Ideas
● Most people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.
● Indeed dramatic changes occur at five levels: action, technology, personal development, world view and self-image.
● You can see risk in opportunity, but you can also see opportunity in risk.
● Knowing that you yourself have become a millionaire gives more satisfaction than just owning a million, because the first means: You are a person who can create miracles.
● People who lack a sense of self-worth defend themselves by not taking risks.
● To achieve a miracle, you must be willing to take risks.
● If you are not afraid of taking a new step, this is an indication that the step is too small for you.
● Sensational luck, upon closer examination, often turns out to be nothing more than the result of not at all sensational many years of preparation.
● We are responsible for how lucky we are. We are also responsible for how many miracles happen in our lives.
