If you go to the mirror and look carefully at the reflection, the question “who am I?” arises, then it’s time to figure it out. This will help you improve or even change your life, become happier and look at the world around you differently. How to accept, understand and love yourself? Psychologists have a lot of advice and recommendations on this matter. Let's consider a few basic steps towards yourself.
Important Basics
First of all, you need to understand what it means to “accept yourself.” This does not at all mean a throw from one extreme to another: from a heap of complexes and uncertainty to narcissism and ascension to the rank of saints. Accepting yourself and your life means, first of all, realizing the full value and uniqueness of the body and soul, every moment and place, person and object, as well as understanding your significance in this cycle of the universe. Sounds complicated and unclear? In fact, everything is simple if you break it down point by point.
1. Unique personality
How to accept yourself if there is no conformity generally accepted standards? The thing is that the world is changeable and you shouldn’t change yourself by blindly following trends and fashion trends. Today the trend is athletic and healthy, tomorrow the well-fed and lazy will smile from the covers of magazines, and the day after tomorrow someone else will smile.
If you don’t live your own life and do only what everyone else is doing, then you can easily lose yourself. It is very important to remember that each individual is unique. You should not give up on yourself just because your appearance, behavior or character does not have the qualities that it should have. But they should be, in general, only because someone said so. Looking in the mirror, it is worth remembering that the person reflected is unique, unrepeatable, and for this reason, at least, is interesting.
2. Beauty comes in different forms
Having dealt with uniqueness, you can move on to the next point - appearance. Are these unique body, face, arms and legs beautiful? Of course yes! And nothing else! The color of the eyes, if you look closely, is so deep and bewitching. The hair frames the face so beautifully and emphasizes femininity. The body, although not perfect, also looks very good.
Accept whoever you are and don’t forget that beauty comes in many different forms. Think of some where women knock out their teeth or scar their bodies to be beautiful. To a European this seems strange and ugly, but on the dark continent it is the height of perfection. So what seems disgusting to one may look perfect to another. Beauty is not an absolute concept, it is multifaceted and multifaceted.
Well, if these beliefs don’t work, then go ahead for beauty! Gym, beauty salon, clothing store - anything! The main thing is not to lose yourself in the pursuit of beauty, and when doing a newfangled hairstyle or trying on a trendy dress, do not forget about your inner feelings. What happens if you take off this outfit and wash off the paint? Under the bright and beautiful wrapper, the same beauty remains as without it.
3. Advantages and disadvantages
Having dealt with the outside, you can move on to the inner beauty. How to accept yourself if you have only shortcomings?
Firstly, people without merit simply do not exist. Everyone has something to show off and something to work on.
Secondly, is there really so much bad and so little good? You need to take a sheet of paper, draw it into two halves and divide all your qualities into positive and not so good. This should be done in a calm and quiet environment, so that no one interferes and nothing distracts. Then, for each merit, you can praise yourself or even reward yourself. For example, pamper yourself with cake or aromatic tea.
Now, let's move on to the list of shortcomings. It is necessary to include objective criticism on full power and analyze each point. Is this really a drawback or does it just seem that way? For example, the directness and simplicity of a person in different life situations can be both good and useful quality, and completely inappropriate. This ambiguous character trait cannot be classified as a shortcoming. And so on in the same spirit. Having worked through the entire list in this way, you can make sure that everything is not so bad and that there is no huge “black list”. And if some shortcomings still depress you and haunt you, then you need to highlight them and work on eliminating them.
4. No comparisons
How to accept yourself as imperfect if everyone around you is so good, beautiful and smart? Very simple! You need to stop comparing yourself to others. You need to learn to erase from your consciousness the thoughts that someone has thicker hair, a slimmer waist, and so on. Here we remember points one and three. Each person is unique and inimitable, but not ideal. Comparisons don't make any sense. They only develop insecurity, envy and other feelings and thoughts that are completely useless to anyone.
5. Cross out the unnecessary
Very often a person does not accept himself only because his environment does not allow him to do so. You should not sacrifice your inner sense of comfort and confidence for the sake of someone else. On the contrary, it is worth conducting an audit of your relationships with others. Anyone who is not accepted and respected as an individual should be immediately eliminated from life. Your best friend’s “kind” advice about appearance and love, if analyzed, may not turn out to be so sincere and good. And the statement about the “soul mate” turns out to be just an attempt to restrain or subjugate.
People around us must accept two truths:
- There are no halves, quarters, etc. Each person is whole and self-sufficient.
- Each personality is unique and inimitable, interesting and beautiful, and there is no need to change it. If you are interested, talk, and if not, leave.
In addition, there is amazing people who cry, whine and literally “pull” all the time vital energy from all the others. Such friends and girlfriends, with prolonged communication, can simply plunge them into depression, from which it is then very difficult to get out.
And another category of “unfavorable communication” is those who assert themselves at the expense of others. If a friend gives advice on how to make her eyelashes as long as hers, or how to become as fashionable as she is, then most likely this is not a sincere desire to help, but an attempt to emphasize her peculiarity by belittling the merits of others . Such people are also not suitable for long-term and close communication, otherwise you can develop a lot of complexes and insecurities.
6. Love and be loved
How to love yourself? The advice of psychologists in this point is the same as in all previous ones - make sure of your uniqueness, uniqueness, internal and external beauty, and exclude everyone who disagrees with this from your social circle.
There's only one important nuance. Love, as you know, is not subject to reason. It is impossible to truly and truly love someone by force, even yourself. But there is also good news - love for oneself is inherent in nature. It already exists, it’s just that under the influence of some circumstances or people, this important feeling hid somewhere deep inside and needs to be extracted, revived and filled with strength.
There is no need to try, but you just need to excite the feelings that already exist. And this is where the tips outlined in this article will come to the rescue. Having appreciated all the advantages, convinced of your beauty and uniqueness, and cleared your life of unnecessary people, a person will resurrect the lost feeling of love for oneself.
7. Different emotions
Another very important rule: you can and should understand yourself, accept and love yourself in any emotional state. Absolutely everyone can feel sad or sad, anyone can get angry or simply be “out of sorts.”
Negative emotions are also part inner world. If this means what the soul and body need now, and there is no need to be afraid, embarrassed, etc. Of course there are life situations when you need to restrain your emotions, but after that you can hug your favorite pillow and shout to it everything you think, or cry to your heart’s content.
Any feelings are natural and do not need to be suppressed. If some seem too many, then you can work on this separate issue, but at the same time not forgetting point one - each person is unique, and emotional portrait- this is an important component of this uniqueness.
Little Helpers
Simple things that are available to everyone today can help, accept, understand and love yourself:
Summing up
If after reading the article and following all the recommendations, the question “who am I?” still remains, then here is the answer: smart, beautiful, wonderful person and an interesting personality!
Only this way and no other way! This is what the world's leading psychologists say, and specialists of this level simply cannot be wrong.
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A more than familiar and real picture: a client comes to a psychologist. Well, let's say, a girl. And right from the start she begins to complain that “I’m ugly, I don’t believe that I can please men and attract them.”
The psychologist looks: in front of him is a girl like a girl. Not Miss Universe, of course, but not the last crocodile either. Specifies in last time: “tell me, why do you think that you are ugly?” The girl again bursts into tears and dumps everything on the psychologist: that her personal life at 30 is in complete disarray; and that many times her acquaintances and friends told her that she was even pretty - but she didn’t believe it; and that “I understand everything, but there is some kind of internal barrier in my head...”
The psychologist sighs and understands: the work ahead is long. No, this can be changed - but not in one day. And not for two. Maybe more than a year will be needed.
And it won't be easy. The fact is that such a girl, firstly, is already excellent at rejecting proposed solutions, devaluing them or not noticing them (after all, her acquaintances and friends told her about her cuteness? But every time she had reasons not to believe). Well, the friends themselves also tried to help in the worst traditions of home-grown psychotherapy, claiming that she “doesn’t feel” what she feels: “It’s nonsense, you’re normal, even pretty, don’t make it up.” Well, that is, she is with her feelings that, they say, “I’m ugly, so no one needs me, and now I’m sad,” and she says, “Yes, this is all nonsense!” Of course, she was offended and felt misunderstood and rejected. After all, she sincerely suffered, even for a fictitious reason! She is hurt, ashamed and offended, and not “nonsense”.
And one more feature of the reaction of loved ones to the experiences of such a person. It begins to seem to those around her that she “invented it for herself,” that “I’m telling her that she’s normal, but she doesn’t believe it. This means that she herself wants to sit in a dung heap. You are the one to blame!"
Yes, indeed, the girl could only organize this hell for herself. And she suffers absolutely seriously. And he constantly feels like a piece of crap in a pile of garbage.
But this is not her fault at all.
It is difficult to understand without being inside her ideas about the world. This design is crooked, but extremely stable, and it can only be sharpened very little, literally, drop by drop.
And the absolute majority sincerely believes: “if she does not take the offered help and support, she is SAMADURAVINOVAT!”
She can't accept it. She has nothing 🙁
Well, imagine: all her life, with early childhood, from her parents the girl received only negativity about her personal and other qualities. Most likely, violence (at least emotional) flourished in the family: the child was humiliated, spanked, and judged low. She brought me a three - “What a fool are you growing into”; she tore her tights on the street - “slob, dirty, what a girl you are!”; I didn’t wipe the dust well - “Who’s going to marry you, you’re armless!”
I can even understand (although not accept) why it is convenient to educate with (emotional) violence. If a child is flattened from childhood, he becomes quiet, quiet, guilty, willingly does everything around the house and meekly listens to everything from mom and dad. A child whose feelings have been beaten away self-esteem, recaptured personal boundaries and taught us not to want something for ourselves - CONVENIENT AND OBEDIENT. And what she will ever have with men is generally not mom and dad’s concern. Children three, five, eight, thirteen years old don’t think about it, it’s very slow; but the fact that the child does not want to go to bed or refuses to eat what they give him is already a problem, and this must be suppressed, otherwise it is inconvenient. And they press.
Such children can be bullied at school, but the parents will be completely unaware: the child will be afraid to listen to reproaches once again, but for dad and mom, the daughter doesn’t complain, so there’s no problem. There’s something going on with her classmates, I can hear it out of the corner of my ear, well, she can handle it on her own, her parents are so tired after work that there’s no time for these stupid children’s quarrels, and first-graders can’t have anything serious!
So the psychologist knows that reproaching such a client that she is “at fault” and that she cannot accept help is something like making complaints to a patient in the intensive care ward that he only eats through a tube: well, I can just eat regular food There is? I don’t disdain either sausage or lard? Why on earth this grated apples and special food? Why is this around? him dance with special food according to the regime?
And this one needs it. He cannot (yet) do otherwise. You have to be careful with him.
Here, by the way, is an example from Russian classics: I was re-reading The Brothers Karamazov, and Dostoevsky perfectly described the scene with Captain Snegirev. Well, this is the unfortunate invalid whom Mitya Karamazov offended, took out of the tavern by his beard and laughed at. Alyosha Karamazov is very sympathetic to the poor, sick captain, tries to give him money, apologizes for his brother - and the captain throws the money on the ground, shouts, swears at Alyosha, who is helping him. Not at the offender Mitya, but at the kind and friendly Alyosha... And in fact, this beggar captain, offended by everyone, does not swear at Alyosha, but at everyone who offended him. People with this kind of psychotrauma constantly “bite the hand of the giver,” instead of the normal acceptance of help and gratitude in return. If you want, this is a symptom, and they do this NOT out of ill will, it is from internal pain and the inability to direct aggression towards the true offender. This is a DISORDER and that is what needs to be treated. Such traumatized people either bite THEMSELVES, or, when you approach them, they rush to bite ANOTHER. And until they take out their aggression somewhere, they are not able to accept help. Therefore, others very quickly stop extending a helping hand, pitying them and supporting them. And such alienation is interpreted by unfortunate traumatists as confirmation of their thesis “no one loves me, no one needs me.” The circle is closed. Traumatik built a prison false beliefs with his own hands, sits inside and suffers. He is in pain, bad, but doesn’t know how to get out.
If a person is beaten (at least morally) from childhood and weaned off self-support, then he will turn into what the client is like. She will not believe that she is good for anything, that she is smart, beautiful and might be desirable to someone. Such a person can receive other people’s support (for now) only a little bit at a time and in a very limited form. And on the Internet, excuse me, you can neither feed nor teach how to support yourself.
For this, another, specially trained person is needed. Psychotherapist.
That is, since a person cannot accept help from loved ones and strangers, it is often not his fault, not stupidity or malicious intent - but sincere, serious problem. With deep roots and far-reaching consequences. And this - yes, this is different than on psychological consultation can't fix it. There the person will cry (in an atmosphere of acceptance and trust), and will realize with horror that he is his own executioner, and will try to “bite” the supporting therapist (but they are trained, the therapist will not give in so easily! :))
So don’t delay visiting a psychologist. It doesn't go away on its own. And the “get rich” method doesn’t help here either. Yes, he doesn’t help anywhere...
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How to accept yourself? Humanity, chasing far-fetched mythical standards of beauty, is losing the most valuable thing given by nature - itself. People lose their real selves, not realizing that moving the scales closer to the cherished number or having enlarged breasts will not make them happier. Of course, achieving a goal will give you a few happy moments, which will be replaced by emptiness inside. And all because the human subject is a stubborn creature that does not want to accept its own features without embellishment. To achieve positive changes, an individual must accept himself, which is impossible, since there are a number of characteristics that he does not like. This is what a closed “wheel” looks like. To destroy the current situation, you must first of all understand how to accept yourself, which is what this phrase implies.
How to accept yourself as you are - psychology
Anyone adequate person characterized by a bit of doubt about one’s own mind, appearance, and intelligence. Everyone tends to scold themselves from time to time. A feeling of dissatisfaction with one’s own person can sometimes appear even in the most confident person. This is fine. However, invariably present feeling dissatisfaction with oneself significantly complicates existence and causes harm. It’s as if a person immediately admits his own inadequacy in any undertaking, programming himself in advance for failure. Therefore, you should learn to accept your own person without embellishment and changes, stop complaining about life and notice happiness in the most insignificant everyday trifles.
First of all, it is recommended to stop looking at others, looking for traits in them that are absent in your own person. Such behavior only gives rise to complexes and a depressive mood. If you are not satisfied with anything appearance, life or , then this is a reason to become better. First of all, you should clearly formulate your so-called “shortcomings”, as well as the traits you want to acquire. You can also write down what you want on paper. After which you need to comprehend each point, outline a plan to get rid of the disadvantages and achieve what you want.
If an individual is dissatisfied with his excess weight or hair thickness, then fixing this is quite simple. The main thing is desire and persistence. Visiting the gym, morning jogging, evening walks, exercises, contrast showers and many other completely inexpensive methods will help you correct your figure. Folk remedies that are cheap can also help with thinning hair.
If the situation is a little worse and the person is not satisfied with the nose, legs, chest, then you should not immediately seek help from plastic surgery. First of all, you need to look around and understand the main thing - the people you meet in everyday life are not at all ideal. For most human subjects, their imperfect lip shape, imperfect bite, imperfect eye shape do not at all hinder career growth and in family life. Therefore, in order to be happy you don’t have to be perfect.
Most often, what prevents a person from enjoying being is his inner mood, and not the lack of a generally accepted model appearance. After all, it is quite difficult and almost impossible to love a subject who is not satisfied with himself and does not love his own person. Only parents are able to adore their child, who is dissatisfied with his own characteristics. It is necessary to understand that initially the environment cannot be worse or better. Just an individual, dissatisfied own appearance he is simply devoid of perseverance, unable to set goals, make plans and implement them. Because awareness of one's own shortcomings is not enough to make changes. It’s better to start your own transformation small. For example, stop being late and then you won’t have to come up with excuses, deceiving others.
Any changes do not come suddenly. Therefore, it is recommended to set a goal and break its achievement into thematic stages. Upon achieving each intermediate goal, you need to praise yourself and be proud of your own success.
How to accept yourself and love yourself
A person can try to win the love of the crowd, he can look good in front of others, he can do good deeds, but he cannot become happy until he accepts himself. A subject becomes truly successful when he begins to like himself. , dissatisfaction with external data, uncertainty - all this is a consequence of dislike for himself, which prevents you from living fully.
If a person begins to wonder how to learn to accept himself, then he is moving in the right direction. Learning to live harmoniously with your own personality is quite simple. The problem may lie in the fact that the subject himself is not aware of the presence of self-dislike. More often than not, the root cause of this comes from childhood life. However, in addition to this, it is possible to identify other factors that provoke non-acceptance of oneself.
Education based on suppression of initiative, orders, criticism, lack of tenderness, forms in children's performance O self as unworthy of love, parental care, attention.
Another extreme form of improper upbringing—overprotection—also gives rise to self-dislike. Excessive care prevents babies from accepting independent decisions, act independently. As a result, in adulthood such an individual believes that he does not have enough skills to do something, lacks knowledge, lacks courage, lacks skills. This will inevitably lead to a decline in self-esteem and confidence.
Taking actions that have generated critical statements from those around you or caused your own condemnation leads, unfortunately, to a revaluation of values. Such a depressing state provokes dissatisfaction with oneself.
Inconsistency with the contrived ideal image is the most common factor that gives rise to non-acceptance of oneself. If a person strives for an ideal he created on his own and does not achieve what he wants, then dissatisfaction with himself comes. Also, the reason for this is often a discrepancy with the expectations of society or the image imposed by the same society or the media. The result similar attitude non-acceptance of oneself as real and setting an unattainable goal becomes.
Problems in professional activity or unpleasant incidents in the sphere of personal relationships also often have a negative impact on self-perception. Separating from a partner, a quarrel with relatives, conflicts with colleagues, and the feeling of guilt generated by these events negatively affects self-esteem. Especially if an individual’s attitude towards himself is built on personal achievements.
So how to accept yourself? Everything is simple, it is necessary, its advantages, negative traits, flaws in appearance, beauty of the soul. Make a selection of qualities and traits that, in the individual’s opinion, hinder success, happiness, personal life, in order to take further steps to eliminate them. It must be understood that the presence negative traits, is only a reason to become better, an incentive to, and not a reason for melancholy, despondency, whining and a depressive mood.
Love is generated by actions and is revealed in them. Initially, its seed is born with the help of its parents. After all, they love the newborn baby, take care of, play with the baby, set moral guidelines and guide, which shapes the child’s personality. In a baby who perceives the actions of his parents and feels love through them, he develops adequate confidence and develops the position “I am worthy,” “I can handle it.”
When a person loves himself, he takes actions. In other words, he does not waste time whining, complaining, trying over and over again to find what is wrong with him. He sets goals and strives to achieve them. Of course, everyone has moments of blues, but if an individual loves himself, he does not allow sadness to drag him into the pool of sadness for a long time. It should be understood that love for one’s own person is not synonymous with or. Because an individual who knows how to love himself also respects his surroundings. He does not try to put himself above, he interacts with society on equal terms. Thus, love for one’s own person implies inner satisfaction with oneself, self-acceptance.
Accepting yourself is painstaking and enjoyable work, requiring time resources and a lot of effort, but the result is worth it.
Self-acceptance is a process that occurs on several levels: physical, emotional, social, intellectual and spiritual.
Acceptance on a bodily level presupposes love for one’s own unadorned body. You need to understand that human body is a kind of temple for his soul. Caring lies in caring for the body. It involves understanding and reading all its signals (trembling, pain, tingling).
On emotional level acceptance implies finding a middle ground between total suppression of emotional manifestations and states when they control the individual. You need to observe experiences, be aware of them, “catch” them, and name all the emotional manifestations that arise. This skill makes it easier to understand one’s own reactions, oneself, the situation and promotes acceptance. the right decision. At the same time, you should be aware of any emotional manifestations, regardless of direction. In addition, it is recommended to avoid interaction with individuals who are negative, envious, liars, gossipers, and eternal mourners.
On social level acceptance lies in the awareness of all social roles that a person loses and his position in society. You cannot compare yourself with other human subjects. You only need to compare your present self with your past and future self.
You should strive exclusively for your own, independently intended goals. Achieving other people's goals will not bring happiness, success and harmony. The intellectual tier is based on the individuality of a set of knowledge and experience. The more experienced an individual is, intellectually developed, and erudite, the easier it is for him to adapt to existence and navigate it.
There are no stupid subjects, there are only individuals who are less knowledgeable in a certain area. If an individual is unable to study any discipline, it means that in life this science won't be useful. Therefore, it is necessary to rely solely on own interests, hobbies, passions, skills and talents. Why torture yourself by solving boring problems? mathematical examples, trying to extract roots and divide a polynomial into a monomial, if your soul is in philology.
On spiritual level self-perception implies awareness of one's own uniqueness. It is necessary to appreciate being and be grateful for the opportunity to live, see, feel harmony. You should not dwell on your own mistakes and shortcomings. All human subjects make mistakes. Any miscalculations and oversights must be perceived as learned experience, specific features, which need to be analyzed, a conclusion developed and, if necessary, corrective work carried out.
If a girl is not beautiful, how to accept herself and love herself for who she is
The first steps on the path to self-perception must begin with accepting your own body. After all, it represents physical object which can be touched and seen. Therefore, it is much easier to identify yourself with the body. How often do people care for their personal bodies with love? Individuals who do not love themselves most likely do not accept and own body, as a result of which they do not take care of him with love. The most effective method accepting one's own physical shell is gratitude. It is necessary to thank the body for its help in implementing plans, for fulfilling needs, desires, and simply for it.
Below are a few ways you can learn to accept yourself.
First of all, it is recommended to try to monitor moments of rejection that may arise as a result of the need to be considered good, the desire to please others. To do this, when performing a certain action, you need to think about whether there really is a desire to perform it or whether it is generated by outside influence.
One of obvious signs dislike for one's own person is. By criticizing his own actions, himself, a person seems to tell himself that he does not meet someone’s far-fetched expectations. Therefore, first, one should analyze whose demands or expectations the actions are generated by. Why is it necessary to comply with them? The analysis will show that, most likely, some requirements are generated by the statements of acquaintances or even strangers.
When a girl strives to be good for those around her, this is normal, but when she tries to please all human subjects, she loses herself.
In your diary you need to record situations of acceptance and opposite cases. It is necessary to track changes and reward yourself for positive dynamics.
In accepting yourself, you need to follow the example of your little brothers. Kids love themselves unconditionally and enjoy even the smallest achievements. When the baby falls, taking his first steps, he does not criticize himself. He accepts himself. It is in the example of children that one can see both love for one’s own little person and complete acceptance.
You need to start your early day with a smile. When performing routine hygienic morning procedures, it is recommended to linger a little longer in front of the mirror, look affectionately at your own reflection, and give a smile. Then you should confidently tell yourself a few compliments, for example, I’m cute, beautiful, I look young, I’m easily dizzy opposite sex, smart. You should act in this way every day in order to feel your own irresistibility.
All large quantity people turn to psychology and psychologists, hoping to find an answer to the question of how to accept and love themselves. This question is high on the list of important philosophical dilemmas. The answer to it is no less significant than the answers to the questions “Who am I?” and “What is my purpose?”
Self acceptance as it is – the first stage of absolutely any work on oneself. This is the main recommendation that psychologists give to their clients. And not only psychological, but also all other problems (of a material nature, with work, in the family, with health) are not worked through deeply and are not completely resolved without self-acceptance.
By by and large, it is impossible to develop any good habit or quality, change your lifestyle and type of thinking, achieve success and become happy without accepting yourself as you are.
Even if you manage to achieve some specific result in working on yourself (for example, learning to control anger, quit smoking or lose weight) and improve your quality of life, the effect will not be so significant(and often short-term) than what could be achieved by first learning to love yourself.
When an individual learns to accept himself, he learns to love himself. You cannot accept yourself without loving and love without accepting.
A person who loves himself:
- balanced,
- optimistic
- wise,
- self-sufficient,
- independent, he is free and does not limit the freedom of others,
- looks at life soberly and at the same time accepts its manifestations,
- knows how to be content with what he has,
- strives for goals based on the need for self-realization and self-improvement.
Selfishness or philanthropy?
More recently, at the end of the last and beginning of our century, self-love was understood in negative key, such as selfishness and egocentrism. It was believed that a person should work for the common good and the good of his country, forgetting about himself, personal interests and goals, and unconditionally submit to the authority of parents, leaders, and rulers.
And these days, people often love themselves confused with egocentrism and indifference. It is understood that a person who loves himself loves only himself and for him his “I” always comes first. But that's not true! Self-love is not egocentrism, but the basis altruism. Only a person who understands how to accept and love himself and has done this is able to love, respect and accept the people around him!
People more often pay attention to the first part of the Christian commandment “Love your neighbor as yourself” (this rule is also the basis of the morality of a civilized society), ignoring the second – “ like yourself" Without self-love there is no love for people!
It is impossible to truly love another person, nature, Motherland, the world, while hating yourself. More precisely, you can love, but such love is more likely to be painful attachment, mania, fanaticism, self-sacrifice, rather than true love.
For a long time it was believed and there is now an opinion that a person who loves and thinks about himself is not able to help other people and be useful to society, that he is only looking for his own benefit and profit.
But just a person who loves himself truly kind and helpful to the people around. He knows, understands, accepts himself and therefore becomes that member of society who does not just go to work like a zombie, but by doing what he loves, helps society develop, gets married not just “because it’s time,” but because he fell in love with another person and ready to create a happy family.
Kindness and philanthropy are not the same thing as dependability and humility, with which they are often confused, but the ability to think about the good of others without forgetting about oneself.
For example, if one subject asked another to do work for him and the second agreed, this only means that he is a reliable person who does not know how to say “no”, and not kind and altruistic. If he were one, he would help the first one to do the work, but would not do it for him.
People get angry when they don't succeed shift some of the duties and responsibilities at a loving and self-respecting neighbor and say: “He doesn’t care! Thinks only about himself! Would you like to help me?! I'm a relative/friend/colleague! Why is it difficult for him, or what? If he was a good man, and not selfish, would help! Behind “righteous anger” lies envy and anger directed at another and the same dislike for oneself.
Where does self-dislike come from?
This question is not easy and there can be many answers. But most often, the basis of self-dislike lies loss of connection with yourself, misunderstanding of oneself and ignoring the processes occurring in the body and soul.
Of great importance upbringing and education individual and that social environment, in which he grew up and was formed as a person. We can say that self-dislike sometimes happens " side effect» socio-psychological adaptation and socialization of a person in society.
Of course, a child needs to be raised and his behavior adjusted in such a way that it complies with the norms and rules accepted in society. But, for example, there is a huge difference between “You are bad!” and “You did a bad thing!”
In the first case, a connection is formed: rating “bad” –>punishment.
Growing up, such a person begins to punish himself every time he gives himself a “bad” rating. Of course, in literally No one puts themselves in a corner, but to problems, illnesses and life's dead end people who do not love themselves, consciously or unconsciously(!), often come.
Many psychologists have spoken about man’s desire for self-destruction and death, but man also strives for love with his whole being!
Parents sometimes blame themselves for raising their children “wrong.” But in most cases they are not to blame, since they themselves were dependent on the expectations and demands of the society in which they lived.
When little boy hurts, the body triggers a natural reaction designed to relieve pain - tears. The mother is very sorry for the baby, but she cannot help but tell him: “Don’t cry! You are a man!” and the boy learns to suppress tears, and then all the emotions and feelings that can cause them. If the boy copes with the task “excellently,” he will grow up to be a cold, unemotional man who reacts aggressively to tears.
The little girl is hot in a winter hat and scratchy sweater, but her mother, for good reasons, tells her: “No, you’re cold! It's frosty outside!" and the girl forgets how to believe her own feelings, stops observing them, responding to signals from the body and begins to treat it as a cage for the soul, and not a part of the “I”.
Five components of self-acceptance
Accepting yourself is not a matter of seconds, this is incredibly useful and nice job, which, however, requires long time and effort.
Self-acceptance is a process that takes place in several stages and several levels:
- Bodily. Accept and love your body and physiology without embellishment (without clothes and cosmetics). Understand that the body is not a cell, but a temple of the soul, that this is also “I”. Caring for the body is an attentive attitude towards it, the ability to understand its signals (goosebumps, trembling, tingling, pain or even illness, and so on). Of course, this is also about health. And external beauty is also, first of all, health.
- Emotional. Between the rigid suppression of emotions and the state when they take over and control a person, there is golden mean– observe experiences: “catch”, realize and name all the emotions that arise in consciousness. You might be surprised how much this skill makes it easier to understand yourself and the situation and helps you make the right decisions.
Important! It is necessary to realize not only positive emotions, but also negative.
There is no need to communicate with those people who cause negative emotions and feelings, you should stop communicating with envious people, gossipers, deceivers, “weepers,” manipulators and learn to say “No!” to such people.
- Social. Accept all yours social roles and position in society. There is no need to compare yourself to anyone else! Only person, with which you can compare yourself in the present - “I am in the past” and “I am in the future.”
There is no need to strive for other people’s goals, only for your own, independently thought out and set! What the choice of someone else's goal leads to can be judged by the example when parents force a child to study in a specialty that is not interesting to him, and then they wonder why he does not like his job or was not able to realize himself in this direction at all.
How many people ruin their mood and life by envying their neighbor and complaining: “Why am I not a star/deputy/millionaire?”, “Why don’t I have such a wonderful husband/wife/parents/children?” And if you managed to achieve everything that your “idol” has, the question arises: “Where is the long-awaited happiness?!”
- Intellectual. The set of experience and knowledge is always individual. But the more intellectually developed a person is, the more erudite and experienced, the easier it is, of course, for him to navigate and adapt in life.
No stupid people, there are those who are not knowledgeable enough in any field. If a person is not given any science, it means that it will not be useful to him in life! You need to focus on your interests, passions, abilities and innate talents. There is no need to torture yourself and struggle to solve problems higher mathematics if you like to study foreign languages and I have a dream to become a translator.
- Spiritual. Realize your uniqueness and originality, appreciate life and be grateful for the opportunity to live it, feel and see that there is harmony inside and outside.
There is no need to dwell on mistakes and shortcomings, they are just experience and individual characteristics, which need to be analyzed, conclusions drawn and, if necessary, work on oneself. It's time forgive myself and let go everything that torments the soul!
It's important to accept yourself without judgment, refuse the “bad” rating. You need to be more tolerant of yourself! Self-criticism, self-criticism, fixation on problems, artificial “immersion” in melancholy, despondency, depression and other conditions from omission and devaluation of the importance of maintaining peace of mind and inner harmony.
It is important to believe in yourself, listen to yourself (what do you want? what do you dream about? what is mine?) and don't be afraid to be yourself!
To love yourself, you need to think carefully and reflect on the topic of what Love is a good and creative force, energy that supports and gives rise to life.
If a person was destined to be born and grow up, then without miracle of love This was not the case and the charge of this creative, harmonious and life-affirming force was, is and will be in the soul. Moreover, love is the basis, the core, the core of the soul.
You need to find self-love deep within yourself and understand that it is the energy that creates and supports life, the very the essence of a human being! Any living creature and everything on Earth!
Which part of yourself is most difficult for you to accept and love?
If you go to the mirror and look carefully at the reflection, the question “who am I?” arises, then it’s time to figure it out. This will help you improve or even change your life, become happier and look at the world around you differently. How to accept, understand and love yourself? Psychologists have a lot of advice and recommendations on this matter. Let's consider a few basic steps towards yourself.
Important Basics
First of all, you need to understand what it means to “accept yourself.” This does not at all mean a throw from one extreme to another: from a heap of complexes and uncertainty to narcissism and ascension to the rank of saints. Accepting yourself and your life means, first of all, realizing the value and uniqueness of the body and soul, every moment and place, person and object, and also understanding your significance in this cycle of the universe. Sounds complicated and unclear? In fact, everything is simple if you break it down point by point.
1. Unique personality
How to accept yourself if you don’t meet generally accepted standards? The thing is that the world is changeable and you shouldn’t change yourself by blindly following trends and fashion trends. Today the trend is athletic and healthy, tomorrow the well-fed and lazy will smile from the covers of magazines, and the day after tomorrow someone else will smile.
If you don’t live your own life and do only what everyone else is doing, then you can easily lose yourself. It is very important to remember that each individual is unique. You should not give up on yourself just because your appearance, behavior or character does not have the qualities that it should have. But they should be, in general, only because someone said so. Looking in the mirror, it is worth remembering that the person reflected is unique, unrepeatable, and for this reason, at least, is interesting.
2. Beauty comes in different forms
Having dealt with the uniqueness, you can move on to the next point - appearance. Are these unique body, face, arms and legs beautiful? Of course yes! And nothing else! The color of the eyes, if you look closely, is so deep and bewitching. The hair frames the face so beautifully and emphasizes femininity. The body, although not perfect, also looks very good.
Accept whoever you are and don’t forget that beauty comes in many different forms. Think of some African tribes where women knock out their teeth or put scars on their bodies to be beautiful. To a European this seems strange and ugly, but on the dark continent it is the height of perfection. So what seems disgusting to one may look perfect to another. Beauty is not an absolute concept, it is multifaceted and multifaceted.
Well, if these beliefs don’t work, then go ahead for beauty! Gym, beauty salon, clothing store - anything! The main thing is not to lose yourself in the pursuit of beauty, and when doing a newfangled hairstyle or trying on a trendy dress, do not forget about your inner feelings. What happens if you take off this outfit and wash off the paint? Under the bright and beautiful wrapper, the same beauty remains as without it.
3. Advantages and disadvantages
Having dealt with the outside, you can move on to the inner beauty. How to accept yourself if you have only shortcomings?
Firstly, people without merit simply do not exist. Everyone has something to show off and something to work on.
Secondly, is there really so much bad and so little good? You need to take a sheet of paper, draw it into two halves and divide all your qualities into positive and not so good. This should be done in a calm and quiet environment, so that no one interferes and nothing distracts. Then, for each merit, you can praise yourself or even reward yourself. For example, pamper yourself with cake or aromatic tea.
Now, let's move on to the list of shortcomings. It is necessary to turn on objective criticism at full capacity and analyze each point. Is this really a drawback or does it just seem that way? For example, a person’s directness and simplicity in different life situations can be either a good and useful quality or completely inappropriate. This ambiguous character trait cannot without a doubt be classified as a shortcoming. And so on in the same spirit. Having worked through the entire list in this way, you can make sure that everything is not so bad and that there is no huge “black list”. And if some shortcomings still depress you and haunt you, then you need to highlight them and work on eliminating them.
4. No comparisons
How to accept yourself as imperfect if everyone around you is so good, beautiful and smart? Very simple! You need to stop comparing yourself to others. You need to learn to erase from your consciousness the thoughts that someone has longer legs, thicker hair, a slimmer waist, and so on. Here we remember points one and three. Each person is unique and inimitable, but not ideal. Comparisons don't make any sense. They only develop insecurity, envy and other feelings and thoughts that are completely useless to anyone.
what does it mean to accept yourself
5. Cross out the unnecessary
Very often a person does not accept himself only because his environment does not allow him to do so. You should not sacrifice your inner sense of comfort and confidence for the sake of someone else. On the contrary, it is worth conducting an audit of your relationships with others. Anyone who is not accepted and respected as an individual should be immediately eliminated from life. Your best friend’s “kind” advice about appearance and love, if analyzed, may not turn out to be so sincere and good. And the statement about the “soul mate” turns out to be just an attempt to restrain or subjugate.
People around us must accept two truths:
There are no halves, quarters, etc. Each person is whole and self-sufficient.
Each personality is unique and inimitable, interesting and beautiful, and there is no need to change it. If you are interested, talk, and if not, leave.
In addition, there are amazing people who cry, whine all the time and literally “suck” life energy from everyone else. Such friends and girlfriends, with prolonged communication, can simply plunge them into depression, from which it is then very difficult to get out.
And another category of “unfavorable communication” is those who assert themselves at the expense of others. If a friend gives advice on how to make her eyelashes as long as hers, or how to become as fashionable as she is, then most likely this is not a sincere desire to help, but an attempt to emphasize her peculiarity by belittling the merits of others . Such people are also not suitable for long-term and close communication, otherwise you can develop a lot of complexes and insecurities.
6. Love and be loved
How to love yourself? The advice of psychologists in this point is the same as in all the previous ones - make sure of your uniqueness, originality, internal and external beauty, and exclude everyone who disagrees with this from your social circle.
There is only one important nuance. Love, as you know, is not subject to reason. It is impossible to truly and truly love someone by force, even yourself. But there is also good news - love for oneself is inherent in nature. It already exists, it’s just that under the influence of some circumstances or people, this important feeling hid somewhere deep inside and needs to be extracted, revived and filled with strength.
There is no need to try to love yourself, but you just need to excite the feelings that already exist. And this is where the tips outlined in this article will come to the rescue. Having appreciated all the advantages, convinced of his beauty and uniqueness, and cleared his life of unnecessary people, a person will resurrect the lost feeling of love for himself.
7. Different emotions
Another very important rule: you can and should understand yourself, accept and love yourself in any emotional state. Absolutely everyone can feel sad or sad, anyone can get angry or simply be “out of sorts.”
Negative emotions are also part of the inner world. If you want to cry, then this is what your soul and body need right now, and you don’t need to be afraid, embarrassed, etc. Of course, there are life situations when you need to restrain your emotions, but after that you can hug your favorite pillow and shout to it everything you think, or cry to your heart’s content.
Any feelings are natural and do not need to be suppressed. If some seem too many, then you can work on this separate issue, but at the same time not forgetting the first point - each person is unique, and the emotional portrait is an important component of this uniqueness.
Little Helpers
Simple things that are available to everyone today can help, accept, understand and love yourself:
Camera. Take more pictures. Don't like the result? Then show me the photos a large number people (for example, you can post it in social network). Point two will immediately work: what seems ugly to one, will look simply perfect to another. And if you have strong doubts about being photogenic, then get a portfolio from a good photographer. A professional will be able to highlight the best and dispel doubts.
accept yourself anyone
Mirror. You can and should look at your reflection often and, of course, with love. After all, only in the mirror can you see the most dear, close and loved one- myself!
Diary. By writing down all your victories and defeats, successes and doubts, thoughts and experiences in a regular notebook, you can analyze and think about them, see them in a completely different light. If you re-read individual fragments after a while, this will help you get answers to various questions, including understanding yourself, your behavior and emotions in a specific situation.
Summing up
If after reading the article and following all the recommendations, the question “who am I?” still remains, then here is the answer: smart, beautiful, wonderful person and interesting personality!
how to love yourself tips
Only this way and no other way! This is what the world's leading psychologists say, and specialists of this level simply cannot be wrong.
