Live according to the rules and instructions of others. Course "big money according to your own rules"

Access to the page with bonuses and discounts for only 36 hours!

Your path to financial freedom

What rules do you follow in your life?

First at school, then at college, at work, in the family? Every day, year after year? You need to study well, you need to work hard, you need to know your place, you need to earn a pension, you need to save to pay off loans and to educate your children, you need to think about others and not about yourself, you need to save, and so on...

You need it, must, must, you can’t afford it, it’s not given to you, why do you need it if everything seems to be fine...

What is your life turning into under the yoke of these endless rules? Are you living your own life or the life of those who believe that you should and are obliged? What does constant observance of other people's rules lead to - your self-esteem becomes lower and lower, you stop trusting yourself and hearing yourself. You forget about your dreams, what you wanted to do, what kind of life you want to live. Taking a step aside and changing something in your life seems simply unrealistic. Your fears, beliefs and limitations take root in your subconscious, and it becomes increasingly difficult to get rid of them. As a result, your life turns into ordinary survival or survival. How many of us live by our own rules? If you think about it, only a few. As a child, we do what our parents and teachers tell us, then what the employer says, we buy what is persistently offered to us from TV screens... Where is your life in all this?

We must meet the expectations of parents, teachers, and society, which dictate to us how to act and what exactly to do. As a result, we live someone else's life.

What does such a life lead to when we strive to live up to the rules and expectations prescribed to us? We lose our individuality, become dependent on other people's opinions and assessments, we are afraid of not justifying, not conforming.

As a result, personal freedom disappears, and is replaced by weak-willedness and weakness of character. Can a person with such life position become a rich man? I think the answer is obvious - NO!

It's time to be free!

Try creating your own instead own rules, get rid of the framework and restrictions imposed on you, throw away the ready-made instructions and act according to your regulations.

According to research by Harvard University scientists, 80% of the world's money belongs to just 3% of people. Can you imagine the ratio?

What rules do those who have 80% live by? What rules do those who earn money for those in the 3% live by?

What reality do they live in?

Do you want to stop working like the 97% and start living like the 3%?

It would seem that everything is simple, change the way you think and act and you’re done. But in reality everything turns out to be much more complicated, otherwise the 97/3 ratio would have changed long ago. Why isn't this happening?

Parenting, limited thinking, burden negative emotions, victim consciousness, low self-esteem, rejection of abundance - these are difficult obstacles to overcome on the path to the reality of abundance.

A small test that shows how deeply limiting beliefs and the usual picture of reality are rooted in your mind:

try to repeat the beliefs and habitual actions of 97% and 3% without looking at the text. It is unlikely that you will be able to list all the points. Beliefs are so deeply rooted that we are simply not aware of them.

How will your life change when you start living by your own rules?

By learning to live in harmony with yourself, you will open your life to a completely different reality - a reality in which there is no concept of “making money.” In which money is created according to completely different rules.

You will begin to create and create rather than earn money.

You become free, you are the master of your life and the only judge of your decisions and actions. But along with this, responsibility appears in your life. It is the fear of responsibility that stops many and predetermines the choice in favor of life within the framework of other people's rules. By choosing freedom, you change the role of a follower to the role of a leader.

Give yourself the right to break other people's rules!

Give yourself the right to create your own rules!

But how to do this? How to learn to create your own rules?

How to create a different reality in your life?

How to decide to start new life without other people's rules and restrictions?

How to get rid of everything for many years Did your parents and society diligently “drill into” you?

I have the answers to these questions

I am Konstantin Dovlatov.

Candidate psychological sciences, trainer and coach, author of several dozen trainings, successful businessman.

What I am telling you about is something I have experienced. I, too, once lived by someone else’s rules and thought that there was no other way. At the cost of several years of searching, trial and error, I found how to change everything, how to stop obeying and start setting rules. And life changed in an incredible way.

Once upon a time, I also lived on little money and was constantly dependent on other people, their actions and decisions. And he didn’t try to change anything in life. Now this period of pain and humiliation is long behind me, and I am very happy about it. But then it seemed to me that it would always be like this.

It’s just that at some point I decided: “I don’t want to live like this! I deserve better!”

I combined all my experience, the results of many years of searching, thanks to which I changed my life, into course "Big money according to your own rules" , which can radically change your life and allow yourself what you could only dream of!

This is a great opportunity for you to open your life to Big Money. What will studying the course give you:

• By learning to live in harmony with yourself and your body, you will open your life to a completely different reality - a reality in which there is no concept of “making money.” In which money is created according to completely different rules.
• What previously suited you and seemed normal will now become unacceptable to you.
  Your new state will take you to a different level of life, interests and goals.
• You will be able to communicate on equal terms with those who just yesterday seemed many heads higher in social status.
  Stop wasting energy fighting yourself and start creating something new;
• Get rid of everything that limits your actions now: fears, doubts, limitations, narrowness of thinking - “I can only do what I know how to do,” “It’s too late to learn and change something in my life,” “I have nothing.” it will work out,” “There are people who know better what I should do.”
• Get the mechanisms with which you will begin to ACT;
• Change the model of your consciousness from helplessness and confusion to a self-confident person who knows the value of his qualities;
• Penetrate into the most secret corners of the minds of rich people;
• Feel the energy of wealth and independence;
• You will become aware of your reality and see a reality in which you can live if you really want to;
• Move from linear thinking “paycheck to paycheck” to creative creation of the reality of wealth;
• Free yourself from dependence on money - now you are its owner, and not vice versa;
• Free yourself from negative energy preventing wealth from coming into your life
• You will understand that becoming a millionaire is quite simple. To do this, you need to start acting where you have not yet acted.

Life is not endless - and this is its value. You can live, waiting for the end, you can live, bringing it closer, or you can take it and start life over again.

Don't put your life on hold! Take action now! Click the "order" button and take a step into a new reality!

Access to the discount page is only available for 36 hours from the moment you visit the page!

But that's not all!

All truly rich people keep track of their income and expenses and plan for the future.

By paying for the course, you will receive as a gift " Step-by-step compilation personal financial plan", which will help you increase your income and reduce costs.

But that's not all! For the first time in RuNet! For the first time in Russian! A unique technique of one of the youngest American millionaires - Anika Singal, which will help you easily achieve any goals in the field of money, health, relationships and any others!

The discount is only available for 36 hours! Don't miss this opportunity!

By following your heart, living by your own rules, you will gain mental maturity, become more flexible, get rid of uncompromisingness and categoricalness, and learn to organically interact with changes, which are the basis of life. Many people, fearing criticism and admitting their mistakes, are ready to act contrary own interests for the sake of principles and adherence to this word.

Change is so natural. It is unnatural to remain static and avoid change. Make decisions, change them if necessary, abandon outdated principles, do not be afraid of change.

Don’t delay, think right now about what kind of life you live and what it could be life by your own rules.

“The one who gets along well with the boss and carefully follows the prescribed rules can become very rich, but one can become a good employee, and even a highly paid one, but nothing more.” H. Hartford.

Others agree with him richest people, whose statements have one thing in common - real success can only be achieved by breaking generally accepted rules and creating your own instead.

Are you still thinking?

Have you already tried to start your life over, used fashionable techniques to achieve wealth? But nothing helps? It's just that the reasons why you can't have BIG money are deeper than just more efficient work and career growth.

You can not change anything and leave everything as it is, continue to wait until you have big money and you can live differently!

But this will lead to nothing!

To get out of a hole, stop digging!

Find out how to change the consciousness of the victim, become a free, wealthy person, the master of your life. Get unique knowledge and convert them into abundance!

One of the secrets of rich people is smart financial investments. You can now act like the Master of your life and do best investment– into yourself, which will allow you to radically change your consciousness and life. Or you can, following a survival strategy, continue saving and leave everything in your life as it is, without changes.

Become the Master of your life! And the money will begin to obey you unquestioningly! Create your wealth reality!

Probably everyone at least once in their life has thought about why some “lucky” people have everything, but he has nothing. Why are some successful, rich and famous, while others have a bored mouse in their refrigerator?

I'm a business coach, so I interact a lot with people who want to improve their lives. Observing them and analyzing their experiences, I identified five key conditions for achieving success.

Condition 1. Everyone has their own ikigai

Agree, without meaning, without a big strong goal that gives energy and confidence, our life becomes gray and insipid. And where there is boredom, don’t expect big victories. Change comes when there is a great desire and unquenchable passion.

Ikigai(from Japanese - "meaning of life") is a concept that means understanding one’s own purpose in life. If we talk in simple language, then ikigai is what gives our lives meaning and encourages us to wake up every morning with joy. Your ikigai can be anything: a hobby, work or family.

To find the ikigai that will light the fire in your heart, answer three questions.

First question "FOR WHAT?".

• Why do you get up every morning and go to work?

• What do you earn money for?

• Why are you doing this?

• What really drives you?

• What would you do if you had a hundred million dollars?

Ask the question “Why?” until you reach your destination. This is the most difficult question in life, but it is the one that allows you to understand yourself.

I found my ikigai in 2011, and this discovery changed my life within a few months.

I do some training and consulting recent years, and before he worked for just about anyone! Security guard, advertiser, PR person, marketing director, project manager, sales manager. I usually liked my job, but I didn't feel fulfilled from it.

One day a kaizen project began in our office in Yekaterinburg. I was an ordinary participant and watched the consultant’s work with my mouth open. The idea of ​​kaizen struck me with its simplicity and practicality. This was something I always suspected, but didn't know how to explain.

We could hardly wait until morning to start work again.
Wilbur Wright, airplane inventor

The project lasted four months, I managed to see, try and understand a lot. A few months later, a corporate competition was announced for the position of kaizen manager with training at Kaizen Institute Russia, which I successfully won.

After training, I traveled with projects throughout the south of Russia and moved with my family to Krasnodar.

Once you have ikigai, all that remains is to implement it.

To do this you need to answer yourself the question "WHAT?".

• What should you do to be happy?

• What professions or hobbies will bring you joy and align with your ikigai?

In my case, it was the work of a consultant and business coach. If your ikigai is children, the answer to the question “what?” May be big family, Job school teacher, salesperson/director in a children's toy store, blogging on a children's theme, writing children's books and fairy tales, etc.

When there are answers to the two most complex issue“WHY?” and “WHAT?”, then find the answer to the third question "HOW?" It’s as easy as shelling pears - make a list of things to do that will lead to the desired lifestyle, profession, position. I grabbed my chance and did everything to win the competition. What will you do?

Condition 2. Time is short and it’s running out quickly.

Burying myself in the routine of my days, I often put off important, complex and new things for later. Sincerely believing that I have a lot of time, if not today, then tomorrow (Monday, June 1, New Year) I will definitely start new project, I’ll start doing exercises, reading, etc. Unfortunately, this is not the case.

Quote on Twitter

I first realized the finitude of life and the speed of passing days when I filled out my first pin calendar. On a small piece of paper I saw my whole life. I saw how much had passed and how much was left. Make yours too.

For fans of mathematics there is a way to gain clarity of consciousness :)

Let's calculate how much real time we have. Let’s say I’m thirty-five years old, but I want to live until I’m eighty. Thus, it would seem that I have another forty-five years ahead of me! However, look where my time goes and how many years I have left for an active life.

To begin with, let’s subtract from the day eight hours for sleep, the same amount for work and two hours for travel to the office and back. It turns out I only have six hours left per day. I want to spend it on family, vacation, friends, reading, exercise, hobbies, etc. By the way, do you realize/notice these six hours of “free time”? I suspect not.

I also don’t see where these hours go, because this time is “dirty”. From the six “conditionally free hours” you need to subtract the time spent on hygiene procedures, time spent in queues, illness, household chores and everything else uninteresting.

Let’s “squeeze” these expenses out of my free time, and it turns out that in fact, I have not forty-five years left for what I’m really interested in, but only eight...

Quote on Twitter

To do this, I periodically use Japanese principle“Value and Loss” - I write down everything I did during the day. In the evening, I mark with an asterisk all the things that have really brought benefits and are of Value to me. The rest I write down in Losses.

Typically, one week of monitoring Values ​​and Losses will return the ability to instantly notice and avoid unnecessary things that slow down your progress and steal time.

Condition 3. Community, pack, clan

It is well known that man is the most socially dependent creature in the world. We cannot exist alone. Therefore, the ancient community/tribe is the most powerful and efficient model survival. At the dawn of humanity, expulsion from the community meant inevitable death. It's the 21st century, but this model still works.

In any field, in any profession, in any business, those who have a team behind them achieve success. Great achievements are almost impossible if you go alone against everyone.

For me this moment has always been a serious problem. Because a consultant is a friend, comrade and wolf to a consultant. Well, our brethren are not friends with each other :), but without like-minded people it’s difficult. Discuss some complex problem no one. Here I am helped out by a narrow circle of old and new colleagues, specialized community forums and old clients. You learn from them, and they from you.

In business, success comes to those who have a team that believes and helps to achieve success (millions of ideas die precisely because of lack of support).

Sports stars surrounded an entire army: agents, trainers, massage therapists, promoters, PR people, fans and many others, providing them with the opportunity to train and be the best. In Japanese enterprises, quality circles are a key force for change. They allow us to generate millions of new ideas and improvements every year, making the quality of Japanese goods extremely high and production costs extremely low.

Where to find your tribe? When I start a new project, I try to find people who are already in the subject.

The most powerful support group is my family. It is very important when your loved ones treat what you do with understanding and support, and turn a blind eye to some everyday little things.

Also, thematic forums can become a new tribe, sports clubs, colleagues at work, the “Stodnevka” group or another training program.

Condition 4. Small steps against the “unknown zone”

When you know what your ikigai is, see the Values ​​in the flow of Loss and you have the right team, you automatically turn into a powerful success machine. But…

As boxer-philosopher Mike Tyson said, “We all have a plan until you get punched in the face.” It's easy to make a workout plan, but difficult to stick to it. It's easy to vow not to overeat after six, but try to resist. Because in each of us, in the farthest and darkest corner, there live fear and uncertainty. And they crawl to the surface as soon as we come face to face with something new, unknown, with the first difficulties. And so we give up without waiting for results.

For example, I’m starting a big business - I’m going to run a marathon or earn a million. The goal is set and triggered (set according to SMART technologies), but what to do next is completely unclear. For me, the first million is like China sending a man to Mars for the first time. Nobody knows HOW to do this. But this is not a reason to abandon a big project.

The Japanese call this working with the “unknown zone.” And they have a simple and efficient technology working with situations of complete uncertainty. Here's what to do.

First, I start with what I have. I'm just taking the first clear step in in the right direction. For example, when I decided to get my body in order, I started with morning exercises and planks. What I got out of bed in is what I wear :) People often mistakenly start playing sports by looking for the right sneakers and tracksuit. This is wrong because there is high risk that the store won't have it the right size, model or color. And while we are looking, time and desire are running out. Just start running or doing exercises in what you have. In the process, you will understand what kind of sneakers and uniform you really need.

Secondly, do what works! I never run after fashion. Yes, I am interested in new products, but I do what brings me pleasure and results with least losses time. If everyone around me is doing fitness, and I don’t like lifting weights, I go for a run in the park. If you don't like running, try yoga, planking or badminton.

Find what you like, do what comes easiest. Achieve first results quickly! If they suit you, continue to gradually increase the load; if not, try something new.

There is another important psychological point. When we plan to change our habits, we are full of energy and confidence. In a state of emotional upsurge, we often overestimate our capabilities and willpower. Therefore, any changes should begin with small steps and simple goals.

Refused a piece of cake - well done! I wrote one more page of my plan - great! I skipped the sale - great! Praise yourself for any victories. I try to write down three wins a day in my “success journal.” If you start doing the same, then in a month your victories will be close to a hundred, and in moments of mental weakness you can always lean on them and take the next step.

Condition 5. Visible results (visualization)

And the last condition for achieving goals is to make movement towards them visible.

I like to use Instagram to monitor my exercise and results. For example, for quite a long time I posted photos or videos of my plank with the hashtag in the mornings #morningplankchallenge day 43 - 6 min. Thus, I recorded the training, reported to myself and my “gang” about the result, and received as a pleasant bonus feedback from people who were inspired by my videos.

If you want to buy a dress, you need to consult your mother. A boyfriend has appeared - your friends are already waiting for reports on his appearance and screenshots of your correspondence. Showed up at work extra work— it is also delegated to you, as the most responsible employee (although no one raises your salary). It's like you're a puppet being pulled by strings.

Stop giving control of your life to other people!

Only you know what you need. Become the Author of life and start choosing outfits yourself, deciding what to share and what to keep secret, don’t be afraid to ask for a decent salary, make and implement plans. I know how difficult it is to give up the habit of listening to advice, to get rid of the fear of condemnation and guilt. But a real #author of life is able to do this! He has no fear, he confidently moves towards his dream.

Difficult? I'll help: let's start with 5 rules independent people. Step by step, you will become an Author and come to a happy life!

Rules used by Authors

Rule #1. Live your life and by your own rules

It is impossible to experience someone else's happiness. Even if life by your own rules does not bring wealth and success, it will bring inner comfort and satisfaction. It costs more.

• What do I want?
• Do I like my life?
• Did I choose what I have?
• What stops me from pursuing my dreams and goals?
• Do I want to continue living the way I am?

Can't understand your desires? Listen to them in the most insignificant matters: when you choose an outfit in the morning, when you buy a cake in the store, when you make plans for the weekend.

Listen to yourself when they ask for something - are you ready to neglect your personal interests for the sake of others? By sacrificing yourself and being afraid to show a “difficult” character, you are putting your destiny in the wrong hands. Remember this when you agree to meet a friend at the airport at 3 am.

Rule #2. Free yourself from the burden of expectations

Expectations are a source of disappointment because they rarely coincide with reality.

Ira is getting ready for a date and imagines that Misha will talk all evening about her new haircut and custom-made dress. But in fact, the guy talks all evening about a trip to Lithuania. On the one hand, Ira is interested in listening to him, and Misha made an offer to go abroad together, but she returned from the date upset. After all, everything didn’t turn out the way she dreamed.

Give up expectations - they are not in the rules happy people. Instead of waiting for external praise, enjoy your beauty yourself. Live like the Author, and then the assessment of others will not be important to you.

Don't have any expectations for yourself. Don’t think through to the smallest detail exactly how each day will turn out. Leave room for surprise and genuine joy.

Rule #3. Avoid comparisons

We have been compared since childhood. Because of comparisons, the child begins to think that the way he is is bad. This is how complexes are formed, and the desire to be like others (those who are supposedly better) develops. Life turns into a race for other people's achievements. It is truly lived only by those people in whose lives there are no comparisons.

By comparing himself with others, a person makes his existence:

• emotionally tense - he has to constantly monitor what others are doing;
• dependent on the achievements of others, which have to be repeated without taking into account personal desires (a colleague jumped with a parachute - you need to repeat it so as not to seem like a weakling);
• low value - a person is able to completely devalue personal achievements if they seem insignificant in the eyes of others.

Equating yourself with others, you pick up a compass with standard factory settings. Such a device will show the path, but it will regularly change its direction and will never lead to the goal. If you want to become the Author of life, set your compass settings and don’t build any expectations.

Rule #4. Live with zest for life

Children and Authors are gifted with unlimited interest. Interest leads them to study the world around them: taste sand, look into a dog’s mouth. Adults have less interest, as fears take its place. On the one hand, fears protect against rash actions (after all, looking into a dog’s mouth is quite dangerous), but they stop development.

Analyze your fears. If you are afraid to quit because of condemnation, try to replace fear with interest. What happens if I change jobs? How will life turn out? What opportunities will open up?

At school I had a friend - a good, correct girl. Absolutely correct, in every way. She was never late, never forgot anything, did her homework, got A's (only A's!), dressed neatly, went to music school. And of course, she behaved impeccably. She answered questions clearly and clearly. If they didn’t ask, she was silent. I did everything exactly like this, as expected. Of course, there was no talk about all sorts of “nonsense” like cigarettes and gatherings with a guitar at the entrance.

They always set her up as an example for us: “Christina can do it,” “Christina did it!”, “Christina is great.” But this didn’t annoy us, because Christina was a kind girl: she explained lessons, let us copy, shared books and pens (she always had a spare one, in case someone forgot). Everyone loved Christina. Of course, on graduation party she was given well deserved gold medal and wished you happiness on your life's journey.

But somehow things didn’t work out with happiness. Absolutely everyone was sure: there was no need to worry about the excellent student girl - she would go to college and get settled in life. She does everything right, as it should!

But it turned out differently. The surprises began from that same graduation-introductory summer. Christina did not enter the institute. The university was chosen, of course, prestigious, as it should be for a good, the right girl. But instead of studying I had to go to work. The position of assistant secretary in the office of an unknown company, evening faculty and sleepless nights during the session, a long-suffering diploma and still - the place of assistant secretary. The husband is a drunkard and a serious divorce.

I don’t know what happened next. I really hope that she managed to get out out of deep, hopeless depression and finally find... And now - attention! What was lost and when? Why did the smart girl turn out to be completely helpless in front of adult life and - most importantly! - before yourself, your goals, desires, aspirations?! Was she idle and lazy? Never! Wasting your time? No way! All I did was worked and tried.

Surely everyone has a similar story in their memory. And someone recognizes themselves in some way.

From childhood we learn to obey, we try to conform different standards and ideas about how it should be done, how it should be done correctly.

Which girl will be called good? Quiet, obedient, modest, who doesn't bother anyone. Who will help everyone, even if she is uncomfortable and doesn’t want to. Which does not shy away from any work, even if it is unpleasant for her. And, as a rule, it does not occur to anyone to learn understand yourself, their own desires, put own goals and moving towards them is much more important and necessary than the ability to be good and correct for everyone around.

Another story. Friends have two daughters. One is good: she reads a lot, writes poetry, loves the theater. And the other “failed”: she doesn’t like to read, she yawns in the theater, not only does she not write poetry, she doesn’t teach! All he does is tinker with the dogs in the yard... Meanwhile, the family is very respected: mother is a philologist, father is a linguist, doctor of sciences, grandfather is the director of a publishing house. Well, the poor girl got it from them! However, she didn't break found strength in myself say: “Leave me alone with your Homer and Shakespeare!” AND became a genius veterinarian As they say, not thanks to, but in spite of. The academic family first grumbled, then reconciled, and then completely rejoiced: the person was busy doing what he loved, friends, hiking, studying, work began to generate income... In general, life got better.

So, what's the problem? The fact is that we want to be good - correct and obedient, pleasant to others. We learn to humble ourselves and obey, to act according to the rules. We want to be liked. And at the same time we forget the main thing- something very important and necessary arises when a person breaks the rules, pushes the boundaries, goes beyond what is permitted.

What's the result? The feeling disappears intrinsic value and significance, the awareness of our own, unique desires is lost, and we can no longer say “no”, so we run around like crazy, obeying expectations and other people's wishes. And we gradually turn into a “victim” (“I gave you my best years!") - circumstances, other people's desires, other people's careers and needs.

Must study well, must play the violin, must be polite, must get married, must give birth, must have order at home, must find good job, should... Thousands, millions of "shoulds". Just try to squeeze into them yours small" Want".

After all, this is where the main thing begins - defining your own goals and setting tasks, development its own, unique life strategy . By and large, we don’t owe anything to anyone but ourselves.

What to do?

Let's say I understand all the reasons for my failures, I understand the reasons for discontent, irritation and depression. Yes, since childhood I have not learned to live my life and my desires, I always replaced them with the desires of other people. Now what to do?!

Both before and now you need to do one thing: listen to yourself, try to understand, define, formulate your “I want”. I have dream? This is wonderful. She should become my goal.

How to do this?

1. Clearly define your goals and tasks, formulate them not only for themselves, but also for others - they have the right to know.

2. Clearly define your requirements to others. If you think that your husband should at least give you flowers in the evening in exchange for ironed trousers, it would be nice to let him know that your sacrifice should not be in vain.

3. Forget about such a phenomenon as public opinion . Lamentations from a neighbor: “So good, why don’t you get married?” in principle shouldn't worry you. Does your neighbor want to get married? Let him go.

4. Learn say no, if what is asked for bothers you or is unpleasant. You'll see: the world won't turn upside down if you refuse to babysit your friend's children and instead go to the exhibition, as you intended. And your girlfriend will survive, and you, by refusing, will not become worse, believe me.

5. Constantly remember about your main goals, keep it in mind whatever you do.

6. Don't waste your time on trifles, do not do work that will not lead you to your intended goal. Are you a qualified specialist, and you are entrusted with the work of an assistant? No! You have a profession, and it is in it that you want to improve. Believe me, the management has such a position respects much more than blind obedience. If not - change superiors.

7. Don't be afraid of change. Sometimes we tend to endure a situation that is unpleasant for us (and for years!), because it is familiar to us and we can easily navigate it. But this is an illusion! Sometimes you have to make an effort force yourself to crawl out from the stuffy cocoon to see the world, to try to build it for yourself the way you want.

I always wanted to teach and teach children. So why should I give up this just because being a teacher is less prestigious than being a journalist? Or did you dream of becoming a driver, but instead I work as an accountant? Or is my dream to become a photographer, but I’m afraid that I won’t succeed, so I work as a hairdresser?

Nonsense, complete nonsense! You just have to want it and everything will work out. Excuses like “no one will pay for this” or “how can I live on this” are just excuses, because if a person is in the right place and does what he loves, sooner or later it begins to bring him income.

8. Unleash your emotions. Don't want to seem angry, dissatisfied and irritated? Well, of course, it’s “so ugly”! Why not, exactly? You absolutely have the right to this, even if no one expects you to broken dishes, tears and screams “I’m tired of it!” Besides, an emotional shake-up sometimes doesn’t hurt.

9. Forget about general rules . People did the most ingenious, most important and interesting things when they did it “wrong.”

10. Create your own rules and follow them. This is the right way.

Don't you agree? Great!

Question for a psychologist:

Good afternoon, dear Psychologist!

I have always considered myself smart, logical, able to explain what I want and how, but I am already on the verge of leaving the family quietly and peacefully.

I don’t even know how to ask my question that interests me. I used to want my wife to simply understand me, but the further it goes, the more scary and incomprehensible it becomes.

The first bell was that we were talking about where we would celebrate New Year, to which I said - in fact, it is customary that we should celebrate it with my parents, because you are my wife, you bear my last name, I took you as my wife, brought you, so to speak, into my family. To which I was told - who decided this? These are stupid stereotypes.

After two days we were sitting and she told me: in my family my dad is Catholic and so that Catholic Christmas We had a Christmas tree at home.

There seemed to be nothing, but the call came. I tried to explain that even though dad puts up a Christmas tree, it’s like we have our own family. Resentment and anger in response. Threats of divorce, worthless husband, doing nothing, etc.

This has been going on for 7 months now. It has come to the banal point - I’m not going to wash the dishes, floors, clean the house, you can do everything yourself and you won’t break down. We live in the 21st century, stop treating me who should do what, all men do this and you are no exception. Of course, I do everything, because I feel sorry for my daughter, she’s a complete mess, covered in dust, etc. It’s somehow not good to live, and I don’t want to live in a pigsty myself. At the same time, when it is beneficial for my wife, I am a man and I have to do everything - earn money, carry heavy things, hammer a nail, provide for everyone and never listen to anyone.

At the same time, I began to notice that they stupidly either did not understand me or pretended not to understand.

I'm trying to explain that I'm willing to help, but not do everything around the house. To which the answer is: helping and doing are the same thing.

After which I got completely confused after one story: I was helping my father, I received a lot of SMS - that you are the only one with your father, that you are the only one with your relatives? Why do they keep asking you? We've had enough already. (I have 2 sisters and a brother).

And so her aunt started renovations: She has been missing there for 2 weeks and I am silent, I understand that help is needed, I help myself if there is such a need. And I just decided to ask this question: You see, my love, I hope you understand me now? Still, you have two brothers, but no one helps except you, still, I’m very glad that you probably understood me.

To which they answered that everyone is busy and these are two big differences and so that I don’t touch her relatives at all and she will help as much as necessary.

It was then that I realized that she wanted to force me to live by her own rules, by her fictitious or contrived principles.

How should I deal with this? After all, I was brought up in such a way that white will remain white even when everyone says that it is black. And I already look like Stirlitz, I record our conversations, because then an hour later they tell me - it didn’t happen, you’re lying all the time. One time I couldn’t stand it and turned on the recorder to listen, well, to show that I wasn’t completely crazy, so I became guilty of recording my wife. How should I live? I’m ready to break down and accept all this for the sake of my daughter, for the sake of my blood. I walked around for a week and agreed with everything, didn’t argue, didn’t express my dissatisfaction, did everything around the house.

A week later I was told - it’s boring with you, you agree with everything.

I also hear every day: we are a separate family and we live as we want, and not as was customary in your family.

Every other day I hear the phrase: I want us to live as I am used to living in my family.

But damn... either I'm stupid, or these are two completely opposite thoughts.

Psychologist Tatyana Gennadievna Siurdaki answers the question.

Dear Vlad!

You are a great fellow for not leaving your family, but looking for solutions, this characterizes you as strong man who does not run from problems, but wants to solve them. There must be a solution!

Of course, it’s very difficult when each person had his own family, his own rules, and now he’s building new family, naturally focuses on his previous experience, that is, the family where he grew up. Of course, all families are different, therefore their experiences are different, and as a result, problems arise due to divergent views.

The ideal option is to discuss with your future spouse at least approximately who will be responsible for what in your new family, everyone must say what is important to him and without this he cannot live, etc. Unfortunately, now this moment has been missed and everyone is trying to establish their own rules and unwritten laws in their own way.

The most important thing you must do is learn to negotiate. All yours life together still to come, you not only need to live happily, but you also need to raise your baby in harmony and love. This is very important point, looking at her mom and dad, she will form an idea of ​​​​the female and male roles in relationships, so you and your wife now have a double responsibility: to build your relationship so that everyone feels comfortable and good at home, to lay the foundations for your daughter for her future family.

There are various options for how you can work through your inconsistency; first, try to just sit down yourself and, without emotions or the desire to “win,” try to write down on paper the difficulties that you encounter. Write down by area who does what, who should do what, try to look at this list both objectively and find compromise options.

I'm sure you good husband and you help your wife, but something went wrong... most likely if you ask her, she will also say what she doesn’t like, plus your daughter is still very small, which means that most likely your wife spends She has a lot of time and gets very tired. You did not describe the situation: who works, who is with the child, what and how, but most often dads work, they have a bright social life(although of course they are also very tired), and mothers are at home, have the same schedule, all attention is on the child, there is no time to rest, moral tension and depression begins. Perhaps it’s also difficult for your wife now, she cannot express her emotions correctly and is simply trying to make her life a little easier by introducing her own rules.

You definitely need to talk with your wife, with pen and paper, constructively, write down each: what is important to you, how you see the rules in your family (not in the families in which you grew up, but in the family that you create), relationships with relatives, celebrating the New Year, birthdays, etc. Find compromise solutions on these issues, at some point she will give in, at some point you will... If you can’t figure it out on your own, contact a specialist, there is a way out, you have connected your life with this person, given birth to a child, you have something to give fight!

I wish you to learn to negotiate, to be able to give in on something, and sometimes to show persistence, the main thing is that respect and love always prevail in your relationships. Family is the most important thing a person has, take care of it, fight for it and of course be happy in it, I’m sure you can come to an agreement with your loved one.

4.6666666666667 Rating 4.67 (3 Votes)