Someone’s home is clean and tidy: everything is in its place and every little thing has its place. But there are houses where they only dream about it, and all attempts to make it shine end the same way: there is chaos among things, and nothing reminds of the recent cleaning. So what is the reason?
What does science say about keeping your home tidy?
Of course, those who are very interested in our glorious past say with confidence that maintaining cleanliness in the house was embedded in women in the subcortex of the brain by their distant ancestors. Based on these arguments, it turns out that from time immemorial women did nothing but store in the corners everything that their valiant breadwinners dragged into the house. Why then the reluctance of some women to maintain cleanliness? It turns out that the ancestors of these lovely women were also not particularly homely. Otherwise, there is simply no logic in this approach.
However, there is another approach that is more suitable for those, who are more busy with their careers and work than . Women who are forced to stay at home for some reason begin to realize themselves there. For them, a neatly hung towel or cleanly ironed linen on a hanger in the closet is the ultimate dream. They always smell like delicious dishes, the carpets are cleaned, the parquet floors are shiny, and the cat has a little bow on her head.
At the same time, lovely representatives of the fair sex, who are immersed in work, devote a minimum of time and effort to the house. Why do something you don't get paid for? Perhaps this is the reason for the chaos in your home. Although in any chaos there is always order. Perhaps this helps to find exactly what you need in a heap of unknowns.
A mess in the closet and a mess in the head
Are you tired of the mess in your home? And you want to get rid of it? Then you have to start with yourself. Oddly enough, what is around you directly reflects the world that is inside you. Therefore, it is better to implement the desire to end the disorder in your life consistently.
Of course, the pile of papers on the table has its own sacred meaning. But is everything that lies there really so necessary? The same applies to . Why are those from whom you “grew” long ago there? But there are more than half of them, and they take up space that could be given to something else. Which, by the way, for some reason never found its place in your house, and therefore is lying around in heaps.
So, the first step towards order in the house is the elimination of everything superfluous and unnecessary. And don’t think that cleaning is a simple matter and you can easily handle it in a day. It will take you hours to disassemble the closet. What if he is not alone in the house? That’s why, first of all, sort out the contents of chests of drawers, cabinets and mezzanines. Here, get ready to be ruthless and callous. Because the blouse you wore on your first date can cause a storm of emotions. And putting it in a box marked “throw away” will be very difficult.
By the way, about boxes. For those who are not familiar with the film "Sex in big city", it should be said, and others should be reminded that The best way Dealing with your closets means taking three boxes and labeling them as follows: for storage, throw away and leave. In the first, you put something that, for whatever reason, is not suitable for you now, but will definitely be needed in the near future. The second group does not need any explanation, however, like the last one. After such sorting, only those items that were included in the “keep” and “for storage” boxes should go back into the closet. Just lay them out in such a way that they don’t get mixed up. The second point of cleaning will be things that are outside the closets. They should be sorted into in a certain order to the vacant seats. Once the space in your apartment has become larger, it's time to deal with dust and dirt.
After such cleaning, as after a successful diet, the most important thing is to do it again, that is, again not to become overgrown with heaps of dirt, dust and all kinds of things. And to do this, try to put everything in its place. But if habit is paramount, then equip your home with special decorative baskets where you will put all your things. Then such baskets are much easier to disassemble.
And most importantly, accustom yourself to order. Although this is the most difficult of all that is described above.
Psychology of disorder: external and internal reasons mess in the apartment and how to deal with it
As practice shows, the cleanliness of most people’s homes leaves much to be desired. Moreover, many do not realize the reasons for the disorder in the house, because they seem to be cleaning with enviable regularity, but for some reason clothes and household items are still instantly moved to other places, and treacherous lumps of dust accumulate in the corners. Why is there a mess at home and most importantly, how to deal with it?
Many people say that with the birth of a child you can say goodbye to order in the house. Some say this with disappointment, others with warmth. Indeed, children bring into our lives great amount changes. And they are largely to blame for why the house is a mess. But you shouldn’t blame your baby for things being scattered around the house, dust not being wiped off, or dishes not being washed. There are a lot of reasons for a mess, starting from banal laziness and ending with mental illness. Blaming a child for the reasons for the mess is simple and very convenient, because then you don’t need to change anything: you don’t need to work on yourself, you don’t need to look for real reasons and eradicate them.
The reasons why the house is always a mess can be divided into internal and external. Depending on which cause prevails, you can select adequate actions to eliminate it.
External causes of constant chaos in the apartment and how to deal with it
To get started, learn how to get rid of clutter in your home caused by external reasons. They can be much easier to fix than internal ones.
1. I don’t like the house or apartment.
"Home Sweet Home…". Every woman dreams of saying this phrase, looking around her two-story mansion with a terrace, and winter garden. But what to do if you have to fight clutter in a rented one-room apartment?
As you can see in the photo, there is a mess in small house much more noticeable than in huge mansions:
Many women feel the need to own home, family nest and do not want to restore order and comfort in an apartment or in a house from which they plan to move out after a while. They don’t feel like full-fledged housewives here, and they simply don’t understand why do something if it won’t last long.
How to fight?
What to do if the mess in the house is due to its microscopic dimensions, when there is simply no room to properly arrange things? “There is nothing more permanent than temporary,” someone wise said. It is unknown how long you will have to live in this house - maybe one month, or maybe more than one year. Agree, not washing or washing curtains for such a long time is not very good for the health of the whole family. Yes, we cannot change the color, but we can hang paintings and photographs to create home environment. Yes, we can’t throw out the owner’s old skis, but we can put a pot of flowers and herbs on it.
Life is today. This awareness is difficult, but it helps you enjoy exactly what is happening now, what surrounds you at this particular moment. You can create comfort and a truly homely atmosphere even in a train carriage, let alone the beautiful apartment in which you now live.
2. I don’t like furniture or storage systems.
Many people say: “If I had a dressing room, my things would always be in order.” Or: “We have such a small kitchen, let’s order a new one (add a balcony, tear down a wall), then it will be clean.”
Oh this subjunctive mood! How many people does it stop from taking decisive action!
How to fight?
What to do if your home is a mess because you are missing comfortable places for storing things?
- Make the most of all available space.
- Organize storage areas correctly and functionally.
- Use non-standard and unusual ways organization of space (in addition to cabinets and shelves, there are also baskets, boxes, boxes, hangers, hooks and much more).
- Take a stroll through furniture and construction stores and you will be able to organize your space in such a way that you will always want to keep it clean.
3. I don't like my surroundings.
Two or more housewives on one - a big problem for many young and not so young families. If there are strained relationships in the family, if you are afraid of doing something wrong, then, ultimately, you don’t do anything at all. Dividing the apartment into separate zones: I wash half the corridor, and my mother washes the other half - does not contribute to order and harmony.
How to fight?
How to deal with a mess in an apartment if you don’t like the environment with which you have to live under the same roof? Live apart! Eh, it's easy to say, but it's not easy paying off a mortgage for 25 years. If you can’t make your own family nest, then you need to try to build friendly and constructive relationships with those who live in the same house with you. To help you, heart-to-heart conversations over a cup of tea with buns, delimitation of powers and areas of responsibility, respectful attitude to the older generation and patience.
Look at the photo - it’s easier to clean up the mess in the house together:
The psychology of clutter in the house: internal causes and how to get rid of them
Internal reasons constant chaos in the apartment lies not in external environment and our environment, but in ourselves: our habits and characteristics, upbringing and perception of the world, ourselves and home.
1. Laziness.
It is believed that laziness is one of the most common causes of clutter in the house. This is exactly what most women think. However, behind this little word there are many other deeper concepts and conditions that prevent us from “flying” around the house with a vacuum cleaner and a rag with a smile. Laziness is not main reason, but only a symptom.
What can be hidden behind the feeling when you don’t want to do anything?
Fatigue. How often do we confuse laziness with banal fatigue! Run to work, cook lunch, work out with the children, pay attention to your husband, don’t forget about your favorite hobby, report on the work done on self-development in in social networks, and you also need to run to your mom’s and help your friend with the move, and after all this, you still want to put things in order in your child’s toys and polish the floors with a sparkle in your eyes? We doubt that anyone can do this!
Physical fatigue can manifest itself in very specific symptoms: headaches, drowsiness or, conversely, insomnia, joint pain, digestive problems.
Much more insidious is psychological fatigue, when the heap of work makes you want to crawl under the covers and sleep, sleep, sleep... Lack of interest in anything, apathy, mood swings, tearfulness - this is exactly how our body reacts if we cannot cope with emotions, problems, tasks.
Lack of motivation. Very often we are too lazy to do something because we don’t understand why we need it.
Lack of interest. Most often we are too lazy to do things that are not interesting to us. When you are not interested in something, you do it through force, the body resists activity that is meaningless, from its point of view, and laziness sets in.
Laziness as a manifestation of the “excellent student complex”. An inveterate perfectionist reasons like this: “If I can’t do something perfectly and 100%, then it’s not worth taking on.”
How to fight?
What to do if your home is constantly a mess, and it is caused by your own laziness? First, find out what is hidden behind it. If it’s fatigue, then you should start with your health. Get examined by doctors, change your diet to a healthier one, engage in moderate physical activity, get more rest, and have “do nothing” days.
If the matter is a lack of interest and motivation, then you need to take care to find in household chores positive points, attractive aspects for you, or to start motivating yourself by going to a cafe or beauty salon.
The “excellent student complex” must be combated systematically and ruthlessly. First, you need to learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes and allow yourself to be “imperfect.” You need to learn to enjoy not only the result, but also the process of household chores itself. Under no circumstances should you compare yourself with anyone, especially with some non-existent ideal. You are real normal person, allow yourself to make small mistakes and mistakes.
2. Disorganization.
“I can’t clear the rubble on the balcony because I don’t have enough time!” Irrational use time is the scourge of many housewives. Instead of paying attention to the house, we watch the next TV series; instead of cleaning up and finally getting rid of old and broken toys, we spend hours on end on social networks.
How to fight?
Realize that the time we waste will never come back! Conduct a detailed timekeeping of the day (preferably over several weeks) to find out where we spend our precious time. Master planning and organization systems. Don't blame everything on the fact that you - creative person, and all these frameworks and plans do not suit you at all. They'll do! You just need to experiment a little and make an effort to find or create your own housekeeping system.
3. Perfectionism.
“Now I’ll put everything on the shelves, and the child will come running and scatter everything - no, it’s better not to bother at all.” We want to do everything 100%, we want ours to be as clean as our friend’s, who has no children at all or has already grown up. A job done halfway or even 70% is perceived by us as a disaster, and self-criticism begins: I’m such a bad housewife.
How to fight?
Minimum plan and maximum plan. When planning your affairs, try to always make two lists: a minimum plan and a maximum plan (you can make one list, but highlight the minimum plan in color or something else). If you manage to complete the first of them, and this is not difficult to do, because it only includes really important and necessary things, praise yourself and tell yourself what a wonderful, organized and successful housewife you are. If you have the strength, time and desire to work more, then proceed to the maximum plan and do not reproach yourself when this fails, because the main part of what was planned has been completed!
What if…? When starting a project or business, ask yourself: what if I can’t handle it? What happens if, for example, I fail to make the most delicious fish pie, like my grandmother?
Answer options could be:
- we will be left without lunch (but we can reheat yesterday’s soup);
- my husband will again make fun of my culinary abilities (it doesn’t matter, he does this lovingly and always delicately);
- Quite expensive fish will be spoiled (hmm, maybe then it’s better to use canned food first?);
- and so on.
Having painted a picture of failure in your head, you will understand that the world will not collapse, no one will scold you, you will be able to move on with your life and cook fish pies.
We're slacking off for one day. Psychologists who work with perfectionists advise having a “hack day” once a week. For example, don’t cook a three-course meal, but simply fry potatoes or cook dumplings. It's important to make sure that the world doesn't turn upside down if we do something without giving it our all.
Once you become familiar with the main internal and external causes of clutter, you will find something to do, for example, write down those that apply specifically to you in the table below and come up with a plan to combat them.
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Why is my apartment a mess? |
How will I deal with this? |
Mess in the house - just a reflection of our inner life. We are sure of this Melva Green And Lauren Rosenfield, authors of the book “Breathe freely. How a messy home can help you sort yourself out". It is useless to study storage systems; it is not enough to be able to do so. In order for order to reign in the house, you need a careful analysis of all the accumulated rubbish, leisurely cleaning, during which you can not only part with unnecessary things, but also create space for a new life.
At its core, decluttering is a deep spiritual practice that helps you get closer to the people you love and to yourself.
We have selected several universal tips from the book that will help you make your home cozy and find spiritual harmony.
Create word symbols for each room
Any room in the house - it is not only a functional room where we eat, sleep, wash, work or communicate with household members and guests. This is also our small universe, the center of our unique life. There must be something special, attractive about her.
Before you start cleaning, the book's authors advise choosing at least three symbol words for each room that describe the atmosphere you want to create in them. For example, words for the bedroom - "rest, relaxation, love", for the kitchen - “creativity, inspiration, comfort”, for the living room - “communication, light, peace.” Such formulations will help in the cleaning process: after all, it is important not only to get rid of the trash, but also to decide what exactly you want to achieve.
Creating atmosphere becomes the goal of designers and architects. You should approach your home space the same way.
Take a look at the interior from the outside
In order to clearly understand what items and things you should get rid of, Melva Green and Lauren Rosenfield suggest doing several simple but very effective exercises.
For the hallway: walk out the door and then walk in as if you were a first-time guest. What's the first thing that catches your eye? What feeling comes over you? What prevents you from experiencing positive emotions? Remove those things that turned out to be “unnecessary” and caused discomfort. Head out the door again. Do this until you realize that the hallway is filled with life and not with trash.
For the kitchen: take your favorites cookbooks and plan a dinner that would be a real celebration. Don’t deny yourself anything, think through every dish. Once you've planned your menu, go through each recipe and get out all the tools you need to prepare that dinner: pots, bowls, blenders, spatulas. Lay it out on the table. And take a break. If that's all you need for the perfect dinner, why do you need the rest?
Throw away unnecessary items with compassion.
As with any business, it is important for cleaning the right attitude. The authors of the book advise not to treat the process as a battle for life and death: “Under the influence of adrenaline, we cannot act competently and think intelligently.” It's best to treat unnecessary things with delicate participation and even sympathy. You can even talk to them kindly, “How did you get here?”, “Let’s get out of here and get you back to where you belong.”
When touching a thing, try to evoke in your soul the sympathy you feel for a lost child. To some objects you will say, “You are in the wrong room. I know where you will feel better." Such things are sent to the “relocate” box. You will address others with the words: “You have wandered too far. This is not the place for you, but I know we will find you a home.” These items go into the “charity” box.
Avoid negative emotions
There are only two types of emotions - absorbing (negative) and replenishing (positive). The goal of decluttering is to keep an eye on consuming emotions and prevent them from materializing in the home.
How many things do you keep to yourself because of guilt, regret, anxiety and fear? It is extremely important to understand how much space these emotions take up in life. If we intend to get rid of them, we must know what power they have over us. Now take these things away: donate them, recycle them, send them to a landfill. The choice is yours, but you must say goodbye to the consuming emotions that these things cause!
Don't leave secret places
Everyone has places in their home where mountains of junk are hidden from prying eyes. You must pull out the contents of all hiding places, deal with them and never hide anything anywhere again. No matter how much you want it. There simply shouldn’t be any “secret” places in the house.
You need to rid your home and your life of dubious things. It’s not enough to put them out of sight. They will remain in my thoughts. Even if no one knows about their existence, these things will consume you.
Don't be afraid of empty space
Most people are afraid of empty space in the house, even a small one: emptiness is perceived as a flaw. "We're willing to bet that your home - be it a studio apartment with an area of twenty-seven square meters or a huge mansion - stuffed with things - written by Melva Green and Lauren Rosenfield. - Every flat surface is covered with objects. Each box is filled with different little things. Every closet is full. Nothing surprising. From an early age we see that this is how these spaces are used. It seems unnatural to do otherwise. We are so used to this that we instinctively fill any empty space.”
And, indeed, if we find an unoccupied space, the first thing we do is - we find something to occupy him or even worse - We mindlessly fill it up with a bunch of rubbish. But try to leave it as is, free and breathing. After all, you're not making room for things.
Stick with the idea that not every space needs to be cluttered or filled with something.
It’s rare that anyone remains indifferent when they see a clean, tastefully decorated home. Such a house evokes thoughts of comfort and harmony. However, there are quite a few of us who find it difficult or even impossible to maintain order in the house. Living with this reality every day, the owners experience a spectrum of all kinds of feelings - from shame to complete apathy. But there remain those who, without losing hope, try to understand the mysteries of their own or others’ behavior.
A few years ago, I was seriously puzzled by this question. IN total I've counted 12 reasons why a mess can take root in your home, and most of them are really related to psychological problems. So let's get started!
1. You are easy not taught to keep the house in order. This is not psychology, but a completely everyday skill that parents should have instilled in their children according to science. Most likely, in most of our families, cleaning was carried out using the “all-hands-on-deck” method, that is, “The guests are coming!”, “I’ll finally throw away this trash!” or “Aren’t you ashamed to be covered in dirt?!” This is a destructive approach to establishing order and only a few know about the existence of techniques for order and cleanliness. And further smaller number are able to methodically pass this technique on to their descendants.
2. Emotional immaturity
. It's already closer to psychological problems. What is needed for a complete physical development many people know. These are nutrition, sports, sun and other physical factors. What does it take for a child to develop emotionally? The question is more difficult! Meanwhile, with early childhood the child must be taught to think that he is a full-fledged member of society, who is able to take care of himself and others. In practice, often everyday tasks, such as washing dishes, for example, are used for punishment purposes, which creates negative attitude to work. Or, on the contrary, the child is protected from any household responsibilities in favor of study or, even worse, entertainment: “He will still have time to work hard.” This the right way raise an over-aged child who will take time off from work whenever possible.
3. Attention to your person- the first full-fledged sign psychological inferiority! Or one more children's way manipulation. “I can’t put on my socks!”, “I can’t heat up dinner!”, “I can’t find my gloves!” - “Oh, my good one - let me put it on, warm it up, and find it!” And in adulthood this turns to large scale: money is lost, bills are not paid, soup turns sour on the stove. In general, in any way I need to show that I am helpless, and therefore I need a “nanny” who will clean, find, serve for me.
4. Protest- this is another “hello” from childhood. Destructive ways discipline, in which rigidity, inconsistency or aggression predominated, can result in teenage rebellion. Often this rebellion migrates into adulthood under the slogan: “I’m already an adult, I live as I want.” And “I want” in defiance of the parent, that is, in disorder. Thus, a person of this type continues to prove with his chaos that he has the right to disobey his parents. Of course, there is also emotional immaturity at play here.
5. Family stereotype It can also prevent a person from sorting out his home. If people have lived in chaos for generations, while maintaining a favorable emotional climate, a person needs the same chaos to feel at home.
6. Lack of ownership(toys, clothes, books) in childhood contributes to hoarding in adult life. A person experiences a subconscious fear of returning again to a state of lack of everything, so he does not part with what he has accumulated, although it is unnecessary.
7. Attachment to the past also prevents a person from parting with rubble in the house. Every thing in their life is like a good friend who is painful to part with. Afraid of losing touch with the past, such people often fear the future.
8.Dislike of housing blocks all attempts to start a clean life. Often the state of a rented apartment or life with the spouse’s parents is very depressing. No wonder, rarely does anyone want to invest in someone else’s property or adapt to old people’s customs.
9. If you didn't teach yourself to respect yourself- this is another path not only to trash, but also to sloppiness in appearance. Main argument, a person who does not respect himself: “Yes, it will suit me too!” If you at least sometimes use this phrase, most likely you should learn a little more about self-esteem, then order will come to your house faster.
10. Emotional experiences
do not allow a person to live in cleanliness and comfort. “I throw things around as if under hypnosis,” admits 30-year-old Anya. “I absolutely don’t understand how this comes out!” In a state of emotional crisis, a person’s priorities shift. Negative thoughts and feelings should have their place - like any object in the house - used and then put away out of sight. If you forgot to clean or didn’t want to, then both negative experiences and disorder in the house begin to fill our lives. Thus, when we stop “putting things in order in our heads,” we stop putting things in order in our house.
11. Depression- this is a disease characterized by a decrease in mental and physical activity. With depression, a person loses motivation, which leads to cluttering the house, and cluttering the house, in turn, makes the house even more depressed.
12. Mental problems
a frequent companion of an unkempt house. For example, the so-called “Plyushkin syndrome” is considered incurable. A person carries mainly all sorts of rubbish from the trash heap, until his home is completely filled. This is the most extreme and perhaps hopeless case.
The best part is that most causes of chronic clutter in the home can be overcome! Each case requires individual approach and decent motivation, but it is possible to accustom yourself to order.
