“Judge not, lest ye be judged...” Today there is little life left in this phrase. The flywheel of condemnation is still working at full capacity. Is it possible to slow down its progress and save humanity from the destructive power of criticism and gossip?
Condemnation from a psychological point of view is a concentrate of aggression and destruction
How to resist a wave of accusations against relatives, colleagues, passers-by, celebrities? And is it necessary? After all, I really want to express my opinion. Help people become better, smarter, more successful. Remember through other people's situations life principles and become more firmly established in them.
Criticism and condemnation often have a positive motive. They come from the desire to show “how it’s right.” Sometimes healthy, reasonable comments actually contribute to the growth of all participants in the “conflict.” But the reality is that most people attack each other aggressively. We teach someone life from the position of “I’m smarter than you,” forgetting that people are different, like snowflakes, with their own unique experience behind the back.
Blame is a meaningless struggle for non-existent correctness. We evaluate a person in our coordinate systems, but will he agree with us? The reaction to judgment amounts to indifference at best. More often than not, the “victim” begins to get angry. She may understand that she is wrong, inexperienced and makes the wrong decisions. But when she is attacked with lectures, even with good intentions, rejection occurs.
When we begin to judge, we take on the wave of another person’s negative emotions and fire back at them. Everyone begins to defend their positions, trying to prick their opponent as painfully as possible. Harsh criticism and accusation lead to destruction. And it's not just about human relationships.
Your personality suffers, breaking down from the addiction to monitoring the lives of other people. It is more difficult to observe yourself; it is unpleasant to admit your mistakes. One's own life becomes a backyard, and the person himself is no longer in it. main character. In addition they add eternal problems with time, self-determination and health.
Every day they go through a critic negative events, living someone else’s unpleasant experience. This cannot but affect the physical and mental state. Illness, failure in business and bad mood become constant guests of those who are addicted to condemnation.
How to stop judging people: peace begins with you
To move from a negative to a positive and become a happy, conscious person, recognize the “mirror principle” - everything that we see around us is our reflection. The world consists of thoughts and assessments that are stored in our heads.
Therefore, if you are about to judge someone, remember where in your life you are hiding similar situation? Do you blame someone else for something that you yourself could not overcome with dignity?
It's difficult to be able to see your dark side in another person. You always want to quickly shake off someone's dust and throw dirt after it.
But what if we changed the approach?
What if you look deep into yourself and know your demon? Shake his hand, accept his imperfections and learn to live together, helping each other. Know yourself completely and love yourself for who you are. This will help you improve your relationship with yourself, and therefore with those around you.
Read more about dark side in our video:
Accept whoever you are. It will become easier for you to understand other people's problems and understand their motives. With acceptance comes understanding: everyone acts as best they can, based on their knowledge.
Open up and learn new things
Criticism, accusation, gossip are born from a lack of knowledge. Try to view events and people with different sides. Study other cultures, ask your interlocutor clarifying questions. Learn more about the world around you.
Sympathize
When a person makes mistakes and, in your opinion, behaves incorrectly, turn off the blame. Put your inner judge to bed and bring out the compassionate part of yourself.
Try to understand what led your neighbor to drunkenness, and what little Hitler lacked to grow up not so cruel. We often judge people for lacking love and support. And by their actions they are trying to get a lack of attention.
Be flexible in being right.
Check yourself - are you too constrained by the framework of your beliefs? “It has to be this way and nothing else. Anyone who deviates from the course is to be shot.” This is the position of many critics.
In order not to judge, you need to soften your conservatism, become more flexible and learn to accept the other side. It is not necessary to convert to a different faith or do the same things. You don't even have to love the person you accused. It's enough to let it be. And calmly move on.
Make your own opinion, don't use shortcuts
What is gossip? One person tells unpleasant stories about someone. And his interlocutor actively nods his head and begins to think in the same way. Don't be swayed by other people's opinions about people and events. Make up your own, talk to the “bad” person, find out his idea of the situation. Let's say NO to stereotypes and labels!
Unite
You don’t like someone, and you really want to teach him about life, point out his shortcomings? Start thinking in a different direction. Find common ground. Common interests, similar habits, worldview, same passion, related professions. Uniting leaves no room for judgment. You shift your focus to the positive and forget about criticism.
Returning energy by giving up gossip
When you let go of judgment, especially among your girlfriends, you give yourself a luxurious gift. Gossip takes away feminine energy. During such conversations, it seems as if liberation has occurred and I have spoken out. But later you feel emptiness, apathy, you don’t want to do things, the world seems dull...
Turn off this energy tap. There's no point in wasting it feminine powers, when you need them for yourself, creativity, home, loved ones.
Remember the marathon “A world without complaints”? You had to wear the purple bracelet for a month. As soon as complaints and gossip begin, put it on the other hand. Organize a marathon like this for yourself. Involve your girlfriends so that you can control each other and not return to the old swamp. Or give yourself a fine for gossip and, in case of failure, pay it to your husband. These mindfulness marches will change your life.
Every time you want to blame, criticize, teach someone about life, stop. Ask yourself the question: “Why am I doing this? What benefit will my words bring to this person?” Look at your interlocutor from the position of an equal, remember that he sees the world differently. Learn to respect other people as much as you respect yourself. Then there will be no room for judgment in your life.
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Natalya Trefilova about the program "Strategy of Female Blossom"
I listen to the program “Strategies for Female Flourishing”, as they say, avidly.
Sometimes I jump to the ceiling from the overflow of feelings. Everything seems simple, but what a relationship, one follows from the other. We often wonder why this happens to us, but asking the right questions, and most importantly, by answering them truthfully, everything falls into place and everything is clear.
Ekaterina, how much valuable information you give in each session. The training helped me look at the world in a new way, switch gears, believe in the best and continue to build your life. Thank you
Zinaida Izmalkina about the program "Strategy of Female Blossom"
I started working on myself with fear, would I be able to cope, would it be necessary... But then I realized that only myself needed changes in life, so I decided to become bigger responsible And disciplined. And I started to get a buzz from the sensations)))
Today I manage to start the day with positive, and it's very inspiring.
Along with a positive attitude, I began to have thoughts that life would become whole and colorful. There is not a second of boredom, etc. troubles. There are so many interesting things happening around.
When you live in daily enjoyment of everything that happens, you don’t cling to: blues, depression, despondency. The vampires fly away good people come, the spent connections fall off on their own. Things get done without stress. You can and should enjoy life, it’s good for your health)))
I can feel it. Thank you, Katya.
Elza Akhmadullina about the program "Strategy of Female Blossom"
We all come to “Strategy” different roads. And even if they followed a similar path to someone else, they still didn’t notice each other. We all had one feature - a lowered head.
We watched our step so as not to get our shoes dirty. And when we graduate, we look into the sky, because only by the stars can you find the Dream of Your Whole Life!
Girls, my huge Gratitude You for talking to me, advising me and telling me where I might be wrong.
Katya and everyone who prepared and guided us through the project - my admiration and respect for your work! For your patience in response to our whining, for your toughness in order to push us forward, for life advice And a simple desire to make you smile)))))
THANK YOU!!! Wish, believe and do!!! Trust yourself!!! Each of us is the whole world!!!
Anna Ponomarenko about the program "Strategy of Female Blossom"
I'm like after a cold shower))
I knew before that no one owed me anything, that gratitude was good, that it was stupid to demand that others see the world through my eyes. I knew that happiness was in our hands, but it sounded somehow abstract. Now everything has become tangible. I began to feel life to the point of trembling and appreciate every minute. And now mine the main task- have time to be happy every day.
I stopped accumulating knowledge and started practicing. She changed her approach to men, money, and stopped blaming others for her failures. And, lo and behold! People with whom I was offended, etc. “change” in an amazing way.
Tatyana Maksimova about the program "Strategy of Female Blossom"
The “Feminine Flourishing Strategy” course helped me realize that God has no other hands than mine. I I trust Universe and I feel how this connection is growing every day.
I felt a state of quiet joy and acceptance. I see almost no obstacles in my path. And if I see them, I can eliminate them quickly enough.
I became adult and took it 100% responsibility for your life. Now I'm getting used to living in a new way. And I'm terribly interested in what will happen ahead.
Thanks to the course and Katyusha)
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It is likely that your upbringing instilled in you a feeling of your own insignificance. The child himself does not know what he is like. He believes his parents, what they say becomes the truth for him. What did your mom and dad tell you about you? How were your achievements and failures assessed, what goals were set for you?
I think I was loved. I was the first and very long-awaited child (before me, my mother gave birth to a stillborn girl). She was born weak, through caesarean section. I only remember that my mother sometimes criticized my appearance - she said that I was too thin and that my legs were thin (I still hide my legs under my trousers). She also didn’t like that I was too shy. Dad never reproached. He was very good man, just drank heavily. As a child, I was embarrassed by him sometimes. For example, I was ashamed to take him home drunk if he was lying on the street. His mother and grandmother brought him, I never followed him. I was also embarrassed by my mother. I wanted her to be young, beautifully dressed, well-groomed... This is idiocy, considering how my mother lived - an alcoholic husband, three children, work at a factory...
As for goals and objectives, I don’t remember anyone talking to me about this topic. I was quite independent and decided for myself which club to go to, who to be friends with, what profession to choose, how to study. My lessons were never checked, I was never scolded for my grades, I studied well, but not because I was forced to, I simply couldn’t do it any other way. She was the head of the class, at the summer camp - the chairman of the detachment, the council of the squad (if anyone remembers).
As far back as I can remember, I have always been jealous of someone. One of early memories. Once I went to christmas tree, I was about 6 or 7 years old. There was one girl, very pretty, cheerful, smiling, who ran up to Santa Claus, recited a poem, and he gave her some kind of gift. She took the gift to her mother, and again ran up to Santa Claus, again recited the poem and again received the gift. And so on several times. I stood still and could not bring myself to approach Santa Claus. I was shying. I wanted him to come to me himself, then I would tell him. I stood and watched as other children casually ran up, snatching candy and toys, until the gifts ran out. At that moment I wanted to be like that girl, I envied her lightness. Besides, she had a very beautiful dress, a real New Year’s costume, and I had a simple blue dress, and underneath it was my mother’s lace blouse, on which my mother sewed tinsel, as if I were a little girl. So I left without a gift. I remember I was still indignant at her behavior. After all, this is wrong - she already received the gift, why is she running after it again? And Santa Claus? What, he doesn’t remember that he already gave a gift to this girl? Why doesn’t he tell her: they’ve already given it to you, get out of here? Why doesn’t this girl think about other children, because now they won’t get a gift? How is she not ashamed? But at the same time, I wanted to be just like her - beautiful, arrogant, elegant.
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Gossiping is the lot of the majority, which usually does not lead to anything good.
If you feel that gossip is clogging or ruining your life, then you should get rid of it. bad habit and clear your thoughts unnecessary information. But how to stop this endless and useless flow of information?
What it is
Gossip literally means "to talk about someone." Often such conversations take place behind the back of the person being discussed and carry not entirely reliable information. Rarely does anyone think that a seemingly harmless conversation, which was embellished by the interlocutor, can harm a person.
Fake information, and even more so, said behind one’s back, can destroy one’s reputation, destiny, career, or destroy trust.
Therefore, gossip has always been condemned and considered an inappropriate tone, used by primitive and superficial individuals.
Gossip is not only false. Reliable information is often conveyed. But this in no way justifies the person who talks behind their back.
By an absurd accident, the narrator may incorrectly emotionally color the news, which will give it a completely different color. In addition, the more gossip is passed on, the more it becomes distorted.
If you feel that you are very carried away by gossip and it is ruining your life, try to eradicate this habit as soon as possible.
What is the “diagnosis” of gossipers?
All of us, without exception, have a relationship with gossip. But while some can simply listen to the information and keep it to themselves, others strive with all their might to convey the news to the masses. What distinguishes a gossip among his interlocutors and what is the reason?
Psychologists distinguish several types:
People who are afraid of loneliness
Lonely people fill the void with gossip; it is not enough for them to exchange dry everyday information, and for some reason there are no loved ones, so they have to observe the lives of strangers and discuss it with others.
People with low self-esteem
Usually such people like to discuss precisely the shortcomings of a person, or the sad situation that has developed in life in someone else’s family.
People who suffer from lack of attention
To attract attention to themselves, such people resort to discussing the failures of others; this may concern both life situations, and a person’s appearance.
People with emotional deficits
To fill their emotional emptiness, such people enjoy discussing other people's passions and becoming involved in them, even for a moment.
People who do not have their own personal lives often start gossiping.
However, this habit does not only apply to women. Men may also experience emotional deficits or lack of attention. For the most part, if gossip is not a human pathology, then the urge to “chat” comes from boredom and the lack of important things to do.
Victims
“They talk behind your back - that means you’re ahead” - everyone famous expression, which quite succinctly and truthfully reveals the reason for the gossip.
Think about it, no one will spread rumors about a person who has achieved nothing, who has done nothing interesting or intriguing. Most often, it is out of envy that conversations behind one's back appear.
Of course, a gossip will focus only on a person’s shortcomings, emphasizing his mistakes and failures. But if a gossiper starts talking about someone, it means that person has offended him with his actions and behavior. Perhaps just out of envy.
Sometimes gossip spreads only because of a lack of information about a person.
For example, a new colleague in the office. People simply begin to notice the characteristics of the new person, his appearance and words, and draw their own personal conclusions, which they share with the entire team.
How to break the habit
To stop gossiping you need to:
- Restrain yourself from gossip. To begin with, just try not to talk about people behind their backs. If there is a conversation about someone, change the topic of discussion.
- Say only good things. If you want to discuss someone, it’s better to talk about good qualities man, if you can’t, it’s better to remain silent.
- Protect communication with the gossiper. Bad habit contagious, you should not communicate with a person who is always full of gossip. It is possible that such a person is discussing you behind your back.
- Develop yourself. When there is an opportunity to talk about music, cinema and books, there is no time or interest for empty chatter and gossip.
- Get away from negativity. If there is a person you often want to complain about, minimize your communication, then you won’t have to complain about him behind his back.
What to do if someone gossips about you
There are situations when a person simply didn’t like you or fell for a typical gossip, then, alas, you cannot escape the rumors. But a couple of tips will help you approach the situation correctly and wisely.
- Don't find out the problem in public if you don't know who the gossip is. Most likely, at such a moment, emotions and an inexorable interest in who started the rumors and why prevail. But a showdown will only reveal you with negative side and will add even more rumors.
- Conversation with a gossip. If you know exactly who started the rumors, then you should ask the person personally about the reason for such conversations. It’s better to do this in front of someone, then the gossiper won’t be able to lie and embellish again.
- Ignore. When you don’t have time for something as stupid as gossip, you shouldn’t pay attention to it. If you are asked questions and find out the veracity of rumors, change the topic. This way you show that there is no interest in gossip and does not offend you in any way. It is boring to gossip about such people, so the rumors will soon be forgotten.
- Are you kidding?. The best way to annoy a gossip - to turn the gossip into a joke. A person who is fueled by negativity will not be able to cope with such an onslaught of confidence and optimism.
Watch your words and behavior
Of course, rumors are bad and unpleasant. But sometimes they carry some truth. If you don't always notice how you can be rude while in bad mood, or commit a rash act, most likely, the fate of rumors awaits you.
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If you really like to gossip, then most likely you don’t ask yourself this question, because the question “to gossip or not” is not worth it for you. But there are also those people who analyze this phenomenon and understand all its disadvantages - starting with the fact that it is a waste of time and ending with the fact that gossip harms people because it conveys information unreliably, spoils the reputation of innocent people, and destroys relationships and careers. If you belong to the second category of people, there are ways, if not to get rid of gossip completely, then at least to make sure that there is less of it in your life.
First about myself
As a rule, people love to talk about themselves. But as soon as the conversations about themselves end, they move on to others. It is very important not to miss this moment. If all important issues The discussion is over, and your interlocutor has moved on to her neighbors, your colleagues and mutual acquaintances, just call it a day. So it's just time to end the conversation. And you won’t have to listen to endless stories about people you barely know, or discuss your own classmate.
Redirect the conversation to other topics
Let's say your friend is very interesting person. She has interesting job(whatever), but it just so happens that she is a gossip. As soon as you see that she starts talking about other people, ask about something that really interests you. And interesting things can be found in absolutely any job or hobby. In addition, you can learn really important and necessary information from your interlocutor. Feel free to interrupt. This can be done very carefully: “Lenochka, I’m sorry, I’ll interrupt you, but remember you talked about a good manicurist who lives in the center. Please tell me what kind of nails she does.”
Be positive
There are people literally saturated with negativity. No matter what topic you take, they start complaining. Do a good deed - try to direct the conversation with these people in a positive direction. For example, you can give a compliment or talk about some pleasant incident.
Discuss - this is how to discuss art
Of course, some people cannot live without discussing other people's lives. But in the end, you can discuss films and TV series. Here you can give free rein to emotions and analysis, and no one will get hurt. Don't be afraid to direct the person to such a conversation. Ask: “What TV series are you watching now?” And you will immediately find someone to discuss in this series.
Find a hobby
It has been subtly noticed that other people’s lives are discussed by people who have little going on in their own lives. So it’s not a problem at all to find something to do for the soul. Think about it: maybe you are really bored, since you are discussing a colleague’s new boyfriend or your former boss’s affair.
Eliminate communication with gossips
You can become infected by spreading gossip. Especially if someone regularly dumps a mountain of information on you about personal life other people. Such people can be found everywhere - in a team or in the neighborhood. As a result, spreading gossip can bog you down. To prevent this from happening, try to communicate less with people who spread gossip. The shorter the communication lasts, the less likely you are to pass on gossip to other people.
Limit your time limits
If you cannot get rid of the gossiper because she is your close relative or boss, try to at least reduce the time you spend gossiping. Let's say you can't interrupt the person right away. But after a couple of minutes of listening to the “main idea,” so to speak, you can do this without harming your relationship.
Links
- Gossiping is not good social network myJulia.ru
- 10 ways to make your life happier, social network myJulia.ru
Today I will start the conversation a little from afar. I would like to remind you of one situation that is familiar to every monk. Very often, when we pray at a rule or service and our heart is filled with love for God, we want to do something great for the sake of this love. And the Lord immediately responds to our desire and gives us the opportunity for achievement. But in what form? What feat is the most important, the most sublime for us?
The Lord places our neighbor before us. This neighbor is not like us. He has a different face, a different voice, different thoughts, different desires, different feelings. And by giving us this person, the Lord seems to be calling us: “Look, I am giving you what you wanted. Did you want to accomplish a feat for My sake? Here, I give it to you. Try to understand him, love him for who he is, accept him into your heart!”
This is the greatest and most important feat for us – the feat of evangelical communication with one’s neighbor, of gaining each person in his own heart.
What does it mean to covet your neighbor in your heart? This means making sure that when communicating with any person, our heart always remains disposed towards him, peaceful, so that not a single thought or hostility finds a place in our soul.
This is the height of virtue, the “totality of perfection.” And often this height seems unattainable to us. Loving everyone is something abstract, unrelated to our everyday life. But this is one of the biggest misconceptions! In reality, each of us can ascend to this height every hour, or even every minute. The number of times we meet our neighbor is the number of times we can show sublime love. In the most ordinary surroundings, in familiar everyday situations we can see the image of God in every person.
An excellent example of such a vision is given by Elder Sophrony (Sakharov):
“In the Panteleimon Monastery there was one old monk of very short stature. And for forty years he worked in the kitchen morning and evening, triumphant: he prepared food for people beloved by God Himself! You see how it is possible to place your mind and acquire such a disposition when the most ordinary deeds become a person’s eternal merits.”
Each of us can acquire the same disposition to always remain in love for our neighbors.
And now I want to ask you: why are we performing this feat? Not for the sake of virtue itself, because virtue is not an end in itself, but a means. And not for the sake of becoming moral and noble people. And not for the sake of looking decent in front of others and in front of ourselves. And for what? We do this in order to join the Divine life.
After all, what is the most amazing and great thing about God? His miracles? His omniscience? His power? All this amazes us, but according to the words of St. John Chrysostom, we do not marvel at any of this as much as we marvel at God’s love for mankind. And we, created in the image and likeness of God, are called to become like Him not by working miracles, seeing the future, or moving mountains. And what?
It is to accept every person into your heart. And no matter how we are - weak, careless, sinful - thanks to this feat we live in the image of Christ’s life.
Elder Emilian has wonderful words:
“No monastic brotherhood lives without love. Monks live because they love. Love is the imitation of Christ, because “He first loved us.”
And today in our conversation I would like to consider this great amazing feat which the Lord Jesus Christ showed us.
By His very birth, the Savior already teaches us not to condemn anyone. For He was pleased to be born of such a race, in which there were many sinful people, for example, the harlot Rahab, Tamar, who fell into the sin of incest, Solomon, who had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines and at the end of his life indulged in unbridled voluptuousness and fell into idolatry.
As St. John Chrysostom writes, “God not only took on our flesh and became man, but also deigned vicious people to be His relatives, not being ashamed at all of our vices... God combined with Himself an adulterous nature. So from the very beginning He showed that He does not disdain anything of ours, thereby teaching us not to be tempted by anything in our neighbors.”
And not only the birth, but also the entire earthly life of the Savior shows us an image of perfect non-judgment and love. We know that Christ was tempted to condemnation like no other man in the world. When the devil failed to tempt the Lord face to face in the desert, he tried to overcome Him in another way - he began to tempt Him through people.
Having failed to ensure that Christ violated the commandment to love God, the devil hoped that he would force Him to violate the commandment to love others. He tried to do everything to arouse at least one thought of condemnation in the Savior’s heart. He brought people before His eyes with all the vices and all the infirmities that humanity had accumulated since the first fall. He surrounded Him with human indifference, misunderstanding and ingratitude.
He aroused hatred towards Him in the hearts of people, inciting them to revile and humiliate Him. He seduced one of His closest disciples into betrayal, and finally arranged for people to betray Him to the most humiliating, shameful death. And yet he did not achieve his goal - the Savior’s heart was not darkened by even the slightest shadow of condemnation, nothing shook His love for people.
But having suffered this crushing defeat, the devil did not retreat, and now he is trying to overthrow the followers of Christ, and still one of his most terrible weapons is condemnation. In particular, he tempts with condemnation those who strive to live a Christ-like life - that is, us monastics.
In the life of one ascetic, Saint Nile, there is interesting case. When Neil was about to enter the monastery, the devil began to seduce him, wanting to turn him away from the monastic path. And what did he use to seduce him? He did not remind him of the beauties of earthly life, or of sin, or of pleasure, but tried to instill in him only one thought - and that was the thought of condemnation.
Let's read an excerpt from his life:
“And the devil began to accuse the monks, pouring out thousands of slander about them, calling them lovers of money, and vain, and gluttons, and saying: “The cauldron in which they cook food alone could accommodate all of me along with this horse!” The righteous one in response to this said to him: “Who are you, accusing and condemning those who work for God? Worthy is the worker of his food.” And the devil, covering his ears like an adder, ran away from him. The monk, having sealed himself with the sign of the honorable cross and prayed to God to cover and preserve him from the condemnation of the monks, joyfully entered this holy monastery.”
Elder Emilian, in his interpretation of the life of Saint Nile, says:
“When the devil tempted Neil with condemnation, he knew what he was doing. After all, this thought could have crushed the entire life of the monk if he had agreed with it. And if he then lived for a thousand years in a monastery, then with this thought he would not live a true monastic life for a single day. This is what the devil told him: “Well, where are you going? I worked in this monastery and know everyone there. One of these monks is a glutton, another is a lover of money, the third is vain. So what, can you live with such people?” That is, he tried to knock out from under the saint’s feet the foundation of monastic life - the approval of the brethren and unity with them. And if Satan had succeeded in instilling in St. Nilus judgment and division, even with just one brother, then he would have achieved more than he could have achieved through countless sins.”
So the devil tempts us every minute, trying to fill our hearts with condemnation. He exaggerates the weaknesses of other people in our eyes, arranges various tempting situations, and arouses intolerance and mistrust in us. “Look how badly this man behaves - and how is this possible among Christians? And she looked at you gloomily - what did you do to her, why is she looking like that? Why do people treat you so badly - do you really deserve it?”
The devil hurls such thoughts at us like menacing arrows, and if we do not reflect them, then they inflict deep wounds on our hearts, making us graceless and empty. The devil puts into us his own, evil reasoning, completely contrary to the spirit of Christ.
And we need to be very sober and attentive in order to constantly reject this evil onslaught and try to look at everything through the eyes of Christ. In any situation when we communicate with our neighbors and the temptation to condemn arises, let us think: how would Christ look at this? What would He say to this man? What would He do?
Many people think that this is impossible - well, what does our little one have in common? ordinary life with the life of the Lord Himself? But let’s think: how did the Lord live on earth? He lived not any other life, but an ordinary one. human life. He, just like us, ate earthly food with His lips, He performed the ordinary, routine food with His hands. earthly work He walked along earthly roads, and His pure feet became covered with dirt and dust.
And just like us, He communicated with many, many people and every day came into contact with human uncleanness - that is, with infirmities, passions, sinful habits. And so He showed us by His example how in this small, earthly life we can rise to heavenly love.
Let us now turn to the Gospel and remember specific examples: what kind of people surrounded Christ? And how did He treat them?
Wherever Christ entered, into any city or village, all the sinners who lived in that area immediately gathered around Him. Of course, virtuous people also came to him, but look at what the Evangelist Luke emphasizes: “All the publicans and sinners came to Him to listen to Him.” Whom does the Gospel call sinners? If they simply meant people subject to certain passions and infirmities, then the evangelist would not have used such a word.
Sinners here are those whose vicious life was obvious to everyone; that is, people immersed in gravest sins, criminals who have violated all human laws. We can say that thieves, adulterers, extortionists, drunkards, and perhaps even murderers flocked to Christ. And pay attention to one more word that the Evangelist Luke uses: all sinners - every single one, in every village to which the Savior came! Imagine how it looked from the outside: a certain person comes to the city and all the most degraded people, the entire, so to speak, criminal element immediately gather around him.
Not two or three, but everyone in the village—maybe several dozen people—suddenly converge in one place. And in the center of this terrible gathering is Christ. Probably, being close to the Lord, all these sinners tried to behave decently, with all possible reverence for them. But still they could not completely change in an instant. Bad skills and a vicious past were undoubtedly expressed in their behavior, in their speeches and gestures, even if involuntarily. The righteous Jews, looking at this from the outside, were both surprised and horrified: “Why does this Man eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?!”
Let us think now: what does this have to do with our lives? The most people also come to Church different people. Those who previously led an extremely distracted life, those who received a bad upbringing, and those whose conscience is burdened with many sins come here. Behold, these people heard the call of Christ and came to the holy temple, gathered around their beloved Lord. But can they completely change in an instant?
For some time - maybe a year, maybe several years, and maybe, by God's permission, until the end of their days - they will bear the imprint of their former passionate life. Some are rude, some seem loose, some are extremely stubborn. Noticing this, we should not be tempted to say: “What is this? How did such a person end up in the Church? What is he doing here? In fact, a person can have vices that have not been completely eliminated and still lead a serious spiritual life: sincerely repent, strive diligently, pray.
Let us now remember how the Savior treated the inveterate sinners who came to Him. The Jews openly despised these people, disdained communicating with them and did not even want to just be around them. But the Savior, on the contrary, especially rejoiced at sinners. He reclined with them at meals, listened willingly to them and spoke to them as if they were best friends. The Pharisees, looking at all this, called Him: “friend of publicans and sinners.” Was the Lord displeased by the behavior of former thieves and harlots? His love covered everything.
According to the expression of St. John Chrysostom, just as a doctor receiving the sick must endure their rotten smell, so Christ, communicating with sinners, with complete calm endured the smell of sin emanating from them. He saw the main thing in these people - their repentance, sincere love for Him, and desire to improve.
Likewise, when we meet a person, for example, rude or ill-mannered, we will not pay any attention to his behavior, we will be friendly and affectionate with him. And then gradually a veil will seem to fall from our eyes: we will see what is true in this person - his soul, damaged by sin, but alive, the image of God, stained by passions, but not destroyed.
An interesting example of merciful, affectionate treatment of neighbors is in the biography of Righteous John of Kronstadt:
“Someone who had completely lost his way, who had completely ruined his health through drunkenness, walking through St. Petersburg past the station, noticed a crowd rushing towards the approaching train... “Father John of Kronstadt should arrive now!” - they said in the crowd. Out of curiosity, I went to look at the famous priest and this degraded man.
Father, despite the surrounding ring of those greeting him, pays attention to the approaching one, boldly signs him with a cross and affectionately says to him: “May the Lord bless you and may He help you to go to bon voyage, My friend. It’s obvious you’re suffering a lot!”
From such inspired words of the great shepherd, the power of grace, like electric spark, passes through the entire being of the unfortunate person. Stepping aside, he felt that his heart was full of tenderness and affection for Father John.
“And in fact,” a thought involuntarily flashed through his mind, “how difficult it is for me to live, to what baseness I have reached, I have become worse than cattle. Is it really possible to get up? How nice it would be! Father John wished this for me, and how kind he is, he took pity on me, I will certainly go to him!” And then he goes to Kronstadt, confesses, partakes of the Holy Mysteries and God's help gradually morally restored."
Whenever we force ourselves to demonstrate gospel love, divine grace comes, which we feel and the person with whom we communicate.
Let's consider another example from the Gospel: who else was next to the Savior? Evangelist Matthew narrates: “And rumors about Him spread throughout all Syria; and they brought to Him all the weak, those possessed by various diseases and seizures, and the demon-possessed, and the lunatics, and the paralytic, and He healed them.” In other words, all the flawed, sick people gathered around the Lord. And we can say that this was also a tempting situation for Him. After all, such people usually cause a lot of inconvenience.
Christ had to stop on the way for them, devote His time to them, look at their wounds, listen to their cries and groans, endure their touches. Often people who are sick in body are also sick in soul. And the Savior probably had to deal with manifestations of selfishness or despondency when communicating with sick people. All this was not easy, and those who walked with the Lord sometimes became irritated by these unfortunate people. For example, when a blind man sitting by the road shouted: “Son of David, have mercy on me!”, those who followed the Savior “forced him to remain silent,” perhaps losing patience from this endless onslaught of the sick.
There are also many people around us who suffer from various ailments and constantly oppress us. But let us remember just one example of how the Savior treated sick people. One day a man suffering from leprosy approached Him and, bowing, said to Him: “Lord! If you want, you can cleanse me.” And the Savior, looking at this unfortunate man, did not think about how ugly his wounds were, but only felt his pain, the unbearable suffering of a man consumed by leprosy. And moved by pity, Christ immediately extended his hand, “touched him and said: I want you to be clean.”
And we can imitate the Savior in this good impulse - to help a suffering person. For example, someone is doing their job very slowly. What a wonderful opportunity for us to show compassion and love! And our love can be expressed not only in some kind of material help, but also in a gentle smile, an encouraging word. Saint Isaac the Syrian has wonderful words:
“If you give something to someone in need, let the cheerfulness of your face precede your giving and kind words comfort him. When you do this, then your kindness will be more valuable in his mind than your most excellent gift.”
And this is what important thing we need to remember. Wherever we go, wherever we live, wherever we work, there will definitely be a person who will oppress us with something - with his illnesses, habits, infirmities, strange behavior. And how can we maintain peace in our souls? How to always be in joy? Let us remember: we should not even have the thought of leaving our neighbors or trying to change their character. The only way out for us is to embrace the feat of long-suffering. And then joy will enter our heart, because true long-suffering is always combined with joy.
Abba Isaiah advises us:
“Take the feat of acquiring long-suffering; and love will heal sorrow.”
And Elder Emilian explains his advice:
In the biography of the Athonite elder Charalampios there is interesting example truly Christian patience. One day, Father Charalampius was given the obedience to care for a sick old man who suffered from severe indigestion and often did not even have time to get to the toilet. At first, this difficult obedience caused Father Charalampius to have thoughts of grumbling and discontent. But what happened next? Here is how the elder himself says:
“With great effort I managed to suppress these thoughts. I told myself: “Be careful, Charalampius, you serve Christ. By neglecting this old man, you are neglecting Christ. Cry out to God all night long to have mercy on you. And you will hear a voice saying to you: “Blessed are you who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy”; and again: “Because you do this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, do it to me.” Be careful, you are taking an exam, make sure you don’t fail.” After this, I began to carry out my new obedience with zeal.
Every day I had to wash a whole mountain of pajamas and wash the old man himself many times. As a human being, of course, I felt some disgust. For two days I had to constantly hold my nose because of the unbearable smell. However, my prayer soon intensified, and I began to experience such joy that literally overwhelmed me all that I truly began to feel that I was serving my Lord. The culmination of these states was the following miracle: whereas at the beginning I had to hold my nose from the stench, now I suddenly began to feel a fragrance similar to the fragrance of holy relics, but even stronger.”
When we constantly force ourselves to perform heroic deeds for the sake of our neighbors, miracles also begin to happen to us. People who previously caused us rejection and irritation become dear to us, like family. We discover such abundant sources of love in our hearts that we didn’t even suspect about! After all, as St. John Chrysostom says, “by our very nature we have an inclination towards mercy.” Each of us is naturally capable of sympathy and condescension; The Lord has placed in everyone’s heart the seed of gospel love, and from it a wondrous fruitful tree can grow.
But let's return to the Gospel. Now I would like to consider: what kind of people did the Lord surround Himself with, whom did He especially bring close to Himself? It would seem that, as the God-man, He was worthy of the most brilliant surroundings, and next to Him there should have been people adorned with wisdom and perfect in virtue.
But He Himself chose as His disciples simple people, uneducated, or, as they said at that time, not bookish, such people about whom the Pharisees disdainfully spoke: “These people are ignorant of the law, they are cursed.” Because of his simplicity, the Apostle Peter, for example, said everything that came to his mind, without thinking at all. The apostles were not completely dispassionate people; various weaknesses manifested themselves in them.
For example, the apostles James and John succumbed to anger and vindictiveness: they suggested that the Savior bring fire from heaven to the Samarian village, where they were not accepted. They were also subject to vanity, because they wanted to occupy best places near the Lord in His Kingdom. And another disciple of Christ, righteous Nicodemus, showed cowardice: he did not dare to openly come to the Savior, but, fearing the Pharisees, came at night. That is, at first glance, the Lord’s disciples were the most ordinary, weak people.
And next to us the Lord always places people who seem ordinary and weak to us. We would like to have in our immediate circle the wisest, most talented, and at the same time the most meek and humble people. But the Lord, by His own example, teaches us not to look for such people, but to love those who are close to us.
Elder Emilian says:
“The one who complains about the people around him suffers through his own fault, because he did not understand: those who are next to him are exactly what he needs. His salvation would be doubtful if his neighbors were not exactly what they are.”
What especially attracts us in the way the Lord treated His disciples, these simple and weak people? His respect for them. The Apostle James may be too hot, but the Savior deigns to see His transfiguration. Let the Apostle Peter say rash things, but the Savior promises to give Him the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven. Even if Nicodemus is fearful, Christ still reveals sublime mysteries to him.
Whatever person is next to us - poorly educated, angry, lukewarm, vain - let it be an immutable law for us to respect and honor him. Here is a person who behaves uncivilly at the table: he pushes us in the side when he wants to ask something, or pulls his hand across the table, getting his sleeve into our plate - but we do not allow our hearts to respond with irritation. Here he commits a bad act before our eyes, succumbs to passion - and we force ourselves to leniency and compassion. And these small daily deeds are true life in Christ.
Saint Ignatius writes: “Give respect to your neighbor, without distinguishing age, gender, class, upbringing - and gradually holy love will begin to appear in your heart.” And in the light of this love we will see that we are surrounded not by simple and weak people, but by Christ’s chosen ones.
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets gives an interesting example: what can be hidden behind the outer simplicity of a person. In Jordan there was one very simple priest who read prayers over sick people and animals, and they became healthy. Before serving the Divine Liturgy, he drank something hot with a cracker and after that he did not eat anything for the whole day. The rumor that he was eating before the Divine Liturgy reached the Patriarch, and he summoned him to his place. Not knowing why he was called, the priest came to the Patriarchate and, together with other visitors, waited for the call in the reception area.
It was hot outside, the windows were shuttered, and through the crack into the reception room he made his way Sunbeam. Mistaking the beam for a stretched rope, the sweating priest took off his cassock and hung it on the beam. Seeing this, the people sitting in the waiting room with him were shocked. One of them went to the Patriarch and told him about such a miracle. The Patriarch called him into his office and began to talk, asking him about his service and how he was preparing for the liturgy.
“Yes,” the priest answers him, “first I read Matins, then I bow, then I prepare tea, eat something light and go to serve.” - “Why do you eat before the liturgy?” – asks the Patriarch. “If,” he answers, “I have a little snack before the liturgy, then after consuming the Holy Gifts, Christ appears on top. But if I eat after the Divine Liturgy, then Christ appears below.” It turns out that he had breakfast before the liturgy with a good thought!.. “No,” the Patriarch tells him, “this is wrong. First consume the Holy Gifts, and then eat a little.” The priest bowed to the Patriarch and humbly accepted what was said.”
This man, out of ignorance, made a serious mistake, but the Lord, looking at his inner motivations, granted him great grace. And therefore let’s not rush to judge. Each person is a whole world, special, structured in his own way, and the one who seems weak to us can be righteous before God.
Let us now recall a few more examples from the life of the Lord. Until now, we have considered cases where people loved the Savior or, at least, were disposed towards Him. We also easily forgive the weaknesses and shortcomings of those people who treat us well. And it often happens like this: when we have been living in a community for a long time, and we have warm, friendly relationships with others, then it seems to us that we have already acquired gospel love.
But there is one simple way to find out if we truly love. Let's think: when our neighbors offend us, mock us, do not understand, does peace remain in our soul, good feeling to them? And if we want to gain Christ in our hearts, then we need to learn not to condemn those who “curse and offend” us. Here is how Elder Emilian writes about this:
“If you want to truly experience God, then you must learn to rejoice and sympathize with the one who insults you, and the one who curses you, and the one who pushes you away, who does not understand you, who talks to you terribly, who reviles you “who calls white black, and the plain a mountain, who interprets everything related to you in a completely opposite sense.”
Look, this is very important! Our peace of mind, our love for God should not depend on how our neighbor treats us. Our neighbor will always do something wrong, will always burst into our lives and shake and crush it. And if we do not acquire in our hearts love that is unshakable, then we will never have peace. Notice also this: how we treat our neighbors is how we treat God. If we are open to our neighbors, then we are also open to God. He is close to us, and we feel His closeness both in prayer and in all our ordinary daily life.
The Lord with His life showed us how we can acquire inner freedom and gospel love. He Himself experienced everything that man experiences on earth - there is no such insult or insult that He did not have to endure. And the Lord proved that no evil can overcome true love. I think each of us has had this experience: someone has offended us, we are confused and worried, we don’t know how to behave, how to relate to the offender, but then we open the Gospel, read one chapter - and are surprised to discover that the Lord I was also in this situation and showed us what we should do!
Let us remember, for example, how Christ endured insults and ridicule. One day He came to the house of Jairus, the ruler of the synagogue, whose only daughter had died. “Everyone cried and cried for her.” Filled with sympathy for the grieving people and wanting to immediately console them, the Lord said: “Don’t cry; She’s not dead, but she’s sleeping.” What was the answer? "And they laughed at Him." In Slavic it is said more precisely: “And I curse at Him,” that is we're talking about not just about laughter, but about rude ridicule. They probably spoke insulting words to the Savior, scolded Him, and called Him crazy.
And it is difficult for us to bear reproach, and it is especially bitter if we are offended by those to whom we are disposed and to whom we try to do good. For example, we want to help a person do a difficult job, we offer different solutions– and in response we hear ridicule. Or we ask for forgiveness after a disagreement for which it was not even our fault - and we are greeted with an ironic remark. It hurts us and it seems impossible not to judge.
But let us remember: how did the Savior react to ridicule? When Jairus's household began to laugh at Him, He only became even more filled with pity for them, realizing that their offensive laughter expressed heartache, grief from the loss of their beloved child.
And we must understand: evil ridicule in any case shows that a person is suffering. The mouth always “speaks from the abundance of the heart,” and the one who spoke to us impolitely revealed his pain, his bitterness. Something is happening in his heart. Maybe he is suffering internal battle, or someone has offended him. And we should feel sorry for him, and not turn away in indignation.
Christ was not offended by those who “scold Him” and did not immediately leave this house, but hastened to console these people and resurrected the young woman. Likewise, when we hear ridicule, we will try to console the person who has revealed his inner wound in front of us - to console him with gentle treatment, thoughtfulness, and kindness. And sometimes it’s enough just not to show that we noticed his mocking tone, that is, to continue communicating as if nothing had happened.
Often a mocking person himself sees that he is behaving badly, but he simply cannot restrain himself. And it is a considerable consolation for him that they do not take offense at him, but tolerate him with love. Here’s what’s also interesting: when we show such patience to a person, he will definitely notice it over time, and his heart will respond with a kind feeling in return.
Let us remember another example from the Gospel - how the Savior endured distrust from his neighbors. It is especially surprising that this insult was inflicted on Him not by strangers, but by very close ones, those with whom He had communicated since childhood - that is, His brothers. How did this happen? “Jesus walked through Galilee, because He did not want to walk through Judea, because the Jews sought to kill Him.” But “the feast of the Jews was approaching—the setting up of tabernacles.” And the Savior’s brothers began to insist that He still go to Judea and show His power.
Why did they demand this? Because “they did not believe in Him.” They boldly said to the Savior: “Why do you remain in Galilee? After all, You do such great things - don’t You want everyone to know about You? No one does anything in secret and seeks to be known. If You are a Prophet, then reveal Yourself to the world, go to Judea. What are you afraid of?". These words were extremely offensive: the brothers not only did not believe the Lord, but also accused Him of cowardice and vanity.
Mistrust and unfair accusation are one of the most serious grievances. We know this on own experience. In such cases, we immediately become offended and, perhaps, even respond non-peacefully.
How did the Savior respond to the brothers’ accusations? He meekly explained to them why he did not want to go to Judea: “My time has not yet come.” He answered the brothers and their other confusion - that He was seeking worldly glory. “I do not try to please this world, on the contrary, I testify about it that its deeds are evil, and for this the world hates Me. You see, I do not seek glory,” that’s all the Lord said.
He did not reproach his brothers in response, did not try to justify himself and prove that He is really the long-awaited Messiah. He understood that their minds were still weak and now they simply could not accommodate this great and terrible secret. He simply answered them concrete questions, without any anger, calmly, applying themselves to their reasoning.
In fact, our neighbor is not obliged to be wise and perspicacious, he is not obliged to understand us. He has his own way of thinking, his own internal problems and temptations, your sorrows and weaknesses. Therefore, let us allow our neighbor to think about us the way he wants and speak to us the way he feels. We just need to endure it, cutting off thoughts of resentment and condemnation. And then we will gain much more than if we fiercely defended our dignity - we will gain spiritual peace.
Again and again I want to call on you: let us love each other without making any conditions, making any demands. In other words, let us every minute force ourselves to humility, forbearance and patience. If we do not do this, then battles will constantly arise in our hearts, filling our lives with meaningless, useless sorrow. And if we agree to accept each person as he is, then we will never lose peace, joy, love.
Elder Emilian has wonderful words:
“When your neighbor opens his mouth, know that he will not speak to you as he should speak to you, but according to what is in his heart. If he is a man from the village, ill-mannered, uncircumcised in heart, then this is how he will talk to you. You need to accept people as they are. If you want their minds, their lives, their views, their hearts, their attitude towards you to change immediately, now, then nothing will come of it.”
“Listen to what Abba Isaiah says: “If you cannot bear the words of your neighbor and take revenge on him, then battles will arise in your heart, causing illness to your heart.” “So, if I do not tolerate my neighbor, then my heart becomes hardened and hurts, and I lose my mental fortitude. If I manage to love him and accept him as he is, then I will have peace.”
Let us also add that Christ, despite the offense inflicted on Him, did not distance itself from His brothers, did not stop communicating with them and teaching them. And subsequently two of them, the apostles Jude and James, became His zealous followers and accepted Him for martyr's crown. When we humble ourselves before our neighbors, it is more likely to win their hearts towards us than if we struggle to be respected.
In His earthly life, the Savior endured another, more bitter temptation - misunderstanding from those closest to us, from His disciples. When He was insulted by His brothers in the flesh, it may not have been as painful as the insult from those people who seemed to be His brothers in Spirit, to whom He revealed the most intimate, great secrets! That's how it was.
The Savior came to Jerusalem, and the people gathered around Him, as usual. These were people who already knew Him and seemed to truly love Him. They listened with pleasure to His teachings and said about Him: “This is truly the Prophet who is about to come into the world.” And so Christ decided to tell them the most sublime truths. He began to talk about God's endless mercy to to the human race; He promised that He would nourish them with His life-giving Flesh, and that His Divine Blood would flow in their veins, and anyone who wished would gain eternal life through this.
But what did He hear in response? Some said with a murmur: “What is He saying? What kind of Son of God is He?! Isn't this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How does He say: I came down from heaven? Others argued among themselves: “How can He give us His flesh to eat?” And “many of His disciples,” listening to His revelations, said: “What strange words! Who can listen to this?
Just now these same disciples looked at the Savior with such reverence, hanging on His every word - it seemed that they understood everything! And now their faces darkened, they hide their eyes and walk away one by one. The Gospel says that it was from this time - that is, after Christ revealed the greatest mysteries to His disciples - that it was then that many departed from Him and no longer walked with Him. Imagine how painful it was!
Sometimes we have to endure similar insults. This happens more often, of course, with confessors and mentors. How they wish to give all their love, all the warmth of their souls to their spiritual children, how they try to reveal to them the secrets of spiritual life! But children who have succumbed to some passion sometimes do not accept this love and stubbornly answer: “What strange words! I can't listen to this!
Anyone can face misunderstandings. For example, we wanted to help someone, and we invite someone we trust to participate in this good deed, but he refuses, and perhaps even laughs at us. When we receive such an unexpected blow, we want to reproach the offenders: “I thought they understood everything! I speak, but they don’t seem to hear!”
Let us remember what Christ said when many of His disciples went back. He turned to the twelve apostles and asked: “Would you like to leave too?” He did not utter a word of condemnation about those who had left, He did not try to hold back those who remained, but gave everyone freedom. The Savior told the apostles: “They wanted to leave, well, so be it. And you, My beloved brothers, can also go - if only you want.” Of course, Christ did not reject the apostles from Himself, but only showed that His love is completely disinterested, that He does not force them to do anything.
And we are called to acquire in our hearts a love that does not bind our neighbor, which “never ceases,” even if our neighbor wounds us to the very heart. The Lord sometimes allows misunderstandings and misunderstandings in monasteries, so that we can practice love. If such misunderstandings did not exist, how could we prosper? How would we obtain the spirit of Christ?
I really like one reasoning from Elder Emilian:
“One of the great, one might say, unique benefits of a cenobitic monastery is that many people live together, so that everyone, having their own own character, can become an underwater rock in your life. One - with insult, another - with contempt, the third - with refusal, and all of them together do nothing else but prepare, perfect you and open the entrance to the Holy Spirit into your heart. If there are no such people, there is nothing to do in the hostel...
Yes, but you will tell me: “What if my brother is wrong? Is it really right for him to do whatever he wants with me?” Of course yes! This is correct and natural, because a person acts in accordance with his character. He behaves the way his dad and mom behaved, in accordance with his hereditary qualities, with the life he has lived so far. It all falls on me. What I can do is accept everyone as they are, and especially when they don’t understand me, when they go against me, because that can make me a saint.”
Christ showed us this path - the path of perfect, complete and unconditional condescension towards our neighbors.
Of course, the most amazing example We see non-condemnation in the way the Savior treated Judas Iscariot. When we talk about Judas, we are first of all reminded of his betrayal. But now I would like to talk about something else. Before committing betrayal, Judas was one of the Savior’s closest disciples for three years and was almost never separated from Him. How have these three years been? What did Christ have to endure?
Imagine, next to Him, in the immediate environment, there was always a person devoted to passions. Most of all, Judas was overcome by the passion of love of money, and also, according to some interpreters, by envy. Probably these passions did not immediately manifest themselves in Judas. At first, he sincerely and devotedly loved the Lord, and was ready, like the other apostles, to give Him his whole life. But then the devil began to tempt Judas and little by little persuade him to betray.
The Savior, of course, saw this gradual decline, which remained unnoticed by others. He knew that Judas was embezzling money that belonged to their little brotherhood, and he also saw how Judas more and more agreed with the thoughts of betrayal that the devil put in him. Christ constantly felt the breath of sin and death emanating from Judas. And one can imagine what kind of grief He endured, because this was one of His twelve closest, beloved disciples!
It happens that we also have to communicate closely with a person who treats us biasedly. Every day we are faced with manifestations of his hostility. No matter what we tell him, no matter what we ask, in response we always hear dissatisfaction, objections, and maybe even rudeness. And as a rule, we fence ourselves off from such a person, try not to communicate with him, and if communication is inevitable, then we arm ourselves with coldness.
But Christ showed us otherwise. Did He condemn Judas, who gave in so much to passions? Did you try to get rid of it? We know not. Christ left Judas among His closest disciples until the very last moment. To the traitor, as if to the faithful, He revealed the most intimate secrets. He never punished Judas with severity, but on the contrary, he always treated him especially gently and carefully. If He openly reproached the other apostles, for example, the Apostle Peter or the brothers James and John, then He never directly rebuked Judas, realizing that he would not bear it and would immediately fall away from His Teacher.
The Savior tried to arouse repentance in him with careful hints. Saint John Chrysostom writes, admiring wise behavior Lord: “See how He spares the traitor: He does not say directly: “This one will betray Me”; but: “One of you” - in order to hide him again to give him the opportunity to repent.” The Lord never changed his meek, merciful attitude towards Judas. Even knowing that he had already sold him for thirty pieces of silver, Christ washed his feet - the first of all the disciples, according to the interpretation of St. John Chrysostom.
Then the Lord deigned him to partake of His Body and Blood. And even at the very moment of betrayal in Garden of Gethsemane The Savior greeted Judas with a warm, affectionate greeting: “Friend, why have you come?” In this address - friend - there was no hidden meaning, no irony, as sometimes happens with us. The Word of the Lord is always simple and sincere, it is not double. And when He said to the traitor: friend, He really felt that way.
This is incomprehensible to us great love, but still, to the best of our ability, we can imitate the Savior - in humility, meekness, self-denial in relation to any person, and especially in relation to people who openly show hostility or even hatred towards us. Such people, more than anyone else, need our compassion and love. And if we speak to them coldly, it means that we do not have the spirit of Christ in us. Christ never treated Judas worse than the other apostles, and gave him everything that he gave to others - so we must give each person all our love, without any measure.
Elder Emilian gives a good example:
“I know you hate me. However, today you need me or you were sent to me. I have to act as if I don’t know about your hatred, and even if you can’t restrain yourself and show me your attitude,” “then I don’t speak badly to you in return, but I treat you kindly, cordially.” “And this is not a lie, but love, which shows that I agree to go ahead.” “I act honorably in imitation of the Lord.”
Now I would like to once again take a look at all those people who surrounded the Lord when He lived on earth. Next to Him were spoiled people, corrupted by a sinful life; there were people who were defective and sick; His closest disciples showed various weaknesses and passions, and one of them became a traitor. The people surrounding Christ mocked Him, did not believe Him, rejected Him. And the Lord served them, tolerated them, accepted everything from them. And what did the Lord finally do for all these people? What was the crown of His non-judgment and love? Crucifixion.
And for us, the crucifixion should become the main criterion of our relations with our neighbors. This could be a separate discussion.
What is the Crucifixion of the Lord?
Crucifixion is a sacrifice. Every day, communicating with our neighbors, we can sacrifice something for them: our habits, our comfort, our opinion, our dignity. Whenever we deny ourselves for the sake of our neighbor, our heart is freed from the passion that did not let God in. And when we internalize this spirit of sacrifice, we will be able not to judge anyone, to love every person, no matter what he is.
The Crucifixion shows us and highest degree patience. The book of Elder Joseph the Hesychast describes an amazing incident.
“One brother told me... (here the elder speaks confidentially about himself)... one brother told me that once he was sad because of a certain brother whom he advised, but he did not listen, and there was great sadness because of him . And, praying, he went into a frenzy. And he sees the Lord, nailed to the Cross, all surrounded by light. And, raising his head, Christ turns to him and says: “Look at Me, how much I suffered for your sake! What are you putting up with?”
And with this word, sadness dissolved, he was filled with joy and peace, and, pouring out streams of tears, he was and is amazed at the condescension of the Lord.”
The crucifix is an image of forgiveness. Saint John Chrysostom writes: “You imitate God, you become like God when you forgive with Him.” When do we forgive with Christ? Then, when we suffer without guilt, it is unfair. How often it happens and how difficult it is for us to forgive in such cases! But we will always say to ourselves: “The Lord, too, was not guilty of anything, and yet he ascended to the cross and from the cross forgave us all, forgave me specifically, personally.”
And in this we will find a cure for all hostility, for all condemnation. While we live on earth, it is impossible for us not to be upset and upset. And so the Lord gave us a means so that we could live on earth in peace and love. This means is to forgive beyond all human justice.
Finally, I would like to recall another example of the Savior’s love for people - what happened after His glorious resurrection. The Lord, who suffered so much from people, was humiliated and crucified by them, returned to them not with reproach, not with reproof. As one ancient interpreter writes,
“Christ does not frighten them with His power, but appears with His ardent love. He does not embarrass them with His power, but honors them with the love of a brother and warmly greets them: “Rejoice!”
And if you knew how much I would like, how joyful I would be, if we treated each other with the same extreme reverence, with such an uncontrollable desire to please each other!
St. Basil the Great writes about this beautifully:
“Hasten to say a word of consolation before all other speeches, showing love for your neighbor. Whether you are in a monastery and going to your brother, whether you are a husband and going to your wife, whether you are a father or mother and approaching your child, hurry to say a word of consolation.”
And Elder Emilian complements his words: “What you want to say to a person, say after you first tell him a few words that will give him respite, joy, consolation. Make him say: I calmed down, I was happy! Make your neighbor jump for joy when he meets you. After all, all people in their lives, homes, bodies, souls have some kind of pain, infirmities, difficulties. Everyone hides this pain, but it is there. And therefore, at every meeting, first of all, give the person a smile, no matter who he is... And then God, seeing love and paradise in your heart, seeing that you have accommodated everyone in it, cannot help but take you to heaven too.” .