What to do about midlife crisis in women. Age crises in women: features, symptoms, solutions

Midlife crisis in women is a relative concept. When does a woman experience this midlife crisis? It can start at 30, 40 or 50 years old. There are no clear boundaries. And this concept itself belongs to the field of psychology, and many authors interpret this concept and the crisis process itself in different ways. There is no medical diagnosis. I.V. Dubrovina defines the concept of “critical age” as something vague, which was still practically studied in the first third of the 20th century. And then the research stopped, but nevertheless the age crisis was seen as something obligatory and immutable. As a fact.

In Erikson’s concept, for example, a crisis is a period of formation of what psychological neoplasm. For example, in the period from 0 to 1 year, a person develops basic trust in the world around him as a whole. That is, in other words, how the people around him (first of all, his mother, of course) treat a person with sincere warmth or reject him, then accordingly he will treat the world around him in the same way. A crisis is also a period of rethinking your life. Therefore, a midlife crisis in both men and women is a common and widespread phenomenon.

When does a midlife crisis occur in women?

In developmental psychology, the life and development of a person as an individual is divided into more or less clear periods, each period has its own characteristic features. We behave differently with people of different ages. For example, it wouldn’t occur to us to talk about politics with a five-year-old child or tell an eighty-year-old grandmother about new telephones. It turns out that each age actually has its own characteristics. Or rather, age period. The gradation is conditional, since the development of each person is unique.

If you follow the stages age development personalities ( developmental psychology Kulagina I.Yu. and Kolyutsky V.N.), then at approximately 30 years of age, sometimes a little earlier or later, a person experiences critical period, when he begins to rethink his life, looking back, sometimes he realizes that he still has not achieved what could be the meaning of life. Moreover, if, looking back, a woman realizes that her life is not arranged the way she wants, that despite external well-being, she is seriously lacking something, which means that these are clearly manifestations of a crisis period.

Naturally, this feeling is not momentary; its duration can last for months, or even years. Let's give specific examples, based on the revelations of women, by which one can judge the presence of a midlife crisis:

“I have three children. There is a husband. He works, I am on maternity leave with my 3rd child. Recent years two I began to notice that I became more irritable and dissatisfied with many things. I’m trying to develop as a person, I go to different exhibitions, I read. But I still don’t get satisfaction from life. Sometimes I feel like no one understands me. I've wanted since childhood big family. I received it. But why doesn’t anything make me happy anymore? What do I need to do to enjoy life again?” Anna, 32 years old.

"I am 37 years old. I hold a highly paid position. I have a luxurious apartment and a car, many friends. My daughter is studying abroad, she is 14 years old, I have been divorced for about 5 years. I am now in a relationship with two men at the same time, and one of them is 10 years younger than me. I have already jumped with a parachute, I go to the gym and the pool. Been to almost all European countries. But why do I want to kill someone every day and smash the whole apartment into pieces?” Maria, 37 years old.

“You know, I'm married. This is the second marriage. I myself don’t understand why I got married the first time, probably out of stupidity. Or rather, no, I thought that he loved me, but I didn’t have to love him. As a result, a child from his first marriage, then a divorce. To divorce my first husband, I went to great lengths. She cheated on her husband, more than once. And she told him about it directly. I don't know how he didn't kill me. I wanted an explosion of emotions. I received it in full. Then. And now I feel bad again. Second husband, second child. I think that in my youth I did not go out properly. Now I'm drawn to adventure. I don't want to cheat on my husband. But I don’t want to live like this anymore. Some kind of fire is choking me inside. I feel like if I don't get what I want, I'll just explode. I love my family. But for some reason I feel bad and I feel like I’m suffering, although everything seems to be fine. But what the hell do I want, I myself don’t understand!” Elena, 36 years old.

All three stories seem to be different, they have one thing in common - complete dissatisfaction with their lives. The midlife crisis in women is accompanied by a constant question - what to do? Although outwardly everything is fine. Their needs were met. Some have a job, some have a family, and some have both. They are materially arranged, social status within the normal range. And then how to survive a midlife crisis for women without losses? Why are they so essentially unhappy?

Causes of midlife crisis

A woman is unhappy if she only has external needs satisfied - marriage, career, sex, money and all the pleasures associated with satisfying these needs. Actually, speaking about women's needs, it is appropriate to recall the 20th century psychoanalyst, Karen Horney, who in her article on the revaluation of love said that in modern world a woman constantly makes considerable efforts (until now!) to achieve independence, expand her range of interests and master “male” professions.

Society perceives this as more or less normal, if it is dictated only by the desire, roughly speaking, to survive in order to feed oneself and one’s family. But in essence, all this is contrary to her nature and is not vital for her. important. After all, all her thoughts should focus exclusively on male field in general (or on one of her men) and motherhood, that is, one way or another, marriage, with all the ensuing consequences. There is somehow no middle ground.

And if you remember the number of popular books on psychology or articles on the Internet, namely popular, non-scientific ones, then this is very similar to the truth. The names themselves speak for themselves: “How to forgive your husband for cheating,” “How to get married in three months,” “How to make a man fall in love with you,” and the like. It is unlikely that you will find a book for men “How to marry a woman”, but rather “How to persuade someone to have sex in 5 minutes”.

And women sometimes devote their lives to the struggle - for power, independence, money and career, constantly competing with men. But deep instincts, which were preceded by centuries-old traditions that such behavior is unfeminine, that with such behavior it is extremely difficult to find a man or even love him, literally rebel in a woman. Despite her strength, she wants to be weak... She faces an internal conflict.

In pursuit of external pleasures, which are allegedly taken as the main goals, a woman plunges into long-term stress. Gradually, just at a conscious age, she comes to the understanding that this is not all right. It doesn't bring happiness. But the second option is also not for her. A man may not be able to give her inner peace. Money and career will not help this. After all, her main motive for behavior as a whole invariably leads to obtaining external pleasure. And the woman will live in stress until she changes her motive to an essential, internal one. Until she learns to set goals correctly. And then she will be able to achieve, first of all, harmony with herself. This is also important for health, since in women a midlife crisis is often accompanied by symptoms various diseases. After all, the connection between somatic diseases (diseases of the body) and psychological state has long been proven.

The main reason for any crisis is the distortion of life values. And this fully applies to the midlife crisis in women. The point is not that each age has different values. They are alone at any age - this is a state of inner comfort and tranquility, harmony of the individual with the world around him and with himself. But how this harmony is achieved is a matter of a woman’s age and life experience.

Features of a woman’s personality development during a midlife crisis

Usually, by middle age, a woman has 2 main aspects of life - these are professional activity and family. By maturity (about 35-40 years), a woman no longer exhibits the maximalism inherent in youth. She becomes intelligent and more free-thinking. Essentially this is the heyday personal development women. Usually by this age her financial and social situation is stable.

But at the same time, the children had already grown up and became more independent. The woman experienced many troubles in life, and sometimes misfortunes - the death of loved ones (parents), departure from total control for the lives of children. When a midlife crisis begins, it also implies changes family life. The couple is worried new stage relationships. If, for example, apart from children, the spouses had nothing in common, then the family may fall apart.

And sometimes, at this stage of life, serious changes occur in life, including changing professions or even entering into a new marriage.

A new meaning of life is being built. Often women's crisis middle age is accompanied by infidelity. Women drop everything and radically change their lives. Life during a crisis seems completely devoid of meaning, this makes the soul feel bitter, and dissatisfaction with oneself grows. Character changes. Far from it better side. The woman becomes deeply unhappy. And it may remain so for the rest of his life. Her mood is constantly pessimistic. I am overcome by attacks of inexplicable melancholy and sadness.

The main signs of a midlife crisis in women:

• Dissatisfaction with your life.
• Frequent mood swings - from incomprehensible sadness to inexplicable joy.
• The desire to radically change your life or something in your life.
• Sexual dissatisfaction (what used to bring pleasure no longer does).
• The desire to “forget”
• What seemed important just a year or two ago has become completely unimportant.
• Mental “confusion” - clearly you want something and something is missing. It’s just not clear why.

Usually these signs are observed in combination. But if there are at least three, this is already a reason to think about it.

How to overcome a midlife crisis in women

Not worth considering middle age women (maturity) as a period of withering. Maturity is perhaps the most important stage in a woman's life. After all, it is at this age that the final formation of personality occurs. During this period, a woman usually reveals herself as fully as she can, using her abilities to the fullest and creativity. This is a time to expand life prospects.

It is specifically designed to fulfill its purpose and pass on to the next generation all of its life experience and knowledge. If marriage was created not out of love, but out of necessity, then it was during this period that it became clear that it was only heavy burden, with whom a woman sometimes cannot part with.

But the meaning of life is not material benefits or external pleasures, which becomes clear over time, he is in something deeper. It is about the importance of moral development, first of all. In realizing oneself as a person who accepts oneself completely and unconditionally. The onset of a midlife crisis is not inevitable. Someone will pass him safely.

43-50 years is a critical moment in a woman’s life. After all, by this age she had already completed most of the “tasks” of her life: started a family, gave birth and raised a child (maybe more than one), built a career, furnished a home - in fact, she had stepped over the middle of her path. And the question involuntarily arises before her: why, for what and how to live further? The usual points of application of energy have disappeared, and with them, sometimes, the meaning of life... The psychological state of a woman at this moment can be characterized in two words: “hidden pain,” pain about which there is nothing to say out loud. External signs well-being - marriage, children, favorite job - no longer satisfy, but what hurts inside and interferes with life is difficult to understand.

Oddly enough, most men of a similar age do not experience such problems: they have hobbies, friends, in general, there are ways of self-realization. A woman is often too “busy” with others important matters In order to maintain close relationships with friends or engage in creativity, she had too much trouble with growing children and everyday worries. But the time has come when the children have achieved independence, the relationship with the husband is on track, and life is smooth. The woman sees no prospects for herself. It is at this age that the number of breakups with a previous partner, with whom you have lived your life, increases. And it also happens that alcohol becomes a way to cope with the situation.

Crisis of 50 years in women: psychology

The cause of the crisis is a deep desire to be needed, loved, in demand: a psychologist can help realize these needs. A woman needs bright emotions, which evoke love, motherhood, and newness in relationships. These desires can be realized in different ways: someone, for example, purposefully seeks new acquaintances and connections. But these attempts to reshape life are doomed to failure, because in this way you can only get a surrogate. A woman over 40 is too wise to not notice the shortcomings of her new partner. For her, it is illogical to immerse herself in the life of the body, when the perception of the world and oneself mainly comes “through the head”: through understanding, awareness, comparison with lived experience. A deeper understanding of the problem is that a woman is horrified by the fact that life has not yet been lived, there is still unspent energy, and the body is already aging, and the usual points of application of strength (children, husband, career) no longer need hourly attention.

It is possible that the process of overcoming the crisis of 50 years for women will not be too fast: according to experts, this is due to age characteristics, the coincidence of a psychological crisis with age-related, physiological changes in the body. But psychologists agree that the most effective solution The problem will be reformulating your desires and needs in such a way as to aim not at receiving emotions, but at maximizing your investment. As paradoxical as it sounds, it is by giving and investing that you can receive much more positive warm feelings than by demanding attention. The feeling that you yourself are creating something interesting, beautiful, or simply doing a good and useful thing, that you are busy, that you are creating - this is exactly what women so often lack.

The next stage in overcoming the crisis of the age of 50 for women will be to take responsibility for what is happening in your life: independently fill it with the necessary things, events, people, feelings - and, therefore, turn the situation around! Yes, it can be very difficult to break the mold and go learn to play the piano at the age of 45, pick up a brush and paints for the first time after school, go to Pilates - do something that is not customary, but is very necessary for your own peace of mind and well-being.

Hello, dear guests of my site! Today we will talk about a problem that almost all women face upon reaching a certain age.

It turns out that a psychological crisis can arise not only in adolescence or in, but also after crossing the 30-year mark.

So, let's look at the main symptoms of a midlife crisis in women after 30 years of age.

First you need to understand how such a crisis manifests itself. It happens at age 30 or starts a little later. Sometimes women become so immersed in problems that they no longer know how to overcome them on their own.

In such a situation, you may need the help of a specialist. Some suffer greatly, while for others it may go unnoticed.

Much depends on character traits and a certain life situation. As doctors' reviews confirm, this condition can also provoke the occurrence of various diseases.

These could be diseases of the digestive, cardiovascular or nervous system.
Many psychologists believe that the crisis manifests itself at the age of 30–40 years. It is important to pay attention to your internal state and not be afraid to face difficulties.

You can find out what psychology says about this. A crisis often occurs when the meaning of life is lost.

At the same time, a reassessment of values ​​occurs, much like in adolescence.

Causes of the crisis

To figure out what to do in crisis situation, it is necessary to understand the reasons for its occurrence.

Here's what can cause this problem:

1. Failures in personal life. Many women who are not married before the age of 30 experience a drop in self-esteem, depression, and uncertainty about the future. Married people may also experience disappointment in their family life. At the same time, fatigue arises from constant worries. .
2. The first signs of aging appear. Symptoms such as the appearance of facial wrinkles, sagging skin and cellulite may appear.
3. Career problems. If a lot has been placed on your career, then if there is no advancement in career ladder— a period of crisis begins.
4. Comparison with other people's achievements. If a woman failed, did not buy a good home and did not give birth to a child, in general, did not achieve anything in life by the age of 30, then she may experience shame on an unconscious level. At the same time, friends who have achieved a lot can increase feelings of guilt.

The crisis can be felt and even very successful women. At the same time, an indifferent attitude towards previous successes arises.

How long this condition lasts depends on many reasons. Personal difficulties can become a very serious problem.

The following questions may arise:

1. Misunderstanding on the part of the beloved man.
2. Reluctance of the other half to have children.
3. Constant quarrels for various reasons.
4. Doubts about choosing a partner in life.

Signs of a crisis

How long a crisis might occur depends on many factors. In any case, you need to be able to determine it.
Here characteristic features unpleasant condition:

1. The mood becomes too changeable.
2. Tension arises in relationships with others.
3. I want to move to another city or country, or even quit my job.
4. Reality no longer matches expectations. There is a feeling of unrealized potential.
5. Everything around me seems to have lost its meaning.
6. Constantly discovering new problems. In this case, the condition is accompanied by many negative emotions and a pessimistic view of what is happening.
7. Thoughts about old age arise. Turning thirty is perceived as the end of youth.
8. Birthdays no longer bring joy. And it becomes a sad date.
9. Desire to change. Thoughts arise about changing your appearance, moving to another place, changing jobs, or even getting divorced.
10. Disappointment in loved ones is accompanied by frequent scandals and insults.

Characterizing the symptoms will help you understand what is bothering you at one time or another. However, the symptoms do not appear all at once.

Usually one appears brightly, and the rest complement the condition. Even if at least a couple of signs are present, this is an alarming signal.

How to overcome the crisis

Let's look at how to survive an unpleasant period. There are different views to the problem. Some experts believe that we need to wait it out.

In fact, time will only get rid of the symptoms, not the real cause.
Let's see what you can do:

1. Take some of the responsibility off yourself. Significant workloads and the habit of putting everything on your shoulders will not help in the fight against the crisis. Make your life easier, at least for a couple of months.
2. Revisit an old hobby or come up with a new hobby. Will help you get rid of stress favorite activity. What do you like: sewing, photography or running in the stadium? It's time to remember what gives you pleasure.
3. Spend more time with your husband, family and friends. Spending time together will allow you to improve your relationship. You and your husband can go somewhere nice. Meet up with a friend after a long distance. Visit relatives who live far away.
4. Get busy personal growth. Change yourself. Start going to the pool or gym. Start studying foreign language. Go to self-development trainings. You can take an internship or special courses.
5. Increase your endorphin levels. They are produced when playing sports in large quantities. In addition, joy hormones are produced when doing what you love.

At this time, you should not delve into introspection, as well as the list positive qualities and those that you want to get rid of.

During a crisis, rational reasoning is ineffective. Much healthier is a walk, a candlelit dinner or a good night's sleep.
It is difficult to say whether there is any universal recipe in such a situation. After all, a lot depends on individual characteristics women.

Remember that effective methods are about caring for own body and maintaining wonderful relationships with loved ones.

An optimistic attitude and the right approach will help reduce difficult time. Don’t despair, and soon the long-awaited relief will come, and life will return to a successful track.

By the way, some women did not experience a midlife crisis and all because their lives were full various events. There is simply no time left to think.

If you want, write in the comments how you deal with a similar problem. The main thing is not to become discouraged. Remember that most women go through this period and you are not alone. See you soon for educational meetings, dear friends!

Hello, dear readers. Today we will talk about what a midlife crisis is for women. You will learn what reasons may influence its development. Find out what signs may indicate a crisis. You will know how to behave if he has already arrived.

General information

If you are interested in the question, at what age does a crisis begin for women, then this is usually after the 38th birthday. However, it may occur earlier if there is:

• endocrine diseases;
• serious stress (intellectual or physical);
• difficult family situation;
• a serious upheaval in life, such as the loss of a job or a loved one.

If you are interested in the question of how long this crisis lasts, then it could be either one or three years.

The danger of this period is:

• loss of family ties;
• frayed nerves;
• turning into a hysteric;
• family loss;
• transition to a dissolute lifestyle;
• loss of property or job;
• gaining excess weight;

Possible reasons

There are a number of factors that can influence the development of the crisis:

• deterioration in appearance;
• lack of former strength;
• health problems;
• having friends who have more successful lives;
• the presence of examples of women who lost their attractiveness and remained lonely.

First, let's look at the physiological reasons.

1. Changes in appearance. A woman notices that she has imperfections, wrinkles, gray hair, and changes in her figure. All this really hurts her. emotional state. But it is necessary to understand that she is able to change this state of affairs. You need to use good cosmetics, sign up for a fitness class or gym, start going to the pool, go to the hairdresser. A woman who takes care of her appearance remains at her best at any age and looks attractive.
2. Changes in hormone balance. Menopause can occur at 40 or 50 years of age. A woman can delay this time if she keeps herself busy, doesn’t sit in one place, and continues to pay attention physical activity. It is important to walk a lot; it would be nice to visit the pool or gym. If there is a hormonal imbalance, be sure to visit a gynecologist or endocrinologist who will help by prescribing replacement therapy.

A crisis can also arise for psychological reasons.

1. Marital status. A woman who is over thirty begins to feel inadequate if she never got married and did not become a mother. Some young ladies decide to have a child for themselves, without a man. The appearance of a toddler allows you to look at yourself and the world differently. If for some reason a woman cannot become a mother, she should not dwell on this, devote herself to her career and satisfying her needs. Girls who have managed to find themselves married may experience problems in their family life; their husband and his shortcomings begin to infuriate them; they seem unbearable. And at this time, children may begin to experience a teenage crisis, which will also create a negative atmosphere in the family. It is necessary to understand that everything should be golden mean. You need to talk to the child as an equal, and instead of your spouse’s shortcomings, pay attention to his strengths. During this period, women often get divorced. And this aggravates their condition even more. The fact is that it may also happen, because of which he will take a young mistress and go to her. But this is not a reason to give up on yourself. You can prove to your ex that he has lost a treasure, that you are happy without him.
2. Social status. If a woman, having crossed the threshold of forty, has not achieved certain successes in society and, in particular, in her career, she begins to develop serious complexes. You need to turn around and understand that besides this, there is a lot of beauty in life. Surely, you have become an excellent mother, a good wife, and friend. If you have not achieved success in your professional field, there is definitely something in which you have succeeded. You can decide on it and devote yourself to it. Try to be as often as possible good mood, don't get upset. Make sure you can be happy.

Characteristic manifestations

The following symptoms may indicate that you are in crisis:

• tearfulness, which occurs even with the slightest problems and for no reason;
• — interest in everything that previously evoked strong emotions disappears;
• depression - a woman loses any desires, she feels empty, useless;
• irritability - everything around begins to enrage;
• lack of vision for the future;
• strong regret about what is already behind;
• development of hypochondria or indifferent attitude to your health;
• extremes in intimate life- can either change hands, change sexual partners like gloves, or vice versa become a “nun”;
• attacks, even for minor reasons.

Age characteristics

Consider the stages of the crisis depending on the age at which it occurs.

Between the ages of 20 and 25:

• if a woman has already started a family, then during this period she may become dissatisfied with her choice; her husband turned out to be not so good, he has a lot of shortcomings;
• quarrels arise with the spouse’s parents, misunderstandings;
• if you want to give birth to a baby, you cannot conceive;
• a pregnancy that the husband does not like and he insists on terminating it;
• undergoing a difficult birth that led to the development of depression;
• The woman begins to feel apathy, she is engaged in soul-searching, and is full of despondency.

It is important to be able to overcome yourself, to realize that everything is not as bad as it seems and to overcome this condition.

Age from 30 to 35 years:

• a crisis begins if tasks were set that could not be achieved before this time;
• a woman may give birth to a child very early and not be able to achieve success in her career, or, on the contrary, she may be so carried away by her work that she will not give birth to a child by this age.

It is necessary to understand that everything is still ahead.

The age from 40 to 45 years is the true period when we can talk about a midlife crisis:

• in addition to psychological moments, during this period there are physiological changes in a woman's body;
• signs of approaching old age become noticeable, the realization arises that youth has already been lost;
• it will no longer be possible to give birth, it will not be possible to change anything in life;
• the condition can be aggravated by loneliness and problems at work.

From 45 to 50 years:

• active aging begins;
• retirement age is just around the corner;
• health problems are increasingly occurring;
• appears .

1. It must be recognized that the crisis is life stage, and not the end of life.
2. What appears in the head are the consequences of accumulated fatigue or an advanced disease associated with an imbalance of hormones.
3. Take care of your vacation. Maintain a daily routine, change active work passive, avoid sitting in front of the computer or watching the news before bed.
4. Learn.
5. Dedicate time to physical activity, play sports, just running in the morning or walking a lot is enough.
6. Improve yourself. For example, learn a new foreign language or master a skill, such as sewing or baking cakes.
7. Travel as much as possible, even within your own area. This will allow you to expand your horizons.
8. Pay attention to your significant other. Look after yourself. This way you can feel your importance.
9. If you suspect a hormone imbalance, be sure to consult an endocrinologist.

Now you know what to do if symptoms of a crisis arise. It is necessary to understand that no one is immune from this. One day it will touch every woman. The main thing is to be able to meet it with your head held high and quickly say goodbye to its manifestations. If the problem is to blame psychological nature– contact a psychologist; if the cause is hormonal imbalances, contact an endocrinologist.

The concept of a midlife crisis is familiar to many firsthand: at the age of 35-40, this phenomenon overtakes most people. A midlife crisis can be especially difficult for women because they are more emotional and sensitive than men.

Let's figure out what a female midlife crisis is, how it manifests itself, get acquainted with its features and possible reasons and find out how you can fight it.

Signs of a crisis

How can you understand that you or someone close to you (mother, sister or friend) are experiencing difficulties in overcoming the age threshold of 35-40 years? Let's consider the main symptoms of a midlife crisis with a focus on the female audience:

• amorphous state, reluctance to do anything;
• desire to change your regular sex life, searching for a new partner;
• urges to change jobs or areas of activity;
• frequent mood changes;
• depression, anxiety;
• continuous introspection and self-criticism;
• desire to change appearance(lose weight, change hairstyle and wardrobe).