It is very important for a person to become happy, to live surrounded by loving and understanding people. In order to feel the harmony and happiness of life, you need to be able to sympathize and understand other people. The amazing feeling that this opportunity gives is called empathy.
Explaining what empathy is, a definition of this gift can be given, armed with knowledge Greek language. In Greek, “empathy” means “compassion, empathy.” Simply put, an empath person subtly perceives the feelings and emotions of others, he knows how to deeply sympathize with people. At the same time, the empath does not lose control over his own feelings.
Empathy - the ability to feel others
Empathy – unique ability, it is not given to every person. This term was first introduced into scientific use famous psychotherapist Edward Titchner. Scientists have developed a scale for determining the level of empathy in people and the principles of its classification. His developments are also used in modern psychology.
According to psychologists, now pressing problem modern society there becomes a strong lack of ability to empathize. A leading expert in the field of psychology, Douglas Labier, even coined the definition of EDS (empathy deficit syndrome).
This magical ability has many classifications and types. Empathy can exist in its pure (classical) form, or it can include a variety of additional aspects.
Emotions of strangers as if they were your own
Empathy is a person’s ability to subtly perceive the misfortunes of others. She never found rational explanation. Empathic perception does not depend on a person’s intellectual level or education. Most scientists are inclined to believe that empathy is an ability transmitted at the genetic level.
What is empathy This skill is an important addition to professional activities many specialists:
- psychoanalysts gain a complete understanding of the patient’s mental and emotional state;
- For psychologists, empathy serves as an important lever for understanding the interlocutor and accurately identifying problematic conditions;
- for criminologists, such a gift helps to piece together the slightest nuances about the thoughts and feelings of the victim/criminal;
- Doctors can assess how ready a patient is for medical manipulations and how effectively the patient responds to treatment;
Empathic ability is considered not just important, but also a necessary quality for people. This is especially true for those whose work activity directly related to communication: teachers, educators, managers, agents, executives, sellers, cosmetologists, stylists.
How empathy begins
You can notice that a person subtly perceives the feelings of others in early childhood. Little empaths:
- They react too actively to any manifestation of parental emotions. The raised timbre of the voice responds to quarrels with crying.
- Somatic problems also appear: the baby’s face turns red, the heart begins to beat more often, and increased sweating occurs.
Scientists note that empathic children are more likely to appear in families where parents show great attention to other people's feelings. Innate empathy can fade over time or become stronger and more pronounced. A warm, trusting environment in the family, competent upbringing based on caring for others helps to strengthen the ability to feel.
What does the ability to empathize depend on?
Empathy in psychology is complex science, based on a primary sincere disposition towards the interlocutor, the desire to understand him and listen to him. The empathic gift is also influenced by a number of others. personal qualities(character, level of education, intelligence):
- Qualities such as pedantry, severity, and dryness interfere with the full manifestation of empathic abilities.
- If a person has egocentrism (focusing on himself), empathy is unfamiliar to him.
- Not enough high level intelligence prevents the empath from adequately assessing the situation. Such a person will incorrectly substantiate the interlocutor’s feelings.
Individuals with a high threshold of intellectual and spiritual development are more likely to show true, deep empathy. Such people know how to come into close contact with the emotions of others, passing them through themselves. They are intuitively aware of the thoughts that torment their interlocutors and adequately assess the emotional states of their opponents.
In addition to the ability to empathize and subtly feel the emotions of others, empaths can also vividly perceive exciting situations from books, films, and theater productions.
Is it good to be an empath?
Having learned what empathy is, many people strive to develop such abilities. But don’t rush headlong into the pool. Empathy is an important skill, but it needs to be used wisely. Many owners of the gift suffer from it. After all, it is extremely important for empaths to have strong will and a strong, mature character. Otherwise, coping with the influx of other people's emotions becomes an impossible task.
After all, in addition to the invaluable advantages:
- the ability to help family and friends;
- resolution of any conflict situations;
- the inability to be deceived and deceived;
- excellent prospects for professionalism.
Empathy has negative aspects, reverse side medals. The disadvantages of this ability include:
- frequent feeling of emptiness;
- risk of developing mental disorders;
- rapid emotional “burnout”;
- lack of reciprocity, which adds unnecessary worries;
- a heightened perception of moral pain that empaths cannot resist.
Features of the manifestation of empathic inclinations vary from person to person. They depend on the level and type of gift to which a particular person is inclined.
Types of empathic abilities
Among specialists, there is a developed classification that defines the categories, forms and degrees of empathic abilities. The gradation was developed by Carl Ransom Rogers (American educator and psychologist).
Basic categories of empathy Categories of empathy
According to psychological classification, the empathic gift is divided into three types:
Emotional. An emotionally empathic person is a person who perceives other people's experiences very closely. They're in literally words pass them through themselves, accepting the pain of the interlocutor as their own. At any moment they respond to the misfortune of strangers and always come to the rescue.
Emotional empathy is the most common, and it is on this that friendly and understanding relationships are built.
Cognitive. A gift of this level is based on the ability to analyze the information received. The first thing cognitive empaths do is to comparative characteristics, analyzing your own thoughts and those of your opponents.
Such people not only subtly perceive and feel the emotions of their interlocutors, but also connect own intelligence to thoroughly analyze the events. Their important task– realize and fully understand. This type of empathy is observed in scientific debates and discussions.
Predicative. “Predicate” means “a certain statement about a certain subject.” This level of empathic abilities is based on the ability to predict the behavior and sensations of opponents on an intuitive level. Such manifestations are more clearly observed in any conflict situations and quarrels. A predicative empath knows how to put himself in the place of his interlocutor and understand his experiences “from the inside”, not by contemplating, but by penetrating deep.
All categories of empathic abilities are observed in every person, to one degree or another. The level of their development depends on the character of the individual, temperamental characteristics and the development of brain activity.
Forms of empathic abilities
Among empaths, psychologists also distinguish two individual species empathic state:
- Sympathy. An ability that is formed by the emergence of a personal sensory relationship to an event occurring with an opponent.
- Empathy. Empathic empathy is based on the emergence of persistent emotions in the empath, the same as those experienced by the interlocutor.
How different forms of empathy manifest themselves can be understood by observing the empath's reaction. For example, if during a conversation the opponent begins to worry to the point of tears, provoking reciprocal tears in an empathic person - this is the ability to empathize.
With sympathy, an empathic person begins to express his own sound emotions similar to those experienced by the interlocutor.
Levels of empathy development
Among psychologists, there are certain tests that help identify the degree of development of empathic abilities. There are four of these levels:
High (affective). This level is characterized by an increased ability to fully penetrate and feel the feelings of others. The empath “gets used to” the problems of his opponent to such an extent that he ceases to distinguish his own misfortunes from those of others.
If an empath does not have a strong, tough character, affective empathy can cause him mental and personal problems.
Such individuals often suffer from overly developed impressionability and vulnerability. They have ultra-fine mental organization. If empaths are able to cope with the flow of other people's troubles, professional field they achieve high skill.
The main rule of empathy Elevated. Empaths at this level of development perceive other people's pain and emotions without much harm to themselves. They show sincere interest in the problems of the interlocutor, but maintain a certain delicate distance. Such individuals are communicative, social, they easily find common language with any person.
Normal. The most common level of empathic abilities. It is manifested by a good, innate gift of understanding the problems of strangers. Such a person is not indifferent to the troubles of others and is responsive to help. Increased participation in troubles and problems on the part of the empath falls on close and dear people rather than on strangers.
Short. There are also people who have a complete lack of empathy. These individuals are also called “anti-empaths.” They are no different flexible thinking and are unable to look at the problem from the outside. Nothing will force them to accept the opponent’s position if it differs from their own.
Anti-empaths are entirely focused on personal life and problems, they experience some discomfort among strangers. These are bright, egocentric introverts with a narrow circle of friends and pronounced problems in the ability to communicate with others.
How to become an empath
Is it possible to develop innate empathic abilities? According to psychologists, empathy can be trained and improved (provided you have such a gift). Various trainings and specially designed exercises to develop mindfulness will help with this..
How to develop empathy Especially good helpers in the training of empathic abilities, artistic sketches become. These include:
- face memory training;
- an exercise on the ability to look at yourself from the outside;
- transformation into other people, animals, birds, insects.
The development of empathy is facilitated by associative games, dancing, watching good exciting films, listening to music. Develop your own emotionality, and empathy will come with it. But before you become an empath, determine for yourself whether you really need such an ability and whether you can control it.
A study conducted among two and a half thousand English men, showed that 70 of them had forced “sex”. In the UK, women are increasingly raping men. And this trend seems to be characteristic not only of this country, known for its primness and traditionalism.
The “victims” of the British themselves defined what happened to them as “the use of force or other measures to force them to do what they did not want.” In this regard, Professor Michael King of the Royal School of Medicine said that sexually “predatory” women, like their “colleagues” of the other sex, should be held accountable for forcing men into relationships that could cause them “serious mental and other harm”.
Well-known psychologists from Yale University, Sarrel and Masters, back in 1982, reliably described 11 cases of sexual assault by women on men, including a number of cases in which women forced men to have sexual intercourse. Here is just a brief description of a few of them.
A woman tied up a 23-year-old man and then, threatening him with a scalpel, forced him to have sexual intercourse.
Two black women forced a 37-year-old married man to perform sex acts on them at gunpoint.
A 27-year-old truck driver met a woman and decided to spend the night with her at a motel. Waking up in the morning, he found his mouth gagged, his eyes blindfolded, and his hands tied to the bed. Four women, threatening to castrate him if he was not active enough, forced the man to have sexual intercourse with him. He felt the touch of the knife on his genitals. The torment continued for more than a day, during which he was repeatedly forced to copulate.
Of course, in many ways these examples reflect like a mirror what happens when women are raped by men. One of the most remarkable things that emerged is that despite the fear that gripped these men, they retained the ability to be sexually active. This, to a certain extent, makes it possible to understand the fact that some women experience sexual arousal to some extent during rape (for example, vaginal wetting, orgasm). In neither case physical reaction does not mean that the victim receives pleasure; however, women who become sexually active during rape often feel guilty.
Many men, as well as women, who are victims of violence subsequently experience sexual problems. They feel less than normal because of their reaction to rape and believe that they do not meet the criteria of “masculinity.”
The embarrassment felt by men who have been raped by women, and the belief that the police will not believe their stories, means that such crimes are almost unknown. Only a few men turn to doctors about sexual problems arising as a result of violence; the majority prefer not to share their feelings and experiences about this with anyone.
Chicago Madness
One of the most high-profile cases regarding aggressive sexual behavior of representatives of the fair sex dates back to the summer of 2003, says Probuem.ru. What happened in the American city of Chicago for almost three months simply unsettled the local police chief. Complaints poured out of a holey bag from men who had been raped by large groups of women. This happened, as a rule, on the outskirts of the city. Masked women attacked the men, dragged them somewhere and fucked them until they were completely physically exhausted. All these victims then became hospital patients. One of the victims, Harry Glenham, said that he was dragged into some dilapidated building, where women, like flies, swarmed around their other victim. He himself was immediately stripped and immediately subjected to abuse.
Harry can't remember how many ladies have been on his dick. As soon as the erection weakened somewhat, his instrument immediately fell into someone’s hot mouth. And the rapists continuously rubbed their private parts against his mouth.
The police launched a real hunt for this gang. But it was very difficult to catch the rapists, because they never staged their orgies where they had already raped once.
Police dressed in plainclothes wandered through suspicious neighborhoods, some of them themselves became victims of crime, but this did not advance the investigation at all.
Then the agents were equipped with sensor microphones that not only transmitted sound, but also made it possible to determine the location of the owner.
And now it’s done. While agent John Slyberg, captured by the rapists, wriggled and moaned loudly under them, a column of police cars rushed at high speed to the crime scene. This time, to their surprise, it turned out to be an apartment. Having knocked down the door with several blows, the police rushed to the aid of their comrade, twisted the rapist’s hands, but found no one else there.
It turned out that John just turned home to fuck his own wife and completely forgot about the microphone.
The next day the same thing happened to Slieberg. It no longer occurred to anyone to send a reinforced outfit there. Only the enraged boss ordered this idiot to be immediately brought to his office. Two policemen immediately went after him. John was never brought. But his signal was also joined by the signals of his colleagues.
At first they decided that all three already had Slieberg’s not very picky wife. What was alarming, however, was too many voluptuous female screams and moans. It was decided, just in case, to surround the place where the signals came from. At a construction site surrounded by a high fence, police found large group scurrying bodies. The women also dragged another man here.
Most of the rapists were detained. It turned out that they were all members of a special feminist group consisting of women who themselves were once victims of male violence. There were about forty of them. The group took revenge on the enemy male tribe. The gang appeared in court.
Chicago police officials admitted that this is not the first such case in their city. But if earlier men were used by female youth groups, who had fun in this way, and then also robbed their victims, then such organized actions of mature ladies were observed for the first time
What does the Criminal Code say?
Interestingly, the new Criminal Code adopted in Russia in 2002 actually allows women to rape men with impunity. With the adoption of the new Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, only women are considered victims of rape. There is not a single woman convicted of raping men in Russian colonies. Such cases were not registered even under the old Criminal Procedure Code. New Russian legislation and even considers the concept of “violence” only as sexual actions towards women.
AiF talks about the only case of rape of a man by Russian women considered in court. Ten years ago from the colony Krasnoyarsk Territory A group of female prisoners escaped, taking a guard with them. In the forest lodge the fugitives pulled reproductive organ the victims were wired and forced to give pleasure to the hostage for several hours. The judge gave them a harsh sentence. Not for rape, but for causing grievous bodily harm.
Apparently, for Russian women, somewhat different problems related to gender relations are relevant. According to the study "Women and Prison", of the 100 convicted of murdering women, 46% killed their husbands or cohabitants, another 25 percent - close relatives.
Meanwhile, in Ukraine, the new Criminal Code, adopted in 2001, turned out to be more advanced in this regard. In the “youth” Article 152 (formerly 117th), a new concept of “person” was introduced instead of “woman”. That is, liability for rape is also provided for women who have raped this very “person” by force.
Let's listen to a specialist
The topic is commented on by a Russian sex therapist, Ph.D. medical sciences Yuri Prokopenko.
“In the criminal codes of different countries, rape is recognized as certain acts that are carried out by men or women on women, as well as by men on men. Cases where a man appears as the raped person, and a woman as the rapist, are not even the subject of legal proceedings. Meanwhile, reports of men being raped by women regularly appear in the press, and not only in the tabloid press.
IN Russian literature the first descriptions appeared at the beginning of the twentieth century. Until 1917, there were about a dozen of them, then messages on this topic disappeared.
In foreign scientific sources For a hundred years, the topic of rape of a man by a woman periodically arose in response to the next newspaper sensation. But scientific research still almost none.
Almost all descriptions of rape scenes proceed in the same way. A man is forced to have intercourse under threats of murder or castration. Of course, as with “ordinary” rape (of a woman by a man), a variety of options are possible. For example, in a number of cases, the rape of a man occurred as a continuation of sadomasochistic games familiar to the couple. For example, a 26-year-old New York woman tied up her 29-year-old lover during love play, and then forced him to perform repeated acts, threatening him with a scalpel. The man believed that he was forced into intimacy, and on this basis he filed a lawsuit.
In the United States, two women stopped a 34-year-old man on the street late at night and, at gunpoint, forced him to perform a sexual act with each of them.
In France, a woman invited a 26-year-old acquaintance to visit, with whom they had the first intimacy in their romance. Then two of her friends appeared in the room. The three of them tied the man up and, under pain of castration, forced him to be the object of oral sex, which was interspersed with regular intercourse. The man was “captured” for more than a day, and then was released with the wishes “not to tell anyone about this, otherwise it will be bad.”
In Spain, a 27-year-old truck driver spent the night with a local woman, and the next morning he found himself tied to a motel bed. Four women threatened to kill him or castrate him if he was not active enough. For two days he was forced to have intercourse, and they injected him twice into the penis to get an erection.
IN Russian message hundred years ago two women, 30 and 29 years old, got a visiting merchant drunk and carried him underground, where they tied him to a bench. Then they aroused him and used him for sexual pleasures. The base of the penis was tied with a thin cord to maintain an erection (by the way, this tactic does not lead to an improvement in erection at all). Two days later, the merchant managed to free himself, but was forced to part with his manhood due to gangrene, which began due to ligation with a lace.
Single scientific works, dedicated to such cases, consider female rapists to be victims of rape, who transferred their fear and disgust towards the rapist to all men. Therefore, the actions of these ladies are regarded as an act of revenge, not sex.
In fact, this statement is controversial. There are quite a few cases where female victims of rape took revenge on men in much more prosaic ways, usually by killing one of them. In addition, male victims claimed that their rapists experienced arousal and orgasm. Therefore, rather we're talking about about a peculiar form of sadistic perversion in women.
For men who have experienced this sexual violence, psychological and sexual problems are common in the future. “Unmanly” behavior and the role of a victim in the hands of women sharply reduce self-esteem and do not allow one to look at women as objects of possible sexual contact. There are also depressions, more or less prolonged cessation of sexual activity, sleep and appetite disturbances.
The fantastic nature of the situation, doubts that others will believe what happened, lead to the fact that the facts of rape do not become known. Men experience mental trauma even more alone than women who are raped.”
While the material was being prepared
A fresh example, as they say, out of the heat. In Norway, a court recently sentenced a woman to 9 months in prison for raping a man. This is the first time such a sentence has been passed in this country.
At a private party, after drinking heavily, a 31-year-old man fell asleep on the sofa. Later, in a court in the city of Bergen, in the east of the country, he said that he woke up because a girl was giving him a blowjob.
Under Norwegian law, all sexual acts on a person who is “unconscious or otherwise unable to resist” are considered assault. The court sentenced the woman to 9 months in prison and to pay monetary compensation in the amount of 40 thousand Norwegian kroner (4920 euros).
"It's very severe punishment"- said the woman's lawyer, who, defending the accused, tried to prove that the man did not sleep, but only pretended, which should be regarded as voluntary consent...
For starters, a little humor, if, of course, it is appropriate in a given situation. The nameless author of one of the Internet sites instructs those “unlucky ones” who have fallen into the sexual teeth of aggressors.
What a man who is being raped by a woman needs to know
If you are a man and a woman rapes you, consider yourself very lucky. You are lucky. After all, not everyone is able to interest a woman to such an extent. This instruction is of a practical nature. She will help you take into account all the nuances in advance and get out of such situations with honor.
Firstly. Don't lose your courage. Be confident. Why don't you live up to other people's expectations? Remember that if a woman pounces on you, she is trying to get a very specific pleasure. Otherwise, she will get angry, and you may run into serious trouble. So, the rapist cut off Arkady's testicles. For thirty whole minutes she struggled unsuccessfully with his insensitivity. And he, instead of helping, complained about life and sniffled. It is not surprising that the woman’s patience ran out and Arkasha was left without testicles. But Valery was sure, when he was knocked down in the forest by two women, that he could withstand more than two. In fact, soon two more approached. But no one stood up with Valeria disappointed.
Secondly. Relax. Don't express displeasure. All the same, a woman will not be convicted of violence against a man. Petty hooliganism - no more. So spread your legs freely and don't squeeze them. What happens cannot be avoided. Rest assured, the rapist will not let you go until she receives complete satisfaction. Don't scream, don't call for help. They won’t hear you, but they can simply gag you with your own underpants. This is exactly what Sergei experienced himself. So it turns out that it’s better for you to take advantage of the happy opportunity and be able to rejoice yourself.
Thirdly. Throw away all proud principles. Forget all the now useless thoughts, like, I’m a man - and they’re raping me. Just then you will turn out to be a man if you are able to give pleasure to a woman. That's why she decided to do a wonderful thing. One day, in a ravine, Vladimir was taken possession of by an unknown woman. And he was happy. All this time he thought how wonderful and how easy it was to bring joy to women in this way.
Fourthly. Do not prevent the rapist from undressing you and undressing herself. This will be more pleasant and convenient for both of you. Lowered pants and a raised skirt do not at all provide the opportunity to experience the joy of complete communication, contact, and merging of bodies. When his secretary entered Oleg’s office with serious intentions, he simply sank into a chair and placed himself completely at her disposal. The hours that followed left him with the most wonderful memories.
Fifthly. Close your eyes and surrender to the sensations completely. It’s not always possible that your rapist will like you at first sight and cause a reciprocal desire. However, the happiness of love that is done to you is felt, first of all, by every cell of your body. Boris was sunbathing naked in a clearing and fell asleep. He woke up to someone lying on him, on his errogated phallus. Boris pretended to continue sleeping. He didn't know what kind of woman was with him. With every part of his body he participated in the play of breasts, belly, womb, thighs, legs, arms, lips. The feeling was bubbling, and its pure element, without evaluation by the eyes, turned out to be a real holiday for Boris.
Sixth. Control your ejaculation. Remember, your rapist should not main task the outpouring of your sperm. A woman wants to experience more of her own orgasms. So you too experience your orgasm wave after wave to your health, glow and purify with passion, but also make sure that there is no ejaculation. At least until you satisfy everyone. Otherwise, you will ruin the holiday for yourself and others. You are required to have empathy and a firm phallus. So be a gentleman, not a wimpy egomaniac. Make a woman happy and ejaculate into her only when she asks for it. As was the case with Fedor, who was immediately told that they wanted to have children from him. There were three rapists, it was a bit difficult, but Fedor coped with the task.
Seventh. Don't stop the woman from raping you further. Don't create a lot of trouble for her by being tired. George's trouble was that he did not know how to control the eruption. He did not practice every day, but only from casual connection to random connection. When Georgy was crushed under himself in the taiga, he was easily aroused, but he ejaculated just as easily. And he was no longer fit for anything, and five more women who held him tightly by the arms and legs and impatiently waited for their turn were not in his arms. Well, George could experience so many passionate and burning caresses! Instead, his groin was fruitlessly crushed and he was brutally beaten until he bled.
Eighth. Don't try to act on your own. Help only when asked. Be obedient. If they lift your legs up to your head or poke you with your crotch in your mouth, don’t slow down. It is better for the rapist to know what to do with you next. Nothing will be taken away from you. You are not at risk of pregnancy. So why else worry? Stanislav lay on his back like a lord and simply enjoyed it so much. But Alexander was not lucky. He turned the rapist over and picked up the pace. The woman screamed that she was being raped. Alexander had to flee. But if he had not shown tactlessness and rudeness, so much pleasure would have awaited him!
Ninth. Don't lie on a passive rubber mat. If you feel ticklish, feel free to laugh; if you feel very good, let your body squirm and move sweetly and passionately. Sigh, moan, groan, but avoid unnatural volume and false phrases and words. Be attentive to the behavior of the abuser. When the rider turned Nikolai over and wrapped her legs around him, he correctly understood that the time had come for him to act. Slow and deep frictions were in place. The sealing of the scrotum caused unusually piercing sensations in the partners. Kolya did not get hung up on the monotonous movements of the phallus and pelvis, he boldly moved from one position to another, did not hold back his imagination and truly proved that the woman was not mistaken in choosing him.
Tenth. When the woman gets up and leaves you, remain indifferent to her departure and continue to be in the pleasure you have experienced. Do not make acquaintances, conversations, do not express your assessment of what is happening, unless the woman asks you to do so. Most often, a woman is not going to tell anything about herself. She received satisfaction and now, rest assured, she has already forgotten about you. When the rapists left, Valery was grateful to them from the bottom of his heart for the pleasure they had given him. And he expressed his gratitude through silence, he lay happy on the sidelines and smiled quietly, allowing them to leave calmly.
Well, women don’t rape men at every turn. However a real man must always be chivalrously ready for this. It is not good to offend women and, even more so, to mortally insult them by neglecting their direct men's responsibilities. However, embarrassment can be avoided in advance.
Here are some simple tips:
- pay great attention to cleanliness of the body and genitals every day. Wash yourself with water. If your penis or you yourself smell bad, this can quickly make any rapist want to;
- do gymnastics daily, developing all breathing muscles. What pleases you personally and other people is not how your phallus jumps on its own, but how it sounds and plays in harmony with your entire healthy body;
- train your phallus daily. His capabilities are developed through honest work. Be sexually happy with your spouse, with your beloved, at least twice a day - morning and evening. And if you had to fall asleep or wake up alone, your hand is always with you. But keep your head on your shoulders during all exercises. Often the eruption is unnecessary;
- having a clean and trained phallus, stop worrying about anything petty. For example, that when they start raping you, you won’t have enough lubrication. Don't doubt it, the vagina of an excited woman will completely envelop your phallus with lubricant. So you will bathe in it like cheese in butter;
- once again firmly emphasize that violence can only come from a woman. If you go to rape a woman yourself, you will, without any doubt, have problems with the criminal code. And you will sit in the zone, and women will never rape you.
“The pink corset highlights my tiny waist and full hips. The white cups protrude attractively. I am dressed in amazing clothes... She leads me into the yard, to the tree where I will be tied and hung. Her husband takes his time taking photographs. I am a captive slave, distinguished by her beauty. I am an untouched virgin who must be taken by force. Everything between my legs was shaking. My ribs and muscles stretched between heaven and earth, between hell and heaven.”
Veronica Vera.
Description of her initiation into bondage play.
Washington, DC.
IN Eronica testified before the Meese Pornography Commission in defense of sexual bondage. A dark-haired beauty, she was somewhat similar to the iconic fifties “put queen” Bettie Page, whose photographs were viewed from many walls; before that, she was called by the Kifover Commission to investigate pornography cases. Ironically (and all the more impressive), underground sadomasochistic groups flourished in the District of Columbia, the main location of the “inquisitors”.
The closed society "Black Rose" supposedly includes almost half of the various government officials.
According to Michael, he finally understood why women get aroused by bondage after reading Vera's story, published in a sex magazine he purchased from a store in Times Square.
- Women like submissiveness, Michael assures me. - They love to be tied up because it deprives them of responsibility and allows them to feel themselves in that subordinate role that suits their nature. I love women. I'm a true romantic, the guy who always brings a single red rose to a date., he says, tapping index finger along a red bud on a long stalk, surrounded by a “web” and sealed in plastic, reminiscent of a condom.
The flower lies between us on the table, next to my recorder, at Kramer's Books and Afterwards Cafe in Washington. Did he bring this rose as a visual aid for the interview? Or does he think that this second meeting of ours will end with him introducing me “up close and personal” to his favorite sex game of “tie and tease”?
Beads of sweat tremble on his eyebrows. It's the eighth day it's been nearly 40 degrees in D.C., and he's sweating slightly as he walks half a block from the subway station. He smiles. At the first meeting we talked about the history of his personal and sex life, with the exception of binding. His mother gave birth to him at sixteen and died in a car accident three years later. He was raised by his grandmother and two aunts. He never knew his father. Maybe, as an adult, he takes pleasure in tying up women, since he experienced “matriarchy” as a child? He says he was never tied up. Michael doesn't remember if he played "cowboys and Indians", although, of course, he should have; in those days, there were many half-hours about cowboys on Saturday mornings: “The Lonesome Tramp,” “Sky King,” and others.
I ask the waitress to bring our order - cappuccino and ice. Michael glances meaningfully from the rose to my wrists, eventually looking into my eyes.
- In your thoughts, - I tell him.
- Only in fantasies, he corrects. - In my fantasies. You know that movie that women love (I'm sure you do too: I think you're that type), Tie Me Up, which (you've read enough psychology books to know) is the ultimate female rape fantasy . A man kidnaps her, ties her to a bed and makes love to her like no one has ever done before. When she accidentally frees herself, she ties herself back. It's clear?
Who won't understand this? It doesn't take a film critic to explain that this is a film about a "sleeping beauty" who meets the rapist of her dreams.
- Tell me the first time you tied up a woman, - I ask, turning on the recorder.
Binding is the erotic restraint of freedom, the sensual experience of safe captivity, it is the beginning of all discussions of sadomasochism (although some sadists find rope bondage too boring, and some masochists can tolerate pain but not any restraint). Bound women were depicted in drawings that have come down to us from time immemorial, from ancient Japan and China. And in modern Japan bondage traditions flourish. It's understandable that some men find the look helpless tied up woman exciting, but what does a woman (or man) yearning for unfreedom get from such an experience?
The bonds grip you roughly, preventing you from breathing. They change the way we perceive the world; with prolonged acts of tying, they seem to become tighter and tighter, although they do not physically become tighter. Even comfortable, gentle bondage causes stress to the body. Classic pose "slaves"- arms above your head - impressive in photographs, but in reality you cannot stay in it for long. Pose "spread eagle" lying on the bed can lead to muscle cramps. Tying is not as easy as it seems.
Although the bonds may be nothing more than thin silk scarves, they take you back to the game of childhood, when the Indians tied the cowboy to a chair, or when you sat holding your breath in a darkened movie theater while the bad guys tied the hero or heroine to a larger chair; they return you to a situation of safe captivity, where you have no influence on what is happening. Linking is the starting point. Tied up man relinquishes power of his own free will.
For many couples, tying up is also the end-all be-all because they never go beyond the usual "tie-and-tease" play, in which control of the situation is given to the partner, who becomes responsible for making sure everyone has fun. I myself several times tied my partner to the headboard with his tie or a silk belt from my robe and brought him to orgasm orally; in these cases, I felt like a person preparing a surprise party, and not like a “ruler.”
Once I tied my partner’s wrists and ankles together and blindfolded him with another scarf. Then I put on a feathered Mardi Gras mask and licked his body from his nipples to his groin, the feathers following the path of my tongue. He could try to free himself, but why would he want to? I was also tied up and brought to many orgasms, sometimes the man would remove his tongue from me just when the orgasm was about to begin, and make me wait, maybe a few seconds, and then slowly tilt his face towards me again. What we were practicing was an ancient technique of enhancing orgasm through a prolonged process of arousal, a game that almost every sexually uninhibited person has tried at least once. But this erotic change of power is nonetheless symbolic.
One of my friends says:
- I was dealing with a man who liked to handcuff me to the bed. I allowed him to do this because he was cunnilingus the entire time I was chained up. One night he went to the bathroom and left the bedroom door open; I was seen by his roommate passing by. I was so embarrassed that I later broke up with him.
Here's what another says:
- We tried these games in college. One day we got drunk and my boyfriend dropped the key to the handcuffs behind the heating grill. We were caught by my roommate, who was also my cousin. I had to call campus security. Since then I've played bondage, but never with handcuffs. Only with products that can be cut with scissors.
Like everyone who engages in this mild form of "restraint" (some call it "love bondage"), neither the friends described above nor I have any desire to engage in "hard" bondage, its extreme forms, sometimes accompanied by spanking, spanking or other methods of "punishment".
Michael is now forty years old and has been divorced twice because his wives stopped arousing him, gaining weight during pregnancy and then failing to lose it. He is constantly in search of love that matches his “trademark” - rose buds, in search of perfection. He earns about $75,000 a year as a “highly qualified specialist.” I will limit myself to this vague description of his work at Michael's request so that he may not be recognized. A description of his appearance would hardly help to recognize him among the thousands of men of his age group living within the Washington metropolitan area: he is of average height and build. Neatly trimmed brown hair, graying at the temples, Blue eyes, a well-groomed beard interspersed with red and gray hair. He has shoes on his bare feet and is dressed in faded and frayed denim shorts and a black T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
I found Michael through an ad in a sadomasochistic publication. “I’m collecting material for a book, looking for people willing to give interviews, anonymity is guaranteed.” In addition to Michael, fourteen people responded, eight of them women.
- I'm not a fan of serious bondage., he explained over the phone. - I'm not a fan of "punishment". No Japanese rope tricks. I can do this, I can quit. I do this for women. Have you ever read romance novels? They like it when you overcome their resistance. I'm an erotic game player. Tying is just a game.
According to the respected professional journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, when asked to describe their sadomasochistic interests, women are much more likely than men to name mild spanking, oral sex, masturbation, erotic lingerie, and light bondage. Men prefer master-slave relationships, humiliation, anal sex and transvestism. Both sexes are equally inclined towards rubber and leather.
"Binding and Punishment" is what the Scene people call the game Michael plays.
A Bondage and Punishment enthusiast, according to their definition, is a person who incorporates elements of Bondage and Punishment into erotic play. If you've ever held your partner's wrists together above his or her head, then you've indulged in some light Bondage and Punishment. “Master” or “master” is the one who imposes restrictions, “slave” or “subordinate” is the one who experiences them. Having achieved being tied, a person can no longer resist or control pleasure and relieves himself of responsibility for sex and a guilt complex. For some, being tied up is enough to experience spontaneous orgasm. And for others, orgasm is not the main thing at all: fans of bondage believe that there are more acute experiences.
- First time I tied up a woman, says Michael, it started with me holding her arms above her head. She was very aggressive - real fire! I don’t know why I grabbed her like that, but it made her terribly inflamed. And that made me horny too.
While he was talking, I remembered one of my ex-lover, a Puerto Rican who loved to wring my hands above my head, whispering words of love in Spanish into my ear, while rubbing the head of his penis against my clitoris. I shudder at the memory. That man was very hot, but I definitely remained cold from the fact that he dominated me.
- We did this several times, continues Michael. - Then I asked her if I could use a silk scarf to tie her wrists to the bed, and she agreed. She did it as if only to please me, but that was not the case. She herself wanted it that way. I carefully watched her reaction - when I held or tied her, she always reacted more violently.
I look at Michael's rose. The thorn punctured a tiny hole in the plastic packaging. Now the flower is no longer hermetically sealed.
- From that moment on, my fascination with bondage began to slowly develop“,” he says, following my gaze and lightly touching the thorn with his index finger. - I didn't do that with my next woman because she didn't like having her hands held. Then I started an affair with one little girl who was really passionate and wanted to experience all sorts of “stuff”. She asked me to spank her, but I didn't really want to, so I said I would tie her up. It happened at her home. She opened the drawer of the dresser that stood next to the bed. There she was found to have police handcuffs, leather wrist and ankle straps, several silk cords of varying lengths, a red satin blindfold and a ball gag. The ball resembled one of those rough rubber toys that are thrown to dogs to train them. He cooled me down somewhat. I asked her to allow me to tie a scarf over her mouth.
But although she had a lot of toys, in essence, she wanted one thing: to be crucified on a bed, blindfolded, and then sucked and fucked with all her might. Only in this scenario. It seemed to her that everything was happening differently every time due to the fact that she didn’t know whether I wanted to get between her legs with my tongue or my dick.
Did he think about the reason why this “spunky babe”, a pretty administrator of a cosmetics company, wants to be crucified and deprived of the ability to see during sex? No. “She never complained about mistreatment. Her father was a clergyman or something like that, there’s nothing dirty about her background.”
Is he tired of the limited erotic scenario?
- No no. I lost interest in her for a variety of reasons. She had no charm. If you want to get to know a woman, you discover that she is not at all what you imagined her to be. It doesn't matter whether she's into bondage or not. It's not a matter of "I'm tired of all this because she wants to get fucked the same way every time." I could have continued with her further, but there was no use for my abilities there.
After her, I met women who were either not interested in bondage, or they came to it gradually. Of course, I added binding to my experiments with them. And the tighter I tied them, the stronger their sexual reaction was.
One woman taught me how to tie breasts. You bring the rope under the base of your breasts and wrap it around your body and over your shoulders, creating the effect of an open bra. After this, you tie the woman’s waist with a rope. Thus, the breasts appear larger and the waist appears thinner. I can understand why this woman loves this type of bondage. She never looks better than after this procedure - so feminine.
Who were these women?
- Teacher. Nurse. Business women. The one who taught me how to tie my breasts had her own information company, but not here, not in DC. Yes, she informs perfectly! In fact, only the women who are most into bondage can tell me exactly what they want from me. They always say that women can't say what they want in bed. Perverted women can.
But, you see, I believe,” he said, pausing (probably for greater significance), “that all women are perverts.” Some people just need a little encouragement to stop holding themselves back.
I asked if he would help me meet any of these women. Michael said he would contact them and find me again if they agreed to an interview. In the meantime, he will give me something, namely, a copy of a letter from a beautiful, breast-tying enthusiast, where she describes in detail the fantasies that she would like to fulfill with him.
She wants him to tie one end of the rope around her waist and then make a knot. Then she explains how to pull her chest and make loops around each breast. By tightening the rope, she will be able to make the breasts swell and protrude, thus creating a picture that evokes aesthetic pleasure. Finally, she gives him instructions on how to pass the rope between her labia and tie the ends at her back. According to her, it should be wrapped as a gift for him.
What about your wives? - I ask. -Have you practiced bonding with them?
- Oh no. I opened it only after my second divorce. Do you think this would help save the marriage?
As we get up to leave, he asks me to take the rose, otherwise he will feel “stupid” if he brings it home. I need to talk to him again, so I wonder if accepting this bud, full of symbolism in his eyes, will poison our future conversation, and I refuse. We compromise and leave the flower for the waitress.
Most of the women Michael met used moderate restraint, which he suggests was a way to free themselves from guilt about sex or responsibility for sexual labor. If a woman has her hands free, she can be expected to achieve orgasm with the help of those very hands, right? She can masturbate herself or bring his hand to those places where she needs additional stimulation. An untied woman is an equal partner in sex. She has no one to blame but herself if she does not achieve orgasm during contact. Conversely, if her hands are tied, he must “give” her the orgasm she wants.
Ginny, one of Michael's lovers who seemed to find a release from sexual responsibility in restraint and tying up, agreed to talk with me.
Ginny came to my house out of fear that she might be overheard public place. Slender, red-haired, about thirty years old, she turned out to be taller than Michael. “Sexually,” she did not date him for more than a year, although they remained friends and occasionally dine together. She is a high school teacher.
- Michael released my essence through binding.
I'm wondering how it is possible to release someone's "essence" through binding. Isn't this a paradox?
Michael persisted: “If I guess what they are about, then will you tell me?” He guessed right, and I opened up. Instead of being outraged by my fantasies, he became excited by them. It was such a relief, because I was expecting complete rejection. One man said that he could not get an erection with me - without clothes I disappointed him. In his opinion, I’m too thin,” she puts her hands on her chest, as if she still feels how his refusal stung her, “I have too many moles on my body, and my pubic hair should be trimmed.” I will never forget how creepy I felt. I expected something like this when I told Michael about my desire to be tied up, but he reacted favorably to both what was said and to me.
When I was little, I played pegging with another little girl. Basically we tied each other to chairs. One day we were in the bathroom. She told me to take off my clothes and tied me to the shower counter with towels. I still remember my excitement, the pounding of my heart echoed in my ears. Then my mother knocked on the bathroom door and asked what we were doing there and told us to come out. I always wondered if she knew what was going on there.
My friend untied me, I quickly got dressed, but my heart was not in the same place for a long time while we played in the room with our dolls.
I told Michael about all this, and during the next meeting he suggested that I take a shower together before making love. In the shower, he tied me to the counter with the belt from his terry robe. Then he directed the stream between my legs and left the bathroom for a few minutes. By the time he returned, I was already so excited that I experienced an orgasm immediately, as soon as he began to soap and caress me.
This became the most liberating and at the same time tender experience of love for me. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel freer when I'm tied up. It's so good to be who I really am.
When Ginny and I began the interview, she spoke in a high-pitched, nervous voice. Now she has calmed down, her voice has sounded an octave lower, acquiring the tones that are familiar to her, which she uses at school. I'm wondering if anyone contacted her after she and Michael broke up.
- No, not yet. But I know what it will be. My orgasms are stronger when I'm tied up like this. Michael taught me that there was nothing wrong with these fantasies and their implementation. When I feel good with a new man, I will tell him what I really want.
What happened between her and Michael?
- He wasn't ready like I was for a committed relationship. It had nothing to do with bondage. Michael simply cannot get out of his head the idea that the most beautiful and perfect woman in the world could be waiting for him around the nearest corner. He always looks ahead to see if she will appear on the horizon of his life. Michael is a romantic idealist. With a rope.
Ginny sent me a copy of a book called Learning to Handle Rope: A Basic Guide to Safe Sadomasochistic Sex; written by Race Bannon. When I opened it, a bright piece of paper attached to the gift fell onto the floor: “Every beginner should read this!” In the section on tying techniques I read the following tips:
“Never leave someone tied up unattended.”
“Never tie your partner by the neck.”
“Be careful not to tighten the rope in places where it restricts the free flow of blood. Be especially careful with your wrists and crotch."
“When you tie the chest, ask your partner to do deep breath and hold your breath before you secure the knots. This way you will be sure that she will have enough volume for normal breathing.”
“Leave your mouth or nostrils open.”
All this is already quite obvious to me. If you wrap a rope around someone's throat, wouldn't the bondage game turn into something more akin to violence? I liked the section on how to adapt ordinary household objects as tools of sadomasochism much more. You don't need to get these things from Eloise. For beginners, Bannon suggests starting with a rope, preferably No. 8 braided nylon rope (one-quarter inch thick), fifty to one hundred feet long. Why with this one? It is easy to buy at a hardware store, adheres smoothly to the skin and is easy to cut.
I put the book down and suddenly a memory comes to mind. We were sitting over a glass of wine with a colleague one day when he reached into his briefcase to take out a book that I was supposed to read. At the bottom of his leather briefcase I noticed a coil of rope - braided, nylon, smooth and shiny. I became curious about what the rope was doing in his briefcase at this time, but, for an inexplicable reason, I, who usually feel little remorse when asking intimate questions, did not ask him about it.
I think I now know how he most likely used it. Or maybe I even know why I didn’t ask him about it.
to be continued...
The author tried to reveal all the secrets of a woman’s power over a man. Any woman, of course, wants to know ways to attract and retain the best and most worthy man for her. I also really want to ignite real passion in this person. I wonder if there is a certain technique for manipulating a man’s consciousness. Psychologists say that such methods exist, and every woman can use them.
In life there are different women both quiet shy women and real “hunters”. No woman in the world should have to spend lonely evenings lamenting why she is lonely. A real “hunter” will not be left by her husband or will always be surrounded by admirers. To rule over the most the best men it is possible, but for this you need to change own thinking, then you can feel that much comes easily and naturally. In a relationship with a man, you need to give him what he could not get from others. It is possible to rule over the best representatives of the stronger sex if a woman can tune in to the wave of a man. At the same time, it doesn’t even matter how a man treats a woman. You can tune in to his wave at any time. It is very important that a woman can quickly transform herself and try on any role from a kind mother to a dissolute courtesan.
Power is a great and seductive thing. Once she receives it, a woman immediately understands that she is not a discharged or empty doll, but a conqueror of men’s hearts. Can a woman learn to dominate the best men? To do this, first of all, a woman must become irresistible and sexy. Many people are of the opinion that a woman can only obtain these qualities from nature. Multiple examples prove that it can be learned. A man can only submit to those women who want to enjoy the pleasures of life. To do this, a woman must master body language perfectly, lose all inhibitions and develop complete confidence in herself. But first you need to liberate the true and sensual woman within yourself. These questions concern all women. The desire to conquer men so that they fall in stacks at their feet is natural for every sensual woman. Power over a man will help you achieve not only love, but personal happiness.
Of course, the main female “weapon” that will ensure victory is female beauty and the ability to seduce. First you need to learn to be bright, sexy and irresistible. First you need to choose the appropriate wardrobe, then work on your hair and makeup, analyze your behavior, and finally, master the language of movements and gestures, and also work on your manners. But before the “attack” begins, a woman must acquire firm confidence that all this is achievable and she is a true queen, both in dreams and in reality. First of all, a woman must become attractive to men. To do this, you need to determine your own “trump cards”.
The “trump cards” are the parameters of the figure, appearance and manners that you can be proud of and show to a man. These “trump cards” should “force” men, seeing a woman, to exclaim: “ Beautiful woman! “You will need to skillfully disguise your shortcomings and not show your man your own weaknesses. This is easy to do, although you will need to follow a number of rules:
1. Care must be taken that all the “trump cards” feminine attractiveness delivered more effectively;
2. Disadvantages must be hidden and not demonstrate your own weaknesses;
3. It is necessary to constantly stimulate the male imagination;
4. The main quality of a woman is her sex appeal. Every woman should learn to present herself as seductive and irresistible. In a word, become a true queen of hearts.
A conquered and subjugated man can do the most incredible and unexpected things. To dominate him, you first need to “capture” his mind. There are the simplest and most invisible tricks of seduction, but demonstration is not always considered seduction naked body. By the way, stylists claim that there is no clothing that cannot be made seductive. For example, the simplest and functional view clothes - coats. It would seem that this is only a piece of clothing used in the cold season, however smart woman can choose just such a coat that will perfectly highlight her slim figure and show off long legs, which are one of the virtual “trump cards” of a woman. The “huntress’s” coat should flutter, and through the deep slits the man can see her beautiful and slender legs. The seduction plan is the first stage of conquering a man, so it is considered the most important. If a woman wants to win a man, she must be bold and not be afraid of provocative actions. It is important to remember that demonstrating a feminine essence implies that a woman has a bit of adventurism, as well as a spirit of offensiveness. How skillfully a woman “presents herself” will determine success.
Of course, beautiful breasts and a thin waist are not the only factors that help women win over a man. However, any beauty is better with the mind! There are many examples of completely inconspicuous and inexpressive women “twisting ropes” out of men. Such women simply use their other “trump cards” - intelligence, wisdom and experience. It's strange that only men can be blamed for starting the war. A Makarov pistol or a Kalashnikov assault rifle are exclusively male attributes. But in real life the most fierce game is played by women who don’t know a damn thing about military affairs or military weapons. Although there is a trophy, the winner gets the best man in the world.
