How to cultivate patience. How to develop patience

What is patience

How to endure insults, insults, rudeness, slander. According to the advice of the Church Fathers and Great Elders

Patience is a virtue that, in all suffering, relies on the will of God and His holy Providence.

Patience is uninterrupted complacency.

Patience consists in this, that in all sorrowful and difficult circumstances not to be discouraged and not to be sad, both in bodily labors and in spiritual thoughts, but courageously and complacently endure all suffering even to the point of death, in the hope of God’s mercy, according to the word of the Lord: Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest (). And one more thing: he who endures to the end will be saved ().

The area of ​​patience is wide and extends over the length of a person’s entire life, as well as encompassing all the destinies of humanity in this world. With patience, a person acquires and preserves all blessings, succeeds in enterprises, achieves the fulfillment of desires, and withstands the attacks of evil harmlessly; Having lost patience, he is immediately in danger of losing good and suffering from evil or, what is more disastrous, doing evil. Without patience there is no achievement, and without achievement there is no virtue, or spiritual gifts, or salvation. For the Kingdom of God is in need ().

Venerable Elder Boniface

Patience is there fertile land on which every virtue grows. Remember gospel parable about the one who sowed seed in his field: “... some fell along the road... some fell on a stone... some fell among the thorns... and others fell on the good ground” (). Those seeds that fell along the way, on stones and thorns, perished, and only one of them, which fell on good soil, bore abundant fruit. What kind of kind is this? good land? Let us listen to how Christ explains this: the seed that “fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word, keep it good and pure heart and bear fruit with patience. Having said this, He exclaimed: “Whoever has ears to hear, let him hear!” (). Let us listen to these words: “they bear fruit with patience.” Patience is that good soil, that fruitful field on which the fallen seed of God sprouts and bears the abundant fruit of good deeds.

Why you need to be patient

Those who have patience are saved from many sorrows.

He who is patient attains every virtue.

All the saints achieved the promises through constant and long patience.

Therefore, let us motivate ourselves every day so that we too may inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.

He who has found the path of long-suffering and kindness has found the path of life.

Poor and wretched is he who has not acquired patience; he is swayed by the wind, cannot bear insult, is faint-hearted in sorrow, grumbles when taught, argues in obedience, is lazy in prayer, slow in answers, and prone to argument.

What great benefits does patience bring in society and in every rank! Patience preserves love and harmony between rulers and ruled, between parents and children, between masters and slaves, between brothers, between friends, between neighbors, between buyers and sellers, so that without patience no good can happen. Out of impatience, husband and wife, brother and brother, quarrel and enmity with each other where there should be peace and harmony. Out of impatience, the master of the slave, the father of the son, the husband of the wife, the ruler of the subject torments and beats. From impatience in the victims, evil intent arises against those who strike; hence it happens that a master’s slave, a husband’s wife, a subject of a ruler, a son of an evil father is ready to kill and kills, and a lot of such evil happens. Patience stops all evil. Impatience ruins houses, villages, cities and states, because from impatience - disagreement, from disagreement - quarrel and abuse, from abuse - bloodshed and murder among the people who make up society. Patience prevents all this evil. For where there is patience, there is no quarreling and fighting.

All human life is connected with patience, like stone building with dissolved lime. What lime is to a brick when building a wall, so is patience at every step of life.

A person has not yet been born, but the mother is already suffering for him, and probably the child himself, and with the first diaper the child learns to be patient - for his own benefit and peace of mind.

And from now on, until the last grave cover, all life consists of patience: patience in age, patience in science, patience in dealing with people, in labor and illness. Finally, through patience one finds salvation: he who endures to the end will be saved (), says the Lord.

So do not run short of patience, do not grumble when it visits you, but greet him like an old acquaintance, and with hope in God, see him off in peace - and you will be not only humble, but also wise.

Venerable Anthony of Radonezh

How to learn patience

“Father! teach me patience,” said one sister. “Learn,” answered the elder, “and begin with patience when you find and encounter troubles.” Reverend

You, mother, ask me to teach you patience... How wonderful you are! God teaches her! It is taught by people - sisters! She is taught by the circumstances of her entire life! And they all teach you patience, teach you through deeds, the most prophetic, the very nature of the ability to endure - you ask me for a lesson in theoretical patience... Be patient with everything that comes your way - and you will be saved!

It is obvious that you are trying and want to be saved, but you just don’t know how, you don’t understand spiritual life. The whole secret here is to endure what God sends. And you will not see how you enter heaven.

Venerable Anatoly of Optina

Every good deed is corrected with patience and sorrow: after that those who now grumble through thoughtlessness will give thanks. While preaching, the apostles, although they were a temptation for the Jews and madness for the Greeks, did not stop preaching Christ crucified; and with their patience they went through the entire universe and planted the faith of Christ; and if they, looking at the temptation and the murmur, abandoned the sermon, what would be the benefit? You can take this as an example for yourself in a small way... Rev.

...We must learn patience not when we are blamed for guilt, but when we are innocently reviled and reproached.

Venerable Macarius of Optina

You have to endure it knowingly, otherwise you can endure it and not get any benefit. Firstly, maintain the holy faith and lead an impeccable life of faith, and immediately cleanse any sin that occurs by repentance. Secondly, accept everything that you have to endure as from the hand of God, firmly remembering that without the will of God nothing happens. Thirdly, believing that everything that comes from the Lord is sent by Him for the good of our souls, sincerely thank God for everything, thank both for sorrows and for consolations. Fourthly, love sorrow for the sake of its great salvation and arouse in yourself a thirst for it like a drink, although bitter, but healing. Fifthly, keep in mind that when trouble comes, you can’t throw it off like tight clothes, you have to endure it. Whether you endure it in a Christian way or not in a Christian way, it is still inevitable to endure it; So it’s better to endure in a Christian way. Murmuring does not relieve trouble, but only makes it worse, and humble submission to the determinations of God's Providence and complacency take the burden away from troubles. Sixth, realize that you are not worth such a misfortune, realize that if the Lord wanted to deal with you in all truth, then should such a misfortune be sent to you? Seventh, pray most of all, and the merciful Lord will give you strength of spirit, in which, while others will marvel at your troubles, it will seem to you that there is nothing to endure.

Don’t start anything without thinking it through and calculating that you have enough strength for what you undertake. This is what the Lord commanded in the parable of the one who starts a war and begins to build a house. What is this calculation? In that, according to the testimony of the same suggestions of the Lord in parables, in order to arm ourselves in advance with dedication and patience. See if you have these supports of all workers in goodness, and if you have them, start a business, and if not, then stock up on them in advance. If you stock up, then no matter what you encounter on the way to fulfilling your intention, you will endure and overcome everything, and you will complete what you started. Calculation does not mean that if something is difficult, give it up, but rather to inspire yourself to do any work. From here will come firmness of will and constancy of action. And it will never happen to you that you say, “I’m going,” and then don’t go.

Patience is strengthened by prayer, which asks God's help in bearing the imposed cross. How suffering children talk about their sadness to their parents and receive consolation from them or as a friend to their true friend reports heartfelt sorrow and therefore feels a certain joy in the heart, so we feel the relief of our sadness when we communicate our sadness to God, Who is “the Father of mercy and the God of all consolation” ().

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk

If you don’t know how to endure, learn by being patient. If you feel faint, take up this life-saving weapon again. And over time, you will become proficient, because any virtue, like any art, is not learned immediately, but after a lot of time and a lot of work, then the science will be given.

Our God is not called the God of idle inaction and pleasure, but the God of patience and long-suffering. He truly produces patience and complacency in those who surrender themselves to Him, so that they may win a wondrous and new victory, similar to that won by Christ, who was crucified and tasted death. He defeated His murderers and the world, and now He imparts similar strength to those who suffer for Him, and through them He again defeats the same murderers and the world. Every Christian needs to know this, so that no one ends up believing in Christ in vain, as someone who does not know the sacraments of Christianity.

How to tolerate the shortcomings of others

Remember how much you sinned before God from your youth, but the Lord tolerated you. What if God dealt with you according to His righteousness? Your soul would have gone to hell long ago. As God endured you for a long time and did you according to His mercy, so do you do to your neighbor.

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk

If a brother says a rude word to you out of cowardice, bear it with joy, for, having examined your thoughts before the Omniscient God, you will find that you yourself have sinned.

Whoever, for the sake of God, to preserve peace endures the cruel words of a rude and unreasonable person, will be called the son of peace and can acquire peace in soul, body and spirit.

Reverend Abba Isaiah

When you remember those who insult and persecute you, do not complain about them, but rather pray to God for them as the culprits greatest blessings for you.

Reverend Abba Isaiah

When you see that the enemy is grieving you, do not say a single offensive word and do not wish him harm for this, but go in (to), kneel down and, shedding tears, pray to God to stop the grief, to extinguish the sadness.

God commands us to do good, and endure insults, and not repay evil for evil; the devil advises the opposite. When we do good and endure, we obey God, and we resist the devil, who teaches evil and leads us away from patience. And so, defeated by patience, like a dog beaten with a stick, he will run away from us. Then God will stand for us and drive him away from us. Saint Chrysostom speaks about this: “The devil must be defeated with patience.”

Do you want to not give in and resist the devil? Give in to people, and do not resist them, and do not repay evil for evil. “Do not be defeated by evil, but conquer evil with good” ().

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk

You should not expect patience from the virtue of others, that is, do not expect that you will acquire it if no one upsets you (which, however, is not in your power). Better acquire it with your humility and generosity, which are in your power.

Abba Pinufius

Have patience with everyone, “do not repay anyone evil for evil, but be concerned about what is good before all people... Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but give room to the wrath of God. For it is written: “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord... Do not be overcome by evil, but conquer evil with good,” says the apostle (). If one is evil, let every other be good; if one is foolish, let every other be reasonable; if both are mad, angry, both are evil, then evil will remain indestructible, the mediastinum of enmity unshakable: “You need patience,” says the apostle, “so that, having fulfilled the will of God, you will receive what is promised” (). For when we are often darkened by pride and self-indulgence, we become clearer through sorrow and patience. When we are exalted in honor and glory, we are humbled by dishonor and reproach of men. When we are sprinkled with the dust of voluptuousness and carnality, we are washed with humiliation and reproach. Therefore, do not be very irritated at the one who insults you, but be more irritated at your own sin, which stirs up your heart against him.

Don’t complain and don’t allow yourself to offend anyone.

Christ suffered the most shameful death for us, therefore we, for the sake of His commandment and for our sins, must patiently and calmly endure... just and unjust insults and dishonor.

Of course, it would be easier with a full belly and a soft down jacket, turning over and straight to the bright paradise, but the path is laid there from the cross, for the Kingdom of God is achieved not by one or two, but by many sorrows! You, like me, prefer to always be in a calm position, but those who are Christ’s crucify their flesh with passions and lusts. You and I are very powerless and very weak, and it’s scary to think about the crucifixion, about iron nails and copies! At least, for God’s sake, let us endure even a sidelong glance, a cold reception and refusal of what we ask, and even though we begin our crucifixion from these insignificant degrees, and, God is merciful, we too will follow the great sufferers into the Kingdom of Heaven!

How to endure insults, insults, rudeness, slander

Those who wish to live piously have nothing to expect except violence, bitterness, persecution, for “due to the increase of lawlessness” love has already cooled in many ().

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk

When someone annoys you, never ask why or why. This is nowhere in Scripture. There, on the contrary, it says: if someone hits you on the right side of the cheek, give him the other one too (). - It’s actually inconvenient to hit the gum cheek, but this should be understood this way: if someone slanders you or innocently annoys you with something, this will mean hitting the gum cheek. Do not complain, but bear this blow patiently, putting your left cheek forward, that is, remembering your wrong deeds. And if, perhaps, you are now innocent, then you have sinned a lot before, and thus you will be convinced that you are worthy of punishment.

Christ commanded not only to endure the insult complacently and with meekness, but to go further in wisdom: to be ready to endure more than the offender wants, to overcome his daring impudence with the power of patience, so that he would be surprised at your extraordinary meekness and thus walk away.

When we endure something from evil people, then, looking at our Leader and Perfecter of faith, we will imagine that... we endure for virtue and for Him. If we begin to think about this, then everything will be easy and bearable. Indeed, if everyone even boasts that he suffers for his beloved, will he who endures anything for God feel any sorrow?

Saint John Chrysostom

Defamation and slander can be either true or false. Truthful - if we are truly guilty of what we are reproached for, and therefore accept what is worthy; then you need to correct yourself so that the reproach is abolished and becomes false. False reproach - when we are not to blame for what we are reproached for; and this reproach must be endured with joy and consoled with the hope of eternal God's mercy. Moreover, although we are not to blame for the one thing for which we are reviled, we have sinned in another, and therefore we must endure.

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk

They slandered you... although you are innocent? We must patiently endure. And this will go instead of penance for what you consider yourself guilty of. Therefore, slander for you is the mercy of God. We must certainly reconcile with those who have slandered us, no matter how difficult it may be.

Saint Theophan the Recluse

If you are subjected to slander and later the purity of your conscience is revealed, do not be proud, but humbly serve the Lord, who delivered you from human slander.

As you pray for the slandered, God will reveal the truth about you to those who are offended.

Did the person insult you? Will you really offend God because of this? Not to reconcile with the offender means not so much to take revenge on him as to offend God, who commanded reconciliation.

Venerable Ephraim the Syrian

I ask you, as much as possible, to endure all insults in silence and hide it in your heart, so that the Lord sees your humility and covers you with His bounties. Even if you were in the most bitter extremity, then do not complain to anyone about your fate, but thank the Lord in everything, and the Lord is able to surprise you with His mercy.

Elder George the Recluse

Are you being insulted? They insult God too. Are you being vilified? They also blaspheme God. Are you being spat on? Our Lord suffered the same thing. In this He has in common with us, but in other respects He does not. He never insulted, and never will, did not revile, did not offend. Therefore, we (the offended) have something in common with Him, and not you (the offended). To bear insults is characteristic of God, but to insult, on the contrary, is characteristic of the devil. Here are two opposite sides.

Saint John Chrysostom

Wise and meek, enduring insults and insults from enemies; when insulted, he is not insulted; and when insulted, he is not offended. And to tell the truth, it is the offenders and insulters themselves who are offended and insulted: people condemn them and speak badly of them. And he who is above insult and resentment is crowned with praise from everyone here, as having conquered not only the enemy, but also irritability, and there he receives great rewards from God. If you say that it takes a lot of sweat and labor to endure everything, I will not deny it, but I will say that with great effort we deserve crowns.

If a friend offends you or one of your neighbors upsets you, think about your sins against God and that by your meekness towards them you will appease the future Judgment for yourself.

Saint John Chrysostom

The Lord appointed a truly great reward for enduring not only persecution, wounds, bonds, murder and death, but also only insults and words of reproach ().

Venerable Ephraim the Syrian

When you suffer any dishonor from people, consider that it was sent from God to your glory; when He comes, you will be found faithful and escape condemnation.

What does it mean to “endure in the Lord”?

To endure in the Lord means to generously endure disasters and suffering for faith in the Lord. Truly, this kind of patience is commanded by our Lord when He says to His followers: “Brother will betray brother to death, and father son; and children will rise up against their parents and kill them; and you will be hated by all because of My name; he who endures to the end will be saved” (). This is how the holy martyrs endured in the Lord!

But the Lord promises salvation only to those who endure to the end; martyrdom ceases - patience of this kind also ceases, and one must further seek what it means to endure in the Lord, even if there are no disasters and sufferings that test patience. In the word of God we find that to endure in the Lord sometimes means to pray diligently and unremittingly until we appease God and are heard: “I firmly trusted in the Lord, and He bowed down to me and heard my cry” (). In addition, in general, people who are courageous and constant in deeds of piety are called those who endure in the Lord, which can be seen in the following saying: “Those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength: they will mount with wings like eagles, they will run and not grow tired” (). All these types of pious patience, or, in a word, constancy in faith, were commanded by Saint Barnabas to the Antiochian Christians when he begged them - not only out of necessity, as required by circumstances, but with a sincere heart to endure in the Lord.

Even if persecution resulting in martyrdom is not now being raised against the followers of Christ, even now, however, as always, “through many tribulations we must enter the Kingdom of God” (). So, if disaster and sorrow are sent to you, and with a thorough examination of your conscience you recognize this as punishment for sins, endure in the Lord and speak with the Psalmist: “Thou art righteous, O Lord, and thy judgments are just... It is good for me that I have suffered, in order to learn Your statutes" (). If you do not notice that through your fault the disaster that befalls you has been brought upon you, then be patient in the Lord and speak to Job: “The Lord gave, the Lord has also taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord!” ().

The grace of God teaches you to pray to God for deliverance from troubles, to ask for His help in needs, especially spiritual ones, relating to the salvation of your soul and eternal bliss - beware in this holy exercise of inconstancy and impatience. The Lord commanded us to “always pray and not lose heart” (), that is, not to be burdened by prayer, but to remain in it unremittingly. Do you see the fruit of your prayer? Compound it with thanksgiving to God, who “satisfies your desire with good things” (). Not getting what you ask for? Recognize the imperfection of your prayer and continue it with new zeal, thinking that the All-Good Heavenly Father, if apparently does not fulfill your desire, then, without a doubt, invisibly cares about your good more than you can know and imagine. So in prayer, be patient in the Lord.

Whatever pious deed you undertake, whatever virtue you begin to practice, do not change what you have once accepted. good intentions. And even if there are obstacles ahead of you, even if it seems to you that success does not correspond to your expectations, do not despair, do not be faint-hearted. And on the contrary, even if it seemed to you that you had succeeded in a good deed and feat, do not be lazy, do not be careless, recognizing yourself as an inexorable slave, even if you did everything commanded, for in this case you only did what was due () and therefore did not would still have the right to remain idle. Thus, in the difficulty of the feat, trust in the Lord and be patient in the Lord; for success, do not rely on yourself and also be patient in the Lord.

Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow

No matter what grief befalls you, no matter what trouble happens to you, you say: I will endure this for Jesus Christ! Just say this and it will be easier for you. For the name of Jesus Christ is powerful - with it all troubles subside, demons disappear; Your annoyance will subside, your cowardice will also calm down when you repeat His sweetest name. God! Give us patience, generosity and meekness! God! let me see my sins and not condemn anyone!

“He who endures to the end will be saved” (). But not everyone who endures will be saved, but only he who endures on the path of the Lord. That’s what this life is for, to endure, and everyone endures something, and endures until the very end. But patience is of no use if it is not for the sake of the Lord and His holy Gospel. Enter the path of faith and the commandments of the Gospel - the reasons for patience will multiply, but from this moment patience will begin to bear fruit, and that patience, which until now was empty, will become fruitful. The enemy darkens us with such blindness that only that patience is difficult and impracticable, which it meets on the path of good, and that which he himself imposes on the working passions, he presents as easy and worthless, although it is heavier and more dismal than that which those who fight bear. with passions and resisting the enemy! But we are blind and do not see this... We work, endure and exhaust ourselves for the sake of the enemy, to our own destruction.

Saint Theophan the Recluse

Patience comes in different forms. Sometimes a person endures hardships and sorrows due to their inevitability, with grumbling and bitterness, without thinking about the will of God. For such embittered patience, a person will not receive eternal, blissful life as a reward. But there is patience by faith, when a person endures the difficulties and sorrows he encounters as if sent or allowed by God to test him in faith and piety. Then a person endures sorrows as a cleansing sacrifice for his sins, with the hope that, by the will of God, enduring sorrow for the cleansing of sins, he acquires boldness to love God, with whom is the source of eternal life. It is this kind of patience, dedicated to God, that is saving.

The path of life determined by God for man can have different types sorrows. Sometimes a person has to suffer from human injustice, oppression and slander. In such circumstances, the Apostle Peter consoles this way: “for this pleases God, if anyone, thinking about God, endures sorrows, suffering unjustly” (). If a person suffers from illness, the apostle consoles him with the fact that the one suffering in the flesh ceases to sin (). And having repented of previous sins, a person becomes purified and pleasing to God.

But it is still difficult to endure. Or maybe it’s possible without patience? Without patience you can exist, but you cannot live. We sinners exist and act with sin and in sin. And the one who commits a sin is subject to responsibility and punishment by suffering. And to endure this suffering with benefit for yourself requires patience.

For all kinds of sorrows, the Apostle Peter gives us this consolation: “Beloved! Do not shun the fiery temptation sent to you to test it, as if it were a strange adventure for you” (). And since through patience all kinds of sorrows are useful to a person, then patience itself is a virtue, like necessary property faith. The Apostle says about this: “show virtue in your faith, in virtue prudence, in prudence - self-control, in self-control - patience, in patience - piety, in piety - brotherly love, in brotherly love - love” (). And love is the union of all virtues and the fulfillment of the will of God.

Realizing how saving patience is, many saints took upon themselves various voluntary feats of patience: intense fasting, abstinence from sleep, physical labor, and other feats, which were called self-harm and suffering. Patience is always and everywhere necessary: ​​in suffering - so as not to become bitter and despair, and in heroism - so as not to become proud. So, patience will always be useful to us if it is dedicated to God.

Elder Hieromonk Peter (Seregin)

Rev. “A Word on Patience”

The Lord said: having endured to the end, he will be saved (). Patience strengthens all virtues. And not a single one of the virtues can stand without it, for anyone who turns back is not governed in the Kingdom of God (). If someone thinks that he is involved in all the virtues, but does not endure to the end, then he will not escape the snares of the devil and will not be guided to achieve the Kingdom of Heaven. For even those who have already received betrothal (eternal life) here need patience in order to receive the perfect reward for their feat in the future. In all art and in all knowledge, patience is necessary. And fair enough; because without it even the most external affairs are not accomplished; but even if any of them happened, then patience is needed in order for what has happened to be preserved. And it’s simple to say: every deed, before it is accomplished, is accomplished with patience, and what is perfect is preserved through patience, and without it cannot stand, and does not receive an end. For if this deed is good, patience is its giver and preserver; if it is bad, patience gives (in him) peace and generosity and does not allow the tempted one to languish with cowardice, betrothal to Gehenna. He tends to kill the despair that kills the soul. It teaches the soul to console itself and not to lose heart from many battles and sorrows. Judas, who evaded him, as inexperienced in battle, found himself a double death. The Apostle Peter, who adopted it for himself, as experienced in battle, and in his very fall defeated the devil who overthrew him. Having mastered patience, that monk, who had once fallen into fornication, defeated the one who defeated him, because he did not listen to the thought of despair, which forced him to leave his cell and the desert, but with patience he said to his thoughts: I have not sinned, and again I say to you: I have not sinned. O divine prudence and patience of a valiant man! Patience perfected blessed Job and his first good deeds. For if the righteous had deviated a little from it, he would have lost everything he had before; but He who knew his patience allowed the disaster to improve him and benefit many. He who knows the benefits of patience first of all tries to acquire it, according to the words of the Great Basil, who says: do not suddenly arm yourself for all passions; Perhaps you will not succeed and will turn back and will not be ruled in the Kingdom of God (cf.:); but fight each passion separately, starting with patience with what befalls you. And truly so. For if someone does not have patience, then he can never withstand a visible war, and not only himself, but also others cause flight and destruction by his evasion. According to the word that God said to Moses: let him not go out into battle, etc. (cf.: ). But during a visible war, another may remain inside the house and, perhaps, does not go out to war; although through this he will lose his gifts and crowns, and may remain in poverty and dishonor. In mental warfare it is impossible to find places where it does not exist; Even if someone has traversed all of creation, wherever he goes, he will always encounter warfare. In the desert there are animals and demons and other misfortunes and monsters. In silence are demons and temptations. Among people there are demons and people who tempt. And nowhere is there a place without trials, therefore without patience it is impossible to find peace. Patience comes from fear and faith and begins with prudence. A prudent person tests things according to his mind, and... Finding them cramped, as Susanna said, he chooses the best, just like her. For this blessed one cried out to God: I am crowded everywhere; if I fulfill the desire of the lawless elders, my soul will perish for adultery, but if I disobey them, they will slander me for adultery and, as judges of the people, they will condemn me to death; but it’s better for me to resort to the Almighty, although death awaits (). Oh, what was the prudence of this blessed one! Reasoning this way, she was not mistaken in her hope. But as soon as the people gathered, and the lawless judges sat down to slander her and condemn the innocent woman to death as an adulterer, immediately twelve-year-old Daniel appeared as a prophet from God and delivered her from death, turning death on the elders who wanted to condemn her lawlessly. By the example of Susanna, God showed that He is close to those who are willing to endure temptation for His sake and do not want to abandon virtue through negligence because of sorrow, but prefer the law of God, and in the patience of what befalls them, they rejoice in the hope of salvation. And fair enough. If two disasters lie ahead: one temporary and the other eternal, then isn’t it better to choose the first? That is why Saint Isaac says: it is better to endure disasters out of love for God and to resort to Him, in the hope of eternal life, than, out of fear of temptation, for someone to fall away from God, fall into the hands of the devil and go with him into torment (;). Therefore, it would be good if someone, like the saints, rejoiced in temptation, as a lover of God; if we are not like that, then we will choose at least the easy one, for the sake of the present necessity. For we need to either suffer here physically and reign mentally with Christ, in the present age, for the sake of dispassion, and then in the future; or fall away through fear of temptation, as was said, and go into eternal torment, from which may God deliver us through enduring disasters here. Patience is like a stone, standing motionless against the winds and waves of life, and whoever reaches it does not faint during the flood and does not return back; but, even finding peace and joy, he is not carried away by conceit, but always remains the same, both in prosperity and in misfortune; That’s why he remains unharmed from the enemy’s snares. When he encounters a storm, he endures it with joy, awaiting the end; when the weather is calm, he awaits temptation until his last breath, according to the word of the Great Anthony. Such a person learns that in this life nothing is permanent, but everything passes, and therefore he does not care at all about anything earthly, but leaves everything to God, for He cares about us. To him belongs all glory, honor and power forever. Amen.

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk “Reasons that encourage patience, or consolation in patience”

First. All troubles, disasters and suffering happen according to God's Providence. So it is written: Good and evil, life and death, poverty and wealth are from the Lord ().

Second. Especially in present time those who want to live piously have nothing to expect except violence, bitterness, persecution, for due to the increase of lawlessness, love has already cooled in many. Thus, everyone who wants to live piously must prepare for patience ().

Third. Patience, as St. John Chrysostom teaches above, frees sinners from execution and multiplies the reward of the righteous (Epistle 4 to the Olympiad).

Fourth. The highest virtue is patience, which nothing can compare with. Patience of troubles, as Saint Chrysostom says, surpasses alms and many other virtues (Conversation 31 on the Evangelist Matthew). And he also says: “There is nothing equal to patience” (Message 7 to the Olympiad).

Fifth. Very notable victory- defeat enemies with patience, as the same Saint John Chrysostom teaches (Conversation 85 on the Evangelist Matthew).

Sixth. Through patience the devil is overcome and put to shame, as it is written about the righteous Job.

Seventh. Patience is promised immortal life and glory, for Christ says: He who endures to the end will be saved (). Anyone with patience can take comfort in waiting for glory.

Eighth. Every suffering and calamity, no matter how long it may be, will end with death.

Ninth. Although our suffering is great, our sins, with which we have offended the Majesty of God, are far greater and deserve greater punishment.

Tenth. God is punishing us here so that we can receive eternal salvation. Being judged, we are punished by the Lord, says the apostle, so as not to be condemned by the world ().

Eleventh. Requires God's truth so that the sinner is punished for his sins. If a sinner needs to be punished, it is better to be punished here and endure with thanksgiving than to remain endlessly in torment in the next century. Here God punishes and consoles, but there there is no consolation; here the punishments are light, paternal, and there they are cruel; here short-term, and there eternal. For to endure any suffering here for a hundred years is nothing in comparison with eternity. Listen to the rich man of the Gospel, who feasted brilliantly here every day, as he cries out: Father Abraham! “Have mercy on me,” he cries (), but it is useless, and he will cry forever.

Twelfth. God, in His wealth, kindness, meekness and long-suffering, tolerates us, expecting repentance from us: and we must endure when He punishes us for our sins, and thank Him that He did not strike us for our iniquities, but seeks our salvation with this punishment .

Thirteenth. In prosperity a person is exalted, but in misery he is humbled; For this reason, God sends a cross to man, so that he humbles himself, and so does not lose eternal bliss.

Fourteenth. To endure or not to endure and to grumble in suffering, however, it cannot be avoided that God’s judgment has determined for us, and impatience ruins the reward.

Fifteenth. Patience eases suffering. Everyone look at those who are in a long-term illness: they have become so accustomed to that illness through patience that they don’t seem to feel it; on the contrary, illness multiplies with impatience, as life itself shows.

Sixteenth. Any suffering can be either cruel or light: if cruel, it will soon end with death; if it’s light, then it’s tolerable and comfortable to endure.

Seventeenth. Anyone who suffers must think this way within himself: after all, I have endured until now, which means I can continue to endure in the same way; yesterday you endured, which means you can endure today and tomorrow.

Eighteenth. Christ the Son of God endured innocently and for our sake, leaving us an example so that we would follow in His footsteps (). We should be consoled by patience because Christ, the sinless one, endured.

Nineteenth. Suffering one, look at those who have great sorrow and illness, but endure. If you are in a long-term illness and have some consolation from those who serve you, look at those who have a greater illness than you, who are burned inside by the fire of grief and sadness, and outside are all covered with wounds; Moreover, they do not have someone who would serve them, who would feed them, give them something to drink, lift them up, and wash them from their wounds, but they endure.

If you suffer exile, bring to mind the convicts, who are in shackles, in rags, half naked, removed from home and fatherland, every day they receive beatings and wounds. During the day they do hard work, and at night they are imprisoned in dungeons filled with sewage and stench, without any consolation, and death is more pleasant for them than life.

If you suffer poverty, think about those who were once rich and famous, but have reached such a point that they have nothing to feed themselves, nor their wife, nor their children, nor where to lay their heads; they wander around other people’s yards, and are also burdened with debts; there is tightness everywhere, sadness, unbearable sorrow, as if they were burning in a furnace; Even though you don’t have your most necessary needs, you can ask in the name of Christ, but they are ashamed to ask, because before they were famous and rich. Look also at the poor peasants, beggars, half-naked, sick, lying motionless, from whom taxes and quitrents are required, but they not only cannot give, but they themselves are in need, who would give them, and even serve them because of their extremity? poverty and disease.

If you tolerate reproach and slander, bring to memory those sitting on high place, how much they suffer from subordinate murmurs, reproaches, backbiting, slander, slander, deceit, deceit, curses, ridicule and caustic reproaches, in the likeness of a tree standing on a high place, which is shaken by every slightest wind. - So also from others, receive reinforcement in patience. They endure more and the most cruel things: can’t you tolerate less?

Twentieth. Descend with your mind to hell and judge how the condemned are tormented there, and will be tormented forever; If it were possible, they would want to burn in fire here even until the end of the world, just to be freed from eternal torment.

Twenty-one. Raise your intelligent eyes to the heavenly villages and examine everyone living there: you will not find a single one who did not come there through patience.

Twenty-second. The present temporary sufferings are worth nothing in comparison with the glory that will be revealed in us, says the Apostle Paul (). For no matter what evil you endure here, this patience is unworthy of the future glory that is prepared for those who endure. Rejoice and be glad, for great is your reward in heaven ().

Twenty-third. In your suffering, remember the terrible suffering of the holy martyrs: some of them were beaten with clubs, others had their teeth and eyes torn out; some have their tongues, arms, legs and breasts cut off; some were almost all crushed and were nailed to crosses; others were thrown to be devoured by wild beasts; others were drowned in water; others were burned by fire; others are buried alive in the ground; others were shut up in red-hot copper furnaces; from others the skin and flesh was torn off to the bones; others poured resin, melted tin into their mouths, and other unspeakable torments they endured, but they endured everything so generously that they even laughed at the tormentors. True, they endured all this with the help of Christ, but the same help of Christ is now ready for all who endure. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever ().

Let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who, instead of the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God ().

Bishop Peter (Ekaterinovsky)

About patience and meekness

Just as one must abstain and move away from pleasures and all their lures, so that the heart does not become attached to them, so when encountering displeasures, one must curb the irritation of feelings, so that the heart does not turn away from them to hatred, which is a disastrous disease of the soul. Since unpleasant objects affect us in two ways: either, strongly irritating the senses, they produce a counteraction (reaction) to painful impressions - they arouse anger, or they overly suppress our feelings - producing sorrow, then from curbing the disorderly excitement of feelings, two virtues arise: patience and meekness ; the former moderates sorrow, and the latter tempers anger. Patience includes: indifference, when we fearlessly face upcoming misfortunes or sorrows; generosity, when among the misfortunes that befall us we are not embarrassed, we do not lose heart, we endure them without despondency, grumbling, with devotion to the will of God.

The Necessity of Patience and Gentleness>

Patience and gentleness are absolutely necessary to achieve moral perfection and salvation. This can be seen from many places Holy Scripture, where incentives are offered to acquire them (see: ; ; ; ; ). However, the virtue of patience does not require that we not feel sorrow at all in misfortune; this is impossible; this would mean destroying the very ability of feeling in the soul, which is completely contrary to the intention of the Creator, and it is only necessary to tame this feeling, moderate its causticity, so that it does not upset the activity of other mental abilities, so as not to reach despondency and despair. Therefore, tears, groans, pitiful exclamations and other expressions of grief not only do not overthrow patience and are not contrary to it, but more often they also reduce grief, ease the heart constrained by it, and we more easily endure the misfortune that weighs on us. The Savior Himself wept over the misfortune of others (see: ; ) and at the onset of suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane, he grieved and grieved (see: ). And the apostle says about the Savior that He, in the days of His flesh, with a strong cry and with tears brought prayers... to Him who was able to save Him from death (). Also, meekness does not completely exclude the arousal of feelings; on the contrary, when meek measures are insufficient, then strict measures must be used to defend the truth and stop vices. Also, zeal for the glory of God and virtue is combined with some boldness, as can be seen from the actions of the holy prophet Elijah. The Savior Himself, with a living sense of indignation, not only denounced the Pharisees for hypocrisy, pride and corruption, but also drove the traders out of the temple (see: ; ; ). This especially applies to those who have power over others, for example, parents, bosses. However, whatever the motivation for indignation, irritation of feelings should never go beyond the boundaries of moderation, benefit and subordination to reason, and one must be careful not to harbor disgust or hatred for the persons themselves while pursuing vices. But as difficult as this is to observe, it is better to quickly curb and suppress anger when outbursts cannot be avoided, especially in unexpected cases. The Apostle says: When angry, do not sin, that is, if you happen to get angry, then do not allow anger to break out in abusive words and lead to offensive deeds; Let the sun not set on your anger (), that is, do not continue until another day, because prolonging anger strengthens it, gives rise to hatred and the desire for revenge, through which space is given to the devil, who enters the heart and takes possession of it.

Encourages Patience

The following thoughts encourage us to be patient. Everything that happens to us happens not by blind chance, but by the wise order of God’s Providence (see:).

Sorrow is sent to us by our loving Heavenly Father out of love for us for our own good (see: ; ). Sorrows cleanse our sins (and who among us is without sin?), awaken us from spiritual slumber, negligence, to which our nature is prone and from which the soul relaxes and passions intensify; sorrows heal old mental illnesses, passions, warn against various sinful temptations, new falls (see:), it is easier to renounce the heart from attachment to sensual pleasures, make one more often resort to God, seek consolation in God, in Whom alone one can find true consolation and bliss, soften a heart hardened by sensuality, humble it, and therefore make it more capable of perceiving the impressions of grace, provide opportunities and incentives to exercise various virtues. Especially, according to the apostle (see: and further), sorrow teaches patience; patience teaches experience, art in the battle with one’s own passions and external temptations in order to gain victory over them and in acquiring virtues; and experience in this affirms the hope of salvation (; ; ). The Holy Fathers depict the many different benefits of sorrows. The saint says that every sin occurs for pleasure and therefore is destroyed by suffering and sorrow - either voluntary, arising from repentance, or, according to God's will, from circumstances allowed by Providence itself. The more evil you are, the less you abhor suffering, so that, by humbling yourself with it, you can get rid of pride. Temptations come to people, some with sweets, some with sorrows, and others with bodily suffering. For the Physician of souls applies healing according to His destinies, looking at the cause of passions located in the soul. Temptations are brought on some to destroy sins that have already been committed, on others to stop those being committed, and on others to avert those that are to follow, excluding temptations sent to test a person, as was the case with Job.

Like a stalk of hemp, says Saint Macarius of Egypt, if it is not pounded for a long time, it cannot be suitable for spinning the finest threads (but the longer it is pounded and the more it is combed, the purer it becomes and more suitable for use), and like one made from clay a vessel, if it has not been in fire, is unfit for human use, and just as a baby, not yet skilled in worldly affairs, can neither build, nor plant, nor sow, nor perform any other worldly work, so often souls, like not tempted and not experienced by various sorrows from evil spirits, they remain in infancy and, so to speak, are still unprofitable for Kingdom of Heaven. For the apostle says: If you remain without punishment, which is common to everyone, then you are illegitimate children, and not sons (). Therefore, temptations and sorrows are sent to a person for his benefit, making the soul all the more skillful and firm. Among sorrows, the soul is purified like gold in a crucible (). The saint says that sorrows attract the mercy of God to the soul, just as the winds bring rain. And just as continuous rain, acting on a tender plant, causes rotting in it and spoils its fruit, and the winds gradually dry it out and strengthen it, so it happens with the soul; long-lasting happiness and peace lead the soul into carelessness, carelessness, which relax and dissipate it; temptations, on the contrary, strengthen and unite it with God, as the prophet says: I cried out to the Lord in my sorrow (). That is why we should neither be embarrassed nor lose heart in temptations, but we must endure without complaint and thank God in sorrows and always pray to God with humility that He would show mercy to our weakness and cover us from all evil for His glory.

Another way in Heavenly Fatherland no, except the narrow path of self-denial and sorrow (see: ; ). No one without temptations can enter the Kingdom of Heaven, said the saint, for without temptations, no one will be saved. Just as Jesus Christ Himself had to suffer and thus enter into His glory (see: ), so His followers must follow Jesus Christ in the same way in order to achieve the Kingdom of glory (see: ; ).

Remedies for Acquiring Patience

Patience is opposed to cowardly sorrow in the midst of misfortunes, which is revealed in various ways, namely in relation to God - in hopelessness, murmuring, blasphemy, and so on. In relation to the sufferer himself, grief is revealed in the fact that the impatient one recklessly, cruelly torments himself, indulges in despondency, which weakens mental and physical strength, as the Psalmist says, my soul melts away from sorrow (), leaves useful activity, falls into cowardice, even despair - spiritual death, neglects decent means to satisfy sadness, and upsets his external well-being. And he often insults other people, either with suspicion, or with grumbling, and causes other troubles. The opposite of meekness is irritability, which generally means indiscriminate annoyance at others for insult or offense.

When annoyance is combined with displeasure towards the perpetrator of the insult, it is called indignation. And if the desire for revenge is added to this, then it is called anger itself, or a disordered desire for revenge.

There is no doubt that any anger is indecent for a Christian and often brings him to such a state that he cannot control himself. That is why the Savior says: Save your souls with your patience ().

It’s especially scary to look at a person who has become enraged when he is seething with anger, makes noise and looks like he’s going berserk. The stronger any anger, the more harmful it is for ourselves and for others: it harms bodily health, and sometimes upsets external well-being. In relation to others, hatred, enmity, ill-will, quarrels, slander, insults, even fights and murders arise from him.

Someone who is irritated sometimes spews out grumbling and blasphemy against God. And what’s worse is that almost everyone who is angry considers his anger to be just. Therefore, everyone especially needs to be vigilant over himself, so that under the pretext of justice he does not indulge one passion of unbridled nature, even if anger is sometimes aroused for just reasons. Still, it is very dangerous to sail a small boat into a stormy sea, steer it against the angry waves and not be sunk or break on the rocks. In any case, whoever, in anger, allows himself barbs and slander, clearly shows that he is driven by an unkind spirit. Especially people with an irritable temperament should try, in any case, to curb their anger, which is easily aroused in them even for little reason; and the more wood and more often you add to this fire, the more it will flare up until it turns into an all-consuming flame. And if you don’t give food to the fire, it will little by little go out on its own.

Remedies for Anger

To curb anger, it is advised to prepare in advance for those occasions in which anger may be aroused, and try to restrain it. And even if there were a sudden outbreak, then one must try not to utter offensive words to the one who gave rise to anger; Thus, little by little, with God’s help, you can get used to facing troubles with composure.

The holy Psalmist spoke about this (see:).

Anger must be suppressed by thinking about it harmful consequences for us and for others. Man’s anger does not create God’s righteousness (), that is, good deeds pleasing to God, but it causes a lot of evil. To tame anger, you do not need to value any things, nothing earthly, except virtue.

Any unpleasantness from which anger can be aroused must be looked at as a temptation or punishment sent from God for our sins. In this case, one must humble oneself, blame oneself, recognize oneself as worthy of grief, and excuse others who have caused grief, as an instrument of God’s punishment, attribute it not to malicious intent, but to error, distraction from passion, the deception of the devil, or the weakness common to all of us, by which everything We sin a lot against others, as the apostle says (), and we need to pray for the one who offended. This is a matter of humility and love, and humility and love are the best weapons against any passion.

If an unexpected temptation comes to you, says Saint Maximus the Confessor, do not blame the one through whom it comes, but seek out why it comes, and you will find correction. For whether through one or the other, you had to drink wormwood from the cup of God’s destinies. The prudent, thinking about the healing provided by the destinies of God, with thanksgiving endures the disasters that happen according to God’s judgment, not laying the blame for his sins on anyone, but the foolish, not comprehending the wise Providence, having sinned and being punished, blames either God or people for his evils. Saint Abba Dorotheos says that insults are sent from God through people, but we leave God, who allows adversity to come upon us to cleanse our sins, and become angry with people. The saint says that, having spoken about any matter once, we must then forgive the one about whom we think that he has offended us, even if this offense had correct basis, even if she didn’t have it at all, knowing that the reward for forgiveness of offenses exceeds the reward of any other virtue. We should even rejoice at various grievances from people, and not to grieve; to rejoice not simply and not without reasoning, but because we have the opportunity to forgive someone who has sinned against us and for this sake receive forgiveness of our own sins. Finally, forcing ourselves to curb our anger, we must pray to God to send us help to tame our anger, because without God’s help we cannot achieve anything good. If the Lord does not build a spiritual house, those who build it work in vain ().

Prayer of the Optina Elders

Lord, let me meet with peace of mind everything that the coming day will bring me. Let me completely surrender to Your holy will. For every hour of this day, instruct and support me. Whatever news I receive during the day, teach me to accept it with a calm soul and a firm conviction that everything is Your holy will.

In all my words and deeds, guide my thoughts and feelings. In all unforeseen cases, do not let me forget that everything was sent down by You.

Teach me to act directly and wisely with each member of my family, without confusing or upsetting anyone.

Lord, give me strength to endure the fatigue of the coming day and all the events during the day. Guide my will and teach me to repent, pray, believe, hope, endure, forgive, thank and love everyone. Amen.

IN Everyday life We get impatient sometimes, and that's okay: maybe your train is late, or you can't wait to get home from work and start watching your favorite show. But there is one place where impatience is not at all welcome - in relationships. When you are solving problems with your significant other, demanding quick solutions and easy ways out is not The best way. But the rewards for patience in relationships are worth it. serious efforts and time. If you show patience and consideration for each other every day, you can create a happy and healthy relationship together.

Steps

Be patient with your partner

1. Consider your partner's feelings. If you are patient and kind to your partner, he will feel loved and adored. If you are impatient and intolerant, your partner will likely feel rejected. Your actions and reactions may have direct influence how your partner is feeling, so think about it when you're getting impatient or frustrated. Remember that you care deeply about your partner and you don't want to hurt them.

   • For example, if your partner forgets to stop and buy milk by saying, “It's okay, we'll buy it later,” you are showing that you understand it was a simple mistake. If you say something like, “I can’t believe you did that again. You always forget everything,” you are implying that your partner is full of flaws and that his mistakes are unacceptable. Remember that a small mistake like this is not the end of the world.

2. Consider your answers. Immediately showing intolerance is the norm these days; Many people assume that mistakes or inconveniences are the result of other people's failures and carelessness. However, this is a rather harsh view of those around you and can cause you to say hurtful things before you realize it. Great way break this habit of using a “silencer” to force yourself to think before answering.

   • For example, you can make it a habit to take three deep breaths before you say anything when something upsets you. This will give you time to think about the situation and respond accordingly. You'll probably realize that what you thought was a huge mistake actually wasn't. a big problem, and the reaction may not be anger, but understanding.
   • In a more serious situation, you may want to leave the room or go for a walk. This will allow you to cool down and think about your reaction.

3. Expectations must be realistic. Patience will come with understanding, and one of the most important points The thing to understand about your partner is that he is not perfect. And it can’t be! When you set unrealistic expectations for your partner or decide that absolutely everything has to go a certain way, you are bound to be disappointed. This frustration will lead to impatience and dissatisfaction in the relationship. You can avoid this by simply maintaining reasonable expectations for your partner.

   • An example of an unreasonable expectation would be thinking that your partner should be home promptly at 5:30 every day, even if his commute from work takes 25 minutes and he works until 5:00. This doesn't allow time to consider things like the drive to the car or traffic jams, and ultimately sets your partner up for failure. Try setting more reasonable boundaries instead, such as expecting your partner to let you know when they'll be staying late or coming home late for some reason.
   • Another example is expecting your significant other to always want to watch the same shows as you. Instead, you can expect that sometimes he will let you choose, and other times you will let him choose. Compromise and understanding are key ingredients in any relationship.

4. See your partner as a whole person. Remember that there is no perfect relationship. There will inevitably be moments of tension between you and your partner from time to time, and that's okay. Instead of letting this tension define your relationship during times like these, always remember what you love about your partner. When you look at him as a whole person, it is easier for you to be patient during stressful times.

   • For example, if your partner does something that really annoys you, like tapping his foot, don't let that irritant take precedence over all the good qualities you love about your partner.
   • You may also notice that some expressions your significant other uses frequently are repeated to you frequently. Keep in mind that you likely spend more time in his company than anyone else, and therefore hear more of his stories and phrases. Remember that these things are part of the whole person you fell in love with and they are not that important in the long run.

5. Practice positive self-talk. Listen to the internal dialogue that plays out in your mind all day long. This is your conversation with yourself. Your self-talk can torment you just as easily as other people's phrases, or, on the contrary, it can boost your confidence. When you analyze yourself and think (or tell) yourself to be patient, focus on your progress in a positive way. It's easy to get upset when you're angry, but positive attitude will help you calm down and look at things rationally.

   • For example, avoid thoughts such as “I'm just not patient enough to deal with this.” Change such thoughts to positive ones by thinking or saying something like: “Working through this will require a lot of patience. I can do this if I put in the right amount of time and control my emotions.”

Daily practice of patience

1. Be aware of your stress. Understand your stress levels and know the factors that affect you the most. Try journaling about these top stressors and how they make you feel. When you understand your triggers, you can better control your stress levels. Controlling your stress will allow you to focus on being more patient person. Common stress factors may include:

   • traffic jams;
   • long queues;
   • too frequent phone calls;
   • deadlines.

2. Stay positive. In most situations you can see the positive and negative side. How patient you will be in a certain situation depends on how positive or negative your outlook is. If you focus on positive aspects situations, you will be much more patient.

   • For example, if you believe that time spent in traffic is Lost time, you will be frustrated and impatient. Instead, reframe the situation. Sure, you wasted a lot of time in traffic, but it was a great opportunity to talk to your significant other. This subtle twist makes the experience positive and you will both be more patient.

Are you stuck in traffic or just can't muster the strength to start a new project? Impatience and lack of composure are completely natural qualities that appear when something goes wrong. Learn to control yourself and your emotions - this will help you become calmer, happier and more patient, no matter what. unpleasant situation you will find yourself!

Steps

Learn to be patient with the situation

1. Pay attention to your thoughts and physical sensations when you feel impatient and irritable. If you are in stressful situation

   • , pay attention to thoughts that may indicate your impatience, for example: “This is how it always happens!” or “How he annoys me!” and so on. When you become aware of these thoughts, stop and analyze your physical sensations. You'll likely be able to recognize the signs of impatience right away and then work to suppress them. Some physical signs are listed below:
   • muscle tension;
   • restless, shaky legs or feet;
   • severe tension in the hands;
   • rapid breathing;
   • rising heart rate

2. irritability and anger. Find out what caused the irritability. Once you realize you're impatient, it's time to figure out why. Think about irritability and ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way?” Here are a few common reasons

   • anger: Reality does not meet your expectations. For example, you suddenly got stuck in a traffic jam and there were no people available in the restaurant. free seats
   • - all this makes you irritated and disappointed.
   • Keep in mind that people don't always behave the way you expect them to. For example, you become impatient when someone in line in front of you at the grocery store chats too long with the cashier or is too slow in collecting their purchases. When you can't quickly learn a new skill. For example, we often get angry when we cannot understand new mathematical formula
   • When we can't control our thoughts. You may be infuriated by the fact that you cannot control the thoughts and emotions that arise in your mind (even if you have accepted that there is nothing you can do about it).

3. Suppress impatience before it builds up. By taking a few simple steps, you can break this cycle before your emotions get the better of you, giving you the opportunity to choose the right course of action. So, you can take your wallet or phone out of your pocket and put it in another pocket. Take chapstick or a small piece of paper out of your bag and simply hold it in your hand (or put it in your pocket).

   • Focus on your movements and physical sensations, on the object you are holding - this will help distract you from negative emotions.

4. Make 5 deep breaths and exhale to slow down the heart rate a little. Close your eyes and take a deep breath (“chest” and “stomach”). Hold your breath for a second and then exhale slowly. Feel your body calm down, allow your mind to feel this relaxation and banish negative thoughts.

   • Taking a few deep breaths will not only help you relax your body, but it will also give you the opportunity to pause and calm yourself before you say or do anything rash.

5. Try to look at the situation from a different angle. Most of the situations that cause us to lose patience and become angry are those that are not so easy to change (if the solution was that simple, you would probably have found it already). Instead of focusing on your feelings of powerlessness, try focusing on what you can change: your attitude towards the situation. Tell yourself: “I can’t escape the situation, but I can improve it.”

   • If you're feeling frustrated about having to write an essay, you can try focusing on making your environment more pleasant. Play some music to help you concentrate, make yourself some tea or have a snack.
   • You can also think about what really bothers you about the situation, such as the fact that writing an essay is taking a long time. It might be worth putting the clock out of sight so you don't have to pay attention to how quickly time is passing.

6. Try to find something good or interesting in this situation if you can. If you can't change a situation, the best thing you can do is change your attitude towards it. Ask yourself to find something good in what is happening now, and then focus on that rather than on your anger. At first it will be difficult, because like many negative emotions, anger and impatience make us feel strong and powerful in that particular moment, but forcing yourself to focus on positive thoughts will help you feel much better in the long run.

   • For example, if you're stuck in traffic, chat with another passenger or (if your car has Bluetooth connectivity) call a friend or family member. Try finding a new radio station or insert a different CD and sing along!

   Work on being more patient in the future

   1. Keep a journal to understand what makes you angry and impatient. Take your little one with you notebook and take notes every time you feel angry and angry. Write down the date and time it happened and describe how this situation makes you feel physically and emotionally. After 2 weeks, read your diary and think about what situations most often cause you to have outbursts of rage.

      • For example, you may realize that your feelings are often caused by disappointment in other people. You can write: “June 1, math lesson, 14:00. I got angry because Dima solved the problems too slowly. My muscles started to tense up.”
      • Journaling about situations that make you feel angry and impatient has the bonus of allowing you to filter emotions, which can help you feel calmer and less stressed.

   2. Come up with a strategy for yourself that will help you confront those situations that make you irritable.

      • Ask yourself what you can do to counteract the impatience these situations make you feel, and then write down step-by-step “instructions” that you can follow anywhere, anytime.
      • For example, if you often feel irritated when communicating with your friends and family, the behavior strategy could be as follows: “Take 3 deep breaths. Explain why you feel irritated. Take a break and go for a walk if you still feel irritated.” Get creative and try a few to understand what works best. Give yourself time to change, understand that it won't happen overnight, but over time you can fix it.

   3. As soon as you start to feel irritable, try a short meditation. Try to look at this feeling as an opportunity to focus on your breathing and be alone with yourself. Stand up straight or sit in a chair and breathe deeply, paying attention to the pace of your inhalations and exhalations. Close your eyes if possible (or focus on fixed point in the room).

      • Do these short meditation sessions several times a day, even if you don't feel irritable or angry. The relaxation that comes with meditation will help you respond more calmly when an unpleasant situation arises.

   4. Exercise regularly to relieve stress. Try to do these exercises every day, even if it's just walking or jogging up and down the stairs. Sport exercises suppress the production of cortisol (stress hormone), which promotes relaxation after stressful situations.

      • If you have time, try being more active physical activity, such as jogging, swimming, cycling or light strength exercise.
      • Sometimes with the help physical exercise You can suppress your irritability this moment. If you're feeling angry about a project, get up from your desk and take a five-minute walk.
      • If you're stuck in traffic, try moving your arms and head to the rhythm of the music.

   5. Be prepared to deal with any irritability caused by the long wait. Many people become impatient when they have to wait a long time (for example, in line at the doctor's office or in a restaurant with slow service). If you can distract yourself with something while you wait, it will be much easier to remain calm.

      • For example, you might take a book, crossword puzzle, or pocket game with you when you know you'll likely have to wait for a while (for example, when going to the doctor or to a crowded supermarket).
      • In addition, you can try to distract yourself with improvised means. Listen to the conversations of those around you, watch other drivers stuck in traffic with you, read newspaper and magazine headlines while you sit in line.

   6. Ask for help if you feel like you're about to explode. Think about what tasks you could outsource and talk to a friend, family member or colleague about whether they can help you. By relieving yourself of some responsibilities and responsibilities, you will reduce your stress levels and reduce the risk of becoming angry and irritable.

      • For example, if you are frustrated about completing a project, talk to your boss or professor about whether you can ask a colleague or fellow student for help.
      • Say, “I've worked quite a lot on this project, and it's too much work for me alone. Maybe you could allow me to choose a partner with whom we can bring this project to completion?”
      • Don't be shy to ask for help, especially when it's related to your emotional health. More often than not, people are willing to help, and you can relax a little if you share the work with someone else.

   Accept what you can't change

   1. Learn to suppress your irritability in the future. When you are in the midst of a situation, key point is deciding to do or not do something, and thinking about what might happen under each of these options - this fuels your irritation. Instead, ask yourself, “Where am I going in such a hurry?” Even if you resolve this situation a little later, you will still do it and everything will work out great.

      • In fact, when emergency situations this point of view will not be correct. For example, if you are waiting for an ambulance to arrive to help an injured person, the time it arrives will be a very important factor.
      • IN similar situation try to channel your irritability into something you can do (perhaps provide comfort to the victim or find out Additional information from the ambulance operator).

   2. Be kind to yourself about your shortcomings. If your irritability is because you're upsetting yourself, take a step back and realize that you're expecting too much of yourself. Striving to improve yourself and learn new skills is great, but beating yourself up and beating yourself up will only make you lose confidence. Instead, pay attention to your shortcomings and see how you can correct or work around them (maybe even turn them into a positive!)

      • The feeling of impatience with ourselves is caused by the fact that we often think: “The faster, the better,” which is not always true.
      • By going slowly and deliberately, you will begin to understand the essence more deeply, and you will be able to really enjoy it.
      • Remember that most things and activities take time and effort. Being patient with yourself is the best gift you can give yourself.

   3. Accept the fact that your desires are not always fulfilled. Very often, anger and irritability come from disappointment that people or situations do not live up to our expectations. Instead of expecting certain things, try shifting your focus from waiting to enjoying pleasant surprises. Accept that people and situations will never be perfect, so try to accept all life's twists and turns with humor.

      • For example, instead of getting annoyed when your friend accidentally spills a drink, remember that it's just an accident and no one is perfect. Take a moment to take a deep breath, calm down, realize that everything is okay, and move on.

   4. List the things you feel grateful for every day. Research has shown that people who consistently show gratitude in their daily lives are more likely to be patient and have better self-control. Every day, think of 3-4 things you are grateful for. Take a moment to savor the feeling of gratitude and focus on that feeling.

      • For example, you can show gratitude for having a roof over your head, dreams and goals for the future, and friends who love you.

All people need to develop patience. It helps you feel more energetic and calm. It improves the ability to listen and empathize, as well as respond more effectively, not get into quarrels, and not spoil relationships with loved ones.

Impatience resembles anxiety. It is very tiring and destroys your nervous strength. How anxiety and impatience can be managed. Here are some ways:

1. Breathe deeply. Consciously managing your breathing can help you slow down your thinking. While someone is asking you for something for the third time, you breathe deeply and give yourself time to calm down rather than get annoyed.

2. Change focus. If you feel yourself getting irritated, try to change your focus to the things that are given to you positive emotions and a feeling of peace. You have the right to choose what to focus your attention on.

3. Every time you feel your impatience growing and you start lashing out at others, ask yourself why. Explore own thinking, and not the shortcomings and absurdities in others.

Let's continue to practice patience:

4. Revamp your communication strategies if you have difficulty understanding. Remind yourself that everyone is different. Take the opportunity to learn a new strategy. Learn to understand others, look at things from different angles.

5. Make a list of goals related to your patience. See what makes you irritable. Brainstorm possible ways responding will help you see the possibility of other reactions that you can develop and turn into a more patient person.

6. Think about times when others practiced their patience. Remember how it positively affected you. This awareness can motivate you to be more patient with others.

7. Remember and analyze situations in which others were not patient with you. How did you feel? Do you want others to feel this way?

8. Mentally reward yourself for practicing patience or keep a journal of your victories. You should be proud of yourself for becoming more balanced and patient.

People often make mistakes because of their intolerance. In any situation you need to remain calm. Take a few deep breaths and count slowly to ten. After all, it’s very easy to do, but difficult to smooth out. Let's consider the theoretical and practical advice how to learn patience, gain positive features character and much more.

What is patience?

It refers to good qualities that allow you to calmly, judiciously, without any nervous outbursts or hysterics, withstand and overcome any adversity in life.

The opinion of many that it gives rise to inaction and powerlessness is erroneous. This is a deep misconception. It is important to distinguish between the two sides of the term. One is characterized by the ability to wait, without losing hope of achieving the goal, not to rush around, doing. This is where strength lies.

But the opposite demonstrates the inability to withstand adversity. A person endures all insults and humiliations, completely submitting to the current problem. This is a sign of weakness.

You can talk about healthy patience only if you have a goal. And then it will be reasonable to endure in order to move towards it and achieve it. Otherwise it is absurd submission. We will figure out how to learn patience and restraint.

Only successful people achieve success!

This suggests that you need to set a goal and achieve it. Motivation will help. Think about the benefits you will get from learning self-restraint. So:

1. There is no need to strive to conquer great peaks. Start small.
2. Never stop halfway. Bring the matter to completion by any means, just not illegal, of course.
3. Don’t despair if something doesn’t work out, don’t give up, try again and again.
4. Don't be too strict with self, do not scold for wrongdoing. Learn to be patient with yourself first.
5. If it has completely dried up, count to ten and reverse side.
6. Try to distract yourself by thinking about pleasant things. Let's say about your upcoming vacation or what you'll cook for dinner, how you'll spend the weekend.

And most importantly, do not forget that learning patience will not happen quickly. This will require a lot of time and effort.

Let's consider a few more important points

It is necessary to understand that there are situations that we cannot change, no matter how much we would like to. For example, reduce queues at the store or traffic jams, change a person. He just needs to be accepted with his character traits. You should not be scattered and vigorously defend your point of view if this does not bring results. Consider your surroundings. You should not communicate with conflicting, inadequate people. So, let's figure out further how to learn patience.

Live with peace in your soul

It is necessary to accept any situation that happens to you, and also live in harmony with yourself and the world. For example, a person gets sick. He can only be healed if he accepts and understands the illness. It is important to understand why he came into his life, what needs to be corrected. Same with other unfavorable incidents. Until you accept it, unfortunately, nothing will be fixed. We continue to understand the question of how to learn humility and patience.

When calmness comes in your soul, and you realize that the situation does not bother you, does not irritate you, does not bring pain - humility has set in. And in no case should you assume that humility and acceptance are weakness. These personal traits help to take correct actions on external level.

How to learn patience in a relationship?

The whole problem is that the desired picture of a loved one or lover does not coincide with reality. The idealized image and actions are different from those in reality. And what happens next? I want to correct the second half, they say, then everything will change and everything will be fine. Unfortunately, the root of the problem often lies within ourselves. You need to start with yourself and change your attitude towards your loved one.

We are responsible for what happens to us in life. And each situation is given not as a punishment, but as a lesson. Should be removed useful experience and move on, never looking back. So, to the recommendations:

1. There needs to be a change in thinking. Learn to direct your thoughts to develop patience.
2. Control yourself when you need to be patient. Pay attention to how you react to the current situation. This is to see how you perceive problems of this kind. If you accept it internally, it means that the difficulties are in love relationships not scary.
3. Impatience creates unfulfilled expectations. How to learn patience with a man? Don't think about how it should be. Often life situations cannot be changed, they must be accepted. For example, my husband never puts dirty dishes in the sink. Think that he shouldn’t, but it would be nice if he cleaned up the dirty rags from the table, and then this problem will become a secondary problem that will not require constant patience.
4. Have an internal dialogue. When you feel on edge when talking to your spouse, tell yourself to be patient and listen.
5. Relationships are a two-person job. And your opinion is part of the shared love canvas.
6. Speak. Feel free to bare your thoughts, share your feelings and experiences. Communication is the key to solving all problems.
7. Be alone with your thoughts. Learn patience on your own. Look at the relationship from the outside and think about when you can be patient.

And the main thing is to understand that only by joining forces in working together To maintain relationships, you can learn restraint.

Let's look at several effective ways

Only by showing restraint will it be possible to create high-quality and strong bonds. We will give tips on how to learn patience in a relationship with a man. So:

1. Get to know your partner better, his strengths and weak sides, disposition He should not be viewed solely as a sexual object.
2. Accept your flaws. So that they do not become a subject of contention, it is necessary to come to terms with them, because there are no ideal people. Allow your chosen one to remain himself, without trying on the masks of an idealized man.
3. Be honest with him. Only by knowing the root of the problem can you find a compromise and have the patience to solve it.
4. Selflessness and understanding are the path to patience. You need to not only be able to speak, but also listen to your partner. You may not agree with his opinion, but you need to listen.
5. while the man throws lightning bolts. Give him the opportunity to let off steam, don't respond with aggression.
6. Instead, after the outburst of his emotions, spend time together in silence. Take a silent walk holding hands around the square.
7. Find compromises. Learn to build a calm and competent dialogue, defend your opinion and create your own conditions in order to reach a consensus.

How to learn patience and calmness? You need to be a team, make decisions together. Common interests will help to unite, for example, doing fitness, or some exciting game.

How should a woman behave?

To create a strong family, it is necessary to make maximum efforts on both sides, of course. But now we'll talk about some lady tricks. So:

1. You can’t become his “mommy.”
2. Don't sacrifice own interests.
3. Do not idealize your lover for his possible achievements and virtues.

You should not be responsible for the other half and dissolve in it completely, forgetting about yourself. It is necessary to remain an individual, strive for self-realization and only then help others. No, of course, it is necessary to take care of your other half, but this should not turn into obsessive care. So, now we know how to learn patience in a relationship with a man. Summarize.

How to develop this quality?

Let us finally give you some more advice:

1. Start slowly counting to yourself to ten, pronouncing each number well when your patience runs out. Even if you don’t change your mind about making your prepared speech, it will have a different emotional coloring.
2. Attend psychologists, yoga and meditation courses.
3. Always bring any task to the end.
4. Train breathing exercises, starting with mastering one exercise every morning so that it brings joy and does not turn into a tedious obligation.
5. Praise and pamper yourself for the results achieved.

Also, to develop patience, find an activity that requires attentiveness, perseverance, and painstaking work. For example, beadwork, assemble car models, puzzles, and you will definitely succeed.