Why do I often say I don’t want to? How to communicate with people you don't want to communicate with

Surely each of us has had to face problems shoulder to shoulder. psychological nature. Every person has periods when he becomes indifferent to everything, does not strive for anything, does not have the slightest desire to do anything. Psychologists call this state of deep indifference apathy. “I don’t want to communicate with anyone,” this phrase can often be heard from a person suffering from this psychotic disorder. What are the causes of apathy, how to recognize it and what advice do psychologists give to cope with this problem?

One of the forms defensive reaction mental health to stressful situations, lack of sleep, emotional experiences, physical or moral exhaustion can become indifference not only to everything around you and what is happening, but also to yourself. This depressed state is characterized by general decline forces, therefore long-term stay in it is dangerous not only for the mental, but also for the physical health of a person. With apathy, the risk of “paralyzing” the personality increases: due to focusing exclusively on own problems the patient stops finding positive points V different situations and see the beauty of the outside world.

A person suffering from apathy has no desire to communicate with people. It is quite difficult to cope with this type of disorder on your own. The patient will need enormous willpower, dedication and determination. With this problem, most patients turn to psychotherapists. In complicated cases, the patient may completely withdraw from society, fall out of real world. Apathy is often accompanied by depression, and in the absence of treatment, the most dangerous scenario for the development of these disorders is often a person’s attempts to take his own life, which seems worthless and useless to him.

To understand the reasons why there is no desire to communicate, you need to delve into your subconscious and find there a reflection of specific events in your personal or public life, which could cause serious damage to the patient’s psyche. The symptoms of this pathology cannot be confused with a bad mood, which is temporary. When looking at a person with apathy, there is always a feeling as if he does not hear or notice anything around him.

If the patient declares: “I don’t want any communication!”, drastic measures must be taken urgently. Apathy is amenable to medication and psychotherapeutic correction, but every step in the treatment of this condition must be competent and clearly weighed.

Like any other disease, the appearance of this disorder was preceded by certain factors. Indifference by itself cannot arise in empty space, without any reason. Most often, apathy, due to which a person does not want to communicate with anyone, is a consequence of harsh self-criticism and dissatisfaction with oneself, which leads to a refusal to implement important plans.

The actual reasons for the appearance of an indifferent state include stress and emotional turmoil. Progressive apathy is accompanied by laziness, lack of emotions and even neglect appearance and hygiene. Often, people with mental apathy have untidy and very dirty homes.

It happens that strong shocks occur in our lives. The death of loved ones or relatives, betrayal of a loved one or separation from him, serious injuries and disabilities - all this affects emotional state. Any incidents that can affect the way of life deprive you of strength and force you to give up.

Apathy and a feeling of helplessness fetter a person in all spheres of his life. To accept what happened and come to your senses, a lot of time must pass after experiencing grief.

A series of experiences will not benefit anyone stressful situations. Almost always indifferent person becomes a result of protracted psycho-emotional stress which leads to exhaustion nervous system. At risk are people who endlessly doubt themselves, are in depressing feelings, and are worried. Without noticing it, the patient plunges into a depressed state. If he says: “I don’t want to communicate with people!”, most likely, his apathy has reached a critical point.

The turning point in the course of this mental illness is the stage during which the destruction of the personality occurs. Experiencing negative emotions over a long period of time, a person subconsciously gets used to them. The result is complete dissatisfaction with life and hopelessness. A once confident person now no longer believes in himself and only focuses on problems.

Excessive workloads and lack of pleasure from work often lead to loss of vitality and deep fatigue. Working hard, every person unconsciously wants to receive in return something that will bring him moral satisfaction. If a business in which you had to invest a lot of energy and labor ultimately does not live up to expectations, after physical exhaustion comes moral exhaustion.

“I don’t want to communicate with friends, go to work and think about the future” - this is typical model behavior for patients with apathy. The duration of treatment depends on the person. Therapy will be long and exhausting if he cannot find a suitable stimulus.

Fatigue - main enemy good mood, positive thoughts and self-confidence. If it becomes chronic, emotional burnout inevitably. Apathy does not occur where there are no compelling reasons for it, so it is extremely important for people prone to psychotic disorders to avoid stressful situations, not to allow themselves to get involved in conflicts and emotional distress.

Usually, close relatives and family members realize that a person needs the help of specialists. More and more often they hear from him that, they say, I’m tired of everything, nothing makes any sense, I don’t even want to communicate with friends and acquaintances. What to do in this situation?

An apathetic disorder may well have led to fantastic expectations. For example, a person just started doing what he loves, but at the same time he immediately wanted to get high income. Thus, he places too stringent demands on himself and even deprives himself of the right to make mistakes.

But it is known that success can only be achieved through persistent efforts and trial and error. Anyone can make a mistake by making the wrong decision, but only for a psychologically stable person, wrong steps are a reason to try again or try something else. People prone to apathy perceive their own failures as real drama. Perfectionists often suffer from this disorder. They are too self-critical of personal achievements, considering them small and insignificant. This is what prevents a person from feeling completely happy and achieving their goals.

This is one of the reasons why a person refuses to fight the problem and generally make contact with anyone. The phrase “I don’t want to communicate with people” in psychology can be perceived as a consequence of addictive behavior. Addiction is an obsessive need to perform certain actions. This term is often used not only to define drug, drug, alcohol or gambling addiction.

When talking about addiction, psychologists mean a condition in which a person loses his individuality, ceases to control himself, and has no respect for himself and others.

You can understand that apathy was provoked by addiction by the patient’s behavior and his attitude towards others. All thoughts and desires dependent person are aimed only at satisfying their needs (take drugs, smoke a cigarette, see the object of their desire, etc.). A person with an addictive disorder is not able to manage his own life and take responsibility for what is happening.

It is quite possible that the cause of the sudden isolation and depressive mood is a serious illness. It is not surprising that a person who feels bad says, “I don’t want to communicate with people.” What to do? In most cases, patients undergoing complex treatment are prescribed antidepressants. In case of a protracted illness that makes adjustments to familiar image life, a person becomes emotionally depressed. An illness can deprive you of the strength to enjoy even pleasant little things.

All the energy and resources of the body are spent exclusively on fighting the disease, therefore, to overcome the feeling of helplessness and raise the spirit, the patient is prescribed antidepressants. These medications help relieve fatigue and help maintain interest in life and doing things you love.

Another reason why a person may say: “I don’t want to communicate with anyone!” may be tense relationships among friends, a team, or family. Not wanting to make contact, on a subconscious level he protects himself from non-acceptance of himself by his environment. In psychology, this phenomenon is called “personality dissatisfaction syndrome.” It takes its roots, as a rule, from unsuccessful relationships with management, colleagues, relatives, etc.

If a person often hears critical statements addressed to himself and is forced to be in a state of constant confrontation, sooner or later he ceases to believe in his own rightness, and self-doubt is the first step towards apathy.

Not always we're talking about about a psychotic disorder if a person has no desire to communicate with people. Psychiatry says almost nothing about PMS, but many women know firsthand about apathy during this period. A state of spiritual emptiness and indifference is not uncommon for the fair sex on the eve of the menstrual cycle. Women become easily vulnerable, whiny, sentimental, and touchy.

“I don’t want to communicate with people” - these depressing and frightening thoughts are familiar to everyone who has encountered apathy. It manifests itself in a very specific way. People who have experienced the hardships of all manifestations of this psychotic disorder know how difficult it is to cope with this problem and learn to find positivity in life again.

A person in a state of apathy has no desire to communicate with people. He practically does not notice what is happening around him, he stops even thinking about his usual needs: he forgets to have dinner on time, to go for a walk fresh air, take a shower, refuses to meet with friends, etc. Those around him get the impression that the patient has forgotten how to experience feelings of joy and show emotions; it seems that the person has wandered into a dead end and now does not know what to do next, in which direction to take the course .

People suffering from apathy are emotionally indifferent. Most of they have time Bad mood, it is impossible to cheer them up, charge them positive emotions, give optimism and instill faith in a bright future. If a person does not want to communicate with people, the diagnosis of “apathy” is not made at the first appointment with a specialist. The patient begins to be monitored to determine other symptoms characteristic of this psychotic disorder.

Indifference to everything around you - absolute sign apathy. If a person does not cope with his problem over a period of time, a psychotic disorder will begin to affect his overall health. Along with inspiration and vitality, people, for example, lose their appetite. Against the background of emotional depression, the sensitivity of taste and olfactory receptors is suppressed, so even your favorite dishes cease to please. Sometimes patients refuse food altogether.

In any manifestation, apathy forces you to avoid contact with people. “I don’t want communication, it’s better for me to be alone,” patients say this almost unanimously. It is much easier and more comfortable for a patient to be alone than to spend time with loved ones. Psychologists explain the lack of a sociable mood by saying that people lose moral strength and self-confidence with this diagnosis. A person does not want to communicate with people, because there is simply no energy left for communication. He deliberately minimizes any conversations. Persons in an apathetic state are not able to show initiative and activity when interacting with other people.

Emotional depression not only affects your mood, but also negatively affects your level of performance. Labor productivity drops so much that a person ceases to be confident that he can complete even those tasks that he previously coped with without difficulty. Instead of being cheerful and interested, the patient feels lethargic and drowsy. Makes you sleepy even before important meetings, and in the voice one can clearly hear notes of indifference and indifference to what is happening.

Why don’t you want to communicate with anyone, and your favorite activities now don’t bring you pleasure? All patients suffering from apathy come to psychologists with this question. People are also often interested in whether the disorder needs to be treated. Here the answer is obvious: with apathy, each patient needs the help of specialists and the support of those close to him, but in to a greater extent the effectiveness of therapy will depend on whether the person himself realizes that his life is wasted and he needs urgent treatment.

This condition cannot be left to chance. To overcome apathy, you need to step over shame and shyness and turn to a specialist. You can consult a psychologist, a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist.

A psychologist has knowledge in this area and can give basic advice, but to make a diagnosis and prescribe drug treatment This specialist is not competent enough. If the psychologist sees a problem, he refers the patient to a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. It is important to put aside all prejudices and stereotypes, because these specialists are visited not only by mentally ill people, but also by mentally healthy people. In addition, a psychiatrist can treat insomnia, various phobias, epilepsy and other diseases.

If we analyze the most popular tips psychologists and psychiatrists regarding the treatment of apathy, then certain conclusions can be drawn. According to most experts, at the first symptoms of this disorder it is necessary:

• Cope with laziness. By any means you need to force yourself to move. The easiest way is to go to the gym. During training, the patient will involuntarily plunge into a state of languor and relaxation, which will distract from problems and gloomy thoughts.
• Don't stop communicating. “I don’t want to meet or talk to anyone” - perhaps this is how a person suffering from apathy will answer. Most likely, he himself does not know what he is giving up: evening gatherings with an old friend and a bottle of light wine are not such a bad cure for apathy and blues. Of course, if you don't abuse it.
• Get plenty of rest and sleep. Apathy often occurs in people who are constantly in an intense rhythm of life. You need to sleep at least 7-8 hours a day.
• Eat right. Psychological well-being each of us depends largely on what we eat. The body must receive all the necessary vitamins and microelements. It is better to give up processed foods and fast food forever.
• Listen classical music. Scientists have repeatedly proven that the works of great authors can charge you with positive energy and give you an uplifting mood, which is so lacking in apathy.
• Do yoga. If a person communicates with people and engages in any activity, he can be brought back to life with the help of mantra yoga. The essence of the method is singing sacred text, during which a special vibration background is created that has a positive effect on the psycho-emotional state.
• Get out of your stupor. To end apathy, it is necessary to create a surge of emotions. There is no universal recipe here: one person needs extreme sports, even skydiving, while for another, watching their favorite comedy movie or energetic dancing may be enough.
• Stop regularly reading or watching the news. Often the media present information that causes irritation, fear, disappointment, envy, anger and other depressing emotions. Tragic news, shocking talk shows, and television programs about diseases can leave a negative imprint on the subconscious.
• Learn to manage your apathy. It’s better to overcome yourself and start reading literature about psychological problems oh, why mope and suffer from idleness.

If a patient has no desire to communicate with anyone, this does not mean that he is not inclined to emotional empathy. Each of us, to a greater or lesser extent, can support another person. Therefore, those who suffer from apathy need to communicate more with energetic and cheerful people.

Lack of desire to communicate and indifference to own life - obvious signs psychotic disorder. But like any other disease, it is much easier to cope with it at the first symptoms. A patient who follows the above recommendations has no chance of losing the fight, but one way or another, serious efforts will be required. volitional efforts. The main thing is not to get hung up on a depressed state. It is most correct to perceive apathy as a short-term phenomenon, a kind of time-out for rest and respite from the busy rhythm of life.

Many psychotherapists are sure that a person who has lost the desire to communicate with people has problems with physical health, feeling unwell. The term “ mental health", which means peace of mind and well-being. "In a healthy body - healthy mind" - this saying is familiar to all of us since childhood, therefore the best prevention any psychological problems is to maintain optimal physical shape.

Exercising in the morning or light workout in the gym is one of the recipes for improving the condition of the nervous system. A couple of months of constant exercise is enough to see how your mood stabilizes and the desire to live and do what you love appears again. It does not matter at all what kind of sport the patient likes more - cycling or race walking, swimming or weight lifting - the main thing is to get the much-needed emotions and again feel an interest in satisfaction own desires.

When asking yourself: “Why don’t I want to communicate with people?”, you need to first of all pay attention to your sense of self and try to figure out what generally brings joy, a feeling of deep moral satisfaction. By doing something that gives real pleasure, a person blossoms, expands his potential capabilities and paths for self-realization.

Each of us has certain abilities, has an inclination towards one or another type of activity, and our favorite hobby always inspires, charges us with vital energy and gives optimism. Therefore, a hobby can be considered a full-fledged way to combat apathy.

If a person does not want to communicate with anyone, has become withdrawn and detached, how can I help him? It can be difficult to cure apathy without qualified help, but very often this phenomenon is not taken seriously enough. Therefore, it is important to understand that completely healthy person(mentally) such manifestations are not inherent, unless, of course, he decided to take a break and refuse communication in order to think about many things in his life.

With apathy, the patient experiences a significant decrease in the potential of resources and opportunities, and the motivation for productive work decreases. If a person has stopped taking care of his appearance, it is worth paying attention to whether his behavior shows signs of a depressive disorder. This disease is truly dangerous, as it can lead to a tragic end.

You can understand that you cannot do without the intervention of professionals based on two fundamental points:

• Duration. If the blues last for several days and then go away on their own, you don’t need to do anything about this manifestation. Otherwise, when a person refuses to communicate with others for more than two weeks in a row, this is a significant cause for concern.
• Severity of symptoms of apathy. If the disorder manifests itself in such a way that it does not in any way affect the usual way of life, there is most likely no urgent need to see a doctor. It is unlikely that you will be able to cure apathy on your own if the symptoms of the disorder are severe.

How do you know when it’s time to act together with professionals? Obvious symptoms are when the patient is unable to wake up and get ready for work in the morning, has practically stopped drinking and eating, washing clothes, taking care of himself, etc. If all these signs are present, there is no need to wait for anything, it is advisable to contact him as soon as possible to the doctor. Information about psychotherapists and psychiatrists can usually be found on websites in your city. All you need to do is call and make an appointment at convenient time. The doctor will listen to all complaints and prescribe suitable medications that will help restore lost vitality and joy of life.

Some psychotherapists have the skills of hypnosis - this is one of the expensive, but powerful and effective ways in the fight against psychotic disorders different types. For high-quality provision of such services, you should contact only highly qualified specialists. The effect usually occurs after several sessions. The patient begins to experience a surge of strength again and vital energy, freed from fears, worries and obsessive thoughts.

What to do if apathy is not permanent, but appears periodically? This disorder can significantly poison life for a long time. What to do in these cases? Many people use the tips listed earlier to cope with apathy. To use them you do not need any special skills or conditions. However, they will only become effective if the person using them realizes the need to treat and combat an apathetic state.

Why does apathy arise and why does the desire to communicate with others disappear? If you figure this out, it will be much easier to deal with the problem. Nothing ever happens to the body just like that: everything has its own physiological or psychosomatic reasons.

They helped us:

Marina Vershkova
Psychologist

Marianna Volkova
Practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology

Elena Kuzeeva
Psychologist

Marina Travkova
Family psychotherapist

You're not 15 for a long time, but it feels like dear person(parents, grandmother, older brother) makes your life unbearable, won’t let you go. All your attempts to establish communication have led nowhere. It doesn’t matter why: maybe this same relative is just an emotional abuser and doesn’t want to negotiate, but wants to ruin your life. Or just bad character and a person has a difficult fate, and you cry into your pillow at night, trying to understand what is to blame. The important thing is that you would be much happier if you interrupted or reduced communication to a minimum.

However, the fear of condemnation cancels out all the arguments of reason. After all, we hear from childhood that arguing with family is bad. Because there's nothing more important than family, and friends and others like them come and go. After all, what will people think?

What to do: “Speech in similar cases It’s about respecting personal boundaries, I’m sure family therapist Marina Travkova. – You can run away from your relatives far away, but the tension will still remain. Therefore, first you need to hear yourself, without turning a blind eye to your own discomfort, and finally choose who is dearer to you: you or all those people who will “say something.”

It is impossible to please everyone, so the person who sets himself similar task, – trapped. This lifestyle deprives you of joy, strength and health. It originates, as a rule, where a person from childhood was taught to be “the way he should be” and was taught that “he’s not like that, he’s wrong, no one needs him.”

Remind yourself that you are no longer a helpless baby. It is mortally scary for a child to be rejected by those he loves and on whom he depends. But you've grown up. And if someone is upset by your behavior, then, most likely, neither you nor the person upset will die from it. Gently but confidently explain that you, of course, are relatives, but this situation no longer suits you. Get ready for resistance - usually the “you’ll put up with me anyway” behavior is very popular with those who practice it, and your loved one will not give it up so easily. You still won’t be able to be good to everyone, but in this situation, someone has to show concern for you, and this someone, most likely, is you.”

This is generally the most popular excuse for those who tolerate both a despot husband and a boorish neighbor. There is a sea of ​​different “musts” that are carried out without thinking about who needs it and, in fact, why. You must definitely get married, build a dizzying career, travel around the world. One of these “musts” is the indispensable friendship with newly made relatives and “friends of friends,” as well as with their other halves. The usual neutral-respectful attitude and polite conversations in rare meetings are not suitable. It's friendship.

And it doesn’t matter that we choose husbands and friends based on common interests, mutual sympathy and other compatibility, and all the rest are included in the kit, as they are. AND mutual love it may not work out. Or there will be mutual dislike. Simply put, you are not ready and don’t want to become related to them, but you continue to put a good face on a bad game, supporting yourself with arguments: “we are one family,” “I was raised this way,” and “everyone does this.”

What to do: “If you dig deep,” says psychologist Marina Vershkova, “then the program “this is how it should be” has been preset for us since childhood. This behavior was typical of the generation of our grandmothers and mothers, and we inherited it. But if you look at the surface, this is the most common attempt to control the opinions of others about you. You selflessly make friends with the closest circle of the person dear to you, in this way trying to say: “I’m good, I’m doing everything right.”

But try to listen to your desires and determine which way of communicating with these people suits you best. Don’t be afraid to fantasize, play out this method to yourself and see what emotions and feelings it evokes in you.

However, you should not deceive yourself: if a certain “I don’t want” is discovered, you will have to legalize it, that is, admit it at least to yourself. This way it will be easier to understand that you don’t need such communication.”

For anyone who enjoys guilt-ridden behavior, it would be a good idea to keep on hand “The Rights of the Confident Person” (from the Psychological Individual Bill of Rights, a non-official document developed by the American Psychological Association).

Perhaps you yourself do not want to be tender friends with distant relatives and husbands of friends, but others expect this from you. Those whom you love very much and do not want to offend. For example, your man. You put a lot of effort, trying to be good for everyone, but in the end you are constantly nervous and you yourself are offended by him - for the fact that close person doesn’t understand you, doesn’t see how bad you feel in the presence of his mother. Such a situation may well end in a damaged relationship, for the benefit of which you tried so hard. Some call this feminine wisdom, which, however, is usually used to cover up anything, from fear of changing your life for the better to outright stupidity.

What to do: Marianna Volkova, a practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology, advises: “Understand that all your “sacrifices” in the name of general peace are absolutely in vain. While you suffer in silence, those around you are sure that everything is fine, and if one day you try to present your suffering as some kind of feat for the sake of your loved one, most likely they will simply not understand you. Agree, it’s strange to do what you don’t want and at the same time remain silent.

Sooner or later you will simply explode and throw out everything that has accumulated over the years. for a long time without controlling emotions. In this case, the truth will not be on your side: after all, if you did not show dissatisfaction before, it means that everything suited you. And suddenly - an unexpected scene. As a result, you risk being branded as an unbalanced hysterical woman.

The best way out would be a direct conversation, but based not on the personality of the unpleasant person, but on yours. own feelings and emotions. A compromise can always be found, but any compromise begins with a frank conversation.” It is possible that the one you are so afraid of offending will actually try to be offended. If a loved one stubbornly refuses to listen to you and your desires, all that remains is to simply confront him with a fact and remind him that you are also a living person and have the right to psychological comfort.

The ability to think about the feelings of loved ones and the desire to see them happy and contented is worthy of respect. But if at the same time you forget about your emotions and comfort, such psychological “long-suffering” threatens nervous disorders and, as a result, various diseases.

Psychologist Elena Kuzeeva has no doubt: “If you have noticed the characteristic of “tolerating and forgiving everything” and at the same time you are characterized by psychosomatic illnesses, the best solution will go for a consultation with an experienced specialist. Do you need emotional support and help in developing the ability to build boundaries in communication, plus you need to deal with strengthened for many years defense mechanisms. And it’s not always easy to do this alone.”

You have been communicating with a colleague since times that no one else in the team remembers. But many years have passed and you have no common interests left. Or, moreover, you have become uncomfortable - instead of the usual joy, you only experience irritation. It would seem that everything is obvious: communication should be curtailed or reduced to infrequent meetings with conversations about the weather and nature. But in reality, everything is not so rosy.

What to do: “If you not only disagree, but you actually experience negative emotions when communicating with a person, it is better to gradually reduce contact to nothing,” says Marianna Volkova. – Over time, people change, and perhaps you really are no longer on the path. Of course, it’s a shame to abandon a friend with whom you spent so much time. But often we are afraid of losing not the person himself, but communication as a ritual that accompanied every stage of our life.”

Such relationships can often be compared to a long-term marriage in which feelings have become a habit. It will most likely be a pity and insult for you to interrupt them. In this case, it helps to think about your opponent's feelings. A person sincerely believes that everything is as before, and strives for communication. So, even out of respect for your long-term friendship, stop pretending that everything is okay. You have 2 options: either honestly admit your feelings, or carefully reduce communication to a level at which you feel comfortable. The main thing is not to try to turn a blind eye to the situation.

What if you find yourself in any of the above situations, but on the other side of the barricade? “When you are unexpectedly denied communication, you most often begin to delve into yourself and look for reasons,” reflects Marianna Volkova. “Because you can’t understand how you, who are so good and have done nothing wrong to a person, are ignored.”

You can, of course, torment yourself and your loved ones with endless “why?” You can even arrange a confrontation and try to call the person who does not accept you to a frank conversation. But in this case, you risk at least putting both yourself and your opponent in an awkward position. At the most, provoke a conflict that both of you could easily do without. It’s best, of course, to leave a person the right to choose with whom and how to communicate.”

To be fair, it’s worth saying that simply cut off all contacts with unpleasant person not always real. It is unlikely that you will be able to openly tell your boss that you no longer want to see him and that all work issues are now sent via corporate mail. We'll have to find a way to adjust. Let’s say a citizen doesn’t do anything bad to you personally, but at the same time irritates you terribly. You're looking for a clue, but you don't see it - it just infuriates you, that's all.

“If you feel irritated in society a certain person without any apparent reason, it would be worth understanding yourself first,” hints Elena Kuzeeva. “Perhaps the unfortunate man has nothing to do with it at all.” You may find that he resembles another person from your past with whom you are connected. unpleasant emotions. Or you feel inferior in some area next to him. Perhaps you had some expectations about him, and they were not met. After identifying and understanding the causes of irritation, unpleasant emotions can completely disappear.”

If you understand perfectly well what exactly makes you angry, all you have to do is try to minimize the damage. Marianna Volkova advises treating every meeting with an unpleasant person like, for example, going to the dentist - not a joy, but necessary. “It helps a lot to realize that of the two of you nerve cells only you spend. And he doesn’t care if he annoys you.”

Everyone can be within themselves, think about their own things, but everyone must correctly show everyone around their intentions and respect. If you don't, people will simply turn away from you. In order for others to be drawn to you, you need to avoid mistakes, which will be discussed below.

Psychologists say that at least sometimes you need to mention the name of your interlocutor in conversations. It's not so much whether you use this advice or not, but how often others use it. If at least one person calls your name during a dialogue, addressing you, then he or she will have more weight than anyone else. There is one very important trick for those who want to make a person like him more when meeting someone - you need to say his name. For example, you say my name is Elena, and they answer you: “And I’m Artem.” You say: “Very nice, Artem.” This has a very powerful effect. The person will immediately remember you and, more importantly, he or she will remember that it is pleasant to communicate with you. If you have memory problems, society will still perceive it negatively, so write down names so you don't forget them.

Think about whether everyone around you will be interested in hearing about your problems with children, a new diet, a new fitness trainer, a broken carburetor in your car, or politics. Take a closer look at people's reactions. It can be very revealing, because most people may not be interested in your stories about personal life. People should want to ask you something if you tell something. If this does not happen, then no one is interested in your topics. Subsequently you will not be asked anything.

Another tip: don’t talk about politics and religion if you don’t want literally everyone to hate you. This is bad manners. Of course, this is not bad form for any society, but for most work groups it is terrible. If they don’t communicate with you after your monologues, then you are talking about the wrong topics.

Perhaps you are turning all the conversations on yourself. This is also incredibly annoying to everyone around. The man told interesting story, and instead of saying your opinion about it, you start: “But I have...”.

You should only talk about yourself if you are asked something directly. Perhaps you are the person who constantly turns the topic to your loved one. You cannot do this under any circumstances unless you want to become an outcast. On the contrary, take an interest in other people after their monologues, ask them questions. Show interest, then they will quickly love you.

Nobody likes hypocrites, even if there are other hypocrites in the team besides you. Even if you really want to discuss your colleague’s new provocative dress with a friend or your boss’s new car with a friend, it is better not to do this. If you cannot abstract yourself from negative statements, then it is better not to say anything. Of course, rumors and gossip may be spread about you that you are pretending to be a saint, but no one is immune from this. Just avoid it by not blaming others for their sins. good people it’s still a lot, so they definitely won’t communicate with you if you constantly discuss someone with them behind their back. People understand that you can therefore discuss them too.

People don't want to talk to people who try to say one phrase but use many. unnecessary words. Of course, this may not be fair to you, but unfortunately no one cares. There are few people who can understand others in this regard. Of course, this is not so big reason to avoid you and not talk to you. But this irritates many people.

There is no doubt, you most likely just don’t want to talk. This method of conducting a dialogue with someone who is not interesting to you can alienate other people. It is possible that you have high self-esteem, narcissism. This needs to be corrected, and as quickly as possible. People will not speak to someone who considers them to be inferior creatures. Here you will have to try to improve.

Your life is filled with problems that you share with everyone. You can be understood because you always want to get some kind of approval, support, advice, but people get tired of your troubles, which are more familiar to them than their own.

This problem can be called global, but light should be shed on the most important thing. You talk about one thing, but do something completely different. If your words contradict your actions, then you should take care of yourself. People avoid communicating with those who constantly lie or pretend.

When you come to a place, you need to say hello and introduce yourself to everyone who doesn’t know you. This will show that you are inclined to dialogue and are ready to conduct it with everyone. Simply saying hello to everyone at once will not be a gross mistake, because this is what most people do. It is for this same reason that it is worth doing everything differently, so as not to attribute yourself to this majority.

It is very important to introduce yourself not only yourself, but also to introduce your companions to people you know. It will be easier for your companion to engage in conversation, and the people around you will automatically look more positively at you as a person who knows how to behave in society. The rules of good manners were not invented just like that.

For these nine reasons, many people may stop communicating with you or may not want to communicate with you. If you recognize yourself at several points, then this is even worse, but there is no need to hang your nose. You can become better, more popular and win people over if you try a little. Overcome the fear of communication if you have it, because it’s too much secretive people also become outcasts, as well as those who are very talkative. Good luck and don't forget to press the buttons and

I don't want to communicate. There is no fear or shyness, I'm just not interested in 90% of people. I love my friends, but when I communicate with them more than once a week, I feel exhausted, on the verge of a breakdown. I overreact to other people's emotions. After meeting nervous people, I start to get sick mentally and physically.

I also constantly think that communication is a waste time. I could be alone and spend my precious hours better.If I refuse meetings, they take offense at me, consider me ungrateful and unreliable. To avoid scandals, I agree to communicate, and then I can’t sleep from nervous overexcitation, crying about wasted time again.I have been suffering from manic-depressive syndrome and chronic insomnia for 4 years now. In the morning, after a painful night, I feel that I no longer have the strength, I’m waiting for the night to finally get some sleep. In the evening they call me and are offended that I’m not going for a walk or that I’m going, but I’m not happy about it.How can I explain to people that I don’t need so much communication, that they don’t need to make me an extrovert?

Maria, 29 years old

Of course, you must follow your own characteristics and try not to overload yourself unnecessarily and beyond measure. You write that you have manic-depressive syndrome, I assume you are seeing a psychiatrist. If not, then try to seek such help, because your condition can be corrected and you can constantly look for a more optimal combination of drugs.

The letter sounds desperate, as if no one understands you and does not take into account your characteristics. First of all, try to do everything you can for yourself by seeing a doctor. You can calmly explain to the people in your closest circle how difficult it is for you to be in constant contact, and agree that no one will be offended by this. Friends should and can understand this. Of course, you will need to choose a very calm moment when you open up more and tell how difficult it is to be between two fires - between your condition, the consequences of fatigue and the demands of friendship. Few people will try to break you or force you if you tell everything sincerely, without blaming your friends.