Examples of managing feelings and emotions mail. How to manage your emotions and why it's so important to you

Managing Emotions is a necessary skill for every civilized person. Some, faced with the destructive effect of emotions in conflicts, consider them evil, strive to suppress, tightly control them, and even get rid of emotionality altogether. Have they achieved success? No, this path can only lead to neurosis, making emotional reactions inadequate to the real situation. It would be correct to accept emotional reactions as an integral mental phenomenon, without painting them in negative tones as something inherently bad or harmful.

The importance of the ability to manage emotions is explained by the fact that they are easy to stimulate, emotions have an impact on many processes, both in the personal and interpersonal reality of everyone, they are easily included and activate our behavior patterns. Emotion management is sometimes mistakenly understood as suppression, but this method of processing emotional reactions when abused is not only ineffective, but also extremely harmful.

Managing emotions involves the ability to engage them and give them direction—for example, to inspire oneself and others to take action. And today the question before us is no longer “how to get rid of emotions,” but “how to let go of your emotions.” We have learned to suppress ourselves and have lost the ability of natural self-expression, roughly cutting off reactions instead of competently transforming them, directing them, like a river in a different direction, sublimating them. Suppressed reactions are a common cause not only mental problems a person, and also many diseases that are psychosomatically closely related to experiences.

Managing Emotions - Psychology

Absolutely all people need the skill of managing. Emotional reactions are necessary for us to adapt to the world around us, and when we know how to manage our emotions, better things happen, we become happier and more successful. The system of emotional reactions is a complex mechanism, and like any complex mechanism, malfunctions can occur. and unconscious attitudes interfere with the emotional reality and give rise to those around them.

Emotions carry information; the life of any group is filled with them, and this is the ability to understand this information. And yes, emotions can be ignored, but they will not disappear because of this, therefore it is important to learn how to manage them wisely. Various emotional reactions enable us to experience the fullness of life. Remember a busy day in which you had the opportunity to experience the whole gamut of experiences. Surely on this day you were active, had a strong feeling, and participated in many events. And on the contrary, an unemotional day in front of the TV, when you switched channels in boredom and nothing resonated in your soul - made life gray and meaningless, by the evening it came, you didn’t want to do anything.

The more emotions, the brighter life is, and therefore people are constantly in search of positive experiences, trying to saturate their lives with them: through communication, films, music, trips, sometimes even extreme actions, and in extreme cases and through alcohol or drugs. Emotions also allow you to react not at the moment of incidents, but long before them, and react more complexly. Suppose we violated traffic rules and a traffic police officer took away our license. A month later they were returned, but now every time we go out on the road we are afraid of the traffic police. Sometimes such caution is appropriate, sometimes not - and then the system of emotions needs to be adjusted. Everyone has a personal set of conditions that provides and maintains an appropriate lifestyle, becomes an indispensable assistant in moving towards success, or, on the contrary, regularly leads to defeat.

To control emotional reactions, you need to be open to your emotions and the states of other people, and be ready to accept them. And also be able to influence yourself and others in order to tap into emotional potential. When a person has an emotion, the muscles begin to work. For example, when expecting something important or scary, he literally cannot sit still, walks, constantly touches and twirls something in his hands. Also, emotions are chemically supported by the release of hormones, and the stronger this release, the more powerful the emotion, and the more difficult it becomes to control. However, emotions, even negative ones, are always energy, which, when directed in the right direction, helps to achieve high results.

How to manage feelings and emotions?

Each person is able to withstand only a certain level of emotional stress. When the load is exceeded, almost anyone begins to behave inappropriately, which manifests itself in others and others. And prolonged exposure to emotional stress leads to psychosomatic disorders.

Stanislavski, when training young actors, used an interesting technique to illustrate the influence of emotional stress on a person’s psychological state. He offered to lift the piano to several young people, which was not difficult. However, they had to continue to hold it; after 5 minutes their condition changed. And Stanislavsky asked them, holding the piano, to begin a story about their dream. Needless to say, this story was extremely dry and lacking in substance. And then he suggested lowering the piano, and the actor would open up. Many people keep the same emotional “grand pianos” within themselves, and often even several. Which does not give them a chance to live life to the fullest.

Everyone wants to be happy, and this pushes them to take action, to find ways to enjoy life. A person comes to understand that his happiness depends on his emotional reactions and the ability to change them. Even when faced with negative aspects Having mastered control over emotions, everyone can transform their reactions, and as a result, their actions. During this time, a person cannot achieve what he wants, so improving his personal psycho-emotional state and increasing his energy tone help him achieve success. Even if it is not possible to change emotions, a person can learn to get out of this state, while controlling himself.

In a team, it is especially valuable to understand the emotions and feelings of friends and colleagues. Any group in society, even a family, periodically enters a state caused by various emotional states, motivations, and opposing interests of its members. And managing emotions in a conflict gives a chance not only to resolve the dispute that has broken out, but also to eliminate the conflict in its very bud.

How to manage emotions and feelings? Emotional reactions are well managed by those who know emotion management techniques and also have high level, which is today recognized as an important component of success and effectiveness along with mental. To increase this type of intelligence, you need to learn to understand your own emotions, distinguish between them, track their signals in the body, accept them and be able to analyze how reactions affect behavior, be aware of behavioral strategies and choose the appropriate situation. In contact with people, a high EQ is manifested in the fact that its owner can be open to them without being open to them, be accommodating and be able to distinguish well the feelings of others by external manifestations: body movements, chosen poses, facial expressions, intonations. An emotionally literate person questions the effectiveness of his influence and his ability to openly express his own emotions, and constantly trains in these skills.

If you want to learn how to manage emotions, or have wondered about the level of your emotional literacy, take the measurement technique emotional intelligence. Based on its results, you will be able to assess what you need to work on and plan further development each of the components of emotional literacy: self-management, social awareness and relationship management.

Also, to be able to manage emotions, you first need to reduce the level of stress, which takes energy, and with prolonged exposure, depletes nervous system, making changes impossible - there is not enough strength for them. Identify the source of stress and try to cope with it yourself or with the help of a specialist. Simple worldly advice Treating what is happening more simply helps to maintain optimism, which contributes to the mental well-being and disposition of other people.

Ways to manage emotions

Ways to manage emotions are revealed in different approaches to psychotherapy: humanistic, and others. Moreover, cognitive behavioral psychotherapy is considered the most effective in the short term, which is confirmed by the preference given to it by government agencies and insurance companies.

Pavlov derived and is now actively using the formula for emotional response: S → K → R = C, where S is the activating situation, K is the cognitive assessment of the situation, R is the reaction, C is the consequences of the situation. For example, you bought an expensive plane ticket, but were late for it (S) and blame it on the slowness of the taxi driver (K), and therefore feel angry and frustrated (R), as a result, you swear not to take a taxi anymore or are automatically aggressive react to all subsequent trips (C). But what if you find out that the plane crashed? In this case, you will think that it is wonderful that the driver was late (K), and the subsequent emotional reaction (R) will be different, and in connection with it, the consequences of the situation (C). It follows from this that in order to change emotions, you need to control precisely your cognitive assessment of what is happening, that thought that comes with lightning speed before the emotion and is not even always realized, is not revised, but triggers an emotional reaction. Indeed, as in the proverb: “A thought that arrives like a dove rules the world.”

Our deepest beliefs are accompanied by habitual ways of responding - behavioral strategies, and they are the sources of such automatic cognitions - our instant and often unconscious interpretations of what is happening. To change an emotion, you need to analyze the situation and re-interpret it, which will entail a different emotion and, accordingly, a different outcome. For example, you are driving and you get cut off. If you give in to the most common thought in situations on the road, that the other driver is extremely stupid and rude, then the appropriate reaction will be aggression. But the cognitive-behavioral approach suggests not following automatisms, but independently finding an alternative interpretation of the situation so as not to lose your temper: think that that driver may be driving for the first time after training, he had an accident, he is in a hurry to the hospital. Then you are more likely to experience empathy or at least solidarity with him.

In almost all psychological approaches Great attention is paid to control over thoughts and attitudes. To increase your awareness, take a break and think about what caused the unwanted reaction. To do this, fully understand and accept Current state, then try to give an adequate assessment of your reactions, mentally return to the previous state and find a resource reaction, enter the selected state and mentally bring it into the current one. By performing this technique, for example, you will be able to move from the emotion of uncontrollable anger into a calm meta-state, in which you will be able to use the energy of anger for the purpose you choose.

Techniques for increasing awareness are followed in popularity by techniques for managing emotions through the body, since bodily states are closely related to emotions and consciousness.

This approach through the body to begin managing emotions suggests the following exercises: deep breathing, muscle relaxation. Another exercise for managing emotions can be through the imagination or on an external level: imagine the desired picture, draw the emotion on paper and burn it.

Almost every person on Earth dreams of learning how to influence the emotions of other people and find the most different approaches in communication. However, before you achieve this, you need to learn to manage your own emotions, since it is this skill that will allow you to influence other people. Know yourself first and only then start studying other people.

A person experiences emotions every second of his existence, so those who know how to manage them achieve a lot. They can be roughly divided into three types: beneficial, neutral, destructive.

We will look at beneficial and neutral emotions in further lessons, but in this one we will focus entirely on destructive ones, because they are the ones you need to learn to manage in the first place.

Why are destructive emotions defined this way? Here is just a small list of how negative emotions can affect your life:

• They undermine your health: heart disease, diabetes, stomach ulcers and even tooth decay. As technology develops, scientists and doctors are adding to this list. There is a possibility that negative emotions become one of the causes of an overwhelming number of diseases or, at least, prevent a speedy recovery.
• They undermine your psychological health: depression, chronic stress, self-doubt.
• They affect your communication with other people: those around you, loved ones and employees suffer from negative behavior. Moreover, ironically, it’s the people closest to us that we lash out most often.
• They hinder success: destructive emotions completely atrophy our ability to think. And while anger may subside within a few hours, anxiety and depression prevent you from thinking clearly for weeks or months.
• They narrow the focus: in a depressed or affective state, a person is unable to see the big picture and cannot make the right decisions because he is too limited in the number of options.

There is a popular point of view: negative emotions do not need to be suppressed. This is a very controversial question and a complete answer to it has not yet been found. Some say that holding back such emotions leads to them penetrating the subconscious and having a sad effect on the body. Other people argue that the inability to restrain them weakens the nervous system. If we imagine our emotions in the image of a pendulum, then in this way we swing it more strongly.

In this regard, in our course we will approach this issue extremely carefully and will mostly talk about how to prevent the onset of a destructive emotion. This approach is in many ways more effective and will allow you to prevent negative conditions from entering your life.

Before getting to know the most destructive emotions, you cannot ignore the so-called reactionary thoughts.

Reactionary thoughts

Most of the emotions that we experience appear as a result of the appearance of some stimulus. It could be certain person, situation, image, behavior of other people, own psychological state. All this can be an irritant for you, that is, something that invades your personal comfort and makes you feel uncomfortable. To get rid of this condition, we react (usually in a negative way) to it in the hope that it will go away. However, this strategy almost never works.

The fact is that any irritation swings the pendulum of your emotions and the emotions of another person. Your irritated response leads to irritation of the interlocutor, which in turn forces him to “raise the stakes.” In this situation, someone must show wisdom and extinguish passions, otherwise everything will get out of control.

By the way, we will return to the image of a pendulum more than once in our lessons, because this is an excellent metaphor for indicating that emotions have the ability to increase their intensity.

When we experience the action of a stimulus, reactionary thoughts flash through our heads, whether we are aware of them or not. It is these thoughts that prompt us to escalate the conflict and lose our temper. To train yourself not to react instinctively, learn one simple rule: between the action of a stimulus and the reaction to it, there is a small gap, during which you can tune in to the correct perception of the situation. Practice this exercise every day. Whenever you feel triggered by a word or situation, remember that you can choose how to respond to it. This requires discipline, self-control and awareness. If you train yourself not to give in to reactionary thoughts (usually generalizations or feelings of resentment), you will notice the benefits this brings.

The most destructive emotions

There are emotions that cause irreparable harm to a person’s health and reputation; they can destroy everything that he has built over the years and make his life a living hell.

Let us immediately agree with you that sometimes a character trait can be an emotion, so we will also consider these cases. For example, conflict is a character trait, but it is also a special emotional condition, in which a person experiences a craving for high-intensity emotions. It is a dependence on the collision of two emotional worlds.

Or, for example, the desire to criticize others. This is also a character trait, but from a purely emotional point of view, it is the desire to raise one’s self-esteem by pointing out the mistakes of others, which indicates the need to change the negative valence of one’s emotions to a positive one. Therefore, if you want, call this list “The Most Destructive Emotions, Feelings and Conditions.”

Anger and rage

Anger is a negatively colored affect directed against experienced injustice and accompanied by a desire to eliminate it.

Rage is an extreme form of anger in which a person’s adrenaline levels increase, accompanied by a desire to cause physical pain to the offender.

Despite the fact that anger and rage have differences in intensity and duration of manifestation, we will consider these emotions as one. The complete chain looks like this:

Prolonged, aching irritation - anger - anger - rage.

Why is there no hatred in this chain, which contributes to the emergence of rage? The fact is that it is already included in anger and rage, along with antipathy, disgust, and a sense of injustice, so we use it in combination.

A person cannot instantly experience anger or rage; he must bring himself to this. First, irritants of varying intensity appear and the person becomes irritated and nervous. After some time, anger arises. A prolonged state of anger causes anger, which in turn can result in the manifestation of rage.

In evolutionary theory, the source of anger is the fight-or-flight response, so the trigger for anger is a feeling of danger, even an imaginary one. An angry person may consider not only a physical threat dangerous, but even a blow to self-esteem or self-esteem.

Anger and rage are the hardest to control. It is also one of the most seductive emotions: a person engages in self-justifying self-talk and fills his mind with convincing reasons to vent his anger. There is a school of thought that anger should not be controlled because it is uncontrollable. The opposing view is that anger is completely preventable. How to do this?

One of the most powerful ways to do this is to destroy the beliefs that feed it. The longer we think about what outrages us, the more “sufficient reasons” we can come up with. Reflections in this case (no matter how over-emotional they may be) only add fuel to the fire. To extinguish the flames of anger, you should once again describe the situation to yourself from a positive point of view.

The next way to curb anger is to grasp those destructive thoughts and doubt their correctness, since it is the initial assessment of the situation that supports the first outburst of anger. This reaction can be stopped if calming information is provided before the person acts out of anger.

Some psychologists advise letting off steam and not holding back anger, experiencing the so-called catharsis. However, practice shows that such a strategy does not lead to anything good and anger flares up again and again with enviable regularity, causing irreparable harm to a person’s health and reputation.

To cool down passions in a physiological sense, the adrenaline rush is waited out in an environment where additional mechanisms for inciting anger most likely will not appear. A walk or entertainment can help with this, if possible. This method will stop the increase in hostility, since it is physically impossible to be angry and angry when you are having a good time. The trick is to cool the anger to the point where the person is capable have fun.

A very effective way to get rid of anger is to exercise. After severe physical stress, the body returns to a low activation level. Various methods have an excellent effect: meditation, muscle relaxation, deep breathing. They also change the physiology of the body, transferring it into a state of reduced arousal.

At the same time, it is important to be aware, to notice in time the growing irritation and destructive thoughts. Write them down on a piece of paper and analyze them. One of two things is possible: either you will find a positive solution, or you will at least stop scrolling through the same thoughts in a circle. Evaluate your thoughts from a position of logic and common sense.

Remember that no method will work if you cannot interrupt the flow of annoying thoughts. Literally tell yourself not to think about it and shift your attention. It is you who direct your attention, which is a sign conscious person able to control his psyche.

Anxiety

There are two types of anxiety:

• Inflating them is a molehill. A person clings to one thought and develops it to a universal scale.
• Repeating the same thought in a circle. In this case, the person does not take any action to solve the problem and instead repeats the thought over and over again.

A problem does not exist if you carefully think about the problem from all sides, generate several possible solutions, and then choose the best one. From an emotional point of view, this is called preoccupation. However, when you find yourself returning to a thought over and over again, it does not bring you any closer to solving the problem. You become anxious and do nothing to get out of this state and remove the worries.

The nature of anxiety is amazing: it seems to appear out of nowhere, creates constant noise in the head, cannot be controlled and torments a person. long time. Such chronic anxiety cannot last forever, so it mutates and takes other forms - anxiety attacks, stress, neuroses, and panic attacks. There are so many obsessive thoughts in your head that it leads to insomnia.

Anxiety by its nature directs a person's thoughts to the past (mistakes and failures) and the future (uncertainty and catastrophic pictures). At the same time, the person shows Creative skills only to create terrifying pictures, and not to search for solutions to possible problems.

The best way to combat anxiety is to stay calm. the current moment. It is worth returning to the past constructively, finding out the causes of mistakes and realizing how to avoid them in the future. You should only think about the future at moments when you consciously set aside time for it: clarify goals and priorities, outline a plan and course of action. You need to live only one day in the most effective way and not think about anything else.

By practicing meditation and becoming more mindful, you will learn to catch the first signs of obsessive thoughts and eradicate them. You will also be able to notice what images, objects and sensations trigger anxiety. The sooner you notice anxiety, the easier it will be to stop it. You need to fight back your thoughts decisively, and not sluggishly, as most people do.

Ask yourself a few questions:

• What is the likelihood that the event you fear will actually happen?
• Is there only one scenario?
• Is there an alternative?
• Is there an opportunity to take constructive steps?
• Is there any point in chewing on the same thoughts over and over again?

These are good questions that will allow you to think about what is happening in this moment and pay conscious attention to your thoughts.

Relax as much and as often as possible. It is impossible to worry and relax at the same time; either one or the other wins. Study and after some time you will be surprised to notice that for several days now you have not felt anxious thoughts.

The great psychologist Dale Carnegie in his book “” provides many techniques that allow you to cope with this unpleasant habit. We give you the top ten and recommend reading this book in its entirety:

1. Sometimes anxiety is not born out of the blue, but has a logical basis. If trouble has happened (or may happen) to you, use a three-step structure:

• Ask yourself: “What is the worst thing that could happen to me?”
• Accept the worst.
• Calmly think about how you can improve the situation. In this case, things can’t get any worse, which means psychologically you gain the opportunity to get more than you originally expected.

1. Remember that people who don't manage anxiety die young. Anxiety deals a severe blow to the body and can lead to psychosomatic diseases.
2. Practice occupational therapy. The most dangerous time for a person is the hours after work, when, it would seem, it’s time to relax and start enjoying life. Keep yourself busy, find a hobby, clean the house, repair the shed.
3. Remember the Law of Large Numbers. What is the likelihood that the event you are worried about will happen? According to the Law of Large Numbers, this probability is negligible.
4. Show interest in other people. When a person is genuinely interested in others, he stops concentrating on his own thoughts. Try to do a selfless act every day.
5. Don't expect gratitude. Do what you have to do and what your heart tells you to do and don’t expect your efforts to be rewarded. This will save you from the masses unpleasant emotions and complaining about other people.
6. If you get a lemon, make lemonade out of it. Carnegie quotes William Bulito: “The most important thing in life is not to make the most of your successes. Every fool is capable of this. What's really important is the ability to take advantage of losses. It requires intelligence; this is the difference between a smart person and a fool.”
7. Don't let the little things overwhelm you. Many people go through great adversity with their heads held high, and then drive themselves crazy over the smallest things.
8. Rest during the day. Get some sleep if possible. If not, just sit or lie down with eyes closed. Fatigue gradually and unnoticed accumulates throughout the day and, if not relieved, can lead to nervous breakdown.
9. Don't cut sawdust. The past is in the past and there is nothing you can do about it. You can fix the situation in the present or future, but there is no point in worrying about what has already happened.

Feelings of resentment and self-pity

These two emotions lead to, which leads to many destructive consequences. A person stops developing because other people are to blame for his troubles and feels worthless, feeling sorry for himself.

Touchiness is an indicator that a person has too many pain points that other people put pressure on. The difficulty is to admit this problem can be quite difficult, especially if touchiness has reached a chronic stage.

The feeling of resentment arises:

• when a person we know behaved completely differently than we expected. It is often an unintentional action or behavior that we think is intentional;
• when a person we know deliberately insults us through name-calling or humiliation (usually in public);
• when a stranger insults us

As it were, we are offended only when we think we have been offended. In other words, everything depends entirely on our perception. There are people who are not offended when they are even insulted in public. What are the benefits of this mindset?

• They do not allow their emotions to get out of control and lose face.
• The offender is so surprised that there was no response to his insult that he remains frustrated and confused.
• The audience's focus instantly shifts from him to the person who tried to offend him.
• The audience, instead of gloating or feeling sorry for the “offended” person, finally takes his side, because all people subconsciously respect those who do not lose face in a stressful situation.

In short, when you do not react to words that were thrown in order to offend, you gain a huge advantage. This evokes respect not only among the audience, but even from the offender. This approach is proactive, keeps you healthy and allows you to control your emotions.

We have considered the situation of insult in public, then what should we do in the case when a loved one did not behave as we expected? The following thoughts will help you:

• “Perhaps he did not want to behave this way or did not suspect that he could hurt me with his actions or words.”
• “He understands that he let me down, but his pride does not allow him to admit his mistake. I’ll act wiser and let him save his face. In time he will apologize."
• “I expect too much from him. If he did this, it means I did not explain to him competently enough that my feelings could be hurt by such behavior.”

It is also worth separating specific situation with resentment and chronic resentment. In the second case, everything is much more complicated, but with proper work on yourself, you can get rid of it.

The first step in overcoming resentment is recognizing the problem. And in fact, if you understand that your touchiness primarily harms only you, this will be a good starting point in solving the problem.

The second step: think about why the person wants to offend you. Note that he didn’t offend, but wanted to offend. This key difference in thinking will allow you to focus your perceptions on the other person's motives rather than dwelling on your inner feelings.

Remember that you can only be offended when you yourself think that you have been offended. This does not mean being indifferent to a person or situation. This means analyzing the situation with a cool head and finding out why the person behaved the way he did. And if you come to the conclusion that you no longer want a person in your life, that is your right. But until this moment, try to find out what exactly influenced his behavior and words. Curiosity in this situation is the strongest way to distract yourself.

Painful timidity

Many people love timid people, considering them modest, reserved and balanced. In literature we can also find laudatory odes dedicated to such personalities. But is it really that simple?

Shyness (timidity, shyness) is a mental state, the main features of which are fearfulness, indecision, stiffness, tension and awkwardness in society due to a lack of social skills or self-doubt. In this regard, we can conclude that such people are quite comfortable for any company, because all other people look confident in comparison with them. That's why they are loved: they give a sense of importance to everyone around them.

How can you eradicate shyness? The answer most likely lies in self-confidence. If you are confident in your abilities, then your movements are precise, your words are clear, and your thoughts are clear. There is something called the “confidence/competence loop.” You become competent in a certain activity, notice that you can cope with the task, and thereby increase your self-confidence. And as your self-confidence increases, you increase your competence.

One of the companions of timidity is fear of the near future. Therefore, the best way to overcome shyness is to get out of your comfort zone. If you do something you are afraid of several dozen times a day, then after just a week (or even almost immediately) you begin to feel self-confidence and an incredible surge of strength. Fear goes away in the light of knowledge. It turns out that no one ate you when you expressed an unpopular opinion and you are still alive, asking for help.

Inactivity turns into activity. You probably know that inertia also works in psychology, so as soon as you begin to overcome the psychological and physical threshold, your fear will begin to go away. The chain of “thought - intention - planning - action” after some time becomes almost automatic and you don’t even think about fear or possible defeat. Since refusals and defeats will certainly await you, you need to accustom yourself to this. Think in advance about how you will act in the event of failure, so as not to be discouraged. After some time, you will act impromptu, but in the first stages it is better to prepare yourself psychologically.

Pride/arrogance

We have combined these two opposing emotions for one reason: in most cases, people who experience pride believe that it is pride. Pride is crooked pride.

Why does a person experience this emotion? It's about about not wanting to hurt your own self-esteem. A proud person will not apologize, even if he subconsciously understands that he is to blame.

While pride is a manifestation of a person’s inner dignity and the ability to protect what is dear to him, pride is a manifestation of disrespect for others, unfair self-aggrandizement, selfishness. A person filled with pride will simultaneously experience the following emotions and feelings: resentment, anger, disrespect, sarcasm, arrogance and rejection. All this is accompanied by inflated self-esteem and a reluctance to admit one’s own mistakes.

Pride is formed under the influence of improper upbringing. Parents raise a child in such a way that they praise him even though he has done nothing good. When a child grows up, he finds himself in society and begins to attribute to himself all the merits to which he has nothing to do. If he becomes a leader, he criticizes his team for failures and accepts successes as his own.

Pride gives rise to:

• Greed
• Vanity
• Appropriation of someone else's
• Touchiness
• Egocentrism
• Reluctance to develop (after all, you are already the best)

How to get rid of pride? The difficulty is that its owner will not admit the existence of a problem until the last moment. In this regard, it is easier to admit the presence of timidity, irritability, anxiety and other traits that interfere with a person’s life. While a person filled with pride will deny the presence of this quality.

Recognize that sometimes this happens to you too. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses, appreciate the former and get rid of the latter. Respect yourself and other people, celebrate their successes and learn to praise. Learn to be grateful.

The best way to get rid of pride is to develop assertiveness, empathy and listening skills. We will look at all three of these skills in the next lesson.

Envy

Envy arises in relation to a person who possesses something that the envier wants to have, but does not possess. The main difficulty in getting rid of envy is that the envier finds excuses for himself when he experiences this feeling. He is absolutely sure that the object of his envy achieved fame, success or material wealth through dishonest means or simply did not deserve it.

Perhaps it does not matter exactly how a person achieved some good, since the envier does not need a reason. He will treat equally badly both the one who received the benefit dishonestly and the one who actually deserved it. Envy is an indicator of a person’s baseness; it corrodes his body and poisons his soul.

When a person experiences envy, he does not think about how to achieve the same success, because at its core, his thinking is destructive and passive. This desire is not to set a goal and achieve it, but simply to take away the benefit from another person. Perhaps it is this quality that is the most difficult to get rid of, because the person experiencing this feeling is choking on anger and hatred. He spends colossal energy on constantly monitoring other people's successes and successes.

What about white envy? With pure psychological point the view of “white envy” does not exist. Rather, it is simply the ability to rejoice in other people’s successes and the desire to achieve similar heights, which is the behavior of an adequate person. It's admiring other people's achievements and becoming better.

To overcome envy, or at least start to fight it, you first need to recognize that there is a problem. Then answer a few questions:

• “What does it matter what and how exactly this person achieved if I still need to work and study in order to achieve my goals?”
• “Does this person’s success negatively impact my future successes?”
• “Yes, this man is lucky. Many people in the world are lucky, this is normal. Moreover, those who do not cultivate a feeling of envy in their souls are lucky. Maybe I should be happy for him?”
• “Do I want my envy to spoil my appearance and lead to stomach ulcers?”
• “Aren’t great successes achieved by people who sincerely rejoice in the successes of others and wish everyone well? Doesn't it exist large quantity who loved people and only thanks to this they reached such heights?

Conflict and tendency to criticize

It's amazing what irrational creatures people are. We see from our personal example that the desire to constantly enter into conflicts and criticize others does not bring any benefits, and yet we behave this way again and again.

Conflicts are destructive because the person who enters into them consciously and subconsciously considers himself better than others. Will he argue and conflict with someone whose opinion he considers at least equal to his? This manner of behavior in the head of this person is justified by the fact that he does not want to be a hypocrite, please and utter sugary words. He believes that telling the truth (his truth) is much more honest behavior than wagging or remaining silent.

Let's look at the problem from the angle of self-development. Is telling the truth and not choosing words a sign of a developed and intelligent person? Does it really take a lot of intelligence to say what you think about anything? Of course, hypocrisy and flattery are also bad, but this is the other extreme.

Almost any extreme in emotions is destructive. When you lie and flatter, they don’t like you when you enter into conflict on any occasion and don’t know how to keep your mouth shut (or pick up wrong words), they won’t want to do business with you either. Find balance because flexible people succeed in this world.

Criticism doesn't work either, at least not in the long run. Carnegie rightly argued that criticism hurts a person’s self-esteem and puts him on the defensive. When criticizing, we seem to pull a person out of his comfort zone and demonstrate his shortcomings.

Suppress reactionary thoughts and the desire to react to a stimulus. Again, at least start from the assumption that everyone can criticize and it doesn’t take a lot of intelligence. Learn the art of indirect criticism and get rid of the blaming tone. This requires self-control, wisdom, observation and... Such criticism gives a person feedback, motivates and gives new strength.

In this lesson we learned what reactionary thoughts are and how they play a role in managing emotions. We also looked at the seven most destructive emotions, found out why they are considered such, and found ways to combat them.

In the next lesson, we will learn the three main skills for increasing emotional intelligence - assertiveness, empathy and listening.

Test your knowledge

If you want to test your knowledge on a topic this lesson, you can take a short test consisting of several questions. For each question, only 1 option can be correct. After you select one of the options, the system automatically proceeds to next question. The points you receive are affected by the correctness of your answers and the time spent on completion. Please note that the questions are different each time and the options are mixed.

How to learn to manage your emotions? It often happens that we do not need the emotions that arise at the moment or that we need completely different ones. We try with all our might to switch to something else, breathe deeply, and analyze our state. This is correct, but ineffective, especially in emergency situations. Therefore, you need to develop emotion management in yourself. For this purpose, special exercises have been created, used in trainings and described in books on psychology.

And the emotional state is visible to everyone, since it is expressed by the body. When you are sad, your shoulders are hunched, your head is down, and your breathing is slow and heavy. But remember what gestures and facial expressions are like when you are happy: shoulders are straightened, chin is raised, chest forward, breathing is even, and there is a smile on your face. Repeat these actions, and then your state of mind will change. All processes of the body, physical and mental, are interconnected. Practice at home in front of the mirror and feel this effect.

B It happens that one thought is spinning in your head like a broken record. It interferes with your life, spoils your mood and drives you into a corner morally. It could be someone's harsh words or an imaginary conversation with someone you're afraid to talk to. In this case, try to make the voices seem childish and squeaky so that they are not taken so seriously. Parody them in front of the mirror to make it funny. Another way to get rid of inner voices is to turn on music, but not in reality, but mentally.

In Look at the world through the eyes of a comedian: describe a situation that brought you out of emotional balance like some kind of joke. Even better, write it down on paper or tell it to a loved one. At first it may seem that this method will not help, but rest assured, you can find the bright side in any situation!

D If you feel that on a psychological level you cannot complete some task (it seems too boring or difficult), then turn on your imagination. Imagine that this is not a heavy burden, but a most exciting activity that will bear fruit. Or give yourself a reward for doing this work.

All exercises are simple but effective. They are a kind of support for managing emotions, because they have one principle - internal switching from one state to another. Imagine that the brain is like a computer, the processes of which are under your control. Over time, it will become easier to cope with feelings.

Books on developing the skill of managing emotions

• E.P. Ilyin “Emotions and feelings.” Before getting acquainted with managing emotions, first find out what emotions are, what they are, where they come from and how they are expressed at the level of psychology and physiology. This book will tell you about this.
• Paul Ekman “The Psychology of Emotions. I know what you feel". The book will teach you to recognize emotions in yourself and other people, evaluate and correct them in the early stages of manifestation. It is based on the thoughts, personal experiences and research of the author.
• Ruslan Zhukovets “How to tame emotions. Self-control techniques from a professional psychologist.” This book is more serious, because it talks about what processes occur in the body during the experience of emotions: why and how negative emotions spoil our health. In addition, it will show how to get rid of excessive emotionality.
• Nina Rubshtein “Emotion management training.” It contains exercises to control emotions and a lot of useful information about their occurrence. The book exists only in electronic form.
• Sandra Ingerman "Liberation from unpleasant thoughts and emotions." The book has a lot positive feedback, because it describes specific techniques for controlling emotions. As the author emphasizes, what is written will be useful to those who are interested in psychology and spiritual development, and also want to be healthy and happy.

Those who want to be less emotional should turn to printed sources, video resources and presentations. These could be paid trainings, seminars, or free videos on YouTube. To improve the effect, it is worth attending such events live, because there is an opportunity to discuss an exciting problem with other training participants and ask questions to the presenter.

How to keep emotions under control when speaking in public: literature, advice, trainings

Managing emotions is much easier when everything happens at the everyday level. But when you conduct training in front of dozens of people, managing emotions comes to naught. Before a performance, inexperienced speakers develop a fear of failure, which manifests itself unpredictably on stage. Therefore, learn to control yourself and apply the acquired knowledge in practice.

Literature on managing emotions:

• Radislav Gandapas "Kama Sutra for the speaker." This is a reference book for those who want to be or are already a professional speaker. It is small in volume, but contains a lot of useful information about the process of preparing for a performance and overcoming fear and anxiety. Be sure to read the author's other books and attend or watch online trainings. There is a large selection, so they are useful for speakers and those who want to be a leader and entrepreneur.
• George Kohlrieser "Rescuing the Hostage. How to manage emotions, influence people and resolve conflicts. Practical advice from an experienced negotiator." This book was created for those who do not want to be hostage to their own thoughts and other people; who wants to understand personal psychology, as well as learn how to control themselves during negotiations and presentations.
• Dale Carnegie: How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public. Classic book on psychology public speaking. She will teach you to be confident on stage, but less emotional. Recommendations from here are used in public speaking training.

1 Don't be afraid to make mistakes. This fear prevents novice speakers from going on stage. Remember that professional training facilitators also made mistakes, but this did not in the least prevent them from achieving success. Give an answer to the question: “What happens if I make a mistake?” Most likely nothing.

2 Don't dwell on failure. If you think about a bad development of events, it will happen. Therefore, present the performance only in the best possible way. After all, if you constantly replay in your head how you stutter and your listeners laugh, your performance will decrease. This means that the preparation process will be a difficult test for you, as will the performance itself.

3 Don't use stimulants. Coffee, alcohol and sedatives will not help you calm down. On the contrary, you will become inhibited. Get better sleep before the event.

4 Think about your appearance. Be sure to put yourself in order: do your hair, put on makeup appropriately (if you are a girl), wear clothes appropriate for the occasion. Clothing should be fashionable, comfortable and not shocking. Consider the reaction of the general public, because clothing that is “normal” for you may cause confusion among others. Girls don't need to go wrong with jewelry. It is better to choose an accessory that suits the occasion in advance, rather than wearing everything. Such simple preparations will increase self-confidence.

5 Forget about the past. If you have experience unsuccessful performance, you shouldn’t think that every training will go the same way. Learn from your mistakes, improve and move on. With experience, such problems will become less common. .

Be emotional person not bad if you are experiencing positive emotions. But if you feel anger, fear, despondency and cannot get rid of them, change. Negative emotions harm the soul and physical health. Try it, it’s easier to do than it seems at first glance. Do the exercises, read useful books, attend trainings, and you will definitely succeed!

This amazing source will give you the greatest energy for a quick breakthrough to success and self-realization when you learn to manage it using this method...

Emotion is reaction systems on their assessment of the importance of influence for self-realization. If the influence is harmful and interferes with the achievement of the goal, then negative emotions. And if it is useful and allows or helps to achieve a goal, then positive emotions appear.

They can be called signals, notifying the system about a change in state in the past (memory), present (current situation) or future (imaginary situation). They motivate the system to act to maintain its integrity, development, success, harmony and self-realization.

Emotions, as basic motives, provide an initial impulse, a push that brings the system out of the state peace(calm). They inspire, motivate, give energy to perform actions and change their condition. They help make decisions, overcome obstacles and act until the goal is achieved.

Depending on the content of the emotion, the system receives different quantities energy, impulses of different strength. Usually, positive emotions give more energy and last longer than negative ones (joy, happiness, enthusiasm...). And negative emotions can completely deprive you of energy, immobilize, paralyze (fear, confusion...), which can worsen the condition, especially in the presence of danger.

Emotions can become values, which the system will strive to consciously experience (become happier, have fun, admire...). Then they will begin to influence decisions, goals, actions and relationships. But each system has its own values, and an emotion that is valuable for one system may be completely indifferent for another.

For example, if happiness is a value for a person, then he can do anything in order to experience it. But another person may be indifferent to happiness, and do everything possible to feel, for example, surprise...

Emotions allow us to determine right decisions made regarding the values, purpose and talent of the system, which affects its self-realization. Negative emotions signal danger, deterioration and deviation from the path of self-realization. Positive emotions signal an improvement in one’s condition, approaching or achieving a goal, and correct movement along the path of self-realization. Therefore, it is important to be aware of your emotions, process them, and consciously regulate your activities when negative emotions arise or for positive ones to arise.

Many things depend on the definition and expression of emotions. quality systems: charisma, authority, persuasiveness, openness... They most influence interaction, relationships and team building.

Only by consciously and actively using emotions can you become an influential leader. His value, authority and credibility are highly dependent on the emotions he evokes in the entire team. Similarly for a company - the more vivid, positive emotions it evokes in the team and clients, the more valuable it becomes.

Concentrating emotions on relationships and motivation of partners, you can receive more resources from them and achieve more complex goals. Leaders who are sensitive to their own emotions and those of their team members create a more effective and creative work environment, which allows them to achieve greater success. Studies have shown that businessmen who are more emotional and attentive to the emotions of others earn more money.

It has been proven that in many cases emotions in to a greater extent determine thinking, activities and achievements than intellectual abilities. Decisions can be made not on the basis of logical reasoning, rationality, justification and evidence, but on the basis of the emotions that the expected outcome of this decision evokes.

For example, a person choosing a new car may buy it not for its characteristics, reliability, safety, price/quality ratio..., but for its color, comfortable seat, beautiful interior lighting... which evoke positive emotions in him.

Emotions are closely related to way of thinking and imagination. If in a situation you pay attention to its harmful consequences, then negative emotions will arise, and vice versa. And if you imagine good situation, leading to an improvement in the condition, then positive emotions will arise, and vice versa. Therefore, it is easier for a person who has good control of his intellect, thinking and imagination to control his emotions, stimulating some emotions in certain situations and suppressing others.

It is very important for teachers (educators, lecturers, trainers...) to be able to recognize and evaluate emotions when training other people, especially children, because They have poor awareness and management of their emotions.

The student's emotions and reactions allow the teacher to choose the most appropriate, correct teaching style and content transferred experience. This significantly affects the level trust between student and teacher. And trust affects the student’s commitment to the teacher and belief in the truth of the experience conveyed by him. This is the main factor in whether the student will apply this experience in his activities or not, which is the main goal of the learning process.

The emergence of emotions

Every emotion necessarily has source- an external or internal stimulus that has an impact on the system and changes its state. Such sources may be:
- material systems(things, objects, equipment, tools, people, animals, plants...)
- mental images (thoughts, ideas, memories...)
- conditions, situations, circumstances in the environment
- rules, processes, principles, laws, norms...
- values ​​(freedom, harmony, comfort...)
- net worth(facial expressions, body position, movements, voice...)

Most common emotions arise in the following cases:

When perceiving current conditions, which have an important impact on the system and shape the experience.

At remembering situations that caused emotions in the past. You can remember such a situation on your own, on purpose, or when you find yourself in a similar situation. Memories can also arise when there are elements in the current situation that evoke associations with that situation. Moreover, emotions and internal processes can become similar to those that were experienced in the past situation: heart rate, breathing, blood pressure...

When modeling the situation in imagination, when you imagine conditions and processes that did not exist in reality, and evaluate their impact on your condition.

5. . Because emotions contain information about what has happened, is happening, or a possible change in state, then they can be used when making decisions. This will allow you to determine the most effective and successful way to achieve your goals. And by managing your own and other people’s emotions, you can form a certain behavior that will help you act in the right direction.

Goleman's model includes the following EI abilities:

1. personal (internal):

- self-awareness– the ability to determine and identify one’s state, emotions, personal resources, desires and goals;

- self-regulation– the ability to control and manage your emotions, with their help to change your personal state, make decisions and perform actions;

- motivation – emotional stress and concentration, helping to identify important goals and achieve them effectively;

2. social (external):

- empathy– awareness of the emotions and needs of other people, the ability to listen, and not just hear;

- social skills– the art of causing a certain reaction in others, managing the relationships and emotions of other people, organizing effective interaction...

This model is hierarchical, suggesting that some abilities are based on others. For example, self-awareness is necessary for self-regulation - it is impossible to manage your emotions without being able to identify them. And by knowing how to manage your emotions, you can easily motivate yourself and quickly move into the desired state...

Development of emotional intelligence

This increases sensitivity to your own and others’ emotions, allows you to manage them and motivate yourself to increase personal effectiveness and success.

The development of emotional intelligence is based on the following principles:
expand your comfort zone, get into new conditions in which new emotions may arise, for example, visit new places, travel...;
analyze and recognize these new emotions as soon as they arise;
repeat situations in which emotions arise in order to better determine their impact on activities, your reaction when they arise and try to manage them;
consciously stop negative emotions known situations that cause them;
deliberately arouse emotions in ordinary situations, in which these emotions did not arise;
identify other people's emotions. To do this, you can study how emotions are expressed (for example, study the book by P. Ekman, W. Friesen “Know a Liar by Their Facial Expression”), or simply ask what a person feels when you assume that he has an emotion...
arouse emotions in other people. For example, with the help of stories, anecdotes, metaphors... You need to determine the correspondence between the impact and the emerging emotion, consciously repeat this impact so that the same emotion appears in different people.

For effective development emotional intelligence can be applied as follows: methods:

Education
At any age, in any field, at any time, it is important to continue your education and self-education. Moreover, the more expensive it is, the more professional and successful the teachers/trainers/mentors from whom you study, the greater the impact this training will have on all areas of life and on personal qualities, including EI. In this case, first of all, it is advisable to study the general humanities (philosophy, psychology, natural science, biology...) in order to better know the world and one’s place in it, including gaining knowledge about emotional processes. And after realizing yourself, your talent and purpose, choose a narrow area of ​​development, your profession that corresponds to your vocation, and become a recognized expert in it.

Reading quality literature
For development in any field, it is extremely important to read books as much as possible, practical guides, magazines, articles... But even more important is to analyze and put into practice the information from them. It is also important to choose high-quality literature - popular, secular, news materials in the vast majority of cases do not affect development in any way, but only waste time and clog up the memory. Books and manuals written by professionals, recognized experts, have a completely different effect: they provide important, verified information, allow you to form personal principles, behavior, goals, expand your paradigm, but most importantly, they motivate you to start taking action. Therefore, to develop EI, it is important to choose quality books, for example, Daniel Goleman’s “Emotional Intelligence.”

Journaling
Self-analysis is one of the main abilities of EI. And the materialization of thoughts during self-analysis of one’s own and others’ emotions makes this process the most effective. In your diary, you can record any situations that caused emotions, describe your feelings, identify and classify emotions, and draw conclusions about how you could react in a similar situation next time. For convenient diary keeping, you can use the Personal Diaries service.

Development of qualities
It is possible to improve individual components of EI - qualities described in EI models, such as self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, etc. How to improve them is described in the method Development of personal qualities.

Trips
This is the most effective way to expand your comfort zone, because... you find yourself in a completely new environment that you had never even imagined. And this can give the most powerful, vivid, new emotions that have never been heard of before. They can be learned to manage and use in the same, familiar conditions, which will give additional motivation and energy to carry out routine activities and achieve new goals. Travel can also lead to a change in value systems, which also changes emotions and their impact on activities. For example, having visited poor countries, you can begin to appreciate familiar things more: food, water, electricity, technology..., get more pleasure from using them, begin to use them more rationally, more economically.

Flexibility
When making decisions, you can use not only your experience and your point of view, but also take into account the opinions of those who may be affected by this decision and seek compromises. This will avoid the occurrence of negative emotions and, due to the environmental friendliness of the decision, can evoke positive emotions in everyone who participated in its adoption and implementation. The opposite of this approach is called rigidity, when you act only on the basis of your experience. Then there is a high probability that the solution will not be environmentally friendly and will cause unpredictable harm.

Communication
Very often emotions arise during normal communication. When communicating with new acquaintances or old friends on new topics, you can experience new emotions. By assessing and managing them during a conversation, you can significantly change its results. For example, during negotiations, if you lose your temper, you can lose potential clients or partners. And if you evoke strong positive emotions in your interlocutor, you can get from him much more resources than expected, for example, more money from a sponsor.

Creation
Creating something new and unique guarantees positive emotions. And the creation of masterpieces, something that will be of interest, demand, for which others will be grateful - this is perhaps the main source of the strongest, positive emotions that a person can experience in his life. The more grandiose a creation you create, the more new and powerful emotions arise.

Victories, awards, success
New emotions often arise when achieving goals, participating in competitions, training for them, or even ordinary disputes. And the moment of victory and receiving a reward always excites strong positive emotions. And the more important the victory, the more difficult it was to achieve, the more resources spent on it and the greater the reward, the stronger the emotions arise.

All these methods create emotional experience, which is the foundation for managing emotions. Without this experience, it is impossible to consciously excite or inhibit emotions. It creates a clear picture of what emotions may arise in response to certain changes, how they may affect state and activity, and what can be done to eliminate harmful and arouse useful emotions.

Developing emotional intelligence makes it possible motivate and convince other people at a deeper, value level than can be done with words and deeds. This significantly improves relationships, which accelerates the achievement of common goals and self-realization.

The ideal development of EI leads to the emergence emotional competence– the ability to recognize and manage any, even unknown, emotions in any conditions. It allows you to determine the impact of new, previously unexperienced emotions on your activities, even if you have never heard of them, and manage them. It also allows you to control emotions of any intensity, even the highest, and reduce or increase it to the desired level. She is also protective barrier, which prevents it from “exploding” and causing harm.

To determine the current level of development of your EI, you can use the following tests:
Emotional Development Quotient
Emotional intellect
Emotion Recognition
Attitude towards others

Because Since all emotional processes significantly influence the activity of the system, it is important to be able to manage these processes in order to improve one’s condition, develop, act effectively, successfully achieve goals and self-realization.

It boils down to the following basic processes:
- excitement useful emotion, i.e. transition from a calm to an active state;
- extinguishing harmful emotions, i.e. transition from an active to a calm state;
- change in intensity of emotion.

These processes also apply to the system itself, i.e. management of personal emotions, and to other systems, i.e. managing other people's emotions.

Effective management of emotions is only possible when realize them, you can consciously determine the moment of their occurrence and correctly identify them. To do this, it is necessary to accumulate emotional experience, to repeatedly find yourself in situations that arouse a certain emotion. Without this, management can lead to an inadequate change in their intensity (for example, they wanted to extinguish an emotion, but on the contrary it intensified), it can be completely useless or even cause harm.

Plays an important role in managing emotions imagination. The better it is developed, the more realistic and large-scale images and situations it can create, in which emotions will be the most vivid and intense. You can improve your imagination with imagination training.

Also affects emotion management memory. The better it is developed and the more emotional experience it has, the more vivid memories can be obtained from it. You can improve your memory with memory training.

Because emotions are closely related to by will, then the stronger it is, the easier it is to manage emotions. Therefore, one of the ways to manage emotions is to develop will, perseverance and self-discipline. You can improve them using the Self-Discipline Training method.

When managing emotions, it is important to adhere to the following: principles:

If you are currently experiencing one emotion and want to arouse another, then you must first to repay current, passing into a calm state, and only after that excite the necessary one.

It is necessary to consciously manage their external expression: facial expressions, movements of the arms, legs, the body as a whole, its position, gestures, voice... For example, for joy to arise, it is usually enough just to smile. To extinguish anger, you can freeze, sigh and do the usual, calm expression faces.

For excitement emotions need incentives. They can be obtained through the following channels:

- visual: see the source of emotions (for example, a beautiful landscape), imagine it in your imagination, go to certain conditions, situations, watch a film, a painting...;

- auditory: other people’s and your own words, thoughts (inner voice), voice volume, speech rate, music, sounds...;

- kinesthetic: facial expressions, movements and body position, gestures, breathing...

Congruent, the coordinated use of all these channels simultaneously allows you to most quickly excite even the most strong emotion. Moreover, for maximum efficiency, it is recommended to use them in the same sequence: visual (draw a picture in your mind), auditory (add words, music...) and then kinesthetic (make an appropriate facial expression, take a certain pose...)

For example, you can simultaneously imagine or remember a situation in which you experienced joy, turn on joyful music, say “I’m having fun, happy, cool,” and actively dance, then you can experience very strong joy, perhaps even delight.

But if, using all channels, in one of them, for example, kinesthetic, there will be controversial emotion (not congruent), then the general state may not change or even become the opposite of what is desired.

For example, if you want to experience joy, you imagine a picture, listen to music, but your body is very sluggish, your facial expression is sad, mournful or even angry, then negative emotions may arise, not positive ones.

Thus, to arouse a certain emotion, you can recall situation in which it arose in the past. Remember the details of what surrounded you, what actions you performed, what words and sounds you heard, what you felt in your body, what thoughts you had... If there is no experience of experiencing the necessary emotion or it is forgotten, then the emotion cannot be aroused in this way. Then you can consciously create the conditions in which this emotion can arise and gain the missing emotional experience.

Also, to arouse a certain emotion, you can introduce a visual image (picture) of a situation in which this emotion could arise in reality. In the absence of emotional experience, it is difficult to determine in which imaginary situation which emotion will arise. Then you need to accumulate this experience - move to new conditions, participate in new situations that can give new emotions. Having gained such experience, it will be possible to identify the basic elements of conditions and situations that arouse a certain emotion and use them in the imagination.

For example, if in many situations when joy arose, a certain person was present or a certain resource was received, then you can use similar elements in an imaginary situation and the emotion will arise again.

For arousing other people's emotions, you need to make sure that these same channels start working for another person. For example, so that he remembers a situation or imagines it. This can be done by using open-ended questions, stories or metaphors that will create a certain image in the person's mind or evoke memories.

For example, for a person to experience joy, you can ask him: “What was your happiest day in your life?” Or you can say: “Do you remember when you first found yourself at sea, do you remember how happy you were then...” Or: “Imagine that you are in the most heavenly place on earth, next to you are the people closest to you... How would you feel then?” Then the person will immediately have images and memories that will evoke emotions.

To to repay emotion, you need to move to a calm state using the following methods:
- relax, stop moving, sit or lie down comfortably;
- focus on your breathing, start breathing slower and deeper, hold it for a few seconds after inhaling...;
- change your voice, reduce its volume, speak more slowly, or stop speaking altogether for a short period;
- imagine or remember a situation in which you experience maximum safety, comfort, coziness, warmth.

To extinguish other people's emotions, you can ask to perform these actions (in no case should you be forced, unless, of course, it comes to the point of passion with harmful consequences). For example, you can in a calm voice say: "Calm down, do it deep breath, sit down, drink some water...” If a person does not want to calm down, then you can try to switch his attention. For example, again, you can tell a story, a metaphor, ask an open question...

To learn to change intensity specific emotion, you can apply the following method:

1. Completely realize this emotion, identify, classify, determine the sensations it causes in the body, what actions it motivates, determine its sources, remember the situations in which it arose, or be in such a situation to vividly experience it. This will require emotional experience.

2. I use scale from 1 to 100%, imagine what this emotion would be like at maximum intensity (100%). Imagine what sensations you would have in your body, what actions you would like to perform, how intensely you would like to act...

3. Define current level of this emotion at the moment on a scale.

4. Moving small steps(5-10%) up this scale, change the intensity of this emotion in the body. To do this, you can simply imagine how the value on the scale increases and its intensity increases. Or you can imagine/remember situations in which this emotion was more intense. It is important that changes are felt in the body, activity changes. If there are difficulties when moving to higher intensity, then you can reduce the step, for example, increase the intensity by 2-3%.

5. Having reached maximum intensity, you need to start decreasing the intensity to 0 using steps of 5-10%. To do this, you can also imagine moving down the scale or imagine/remember situations with less intensity of this emotion.

6. Then you need to reach 100% again, then again to 0%... And continue this process until it works fast change the intensity of an emotion with its actual expression in the body.

7. To consolidate the skill, you can go to certain intensity, for example, by 27%, by 64%, by 81%, by 42%... The main thing is that there is a clear feeling of emotion in the body.

For mood management It’s enough to know their causes and take measures to eliminate them (to get rid of a bad mood) or create them (to make a good mood). Such reasons usually include:

- internal processes and state: sick or healthy, cheerful or drowsy...

For example, having Bad mood, you can find out that you are sick. Then, to improve your mood, it will be enough to take medicine, go to the doctor... and get cured.

- environment : comfort or disorder, noise or silence, fresh air or unpleasant odors, pleasant or annoying people...

For example, if there is chaos and discomfort at the workplace, then there may be a bad mood. Then you can tidy up, make it beautiful and clean.

- relationship: the mood of other people is transmitted to the person.

For example, if you meet a friend and have a pleasant conversation with him, your mood improves. And if you met a person with an angry expression on his face, who was also rude to empty space, then your mood may worsen. Then you can simply stop contacting such a person and chat with someone who is pleasant.

- thoughts and images: By remembering or imagining situations, they arouse corresponding emotions. Therefore, to improve your mood, you can imagine or remember an incident that caused positive emotions.

For example, remember funny incident or a happy moment in your life. Or imagine a trip in a beautiful car that you have long dreamed of. Or, for example, an athlete, thinking before a competition about possible injuries, defeat, etc., will be in a bad mood. Then you can think about victory, reward, etc. to improve your mood.

- desires and goals: reaching important goal the mood can be good, and if there is unresolved problems, then it may get worse.

For example, to cheer you up, you can set yourself a goal that you really want to achieve. Or you can solve a long-standing problem that caused discomfort or prevented you from moving towards your desired goal.

Also a significant advantage of managing emotions is success in all areas of life. Indeed, in this case there is absolutely no harm during strong emotional “outbursts” and there is always energy to achieve any goal.

In any case, even if emotions are not used for development and self-realization, they are still necessary for ordinary life to be in good mood, tone, be happy, experience joy even from little things and share your emotions with loved ones.

Develop your emotions and manage them, then your success, your happiness and your self-realization will be inevitable.

Greetings readers. In this article I will tell you. We will talk about how not to give in to your feelings, your mood and state of mind, keep a sober mind and accept right decisions, and not act “on emotions”. The article is quite large, since the topic requires it, this is even, in my opinion, the smallest thing that can be written on this topic, so you can read the article in several approaches. Here you will also find many links to other materials on my blog, and before you start studying them, I advise you to read to the end this page, and then delve into reading other articles via links, since in this article I still skimmed over the top (you can open the materials via links in other tabs of your browser and then start reading).

So, before we talk about practice, let us talk about why we need to control emotions at all and whether it can be done at all. Are our feelings something beyond our control, something we can never cope with? Let's try to find out.

Feelings and emotions in culture

Western mass culture is thoroughly saturated with an atmosphere of emotional dictatorship, the power of feelings over the human will. In films, we constantly see how heroes, driven by passionate impulses, commit some crazy actions, and sometimes the entire plot is built on this. Movie characters quarrel, lose their tempers, get angry, shout at each other, sometimes even for no particular reason. Some uncontrollable whim often leads them to their goal, to their dream: be it a thirst for revenge, envy or a desire to have power. Of course, films are not entirely made up of this, I am not at all going to criticize them for this, because it is simply an echo of the culture, which is that emotions are often put at the forefront.

This is especially evident in classical literature(and even classical music, I’m not even talking about the theater): past centuries were much more romantic than our era. Heroes classical works They were distinguished by a great emotional disposition: sometimes they fell in love, sometimes they stopped loving, sometimes they hated, sometimes they wanted to rule.

And so, between these emotional extremes, the stage of the hero’s life described in the novels took place. I will also not criticize the great classic books for this, they are wonderful works from the point of view of artistic value and they simply reflect the culture from which they were born.

But, nevertheless, this view of things, which we see in many works of world culture, is not only a consequence of the social worldview, but also indicates the further path of cultural movement. Such an exalted, obsequious attitude towards human emotions in books, music and films creates the belief that our feelings are not controlled, they are something that is beyond our control, they determine our behavior and our character, they are given to us by nature and we do not we can change nothing.

We believe that the entire individuality of a person comes down to just a set of passions, quirks, vices, complexes, fears and emotional impulses. We are used to thinking about ourselves in this manner: “I’m hot-tempered, I’m greedy, I’m shy, I’m nervous and I can’t help it.”

We constantly look for justification for our actions in our feelings, abdicating all responsibility: “well, I acted on emotions; when I am irritated, I become uncontrollable; Well, that’s the kind of person I am, I can’t do anything about it, it’s in my blood, etc.” We treat our emotional world as an element beyond our control, a seething ocean of passions in which a storm will begin as soon as a slight breeze blows (after all, the same thing happens in the case of heroes of books and films). We easily follow the lead of our feelings, because we are who we are and it cannot be any other way.

Of course, we began to see this as the norm, even, moreover, as dignity and virtue! We call excessive sensitivity and think of it almost as a personal merit of the bearer of such a “spiritual type”! We reduce the entire concept of great artistic skill to the level of depicting the movement of emotions, which is expressed in theatrical poses, elaborate gestures and demonstrations of mental torment.

We no longer believe that it is possible to gain control over ourselves, make conscious decisions, and not be a puppet of our desires and passions. Is there any serious basis for such a belief?

I think not. The inability to control feelings is a common myth generated by our culture and our psychology. It is possible to control emotions, and the experience of many people who have learned to be in harmony with their inner world speaks in favor of this; they managed to make feelings their allies, and not overlords.

This article will talk about managing emotions. But I will talk not only about the control of emotions, such as anger, irritation, but also about the control of states (laziness, boredom) and uncontrollable physical needs (lust, gluttony). Since it all has common ground. Therefore, if I further talk about emotions or feelings, by this I immediately mean all irrational human impulses, and not just the emotions themselves in the strict sense of the word.

Why do you need to control your emotions?

Of course, feelings can and should be managed. But why do this? It's very simple to become freer and happier. Emotions, if you don’t take control over them, take control, which is fraught with all sorts of rash actions that you later regret. They prevent you from acting wisely and correctly. Also, knowing about your emotional habits, it is easier for other people to control you: play on your pride, if you are vain, take advantage of your insecurities to impose your will.

Emotions are spontaneous and unpredictable; they can take you by surprise at the most crucial moment and interfere with your intentions. Imagine a faulty car that is still driving, but you know that at any moment the high speed Something might break and this will lead to an inevitable accident. Will you feel confident driving such a car? Also, uncontrollable feelings can arise at any time and cause the most unpleasant consequences. Remember how much trouble you experienced due to the fact that you could not stop the excitement, calm the anger, overcome timidity and uncertainty.

The spontaneous nature of emotions makes it difficult to move towards long-term goals, since sudden impulses sensory world constantly introduce deviations into your life course, forcing you to turn in one direction or the other at the first call of passion. How can you realize your true purpose when you are constantly distracted by emotions?

In such a continuous rotation of sensory streams, it is difficult to find yourself, to realize your deepest desires and needs, which will lead you to happiness and harmony, since these streams constantly pull you into different sides, away from the center of your being!

Strong, uncontrollable emotions are like a drug that paralyzes the will and enslaves you.

The ability to control your emotions and states will make you independent (from your experiences and from the people around you), free and confident, will help you achieve your goals and achieve your goals, since feelings will no longer completely control your mind and determine your behavior.

In fact, it is sometimes very difficult to evaluate Negative influence emotions on our lives to the fullest, since every day we are under their power and it seems quite possible to look through the veil of piled-up desires and passions difficult task. Even our most ordinary actions carry an emotional imprint, and you yourself may not be aware of it. It can be very difficult to abstract from this state, but anyway, perhaps I will talk about this later.

What is the difference between managing emotions and suppressing emotions?

Meditate!

Meditation is a very valuable exercise for controlling emotions, developing willpower and awareness. Those who have been reading my blog for a long time may miss this, since I have already written about meditation in many articles, and here I will not write anything fundamentally new about it, but if you are new to my materials, then I strongly advise you to pay attention to this .

Of all that I have listed, meditation, in my opinion, is the most effective tool for controlling your state, both emotional and physical. Remember the equanimity of yogis and eastern sages who spent many hours in meditation. Well, since we are not yogis, it’s not worth meditating all day long, but you need to spend 40 minutes a day on it.

Meditation is not magic, not magic, not religion, it is the same proven exercise for your mind as physical exercise is for the body. Only meditation, unfortunately, is not so popular in our culture, which is a pity...

Managing emotions isn't just about stopping them. It is also necessary to maintain a state in which strong negative emotions simply do not arise or, if they do appear, they can be controlled by the mind. This is the state of calm, sober mind and peace that meditation gives you.

2 meditation sessions a day, over time, will teach you to manage your feelings much better, not to give in to passions and not to fall in love with vices. Try it and you will understand what I'm talking about. And most importantly, meditation will help you disengage from the constant emotional veil that envelops your mind and prevents you from taking a sober look at yourself and your life. This is the difficulty that I spoke about at the beginning. Regular classes meditation will help you cope with this task.

There is a whole article about this on my website and you can read it by following the link. I highly recommend doing this! This will make it much easier for you to achieve the task of finding harmony and balance with your inner world. Without this it will be very difficult!

What to do when emotions overcome?

Let's assume that you are overtaken by violent emotions that are difficult to cope with. What to do in such situations?

1. Realize that you are under the pressure of emotions, so you need to take action and not mess things up.
2. Calm down, relax (relaxing will help), remember that your actions now may be irrational due to the feelings overwhelming you, so put off making decisions and conversations for another time. Calm down first. Try to soberly analyze the situation. Take responsibility for your feelings. Define this emotion within a general class (Ego, weakness, thirst for pleasure) or in a more specific form (pride, laziness, shyness, etc.).
3. Depending on the situation, either do the opposite of what your current state forces you to do. Or just ignore him, act as if he doesn't exist. Or just accept proactive measures so as not to do unnecessary nonsense (regarding this, I gave an example about the feeling of falling in love at the beginning of the article: let it become a pleasant emotion, and not turn into an uncontrollable state that will push you to make decisions that you will later regret).
4. Drive away all thoughts born of this emotion, do not bury your head in them. Even if you have successfully dealt with the initial emotional outburst, that is not all: you will still continue to be overcome by thoughts that bring your mind back to this experience. Forbid yourself to think about it: every time thoughts about a feeling come, drive them away. (for example, you were rude in a traffic jam, you don’t need to spoil your mood because of random rudeness, forbid yourself to think about all the injustice of this situation (stop the mental flow “he’s so and so to me, because he’s wrong...”), because this is stupid. Take a break. to music or other thoughts)

Try to analyze your emotions. What caused them? Do you really need these experiences or are they just getting in the way? Is it so smart to get angry over trifles, envy, gloat, be lazy and be despondent? Do you really need to constantly prove something to someone, try to be the best everywhere (which is impossible), strive to get as much as possible? more pleasure, laziness and grief? What will your life be like in the absence of these passions?

How will the lives of people close to you change when they cease to be the target of your negative feelings? What will happen to your life if no one has malicious intentions towards you? Well, the latter is no longer entirely in your control (but only “not entirely”, I’m writing this article, which will be read by many people, which means I can do something about it ;-)), but you can still train yourself not to react to the surrounding negativity, let people who are filled with it keep it to themselves, instead of won't give it to you.

Don't put off this analysis until later. Train yourself to think and talk about your experiences from a position of reason and common sense. Every time, after a strong experience, think about whether you need it, what it gave you and what it took away, who it harmed, how it made you behave. Realize how much your emotions limit you, how they control you and force you to do things that you would never do in your right mind.

This is where I will end this long article about how to control your emotions. I wish you success in this matter. I hope all the material on my site will help you with this.