How to ignore rudeness. How to respond to rudeness

Irina Davydova

Reading time: 5 minutes

A A

For many people, work is not only a source of replenishment of the family budget and an anchor of stability, but also favorite activity, which is a way of self-expression and brings a certain joy in life. Unfortunately, work is not always associated only with rosy and pleasant emotions: relationships with colleagues can even force calm person slam the door.

How to put arrogant colleagues in their place?

5 answers to a colleague if he is constantly nagging at work

Does your “comrade” at work vigilantly watch your every move, groundlessly find fault with every little thing, and exhaust you with attacks, reproaches and jokes? Don’t rush to throw lemonade in the face of an impudent person or send him on a long journey to a known address - first make sure that all cultural methods have been exhausted.

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” And have a heart-to-heart chat. You will be surprised, but goodwill sometimes not only discourages an impudent person and deprives him of his “thorns,” but also quickly solves the problem. In the end, adequate adults are always able to find a common language.
Be flexible and seek compromise. Even if nothing works out, your conscience will be clear - at least you tried.
“You have parsley stuck in your teeth.” Reduce all attacks to a joke. With a smile, but categorically, “move out” of any reproach. And continue to do your job calmly. According to the “smile and wave” principle. By the 10th time, your colleague will get tired of your retaliatory jokes and “inaction” (the best answer to boorish people is precisely inaction!) and will find another victim.
“What are your suggestions?” But really, let him show and tell. Give the person the opportunity to express himself, and give yourself the opportunity to move on to a normal dialogue with a colleague. Calmly listen to his objections and suggestions. Also, calmly agree or, in case of disagreement, reasonedly and, again, calmly voice your point of view.
“And indeed. How come I didn’t realize it right away? Thanks for noticing! We'll fix it." No need to go into the bottle. The most bloodless option is to agree, smile, and do as you are asked. Especially if you are wrong, and your colleague is a more experienced person in your work.

5 correct steps if a work colleague is spying on you and informs his superiors

Is there a “misplaced Cossack” in your team? And more and more to your liking? If you are an exemplary worker and have a strong habit of keeping your mouth shut, then you don’t have to worry. However, it doesn’t hurt to know about the rules of behavior with “informers.”

We place a colleague in an information vacuum. We discuss all important and personal issues only outside of work. Let a comrade starve without food for denunciations. And, of course, we take a responsible approach to our work. If you arrive before noon, you run away long before the end of the working day, and most of spend your working time in the “smoking room”, then your boss will assign you to indefinite vacation without any backlash.
Let's do the opposite. We calmly and confidently launch the “misinformation”, and let the informer warm his long ears and spread this misinformation throughout the company. The minimum that awaits him is a reprimand from his superiors. The method is radical, and may well turn out to be a double-edged sword, so choose the material for the “misinformation” very carefully.
"Who's here?" We ignore the colleague himself and his attempts to ruin your life. As for the authorities, there is no need to worry: no one likes informers. Therefore, do not even think about running after your fellow informer to the manager and inserting your 2 cents. Just "sit on the river bank and wait for the corpse of your enemy to float past you."
“Well, let's talk?” A heart-to-heart conversation is quite real option solving the problem. But without superiors and in the presence of witnesses - other colleagues. And preferably, those colleagues who are on your side. During an intimate conversation, you can explain to your colleague that everyone knows about his actions, that no one supports these actions, and that at all times the fate of informers has been unenviable (everyone chooses the tone of the conversation and epithets to the best of their intelligence). It is worth noting that as a result of such conversations, informers very often realize their mistakes and take the path of correction. The main thing is to convey to the person that in your friendly and strong team with such life “principles” they do not stay long.
Delicacy be damned, let's count the snitch's ribs! This is the worst case scenario. It will not definitely increase your “karma”. Therefore, emotions aside, sobriety of thinking and calmness are above all. Even better, humor can help relieve tension. It is humor, not sarcasm, and skillfully inserted “pins”.

In the matter of denunciations it is always more difficult than with ordinary rudeness. You can, if desired, win a boor over to your side, calm him down, bring him into conversation, turn him into a friend from an enemy. But pride, as a rule, does not allow anyone to be friends with an informer. Therefore, if there is a snake in your friendly team, deprive it of poison immediately.

A colleague is openly rude - 5 ways to put down an insolent person

We meet boors everywhere - at home, at work, in transport, etc. But if a boor on a bus can be ignored and forgotten as soon as you get off at your stop, then a boorish colleague is sometimes real problem. After all, you won’t change jobs because of him.

How to stop an insolent person?

We respond to every boorish attack with a joke. This way, your nerves will be healthier, and your authority among your colleagues will be higher. The main thing is not to cross the line in your jokes. “Below the belt” and black humor are not an option. Don't stoop to your colleague's level.
Turn on the recorder. As soon as the boor opens his mouth, we take the recorder out of our pocket (or turn it on on the phone) and with the words “Wait, wait, I’m recording,” press the record button. There is no need to scare the boor that you will take this audio collection to the boss, write down “For history!” - demonstratively and always with a smile.
If a boor asserts himself in this way at your expense, deprive him of this opportunity. Does he pester you during your lunch break? Eat at another time. Does it interfere with your work process? Transfer to another department or work schedule. Isn't there such a possibility? Ignore the lunges and see point 1.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Every time they try to piss you off, turn on your inner psychiatrist. And look at your opponent with the forgiving eyes of a psychiatrist. Specialists will never contradict their violent patients. They pat them on the head, smile affectionately and agree with everything the patients say. For the particularly violent ones - a straitjacket (the phone camera will help you, and the entire series of videos on YouTube).
Growing personally. Take care of yourself - your work, hobbies, growth. At personal growth all boors, informers and gossips remain somewhere outside your flight. Like ants underfoot.

5 Answers on How to Deal with a Gossiping Colleague

Of course, everyone is unsettled by false rumors spread behind their backs. At this moment you feel “naked” and betrayed. Especially if the information about you spread at the speed of light is true.

How to behave?

Pretend that you are not aware of the situation and continue to work calmly. They will gossip and stop. As you know, “everything passes”, and this too.
Join the discussion about yourself. With humor and jokes. Take part in the gossip and boldly add a shocking detail or two. Even if the gossip doesn't stop, at least relieve the tension. It will be much easier to work further.
Point your colleague to specific articles of the Criminal Code on libel which he violates with his gossip. Doesn't he understand well? File a claim for protection of honor and dignity.
Every day, deliberately and demonstratively give a colleague new topic for gossip. Moreover, the topics should be such that after a week the team is completely tired of them.
Talk to the boss. If all else fails, then this is the only option left. Just don’t rush into your boss’s office and do the same thing your colleague is doing. Calmly turn to your superiors for help, without naming names - let him advise you on how to get out of this situation with honor, without harming the general microclimate in the team.

Parents teach their children to treat other people politely. The children are taught the rules of cultural behavior: do not be rude to elders, treat younger ones with respect. But, unfortunately, not all people follow such recommendations. For some, rudeness is the main way to prove to another person that you are right. This situation can be encountered anywhere: in transport, in a store, at work. Harsh words hurt deeply, and you don’t always immediately know what to answer to the offender. And the mood for the whole day is ruined. Whatever happens similar situations, you should know

What are the reasons?

Rudeness is special wish by deed or word to insult the interlocutor or others. Moreover, it is based on irresponsibility and anonymity. If you ask a boor about his position, place of work, last name, the tone of his conversation will noticeably change.

It is thanks to impunity that rudeness flourishes so much. Previously, a person encountered unpleasant treatment in a store, at work, in some public places. Today, with the increase in the number of cars and the expansion of social networks misbehavior is becoming more common.

To know how to react to rudeness, you need to understand what its causes are. So, psychologists believe that rude behavior is characteristic of the following categories of people:

Persons who did not receive enough love in childhood. In this case, a person tries to be noticed by others. After all, he always experiences a lack of attention, love, and communication. These are people who were not praised in childhood and were not given time to communicate with them. After all, every child needs the love and understanding of their parents. Not receiving the necessary affection and warmth as usual, naturally, the kid resorts to rude, terrible behavior. And it is at this time that parents achieve what they want - they react to him, begin to indulge him. This method is formed in the child’s mind as the only way attract attention. Accordingly, in adult life the person continues to use it.
People seeking self-affirmation. This picture is observed if the interlocutor cannot answer adequately. In this case, the brute rises to the top own eyes and with more greater strength continues to humiliate the person. Thus, he tries to assert himself. Often this situation arises if the rude person is a boss who has even minimal power, or the boor for certain reasons causes fear in the interlocutor.
A state of despair, disappointment, fatigue. In such a situation, even cultured person He may lose his temper and be rude. Of course, this will be followed by an apology. And here it all depends on the culture of behavior of the interlocutor. A well-mannered person will accept an apology and the conflict will be resolved. But if the collision occurred with a boor, then he will already be on edge. No amount of apologies will help here.

In addition, the inability to clearly argue one’s arguments can lead to rudeness. Sometimes you can observe the following picture when two people argue. The first provides concrete evidence to support his point of view. The other, being confident that he is right, cannot argue for it, but strives to go through the argument to the end. Often in such a situation, without compelling arguments, he breaks down and becomes rude. And, as a rule, it fails. At the same time, in the eyes of others, this person demonstrates how low her culture of behavior is.

Hams on the roads

Any driver knows that there are normal and inadequate road users on the highway. The second category includes those who cut off, change lanes, demand to be allowed through immediately, honk for no reason, constantly flash their high beams, or are eager to figure things out and prove, sometimes even with their fists, that they are right.

How to react to rudeness? And in what language do you communicate with a road rude person? Unfortunately, universal instructions does not exist. Because inappropriate situations are always unpredictable. However, psychologists recommend sticking to certain rules. Compliance with them will not only eliminate rudeness on the roads, but also, in some situations, protect lives.

How to behave in difficult situations? Psychologists give the following recommendations:

Inattentive driver. Sometimes a situation happens that lights up green light, and all the cars are stopped because of one traffic participant. The driver was distracted or lost in thought, and simply did not notice how the traffic light switched. People who are in a hurry begin to honk their horns frantically. This simple situation, but she is very annoying. If you find yourself in the role of a “sleeping” driver, then the best thing you can do is to say thank you to those who honked your horn. If you find yourself in the role of an impatient driver, try to “wake up” him more gently. For example, blink your high beams. Thus, the fight against rudeness should begin with you. Always remain adequate on the road.
Save time. Dealing with a rude person wastes not only nerves, but also precious hours. Two drivers who are not inferior to each other on a narrow road are very reminiscent of rams from a children's fairy tale. If you don't like this comparison, give way to your opponent. At the same time, reassure yourself that, unlike him, you drive perfectly in reverse. In addition, smile sincerely at the boor, and great mood you will be provided for the whole day.
Uncontrollable situation. If you couldn’t avoid a meeting with an inappropriate driver, know that common language you won't find it with him. Therefore, it is best to prepare thoroughly. Close the windows and doors, turn on the DVR in your car, or mobile phone. This way you can capture misconduct, committed to your address. Do not try to explain anything to the arrogant driver yourself. It is very easy to break loose and use improvised means, fists. But it is difficult to later prove that you acted in self-defense. It is best to try to attract the attention of others with a horn or emergency lights. You can call the police or loved ones for help.
Stress relief. After meeting with an inadequate driver, there is always an unpleasant feeling in your soul. Psychologists recommend calling your loved ones and telling them about what happened to you. Just complain. Having received support and understanding loved one, you will quickly get rid of the negativity and be able to calmly continue moving.
Necessary rest. Sometimes you yourself may experience irritation at the sight of other road users. If everyone around you is perceived as a racer or a bad driver, you need to take a break. In such a situation, it is very important to perform following tips psychologist. Get out of the car at fresh air. Do 10 squats. If such a release does not help, then do a dozen more exercises.

Rudeness at work

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon today. Rudeness at work from the boss is very common. The “victim” often tries not to pay attention to rude statements from management. After all, make a remark to a superior colleague without negative consequences It’s not always possible for yourself.

Of course, you cannot constantly ignore unpleasant statements. However, how to stop the rudeness of your boss? In certain situations, if management’s behavior or statements go beyond the norms of what is permissible (framework, established by law), such persons may be brought to court.

But often the rudeness of management manifests itself in constant ignorance. Raised tones are used in communication and derogatory intonation is used. Sometimes a subordinate feels neglected. In such situations, it will not be possible to bring the rude person to legal liability. Here it is better to apply the recommendations of psychologists.

Rudeness or constructive criticism?

But before using the advice of a psychologist, you should carefully understand the situation. Some people, as a result of their emotional anxiety, may perceive criticism as rudeness. In this case, they lose very valuable and important information about myself.

How to distinguish rudeness and insult from constructive criticism? The answer is very simple. Rudeness is aimed at destroying psychological integrity and hinders further development. Criticism allows the individual to recover. She motivates to improve.

How to behave at work?

If rude treatment of subordinates is a leadership style, then it is best to take a philosophical approach to it. After all, it just trains your endurance.

In such situations, the following advice from a psychologist will help you:

Answer management mechanically: “I’ll do everything,” “You’re right.”
You can honestly admit that you are lost from the screaming. The main thing is not to adopt a sarcastic tone. Otherwise, the boss will think that you are mocking him.
Tell your boss that you value his opinion. Therefore, you want to understand why he is angry and discuss it in a calm atmosphere. This behavior simply disarms boors.

Many people try to stand up to rude people. At the same time, they make mistakes that are still to a greater extent cause rudeness and rudeness from the boss in response. Let's look at them:

Justification. This behavior is reminiscent of a child. In addition, an acquittal is an admission of guilt. It's also quite humiliating. This situation will only irritate management. Remember: no one needs excuses at all, they don’t want to hear them and don’t expect them.
Rudeness in response. It is very easy to get involved in a scandal. In this case, the boss will receive even more than he expected. The only exception maybe a snide retort to a wit.
Silence. It is often perceived as dismissive neglect. This behavior also causes more aggression. Be sure to answer. At the same time, maintain a cool, polite tone. Keep your answers short. And then you can shut up.
Interrupting superiors. Be sure to let the boss speak. And only after waiting for a pause, answer.

Rudeness in the store

Very often rudeness comes from incompetent strangers. In this way they try to emphasize their importance and increase their status. They should not be taken seriously at all. And even more worrying about this.

Of course, it is very difficult to restrain yourself if you hear public insults in a store. The rudeness of sellers puts them in an unpleasant position.

So, if you encounter rudeness in a store, how to respond to rudeness? Advice from psychologists allows us to get out of the situation with dignity:

Universal phrases. Having heard rudeness from the seller, it is necessary to respond to him, citing facts that cannot be disputed. In this case, use common phrases: “People are different. They live differently. They are interested in a variety of things. Various events cause various reactions». A perfect example An example of how to use such phrases is the following. The rudeness of the seller: “Why are you poking tomatoes with dirty fingers?” Answer: "Tomato ripeness different people They check differently."
Contact higher authorities. If the seller begins to be blatantly rude to you, this is regarded as an infringement on your rights. It is completely useless to answer him in kind. This is a waste of energy and effort. But how to protect yourself from rudeness? It is better to check with the manager who is the manager and contact him with a complaint. You can't leave rudeness unpunished. You can request a complaint book and describe the situation in it.

Try not to let the rude person take control of the situation. No matter what the status of your opponent, you have the right to demand respect for yourself. Let the insolent person understand this.
How to respond to rudeness if the rude person is so passionate about his game that he completely loses control? In this case, put it back in place. Try to moderate this person's ardor. Should not accumulate negative emotions. Otherwise, you will take it out on your family and friends at home. In addition, many rude people fully believe in impunity. Try to dispel this myth. However, do not cross the line of what is acceptable, do not lose control. Otherwise, you will sink to the level of an ill-mannered person. Your “performance” should not be demonstrative. Avoid waving your arms or shouting loudly.
All negative phrases don't take it personally. Just sympathize with the rude person. Such a person is dissatisfied with life. Therefore he deserves pity. A person who stoops to rudeness has weak character. Therefore, how can her insults be taken seriously? Completely ignore all the negativity that has been addressed to you.
Respond to rudeness with humor. Try to joke about the person’s attempts to offend or humiliate you. You can even smile in response to the impudence. By doing this you will let the rude person know that his comments are indifferent to you. Your malicious smile will provoke a storm of indignation. Just laugh in such a person's face. He will understand that he was defeated and did not challenge you in return. negative reaction. You can “finish off” your opponent with the following phrases: “Did something hurt you?”, “Why were you so nervous?” Try to last word is left to you.
Show pity. A rude person is fueled by the energy of conflict. Therefore, polite, smart and completely adequate person, having heard rudeness, will not respond in kind. He will ignore such treatment. A great way to suppress negativity is to feel sorry for such a person. Do not forget that often such people did not receive proper upbringing and care from their parents in childhood. They are usually unsuccessful in life. They are not liked by the opposite sex. They deserve compassion. Therefore, your non-standard attitude to the situation will completely ruin your plans energy vampire“feed” on emotions and nerves.
Use your imagination. If a rude person expresses everything he thinks to your face, try to imagine that this person is behind glass. You don't hear what he says. This technique is quite a funny tactic. After all, you see how the rude man moves his lips, waves his arms, but you don’t catch a single word.
Talk to the person. Sometimes situations arise when it is impossible to ignore, let alone ridicule, rudeness. This applies to communication with loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. In such cases, it is better to talk frankly with the person. Try to find out what happened to him today, how is his health. You will understand what provoked this behavior. In addition, allow the rude person to look at himself from the outside and rethink unworthy communication.
Be positive. Rudeness is the lot of people with a negative worldview. Therefore, try to control your thoughts. Don't attract disrespect.

And most importantly: be confident in yourself! Only this model of behavior makes it possible to get out of any situation gracefully, while fully maintaining your own dignity and not feeling like a victim.

Good day, dear readers of my blog. Today I want to raise a very important topic - how to respond to rudeness at work. Such an indecent attitude can not only lead to dismissal, but also affect a decrease in self-esteem and even lead a person into deep depression. How to avoid this and what to do with a boorish attitude?

What's the point

A person who uses rudeness expects you to emotional reaction. He cannot achieve love or respect, and so his rude behavior trying to evoke a negative emotion in you towards him. In addition, rudeness is often used as an indicator of superiority, they say, look how much better I am than you.

Sergey Dovlatov says that rudeness is inequality. And I completely agree with him. When a person switches to such communication, he is trying to speak from above, to become higher than you, to rise above the situation and have control over it. After all, a person who has been rude becomes a victim and often does not know what to answer and hesitates.

Rudeness, insolence or insolence can be overcome. You can always respond with a smart wit and thus upset the insolent person. But rudeness does not lend itself to this. A person feels his impunity and omnipotence over other people.
When you meet a boor, remember that his words may not apply to you directly, he simply does not know how to ask for communication in any other way. He needs social contact, but doesn’t know how to achieve it differently.

The boss is a boor

It is very difficult to cope with a boss who allows himself to call you a fool or an idiot. After all, you must maintain subordination. The reason for his such behavior may be his self-esteem. He considers himself smarter than everyone else, he knows how and what should work, but there are only fools around who have no idea what they are doing.

In addition, the boss can serve up criticism in this way. You can try to discard all insults, derogatory name-calling and hear in his words constructive criticism. Understand what he really wants from you.

There is an option for a one-on-one conversation with the boss. If you have trust relationship and you can afford such a conversation, then directly tell us about his rudeness. Perhaps you can help him. If this is not possible, then you can always quit and get another job. Remember that the world does not converge like a wedge on one job. Don't let yourself be trampled into the dirt.

What you definitely shouldn’t do is respond with rudeness. Under no circumstances should you be rude or insult your boss in response. In fact, this is exactly what rudeness is designed for. Cause aggression in your opponent and throw him off balance. Don't allow yourself to fall into this style of communication.

Subordinate serfs

If your subordinates are rude to you, then first you can have an educational conversation. Organize a meeting on the topic of rudeness at work. Invite a specialist in this field who will provide special training for your employees.

In addition, monetary punishment can be a good response to an insult. Deprivation of a bonus, for example. A person accepts punishment in rubles very well. Since you are the boss, it is you who manage the work process. You can introduce punishment for using swear words in the workplace, for insults and rudeness.

If you tried talking and depriving him of bonuses, but nothing works and the subordinate continues to behave indecently, fire him. Even if he good specialist. You can find yourself an employee to take his place, as they say, irreplaceable people does not exist. Just be careful when dismissing, you can’t just fire a person. There must be a legal justification.

All Seeing Eye

There are people who even in the most ordinary request to hand over a stapler see rudeness in their direction. IN in this case To begin with, you can talk to the person and explain that you do not intend to offend him or offend him in any way. Find out from him why he thinks so, what specifically offends him, what words of yours he perceives as rudeness. Perhaps the person has serious psychological problems.

If you yourself are such a person and see rudeness in every approach to you from the outside, then you should seriously work on yourself. Understand your self-esteem, if it is too low, then you need to raise it. If your self-esteem is too high, then you need to work on normalizing it.

It cannot be that rudeness surrounds a person. Yes, individuals meet, things happen unpleasant situations, but not every minute. Building relationships with colleagues can be difficult. After all, this is the work of two people. And if one of them does not want to make contact, then this complicates the situation even more.

Walk in the shoes of a boor

If you find yourself thinking that you want to be rude to your boss or colleague, then don’t be alarmed. Situations arise when you want to scream, express negative emotions, and throw out your anger. The main thing is to catch yourself at such a moment and prevent rudeness.

Think about at what moments you are ready to offend a person, what hurts you so much, where these negative emotions come from. Deal with the question: why do I want to scream?
Nothing happens for nothing. If this is a response to boorish behavior, then do not be like such a person. Ignore all these insults. All this is not said specifically to you. The person is trying to make you angry in this way, but you don’t get mad and this will be the best way out.

Additionally, you may feel like screaming and swearing because you are tired. For example, you are explaining the same procedure to a colleague for the millionth time, but he doesn’t understand and makes mistakes all the time. Take a break. Rest. Consider maybe you can delegate this work to someone else. It may be easier in this case to do everything yourself.

Remember that you should never respond to rudeness in kind. Breathe deeply and evenly, think about something of your own, ignore all the insults, don’t take it all personally.

I hope this article helped you understand the issue of rudeness and what to do about it. If so, be sure to share the link to the article in social networks.

Have a nice day!

On a beautiful summer day, my friend and I decided to go to the beach. The weather is wonderful, the mood is great, the bus is air conditioned. And then some passenger, passing by us, utters a rude phrase that it is not at all necessary to stand on the aisle, they say, they blocked the passage of the pigs. A slight shock gave way to a spoiled mood. Thank God, it passed quickly, but the incident made me think: how to react to rudeness and rudeness, and at the same time not ruin your mood?

Transport, work, random passers-by can become a source of rudeness or outright rudeness, which will unsettle you for a long time. So we studied the advice of psychologists and this is what we found out.

Why are people rude?
If you are rude and insulted
- How to respond to rudeness

Why are people rude?

Psychologists are sure that with the help of rudeness, stubbornness, rudeness, a person tries to force others to respect him. This way you can significantly raise your status and show strength, the rude man is sure. In fact, it is evidence of human frailty. A rude person does not have enough patience, dignity, or confidence to win favor in other ways.

If you are rude and insulted

Is it even worth responding to rudeness? Imagine the situation: in the forest you came across a stump that for some reason you wanted to kick. And everyone who is not too lazy does this (and many people are not too lazy, as most people admitted). Further development events depend on the stump itself: if it is rotten and partially falls apart, the next desire of the kicker will be the final destruction of the stump. No one needs it: you can’t sit on it and it’s not good for firewood. What if the stump is still hard? You could even hurt your leg! Now imagine that the stump is you (sorry for the unflattering comparison), and the one who kicks it is your offender.

If people react violently to barbs and insults, the rude person, at all costs, wants to break these people like a rotten stump. If the victim remains calm, he won’t want to pester him next time. Such reactions can be observed especially clearly in. Therefore, if you do not react to rudeness as the offender wants, he will very soon leave you alone.

Sometimes you still need to respond to rudeness

Sometimes we are unsettled by tactless questions or statements from friends and strangers. Why aren't you married yet? How old are you? Oh, are you well again? This is real rudeness, but often the person asking such questions does not understand it himself. How to react to such attacks?

The best way out would be to answer a question with a question. You may ask, “Why are you interested in this?” Or: “Why do you need to know such details from my personal life?. Or even say: “Sorry, but I don’t want to answer.” It turns out both direct and polite.

How to respond to rudeness

In order to properly respond to rudeness and rudeness, psychologists recommend mastering assertive behavior techniques. It sounds scientifically incomprehensible, but in fact, mastering this technique is not difficult. You will not allow emotions to take over you and will calmly respond to unkind attacks. To do this, you yourself need to say out loud the shortcomings of which you are accused. This is very effective because it does not meet the expectations of the offender, who thought he would hear an angry reaction and is already internally prepared for a small or big battle. But he hears: “Yes, it’s my fault, I moved the documents to another place, but forgot to warn.” After this, there will be a pause, since the person accusing you will not immediately answer this (he was preparing for completely different events). And if, when the stupor passes, he continues to blame you again, agree with his opinion, and he again has no trump cards left - you agree with him, it is simply useless to continue to be rude. If the offender finds the strength to continue a one-sided argument, he will look, to put it mildly, unattractive in the eyes of the team. You will be viewed as a victim of unfair treatment, even if you are truly at fault.

What to do in response to rudeness from strangers?

Don't confuse rudeness and criticism. If criticism, even harsh, is always aimed at some result, then rudeness is one of the types of unjustified aggression that is aimed at specific person or a group of people. Being rude to you is, of course, unpleasant, but learn to react without losing your feelings self-esteem, it is possible and necessary.

Don't notice

The best thing to do is to ignore the boor. If you pretend you didn't hear him and act like it doesn't concern you, he will lose interest in you and look for something else to direct his aggression towards. After all, boors are waiting for a response. And the more emotional she is, the more actively they will be rude to you.

There is no need to show your offense. In the end, this is exactly what the boor wanted. Why give him pleasure? Say that his words are unpleasant to you, but nothing more.

Regret

If you can’t leave barbs and insults unnoticed, take pity on the offender. After all, if he does this, he is inadequate. He has some problems. This man is truly unhappy. He is not loved, not cared for, not listened to by his parents, and perhaps by his chosen ones. So he tries to compensate for everything with rudeness, which he considers defensive reaction. If you treat him like he's poor, his plans for you will change dramatically. The main thing is that your reaction does not serve as an excuse for the offender.

Load with philosophy or respond with a joke

If someone is rude to you, you can respond with a difficult answer. clever phrase. Give the offender some kind of head-on smart question, it is even desirable that it be rhetorical. It is unlikely that the rude person will understand what exactly they want from him, but he will definitely stop. For example: “Confucius said that good should be answered with good, and evil should be answered with justice. Do you think the great Confucius was right?”

Responding to rudeness with a subtle joke is aerobatics. But if jokes on the topic don’t come to mind, make a sympathetic and cheerful expression on your face, in which the rude person will read the words “What a fool!” in his address. Or answer like this: “Are you being rude, my friend? Why? Do you want to offend me or something? And why do you need this?

Ignore

Unfortunately, there is so much rudeness in our world that the most best way to answer it is to show indifference. If you avoid rude people, your life will be much easier. You can learn not to react to others by using the following meditation: “I am a leaf on the side of the road. Everyone passes by, no one notices me.” Repeat this phrase to yourself if you become the object of a boor's attention.

Respond to rudeness with rudeness

“An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”? We deliberately put this method at the end, since it has a significant drawback, although reacting to rudeness this way is the first thing that usually comes to mind. If you put a rude person in his place by responding in kind, you sink to his level and do not maintain your self-esteem. Responding to rudeness with rudeness is a short way to being considered a boor yourself.

So, rudeness begins when you are ready to tolerate it. If you don't intend to do it, you won't be rude, regardless of whether you hear it or not. Free people rudeness is not tolerated. If you hear derogatory statements towards your people or country, if you were poorly served in a cafe, if you hear them addressed to you blatant lie- don't tolerate it similar attitude. This does not mean that you should respond to rudeness with rudeness; we have considered a lot of other ways. After all, you free man. And only people with a slavish perception of reality tolerate it. But there is one case when you don’t need to react to rudeness at all. This is rudeness on the Internet.

How to respond to rudeness on the Internet

Here we regularly encounter negative comments and aggressive attacks that are in the nature of text messages. Many people get very upset about this. There was a time when I myself went to the forum 20 times a day to check if my abuser had left me new public messages, and in between visits, I thought in my head what I would write in response to her next attack.

In fact, it is completely absurd to be upset, since these emotions are directed into emptiness. Understand and accept that these people are completely unhealthy, as evidenced by the excess of aggression that they splash out on the Internet. How do we treat sick people? That's right, we feel sorry for them.

Therefore, you should not react to rudeness on the Internet. After all, such people need your attention, they strive to attract it to themselves. And when we give attention to something, we give our own energy. By getting into an argument with these people, you are giving them what they need. With your answers you reinforce them, support an aggressive reaction. So that they stop throwing out aggression on Internet users, behave with them as is customary with small children when they behave like hooligans. Ignore completely - this is the best tactic. Moreover, it is generally unknown who, and he is located unknown where, and has nothing to do with you personally. It’s another matter if you and a loved one had an argument online. Here it is better to meet face to face and discuss the problems that have arisen.

There are people who real life They constantly suppress aggression within themselves, but from time to time they splash it out on the Internet. The reason is clear, because the World Wide Web is an anonymous environment. But these are personal problems of those people who have nothing to do with you. Therefore, save your energy, you will need it for more important things.

Video about ways to deal with boors

Lena Kaspirkevich

Guys, we put our soul into the site. Thank you for that
that you are discovering this beauty. Thanks for the inspiration and goosebumps.
Join us on Facebook And VKontakte

8 simple techniques to combat rudeness.

In France there is a phrase “l’esprit d’escalier” - “wit on the stairs” - a situation in which the right words It was too late to answer your interlocutor, when you had already left the room and went to the stairs. It’s especially offensive if there is no timely response to someone’s unexpected boorish attack - the impudence of a rude person is often completely confusing.

How to avoid unpleasant consequences boorish attitude? You can, of course, answer “I’m a fool myself” or remain proudly silent, but website invites you to arm yourself better. We've selected eight methods to help you protect your precious sanity.

How to react correctly?

You've probably noticed that almost no one is rude to some people, while others constantly get "under attack"? Many boors have remarkable intuition and observation skills. They choose their victims according to the principle of strength and weakness: “This one has a sharp tongue, it’s better not to mess with him, but you can deal with this one. He’ll probably say something absurd in response.”

The last category includes people with low self-esteem, overly cultured and educated people, people with an increased sense of guilt, who are afraid of accidentally offending someone else, as well as people who avoid conflicts and conflict situations.

Before getting into fights with offenders, you need to work on your self-esteem, self-confidence and inner strength. After all, it is almost impossible for a strong person to be rude.

Politeness

Boors are cowards, they are not used to frankness and calmness. They need to piss you off, don't give them such joy. The main thing is to find golden mean in how to answer: the tone should be calm, there is no need to apologize or mock.

For example, someone climbs, pushing, out of turn:

“Of course, of course. Come in, have a nice day."

Another example of a polite response:

Bus conductor:“Why are you giving me 500 rubles? I don't have any change! I’ll drop you off now!”
Passenger(in a serious but calm tone): “I have a long way to go. I would be very grateful if you can change the bill.”

Alienation

If you often have to deal with boorish people - for example at work, then the best method there will be cold politeness and immediate termination of the conversation as soon as it goes beyond acceptable limits. For example:

“Sorry, I have a lot of work right now and don’t have time to listen to you.”
"Sorry, but similar questions you’d better approach your boss (a specialist, another employee, etc.), because I have clear instructions not to talk about this (this is not in my competence, I don’t do this anymore, etc.)”

Psychological Aikido

The essence of psychological aikido is to use his own strength against the enemy. Let's remember good soldier Schweik, who, as you know, did not respond to the insults of those who offended him, but... agreed with them. “Schweik, you are an idiot!” they told him. And he immediately answered: “Yes, I’m an idiot!” - and remained the absolute winner in the verbal “battle” from the first second.

Imagine this dialogue:

- When will you learn to park? What a fool you are!
- You're right, I'll never learn to park because I'm a fool.

Or another example:

“What did you say? Am I a lousy intellectual? Yes, I really am a lousy intellectual. If you don’t want to catch the infection, stay away.”

Humor

When a person wants to say something bad, he takes in air into his lungs. If you make him laugh at this moment, he will relax. Accompany your joke with a smile, you can even praise your opponent.

The secretary came to the director during a meeting to bring tea. But she failed. Her heel caught on the carpet and she slammed to the floor, knocking over all the cups. Seeing the director’s face turning purple with anger, the secretary blurted out: “You are so stunning!” Everyone in the room immediately laughed.

Boringness

This method is suitable for administrators of forums, groups on social networks, etc. It is known that many community members, knowing full well general rules, deliberately violate them, and then blow up the administrators’ personal accounts, expressing sincere disagreement with the fact that they were added to the ban list. When the arguments end, the rudeness begins.

Of course, you can ban a dissatisfied person in a personal message, but if you need to defend what’s right, try, without emotion, to describe in detail all the flaws of the offender. At first the interlocutor will let off steam in the hope of having fun, but when faced with dry official language, he will get bored and fall behind.

Participant:“Why was I banned? This is arbitrariness! Then write on the page: “We do what we want, we ban whoever we want!”
Administrator:“You violated paragraph 2 of such and such’s rules. You have been banned for two weeks in accordance with the forum rules."
Participant:“I didn’t break anything and my photos are normal! You’re the one nitpicking there, you don’t understand anything about photographs, so don’t interfere!”
Administrator:“For insulting the administration, your ban will be extended for another two weeks.”

Caring for a hedgehog

Imagine a hedgehog that released its thorns out of fear. On the one hand, the hedgehog is angry and prickly, and on the other, small and scared. As soon as you take care of him, he will soften, hide his thorns and puff contentedly, drinking milk from a saucer.

So it is with the offender. Take a condescending and compassionate position. Praise him, give him a friendly pat on the shoulder, give in, let him win a game or two, wish him all the most beautiful things that exist in this world. After all, it’s not at all difficult to do. Having calmed down, the offender will no longer be afraid of you and, most likely, will understand that in addition to hostile competition, there is peaceful coexistence and partnership.

Ignoring

The general method for all causes of rudeness is “Ignoring”. After all, sometimes being silent is good, safe and... beautiful. If you do not need anything from the offender, you are not psychologically ready to engage in a fight with him, or your offender, as it seems to you, is psychologically unhealthy, dangerous to life and health - use the “Ignoring” method.

No wonder folk wisdom says: “the fool shouts, but the wise man is silent”, “of the two arguing, the one who is smarter is wrong.” Boors always strive to win your attention, but they need to somehow feed on your energy. And therefore, the usual ignoring for them is one of the worst punishments.

It is important to note: ignoring must be correct. Without an offensive look or sad sighs. A boor should not mistake your ignorance for swallowing an insult, inability to respond or forgiveness. There shouldn't be any emotions. Offender for you - empty space. You are happy successful person who has no time to notice such nonsense.

Effective responses to rudeness

If you can’t remain silent, try to answer in an original and apt manner:

"This is all?" or “So what?”
"I had a better opinion of you"
“Rudeness suits no one, least of all you,”
“Should I answer politely or tell you the truth?”
“Why do you always try to look worse than you really are?”
“Thank you for being so attentive to my person,”
“Do you want to offend me? What's the point?