What happens to us when we feel resentment? To put it bluntly, we are slowing down. We fall into a stupor, stop developing and live our lives in vain. Moreover, if there is no work with resentment, it can change our life scenario - from positive to negative.
How they live ordinary people? They suffer, they love, they rejoice, they are sad. Are experiencing different human feelings, characteristic of them from birth.
But not all of these feelings are constructive. For example, there is one among them that greatly spoils life - both for the “feeling” people themselves and for their loved ones. It can be classified as a kind of inability. This is the inability to forgive insults.
Where does this feeling come from? Sometimes it seems that from the moment a person is born. Because from my early childhood he endures not bright happy pictures, but moments of suffering stretched out for eternity.
For example, one is already adult girl Instead of joyful moments of childhood, she remembers how she once suffered because her mother was late for kindergarten and picked her up later than the others. Perhaps some other children at this moment would have feared that he was abandoned. Instead, she had a resentment that she couldn’t get rid of until adulthood.
Another girl could suffer when her beloved teacher sat her pretty pupil Katenka on her lap and exclaimed how beautiful and well-behaved she was. Other children ran nearby, not noticing either the teacher or Katenka. And that touchy girl was offended. And I also remembered this petty offense all my life.
Forgiving an offense is difficult even in adulthood, let alone in childhood. And there can be a lot of such moments in the life of every person suffering from grievances. They hurt so much that you remember almost all of them in the smallest detail.
Or maybe you know how not to react to insults? And you never get offended by people? Well, lucky guy, then welcome to the mind touchy person: I will show you what happens in his sense of self at the moment of offense.
A person who is accustomed to being offended does not necessarily cherish his grievances or remember them on purpose - on the contrary, he wants to forget with all his might. And he strives to find out how to learn to forgive an insult so as not to be tormented by empty memories. But this emotion, devouring from within, is stronger than all desires. She doesn’t ask whether you want to experience her or not - she just covers you with a wave, and you can’t resist it. Something begins to pulsate in my head, logical thinking turns off, and inside, like a giant cancerous tumor, the feeling grows that I was not appreciated, disliked, not noticed, not heard. All this causes almost physical pain.
In addition, at the moment of offense, a person can feel how the world around him seems to begin to change: shrink where he is, and convexly expand where THEY (the offenders) are.
What does he feel at this moment? It seems to him that with their words or actions they trampled him, flattening his sense of self to a micropoint. And they inflated themselves to exorbitant proportions. Yes, they... they asserted themselves at his expense, that’s what!
The offenders say: “Stop being offended! Why are you like a little child?”, “Don’t know how to forgive insults? Just take it and stop sulking.”
Oh, if it were so simple - just turn off this “feature”, then everyone would have done it a long time ago. "But I can not! - the offended man cries in despair. “I can’t forgive the offense and stop its occurrence, and that’s all!”
And it is true. After all, it interferes with living, loving, working, and finally developing. Having settled in his soul, she turns him into a touchy “slow”, who for days on end can only think about this insult, chewing in his thoughts the smallest sensations on the topic “how it was” and “what will I do with them for this”, thereby throwing more and more wood into the fire of resentment. Then how could this time be spent usefully?
Apparently, the time has come to look for answers in the science of human behavior and its causes. Psychology must know how to forgive an offense. Otherwise, what else is it needed for?
HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEVANCE: WHAT PSYCHOLOGISTS ADVISE
Traditional psychology equates resentment with negative emotions. Which need to be fought. There are several ways to do this (if you don’t take dubious methods in the form of hypnosis, meditation, and the like): satisfying emotions, restraining, switching, and, finally, chemicals.
How to forgive an offense by satisfying emotions? If we consider resentment as a reaction to unfair treatment, then the satisfaction should be the restoration of this very justice. But how to restore it? If in anger you want to hit, and a punching bag is suitable for this purpose, then nothing will come of it with offense: you won’t be able to come up and kick another girl off the lap of your favorite teacher in order to sit on them yourself. In addition, our grievances are not always adequate: it may only seem to us that they wanted to offend us, but then, after mature reflection, we understand what we imagined.
How to deal with resentment through containment? Swallow something that is so difficult to swallow. Pouting “in a rag.” Huddle on the sidelines.
It has long been known that holding back emotions does not lead to anything good. In the case of resentment, this is especially true: swallowing resentment after resentment, we accumulate within ourselves something that is not utilized, but grows, expands and multiplies. And one day it certainly breaks through with a powerful verbal eruption: when the offender has already forgotten to think about what he once said, a stream of reproaches falls on him, because of which the relationship deteriorates more than if it had been clarified at the first misunderstanding.
Switching. How to let go of resentment using this method? From the outside it may seem that switching is really a good way to forget an insult: I got carried away interesting thing, occupied his head with others - and that’s it, the resentment was gone. But no. This method only works with those who do not know real grievances, do not know this difficult feeling that does not go away at the snap of a finger. I described above what it is, do you understand, yes, that switching won’t work here?
Chemicals. How to survive an insult with the help of tranquilizers? Tranquilizers inhibit perception processes negative emotions. However, they do not work to get rid of the offense: the emotion weakens, but the thought that “I was offended” remains. It remains as a statement of fact. When the “chemistry” stops working, the resentment is restored and secretly seeks a reason to manifest itself.
Is it too much to try to turn off natural human emotion with chemicals? We, those who are touchy, are not mutants, so that we should try to “amputate” an unnecessary feeling.
By the way, is it really not necessary? There is nothing superfluous in nature. And if we experience this feeling, does that mean we need it? How to figure this out?
I won’t torment you any longer: all the answers to these questions are given by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. It also allows anyone to learn how to overcome resentment, even the most old one.
EFFECTIVELY WORKING WITH RESULTS
Remember I talked about subjective feeling grievances? About the fact that the world is at the moment of inflicting cruel mental wounds as if it is twisting, trying to mentally destroy? It’s amazing, but everything is true: resentment arises only among those people for whom more important and balanced concepts than justice, honesty, and straightforwardness do not exist.
The balance in space is disturbed for them if, in their opinion (and it is always significant for them), injustice has been shown to them. They didn’t appreciate it the way others did, they didn’t say what others wanted (and they deserved it!!!), they didn’t give what they gave others. Or they said something so nasty that they didn’t say to others... In general, they upset the balance and caused a serious offense, which will be very difficult to overcome.
Why and why are these people so touchy? Nature has endowed them with a special type of thinking, thanks to which they can process huge layers of information, sorting it by different signs still in the process of development. Tendency to systematize strict order, impartiality, equality - these are the categories of thinking of anal people that they carry into life.
Touchiness is a consequence of such thinking, “ by-effect", reaction to situations in which balance is disturbed.
So, you ask, are all representatives of the anal vector doomed to unsuccessfully struggle with resentment all their lives? And there is no remedy or way to get rid of this scourge, because of which families collapse, a good relationship, is your career going downhill?
In fact, this state is natural, but liberation from resentment must happen in childhood, when the child “outgrows” it, simply unlearning to be offended. What does it mean?
Ideally, the picture is like this. A child with an anal vector is very dependent on his mother; he expects manifestations of love and praise from her. A sensitive mother sees this and understands, so she praises the child for his work and supports him in his endeavors, instilling self-confidence in the child. Touchiness does not bother the baby if his anal vector develops in accordance with his needs, if he learns to give without expecting anything in return, and not to take for granted. Having become, he no longer suffers from bouts of resentment, which is essentially a manifestation of selfishness, lack of development and fulfillment in the family and society.
However, very few people have an ideal childhood, and in the end we all suffer from our grievances in one way or another. Unloved, offended by parents and fate.
Who is stopping us from removing the grudge? mature age? Developing and realizing in the same way as the child in the example? Yes, time is lost, the years of character development are gone, but for adults everything is real. The only thing that hinders us is the lack of knowledge of exactly how to do this.
Why can't we let go of the grudge in peace and move on? Because they are endowed with a very good memory, as well as the property-desire to often turn to the past. These are necessary qualities for full implementation in society, but they also play a cruel joke on us: we remember in detail the slightest offense and we love to spend a long time replaying in our heads the details of bygone days.
So, I remember very well how my childhood skin-visual friends “offended” me by distributing roles in a children’s game and giving me some role, in my opinion, inconspicuous and insignificant - compared to theirs. And you may remember something else that is no less important to you.
What happens to us when we feel resentment? To put it bluntly, we are slowing down. We fall into a stupor, stop developing and... Moreover, if there is no work with resentment, it can change our life scenario - from positive to negative.
Here is a man, potentially a professional in his field and a wonderful husband, who becomes a loser without a family and children, instead interesting interlocutor he turns into a gloomy beech, driven in this life only by the idea of vengeance, and maybe by someone even worse... This serious condition obscures everything, bringing to the fore the opposition “I’m right” and “they’re wrong.”
HOW TO GET RID OF RESULTS ONCE AND FOR ALL?
So how can an adult overcome resentment? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan teaches us to understand our mental characteristics, to see the reasons for our own resentment, to recognize in it not only resentment as such, but also a whole bunch of other states.
This understanding allows you to deal with your past, your “hooks” and “anchors” that do not allow you to enjoy life and breathe deeply. For anyone who has undergone training, resentment is not just an unfortunate hereditary trait, a weakness, or a unique character trait. Resentment is a transformation into a pillar of salt, stupor, inhibition, NOT life without development and the joy of being.
Plunging into system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan, you understand what to do with your husband, child, boss or close friend: take away your right to be offended. And turn to your past not for a retrograde search for another grievance, but for your own realization.
How to forget past grievances and look to a bright future, rather than remembering the dark past? Start with awareness mental characteristics- not only our own, but also strangers. For what? At a minimum, so that, realizing why other people are used to “offending” you, you look differently at situations in which you were previously offended.
The deeper you dive into this knowledge, the less offended you become and the more you understand how to let go of feelings of resentment. Instead of a state that sets you back in development, you find your unique realization, establish relationships with your family, and see your purpose in life. What could be more important than this?
The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»Resentment is something that haunts every person almost every day. All people are constantly offended by someone or offend someone. However, everyone is already so accustomed to considering offense as something everyday that they do not notice the damage it causes to each of the participants. It can have serious consequences in the future, so you should think about how to deal with the resentment. After all, it depends on you how strongly this or that incident will affect your psyche. And if you just can’t overcome the feelings gnawing at you on your own, this article will offer you several ways to deal with resentment. Explore them, choose the ones that suit you best, try them separately or in combinations. After all, it is very important to learn how to cope with resentment. Pretty quickly you will realize that your life is much better without her.
Resentment: how to deal with it
So, in this article you will learn how to deal with resentment. However, to do this, you need to understand what it is and why it manifests itself. Resentment is the feeling a person experiences when someone has said or done something unpleasant to him. However, it has differences from anger and other manifestations of negative emotions. Most often it is hidden, that is, a person feels that he is unpleasant, but does not tell about it to the person who offended him. This is precisely why problems arise. The fact is that grievances tend to accumulate, and even more dangerous property- grow. If someone has offended you, then it is best to resolve the situation as soon as possible, because the more the offense “ripens” inside you, the worse it will be for you. The person who gave you this unpleasant feeling may not even know about it. But at the same time, you have already gone through hundreds of situations in your head and inflated your resentment to unprecedented proportions. Although it could all start with any little thing.
The whole point is that resentment is a manifestation inner child inside each person. You may be twenty-five or fifty years old, but deep down you still have a part of your childish ego. And because of this, an irrational reaction to a person’s statement or action occurs. Resentment lies inside a person and does not come out. And this can cause serious damage to your mental health. If you accumulate grievances and do not learn to cope with them, this can seriously affect your condition. This is why you need to learn how to deal with resentment. And this article will help you with this.
Talk
The first thing you need to understand if you want to know how to deal with feelings of resentment is that the person who hurt you is not a mind reader. Often he has no way of knowing that you didn't like what he said or did. Therefore, first of all, you need to try to suppress the childish ego at least a little in order to make room for rational thinking. How can a person feel guilty if he does not know that he is being blamed? Naturally, he will not come to you because he has no idea that he should do this. Therefore, you should definitely talk to this person. Tell him that you were offended by a specific remark or behavior of his. In most cases this works flawlessly. The person who offended you, if you approach him calmly and not with direct accusations, will also look at the situation from a rational point of view and understand what exactly he did wrong. This the simplest way how to cope with resentment towards a person. However, there are other methods that some may find more convenient or effective. They can also be used when the first method did not work.
Forgiveness
Many women wonder how to cope with resentment towards a man. After all, if you are in a relationship, then, most likely, the first method does not always work - you know each other too well for one of you to remain in the dark about the fact that he offended his partner. This method, which will be described now, is not only suitable for this case - you can use it in any situation in life. Its essence lies in the simplest forgiveness. When you are offended by a person, you mainly harm only yourself, so you should learn to forgive offenses without the participation of the other party. Instead of holding a grudge inside, forgive the person who offended you. Naturally, if he continues to do this further, then other actions will have to be taken, but if this is an isolated case, forgiveness may become the best option. So, if you are wondering how to cope, you should definitely try to simply forgive him, since you must not forget that he is the closest person in the world to you.
Lesson
If you're wondering how to deal with resentment and anger, then you most likely haven't tried to look a little deeper inside yourself. Often, even something positive can be learned from an insult. If you have been wronged, you can ease your suffering by engaging in self-reflection. Think about what caused these strong feelings. Most likely, the person offended you for something that is very relevant to you - what is it? Think about it and try to draw conclusions from it. As you can see, you can take something positive out of any situation that can help you in your future life.
Understanding
When you think about how to deal with bad mood, irritation, resentment, you most often think only about yourself. This is a completely normal trait for a person, but sometimes it is worth looking a little further than your own self. Almost always, an insult is perceived as a personal insult, and rare people they immediately begin to think logically and assume that the problem may not be about them at all. Sometimes someone may offend you by accident because something happened in their family or some important plans for them fell through. And you just fell under the hot hand. Therefore, you should not harbor a grudge, because in a few hours a person may already return to normal and forget about how he told you something, and you will still be offended by him. Try to understand the people around you, as often you will find yourself in their shoes and you will most likely want to be understood, and not immediately judged harshly.
Analysis
This paragraph is a kind of combination of some of the previous ones, since it will ask you to analyze the situation. If you want to learn how to deal with resentment and negative emotions, you need to think soberly and not give in to the manifestations of intense feelings. Analyze the situation: if you were offended by a stranger whom you will most likely never meet again, then you should not think about this offense at all. Forget about her and never remember so that she does not interfere with your life. If the offense was caused by someone close and this is not the first time, then you will have to use other measures. Just remember that in this situation, your main weapon is a calm conversation, and not harsh accusations.
Expectations
It often happens that resentment arises because a person simply did not live up to your expectations. You implied that he would act in a certain way, since you are friends, colleagues, relatives, etc., but he acted completely differently, and for this you are offended by him. If you soberly look at this situation from the outside, you will understand that it is stupid and irrational. It has already been written above that no one is able to read your thoughts, so you should either make them public or not demand that a person do something that he does not consider necessary. If you think your friend should have helped you in specific situation, tell him about it, or just forget and don’t expect from him what he didn’t and doesn’t intend to do.
NLP
There is such a technique as neurolinguistic programming, abbreviated as NLP. With its help, the most difficult problems are often solved complex problems that arise in people, and it also allows you to cope with grievances. One of the most bright examples- this is burning a sheet of grievances. You need to write down on a piece of paper all the insults that a person has caused you, throw out all your emotions on paper, and then burn this sheet, imagining how they burn in the fire. This looks quite strange, but in reality it turns out to be extremely effective method. You program yourself for your own happiness, and listing grievances and burning a leaf is just a symbol that allows you to convince yourself as simply as possible that you are the master of your own happiness.
Another option
IN Lately NLP is becoming increasingly popular, so this article will present another method that relates to this technique. You need to write on paper the name of your offender and what exactly he did to you. After this, you need to write that you are for him. Repeat this several dozen times a day until your resentment goes away due to the fact that you program yourself for forgiveness by constant repetition of the action. Naturally, this approach should only be used if you are unable to forgive a person without any outside help.
Letting off steam
Well, another option that will allow you to forget the insult and cheer yourself up is to let off steam. If you have it good, if not, take a pillow or something similar. Well, then everyone understands what needs to be done: imagine that this is your offender, and let off steam on him. Naturally, this approach is recommended for use with strangers or not the closest people, such as, for example, a boss, and not a mother or husband.
For the psychological portal www.psynavigator.ru
In Russian (according to Ushakov), the word “resentment” means unfairly caused grief, insult, as well as the feeling caused by it. What’s interesting is that in ancient times this word was synonymous with a slap or a slap in the face, when you were not hit hard, but just casually touched. There is no wound or bruise, but the experience is much more painful than if you had been beaten. Any high expectations are always fraught with deep resentment for a person.
Let's say you are doing something for someone else and have your own assumption about how he must relate to this. And suddenly surprise- he reacts completely differently than you would like. The feeling that you have been underestimated causes an acrid feeling of bitterness. Every person has probably experienced this more than once or twice in their life. Resentment always contains a specific threat to our positive self-image - self-perception and self-esteem. In this case, the train of thought is extremely simple: “I don’t deserve this. I’m better than they think about me.” If a person is very worried, considering himself offended, it is obvious that a very important string of his soul has been touched. And everything that is significant to us is also vulnerable. You can't offend someone with something that's unimportant. And most often, resentment is not explained rationally, it is simply experienced emotionally. And the problem is not what is being experienced, but what is being experienced unconstructively, because in most cases the offense never goes beyond the boundaries negative emotions. It overshadows logic, instills doubts and self-doubt, and often embitters the offended person against others. A person ceases to adequately test reality, the picture of the world is greatly distorted, existence begins to be painted in dark colors.
What to do, how and where to look for a way out? Here are some of the express methods:
1. It is necessary to talk about the problem, translate it from the language of emotions into the language of logic. Mentally answer the question: why exactly does this offend me? Perhaps you will finally find out what is important to you in life. If you have a true friend or girlfriend who is ready to understand and listen, open up to them. This way you will not only remove mental stress, perhaps they will help you admit to yourself what you really didn’t want to admit in private.
2. A good way to “get over” a grudge is to write a letter to an old friend or keep a diary. The need to express your thoughts clearly and honestly will quickly force you to understand yourself. And perhaps the resentment that has managed to grow into a problem will not be so significant that you would waste time and energy on it.
3. If there is no one nearby true friend, there is no one to write to, but you need to talk it out, dial the “helpline”. WITH stranger(for example, with a fellow passenger) it is much easier to communicate more frankly than with loved ones, and this helps to quickly understand the current situation.
4. Don’t make decisions right away, in a hurry. Better take some time out indefinite time, postponing the “disassembly” until next day, and go to bed. Tell yourself like the heroine of a novel" gone With the Wind": "I'll think about it tomorrow."
5. Laugh more often and engage with your “I”, look inside yourself every day, and not just during a “shipwreck”. Regularly challenge yourself with questions: what is meaningful to me and what is not? Look at the world respectfully - but not timidly, seriously - but with a smile. Be in in a good way self-sufficient. Instead of holding a grudge against the world, smile at it. Do you know how I treated the world, and therefore people, alone? self-sufficient person- Socrates? “My enemies can kill me, but they cannot insult me.”
6. If you cannot unravel the tangle of grievances, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. Sometimes only at the third or fourth step does it become clear to a person root cause grievances. And this is necessary in order not to be offended in the future.
If you are serious about your self-development, you need to learn the following skills:
First, we must learn to build relationships with others, giving up unrealistic expectations. That is, I will not be mistaken in predicting the behavior of another if I do not expect anything from him. It is clear that this is ideal, but reduce personal level Everyone is capable of expectations.
Secondly, there will be no offense if I do not, as much as possible, associate the satisfaction of any of my needs with the behavior of another. That is, to be grateful to another for something done for me, but at the same time not consider him obligated to do this something for me. After all, maturity presupposes, among other things, self-reliance and gratitude for any help from others.
Third, you must refuse to judge the behavior of others. That is, stop comparing the observed behavior of another with your expectations. This is observance of the well-known covenant “judge not, lest ye be judged...”
And then everyone will be able to say to themselves: “It is impossible to offend me precisely because I accept myself and others as they are.”
Resentment causes pain and prevents you from enjoying life. How to overcome it?
Each of us has faced problems and betrayal. How to make sure that past conflicts and quarrels do not interfere with enjoying life? How to forgive grievances?
How does resentment affect health? Resentment against men and women's health
The feeling of resentment brings with it anger, protest and even a feeling of guilt for not being able to stand up for yourself. These emotions destroy the energy field, the invisible protective shell around the body. Because of this, the immune system weakens. Negative emotions cause muscle spasms. Because of it, the heart begins to ache and blood circulation is disrupted.
How to learn to forgive people?
Answer the question: “How often do I get offended?”
If your answer is “often”, you are most likely very emotional person. Remember past grievances. Perhaps there is a specific topic whose discussion evokes such emotions in you? If you find it difficult to answer, keep a diary. Write down your feelings and those situations in which you felt offended. If unpleasant topics found, decide what to do. You can avoid them in conversations. But it’s better to prepare an accurate and decisive answer in advance. You will repel their offense. And when you remember the conversation, you will not feel humiliated.
How to forgive a person and free yourself from grievances?
How do you feel after being hurt? Does a pleasant feeling of rightness arise in your soul? Strange joy? Confidence that the offender must deserve forgiveness? Then you use your resentment as a way to manipulate the person. After all, most people, thinking that they have offended someone, feel guilty. And I want to get rid of it as quickly as possible. Therefore, the offended person is told sweet words, they apologize to him, they give him gifts. All this is true good way restore relationships. But only if a person does not deliberately try to create a feeling of resentment.
This behavior has many disadvantages. Firstly, people soon stop paying attention to the touchy person. Secondly, the person you are trying to manipulate can sense it. And then he will either avoid communicating with you or internally isolate himself from you. Thirdly, resentment can become your habit. And then you will regularly have to experience all the unpleasant feelings associated with it.
IMPORTANT: Another reason for touchiness is too high requirements to other people.
How to forgive an offense and let go?
If you constantly expect from others special treatment to yourself, you will most likely be disappointed. There is an exit. Learn to love and respect yourself. Then you won't need the approval of others to feel good about yourself.
Even a kind person can be offended, outgoing person. In this case, the cause of the offense is betrayal or causeless insult. What to do then? There are a few good techniques to help.
- "Heart Chakra"
This chakra is responsible for love. Therefore, when you are offended, it reflects negatively on her.
IMPORTANT: To cope with resentment, love yourself.
After all, a person who respects and values himself is invulnerable. The heart chakra will help you do this. To awaken its power, wear clothes or jewelry with green, pink or gold stones. Go to the cinema and theater, engage in creativity.
- "Water"
Do deep breath and turn your head to the left. Continuing to inhale, return your head to the starting position. Breathing deeply, look straight ahead. Imagine the events you want to forgive. Let the air you exhale wash away unpleasant events like water. At the same time, exhale sharply and turn your head to the right. Repeat the exercise three times for each situation.
How to forgive and let go of a loved one?
The meaning of this technique is as follows. Left-hand side means the past, and the right is the future. You let go of grievances and free up your future for joy.
You can record this exercise on a voice recorder so you don't have to learn it by heart.
- "Offender = lamppost"
Do you often see the person who offended you? Adopt the following technique. Its essence is to minimize emotions towards the offender.
Imagine a series of ordinary things that do not evoke any feelings in you. For example: a lamppost, a trash can, a manhole, a bush, etc. Let among these objects be the image of the offender. Scroll this series in your head several times. Try to make the image of the offender evoke as much emotion in you as a lamppost or a bush. At the end of the exercise, say three times: “I treat (Name of the offender) as an object. I don’t care about (offender’s name).”
- "Affirmations"
You will need an hour of free time. Turn off your mobile and computer. Relax. Light a candle with a pleasant aroma. Now, remember the most strong grievances and the names of those who offended you. For each situation, repeat the following statement:
I give myself a gift - I free myself from the past and joyfully accept the present.
My heart is open. Through forgiveness I understand love.
Today I listen to my feelings, I am in harmony with myself. I know that my feelings are my friends.
The past is left behind. Currently creates my future.
All the changes that are coming in my life are only positive. I'm safe.
I forgive (Person's name) and let him go.
I surrender and release back to the source all the foreign energy left in my physical and spiritual bodies.
Video: How to forgive an offense?
Video: Alexander Sviyash: Effective forgiveness
How do you understand that you have forgiven a person?
IMPORTANT: Repeat affirmations and techniques until you feel joy and relief.
Before this, you may feel pain or aches in your body. In that case, don't stop. Keep repeating the affirmations. You will definitely feel better. First, something sticky and heavy will slide off you. Then it will become easier for you to breathe. Your throat, then your head and the rest of your body will release. You will feel lightness and warmth.
How to forgive betrayal, betrayal of a loved one?
IMPORTANT: Don't focus on revenge.
Better focus on making you feel good. Make the situation with the offender insignificant to you.
To do this, take care of yourself, find a new hobby. Believe that the next man will be much better than the former. Remember, the offender will still know about your successes and will regret it.
Read motivational tales by Irina Syomina on the topic of love and forgiveness. The fairy tales “I will not forgive”, “About the insult to Pereterovna”, “Amorous affairs” and others will suit you.
Wear rose quartz jewelry around your neck. He will help you love yourself again and start a new relationship with a worthy man without fear.
Video: Ex-partner: how to forgive, let go and create space for a new relationship
Video: How to forgive your husband?
How to forgive a person in your soul?
Start with gratitude.
IMPORTANT: Gratitude is the ability to learn lessons from any life situation.
Find the positives in what happened. Think that resentment is a great incentive to learn to forgive. And forgiveness will make you spiritually stronger and happier, etc.
Be prepared for the fact that it won't work out right away. It will take time for you to get used to the new way of thinking. Do you want the process to go faster? Read books about people who knew how to be happy even in difficult situations. One of them is Pollyanna, the heroine of Elinor Porter's books.
Fairytale therapy will help you. This is the direction in practical psychology. Read and think about stories about gratitude. For example, “My Bug-Eyed Happiness” by Irina Syomina.
Make fun of yourself. Try to imagine what happened from a comical point of view. Did the offender hurt you by reminding you of some of your weaknesses? Then mentally bring your shortcoming to the point of absurdity. Laugh at him heartily. After all, the healing power of laughter is enormous! By learning to joke with yourself, you yourself will become invulnerable to offense. Then you will automatically forgive the person.
Video: How to forgive an offense in the soul?
How to tell a person that you forgive?
How to tell a person that you have forgiven? Is it necessary to do this? No. He will guess by your behavior. He will feel that you are no longer angry with him.
What if you don't communicate now? Depends on the situation.
- First case.
You analyzed what happened soberly. We realized that you don’t want to continue communication. Then do not tell your former abuser about your decision. There is no reason to renew contact.
- Second case
The person is dear to you. You want to make peace. Then it is necessary to say.
Try to make the forgiveness sincere. Don’t hide your resentment behind a forced smile or insincere wishes for happiness and health. Better be honest with yourself. Understand once and for all: forgiveness is The best decision for you and your health.
Video: training Resentment towards men and women's health
Video: How to get rid of resentment and learn to forgive?
