How to learn to control your diet. How to learn to restrain emotions - advice from a psychologist, practical recommendations

The first rule of upbringing says: a parent who considers himself an unhappy person will never be able to make his child happy, no matter how hard he tries. He will study psychological literature, shower your child with gifts, hire the most the best teachers or arrange Spartan conditions for survival, but all this will be ineffective, and the would-be parent will never lift the curtain on the secret of how to properly raise children. Because the roots of a tree are treated, not the fruits, that is, you need to start with yourself.

Frequently asked questions about proper parenting

I'm doing just fine! Child's problems

If you feel unfulfilled, if you live a life that you would not wish for your child, then what good is it? Very often, psychologists have to deal with a situation where parents suppress their child, forcing them to be better, run ahead of the locomotive and constantly improve their abilities. It would seem, what's wrong? This will be useful to him in the future. In fact, as soon as the child turns eighteen, the tensioned spring will burst and lead him into reverse side. Because he himself must come to the desire to grow above himself, and not try, because dad will throw in the belt.

Okay, you say: “What about families where one child is smart, an athlete and a medalist, and the other is a complete loser? Education is the same!” But the fact is that the second one needed more love, but the parents did not notice this. After all, every child is a personality, each has his own inclinations, his own character. It is important to discern this, support and guide in time. Not just making sure he is fed and goes to bed at 9, but educating him.

What about school? We tried everything, but he still lags behind

The problem with the school is that it emphasizes mathematics and literature instead of practical skills that would actually be useful to children in life. Decide for yourself what will help your child more: knowledge of Shakespeare, trigonometric equations or the ability to build relationships with peers, present yourself correctly, solve problems independently and manage time? To achieve success in life, big brains not necessary, it is important to know your strengths and be able to present them correctly, to find your “buyer”.

Now look at school system. The child is fixated on grades, trying to master a program that has long exceeded his capabilities, but does not know himself, his desires and life laws. He will leave school stuffed with the most varied and, essentially, useless information, completely not knowing how to live now. And that’s the catch! Parents should not scold for bad marks, but look for talents in little man, inspire him for their development.

Well, if you completely got away with it, now you can’t punish it?

It is possible and sometimes even necessary to punish children only by separating the child’s personality and the bad deed committed by him. For example, he promised you to clean the house and learn his homework when you arrived, but he did nothing of this, being carried away by playing Xbox. At this moment, it is important to maintain composure so as not to attack him with slaps on the head and not yell good obscenities, saying that nothing worthwhile will grow out of him. Just come up and pick up your favorite toy with a smile (Xbox, mobile phone, tablet), not forgetting to say: “I love you, but you did not fulfill our agreement, so I will confiscate this.” No hysterics or personal insults.

By the way, you should not use pocket money as an object of manipulation. There is no need to control what and where he releases them, this is his personal business. Why? Firstly, he must learn from childhood to manage his finances, this will help him in the future. Secondly, the child’s academic performance and behavior should not depend on your payments. Interest in study and work should come from within, and not because you pay for it.

Why can't you take care of your child?

Yes, many parents also have this fixed idea: to protect their child from all the problems and worries of this world while they are alive. How does this happen? They take control of the child's life, telling him how to think, dress, with whom to communicate, what to do and how to live. Overly protective parents impose their own life scenario and ambitions on the child, depriving them of their “I,” and pushing the child with their authority.

As a result, a person grows up infantile and does not know how to make decisions independently or solve problems. It is these children who subsequently fall most easily under bad influence bad companies, because they were not taught to think for themselves, they were not trusted, their opinions were not taken into account. And now the child went to look for something that was not given to him...

Less criticism and more love

Children develop by copying the behavior of their parents. What's the point of forbidding them to do things that you yourself systematically repeat? “Don’t swear!” - says the parent, and he himself swears like a shoemaker. “Drinking is harmful,” my alcoholic father teaches life. “Stop being lazy and start studying,” the mother reads to her son, lying on the sofa with a beer, while the grandmother carries family worries on her shoulders. And who will grow up later? Children don't need to be taught how to live, show them own example. Doesn't help? Look for the reason why you are doing something wrong.

Less criticism, do not insult his personality, but analyze his actions. Not “fool and mediocrity,” but “your action was illogical.” Not “who were you born to be so unlucky,” but “let me show you how to do it.”

Good parents always act in the interests of their child, even when punishing him or denying him something, deciding how to properly raise children at the level of intuition. The child should feel that he is loved, that he is surrounded by mature, strong and good people who are on his side no matter what happens. Only then will he grow up to be the envy of everyone else, and he will become happy!

For those who want to know how to raise a child correctly, psychologists recommend paying attention to the following points.

In order for a child to grow and develop correctly, parents need to create favorable conditions. Let's clarify what we are talking about.

1. For proper development a child vitally needs the love and care of his parents. When he does not feel them, the ground is created for the emergence of large quantity problems. It's about not only about behavioral deviations. It is quite possible that health problems will arise.
2. Sometimes it happens that parents love a child, but he does not feel it. Therefore, show your children your love: tell them how you feel, hug and kiss them, and show your love in other ways.
3. The child must feel that the parents' love is unconditional. This means that mom and dad will love him no matter what. No matter what crime the child commits, no matter what situation he finds himself in, his parents will never stop loving him and will always come to the rescue.
4. Love and accept the child for who he is, with all his shortcomings: overweight, inattentive, hyperactive, etc. Some parents begin to adjust the child to their ideal. And if this does not work out, they are disappointed. The child feels your disapproval, feels that they do not believe in him, that he did not live up to expectations. His self-esteem suffers from this, which, again, often leads to problems.
5. Support your child when necessary. Both the child and the teenager should feel that in a difficult situation they have someone to turn to for help and advice, that they will not find themselves alone with their troubles. The child should feel safe, under the protection of his parents.
6. Don't scare your child with scary stories. For example, if you tell your child that if bad behavior Baba Yaga will come and drag him into the forest, then the child understands it this way: firstly, the terrible old woman can enter the apartment at any moment, and secondly, the parents will allow Baba Yaga to drag him into her lair. This means you can’t trust your parents, they won’t protect you. The child no longer feels safe.
7. Take an interest in your child's life. Talk to him on different topics, and not just those that are interesting to you. Spend time together more often, doing mutually enjoyable things. Joint leisure time, filled with pleasant emotions, contributes to the emergence of friendly communication between parents and children.
8. Respect the child. Respectfully listen to his opinion on this or that issue, do not brush him off (“it’s too little for me to advise”, “don’t be smart”). Praise your child for even small achievements and successes. Otherwise, some parents live by the principle “you won’t get praise, but scolding is always welcome.” How, under such conditions, can a child develop good self-esteem? Do not offend your child with unfair words and actions. Don't use it on him physical strength. Don't yell at him.
9. If you want to teach your child something, then adopt this feature of attention: what is interesting to us is remembered by itself, without effort. You don't have to hammer it into your child. necessary knowledge and skills if you make your activities interesting for the baby.
10. Don't overuse notations. They are boring and uninteresting to the child. Better show me good example. Children take their parents' behavior as a model. For example, a son will imagine a man's life the way his father's life is. If dad lies on the couch after work, does nothing around the house, and returns home drunk from time to time, then the child will consider this behavior to be the norm and will most likely behave the same way in the future.
11. Educate yourself in the field of child psychology, for example, read literature for parents written for them by psychologists. Then you will not only notice and correct your mistakes in time, but also, for the future, familiarize yourself with the list possible problems and you will know in advance how to solve them. I recommend reading books for parents written by psychologist Ekaterina Murashova. They are easy and interesting to read and contain a lot useful information. If you are faced with difficulties in raising a child, then, most likely, it is in these books that you will find answers to your questions. The author describes the most common problems problems with which parents turn to psychologists, and gives recommendations on how to overcome them. Ekaterina Murashova also writes books for children.
12. IN difficult situations, and also in cases where your knowledge is not enough, you need to contact an appropriate specialist: a psychologist, psychotherapist, psychiatrist, neuropsychiatrist, etc. A psychologist is understandable, but what do doctors have to do with it? Despite the fact that problems in a child’s behavior are sometimes symptoms of mental and neurological diseases. It happens that parents put off visiting a doctor because of their fears and concerns. This is wrong. The disease will not resolve on its own, but it may get worse. In any case, the enemy (in in this case disease) you need to know in person. How earlier child If you get specialist help, the better.

Every parent should be aware of the degree of their responsibility in the important matter of raising children. You need to communicate with the child carefully, since every word and action of the parent matters. They can not only negatively affect the child’s development today, but also have unpleasant consequences in the future, in adulthood.

There are some differences in raising sons and daughters. If the topic interests you, read the article. Moms should read it too. Although the article was written for dads, mothers can also use many of the tips.

If you need advice from a psychologist or psychotherapist, then this is the place for you.

Comments

Elena (paid consultation):

Hello! I read the articles on your website and listened to videos about unloved children. It's scary... Because I have a 15-year-old daughter. For ten years, from 4 to 14, she was raised with a nanny. Now I began to feel how far my husband and I are from her, and she from us. Misunderstandings and mutual reproaches happen more often than we might expect. How to overcome this gap that is growing between us every day? Maybe it's not too late.

Elena Lostkova:

Hello, Elena. Yes, your situation is difficult. But it's never too late to change something. Give her your love, attention and respect at least now. Let her absorb as much of them as she can. Let your communication with your daughter be as little as possible. negative points and as many positive ones as possible. Talk to your daughter about topics that interest her (but don’t violate the boundaries she has set, don’t go where she doesn’t want you to go). Support her when she needs it (for example, she had a fight with a friend, is afraid of exams, etc.). Parental support is very important for any child. Without this support he does not feel protected. Praise her for small and great achievements(don't ignore them as if that's the way it should be). Sometimes praise just like that (“what a beautiful girl you are!”, etc.). This is necessary for the child to develop normal self-esteem. Make comments carefully, very correctly, so that your daughter feels that you want to help her, and not humiliate her, insult her, or show your power over her. As for your daughter’s responsibilities, try not to force her, but convince her of the need to do as she should. In case of some failures with your daughter, do not use phrases like “I told you so, but you did it your own way!” This is perceived by the child as gloating and once again makes him doubt your love for him. Let communication with you for the most part bring pleasure to your daughter, and not cause negativity. Go to the cinema, shopping, etc. Together, focus on the entertainment that interests your daughter. As much as possible, communicate with your daughter in a friendly manner, like a friend with a friend. Chat with her about pleasant trifles (about the movie you just watched together, about shopping together, etc.). Treat her tastes, hobbies, views, thoughts, etc. with respect and interest. Ask for her opinion on various issues. Let your daughter not have the feeling “mom is always unhappy with me, no matter what I do.” Let her have the feeling “mom loves and accepts me for who I am,” “mom will always support and help, no matter what I do.” One day, when you have a heart-to-heart talk with your daughter, tell her how much you regret that you paid little attention to her earlier. Be prepared for your daughter to take out her grievances on you. It is possible that this will be unpleasant for you. Listen to all her complaints without revealing your dissatisfaction. Where necessary, admit you are wrong. Where necessary, explain your point of view on some of the complaints (for example, you didn’t come to the school play because you didn’t let you go at work, you yourself were very upset about this, you would definitely come if you could, etc.). Use small ones to win your daughter's love. nice little things. For example, treats and the like, about which you can say “a small thing, but nice.” When she is sick, give her more attention (tea with raspberries, effervescent bags for colds, again, treats, etc.). Disease is good time demonstrate your care not in words, but in deeds. And of course, as in childhood, take pity and caress your child. Conclusion: when communicating with your daughter, strive for maximum positivity and minimum negativity.

Elena Lostkova:

Hello, Tatyana. I apologize in advance if I misunderstood your situation or your question. I answer as I understand.
First, you need to honestly admit to yourself that the child’s character is largely the result of your upbringing. Difficult children and teenagers are mostly children who have not received enough love and attention from their parents. They feel defenseless, unwanted and uninteresting. But outwardly they do not show their vulnerability in any way. On the contrary, they learn to defend themselves and fight back against aggressors (including parents). In all areas where the parents failed to educate, the child “filled the hole” with what he had. Hence all sorts of distortions in behavior. In addition, when there is a problem of dislike, it all starts with the parents. First they reject the child, then the child begins to push them away (up to a complete break in the relationship). The child may not be aware of the reasons why he treats his parents this way. But subconsciously he takes revenge on them for the fact that they once rejected him.
Secondly, during normal communication, people do not seek to offend each other (except occasionally). If a child is regularly rude to you and dissuades you, it means that not everything is going well with your communication. Think about how you communicate with the people you want to impress. good impression with whom you want to save good communication(for example, with a friend). You choose your words so as not to inadvertently offend, use a friendly intonation, choose interesting to the interlocutor topics. Unfortunately, many parents communicate with children like not the best bosses with subordinates. Such communication is not conducive good relationship. Build your relationship with your children on a friendly wave. Give them enough of your love and attention. When choosing joint entertainment and topics for conversation, focus on the interests of the children. Become your child's friend. This parenting strategy has many advantages. The parent-friend is not rude, his opinion is listened to. If a child has offended you in some way, you just need to explain to him that his words or actions greatly offend you. And the child will listen to your words. After all, he himself strives to maintain good communication. Good luck to you!

Christina:

Hello, my second girl is 1.9 months old; She doesn’t speak, although she understands everything, she only says ten words, she’s constantly hysterical, I don’t know what to do, maybe it’s her character and it’s growing out of it, or it’ll get even worse. Until she was a year old, she was very calm, now she is not afraid of anything from her neighbor, it is very difficult to explain something to her, we have a lot of educational toys, I try to study, but she is interested in almost nothing, will this go away or do we have problems? The eldest daughter is a year older, but on the contrary, she is interested in absolutely everything, at only three years old she is very well developed and knows a lot of things. I'm very worried about my little one...

• Marinka:

  Hello. I have two daughters over 11 years old, the youngest 7 years old litters more often. The older one doesn’t give in. Sometimes they raise their hands to each other. Both approach the stone and start plaguing. Older people who don’t love will share and are capricious. How to correct it, please take off your savetweet….

• Margarita (paid consultation):

  Hello. I am 21 years old. Daughters 2. I feel like an inexperienced, stupid mother. I constantly listen to other people’s advice, but I’m afraid to put it into practice. IN lately I feel like I'm losing control over the child. My daughter manipulates me and doesn’t listen. I am constantly confused and tired. Tell me what to do?

• Nata:

  Hello! Please help us. My sister is 13 years old. She becomes uncontrollable, lies, and is rude to both me and my parents. I got involved with a bad company from the class, what should I do? prohibit communication? but then she will be a recluse in class, and it’s scary to give permission, you don’t know what to expect. She started lying, they go to all sorts of construction sites, climb towers, and she tells us that they are walking in the park with the girls. (learned from her correspondence on the Internet). But what about the Internet? It seems to me that all the aggression is because of the Internet. Again, it’s a pity to ban, I don’t want her to be worse than others, to feel deprived. but in my opinion there is nothing good from this Internet. And one more question, our dad is very strict and doesn’t know anything about her tricks, we’re just scared to tell him something. We protect her, we don’t tell her. So that she doesn’t get it from him. Is this probably wrong?

• Aika (paid consultation):

  hello, I recently showed my child pictures of beggars and beggars and commented that if he doesn’t study, he will be like this, in order to live well, he needs to study well, he is 8 years old. Now I'm worried if I did the right thing

  • Elena Lostkova:

    Hello Aika. It’s good that you felt doubts about the correctness of your actions in this situation. This doesn’t even occur to many parents. The fact is that parents are significant adults for the child. This means he believes everything they say. The words and actions of the parents are deposited in his subconscious. Therefore, we can say that parents program the future of their child. Can you imagine what a terrible future you painted for him? And it is possible that he feels the hopelessness of the situation. Many children would like to study better, but do not know how to do this. It’s all simple for adults: you just need to push yourself to study and the problem will be solved. And for a child, the situation may seem hopeless. He wants to study better, but for some reason he can’t. You need to talk to your child (heart to heart, in an amicable, friendly way) and try to find out the reason poor academic performance(or unwillingness to learn). May not get along with the teacher or with peers. Or is there some other reason. Problems need to be identified and HELP the child solve them (for example, hire a tutor, work with the child yourself, etc.) While talking with the child, offer him your help, tell him that if he has any problems of any nature, he should contact you . That you will always try to help him solve any problem. It seems to us that there is no need to talk about this, it goes without saying. But in fact, children very often do not tell their parents about their problems. And they cannot solve them on their own, since some of them are too difficult even for adults. I also want to say about the future that we picture for our children. You cannot create such an image of him. All people do only what is “necessary”, what is “right”. But what is interesting, what you want, cannot be done (such people find themselves on the sidelines of life). All “normal” people don’t want to, but through “I don’t want” they go to school; at the institute they master not the specialty they want, but the one they “need”; They don’t work in a job that is interesting, but in a job that they don’t like, but which brings money. And the child is given the opportunity to choose only from these two options for action: “right” and “wrong.” The “correct” thing makes you want to hang yourself. And the “wrong” one leads to collapse. Tough choice, right? Would a child want to live such a life? Do you know what can happen if you put a child in front of such a choice? A feeling of hopelessness, indifference to one’s future, alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, suicide, which can overtake a child, maybe not right now, but in adolescence or as an adult. After all, we drag many problems from childhood with us into adult life. Try to paint a different picture of the future for your child: a more attractive one. Tell him that in life it is not only possible, but also necessary to do what you like, what is interesting. You need to try to live in such a way that you enjoy life, fulfill your desires, and realize your plans. It’s clear that things don’t always work out the way you want, but you don’t have to give up those opportunities to please yourself that you have. Need to live life to the fullest, and not squeeze yourself from all sides in a vice. Tell your child how other people adapted to their circumstances. For example, in a work situation. What is the best way to choose a job: unloved and uninteresting, but with money? or interesting and beloved, but without money? There is no correct answer to this question at all. Each person makes a choice for himself. He chooses what his heart is most drawn to, what he considers more correct for himself. One will prefer unloved job to earn good money and spend it on your favorite hobbies (travel, fishing, etc.). Another will choose a job he loves, even if it means he has to live from hand to mouth. And the third will generally manage to combine business with pleasure: he will choose a job that is both interesting and lucrative. The main thing is that a person understands that he has such a choice. That everything depends on him. Teach your child to enjoy life. Find out from him what he would like to do, what his soul is about. And enroll him in the appropriate section, club, studio, etc. And even if it seems to you that this activity does not correspond to his gender, do not show him your doubts, support him in all his endeavors and hobbies: if he wants, let him learn to embroider , knitting, cooking, etc. It’s even cooler when parents, by their example, show their child how to live correctly. For example, my mother works as a manager, but she always wanted to take up dancing. Mom enrolls in a dance studio, attends classes, enjoys them, and when she comes home, she tells everyone about her impressions. The child sees the mother’s behavior model and tries to imitate her. From childhood he learns: if you like something and find it interesting, then go and do it; dream, make plans and achieve your dreams. By the way, more success What achieves in work are the people who love it. Because they are interested in it, because they are ready to deal with it day and night. A few more words about the effect that your favorite and interesting activity in a child's life. Of course, there are no guarantees, but there is a connection. The child begins to do what he loves, and as a result, his self-esteem grows. The latter leads to the fact that he begins to do better at school and the attitude of his peers towards him changes in better side. Something like this. Good luck to you!

Olga (paid consultation):

Hello! My daughter is 3 years old. I have such a problem, I don’t know what to do and what to do? The child has been stuttering for 6 months now. And before that she spoke clearly and clearly. She took her to the grannies to treat them, and they relieved the fear. But the stuttering never went away. He sings songs, reads poems clearly, but when he starts talking to me, he begins to stutter while telling me something. Constantly throws tantrums at me. Until he achieves his goal, he will not calm down. What do you recommend?

• Elena Lostkova:

  Hello, Olga. Stuttering is a complicated thing. There is no need to try to cure it yourself. Such problems are solved by three specialists: a pediatric neurologist (neurologist), a psychologist and a speech therapist. They are all important. It is advisable to consult with each of them. A speech therapist directly deals with speech. He conducts classes with the child, during which the child performs exercises specially selected for him. Psychologist works with psychological reasons occurrence of stuttering. Perhaps there was fear, perhaps the parents are doing something wrong in terms of upbringing, etc. This is exactly what this specialist should find out, and then he will work with a specific problem. The third specialist is a pediatric neurologist. Stuttering can be caused not only by psychological reasons, but also by problems with the nervous system. A neurologist is a doctor. If necessary, he can initiate drug therapy and can give a referral to the speech pathology department in the hospital. It is the pediatric neurologist who should lead the process of treatment for stuttering. And a psychologist and speech therapist should help him with this (decide specific tasks according to your profile). If you want to learn more about the problem, here are two links. Article about stuttering:

Proper upbringing of a child is the key to his happy future and harmonious developed personality. It is not always possible to find common language and those psychological techniques necessary for raising a little person.

In this article you will find the answer to the question - how to raise a child correctly? First, let's turn to psychology.

There are a number psychological principles necessary for successful personality development:

• It is important to understand that the child, due to his age, is not yet emotionally stable. He reacts to surrounding events and phenomena much more vividly than adults. A minor event for an adult can be a huge shock for a child. Therefore it is worth paying close attention on sudden change the child’s mood, and, if necessary, calm him down;
• in the baby's life leading place occupied by parents. In connection with this huge role, you should carefully monitor not only your behavior, but also your words. Children often copy behavioral traits their parents;
• The more parents communicate with the baby, the better. You should take part in his life, talk to him, give advice. Central location relationships in the family should be dominated by friendship between family members;
• It should also be remembered that cooperative games and activities have a beneficial effect on the microclimate in the family. When a child sees that parents are eager to spend time together, the child feels needed and important.

Rules for raising a baby from birth to one year

In the period up to one year, at the time of development and maturation of the baby, he develops basic habits and behavioral traits. During this period, the baby is emotionally and physically connected with the mother and, above all, needs her constant care. How to properly raise a child from birth?

So, from 2 weeks of a child’s life, his upbringing should begin, which has 4 periods:

1. From birth to three months. It is necessary to talk to the baby, smile at him, sing him songs, recite poems. The voice at this moment should be soft and caring. All this contributes to speech development and the early formation of a culture of communication;
2. From three to six months. During this period, hearing actively develops, sensory perception baby and visual development. The child needs to listen to music, children's songs, and classics. The baby should also be introduced to the world around him: show various items, pictures;
3. Six to nine months. At this time cognitive activity increases in children. It is worth allowing the child to crawl around the apartment on his own and explore his surroundings, of course, under the supervision of his parents. At this time, it is also worth instilling the rules of hygiene: accustoming to a bib, washing hands before eating;
4. From nine months to a year. At this age, the baby is most active. At this stage, you need to introduce him to the properties of things: water is liquid, the ball bounces, the car can be rolled on the floor. Undesirable actions should be stopped with a soft but confident word “no”. For the smooth development of speech, it is worth communicating with the child as much as possible.

How to properly raise a one-year-old child

At the moment when the child reaches 11-12 months, his formation, both psychological and physical, begins to develop more rapidly. At this age it happens important stage in the formation of a future personality.

The child at this time is still emotionally connected with the mother, but is gradually beginning to master the world around him.

For successful parenting during this time period, you must adhere to the following rules:

Many parents are faced with the fact that the baby becomes more capricious and sensitive during the one-year period. This is due to the fact that the boundaries of his interests are gradually expanding and he is learning to look at the world in a new way.

It is worth understanding that such regression in behavior is not permanent and will soon pass.

How to properly raise a 2-3 year old child

The leading activity at this age is play. Parents still remain the authority among adults. At this moment, the child experiences an important stage for him - the formation of personality.

This manifests itself through the so-called “three-year crisis.” For proper education during this period it is necessary:

• restrict the child from more prohibitions, give him the opportunity to make his choice. In situations where the baby is capricious and does not want to do something, you should not force him. He must be put in a situation of choice. For example, he is hungry, but he is picky and refuses to eat. He should be offered a choice of two or more dishes. Most likely, the baby will make his choice and calm down, since at that moment he was allowed to act like an adult;
• It is important not to lose composure and not to give in to emotions at moments when the child throws tantrums. In a calm, even tone, you must clearly and reasonably explain your position;
• You should talk to your baby as if you were an adult. There is no need to use diminutive words or distort speech. Firstly, it promotes the child’s speech development, and secondly, the baby will feel like an adult.

Parenting at the age of 4-5 years

The child’s behavior becomes more conscious, while his upbringing becomes more complex. At this age, the child is already a separate person and it is worth treating his desires and interests with understanding. It is important to continue active interaction with him, and also adhere to some rules:

During this period, the influence of parents on the behavior of children decreases slightly. This is due to the fact that parents are no longer the only authoritative people in their environment. A social unit such as teachers and friends appears.

And the older the child gets, the less authoritative the parents and teachers become, and the vector of authority shifts to friends.

This peaks at the " adolescence”, when friendships come first for a teenager.

Therefore, it is important not to try to severely limit the child’s freedom, put pressure on him or coerce him. It is important to maintain harmonious and trusting relationships. Trust - key point in communication between the child and parents at this time.

Taking all this into account, there are several things you should do simple rules to build trusting relationships:

• talk to your child more often, ask about his successes and activities;
• support in his quest for independence;
• if something doesn’t work out for him, under no circumstances should you scold him for it. On the contrary, you should help understand the problem and advise ways to solve it;
• involve in joint activities and activities.

How to raise a personality

Personality and character are formed in children under 5 years of age. Therefore, it is extremely important to lay the same foundation personal qualities at an early age.

First of all, it is worth supporting the child. This is especially true for situations when something doesn’t work out for him.

After all, it often happens that negative behavior Parents at such moments contribute to the fact that the child withdraws into himself and ceases to trust his parents. That's why open communication within the family is of significant importance.

It is also worth giving significant freedom of choice. We must not forget that the child must have his own responsibilities. For example, cleaning your room and taking care of indoor plants. This will instill responsibility and independence.

For harmonious development As an individual, it would be a good idea to enroll your child in various sections and clubs. They can be both creative and athletic. But here it is important to listen to the child’s opinion, not to put pressure on him and under no circumstances impose his opinion on him.

The key components of the relationship between children and parents should be:

1. Trust;
2. Spending time together;
3. Close friendly communication;
4. Personal space;
5. Freedom of choice;
6. Absence physical punishment and raising the voice;
7. Reasonable conversations;
8. Joy and praise for achievements and successes.

How not to raise children

It is not always enough to take into account advice on how to raise a child correctly; sometimes it is useful to learn about those things that are not acceptable in upbringing. Often many people do not even notice the mistakes they make.

All this comes from ignorance, generally accepted stereotypes and from how the parents themselves were raised in childhood. Examples of how not to raise children include situations where parents:

In addition, parents do not know what to form trust relationship between the child and parents, it is necessary to develop emotional intelligence children.

To do this, adults need to describe their emotional state phrases such as “I’m happy for you”, “I’m having fun”, “I’m sad”.

In a similar way, it is worth describing the child’s mood, using the phrases: “you’re upset,” “I see what you’re going through,” “you really want to go for a walk, but it’s too late. You’re upset that we won’t let you go for a walk.”

Good luck raising your children!

And some more tips on raising a baby in the next video.

The family and upbringing that a child received in this family is the foundation of personality development and formation human views and behavior, which subsequently determines the fate of a person. Various life situations, difficulties, of course, also contribute to education and teach one to cope with them. But how to behave correctly, how to avoid difficulties, find right decisions. These are the tasks of education. So how do you raise a good person?

Where do habits come from?

Habits can be very different, but they are all in one way or another connected with what the child does every day or sees around him. Many habits, both good and bad, are copied from parents and remain for life. So if you notice something in your child, such as putting his hands on the table, don't be surprised, wondering where he got it from. And before you scold your child, correct the habit in yourself.

But there are also positive habits. To instill them in a child, you just need to accustom him to order and responsibilities. If you always wash your hands before eating every day, then after a while you will notice that your child has become accustomed to it, without being reminded. Buy a basket for toys and be sure to put everything there after playing. Let this also become a good habit. Your baby will begin to do all this on his own, washing dishes after eating or a glass after drawing. And it is very good to have such habits. There should be as many of them as possible so that there is no room for bad ones.

What do teachers advise?

There is no need to raise a child by dictating and imposing your will on him. Eliminate the commanding tone. Its frequent use threatens that you yourself will become a dictator for the child, and this, as we know, will not lead to good. It is better to give the child the opportunity to search for himself, maybe in creativity, maybe in sports, or maybe in reading books. The main thing is not to force him to do it. You need to notice and praise your initiative. But freedom of choice should not outgrow permissiveness.

Personal example

Who does your child see most often? Of course, you, the parents. This should not be forgotten for a minute. The child sees and notices everything, draws conclusions. Parents are so far the only authorities in his life whose behavior he is guided by. Do not demand concentration and pedantry from him if this is not supported by personal example. Dad, when he comes home, throws his trousers on the chair, and his son will definitely start doing this too. And in this case, explaining to a child that this is not correct is very difficult. It’s better not to make mistakes right away, so as not to correct them later. Yours polite attitude towards people, a calm tone in conversation, attentiveness to others - all this will be noticed by your child and will be considered the norm of behavior and vice versa. This is probably the most important advice in parenting - be an example for your child.

Selfless actions

Actions that bring good to people must be selfless. The task of parents is to convey to the child that a person receives moral self-satisfaction from good and correct deeds. We need to explain to children that good deeds are selfless and there is no point in operating on them later. Parents should encourage good deeds, praise more often. Seeing how the mother smiles and enjoys the child’s actions, he will want to do it more. You can also say that everything in life is cyclical and good and bad come back.

Patience is a parent's motto

Being a parent is a big responsibility and there can be no concessions here. A parent must have an endless supply of patience, imagination and ingenuity. Teaching a child, and most importantly accustoming him to norms of behavior, is not an easy task. And you have to be prepared that the child will be reluctant, and at first even hysterical, to brush his teeth and put away his toys. It will be necessary to explain why this is necessary, to ask somewhere, to remind somewhere. Responsibilities will soon be fulfilled without this, but the main thing is not to fail in the process. Do not strive for immediate fulfillment of the assigned task, freak out, and under no circumstances raise your voice. Patience and more patience. The child must learn to take care of his own appearance and hygiene, and this will already be a victory over laziness, which means your victory.

At some stage, the parents calm down and “let go of the reins,” so to speak, and suddenly the child begins to protest. Refuses to do something that has long ago become a habit and his duties. This, of course, surprises and frightens parents. This usually happens to teenagers. The formation of personality at this age is torment, both for the parent and for the teenager himself. Trying to assert himself, rejecting all the rules and norms, he tries to declare himself. This is very difficult period, but there is no need to be afraid of this. You still need to patiently insist and prove that you are right, and not let everything take its course. Cruelty will not help here; exclude it from raising your children. Cruel treatment will only anger and convince the teenager that he is right, and this threatens big problems. Stand your ground firmly but calmly.

The child must do it himself!

Parents sometimes, without realizing it, make a huge mistake in their upbringing. Trying to protect from difficulties, or not having the patience to wait for the child to do it himself, parents begin to do everything for him. Looking superficially, it seems that they simply do not want to complicate the life of themselves or their child by helping him. In fact, the parents themselves provoke a selfish attitude towards life. The child develops laziness and does not want to solve the problem. on our own. The child must achieve the result himself, only then will he appreciate what he has done. There is no need to wash the child’s plate or do chores homework. Let it take his time, no matter how long. Allow your child to open up and show their abilities. After all, if you do nothing, it is not possible. Guardianship should not become excessive.

Brought up in the right way man walking through life with ease. This is a respected, collected, organized, neat person. People like to communicate with such people because they can be completely relied on. If the child has grown good person, this is primarily the merit of the parents. The reward for their work, patience and calmness will be pride in their child, who will set goals for himself and achieve them, without turning the parents’ life into a nightmare with endless whims and caprices. A good person can handle anything. Both at work and in personal life success awaits him.

Conclusions of psychologists

IN children's education It must be taken into account that any child has a sensitive period of development. A period of special sensitivity. During it, under the influence of internal impulses, the child easily learns something new. For example, period speech development child from 3 to five years old. These periods have clear boundaries. Psychologists distinguish the beginning, the stormy stage, the development and the end of such periods. They last very long short time and parents need to know about them.

If the child goes against public opinion, then this is facilitated not only by the stages of personality development, but also by disorder, which is expressed in misunderstanding of relatives, and frequent changes. Perhaps the child has lost his internal guidelines. And this is perhaps a call for adults to understand. A statement that his needs have increased.

Frequent illnesses of the child, general nervous condition, fear is a sign of struggle child's body With internal turmoil. There is no need to wait for time hoping that everything will somehow go away. It is better to help the child cope with this. Contact psychologists. We must remember that a child always needs parental support and understanding that he is not alone. Help to adapt in the process of getting used to new things.

A good way to prove that your words are right is to allow your child to disobey the rules. For example, on weekends, let your child do whatever he wants. He probably won't cover his pastel, brush his teeth, or eat breakfast. He will ask you to watch cartoons. Give him this opportunity and, surprisingly, the child will experience discomfort from the fact that the room is not tidy and hunger does not allow him to enjoy the cartoon. The child will begin to put things in order himself and will do everything as always.

Raising a person is a huge contribution to his future and a huge amount of work associated with risk. A doctor who saves people’s lives has no right to make mistakes, and so it is here. It depends only on the family and parents how their child will grow up and how good a person he will be, correctly defining values ​​in life. Be more careful and patient in this difficult matter.

Raising children- a serious and very responsible process, on which the future of the child, family, and new generation depends. Correct approach to education will help you grow a strong and independent personality, as well as avoid many problems and difficulties.

There are many views on this problem. For example, psychologists, teachers, philosophers, religious leaders - they all expressed different opinions about how to raise children.

Often these opinions turned out to be directly opposite. What should parents do? Nowadays there is huge amount conflicting information, which is sometimes very difficult to navigate.

Family is the first thing for a child educational environment, in it he studies and comprehends the main life values, based on the experience of generations. Unfortunately, now life is arranged in such a way that parents have to work very hard to ensure a decent existence for their family. And at this time the child is being raised V best case scenario relatives, a nanny, and it happens that he is simply left to his own devices. But children are like sponges, they immediately absorb everything absorb and often more bad things.

Currently, there are more and more single-parent families; parents are taking off their parenting responsibilities and transfer them to the computer and TV, citing their employment and the fact that they provide for the child financially. Until we realize that what we have invested in children will pay off later, in the form of a more educated and civilized society, we will blame society, the state, but not ourselves. Therefore, let's start with ourselves for the benefit of our children and their future!

But excessive care is also big problem in education. Parents do not understand that they are doing harm by protecting the child from problems and worries and indulging every whim. Children for whom everyone is with early age parents decided, in everyday life and in the community they feel weak, helpless, they are not able to cope with even the simplest problem.

How to raise children

Before telling me how to raise a child, show me your ideal one.

I sometimes say this phrase when they start teaching me. Because every parent decides for himself how to raise children.

Very often parents are faced with the problem of choosing which path is best to take in raising a baby? Some people like democracy, others like the carrot and stick method, others consider an authoritarian line of communication to be the best for a child... Mom may dote on her little one and pamper him, but dad is almost always strict and demanding, but sometimes vice versa.

In modern family pedagogy you can find information about many methods of raising children, but today we will look at three main ones.

Basic rules for raising a child

1. The first rule is that you need to allow time to cool down. Many conflicts between parent and child occur due to premature and thoughtless words, shouts and actions. In any situation, you need to pause, give yourself a break, think and discuss everything together in a calm atmosphere.
2. Second is the thirty second rule. Neither children nor adults like to listen to lengthy moral lectures. So, you need to try to put all the most important things into 30 seconds and communicate this to the child. Afterwards, the child must think about what was said and decide when he wants to talk about it.
3. The third rule is probably the most important - you shouldn’t try to decide everything for your child. Parents, especially dads, are used to deciding everything themselves and believe that they can deal with any trouble that happens to their child. Whatever the case. Sometimes a child does not need advice or interference in their affairs, just listening is enough. Lie down or sit next to him, and, most likely, the child himself will give away all his thoughts about the problems.

These rules may seem overly simple, but that’s where their beauty lies.

Parable about wise education

Once an old man came to one village and stayed to live. wise man. He loved children and spent a lot of time with them. He also loved to give them gifts, but only gave them fragile things. No matter how hard the children tried to be careful, their new toys often broke. The children were upset and cried bitterly. Some time passed, the sage again gave them toys, but even more fragile.
One day his parents couldn’t stand it anymore and came to him:
“You are wise and wish only the best for our children.” But why do you give them such gifts? They try their best, but the toys still break and the children cry. But the toys are so beautiful that it’s impossible not to play with them.
“Very few years will pass,” the elder smiled, “and someone will give them his heart.” Maybe this will teach them to handle this priceless gift a little more carefully?