Social deprivation is a lack of communication or the inability, for one reason or another, to communicate with other people. The strength and consequences of deprivation depend on who initiated the isolation: the person himself, society or circumstances.
How does social deprivation manifest itself?
Social deprivation can manifest itself in different ways, depending on a number of factors:
- Partial social deprivation. Partial deprivation occurs in a situation when a person, for one reason or another, does not have social contacts with the people he needs or does not have enough of them. Such deprivation occurs among children who are brought up in boarding schools, among students of military schools, among prisoners and other groups of people. With such deprivation, depression, decreased performance, and loss of interest in life may occur.
- Complete deprivation. May be caused by circumstances: shipwreck, collapse rocks in a mine, loss of orientation in the taiga. Under such conditions, deprivation occurs very quickly, proceeds violently and, if a person is not provided with qualified assistance in time, can lead to death.
- Person's age. IN childhood a person may not feel the influence of deprivation, but the lack of necessary social contacts affects his mental and intellectual development. How older man becomes, the more difficult it is for him to endure forced isolation.
- The person himself chose isolation or ended up in it for one reason or another.. If a person himself decides to leave society or limit contacts with it, manifestations of deprivation will be minimal. During forced isolation there may be depressive states, neurotic and mental disorders.
- Person's character. The stronger it is, the more resilient it turns out to be in critical situations.
Consequences of social deprivation
The sooner a person receives qualified assistance from specialists, the more chances that the consequences of social deprivation will be minimal. However, in some cases it is not possible to completely reverse the effects of social isolation. Thus, social deprivation in orphans leads to the fact that such children do not develop correct models of behavior in the family, children grow up with a feeling of rejection and low self-esteem, and do not know how to form and maintain close relationships.
Most severe consequences may have deprivation caused by circumstances, disasters, natural disasters when a person finds himself in unusual conditions. In such situations death and the appearance of mental illnesses is caused not by the circumstances themselves, but by a person’s mental reaction to them.
Useful tips
Each of us, at least once in our lives, has found ourselves in a situation where we feel like falling into the ground out of shame - be it a word spoken at the wrong time, or life failure. However, there are several simple ways quickly and easily get out of an awkward situation, sometimes even to your advantage.
In this article we will tell you what to do if you or your loved one find themselves in an awkward situation or are asked an awkward question.
Awkward situations
If you have offended someone
Many people have had a situation in their life when they complained about another person in a long angry message, and accidentally sent it to the offender instead of the desired recipient. On the one hand, the degree of awkwardness of the situation is off the charts, but you shouldn’t reproach yourself for this stupid mistake.
This situation can become an impetus for reconciliation if you finally talk to the person about what really worries you. At least you will be sure that he knows the reason for your hostility towards him. Do not try to make excuses or apologize under any circumstances - this will only make the situation worse.
You are much more likely to have normal communication after you discuss the situation and sort everything out. If you do not want to see this person in your life, do not hesitate and do not try to improve the relationship. This kind of awkward mistake can help you get rid of toxic people.
If your work partner is lazy
It often happens that at work or at school, when working on projects, you get the laziest colleague or classmate as your partner. Many find themselves in an awkward position, embarrassed to force or refuse.
And in the end it really creates awkward situation when that person, just like you, receives praise. This is precisely the situation where under no circumstances should you be given a second chance, otherwise they will literally “sit on your neck.” Yes, each of us makes mistakes, but if it becomes a habit, don’t give up. Explain to your colleague that you are not going to do his job, and he either needs to start working or he won't get anything.
Don't talk about his mistakes - talk about your needs and desires. Instead of “You didn’t do as we agreed,” say the following: “I need us to discuss more, I need your desire to work.” Be confident.
How to get out of an awkward situation
If you are afraid to quit
If you are in this moment you are trying to quit, but something seems to be stopping you - this point is for you. Surely you are familiar with the feeling of fear of change, or you feel awkward and insecure when communicating with an employer, which prevents you from expressing your opinion.
If you don't like your job but feel uncomfortable telling your boss, especially if you're in good relations– say that you have found a job that will teach you something new. After all, this is an invaluable experience that should not be missed, and there is nothing shameful or awkward in self-improvement.
If you think that your dismissal will jeopardize the company’s work, and you are embarrassed to admit it, offer to train or find a new employee yourself. This will work to your advantage and help you stay with the company. friendly relations, because sincerity and honesty are important when communicating with people.
If you have a terrible boss
There are different types of bosses, and everyone can end up in a team where the boss has unique working methods. Often, employees feel awkward and constrained when the boss constantly stands over their soul, openly stares, or, without finishing information, demands quick results. This attitude, on the contrary, confuses and puts a person in an uncomfortable position.
To start a conversation if you are afraid, you can use some simple but convincing phrases: “I find it difficult to work without your information,” “ work will go It will be faster if each employee has free personal space while performing it." Often, bosses do not deliberately take it out on their wards - everyone has their own ways of doing things, which are not always humane. Don’t be afraid to ask questions about what could bring success to the company.
Read also: 5 signs that you are boring
Awkward conversation
An extra word or an awkward pause
Has it ever happened in your life that you say completely inappropriate things? After all, a word is not a sparrow, and there is no way to return it. After this, the person may be offended by you and consider you absolutely tactless, and there will be an unpleasant pause in the conversation. However, there are several ways to restore your reputation after what has been said.
Determine the degree of awkwardness: You will become the master of the situation only when you find out what the reason for its occurrence is. The reasons can be different - from awkward long pauses in conversation to differences in opinions or views on the world. Find the real reason an awkward situation arises, and it will become easier for you to come up with a solution. Have you ever been to
If, for example, a person brings news that you were expecting, there is no shame in saying, “Give me a little time to think about what you said.” This will allow you to focus on the words, understand your feelings and identify the reason negative emotions on this occasion.
Continue the conversation: Awkward long pauses in a conversation do not arise out of the blue - they have reasons that do not always depend on the person himself. At the same time, they always cause a feeling of inferiority. According to research conducted in 2010 by a Dutch university, continuous conversation leads to increased self-esteem and a positive effect on the feeling of inclusion in the group and society.
To make life easier for both yourself and your interlocutor, if the conversation is necessary, continue it at all costs so that awkward pauses do not have time to arise. Change topics, ask questions, talk about what you like, while learning about the interests of your interlocutor.
A bit of humor: If the conversation has reached a dead end, or you feel that the topic is uncomfortable or even unpleasant for you, add a little light. This can be done by telling a relevant joke or funny story, laughing at the current situation or adding a little self-criticism. Keep in mind that with all this, it is worth remembering whether such behavior is appropriate at the moment.
If appropriate, take action, because laughter, smiles and a relaxed atmosphere can correct the situation. They will also help you continue the conversation, because the ice will melt and the interlocutors will open up. If you encounter an awkward pause at the very beginning of a conversation and don’t know how to develop it, before introducing yourself, tell an appropriate joke. Use interesting phrases, light and subtle humor, wordplay and anything that can break the ice.
Find a compromise:Often awkward pauses arise due to the fact that people in a conversation cannot agree on something, trying to defend different opinions. Undoubtedly, in order to solve such a situation, it is necessary to find a compromise, because not everyone agrees to give in.
Try to understand your interlocutor, what motivates him, why he thinks differently, and what he wants to achieve in the end. This will help you offer an option that will be accessible to both you and your interlocutor. This practice will allow you to solve a problem without giving up your point of view.
Listen and paraphrase: If there is an awkward pause in your conversation, or you don’t know what to answer, just listen to your interlocutor and rephrase a little what he said. For example, if your classmate complains about bad rating, or a colleague - to the boss, in the first case say: “You, apparently, are extremely dissatisfied with the result,” and in the second - “He must be unfairly picking on you.”
It is often more important for people to know that their feelings are understood and acknowledged than to receive advice from someone. In addition, this practice will relieve you of the need to constantly think about what to say. Just listen to the person and, if you don’t know what to answer, say the same thing as he said, but in different words.
Read also: 10 psychological tricks for manipulating people
Top awkward situations
Ask a question: Your conversation with another person can be awkward because you know almost nothing about them. This sometimes creates some communication problems. In this case, you can ask a few non-personal questions to get to know each other better and find possible common interests. Then it will be much easier for you to talk with a person, because you will know what you have in common and what he understands.
Questions can be asked not only in order to get to know a person better - after all, you always need to be careful with them so as not to offend anyone. If you have previously discussed a topic that is at least somewhat interesting to both of you, ask something that would help you go deeper into it and show the other person that you did not ignore his words. Do not ask too many questions in a row, otherwise the interlocutor may withdraw into himself or simply lose the thread of the conversation.
Suggest changing the subject: A fresh topic of conversation will always help you fill the gap in an awkward dialogue. If you want, you can prepare a few in advance that seem most interesting to you, so as not to come up with ideas on the spot. Among general topics– TV shows, upcoming holidays or events, anything that can connect you with a potential interlocutor, for example, field of activity, school exams. Remember that not all topics can be raised in public.
New topics can be a great solution when talking to a stranger. Small and ordinary things like the weather will break the ice and help you move on to something more useful.
Be more assertive: If it happens that your interlocutor is quite rude, or asks you an uncomfortable or too personal question, be prepared to stand up for yourself. Remember that you have personal boundaries that no one has the right to violate. And if it does happen, there is no shame in stopping it. You can confidently tell your interlocutor that you do not intend to discuss this with him without explaining the reasons.
If you realize that there is a person in front of you who deliberately intends to offend you, change the subject or simply end the conversation. Don't keep unpleasant feelings to yourself, otherwise you risk getting an unpleasant aftertaste from the conversation for a long time.
Know when to remain silent: There are situations in life in which talking is completely inappropriate. While constant communication among friends helps you bond as a group, among strangers this is not always necessary. Your companion on a long bus ride or your neighbor on a plane isn't always interested in conversation.
If suddenly the conversation begins, but you see that the interlocutor is reluctant to answer, or answers with one or two words, then you should not continue. You should not force a person to talk - perhaps he is too polite to refuse you this.
Eliminate inconvenient topics: If you feel uncomfortable discussing something, simply say, "That's very interesting. But do you know what else I learned a few days ago?" If someone comments on your conversation off topic or inserts an inappropriate phrase, just ignore it. This is the most The best way avoid problems. Just pretend you didn't notice and continue the conversation. The person will be left without spectators and will stop trying to annoy you.
If remaining silent is not an option for you, tell your interlocutor that you do not intend to discuss this with him or anyone else. You can tell him that you can’t stand rumors and various empty conversations that you don’t see the point of wasting your own time on.
If the person you're talking to has recently lost a loved one or is in trouble with their family, express your condolences with their permission. If you have never been in the same situation, do not under any circumstances say that you understand him. If you have ever had a 78-year-old cousin die, you will not be able to understand a father who has lost his son. Therefore, this topic should be avoided.
Inconvenient questions
End the conversation gracefully: When there is nothing more to say and you feel like further conversation will lead nowhere, just end it. This decision will have a much better impact on the situation than trying to continue communication. If you're afraid of getting into an awkward situation by cutting off a conversation, learn to do it gracefully.
Thank the other person for taking the time to talk. If the person is trying to control your time and does not intend to end the conversation, find a reason to end it. Tell them you want to get another drink or that you need to make an urgent call.
Show understanding: Remember that not everyone is the life of the party and enjoys lively conversations, especially with strangers. Some may suffer from shyness or anxiety when being in public. In such a situation, in order to move the person, it takes a little more time than usual.
Sometimes people even suffer from various disorders that create communication problems. In this case, you need to show understanding towards the person. Avoid stupid and tactless questions, be friendly and show the person that you can be an interesting conversationalist.
Confront your own fears: If the reason awkward pauses in the conversation are your own fears and anxieties about society, and this is really bothering you, start working on it. Find out what exactly is bothering you and what causes these feelings, as well as what you can do to get rid of it.
Practice behavior and communication skills in society, visit a specialist if necessary, study relevant literature. Your future communication and social life depend on how hard you work on them.
Smooth out an abrupt end to a conversation: Sometimes the conversation ends abruptly, causing awkwardness that causes discomfort on both sides. Instead of simply ignoring the situation, during your next conversation with the same person, apologize for the harshness or simply state the fact that the outcome was unsuccessful.
If the abrupt ending was your fault and hurt the person, explain that your goal was not to offend him and that you had completely different reasons. If the person who abruptly ended the conversation suffers from anxiety or problems with communication, his desire to suddenly leave should be treated with understanding, because it appears not through his fault and independently of him.
Solve problems: If suddenly during a conversation with a person, especially a close one, you have a misunderstanding or any problems, do not hesitate to report it. The same applies to any other problems outside the conversation. Tell a friend what's bothering you and ask for advice.
If you see that your interlocutor doubts something, cannot find the words or simply does not know what to say, gently ask him if he needs help. If he refuses, you should not put pressure, but if he accepts help, come together to solve the problem, and this will help you become closer and develop your communication.
To summarize: You can end a conversation beautifully and usefully by drawing a conclusion about it. Not only will you benefit from the conversation, but you will also show the other person that you listened carefully.
For example, if you were talking about a sporting event that took place in your city over the weekend, say, “Looks like you had a good time running the race. It was interesting to hear a little about it. By the way, I think I'll do the same next time.” participation". This way of ending a conversation will allow you to say goodbye to the person without making each other uncomfortable and will lead to further communication in the future.
Today we will talk about situations where there is no point in living and about the people who found themselves in them and made fatal choices, as well as about those who continued to live.
What situations can be called hopeless or those in which people lose the meaning of life? The criteria for hopelessness depend on several factors. From the personality of the person himself, from the intensity of experiences, internal and external reasons difficulties encountered.
There is a fragile nervous system, when a traumatic event a little more than usual causes stupor or hysteria, there is a strong nervous system, when a person accumulates everything within himself, keeping his nose up, and then one failure becomes the last straw...
The intensity of experiences is associated not only with personal characteristics person, or with objective external problems, but also with human attitudes. For some, the loss of a highly paid, prestigious job is one of the main losses in life; for others, the loss will be similar. loved one... A series of failures makes some people stronger, while others finish them off. And for someone who was made stronger by a series of failures in his youth, in old age the newly appeared black streak can lead to a state of depression.
Let's talk about serious problems, and not about the whims of teenagers who confused reality with a game and completely absurd cases when people reached despair because of nonsense. I have doubts whether the suicide of a “tired” 17-year-old girl who had everything: looks, loving parents, friends, health, a good financial situation thanks to her parents, can be considered a truly hopeless drama, but she was simply attracted by black butterflies in the night in the background subtle sadness after another hookah smoking... And this black hole, growing from a grain, poisoned the soul and led to tragedy. The reasons for leaving are either oversaturation with life, devaluation of life, or mental problems...
But there are more and more stories like this, when people seem to have everything, both from the subjective and objective side, without separation from loved ones, losses, debts, or problems. Psychologists call one version of this behavior
growth of cities, high-rise buildings, faceless offices, decrease natural areas. It seems like an absurd reason - urbanization, but if you look at it, everything is natural: a person gets lost in the chaos of soulless gray anthills with floor-to-ceiling windows, where everyone becomes a cog in a system that fights for empty goals. Residential buildings in dense populated areas they are planted like mushrooms after the rain: one opposite the other, in a cluster, sometimes there is only one playground for five 20-story buildings, one tree per block.
In this collection of fragile stone skyscrapers, the connection with nature is lost, a person often feels worthless, small, lost. And those who grew up in such conditions, and knew almost no other life, live with an understanding of the normality that a soulless city is the whole world. This already forms in their character an easy attitude towards the devaluation of life, indifference to the death of their own and their own kind, since human life long ago merged with the stone wall of another skyscraper.
Do you know the city of Shanghai in China? Most dirty city in a world filled tall buildings, towers, shopping centers, smoky, filled with factories, industries, machines. And China also has the highest suicide rate in the world... Strange coincidence, don't you find it??
Percentage of depression mental disorders increases significantly in Lately. And both situations that deserve sympathy and antics due to whims occur against the backdrop of urbanization and the devaluation of life, which doubly aggravates the situation of both.
And there is another trend - people actively accuse others of weakness of will, but more and more often each of us finds ourselves in the position of those who were condemned by us yesterday..
I analyzed the reaction of the “public” to several sad stories that occurred during last year. And below I’ll tell you about the results. The public is, of course, viewers and observers of the Internet.
The mother killed herself and her three children. The beginning of spring, the pre-election euphoria, did not actively make this case public. That didn’t stop people from washing the bones of victims and potential culprits for a couple more weeks on the Internet.
The first reaction after the news of the incident: people write that they are shocked, they say, how could they take their babies with them to the Other World, they blame the government for bringing the people to lack of money, emptiness, loans, debts, that the mother must have despaired, could not feed the children.
A little later, new details arrive from neighbors, verbose, talkative relatives, friends, acquaintances, who for some reason did not help the woman during her life, but perked up after her death. She was recently divorced, she was about 40 years old, ex-husband as many. He found a much younger mistress, had a child, sued ex-wife in order to pick up the children, while the mistress never saw them in person.
The mother seemed to despair, life had lost its meaning and decided to end her suffering by killing herself and taking the children with her so that they would not remain useless to anyone.
At the same time, the family was not poor: a large apartment, relatives helped, the children were well dressed.
What actually pushed the woman to take this step, we will never know. But this is not necessary, it is more important to understand that not only specific thoughts and actions can push a person to a fatal choice, but also an affective dead end, when in a moment everything seems hopeless, death is seen as the final and only way out. Psychiatrists also call this condition a narrowing of consciousness.
In another period of life, the same person copes with difficulties to the envy of all his enemies, and in another period he seems to break down and admits the thought that he cannot cope. This snowball spirals and one little thing becomes fatal.
Psychiatrist-criminologist Vinogradov (his opinion is often shown in stories about people who have committed high-profile crimes) calls one of the reasons when a mother kills her children - hatred of her husband (former or present, or simply the father of the children). And in children she wants to kill the image of the father, to take revenge on him for everything through the murder of children. She can be calm, accumulate everything within herself, hold back, harboring a grudge against her husband, enduring his negativity, but at some point her patience breaks and a state of passion obscures everything. Or this is not passion, but cold disgust for her husband and the children who are from him. Moreover, very often such mothers themselves cannot kill themselves.
More reasons: the mother might have loved the children, but at some point they began to interfere with her... to arrange personal life and the like. And she takes out all the accumulated evil on them.
Situations when mothers leave with their children themselves have different motives... Revenge on the ex-husband may also be involved, but also humanistic motives, they say, no one will need children without a mother. Or the mother’s whole world collapsed after some terrible events for her (the house burned down, war, her husband’s betrayal, his death, etc.) and she, not wanting and not finding the strength to experience this grief, understands that life will never be the same as before.
But a woman in a state of broken psyche and depression is unable to live in a new way, so she sees the only way out as killing herself and those who formed the basis of her world.
The Internet and social networks give people the opportunity to receive bread and circuses while sitting on a comfortable sofa, without leaving home. And often those who condemn the same desperate mother do it out of nothing to do. No matter what versions the people put forward in a couple of days, as soon as they condemned her and threw mud at her.
But only an adequate person will be able to understand that in such situations there is no need to judge by first instinct... And she may not be sick, but simply at some point believed in the illusion that there is no way out. Perhaps if she had survived for some time, all yesterday’s circumstances would have seemed absurd to her and unworthy of saying goodbye to life because of them, but she did not survive. And this is her choice...
Or another situation. A woman's husband dies and her house burns down. Three children are left in their arms, they live with their mother in temporary housing, they are trying to restore an old house, the mother works three jobs, but there is still little money, there was no help from the state. Eldest son due to absence male education and other problems, he began to run away from home, become a hooligan, he was registered in the police room, and social services took care of the family, who at one point took the children away from the woman. The mother was so desperate that she cried uncontrollably, and then simply committed suicide, because she could not see life without children.
And even here, armchair commentators reproached the mother for her weakness, for not being able to withstand temporary troubles and not fighting further. Where was everyone when she was alive and the family could have been helped? Where was the same state, why didn’t they allocate a house to the family? Why didn't they help financially? The mother was not an alcoholic, she took care of the children and loved them. Why do our social services sometimes focus not on helping the family, but on finishing them off? normal people, driving to suicide? What did they achieve in the end? Are the children better now? Without a mother and in an orphanage, with lifelong psychotrauma, orphans?
In this situation, for a mother who experienced a series of severe psycho-traumatic events (the death of her husband, the loss of a home) and lived in difficult conditions (three jobs, the runaway of her eldest son, reproaches from social services), the removal of her children was the last straw; an acute impulsive reaction to all the troubles against the background arose. exhausted state nervous system. Perhaps if someone had supported the woman, she had survived a couple of days, gathered her strength, she would have gone to fight, to win back the children, but due to the impulsive influx of emotions, she simply broke down in an instant.
Another woman came to the capital, fleeing her tyrant husband, without documents, non-Russian, with two children. It’s not clear how, but without documents I got a job cleaning floors and rented a room in a communal apartment. But there was barely enough money to make ends meet. She didn’t tell anyone about her troubles; mother and children were friendly. The woman was fired from her job and they were left without a livelihood. Neighbors in the communal apartment would later say that they had not heard any complaints at all and that they did not know the family without food; the woman was friendly, but reserved. They suspected something was wrong when the family did not leave the room for two days. They opened the doors, and there were dead mother and children. And a note with the words “I have no strength to live on, the hardest thing is when there is no one around and no one can help.”
Couch commentators also reproached the mother for not going to ask for help and not trying to fight. How does anyone even know how long and how she fought? And ask for help... Here a man is walking ask for help, but they will also throw mud at him and send him to work without rest. Before my eyes, there was a situation where a family (mother, children, without a father) was left on the street. The mother is good, she took care of the children - they turned to the authorities - only standard phrases and unsubscribes in response.
Another situation: a mother and her children lived in a dilapidated dilapidated house, cement was pouring from the walls and ceiling from huge cracks, the authorities were obliged to provide temporary housing, then move the family to normal permanent conditions. The mother obtained relocation through the court, but the mayor’s office also began to appeal this decision, believing that the family could continue to live in the house, which was now literally collapsing.
Sometimes the media works and appeals to concerned citizens (and you need to contact the media many times), who themselves know what troubles are... But the woman from our story may have been so intimidated by her tyrant husband or the society in which she was previously that she did not believe anyone and I couldn’t scream about my troubles...
Or a situation where people instantly lose their families. For example, a daughter and her grandchildren flew to their mother and died in a plane crash along with the children. My mother buried her husband a couple of years ago. How and why should a mother live? Typically, the condition after the loss of a loved one is called post-traumatic stress syndrome, a depressive episode.
But here the syndrome is multiplied several times. Many in old age live for the sake of their grandchildren and children, and when all of them are lost in an instant, life loses its meaning.
Or: once upon a time there lived a family, a wife, a husband, two children, the husband was picking up the children from their grandmother from a suburban village and at the turn into the city there was an accident - everyone died, the mother was waiting at home... How and why should the mother continue to live?
And men lose their families... I remember the story about Vitaly Kaloyev, who killed the dispatcher of a crashed plane with passengers flying on board, including Kaloyev’s wife, son and daughter. It always seems to me that men experience the loss of loved ones more easily, since their parental instinct is less expressed, but there are situations when men also experienced it hard.
Those who say that everything will be fine and we must move on with our lives, tapping on the shoulder of those who are haggard from grief and tears, most likely do not even delve into other people’s troubles and they are indifferent to this grief... During such periods, you can only be close to the person. In a couple of months, when he feels better, he himself will decide to move on with his life. And those who are left completely alone in such tragedies very often decide to take a fatal step, because they see no way out, cannot tolerate heartache from loss dear people and there is no one nearby.
It is very difficult to advise something from the outside. In our everyday state, it is impossible for us to imagine what a person experiences who has lost his family or despaired of achieving something, finding himself in poverty and tired of the blows of fate.
But still, if you try to survive acute periods of grief, at some point it becomes easier, new meaning life.
Believers say that Satan can push people to suicide and depression, since he is a murderer, and by any means he inclines people to sin, especially to such a fatal step. Despair and grief can and should be experienced - according to Christianity, nothing is worth giving up and putting a noose around your neck. You can go to church and ask for help - after all.
Those who survived great grief, overcame incredible difficulties, later, in response to the answer “why continue to live?”, they answered that then, in difficult moments, they sometimes lived out of habit, sometimes calming themselves with the thought that there are those for whom you need to live or relatives who have gone to another world are not would like to see the survivor unhappy.
And when difficult moments passed, and it became easier - people said that life was worth living in order to help others overcome difficulties, to tell their children that the strength of the spirit can allow one to withstand “hell” and all these reserves are in a person, he is able to overcome a lot .
There are situations when people simply don’t know what to say. They begin to make excuses, look for reasons, try to change the topic so as not to feel awkward. But some of these situations can be solved with one in a simple word- "Thank you".
You received a compliment
Many people don't know how to respond to a compliment. Therefore, instead of smiling and thanking, they begin to deny everything and assure the interlocutor of the opposite. The result is an almost awkward situation in which now you both don't know what to talk about. In a word, the only correct reaction to a compliment is discreet words of gratitude.
You late
At first glance, words of gratitude seem not entirely appropriate here. However, instead of making long excuses and talking about what wild traffic jams are in the city, it is better to say: “Thank you for waiting. I miscalculated the timing." In general, more positive image develops when a person does not apologize for a mistake, but expresses gratitude for loyalty!
When did you become the target of criticism?
You also need to respond correctly to criticism. And not only constructive and useful, but also groundless. It is almost always worth reacting in a positive tone, and in no case making excuses. You can name the reasons why a mistake was made, but under no circumstances do this to justify yourself in the eyes of your superiors. As a universal example, we can take the words “Thank you for your comments. I realized where I went wrong."
When someone needs your support
You may be surprised, but this is also one of those situations in which saying “Thank you” is more than appropriate. Imagine that someone close to you is talking about their family problems. Together with a huge amount Possible words that you can say to support him are worth remembering: “Thank you for sharing with me. I am always with you".
Just say “thank you” more often
There are different categories of people: some are completely devoid of the consciousness that someone needs to be thanked, others, on the contrary, thank you for everything with cakes, chocolates, and souvenirs. You just need to say “Thank you” more often.
Otherwise, it is not a man, but simply.. a male creature. "
Let's clarify and expand on the concepts of “making decisions” and “bearing responsibility.”
. Decisions
Everything is simple here. In most situations: every day, every minute, a person faces a certain choice of strategies for his behavior. There is always a choice, even when it is made unconsciously. For example, now you have a choice: continue reading this post, or do something else.
The ability to make decisions is skill to choose of the many actions, the one that develops the situation the best way.
In other words: there is some objective function, which helps determine the “benefit” of a particular situation for a person (more details -). This is not necessarily one’s own benefit - it can be the well-being of loved ones, the death of enemies, world peace, and a mixture of all this in some proportions. The skill of making decisions is the skill of choosing a scenario for which the value of the objective function will be maximum.
Note: it is not at all necessary that this action will be objectively correct. It must be the best according to specific person, and nothing more.
When might a person have difficulty making a decision? For example, when for all options its objective function produces same values. For example, if money and friendship are of equal value to a person, then he will be tormented by dilemmas like: " I'll set my friend up and I'll get the money", "I won’t give up my friend, but there won’t be any money"Such a person is called indecisive.
Determination by itself - not always positive quality. A child who regularly prefers to play outside instead of doing his homework is extremely determined - only in his “goal function” the pleasure of playing is higher than the processes of gaining knowledge and being scolded by his parents.
The second type of difficulties with decision making is when the objective function is not defined. That is, when a person he doesn't know what he wants. A difficult case that requires a deeper elucidation of the reasons for such a deviation.
Thus, the skill of making decisions is the following set of skills:
. the ability to see the multitude of everyone possible options actions
. the ability to set priorities (set a target function) for the current situation
. the ability to choose from all this many options
Initially, most decisions for the child are made by the parents. The child is left with decisions in the spirit of “which rattle to play with now.” As you grow older, more and more more solutions a person has to take on your own. It is believed that by the time a standard person reaches adulthood, he is able to independently make any decisions that determine own life and fate.
As further development a person learns to make decisions that concern not only himself - but also others. Make decisions for others. This could be managing your children during their infancy, or managing subordinate employees At work.
For example, a parent decides which kindergarten give the child away. This decision determines later life a child, but it is clear that a three-year-old person is not able to analyze all possible options and make a decision. His parents do this for him.
The skill of making decisions for others is usually more complex, since in this case the number of options is larger, and the objective function contains not only own interests, but also the interests of those for whom these decisions are made. However, this is not a mandatory statement, and a situation is quite possible when it is much easier to make a decision for someone due to the primitiveness of the objective function.
In a situation where a person unable to make a decision, he either rushes from one course of action to another, committing inconsistent actions, or more often lets the situation take its course. Note: does not "decide to do nothing" - which would mean conscious choice this strategy as optimal from the point of view of the objective function, namely, he does not make any decisions and waits to see how events will unfold with his passivity.
Why is this so makes me angry people around? Because passivity is only permissible in positive situations. life situations: when a person feels good, he doesn’t need to do anything. When the surrounding situation becomes negative, changing it, like any other fight against entropy, requires the investment of energy - that is, action.
Actions are a rational act of a person, and behind every action there is decision perform this action - taken by the person himself or someone for him. A person who is unable to make a decision is not able to take action in relation to the problem that has arisen. negative situation. In the worst case, he sits back, in the best, he does the same thing he did yesterday (goes to work, etc.).
Therefore, the inability to make decisions often leads to inaction, and as a result, to the inability to improve one’s own life.
. Be responsible
There is another skill that is closely related to decision making. This is the skill of taking responsibility for your actions. Formalizing this concept from an everyday (non-criminal legal) point of view is not as simple as it might seem at first glance.
Responsibility is the skill of identifying events - as consequences of one’s own actions or decisions made.
In the future tense, when a decision has not yet been made, responsibility is the depth of calculation of one or another scenario. In the past tense, responsibility is the skill of establishing a cause-and-effect relationship between what is happening now and what you did once.
In the absence of this skill, a person clearly does not see the connection between events and those of his decisions and actions that will affect them. For example, an irresponsible child does not understand that if he does not study well now, he will not be able to find a well-paid job later. Separately, he is well aware of these two concepts, but still hopes that a cause-and-effect relationship will not occur between them.
Deciding to score homework- the child hopes that the teacher will not ask. From his point of view, the cause-and-effect relationship between the events “unfinished homework” and “f in algebra” turns out to be broken due to the low probability of being called to the blackboard (1/30 of the entire class).
On the other hand, a pathological loser can be much more responsible person- since he is aware of the inevitability of consequences, but his goal function is currently has other priorities, and he doesn’t think it’s any shameful to study as a technician.
Skill does not mean seeing your fault in everything that happens. Hyperresponsibility- when a person attributes events completely beyond his control to the consequences of his actions - is as pathological as a lack of responsibility.
The typical road to hyper-responsibility is a confusion of reasons dependent and independent of a person. Typically, the following statements are used for this: “I should have foreseen this” or “I could have foreseen this.” The main thing is the ability to sensibly assess the cause-and-effect relationship between events in each specific situation.
In the case when a person makes decisions that determine not only his life, but also the lives of his loved ones (children, subordinates) - area of responsibility increases. The cause-and-effect relationship includes not only events that happen to him, but also to those for whom he made decisions.
Responsibility is the skill of seeing the consequences of your actions. The higher a person’s level of responsibility, the more difficult it is for him to make decisions. But more likely that the decision made will be optimal, from his point of view.
Responsibility in itself does not guarantee a positive outcome of events. A general who sends a company of soldiers to certain death is responsible for his actions. But if the well-being of his homeland is higher for him than the life of a soldier, the decision will be made and responsibility will be taken upon himself.
When a person says " I'm responsible for someone" - this means that he recognizes the cause-and-effect relationship between his actions and the actions of his ward.
Is there some more Feedback: between the level of responsibility and decision making. Namely: high level responsibility forces a person to make decisions.
The mechanism of this is extremely simple: being in a state of inaction, if problems arise, a person feels guilty for the worsening of the situation, and begins to experience psychological discomfort. If a person knows how to make decisions and can change the situation, good. Otherwise, stress and hysteria begin, and it’s good if psychological defense mechanisms turn on.
Why don't we love irresponsible people? Because a cause-and-effect relationship really exists. If our level of responsibility is higher than that of a friend, then we begin to see this connection before him. And we are indignant that he does not see it and does not adjust his actions according to it.
Summary:
. The skill of making decisions is the skill of choosing the optimal option.
. Responsibility is the ability to see a cause-and-effect relationship between one’s actions and current events.
D/z:
. Is it true that the higher a person’s intelligence, the higher his level of responsibility, and the better developed his decision-making skills?
