Congruence
Let's talk more about congruence. I remind, that congruence is a level inner harmony, internal consistency of a person.
The higher this inner harmony, the higher the congruence. If someone simultaneously sends signals that are opposite in meaning, then they speak of incongruence.
One option is when there is a difference between WHAT a person says and HOW he says. And the information sent by the right and left halves of the body may also differ.
– It turns out that it doesn’t matter which hand you wave?
A person’s ability to be incongruent is due to the fact that he has two hemispheres (you learned this at school) – the right (emotional, analog) and the left (logical, discrete).
The right hemisphere is responsible for the left half of the body, the left - for the right.
Criss cross.
Conventionally, all non-verbal information that a person can convey (and this, as you remember, is 5/6 of total number) can be divided into two parts.
MKAI – MonoChannel Analog Information. This is something that a person can demonstrate only with the whole body: breathing, sweating, voice, posture, blushing, etc.
SKAI – Stereo Channel Analog Information. This is the non-verbal information that can be transmitted by the right and left sides of a person (the left and right hemispheres, respectively): movements of the arms, legs, crooked posture (to one side), tilt of the head, asymmetry of the smile, greater muscle tension on only one side...
That is, SKAI can be right and left. When the information transmitted over the right and left SKAI coincides, then they speak of symmetry.
Congruence Calibration
To determine how congruent a person is calibrate: correspondence between MCAI and content; symmetry.
Congruence shows how consistent what a person wants to communicate to others for reasons of logic and based on feelings is consistent.
For example, if you smile at a child only right side face, then he most likely will not react, if with the left, he will pay attention, if it is symmetrical, then, most likely, he will smile back.
- And why?
Children have not yet had time to fully comprehend the principles of civilization, and therefore are quite harmonious. And completely unconsciously they perfectly calibrate the differences between what parents tell them “out of duty” and what is sincere. Congruence is, in a sense, the level of a person’s sincerity.
When you smile only on the right side of your face, it comes more from consciousness, from logic (behind right half body is responsible for the left (logical) hemisphere). And it has little to do with real feelings.
By the way, a right-sided smile is usually quite crooked. And the child ignores it because he understands perfectly well that this is false information.
When you smile only with the left side, it is more truthful and direct. But this also communicates that you consciously do not want to smile. And only a symmetrical, sufficiently congruent smile is evidence that you both think and feel the same.
By the way, a mirror is not suitable for training your smile. In it you see everything upside down - the right becomes left, the left becomes right. You think you smile absolutely wonderfully, but those around you don’t think so at all. Distortion. For such training, it is better to work either with a video camera (but not everyone can afford this) or with people who can give high-quality feedback.
Although you can train anywhere, the most important thing is to carefully calibrate the reactions of others. This is the most wonderful feedback - with people who do not know that they need to react in any special way.
– Can a symmetrical smile also be incongruent?
Generally speaking, yes. You know how Americans smile - a wide, symmetrical smile. BUT! She's frozen. When you see it, you compare it to your idea of what a smile should look like with your map. Russians smile a little differently.
True, much less often.
If you smile spontaneously, your muscles work differently. A “conscious” smile is tougher, sharper, and usually does not involve the muscles of the outside eye.
Therefore, if you want to learn to smile truly congruently, then try to go from own state– find the feelings inside yourself that cause that smile. And when you want to smile “on purpose,” remember these feelings, and not the “correct tension of the lip muscles.” After all, a person smiles with his whole body - his breathing, voice, facial expressions, and movements change. And all this can be seen...
To be honest, I am against rules on a behavioral level: do this and that. If a person is offered only one option of behavior, this deprives him of flexibility, deprives him of choice. And he turns into an automaton. Only earlier this machine, for example, was sad, but now it is sincerely happy. A person is much broader than a consumer goods set of emotions.
Although it would be much more pleasant for me to ride on the subway with people smiling, even if not entirely naturally, than with people with that facial expression that expresses something between endless fatigue and disgust for everything in the world, like ours. Most likely this is cultural - it is accepted in Russia, at least in certain circles, show dissatisfaction with life in every way. In the States, for example, it is more common to smile (that very unnatural smile), showing joy and strength. And if you appear on the street with a “Russian” expression on your face, then they will probably come up to you to find out: “Did something happen?” It is so customary that we are cheerful public place You are only allowed to be intoxicated.
This is probably why they are not allowed on the subway in this state - so as not to spoil the overall picture.
In my opinion, the point is not to be in the same state all the time, even if it’s quite comfortable, but rather in accordance with your state of the situation and your desires. It is not entirely appropriate to appear with an open sweet smile at a funeral.
However, as with the expression of melancholy and suffering at someone’s birthday.
Learn to fit in. It's something like a lock and key: the situation is the lock, and your condition is the key to the lock. This is probably what behavioral flexibility consists of - choosing the most appropriate behavior to the current moment, pick up the key to the lock. And here we will not even be concerned with finding the most suitable ways actions as much as by expanding your behavioral arsenal.
Okay, let's get back to congruence. In more in a broad sense– this is compliance, and not only internal, but also external. You can talk about whether you sufficiently correspond to the situation, whether your ideas correspond to your actions, etc. True, in Russian they use something else for this no less foreign word– adequacy.
- A congruent person no problems?
When a person has a problem, it will manifest itself in his incongruity. For example, one of important signs the fact that you have achieved a result in working with a client is an increase in symmetry. True, incongruity usually appears only when a person thinks or talks about this problem. So congruence only reports that in this moment"on this topic" internal contradictions No.
Ask someone to tell you about any of their problems - most likely they will immediately become confused.
A problem is an insoluble (yet) contradiction. There is one thing, but you want something else. And this contradiction will manifest itself in incogruence. Some have more, some have less...
– The desire to get more than you have always leads to problems.
Of course not. Contradiction is what drives a person. If there were no contradictions, we would not do anything. The world is changing.
Remember: “Unity and the struggle of opposites”?
Contradictions are the engine that forces us to change as the world changes. It’s just that for some, contradiction is a wall that is impossible to climb over, while for others it is necessary fuel.
Here's a comparison, one says: “I don’t know how to meet girls. I'll never be able to do this. No one will ever love me." Another: “You know, I haven’t been able to meet girls yet. But I want to learn how to do it!”
The situation that both of these people are talking about is the same - they don’t know how to meet girls.
But for one it is a PROBLEM!!!
For others, it’s an opportunity to learn something new, training on obstacles.
The only difference is attitude.
– How to use all this in communication?
And there are at least two possibilities.
On the one hand, you can use this for calibration. The level of congruence communicates the degree of sincerity of a person. How different is what he feels from what he tells you.
– True-false calibration?
Including.
On the other hand, the higher your own congruence, the more they listen to you, the higher the trust in you.
Exercise “Congruence”
In groups of 5 people. One of you speaks and tells something about yourself. Not much, one or two minutes. The rest are calibrated. Moreover, one pair calibrates the correspondence of content and MCAI, and the second – symmetry.
Only, if you calibrate the correspondence between the MCAI and the content, you will have to focus more on own experience– on how these experiences usually manifest themselves in people. Well, if possible, try to calibrate this specific person in the right condition.
When you calibrate symmetry, it’s simpler here - you simply compare clearly noticeable things with each other: movements of the right and left hand, redness of the right and left sides of the face...
Symmetry does not mean that they move in perfect sync. The right one went, at the same time the left one went... No. It's just that the number of movements and their type should be relatively the same. For example - if right hand constantly moving, and the left one hangs like a whip - it’s asymmetrical. But even if the right one moves smoothly, and the left one moves jerkily, and at the same time is tense, this is also asymmetrical.
When the Speaker finishes, he is given feedback on what and where, from the point of view of the audience, was incongruent. After this, the Speaker is given one more attempt, then feedback again. Then the last, third attempt, and at the end of it there is also a very short answer from the audience about the level of congruence. Total, only three attempts.
Then change roles.
– Why are there so many calibrators?
The more feedback, all the better. It is optimal for 7–9 people to work, but this will take a very long time, so for now there are only four.
– When a person talks about his problems, he really sharply loses congruence. Moreover, it is enough to simply remember the problem.
– There was usually a simultaneous loss of symmetry and congruence in MCAI and content.
Yes, it's good that you noticed this. After all, MKAI with SKAI is a conditional separation in order to make it easier to calibrate.
– What, a person might not have problems?
Quite. If he does not want more than what he has, or does not treat this contradiction as a problem. Because of this, difficulties may arise, for example in those psychological directions, where it is simply determined in advance what should be a problem and what should not. And if the therapist is convinced of the truth of this model, he can convince his client of this as well. A person is flexible enough, and if it is sufficiently congruent and convincing for him to prove that he is sick and there is “something wrong with his head,” then he will a large share probably can organize this problem for himself.
Until I knew it was a pathology, everything was fine...
Are you tormented by erotic dreams?
Well, why do they torture...
From an NLP point of view, only the person himself can determine whether something is a problem for him or not. You can help him realize this, but he decides on his own. Because there is no one else.
– What is the difference between being helped to recognize a problem, or convincing a person of its existence?
It’s just that in the first case there are obvious external signs the presence of a problem (for example, incongruence), and the person at a certain level knows about the presence of a conflict, but in the second, the problem is created artificially, simply because the therapist is convinced of it.
– That is, the only question is whose card is taken as a basis – the therapist’s or the client’s.
One could say so.
Telegram: “Doctor, I feel great! Explain why immediately?”
– What to do in the case when a person harms others, but does not perceive it as a problem?
As I understand it, this is a problem for those whom he “harms.” Another thing is that he may simply not know that his actions are interfering with someone. And then you can tell him about it. As a result, he will have a problem too.
In short...
1. Trust = Adjustment + Congruence.
2. Congruence is the level of internal harmony, consistency different sides person's personality.
3. All non-verbal information can be divided into two parts: what a person can demonstrate only with the whole body (MCAI), and what can be transmitted by the right and left sides of a person separately (SCAI).
4. In order to determine how congruent a person is, the correspondence between the MCAI and the content, as well as symmetry, is calibrated.
Hello, dear readers. Remember. You have probably found yourself in such a situation yourself or seen a friend in the company of other people who is filled with anger, aggression or discontent. At the same time, he tries to maintain composure, calmness, and maybe even tries to look happy and satisfied with life.
Today we will talk about human feelings, emotions and actions. Congruence in psychology is correspondence internal state human and external. When emotions coincide in various components and characteristics. A person acts in harmony with himself.
This definition is found in mathematics, physics and psychology when various elements correspond to the given structure. People say, do as your heart tells you. Not every person is capable of this. Some act differently, pursuing certain goals, others are not always able to understand their true state.
Let's look at why congruence is so important, what benefits it provides, and whether its absence can lead to negative consequences.
Meaning
The term "congruence" means how a person feels. His actions do not contradict his words, his facial expressions do not contradict his state of mind. Without unnecessary assessment and control, he evaluates his feelings, experiences and problems. There is no pretense in the behavior. Life ceases to be a theatrical stage; the show does not always have to go on.
The term “congruence” comes from the English word, since it has no analogues in the Russian language. It includes such concepts as coherence, coherence, proportionality. I would add honesty and sincerity to this list.
Advantages
I think that each of you has an acquaintance whom you do not trust for no reason. Perhaps he is not your colleague and you meet extremely rarely, but every meeting leaves a heavy touch of melancholy. This man is hiding something.
Of course, it is not necessary that your interlocutor is incongruent. Perhaps you simply did not understand and did not accept his manner of communication. It all depends on your ability, that is, the ability to capture the emotions of other people, to empathize at the subtlest level. The person hasn’t said anything yet, but you already understand perfectly well that he is sad, happy or angry.
It is not difficult to understand how this behavior is beneficial for business and interpersonal communication. Even if you experience negative emotions. I can give many examples from life when an honest conversation between two people led to a positive “final”.
A young man of one of my acquaintances for a long time, in all unimaginable sins, found a reason to start a scandal out of the blue. One evening, in a calm atmosphere, she asked: “Do you want to leave me? Is this the reason for your eternal discontent?”
The guy admitted that he was not satisfied living together, he is tired of problems. According to the girl, at that moment she was absolutely sincerely ready forever, which she immediately said. He was delighted by the fact that no one was thinking of keeping him and decided to give this relationship a try, and a few months later the couple got married.
In fact, this conversation did not take place in words, but at some level of the subconscious. There were no phrases of great importance. The man was afraid that the woman would encroach on his freedom, but feeling that the girl was not going to limit him in anything, he gave her up without any questions asked.
Flaws
The principle of congruence is tempting, but if people always said and did whatever they wanted, it would lead to irreparable consequences. The girl from the previous story found best time, a place and words to express your own feelings. If everything had happened differently, no one knows how this story would have ended.
Even the most cruel words. himself unpleasant person you can understand, feel for him if not reverently tender feelings, then at least confident neutrality.
It is not enough to be able to say what you want, you also need to act in what environment. If you want to understand all the intricacies, I can recommend Jack Schafer's book " We turn on charm according to the methods of the special services».
Author former employee FBI and in his work he talks about non-verbal tricks that allow you to win over people using the ability to be congruent. No NLP, just honesty and openness. I think this is correct.
OK it's all over Now. Be congruent and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter. Until next time.
IN various areas life, the term “congruence” is used, which implies coherence various objects to complement each other for the purpose of functioning of the whole system. Can be used in psychology, mathematics, communication and other fields this concept, since it is one of the principles of existence of the whole world.
One example of congruence is human body. Each organ and gland is a department of the whole system. And the system, in turn, is coordinated with the activities of other systems in order to generally ensure the normal functioning of the entire organism.
It's important enough that everyone separate element retained its functions and structure, despite the fact that other elements have different functions and structures. Preservation by each element of its “individuality” allows it to perform unique work, which is in addition to the work performed by other elements. If the various elements and activities are coordinated, then the overall goal is achieved.
An organization for performing certain work or providing a service can also be called a single organism. Every individual holds a specific position and performs specific work. His work is complemented or used by others in the company to achieve a common goal.
Thus, congruence is important in every area of life.
What is congruence?
Synonyms for congruence include coherence, comparability, proportionality, correspondence, coincidence. The concept of congruence implies the correspondence or consistency of various objects that are similar in their structure, some concepts or work, due to which overall integrity or harmonious work is achieved.
Quite often the term congruence is used in psychology, where individual functions, spheres of life and personality traits are combined in one person, which makes him an integral individual. Thus, congruence implies a coincidence:
- Nonverbal and verbal information.
- Promises and actions.
- Life goals and human activities.
- External worldview and external manifestations.
More often we're talking about about the correspondence of internal sensations with external manifestations of a person. However, in this area everything is much more complicated. After all, a person lives in a society where he cannot always express what he wants, especially under the influence of negative emotions.
Congruence refers to a person's ability to understand their own emotions and express them appropriately. Congruence also occurs in a situation where two people have the same opinion.
Since congruence inevitably leads to the restoration of human integrity and harmony, it is necessary to understand what contributes to this. Many people do not feel harmonious and complete. This problem needs to be fixed.
Ask yourself these questions:
- “Where has your integrity gone?”
- “Where does your nervousness and self-doubt come from when talking to other people?”
- “Why does a person worry, try to be someone else, deceive?”
And the following answer may come to you: all this happens because you are concentrating on the other person, and not on yourself.
Integrity, confidence and love are lost when a person focuses on other people!
Why? Integrity is lost because you care about other people's opinions. Taking care of respectful attitude to yourself, about the approval of others, about their opinions, thoughts and feelings, about morality and culture, you try to show yourself from an advantageous position, which makes you want to embellish or deceive. And nervousness and uncertainty arise at the moment when a person is looking for ways to show himself with positive side, and when the “trick” is launched, the person nervously awaits the response of the interlocutor(s).
You should change your focus from other people and transfer it to yourself. Find yourself here and now! With your consciousness, return to your body, feel yourself, your desires, etc. When communicating, you should shift the focus of your consciousness from your interlocutor to yourself. You need to care not about what others think of you or how they react to your news, but about what you think about it, whether you like what you say.
While you are focused on other people's reactions and thoughts, you do not notice your own feelings, thoughts and do not control reactions. You don't know what you're experiencing, and you're unable to feel happy and loved while you're focusing your thoughts and attention on other people.
Remember when you feel your integrity? When someone is interested in you, loves you, or likes you. You begin to glow with happiness because you realize that someone is genuinely attracted to you. Therefore, you need to develop a feeling of love in yourself, regardless of whether there is someone nearby loving people or not.
- Start feeling loved by the world and you will feel energized.
- Start loving and giving love yourself, without expecting anything in return.
- Set clear goals for yourself and start moving towards them. It also promotes wholeness as you re-focus on yourself rather than on others.
Don't worry about other people - focus on yourself! Bring your thoughts, desires, actions, sensations back to yourself in the present time. Feel yourself, feel your condition and start moving towards the future that you want to have, regardless of the people who may be there. Take care of yourself: your thoughts and desires. Leave others alone - don't think about them! “Glow with love and happiness” for yourself and the world as a whole. Don’t demand or hope that the people around you will start loving you and become happy. Let them make themselves loved and happy! You just love and be happy on your own, not for someone, but for yourself and for the world as a whole. And then people who will truly love and accept you will be drawn to you.
Coincidence, proportionality, correspondence and conformity are synonyms of congruence, which in each area has its own definition:
- In mathematics, it denotes the equality of segments, angles, figures, etc.
- In geometry, it is used as an axiom in the congruence of figures: they can be congruent if, when moving, they can transform into each other.
- In physics it is understood as the quantitative equivalence of the qualities of states or phenomena.
Turning congruence to psychology, we will talk about authenticity, when an individual is truthful or some phenomenon is true. Thus, a person is congruent when what he says corresponds to his true thoughts and intentions. His soul is calm, and he expresses his thoughts in literally words. A person acts, speaks and lives in accordance with his values, morals and thoughts.
Thus, congruence implies that a person is truthful and free, because he does not hide, does not defend himself, does not pretend. His inner world fully realized through his words and actions. It can be perceived as it is, without thinking or speculating or searching for hidden meaning.
Congruence in communication
In communication, the concept of congruence has a broad meaning, since it does not only mean that a person says everything he thinks, that is, he tells the truth. Congruence in communication also means:
- Making communication understandable and clear.
- Absence defensive reactions due to the presence of trust between partners.
- Listen carefully to your partner and understand him.
- Availability open communication through trust and understanding of the partner.
Such communication contributes to the discovery of personality. She ceases to defend herself and defend herself, but on the contrary, becomes active, holistic and willing to resolve all emerging issues.
Communication is a frequent occurrence in the life of any person. Quite rarely, a person can open up to other people because he feels that he is not understood, not supported, that they want to manipulate and put pressure on him, and convince him otherwise. However, psychologists note that it is enough for just one interlocutor to be congruent in order to set the other person up for a confidential and open conversation.
Opposite behavior is not called congruence - when a person thinks one thing and says another, feels one thing and expresses another. Quite often people have to pretend, that is, hide something, say what is acceptable and necessary, and not what is actually thought, promise and not keep what they promised, etc. Why does a person behave incongruently? eat not in accordance with your true thoughts, feelings and situation?
Psychologists explain this by saying that a person always wants to surpass those with whom he communicates. He is trying to show his status, success, achievements. However, to have all this, a person needs to try, put a lot of effort and spend a lot of time. If a person understands that he has no status, he has nothing, he is dissatisfied with this and resists it, then he simply starts playing. In words and behavior he can demonstrate one thing, but in reality things will be different.
To overcome this imbalance, it is proposed to change your attitude towards:
- To the interlocutor, that is, to stop considering him as a person to whom you need to show something.
- The subject of the topic being discussed, for example, does not count it important goal all the people to reach.
Congruence in psychology
In psychology, congruence is understood as the correspondence between internal experiences and external manifestations. This is understood by the fact that a person feels a surge of strength, positive emotions, high spirits and attraction. On external level this is manifested in the fact that a person confirms what he is talking about through facial expressions, gestures and actions.
People may have a slightly ambiguous attitude towards congruence for the reason that in society it is forbidden to show all their emotions and thoughts openly. Existing frameworks, norms, rules and etiquette force people to follow them rather than express their emotions and ideas as they arise.
On the one hand, this is correct, since it provides order and tranquility to the world. On the other hand, a person can express his emotions and thoughts, but in more peaceful ways. Congruence does not involve expressing aggression by getting into a fight. Aggression can be expressed in words or splashed out on objects, thus not harming anyone.
Bottom line
Congruence presupposes a person’s ability to be himself, while existing in the world in which he lives. If a person is capable different ways express your emotions and desires, then it can be congruent, at the same time holistic and harmonious.
Congruence The state in which a person's words match his actions. His nonverbal cues and verbal statements correspond “to each other. A state of integrity, adequacy, internal harmony, absence of conflict.
Brief explanatory psychological and psychiatric dictionary. Ed. igisheva. 2008.
CONGRUENCE
(from English congruence) - authenticity, openness, honesty; one of the 3 “necessary and sufficient conditions» effective psychotherapeutic contact (along with empathy and non-judgmental positive acceptance), developed within person-centered approach in psychotherapy. The term "K." introduced to psychology TO.Rogers to describe: a) the correspondence of the “ideal I”, “I” and “experience” in a person’s life; b) the dynamic state of the psychotherapist, in which various elements of his internal experience (attitudes, experiences, etc.) are adequately, undistorted and freely lived, realized and expressed in the course of working with the client. In the case of K. (and in contrast to empathy), we are talking about a person’s experience of his own feelings, about their openness to themselves and other people.
K. is a process of non-judgmental acceptance and awareness by a person of his own real and current sensations, experiences and problems with their subsequent accurate voicing in language and expression in behavior in ways that do not traumatize other people (in other words, if a person complies with the condition “as if "This voicing and expression was addressed to himself). K. is a dynamic state in which a person is most free and authentic as himself, without experiencing the need to use psychological defenses, in presenting a facade, hiding oneself, for example, behind a mask or role"expert". K. is observed in cases where our inner feelings and experiences are accurately reflected in our consciousness and accurately expressed in our behavior when we can be perceived and seen as who we really are. K. can also be considered as a characteristic communication, and also how special treatment efficient work any facilitator (psychotherapist, consultant, teacher, parent). (A. B. Orlov.)
Large psychological dictionary. - M.: Prime-EVROZNAK. Ed. B.G. Meshcheryakova, acad. V.P. Zinchenko. 2003 .
Congruence
CONGRUENCE (With. 315) - 1) a person’s ability to accept without judgment, understand his real feelings, experiences and problems, as well as to adequately express them in behavior and speech; 2) the coincidence of assessments given by a person to a certain object and another person who also evaluates this object. The term, like many others, was borrowed relatively recently from in English and in most domestic psychological dictionaries absent. However, in the lexicon practical psychologists he is in last years is used more and more often (almost exclusively in the first meaning).
English word congruence comes from Latin congruens, V genitive case congruentis- proportionate, corresponding, coinciding, and means correspondence, conformity (for example, compliance with the law, etc.). This word is used in various fields scientific knowledge, in particular in mathematics, where it means the equality of segments, angles, triangles and other figures in elementary geometry. In physics, congruence is understood as the quantitative equivalence of qualitatively equivalent states of any process. The term is also used in medicine in a specific sense, which is not at all surprising, given the traditional Latinization of medical terminology.
In the middle of the 20th century. to explain various phenomena social behavior different authors have proposed several theories similar in content, united in social psychology under common name"cognitive correspondence theories". This is the theory of communicative acts by T. Newcomb, the theory of structural balance by F. Haider, and also the most famous in our country (and described in some detail in several publications “ School psychologist"") the theory of cognitive dissonance by L. Festinger. This series would be incomplete without mentioning the congruence theory of Osgood and Tannenbaum, developed independently and first outlined in a publication in 1955. As G.M. Andreeva points out, “the term “congruence” introduced by Osgood and Tannenbaum is synonymous with the term “balance” Heider or Festinger's "consonance". Perhaps the most accurate Russian translation of the word would be “coincidence,” but a tradition has developed of using the term without translation.” (Andreeva G.M. et al.. Modern social psychology in the West. M., 1978. P. 134).
The main idea of all theories of cognitive correspondence is that the cognitive structure of a person cannot be unbalanced, disharmonious, but if this is the case, then there is an immediate tendency to change this state and again restore the internal consistency of the cognitive system. Thus, in Newcomb’s theory of communicative acts, the idea is held that for a person, a means of overcoming the discomfort caused by the discrepancy between the attitude towards another person and his attitude towards a common object is the development of communication between partners, during which the position of one of them changes and thus, compliance is restored. The main thesis of Osgood and Tannenbaum's theory of congruence is that in order to achieve correspondence in the cognitive structure of the perceiving subject, he simultaneously changes his attitude towards both the other person and the object that they are both evaluating.
Most often this theory is found practical use in the field of communication, respectively, examples are usually given from this field.
By the way, another aspect of this phenomenon is that when someone unpleasant to us shows affection for something that we also like, our dislike for him decreases, and may even be replaced by sympathy. However, La Rochefoucauld drew attention to this: “As soon as a fool praises us, he no longer seems so stupid.” Here, by the way, it’s worth thinking about this. As a rule, we are convinced that our views and passions are shared mainly by worthy people. Isn’t it because they seem nice to us because they share our views? A more sober view here would be very useful. And our opponents are by no means entirely nonentities and fools. Perhaps we were simply too quick to reconcile our dislike of their position and of themselves.
As for Rogers' theory, the concept of congruence has a completely different meaning in it than in social psychology. According to him own definition, “congruence is a term we use to denote the exact correspondence between our experience and our awareness of it. It can be expanded further to denote the correspondence of experience, awareness and communication." (Rogers K. A look at psychotherapy. The Becoming of Man. M., 1994. P. 401). Here, however, one should keep in mind the difficulties of literal translation of Rogers' text. The fact is that English word experience(sic) means both experience and experience. We are probably talking about experience; by experience we are accustomed to understand something else.
Rogers himself illustrates his idea clear examples. Let's imagine that someone in a discussion with his partner experiences obvious irritation and anger, which is clearly manifested in his behavior and even in physiological reactions. At the same time, he himself is not aware of his feelings and is convinced (for the purpose of self-defense) that he is just logically defending his point of view. There is a clear discrepancy between the experience and his sense of self.
Or let’s imagine a person who spent the evening in a boring company, was clearly burdened by the wasted time, moreover, he is fully aware of the feeling of boredom possessing him. Nevertheless, when parting, he declares: “I had a great time. It was a wonderful evening." Here the incongruity is not between experience and awareness, but between experience and message.
According to Rogers, such a mismatch leads to a serious discord between a person and himself and requires psychotherapeutic intervention. Mature healthy personality- this is, first of all, a congruent person. He is able to be aware of what is happening in his soul and behave in accordance with these experiences. It is clear that congruence is thus an integral professional quality everyone whose activity is connected with communication with other people - first of all, psychologists themselves, and also, not least, teachers (Rogers especially emphasizes this). “If the teacher is congruent, it is likely to promote knowledge acquisition. Congruence implies that the teacher should be exactly who he really is; In addition, he must be aware of his attitude towards other people. This also means that he accepts his true feelings. Thus, he becomes frank in his dealings with his students. He may be excited about things he likes and become bored by conversations about topics that don't interest him. He can be angry and cold [ teacher?!- S.S] or, conversely, sensitive and sympathetic. Because he accepts his feelings as belonging to him, he has no need to attribute them to his students or insist that they feel the same way. He - living person, and not an impersonal embodiment of program requirements or a link for the transfer of knowledge” (ibid., pp. 347-348).
The picture turns out to be very seductive. I am a living person, which means I have the right to be angry and cold, to ignore what doesn’t bother me, to openly show hostility towards those I don’t like, etc.
Here, however, a paradox arises. From time immemorial, a well-mannered, socialized, civilized person is considered to be one who, being able to adequately express his feelings, at the same time knows how to hide them when necessary, moreover, sometimes arbitrarily demonstrate other, even opposite, norms in accordance with the norms accepted by social agreement. From point of view common sense The ability to say what you think is valuable, but at the same time it would be good to also think what you say.
Popular psychological encyclopedia. - M.: Eksmo. S.S. Stepanov. 2005.
IN Lately people talk a lot about congruence. And it's true good condition when a person feels free and confident. The concept of congruence must be present in the life of every person who would like to succeed.
Without this, it is impossible to achieve the goal, since one of the main factors that determine success is persuasiveness. And the latter cannot exist without congruence. Let's look at this issue in more detail. What is congruence in psychology and a number of other sciences? After all, this concept is multidisciplinary, although it has its own nuances in definitions.
We already realized that this property personality is very important. In the future, we will look at areas of life where it can be useful. Now let's find out the meaning of this concept. Cogruence is a state of complete freedom, accompanied by the absence of fear of showing one’s emotions and shame for them, as well as complete compliance of the verbal, paraverbal and nonverbal components of the communication process.
A little complex definition, so let's look at it in more detail. The first part is, in principle, clear. If a person is congruent, then he is not afraid to express his emotions, because he values himself. But as for the second part of the definition, we should understand in more detail those three incomprehensible words that sounded there.
It turns out that congruence in psychology is complete compliance with a person’s speech, intonation and body language. It’s quite difficult to believe a subject whose eyes are bulging and he’s completely frozen. What is in his soul - does peace and tranquility reign, or is there complete confusion and uncertainty? Such a person is incogruent.
How visible is congruence from the outside?
Congruence is a state that is almost always visible to other people to one degree or another. But here everything also depends on empathy. In the everyday understanding of this term, it is the ability to empathize. In psychological terms, empathy is a person’s ability to understand the emotions of another. Accordingly, the more developed a person is this quality, the less visible is congruence to another person or, conversely, its absence. Thus, we can conclude that congruence is a human state that is visible to everyone, but the extent of this vision is different.
Congruence in business
Congruence is very important quality for an entrepreneur. In most cases, a person needs to communicate with his partners and convince them of something. Or rather, in in this case We will not be talking about partners, but about competitors. The man is nervous. Will this reflect well on him? In principle, congruence is not so much the absence of anxiety as the ability to accept oneself with all the emotions that torment the soul at a certain moment.
Congruence in this case takes place if a person was able to turn his excitement to his advantage. However, there may be complete absence emotions. In this case, the person feels free to negotiate. This can also be called congruence. In business, the importance of this quality is very important not only for mental well-being, but also for success. After all, congruence is not only state of mind, but also how a person looks.
Congruence in public speaking
In principle, congruence is a quality that will be useful in all cases when you need to convince people of something. AND public performance are no exception. No matter how bad a person Hitler was considered to be, he would never have achieved success in oratory, if it were not congruent.
After all, his task is to convince people that Germany really has a promising future. And without congruent behavior they would never have believed him. Agree, it is quite difficult to believe a person who says something uncertainly about the greatness of the Aryan race.
Congruence in your personal life
Pick-up artists love to use the word “congruence.” Yes, the attitude towards these people is also ambiguous, but as for some theoretical points, then they are right. Congruence has a very big influence per person when meeting the opposite sex. After all, if a person is confident that he will succeed in his plans, then perhaps he is also something.
If a guy is confident that a girl will love him, then the likelihood of a positive outcome from his confession will increase significantly. After all, the subconscious of a young female representative will definitely catch the congruence and think something like: “Yeah, since he behaves so confidently, then perhaps women really like him!”
And after this, the girl may develop a herd feeling, after which she will really start to like the guy. As for this instinct, we sometimes ourselves do not notice the influence it has on us. And one of its stimulants is the congruence of a significant person.
Congruence in relationships
In relationships between people in general, congruence is a means of creating an atmosphere of conversation. When one person is tense and closed, his state can also be transmitted to his interlocutor. Therefore, it is very important to acquire communication skills in order to learn how to interact with people correctly. In the context of interpersonal relationships, congruence is openness. You've probably noticed yourself that open people others like you more and it is easier to communicate with them.
How to become congruent?
That is why the first step to becoming congruent is to communicate with such people and imitate them in this aspect. But at the same time, do not forget about your personality, since congruence is accepting yourself, and not trying to imitate someone. There's nothing wrong with it as long as it's done in moderation. If a person begins to imitate others in the smallest details, then this is already a problem. But you can and even need to play the main points in order to learn something.
Congruence in other sciences
The concept we are considering is not only psychological. There is, for example, congruence in geometry. What it is? In this science, congruent can be called an object that, when superimposed on another, completely coincides with it in all respects, but at the same time it is located in a completely different place.
Congruence of articular surfaces in medicine is when the shape of the contacting joints completely coincides. As we see, in any case, regardless of science, congruence is a synonym for compliance. Based on this, we can conclude that given word can be used in your speech as a universal verbal tool.
conclusions
We figured out what congruence is and where it can be used. It is important to understand that the range of areas where it can be useful is much wider than those given here. You can independently determine where else this concept may be useful. But one thing is clear: only a congruent personality can be considered harmonious and pleasant in communication.
