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Hello, dear parents, I have already written about. Today I will teach you how to correct a child’s low or high self-esteem - that is, to form an adequate self-esteem in the child.

To begin with, I’ll tell you about a very interesting experiment that clearly reveals the importance of children having adequate self-esteem.

In one of the Moscow schools after a series of tests, 2 groups were selected junior schoolchildren. The first group included children who had an adequate assessment of themselves, the second group included children with low self-esteem your abilities.

From these two groups, 2 classes were formed.

In the first grade, children (whose self-esteem coincided with actual capabilities and successes) differed cognitive activity, with good spirits, They boldly chose difficult tasks to solve them and believed that they could cope with them. During the lessons, they were not only listeners, but also actively participated in discussions and expressed their opinions. Criticism and objections from classmates and the teacher not only did not infringe on them, but, on the contrary, encouraged them to understand the issue more deeply. Bad rating did not incapacitate them, but encouraged them to take action aimed at correcting it.

In the second grade (with children with low self-esteem), students were characterized by passivity, timidity, and lack of confidence in their knowledge, even when this knowledge was completely satisfactory to the teacher. Increased anxiety and suspiciousness forced them to remain in the shadows. They tried to avoid the possibility of being evaluated, they themselves did not raise their hand to answer the teacher’s question, even when they undoubtedly knew the answer to this question.. Perceiving themselves as unsuccessful and incapable of defending themselves, they were afraid of those who, in their opinion, were “stronger”, teachers, parents.

This is the picture. I think she answers the question? why do you need to adjust inadequate self-esteem. So let's get started.

How to improve a child's low self-esteem:

1. The “I see you” method.

When parents are interested in their child's life, the child feels loved. I have already written about how an indifferent attitude towards a child leads to a low assessment of himself.

Agree with the fact that You always pay the most attention to what you value most.. If you pay more attention to your child, he will feel more valuable.

Listen to your child, ask him how his day was, ask for details, respond emotionally to his story, laugh, groan. When we listen carefully to a child (and even an adult), his self-esteem grows, that is, his self-esteem grows.

Moreover, such listening creates a special level of trust between you and your child. He will begin to confide in you about his secret experiences and tell you about his innermost being. You will know what is in his soul, you will be able to get to know and understand your child better.

2. The method of “positive expectations”.

When you tell your child, “I believe you can do it,” “you will get better at it over time,” you encourage him to believe in himself. You create in him a desire to make more efforts than would be the case if the child did not hear these words of your support.

There is important point. No way The method of “positive expectations” should not be confused with the method of “inflated demands”. If a child feels your pressure, your categorical expectation of outstanding success from him, as a condition of whether you will be satisfied with him or not, this will have the opposite effect on his achievements.

Try to convey to your child the fact that you love him and are proud of him in any case, regardless of his successes or failures.

3. Family democracy.

What is important here is not such an aspect of democracy as freedom of speech and freedom of choice, but respectful attitude to the child’s opinion, the ability to listen to him, to take him into account.

If you want to raise your child's self-esteem, if you want him to be confident, involve him in discussing family matters. Let him contribute to decisions that are important to the family. Where to go on vacation? Which car is better to buy? Let him not just make an assumption, but also try to justify his proposal. Treat his reasoning with respect - let him feel that his opinion is important, that he is a person who is taken into account.

This will help him in school life will directly affect his academic success.

If you treat children as meaningful and intelligent, they will surprise you with the extent to which they can be insightful and wise.

Ask your child what he thinks about this or that matter, ask for his advice - this will increase his self-esteem and sense of self-esteem. And you will get an impartial view from the outside and often really wise advice. Do not forget that “through the mouth of a child the truth speaks.”

4. Create “success situations.”

The more often the child will feel successful, the more he will try, and the higher his achievements in life will be.

The task of parents is to create this very “success situation” for their child.

You probably know what your baby does best. Give him tasks that he can do - but not too easy, but such that he gets good result if he puts in a little effort. And when he succeeds, mark it with praise, pay attention to what worked best.

Board and outdoor games help with this; you can slightly give in to your child so that he wins, but not always. In some cases, he still has to lose, but only after he was in the lead almost the entire game and only lost ground at the end.

How to reduce inappropriately high self-esteem.

If it so happens that your child, like the “star boy” from the fairy tale of the same name, considers himself the center of the universe, and that the world revolves around him. If he greatly overestimates his abilities, if he is sensitive to criticism as an unacceptable manifestation of disrespect for his person, it will be oh, how difficult it will be for him at school.

Perhaps you overpraised your child, or simply avoided criticism of him. What happened happened. Now it is important to carry out correctional work, aimed at lowering self-esteem to a more adequate level.

1. A gentle method of “gradual sobering up”.

Next time, after a portion of the usual praises has already poured into your child’s ears, draw his attention to those aspects of the situation that leave much to be desired. “Oh, how smart you are, you washed the dishes and dried them, thank you for that. But the fact that the whole floor is splattered is not a problem, you need to wipe it off so that the work is 5 (10).”

That is careful introduction of criticism, after praise, a child who is accustomed exclusively to positive assessments will not perceive it as a disaster. This is important to remember - since star-struck children in some cases react aggressively to criticism and can seriously harbor a grudge - we don’t need this.

2. Raising the Bar Method

A child with high self-esteem very often overestimates his capabilities due to the constant “situation of success.”

This happens when parents constantly play giveaway (just to please the child) and set too easy tasks for him. The child wins, the child quickly and easily solves the problem and, based on this experience, comes to the conclusion about his outstanding abilities. If a child at least sometimes fails to win, or if you give him a task that requires some effort from him, he will understand that not everything is so simple. It turns out that there are situations in life when, in order to achieve something, you have to work hard.

3. The "unconditional love" method

It happens that a child clings to his stellar position, that is, he deliberately does not want to adequately evaluate himself, to admit the fact that he did not succeed in something, failed. You use the “method of gradual sobering up”, the method of “raising the bar”, and the child insists that he won (and if he lost, it was only because others played dishonestly), that the task he failed at was stupid, uninteresting, and that he didn’t really want to do it.

Here the fear of “losing his crown” is evident; he is afraid to admit his imperfection. Why? Yes, because he thinks that along with his “demotion” there will also be a loss of his parents’ love.

Parents' task– convince your child that you love him in any case, with all his guts, successes, failures. That he is the best in the world for you.

And that other people are also imperfect, but they are loved. Mom can say she loves dad, even though he leaves his dirty socks everywhere. Dad will reveal the secret that Mom cooks borscht disgustingly, but out of love for her other qualities, he is ready to put up with this cute flaw.

You will see how quickly these methods will give results, how your child will change. How balanced and harmonious he will become. How to improve your relationship with him.

I really hope that this article will help you and your baby be happier and more successful. I will be glad to see questions and suggestions in the comments to the article.

Olga Klishevskaya specially for the site

What is self-esteem and self-confidence?

Concept "self-esteem"implies a person’s idea of ​​the importance of his activities in society and an individual’s assessment of himself, his capabilities, qualities and place among other people. This is also the value that a person attributes to himself or to his individual qualities. And it’s not just about assessment own qualities and feelings, advantages and disadvantages, but also about their open and closed expression. The fact is that self-esteem belongs to the core of personality and is a regulator of behavior. It determines how our relationships with others develop, how demanding we are of ourselves and people, prone to criticism and self-criticism, and how we relate to successes and failures, both our own and those of others. It becomes obvious why self-esteem determines the effectiveness of activities and personal development. An interesting nuance is that each person uses his own system of meanings as an assessment criterion. Work with self-esteem occurs on several planes at once. This is the internal psychological environment of a person, and his physical life, and social interactions, and professional sphere.

3 ways to “lower” self-esteem

In fact, not everyone insecure people it is necessary to “increase self-esteem and self-confidence.” More precisely, it is a question of method. An interesting trend is noticeable. Let's be honest: a few years ago it became fashionable to literally train yourself and increase your self-esteem using all sorts of techniques. It worked well-known principle“faith comes from hearing”: auto-training and other techniques worked, and many people believed that they were “the best”. This has shaped a whole generation of people who have " high self-esteem” and “self-confidence” are expressed in a special style of communication and work.

Surely you periodically come across people who, for example, do not answer calls or letters, delay the completion of a project - not because real circumstances interfere, but because in this way they emphasize their own importance and the insignificance of requests from other people, build a hierarchy, which has only one goal - to drown out fundamental self-doubt, which is disguised as unattainability and readiness to communicate only with “equals”. Each of us has seen many various examples and combinations of arrogance, snobbery and low self-esteem.

What can be useful for a person who has become a star?

1. First of all, you need a glimpse critical view on oneself, analysis of situations and behavior - and awareness of the fact that the increase in self-esteem went wrong. Do you feel pleased when you are “wooed” in business communication: they persuade, ingratiate themselves, call and write without answer? Do you like to do favors where you can easily say “OK”? Do you need the outcome of a situation or the fate of a person in this time period to depend on your decision? Do you find yourself displaying arrogance and unnecessarily complicating something simple? The tragicom of the situation lies in the fact that at some point “Elusive Joe” begins to be called “elusive” simply because no one catches him. A person who seeks to belittle others in order to feel successful ceases to be interesting to people and loses credibility. Work on self-esteem and self-confidence, carried out in the style of a rough game for promotion, can play a cruel joke on a person. True self-confidence and healthy self-esteem deepen the personality, form in a person fundamental independence, calmness, dignity, enterprise and friendliness. An attempt to “appoint oneself as a star” by skipping the stage of “sorting out the rubble” only sharpens a person’s shortcomings: it makes him arrogant, arrogant, ill-mannered and inattentive to the feelings or work of other people.

2. Think about whether it is so important to consider yourself a privileged caste and cultivate exclusivity. All these are social games: you can love a certain movie, music or style of clothing, have a good income, famous acquaintances and a prestigious, interesting profession without making a cult of success out of it. People who have the most complete and fresh view of the world, as a rule, easily pass through the conventional barriers of social strata and receive a lot of new knowledge and positive emotions from a variety of interlocutors. There is a rule of thumb: truly integral and outstanding people modest, delicate and friendly. Their intellect and schedule are occupied with more meaningful and constructive things than asserting themselves in an attempt to hide low self-esteem.

3. Remember the Dorian Gray principle. Such notation methods high position in society, how arrogance or snobbery leaves traces “inside” a person and separates him from reality. The paradox is that to truly increase self-esteem and self-confidence, sometimes it is necessary to lower artificially high self-esteem, return to the starting point and start with clean slate. In this case, the scales on which ideas about the world and other people and ideas about oneself lie will be leveled.

Work on self-esteem and self-confidence, carried out in the style of a rough game for promotion, can play a cruel joke on a person. An attempt to “appoint oneself as a star” by skipping the stage of “sorting out the rubble” only sharpens a person’s shortcomings: it makes him arrogant, arrogant, ill-mannered and inattentive to the feelings or work of other people.

17 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem and Confidence

1. Low self-esteem is also not always unfounded: you need to constantly work on yourself psychologically, physically, organizationally, and professionally. Through such a tool as self-esteem, a person’s personality “communicates” with him and “tells” him what needs to be corrected. Self-awareness and feelings are pretty honest things. We notice self-doubt when we realize that we look bad, we lack knowledge and skills, life has become monotonous, our career has stalled, etc.

2. Always learn. Get additional specialty and useful skills, learn new software that will be useful in practice, improve brain functions (read also the Zillion article), watch webinars (). Have you earned or saved money to upgrade your car? Think about what will bring more benefit: what if this money can be spent with better prospects on another education that will allow you to achieve a completely new standard of living and competencies? Choose a conditional mentor among famous people. Not an idol, but a conditional mentor: study his principles of life and manners, his way of behaving in different situations. This is a chance to “learn” charisma and personal charm (as much as possible), to realize what kind of person you want to be. Of course, you shouldn’t imitate and blindly copy, but it will be useful to look at the self-management principles of public people whom you respect (this could be, for example, Sir Richard Branson, Sergey Brin, Mark Zuckerberg, John Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, etc.) .

3. Always remember the principle of Luck is an Attitude: there is no luck, there is attitude. A chance is rarely “given” - in 99% of cases it is created precisely by the person who needs it. Move! When we're talking about about the number of actions, the question of moving to action is no longer worth it.

4. Live actively, become "Yes Man!". Be open, add optimism (register for the webinar), stop being afraid of meeting people and communicating, or out of laziness refuse an offer to attend an event. Opportunities are everywhere, at every step. Surely you remember such situations: you doubted for a long time whether to go, assessed traffic jams, thought that you didn’t know anyone there, and what to do there alone. In the end, they still decided and arrived late - and received such a positive and useful experience, that later they thought: “It’s still good that I went.” This doesn’t always happen, but the more often you go out, the statistically more chances have a nice time getting to know each other interesting people and gain new knowledge. Try to travel more often. If you have the opportunity to occasionally travel abroad for the weekend, make it a habit. This approach removes the feeling of being tied to a place and the monotony of life, broadens your horizons and makes you a “person of the world.” Search engines will find dozens of sites offering weekend tours at not too high prices. Face your insecurities: for example, take part in creative competitions, which are regularly held for everyone by world-famous brands.

5. Do good deeds. Not only to increase self-esteem, of course. But this effect will also occur automatically. Think less “about yourself” - in the sense of your meaning and place in life, about problems, shortcomings, etc. Think about those who are truly deprived in life and who need your help. A person who is aware of his “need” to other people better understands his place in the world, his self-esteem moves from the “I am in the world” layer to a deeper, fundamental layer “the world in me and the world around me”

The paradox is that to truly increase self-esteem and self-confidence, sometimes it is necessary to lower artificially high self-esteem, return to the starting point and start with a clean slate

6. Stop comparing yourself to others.It doesn't matter what you've achieved at the moment and what your classmates, fellow students and friends have achieved in comparison with you. You have your own path and you never know what life will take in the future. Many successful people received or created their chance and realized it in mature age(and sometimes very mature), but this, of course, is not a reason to sit and wait for a chance. What matters is whether you are happy with the way your life is going: and if it is not impressive, invent something creative solutions for each segment. Life is not a horse race on a hippodrome: you do not have to prove to anyone that you are “better” or “not worse”. The only thing a person is “obliged” to do is to act in order to arrange his life harmoniously. Remember the rule: many interesting, active, enterprising people around you are a sign that you are in an “environment of success.” How and why, in this case, envy them? After all, being in an “environment of success” means getting opportunities for personal growth, career development, networking, finding like-minded people to realize your dreams, for example, organizing your own business. Compare yourself with successful people and to envy, quietly admitting one’s own worthlessness - translated into the language of the subconscious means a voluntary refusal of opportunities and self-destructive thinking. The subconscious will not forgive this; after some time, such psychological attitudes will certainly become visible on the landscape of life.

7. Forgive your parents and other loved ones. It is believed that low self-esteem- comes from criticism, excessive guardianship (which prevents one from becoming independent and learning to cope with different situations), as well as lack of attention (this imposes on a person the idea that he is not interesting even to those close to him and is not worthy of love). If you didn't receive enough attention as a child, perhaps your parents simply worked very hard to give you the good things that filled your childhood. Respectively, physical strength and there was no enthusiasm left to show interest and love. It is also likely that your parents tried to protect you from troubles and stress through excessive care. And, by the way, they really protected me from a lot, but since this bad thing didn’t happen, it’s only visible negative side hyper-protection. Criticism is more difficult. Raising a child on molasses of continuous praise will not work, and it is dangerous. However, criticism explains little, but undermines self-confidence, so the fact of this erroneous behavior on the part of loved ones must simply be let go, since it is impossible to make the past better, but the future can be improved.

8. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and remembering the bad. Low self-esteem and self-doubt do not always stem from childhood: it happens that a person breaks down in a series of situations where he was rejected or lost. There is always someone and where to reject us: in friendship, love, work, interviews, etc. There are also many opportunities to lose: in sports, competitions and contests, when choosing between two possibilities, in case of unsuccessful investments, in the fight against some then circumstances, etc. Failures and periods of crisis are mandatory part in life, everyone has them, and without them we would be worth nothing. By remembering people and events that greatly harmed you, you again give your mental energy to the situation from the past, return to it emotionally and experience the same pain. Firstly, this is how a person automatically takes this mental energy from his present, that is, from his mood, enthusiasm and will to act. Secondly, offended person translates his resentment and pain into behavior. This happens in all the microscopic shifts of any situation, and in the end it is difficult to understand why everything is “not very good”. And “not very” - for the reason that people catch this intention in communication, and any situation is revealed not in the most successful way. Sometimes emotions and grievances simmer for a long time, so learn to let go unpleasant situation or failure within the specified time limit (1 hour, 1 day, 3 days, 1 week): it’s like the expiration date on a carton of milk. When starting to live in a new way, reset yourself: the ascent will be difficult if you drag the baggage of grievances and bad memories up the mountain.

Low self-esteem is not always unfounded: you need to constantly work on yourself psychologically, physically, organizationally, and professionally.

9. Self-esteem and self-confidence are quite strongly related to success in personal relationships. And the quality and duration of personal relationships are quite strongly related to self-esteem. People with low self-esteem are characterized by passivity, pessimism, self-obsession, an inferiority complex, a tendency to jealousy, and at the same time the expectation that someone will change their world and appreciate them for who they are. Naturally, with such a set of contradictory attitudes, little can happen. Often people with low self-esteem do not even know how to flirt, for example, they are very shy. There are special flirting guides for this case. Take care of this side of your life: learn to flirt, at least according to Hollywood melodramas, don’t sit at home, create opportunities, don’t hide your personal charm, don’t be afraid to smile nice person and just communicate in a positive way, without being overt or making big bets.

10. Realize that absolutely every person is beautiful in their own way. Doubts? There is a way to get rid of them - look more often, for example, at paintings by old masters. Artists and photographers are distinguished by the fact that they know how to see the beauty of any face: in one there is the radiance of youth, in the other wisdom and experience of life are expressed, in the third - piercing ardor, in the fourth - deep intelligence. If this idea inspires you, order your portrait or photo session from the artist or photographer whose style you personally like. If it turned out subjectively unsuccessful, try again - maybe next time it will turn out great. This will help you look at yourself as an object, including an object of desire. Why do celebrities seem so radiant to everyone? After all, in fact, before they go out on the carpet, crowds of stylists work on their appearance, and this process does not look so glossy. The dresses the stars wear often don’t belong to them at all, and the jewelry is taken against a signature from a jewelry brand that hopes to get a mention in the press. However, photos from carpets are fascinating because the people in them are the object, the object of everyone's attention. If you stubbornly consider yourself ugly, remember: after a while people stop noticing “ugliness” in the same way as “beauty” - the bottom line is only communication statistics, which virtually records a person’s assessments in different situations. Conducted psychological research, during which two groups of people were shown portraits of the same little-known people historical figures, about whose life and character there was a lot of information from memoirs and descriptions. To one group, the depicted hero was presented as a composer, sweetest person and a smart girl, and to the other group - as a criminal, an unprincipled, cruel type. And then they asked to describe his appearance. The result confirmed the hypothesis - people said that “ bad person"unpleasant facial features, and the appearance of a "good person" was described as kind, beautiful and attractive.

11. Without extremes, evaluate your physical fitness. Of course, everyone is beautiful in their own way, but we say this in the context of normal weight and neutral appearance, the features of which a person subjectively evaluates poorly, for example, in the style of “I have too much big nose" It is known that non-standard facial features combined with personal charm give a person individuality and allow him to be better remembered. If present overweight, then to convince yourself of his attractiveness is to make a dubious deal. It’s worth turning to the experience of Americans Angela and Willie Gillis and thinking about how these two were able to lose 223 kg for two in a year. Now each of them weighs the same as the average person, or even a little less. And before that, the Gillis couple were typical representatives of one of the most corpulent cities in the United States, Beaumont. The Gillies once wondered if they could lose some weight, and became so interested that they now eat only healthy foods and run half marathons. “We defeated fat” - that’s what they call it official website, where you can see the dynamics of weight loss and read the blog.

12. Do fitness or sports. This is good for both appearance and good mood (since when physical activity hormones of happiness are produced), and for psychological relaxation (fitness relieves stress and puts you in the mood for action).

Forgive everyone, reset yourself, stop feeling sorry for yourself and envying the success of other people. Assess your physical shape, do fitness, work on your style, appearance and behavior, be natural and “adequate to yourself.” Stop seeking attention and procrastinating

13. Work on individual style appearance. Stop running around with invented flaws in appearance - a well-groomed and decently dressed (not necessarily expensive) person who follows what is trendy in fashion and broadcasts the most adequate part of his personality through his image will, by default, be perceived positively in the stratum of society to which his image is oriented. The fact is that through our appearance we communicate who we are, what our interests are, how we see the desired environment and communication style.

16. Stop procrastinating. The fact is that by procrastinating, that is, killing time by reading feeds on social networks for a long time, playing games at odd hours, endless web surfing, minor correspondence (even on business issues), etc., people become extremely ineffective at work . Since procrastination is based on fear of action or reluctance to do some tedious, unpleasant or long work, a person tends to put it off “for a little more.” Minutes add up to hours, work is idle, but it still has to be done. Thus, people violate the entire schedule and perform worse at work than they could. This slows down their careers, disrupts their lifestyle, and creates a nagging sense of anxious uncertainty. Under such conditions, self-esteem descends to the depths of the Mariana Trench. Self-confidence cannot be maintained if you do nothing or do everything at the wrong time. Set clear media viewing times in your schedule and limit them: for example, 30 minutes of reading articles and posts at 11 pm before bed.

Always remember the principle of Luck is an Attitude: there is no luck, there is attitude. Always learn. Live actively, become a “Yes Man!” Do good deeds.

17. Try to keep the promises you make to yourself. Many of them reflect your honest, inner view of lifestyle and behavior problems, as well as a vision of the person you want to be. To be honest, few people manage to keep promises from the “from Monday” category: we all constantly break down, finding excuses and reasons. So it is better to train this ability with approaches than not to train at all. The clause on promises also includes strict adherence to the schedule, one’s own time limits, as well as a sound assessment of the time needed to complete the work - this will allow one to better organize oneself. And a person whose affairs, thoughts and lifestyle are in order automatically feels on the right path.

Self-esteem is a person's opinion of himself.

It is often wrong.

With high self-esteem the person considers himself the King, the King and the Navel of the Earth. A person tries to jump above himself and jumps into stress, earning himself neurosis.

With low self-esteem the individual is generally surprised how he, so completely absurd, dared to appear in the light of God, and cannot understand why those around him tolerate the very fact of his existence. The question of how to increase self-esteem worries tens of thousands of insecure people.

A common sign of low self-esteem is when a person - constantly apologizes in front of other people for a reason, but more often without a reason. In fact he would like to apologize profusely to those around him for existing and breathes the same air with them.

The problem with women and men with low self-esteem is that they usually believe that you can only raise it by loving yourself. But they ask the psychologist a counter question: " Yes, I would love to love myself. But I don’t know - HOW?"

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is how a person evaluates himself. It is an indicator of whether a person loves, and therefore trusts and accepts, himself.

If yes, then everything is in order with self-confidence.

If not, it means he makes mistakes in self-perception.

The formation of self-esteem occurs in childhood and very much depends on maternal and paternal love, attention, and care. Children who are disliked are more likely to suffer from self-doubt. They think: “If no one needed me as a small child, in childhood, will anyone need me as an adult? It’s unlikely...”

It is very important to increase self-esteem - after all, by remaining an insecure person, a person, unnoticed by himself, unconsciously, subconsciously, destroys his even successfully developing personal and professional life.

The individual considers himself unworthy of the blessings that have befallen him and, consciously fighting for them, subconsciously does everything to get rid of them and find yourself again broken trough, in order to once again reinforce your negative opinion about yourself and get some pleasure from it (psychological benefit, which will be expressed in the trivial “I was right after all!”).

When you have a low bar for evaluating yourself, then you must understand that you are actually better than you think you are. Therefore, increasing self-esteem is necessary to align thoughts with reality.

How to increase self-esteem? By deepening self-knowledge.

The better you get to know yourself, the higher your self-perception rises—like ugly duckling with low self-esteem from the fairy tale of Hans Christian Anderson, who, having gotten to know himself better, immediately turned into a beautiful swan.

Healthy self-esteem consists of:

• Knowing your strengths and confidence in your strengths
• Trust and self-love
• Honest respect for your abilities, characteristics, potential
• Awareness and adequate assessment of one's own shortcomings- limiters
• Accepting these shortcomings as a harmonious component of the personal “I” (each coin has 2 sides - black and white, good and bad, without one there would be no other)
• Understanding that some limitations can be overcome, and some shortcomings can be eliminated
• Freedom from worrying about what other people think or will think about you. The opinions of other people, of course, play a certain role in your life, but they do not determine your essence, they do not decide who you really are. This is only a reflection of part of the truth.

Low self-esteem - How to recognize a lack of self-confidence?

The main symptom of low self-esteem is that a person thinks poorly only of himself, but not of others. A person considers himself bad and others - good. Although this is not always true.

Mentally healthy person has self-esteem - he respects and loves himself, trusts himself unconditionally - no matter what actions - good or bad - he commits. He still accepts himself for who he is.

Moreover, in the case of committing bad deeds or incorrect behavior, a psychologically full-fledged person experiences feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse. People with low self-esteem experience these feelings without even committing these actions. That's the difference.

Scientists have long debunked the myth that only people with low self-esteem do bad things - this means alcoholism, drug addiction, cruelty to children and people. Such “bad things” are often done by people with high self-esteem. That is, you can have low self-esteem, but not behave badly.

You need to increase your self-esteem as soon as possible - than faster personality increase her self-esteem, the sooner she will begin to live full life, without a heavy feeling of uselessness and guilt for every even normal action.

Be happy man and at the same time constantly suffer from self-doubt - it is almost impossible, these are two antagonisms.

After all, in order to achieve happiness in relationships, love, personal life and find success in a career or business, you need to behave openly and feel free (including from fears), and inferiority complexes squeeze a person, low self-esteem drives a person into extremely narrow limits, makes him doubt himself all the time, and prevents him from focusing on specific issue.

People with low self-esteem tend to treat themselves worse than other people. They put those around them on a pedestal, while they themselves grovel servilely before everyone in order to justify their own bad opinion about myself.

If you suspect yourself low level self-esteem, answer honestly the following questions:

• Do you think that you are worse than others?
• Do you consider yourself a bad person?
• Do you think that you look worse than others? Do you agree that you are not as handsome and attractive as most other girls/guys, women/men?
• Don't you love yourself?
• Are you dumber than others?
• Do you often feel guilty?
• When you are praised, do you feel the praise is undeserved?
• Is your opinion not as important as other people's?
• Does it happen that you did not dare to do something that you really wanted, only because of self-doubt?
• Do you regret spending money and time on yourself because you consider yourself unworthy of paying attention to yourself?

If you answered at least 3 questions from this list in the affirmative, then you definitely have low self-esteem, which urgently needs to be improved.

5 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

So, you have decided to increase your self-esteem and get rid of self-doubt once and for all. Well, that's commendable. Let's get started.

Don't think, don't talk bad about yourself - Tell only good things about yourself!

Low self-esteem has an unpleasant feature - to generalize specific situations, based on 1-2 cases, draw global conclusions.

So, for example, if a woman failed to prepare a delicious dinner, she immediately begins to blame herself not even for the fact that she failed to prepare the food, but acts globally - she immediately generalizes the situation and exclaims: “Ah! I'm such a bad housewife and I just terrible wife! How can my husband tolerate such a lack of skill next to me?!”

Or, if a boy fails to solve an algebra problem, he says: “How stupid I am! I'm the stupidest person in the class." At the same time, a specific inability to solve 1 problem in a subject for which he simply does not have special abilities is transferred to intellectual capabilities in general.

And it also happens that a guy from 11th grade loves his classmate, but she is afraid serious relationship at that age and simply avoids it, because... feels serious intentions on his part. The guy thinks to himself - “What a loser I am... No one loves me and will never love me.”

Such an unfounded, illogical generalization greatly affects self-confidence - the psyche feels unfairly treated and is suppressed, oppressed more and more.

Now knowing about this feature of low self-esteem, take the first step to increase it - praise yourself for every solved task, for every deliciously cooked dinner, for every smile of a girl you meet on the street, and in case of failures, just remain silent (both out loud and to yourself ).

If at first it doesn’t work out particularly well and you still scold yourself, then, having caught yourself doing this, immediately refute yourself and bring specific examples, when you coped with similar tasks.

To increase your self-esteem, realize what voices of critics you hear in your voice?

Self-esteem drops when we are criticized.

In general, our assessment of ourselves is formed from how other (usually the closest) people evaluate us.

If a child in childhood was constantly pulled back by parents (teachers, peers), criticized, beaten, scolded, then the child unwittingly absorbed their message “You are bad” and believed in them. And having believed that he was bad, he took on the role of the main critic in relation to himself, and began to constantly scold himself, criticize himself, look for non-existent shortcomings in himself - do everything just to express displeasure in person.

Thus, if the formation of high self-esteem occurs due to the fact that the individual is constantly praised (and often unreasonably) by other people, and the formation of low self-esteem occurs due to the fact that the person is constantly scolded and criticized by people significant to him.

To increase your self-esteem, you must understand that that critical voice in your head is not your voice, not the voice of your brain, consciousness or subconscious - it is the voice of those very critics who had their own reasons (they derived their psychological benefits from this ) to humiliate you and undeservedly doubt your abilities and merits.

That's why, effective way getting rid of self-doubt means, having started to mentally or out loudly scold yourself, immediately stop yourself and ask a simple question: “Stop. Who is really criticizing me now?”

Learning to separate your thoughts from critical thoughts other people, you will take an important step towards your own psychological INDEPENDENCE. Increase your self-confidence by noticing your strengths and successes, and cutting off criticism of other people who don’t really know what a kind, good and smart person you are.

Honesty is a medicine for increasing self-esteem

Low self-esteem evaluates a person only in black - and stubbornly, deliberately, a priori does not notice, ignores white tones. This is dishonest to oneself and an incorrect, erroneous self-perception. This is kind of a lie.

That is, in others we notice only advantages and achievements, but in ourselves we see only shortcomings and collect own mistakes and defeats. This is self-deception, which leads to a nervous breakdown.

Stop stepping on these rake - it's time to raise your self-esteem and let the truth into your life and honest assessment both themselves and other people. We must try to notice not only our shortcomings, but also our strengths, to focus not only on what does not work out, but to notice and rejoice at what does work out.

If someone praised you or gave you a compliment, agree with it.

So I’m telling you now:

You are smart, beautiful and kind, a good person. You are worthy of love and respect. I see in you great potential to become a happy person.

What should I say? Right:

Thank you.

And no reservations, additions, apologies, or justifications. You are a good person. And period. Repeat to yourself:

I AM A GOOD PERSON.

And remind yourself and others about this more often. Praise yourself - after all, you have something to praise for. Every person is talented at something and better than others. Even if it's just chewing chewing gum.

Stop believing criticism and rejecting compliments - do the opposite to improve your own self-esteem- believe compliments and reject criticism. You know yourself better than anyone.

Do not treat yourself with prejudice, like a bribed judge. Keep a record of both your strengths and weaknesses, and remember that they are usually in some kind of balance, like assets and liabilities in accounting.

Without one there would be no other. If you have many shortcomings, it means you have just as many advantages. Find them in yourself - here you go homework, which must be completed right now. Write down your pros and cons on a piece of paper, and you will understand that you have no reason to kill your own self-esteem own lies to myself.

Be honest with yourself - balance your strengths and weaknesses with an open mind! And without “accounting” errors. And take into account all the components of your personality, and do not act selectively. Then your self-esteem will rise automatically.

Boost your self-esteem by letting go of imperfect idealism

“If my man is not perfect, he is not my man!”

“If I’m not perfect, then it’s not me!”

“If things don’t go exactly the way I want, then I won’t take part in it!”

Perfectionism, idealism, maximalism - this phenomenon is one of the the most important reasons low self-esteem has a lot of beautiful, pompous names. But the requirement of 100% perfection is psychological trap. Low self-esteem demands everything from life, or agrees to nothing.

Either everything or nothing!

And usually it works on the principle: “Others are absolutely perfect! “I’m absolutely imperfect!”

This ignores the simple and understandable fact that nothing and no one is perfect under the sun.

It's a myth blatant lie yourself, which prevents you from raising your self-esteem from your knees, as if other people have no shortcomings, and you have no advantages. Stop living in your imaginary world - ALL PEOPLE ARE IMPERFECT- this is it real truth.

There is no ideal - it’s not for nothing that they say that the ideal is unattainable. Then why strive for it if it is an illusion, a myth, self-deception? Isn't it more logical to strive for what is real and achievable? For example, to better self-knowledge and greater self-understanding?

Can't upgrade personal self-esteem, without ceasing to divide the whole world into white and black. Stop thinking in categories: “Either 100% perfection - or complete 0”, “Either I’m super - or I’m a nonentity.”

Add more honesty and realism to your life.

An increase in self-confidence occurs when a person begins to give himself the right to live not only on the edge (either 100% or 0%), but also within this interval from 0 to 100%.

Allow yourself to look not 100%, but 25%. It's okay to look 25%. But you can gradually strive to increase your attractiveness to 30%.

Give yourself the right not to be perfect and don’t demand that others match yours as much as possible. high requirements- let them be what they are, real. And you, too, finally become yourself, stop pretending to be the “ideal”.

Boost your self-esteem by giving yourself time and attention.

Low self-esteem is often a vicious circle, from which you can only escape by starting to love yourself.

Self-love is expressed in caring for one’s own inner well-being and appearance. For the first best care- this is REST, relaxation, when a person gives himself time to catch his breath, take a break, gain strength, and recharge his batteries.

But self-esteem depends not only on our internal well-being, but also on how good we look and how well we are perceived by society. Therefore, in addition to relaxing, take care of your body, go for a massage, go to a beauty salon, buy beautiful clothes, get a fashionable haircut, take care of yourself like a flowerbed in order to bloom.

When you lie down to rest, or sleep, dream, visualize yourself as you would like to see yourself - beautiful, smart, healthy, athletic, well dressed, successful, rich. Imagine in detail how you would feel if you had already managed to increase your self-esteem and raise your self-confidence to a fundamentally new, wise level.

You need to increase your self-esteem in order to simply learn to enjoy life and enjoy your existence. You have the right not just to a place in the sun, but to a happy place under the gentle sun.

Remember once and for the rest of your life: A diamond can think whatever it wants about itself, but that will not stop it from being a diamond. But if he thinks positively about himself, he can turn into a diamond.

Hello friends. In this article I will tell you how to increase your self-esteem, how to do it quickly and easily without any emotional barriers...

Perhaps it would be worth starting with what self-esteem is, how to describe it for yourself, etc., but you can already read this on hundreds of sites, and it will be on mine too separate topic dedicated to this, but now it is more important to understand how to get rid of the obsessive thought that you
not as you would like, you lack something, you have not achieved success, someone you know is better than you.

In general, this article is for those whose self-esteem is below par or close to it. I want to warn you right away that some methods can blow your mind with their non-standard nature, and your thoughts will generally run counter to your reality, so if you understand this and are ready to study them, then let’s get started.

1. Don't allow yourself to compare yourself to other people.

Very often in our environment there are people who are clearly superior to us in some way. And you don’t need to compare your shortcomings with their advantages, because this is stupid, because you don’t compete, like in sports, you follow a completely different path. It is important to understand that you are different, and clearly your advantage is in other things.

Therefore, you should not waste your time on comparison. It won't lead you to good condition, since there will always be opponents to this selfless cause. It’s better to compare yourself to yourself yesterday than to anyone else.

Tested by personal experience!

2. Develop your body (physical condition)

Many people, perhaps including you, look at themselves in the mirror every day and become very disappointed in themselves and their body. And the method - simply not looking in the mirror - will not work here, because this will not change anything, but will only get worse. Therefore, kill your laziness (by the way, I’ll write a separate article about how to do this soon, don’t miss it) and start taking care of yourself, this could be exercise, going to the gym, dancing or some kind of sport.

The main thing is that it brings you pleasure, and then the results are just around the corner.

In addition, improve your physical endurance. Otherwise, fatigue and irritability will drown you. Physical exhaustion encourages you to find fault with yourself, harshly criticize, and even hate yourself, focusing on trifles and shortcomings.

3. Forget about your defeats, remember only about your achievements and victories.

If you constantly think about what happened in the past, hold on to it and not let go, then this usually leads to depression and internal disorders of the soul. The consequence of this is constant worry, which is perfectly described in Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” I recommend!

You need to let go of past failures and defeats that happened, and remember only the peaks, even small ones, that you managed to achieve. And it will be even better if you write it down, daily, weekly. It will be yours personal diary motivation and success.

From my own experience, I will say that this gives a strong impetus to move on.

4. Play to your strengths.

Often looking at other people, perhaps acquaintances, perhaps popular and famous, we try to do something similar, counting on great success. But reality shows that achieving the same result is either extremely difficult or even impossible for a certain number of reasons. And most people get upset, lowering their self-esteem by failure.

But failure is a reason to draw conclusions and think: is this really what I wanted to do, or is it something I do very well? If not, then you need to find and realize those qualities and capabilities, actions that you possess and implement better than others.

Looking at the picture, I want to summarize this method with these words: The best boxer cannot play chess better than anyone else, because he is the best boxer. Or, to paraphrase it, we can say this: not every boxer is a good chess player, and vice versa. I think the idea is clear. 🙂

Take a piece of paper and write down your best qualities, as well as what you do best, but ideally, but you can do it simply and easily. This way you will understand what you can do, how to use it in life to the fullest.

5. Self-esteem grows when you do what you love.

As a rule, what a person does best is what he loves. That’s why it’s so important to do what you love. This will make your opinion of yourself and your skills improve every day. When we do what we truly enjoy, we forget about ourselves and become completely involved in the process. And then criticism is silent, but success screams!

Don’t know how to find your purpose and life’s work that can be successfully monetized? There is a lot on this topic interesting information, which I will share in the following articles, so I advise you to subscribe to site updates so as not to miss it, and be among the first to receive it.

Well, is it already clear how to increase self-esteem? Not completely, then here are 5 more tips for you.

6. Accept compliments by saying “thank you” for them.

This is the most correct option accepting compliments in your direction. Why? Because otherwise you reject them, underestimating the feeling self-importance. By responding to a compliment with phrases like “what’s the big deal,” “nothing special,” you thereby inform your brain that you are not worthy of praise. reducing your real advantages. Under no circumstances do this again. If you give a compliment, say “Thank you.”

You can even start now, in the comments under the article write this word for this: You are a wonderful and attentive reader of my site, since you have reached this point

7. Do not use substances that lower your psyche.

Here, of course, I’m not going to talk about how harmful alcohol, energy drinks, coffee, and other drinks are and force you not to drink them, but just remember that they are the ones that give us strange, inadequate, and sometimes unhealthy thoughts about ourselves and your life, which leads to the fact that the only savior becomes another dose of this rubbish, which temporarily relaxes, and then again leads to the same state and the chain closes.

If you don’t know how to relieve stress without these things, read, there are answers there.

8. Your social circle must be positively charged, otherwise your path is down.

If you are surrounded every day by people with low self-esteem who do nothing but complain about own problems, on your life and personal shortcomings, then communicating with such egoists will pull you into the same steppe, and you will get bogged down even in not so own life's difficulties, but in strangers. And if this is so, there is only one way. Stop communicating with such a person, or at least protect yourself from communicating with him.

Create a new social circle, find those people who are more positive, confident and ready to support you. Where to find such people. More on this in the following articles, otherwise it won’t fit everything into one :)

In the meantime, you will be in the intermediate period and, in order not to get bored, I advise you to read the article ““ in order to become the person they want to find!

9. Don't cheat on yourself! Be true to your beliefs and desires.

You and only you have the right to dispose and manage your life as you see fit. No instructions and directions, approval of relatives, acquaintances and friends should change your position, otherwise you will fade in your own eyes, succumbing to the manipulations of other people.

Of course, sometimes you should listen to advice, but the choice is always yours, remember this and use your time for your most desired goals.

10. Take action!

No matter how trivial this advice may sound now. You will never be able to accomplish increased self-esteem, if you stand still, sit on a chair, lie on the sofa and do not move, act towards your goals through obstacles, defeats and failures.

A good opinion about yourself is confirmed by facts. In this life, you need to prove everything, even to yourself, and first of all. Our brain - the subconscious will always protect us from “external dangers”, those things that are not pleasant, unfamiliar, or understandable to it, therefore, having specific facts, you can prove to it your importance in something.

And this can only be achieved by action.

Well, I hope this article answered the question of how to increase self-esteem and will help you. Be sure to sign up in the comments below. By the way, there are several more trump methods, but they will be discussed separately in the following articles. Do you want to receive? so you don't miss it.

There will be tips for both men and women. See you!